[ cheers and applause ] as you probably heard by now, this afternoon nevada state parole board unanimously voted to grant o. J. Parole. He served nine years for armed robbery. O. J. Simpson for those of you too young to remember, is the second most embarrassing Person Associated with the kardashian family. [ cheers and applause ] right after scott disick. And not only was the parole good news for o. J. It was good news for our nations news anchors who got a chance to really let their creative juices flow. The juice is almost loose. The juice will be set loose. The juice will soon be on the loose. The juice will be loose. The juice will be loose. The juice is loose. The juice is loose. The juice is loose. The juice is loose. The juice is loose. The juice is loose. The juice is loose. The judge let the goose loose. Or the juice, i should say. Yeah, yeah. You definitely should say. Technically, the juice is not [ cheers and applause ] i dont know. Youre not clapping because o. J. s out, are you . [ laughter ] he could be released by october 1st. On which date hell be picked up at the lovelock correctional facility via helicopter and flown directly to the set of dancing with the stars. Or bachelor in paradise. Whichever ones in production. [ laughter ] a number of Cable Networks including espn broadcast the hearing live, which wasnt a surprise. You know, o. J. Simpson has been on tv longer than homer simpson. So hes a big draw. [ laughter ] before the parole board weighed in, o. J. Got a chance to make his case for why he should get out sooner rather than later. Im not a guy that has conflicts on the street. I dont expect to have any when i leave here. But i feel that im much better prepared but more so for i think my commitment to being a better christian because i thought i was a good guy. I had some problems with fidelity in my life. But ive always been a guy that pretty much got along with everybody. [ laughter ] jimmy yeah. With two notable exceptions. [ laughter ] but it turns out o. J. [ applause ] o. J. Even got along with his cellmate. Cnn had one of o. J. s former guards on the air today, who gave some interesting specifics as to why o. J. Was such a model prisoner. His first cellmate was, correct me if im wrong, a 69 serial rapist who laid claim to Something Like 100 rapes. Did they get along . Yeah, they got along. His first cellie told me that he raped over 100 women and o. J. And him got along great. [ applause ] jimmy thats nice. You see, hes a people person. Right this way, campers were walking and were walking and were walking and were stopping. Jimmy hi. Whats going on here . Hello. Were from late night summer camp. Its a summer camp that teaches kids about late night tv shows. Jimmy oh. This looks like a pretty good spot. Grab a seat. Crisscross apple sauce. [ laughter ] jimmy whoa. Lets enjoy the show. Jimmy do the kids have to sit right here, though . Oh, well just be here a minute. Go ahead. Jimmy okay. Hi, kids. So i was just talking about o. J. [ laughter ] anyway, as i was saying, o. J. Is headed to naples, florida next. So ladies, if youre in the naples area and you see someone who looks like o. J. On tinder, swipe left. Definitely [ laughter [ laughter ] yikes. Okay, campers, this is a teachable moment. Why was that joke so bad . [ laughter ] julie. It was in bad taste. 100 . Bobby . He used tinder as a punchline for the millionth time. His writers are lazy. [ laughter ] the laziest. Jimmy oh, my now lets see if he can pull out of this tailspin. Jimmy im not in a tailspin. Im not at all in a tailspin. What are you talking about . Raise your hand if you think mr. Kimmel is in a tailspin. Jimmy you know what . Can you guys please leave . Youre distracting me. Im trying to dot monologue. Youre so funny, jimmy. [ laughter ] jimmy thank you. Whos this . Who are you . Hes in sidekick camp. Hes learning how to stand in the wings and giggle at anything the host says. [ laughter ] jimmy oh. Great job, oscar jimmy well, kids, sorry this isnt working out but i think you guys have to leave if you dont mind. We cant really have you on the stage. Fire regulations. Okay . Oh. Okay, then. Okay, come on, gang. Lets go back to the green room and see the substances that t. J. Miller is abusing. Yea [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy so i just want to tell you guys, i have to come clean. It was all scripted. Theyre really not [ laughter ] today in case you didnt know, today is marks six months of president trump. Thats right. Hes already halfway through his presidency. How could it only be six months . Yesterday alone felt like six months in the trump administration. [ laughter ] trumps Approval Rating after six months is 36 . Which is interesting because if his Approval Rating drops below 30 he explodes. Or wait, i might be confusing him with the bus in speed. [ laughter ] 36 means more than a third of the country still supports what hes doing. This morning on fox and friends we met some of those people at a restaurant in clay city, kentucky who were there to chat it up with team trump. What does washington not understand about the working man, the working woman here in kentucky . They just dont understand nothing about us. I think trump understands and i think trump alone, hell take care of the working people. But they need to leave him alone and let him do his job jimmy you know, stop it right there because look at what he is eating. This guy this guys going to need health care more than anyone. [ laughter ] [ applause ] three large pieces of fried i hope chicken. I dont know. And thats breakfast at 7 35 a. M. [ laughter ] but he likes what the president is doing. All i know is donald trump gets the job, six months later o. J. s out of prison. [ laughter ] by the way, this week according to the white house, its made in america week, which also happened to be the title of the o. J. Documentary. More collusion. You know what im saying . [ laughter ] trump was at the white house celebrating made in america week today where somehow the cref a pharmaceutical Glass Company talked him into taking part in some product demonstration. And just like that the roosevelt room in the white house turned into a scene right out of qvc. What this screen is going to show is how much force the president exerts before the vial is broken. All right . So mr. President , if you could please depress the lever. Okay. Depress it down. Stop. Okay. So he did okay. Mr. President , if youd just do the same thing, but this time dont be afraid to lean into it a little. Go on. Really . Its not a test of manhood. [ applause ] okay. Jimmy look at how happy he is. [ laughter ] like a kid at a carnival trying to win a bon jovi mirror or something. [ laughter ] you know, as a businessman trump made a lot of things in america. The decision to have all his suits and ties made in china was made in america, for instance. [ laughter ] so we slowed him down to half speed tonight for a special made in america edition of drunk donald trump. [ slowed down speaking ] i want to welcome made in america week. This is what we call. Made in america right here. And theyre all here. Some of the great business minds. Business geniuses. Congratulations. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy it is thirsty thursday. The president , by the way, i know he doesnt drink, but he gave a real doozy of an interview to the failing New York Times yesterday. He spoke to the times for just under an hour, during which time he accused former fbi director james comey of trying to blackmail him. He brought his granddaughter in to speak chinese to everyone. He talked about hitler and napoleon. And he outlined his new plan for health care. This is an actual quote. This is what hes going to do. We are going to watch obamacare go down the tubes and well blame the democrats. So problem solved, i guess. [ laughter ] trump told reporters he was being unfairly judged because hes only been in office six months and people are expecting him to deliver a health care bill. And he has a point. I mean, where did anyone get the idea that passing health care was going to be easy . Youre going to have such Great Health Care at a tiny fraction of the cost, and its going to be so easy. [ laughter ] jimmy all right. Donald trump hasnt met donald trump. [ applause ] i dont know if theyd get along. The most explosive part of the interview with the times was when trump lashed out at his own attorney general Jeff Sessions. He said that if hed known Jeff Sessions was going to recuse himself from the russia investigation he wouldnt have hired him. Jeff sessions, you may recall, was forced to recuse himself back in march because he had two undisclosed meetings with russians during the campaign when he was an adviser to trump, which obviously was the right thing to do. You cant investigate something you might have been a part of. So he stepped aside. And now this sessions russia stuff has been swirling around for months. But i wonder how closely people pay attention. We went outside to ask people on the street what the attorney general should do about Jeff Sessions. Okay . Of course Jeff Sessions is the attorney general. But did anyone know that . Lets find out in tonights edition of lie witness news. [ cheers and applause ] what do you think the attorney general should do about Jeff Sessions ties to russia . Oh, my god. I think that we need to cut all ties to russia. Right . Thats right. Yeah. What do you think the attorney general should do about Jeff Sessions ties to russia . I definitely think he should see whats up with that. Maybe submit a few inquiries. What do you think the attorney general should do about Jeff Sessionss ties to russia . I think he should try to get him to tell more about what he knew and why he didnt come forward sooner and about that. What would you say if i told you that Jeff Sessions and the attorney general are the same person . That would make sense. Do you believe Jeff Sessions when he says hes more loyal to the confederacy of dunces than to russia . Yeah. You do . I do. And who is Jeff Sessions . A guy that i guess under under aint he from russia . Who is Jeff Sessions . Jeff sessions, is that the guy that has been known for talking about trump doing this and that and he doing what he wants to do, stuff like that . Yeah. And do you know what his specific role in the government is . Is he a part of the government in russia . Yeah. I have no idea who Jeff Sessions is. Do you have any idea who the attorney general is . I thought that was Jeff Sessions. It is. [ applause ] congratulations. You win. [ laughter ] is there anyone youd like to thank . Id like to thank my father, who forced me to watch cnn growing up against my own will. Do you think your dads proud . Oh, probably not, no. Im wearing a rugrats shirt on tv. Hes not proud. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy all right. We have a good show tonight. Run the jewels is here. From the Ufc Dana White is with us. And well be right back with t. J. Miller. [ cheers and applause ] dicky Abcs Jimmy Kimmel live, brought to you by boost mobile. were proud to reveal that jim beam black has been awarded the worlds highest rated bourbon. Their words, not ours. Make history. make history. The lincoln summer invitation is on. Its time for a getaway. Now get our best offers of the season. On the agile mkc. On the versatile midsize lincoln mkx. Or go where summer takes you in the exhilarating mkz. The lincoln summer invitation sales event. Ask about complimentary pick up delivery servicing. Right now get zero percent apr plus 1,000 dollars Summer Savings on the lincoln mkx, mkc and mkz the bestat olive garden. S thcreate your owne. Tour of italy starting at 12. 99 choose 3 of 9 of your favorites and have everything you ove all on one plate but hurry, create your own tour of italy ends soon at olive garden when you switch to progressive. Winds stirring. Too treacherous for a selfie. [ camera shutter clicks ] sure, ive taken discounts to new heights with safe driver and paperless billing. But the prize at the top is worth every last breath. Here we go. [ grunts ] got em. Ahh. Wait a minute. Whole wheat waffles . [ crying ] why get your dorm room ready whole wheat waffles . And take an extra 15 off. Twin xl bedding sets are only 42. 49 desk lamps are just 21. 24 and a keurig mini is 67. 99. Game on. Kohls. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hi there. Welcome. Tonight, on the show, hes the president of the ufc, with two big fights coming up, this month and next. Dana white is here with us. And then their album is called run the jewels 3. Run the jewels from the mercedesbenz stage. [ cheers and applause ] you can see run the jewels this weekend live at the fyf festival right here in los angeles. You know our first guest tonight from television on Silicon Valley and the movies in deadpool. Next he is aiming forrer phone too in the emoji movie. It opens in theaters a week from tomorrow. Please welcome t. J. Miller [ cheers and applause ] welcome, welcome. How are you . Good to see you. Thank you. Jimmy t. J. , im going to start by asking why are you dressed like you just got drafted to the nba . [ laughter ] im dressed like im about to sell you aluminum siding and you dont know what that is. [ laughter ] i dont know. My stylist is Nicole Lumpkin of Nicole Lumpkin couture. It helps me look i guess when im not on television looking like a slobbish stoner im on your show looking like a welldressed slobbish stoner. [ laughter ] jimmy you actually do look sharp. Is this a custommade suit or everything that i wear is Nicole Lumpkin couture. And i love mentioning that because her last name sounds so unfashionable. [ laughter ] it is the worst fashion name possible. What am i wearing . Nicole lumpkin. [ laughter ] couture. Jimmy is that a lumpkin you have on . [ laughter ] what is this ring you have on . Theres a giant ring. Oh. I cant talk about that. [ laughter ] thank you so much for having me. Thank you so much for having me back and to promote no less a major Motion Picture based on because every time any of us use an emoji we go i have that thought, for sure. [ cheers and applause ] its not the way youre supposed to promote things. Were having a fun time promoting it. I am especially. Because everybody has such low standards. You know, everyones kind of like oh, great, well see what this is about. And then its actually a really good heartwarming sort of the sentimentality, its very funny, its thrilling at points and it really moves, which is great. Like the pacing is wonderful. So people walk out of it and they expected to hate it and they even if they just kind of like it theyre like, yeah jimmy thats good. So were excited about it. Bring your low standards and well were perform way above them. Jimmy im glad youre excited about this emoji movie and im glad that things are going well for you. But a, im a little bit angry with you. And b, im worried about you. And im going to tell you why. Why are you quitting Silicon Valley . This is a terrible idea. I love that show. I love your character. I think you do a great job. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. Jimmy the show is not over. In fact, arent there two more seasons of the show to come . I mean, perhaps. Im no yeah, im not on it anymore. Jimmy you will not be on the show anymore. Ono. Jimmy did you get fired . Did you steal something . Did you steal that ring . [ laughter ] i mentioned earlier that i didnt want to talk about this. [ laughter ] jimmy i know you did. Jimathan, please. No, they had a cliffhanger and i thought would be funny just to exit. Youre a family man. You talk about that a lot on the show. Jimmy yeah. I never go home. Im always there, though. You can see me outside peering over your fence. [ laughter ] no, you know, i wanted that 4 1 2 months first of all, i felt myself kind of going on its hard. You know, you do a television show, its very lucky, its such a great show. You guys love the show. I mean [ cheers and applause ] jimmy it is a great show. Its only going to become better with me not on it. Jimmy why do you say that . Because it has to change. It has to grow. Theres Something Dynamic that has to happen. And those 4 1 2 months i wanted to we moved to new york city. And i wanted to spend that time with my wife. Ive worked so hard for so long in every single medium. I feel like i am offered things like deadpool and how to train your dragon and jimmy yeah. But what about Silicon Valley . Wellv you seen the emoji movie . No, i havent. But ill probably watch it with my daughter. Its really a movie for kids primarily, right . And women over the age of 72. [ laughter ] jimmy thats the demo youre going for . We solely want children under 12 and women overt age of 72. Jimmy thats good. You just cut out the weve been killing with it. Jimmy but i really think you should if its not too late, call mike judge, call hbo, whoever the hell you need to call and say im back in. Ehrlichs back. But that would sort of ruin the joke. And jimmy who cares . Have you seen the emoji movie . [ laughter ] you havent, have you . Jimmy no. I mentioned that i hadnt. You didnt do the research. Jimmy i didnt. Maybe if i had seen the emoji movie. We wouldnt even be talking about this. Youd be texting me right now. Jimmy is part of the reason you wanted to move to new york and you wanted to get out of l. A. . Yeah. I felt certainly under this current climate and administration i thought it might be good to have more time to do standup because i thought that would be the way that i would pitch in and kind of jimmy we have that here. Weve got that going on in l. A. Absolutely, yeah. But new york theres a lot more stage time when im in new york. When im in los angeles i do two to four sets possibly. In new york i do six to ten sets. Jimmy per night. In one night, yeah. So seven nights will give you a months worth of stage time in los angeles. So i figure i have to go there to really be able to apply the work ethic the weird thing is, though, is my wife is sort of this famous underground artist in new y