Jimmy thats very nice. Im jimmy. Im the host of the show. Thanks for watching. Thanks to all of you for coming. I appreciate that. [ cheers and applause ] i do. I want to apologize. We had so much fun stuff planned for you tonight. We worked on it all day. We had a bachelor in paradise, kids going back to school. We were going to talk about theres a horrible new pair of uggs we were going to discuss. I even thought hey, maybe we wont talk about donald trump much tonight. And then he opened his mouth and all manner of stupid came out. [ laughter ] and im not joking when i say i would feel more comfortable if Cersei Lannister was running this country at this point. [ laughter ] this press conference today. I dont know if you saw this. I know a lot of you are here on vacation. It started it was supposed to be a press conference about infrastructure, and it ended with our president making an angry and passionate defense of white supremacists. It was like if your Book Club Meeting turned into a cock fight. It really was remarkable. [ laughter ] i dont know who decided it would be a good idea to send him out there to talk to reporters today. But whoever did obviously misread his state of mind and the mood in this country right now. The president i feel like i can say this with reasonable certainty. The president is completely unhinged. The wheels are off the wagon and hurtling toward the moon right now. [ laughter ] i have some clips to show you. And before i do i want to say clips are one thing. You know, theyre edited down. We choose them for content. But if you get a chance go online and watch the whole press conference from beginning to end. Its astonishing. The only thing i can compare it to is remember when mike tyson bit Evander Holyfields ear off . And then he bit his other ear off . [ laughter ] this was the president ial equivalent of that. Trump wasnt even scheduled to take questions today. He was going to give a brief update on an executive order he signed to boost infrastructure. But reporters wanted to ask about his weak response to what happened in charlottesville, and things went infrastrucking nuts from there. [ laughter ] honestly if the press were not fake and if it was honest the press would have said what i said was very nice. But unlike you and excuse me. Unlike you and unlike the media, before i make a statement i like to know the facts. Jimmy thats right. Hes very careful about that. [ laughter ] like the fact that ted cruzs father killed jfk and obama was born in kenya. Hes a stickler for the facts. [ laughter ] so when they got to his statement about putting the blame for the murder and the hate crimes in charlottesville on many sides, not just the nazis and klan members, a statement he tried to soften yesterday by specifically denouncing those groups, not only did he go back to his original statement. He doubled down and actually defended their actions. When you say the altright, define altright to me. You define it. Go ahead. Im saying no, define it for me. Senator mccain defined them as the same group okay, what about the altleft that came charging excuse me. What about the altleft that came charging at as you say the altright . Do they have any semblance of guilt . Let me ask you this. What about the fact they came charging, that they came charging with clubs in their hands, swinging clubs . Do they have any problem . I think they do. Jimmy i think we do. [ laughter ] i think is i think we might need an altpresident right now. I will tell you something. I watched this very closely, much more closely than you people watched it. And you have you had a group on one side that was bad and you had a group on the other side that was also very violent. And nobody wants to say that. But ill say it right now. Jimmy dont say it right now. [ laughter ] dont ever. So he put blame on both sides. But he also had kind words for both sides. Neonazis started this. They came to charlottesville, they showed up in charlottesville excuse me. Excuse me. They didnt you had some very bad people in that group. But you also had people that were very fine people. On both sides. Jimmy very fine people on both sides. Lets look at some of the very fine people on the trump side there. This is from the rally on friday. Jews will not replace us jimmy so heres the thing. If youre with a group of people and theyre chanting things like jews will not replace us and you dont immediately leave that group, you are not a very fine person. [ cheers and applause ] and by the way, today david duke, who is a very fine former grand wizard of the kkk, tweeted thank you President Trump for your honesty and courage to tell the truth about charlottesville. When david duke thanks you for your honesty and courage, something has gone awry. [ laughter ] and then after all this, after 15 straight minutes of unprecedented insanity, and you really should watch the whole thing, our president , as he left the podium, said this. Thank you all very much. Thank you. Thank you. Do you plan to go to charlottesville, mr. President . Good afternoon and welcome to the lead. And wow. That was something else. Hes still talking. Lets stay listening. Its in charlottesville. Youll see. Where is it is the winery. I mean, i know a lot about charlottesville. Charlottesville is a great place thats been very badly hurt over the last couple of days. I own actually one of the largest wineries in the united states. Its in charlottesville. Jimmy he cant resist a plug. He just cant. [ laughter ] my wine is fantastic. Especially the white. [ laughter ] there are some very fine bottles. [ cheers and applause ] this is so crazy. Everybodys been asking, you think trumps going to last four years . Im wondering now if any of us are going to last four years. [ laughter ] this is i havent screamed at my tv this much since mcdreamy died really is the last time. [ laughter ] the only person whos happy right now is sean spicer. Hes doing backflips wherever the hell he is. Ive been thinking about this. I want to speak to those of you who voted for donald trump. And first of all, i want to say i get it. I actually do. Youre unhappy with the way things were going. You wanted someone to come in and shake things up. You didnt want business as usual. Nothing ever seems to get done. Its always the same. These candidates make a lot of promises that go nowhere. It happens over and over again. And youre sick of it. And so this guy shows up riding down a golden escalator. Hes not part of the political establishment. In fact, hes the opposite of that. Hes a billionaire. Maybe. Hes written books. Hes not politically correct. Hes not even correct usually. [ laughter ] he talks tough. He wants to drain the swamp. Sometimes he can be funny. He rips into his opponents in a way politicians never do, have never done before. And you thought, you know what . This guys different and thats what i want. Different. Lets roll the dice, lets get him in there, have him run the country like a business. Cut the dead weight, toughen everyone up. Lets shake this etchasketch hard and start over. So you vote for him. You pick him over jeb bush and ted cruz and john kasich and a dozen other republicans whose names we forgot. And ultimately he beats them. He strolls in, he beats all of these guys. These guys who have been in politics forever. And then he beats the ultimate political insider, hillary clinton, a woman whos been running for office a woman who ran for president of her mothers uterus in the womb. Forever. [ laughter ] he beats her. Everyone said he couldnt. Everyone said he wouldnt. But he did. And its exciting because this is your guy. You picked a horse like 351 and somehow it paid off. So now hes the president. And it starts off okay. Meets with president obama and they seem to have a nice conversation. Then he moves into the white house. Right off the bat hes angry at the media for reporting the crowd at his inauguration was smaller than he thought it was. Which was weird but not important really. And he claimed and stopped raining when he was speaking at his inaugural address, which everyone could see it was raining. But okay. It was his first week. You give him a break. Sew gets in there, hires his daughter. He hires his soninlaw. Demands an investigation of voter fraud even though he won the election. [ laughter ] he calls the Prime Minister of australia and hangs up on him. He wont shake Angela Merkels hand. He doesnt know Frederick Douglass isnt alive. He claims he cant release his tax returns because theyre under audit, then says hes not going to release them at all. He signs a ban on muslims that he claims isnt a ban on muslims. He compliments the president of the philippines for murdering drug addicts. Hours after a terror attack in london he starts a fight with their mayor. After criticizing obama for playing golf he plays golf every weekend. He accidentally shares classified intelligence with the russians. He tweets a typo at midnight, then wakes up and claims it was a secret message. [ laughter ] he praises jim comey in october, calls him a coward in june. He fires him. He lashes out at his own attorney general for recusing himself from an investigation. He hires the mooch, he fires the mooch. He bans the transgendered in the military without telling anyone in the military hes doing it. He plays chicken with kim jong un. And thats just some of the list. If i went through all of it it would be longer than the menu at the cheesecake factory. It would be huge. [ applause ] so here he is by every reasonable account, and im using his own words here, he is a total disaster. He screws up royally every day. Sometimes two or three times a day. We cant keep up with it. Things come out of nowhere. Every day theres something nuts. But youve been trying to ignore it because you dont want to admit to these smug annoying liberals that they were right. Thats the last thing you want to do. But the truth is deep down inside you know you made a mistake. You know you picked the wrong guy. And it isnt getting better. Its getting worse. So you can do one of two things. You can dig in like Chris Christie at a hometown buffet. [ laughter ] or you can treat the situation like you would if youd put star wars wallpaper up in the kitchen. All right, i got caught up. I was excited. I made a mistake. [ laughter ] and now it needs to go. Well, now he does need to go. So its time for especially you who voted for him [ cheers and applause ] to tell him to go. Please. Think about it. It makes it he doesnt even want to be president. Hes miserable. But he wont resign because his ego is too big. He cant do it. So either we impeach him, which could happen but it might not, or we do what he would do in this situation. We negotiate. We make a deal. And i know this is going to sound nuts, but i have an idea. So hear me out on this. I think this could solve all our problems. Were all going to have to be on board with this. Instead of president we make donald trump king. [ laughter ] okay . We make him the first king of america. Think about it. England has a queen. She lives in a palace. Everyone makes a big deal when she shows up. She has no power at all. In the morning they put a crown on her head, she stands there and waves, she goes back to bed. Thats it. If the queen were to walk out on the balcony and open her shirt nothing over there would change. The queen could be completely bonkers, it would make no difference at all. Shed still be queen, it would still be fine. Thats what we need to do with donald trump. We need to set him up in a castle, maybe in florida. Lead him to the top. And then lock the door to that castle. [ cheers and applause ] forever. Everyone can call him your highness. Maybe we give him a scepter that he can hold. He can sit there watching fox and friends, maybe chip golf balls out of the window of his tower. Theres no way he turns that deal down. If we tell him hes going to be the king. Weve got to get creative here. Because enough is desperate times call for desperate measures. And im asking you, the people who supported donald trump, to step in and help for the good of this country. Mike pence is ready. Hes boring. Hes relatively sane. He looks like a neighbor you might borrow a lawnmower from. [ laughter ] lets get him in there before its too late. Lets make America Great britain again. [ cheers and applause ] theres never been a Greater Division just about than what we have right now. The hatred, the animosity. I will bring people together. Im going to bring people together. You watch. Were going to bring people together. Jimmy well, we are watching. Well be right back with floyd mayweather. [ cheers and applause ] dicky Abcs Jimmy Kimmel live, brought to you by dominos. Liberty mutual stood with me when this guy got a flat tire in the middle of the night. Hold on dad. Liberty did what . Yeah, Liberty Mutual 24hour roadside assistance helped him to fix his flat so he could get home safely. My dad says our insurance doesnt have that. Dont worry i know what a lug wrench is, dad. Is this a lug wrench . Maybe . You can leave worry behind when liberty stands with you™. Liberty stands with you™. Liberty mutual insurance. When you filter out the bad. Youre left with. The good. In life. And in water. Choose the cleaner, better tasting world of brita. Choose the filtered life. Lets go reed lets go k [ clap clap ] lets go yellow lets go [ clap clap ] lets go rainbow lets go get ready, set, go back to school. Cameras. Introducing the newly redesigned gla suv. At a price thatll make you feel like youve gotten away with something. The 2018 gla. Lease the gla250 for 359 a month at your local mercedesbenz dealer. Mercedesbenz. The best or nothing. Do you remember when i took your [photo this morning . , [boy] yea [intern] im afraid i have some terrible news. You have. Bug eyes here come the bugs ahh bugs everywhere uh oh, this little buggy got a lasagna. Jimmy hi. Welcome back to the show. Tonight, she is an emmy nominee for her work on a littleknown tv program called this is us. Chrissy metz is here with us. [ cheers and applause ] and then a very funny man. Hes a regular at the new York Distilling Company in williamsburg. Comedian Charles Gould is here. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night on the show the very funny Zach Galifianakis will be here, lake bell and well have music from midland. On thursday salma hayek, jay ellis and bearstronaut will be here. [ cheers and applause ] please join us for that. Our first guest tonight retired from boxing with a perfect record of 490. His only loss came on dancing with the stars. [ laughter ] on august 26th in las vegas he returns to the ring to fight ufc champion Conor Mcgregor in the unlikeliest matchup since batman versus superman. Please welcome floyd money mayweather. [ cheers and applause ] how are you doing . Thanks for coming. Its great to have you here. Thanks. Jimmy i know youre training right now. This is a serious time for you, isnt it . Its cool. Jimmy how are you feeling . I feel like money. [ laughter ] jimmy you have the nicest teeth of any boxer ive ever met. You really do have beautiful teeth. Yeah. Jimmy do people tell you that often p . Defense. Defense. Jimmy thats right. You never get hit so nothing ever happens. Thats what its about. Jimmy dont you think in a time like this, and i know this is a big fight, that it would be a great message if instead of fighting you and conor get in the ring and you sit down and instead of fighting you just talk your differences out . [ laughter ] wouldnt that be a wonderful message . No. Jimmy it wouldnt . No. We want to give people what they want to see. Excitement. Jimmy all right. You can do that too. Yes. Jimmy theyre saying this is going to be the biggest fight of all time. Do you think it will be . Its going at the right pace. At the pace right now that were going its going to be bigger than the pacquiao fight. And jimmy that was a big fight. I talked about this before. I feel like i owe the fans. Since me and pacquiao didnt get the fans a blockbuster, me and mcgregor should give the fans a blockbuster. Jimmy youre going to bust his block is whats going to happen, right . [ applause ] yes. Jimmy do you genuinely dislike Conor Mcgregor . Yes. [ laughter ] i dont like him at all. Jimmy does it help you when you dont like the guy youre fighting to train and to be motivated . It really doesnt matter, you know. If the payday there and the fans want to see it, then were going to make it happen. Jimmy do you dislike Manny Pacquiao . No, i dont dislike manny. Jimmy did you dislike him before the fight . No. Jimmy is there a thing that happens after the fight where you actually start to have an affection for the other guy, where you feel like okay no, i dont mean in a weird way. Where youre like, you know like i remember being on the playground [ laughter ] go ahead. Im listening. Jimmy will you make love to Conor Mcgregor [ laughter ] uhuh. Jimmy thats not what i mean. But it doesnt matter. It makes no difference. This is something that i think this is an interesting fight just because its different than any other fight thats come before. Yes. Jimmy but this is something thats painted on the wall at Conor Mcgregors gym. He has a i guess thats you being punched hard in the face by him. Did you guys pose for this or was this just [ laughter ] i guess its something that they just made up. Jimmy something they made up. Do you think theyre going to paint over that when it goes as everyone seems to think its going to go . Im pretty sure. Jimmy you should buy that gym from him and knock it down with a wrecking ball. [ laughter ] we can do that. [ applause ] jimmy that would be something. You could potentially make how much money could you reasonably walk out of this fight with . 350 million. Jimmy 350 million. Yes. Jimmy wow. You love i know you love you love money, right . [ laughter ] its cool. Its cool. Jimmy how did you get the nickname money . Did you name yourself money or was somebody else they just started calling me that. Jimmy they just started calling you that. You always have a lot of money with you. A little bit. Jimmy i have a picture of this is from instagram. Youre on what looks like a private plane. My private plane. Jimmy your private plane. Sorry. With a whole lot of money and it looks like a couple of bowls of ketchup maybe also. [ laughter ] no. Those are cup holders. Jimmy oh, those are cup holders. Okay. [ laughter ] sorry. I dont have a private plane. What do you do with all this money . I mean, like do you use it . Enjoy it. Jimmy are you using the cash . You know, cash is king. Jimmy do you have an atm card . Im the human atm. [