From out of town, you flew here to be okay, quite a few. Im glad none of you were yanked off your plane. Have you seen the video of the guy getting dragged off the united flight yesterday in chicago . They overbooked a flight to louisville. Whenever airlines do this, which i dont understand by the way. Ive been to 100 games and stadiums with 50,000 seats. They never sell the same seat two times to one person, but for some reason, airlines cant figure this out. So when they have more passengers than seats, they offer incentives to get people to volunteer to not fly, and you get a voucher. In this case they offered the people 400 and a hotel. To give up their seats but there were no takers. They upped it to 800 and no takers. So i didnt know they did this. So they randomly selected four passengers to be removed from the plane. [ laughter ] they did. Three of them got up begrudgingly and got off. One of the passengers said he was a doctor and had to be at the hospital in the morning, so he refused to deplane, and this is how that refusal went. [ screaming ] oh, my god. Oh, my god. Oh, my god. No. Oh, my god. My god, what are you doing . No. This is wrong. Oh, my god. Look at what you did to him. Oh my god. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thats interesting to see who laughs at that. Thats how my mother used to get me out of bed to go to school every morning. [ laughter ] this poor guy, they roughed him up. The reason they were overbooked is because they were trying to get four United Airlines employees on board. They said the employees had to get to louisville, so they kicked the customers who paid for the ticket off the plane to make room for them. Then about ten minutes later, the guy they kicked off somehow, ten minutes later, this i have no explanation for, somehow he wound up back on the plane. I have to go home. I have to go home. Jimmy he had to go home. But he didnt go home. They left him in louisville. The employees of united got on and the passengers booed them when they got on the plane, which is all terrible, but this might be the worst part. The ceo of united released a statement via twitter. This is what the ceo tweeted. This is an upsetting event to all of us at united. I apologize for having to reaccommodate these customers. He said reaccommodate. Its like we reaccommodated el chapo out of mexico. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy that is such sanitized say nothing take no responsibility corporate b. S. Speak. I dont know how the guy who sent that tweet didnt vomit when he typed it out. Its crazy. When you break this down, a man was forcibly dragged off a flight because they oversold it. How that happens in the first place, i dont know. And by the way, they almost certainly could have gotten volunt up to 1,000, 5,000, 100,000, who cares. Its not the passengers fault that you sold too many tickets on your plane. Imagine this happening in any other intry. Imagine if this happened at applebees. [ laughter ] imagine if you sit down, order your three cheese chicken meal, whatever, fine. 20 minutes later the waiter comes over and says sorry, we have another party coming and we need this chair. Either you leave or well make you leave. You say i dont want to leave. I ordered my chicken, i want to eat, and he grabs you by the arm and he throws you out. Youd never go to applebees again. Thats the thing, we dont do that. The next time this happens, if one flight is a dollar less than the other ones, thats the one well pick. They know this. Thats why were stuck with them. The only other choice is the bus. [ laughter ] so united didnt even admit they did anything wrong. If anything, they seemed to be doubling down on this. Were United Airlines. You do what we say when we say, and there wont be a problem. Capiche . If we say you fly, you fly. If not, tough [ bleep ]. Oh my god, look at what you did to him give us a problem, and well drag your ass off the plane. If you resist, well beat you so badly youll be using your own face as a flotation device. United airlines, [ bleep ] you. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy wow. Those are the friendly skies. In washington d. C. Today after this long and contentious battle, neil gorsuch was sworn in as the hottest new member of the supreme court. He will start hearing cases next week. Meanwhile, Merrick Garland just got a job as assistant manager at an arbys in bethesda. He was alone in the basement lip syncing the oath along with gorsuch. The only surprise now is this man is now on the supreme court. It means his name is an important part of american history, and here is how everyone has been pronouncing that name. Gorsuch. Judge gorsuch. Judge neil gorsuch. Judge gorsuch. Judge gorsuch. Neil gorsuch. Neil gorsuch. Judge neil gorsuch. Judge gorsuch. Neil gorsuch. Judge gorsuch. I, neil m. Gorsuch. Jimmy everyone says gorsuch. Everyone except, that is, for him. I, neil m. Gorsuch, do solemnly swear jimmy they asked this man 10,000 questions. No one bothered to ask what his name was. So congratulations to neil gorsuch who as a result of being sworn in now gets to live probably every americans fantasy, being able to wear a robe to work. Meanwhile, the court of public opinion, steph curry, allstar guard for the golden state warriors, is getting hammered on social media for his new shoe. He has a new signature shoe. This is it. Its called the curry luxe oxblood leather shoe. 149. 99. People seem to hate it. They say it looks like a couch, they say it looks like a dad shoe. Looks like the interior of an old car, when i guess is bad. I dont know. Are these any worse than any of the other shoes . This is the adidas kobe 2. Its like Little School buses on your feet. [ laughter ] these are shaq shoes. The re book preachers. They look like some kind of wedding cake in space. This is the rick owens adidas walrus, the color of thousand island dressing. Sockny grid 9000s, like big versions of the shoes you wore when you were 3 years old. These are from louis vuitton. 965. It looks like someone got blood on a nurses shoe. All these shoes are crazy looking. What makes those good and this is the bad one . I dont know. Do we really need new shoe designs . I feel like we could make one of the 7,000 we already have work. Right, guillermo . Guillermo right, jimmy. Jimmy thank you very much. At long last what they call the teaser trailer for the new thor movie is here. Its great. I dont know if you saw it. Although i dont like the fact that thor got a haircut. I like the old fabiostyle thor with the hair. This particular chapter of the marvel universe, like a lot of their films, not only does it target a young fan base. It also appeals to an older generation by giving a state of the art look while paying tribute to the past. Its a great combination. Look at this. Asgard is dead. Dont do that, it will bring death and pestilence death and pestilence . Just from doing this . Aah i give you your incredible yes jimmy see what im saying . All right. We are going to take a break. But lets go out to hollywood boulevard. Were going to play a game called which one doesnt belong. Now that family is a family for the most part, except one of those people, cousin sal. Sal yes, one of them. Jimmy does not belong, is not a part of the family. When we come back, i will try to guess which, and then that person will be orphaned, i guess. Well be right back to play which one doesnt belong. Stick around. [ cheers and applause ] whoa youre not taking these. Hey, hey, hey youre not taking those. Whoa, whoa youre not taking that. Come with me. Youre not taking that. Youre not taking that. Youre not taking that. Mom, im taking the subaru. Dont be late. Even when were not there to keep them safe, our Subaru Outback will be. vo love. Its what makes a subaru, a subaru. Hidden in every swing, every chip, and every putt, is data that can make the difference between winning and losing. The microsoft cloud helps the pga tour turn countless points of data into insights that transform their business and will enhance the game for players and fans. The microsoft cloud turns information into insight. Studying to be a dentist and she gave me advice. She said dad. Go pro with crest prohealth. 4 out of 5 dentists confirm these crest prohealth products. Help maintain a professional clean. Crest prohealth. Really brought my mouth. To the next level. Go pro with crest prohealth at red lobsters lobsterfestime. Any of these 9 lobster dishes could be yours. So dont resist delicious new lobster mix and match or lobsterfest surf and turf because you wont have this chance for long. Dad likare you going to weeks be using my car . Until my Insurance Claim goes through this is our car. Mr. Parker, my parents have allstate. They have this claim satisfaction guarantee. Really . Their claim experience is fast, fair, and hasslefree or they get their, like, money back. Saraaah come to prom with me no. Hey mr. Parker. Claim satisfaction guarantee, only from allstate. Its good to be in good hands. Introducing the galaxy s8. With an infinity screen that gives you less to hold, and much more to see. And makes your world infinitely bigger. Testinhuh . Sting is this thing on . Come on your turn where do pencils go on vacation . Pennsylvania laughter crunchy wheat frosted sweet kelloggs frosted miniwheats. Feed your inner kid jimmy welcome back to the show. John same mow, bob saget, tim rock bin son, music from snakehips and mo is on the way. This is kind of disgusting. In florida a Company Called fresh express. Have you seen the prepackaged salads at the grocery store. The kit and the croutons and the seeds and all that. The dressing and everything is in the bag. Fresh express just had to recall, like, i dont know, hundreds of containers of spring mix, because there was a dead bat in a package. Yeah. Thats what the people who opened it said. The Company Recalled 600 cases. The victim bought the product at walmart in florida. While they have no idea how the bat got in the bag, they do know the odds of this happening in florida were exactly 100 . [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] they didnt even have to trace it. They just knew. Maybe it wasnt a bat. Maybe it was a vampire in bat form. Maybe they killed dracula and should be celebrating. While were on the subject of flying creatures and death. This is the scene of a funeral where the diagram tick release of three white doves proved to be just as bad a decision as you might have expected it to be. For as the white dove, i too have been set free. Lift up your hearts and share with me. Got set you free. Here you go first. The holy trinity. Jimmy now its a holy duo, i guess. The lord works in mysterious ways. All right. Lets go out on the street. Were going to play this game. Okay. So one of the people in this lineup is pretending to be a member of that family. What my job is is to determine which person is the imposter, okay . And so sal, where is this family from . Do we know anything about them . Sal theyre from elmira, new york. I dont think that gives it away, but you can go from there. Jimmy most of these people are from elmira, new york. I suppose it could be coincidence they are all from there. Lets start with the dad. Mark, how are you . Fine. Jimmy you have the whole gang . The whole gang. Jimmy you love these kids . To death. Jimmy you love them all . Of course. Jimmy equally . Well, kind of. Jimmy okay. All right. Go through the ages of your kids. Run it down, real quick. All right. Valerie, 17. Hannah, 16. Jack, 15. Nolan, 8. Jimmy that was well done. Thank you. Jimmy nolan, what does your dad do for a living . Hes a dentist. Jimmy jack, how long has your dad been a dentist . I dont know. Jimmy see . You know what . I still dont know what my dad does, so im not ruling him out for that. [ laughter ] jack, does your dad ever look at your teeth . Yes. Jimmy and how do they look . They look pretty good. Sal beautiful braces. Jimmy did your dad put the braces on you . No, he didnt. Jimmy ah, now i know that jack is indeed a member of that family, because an orthodontist would have done that. Hannah, what about you . Do you have braces . Yes. Jimmy are you and jack twins . No. Jimmy are you related . Yes. Jimmy you love your brother . Yes. Jimmy give him a kiss. Just for the heck of it. Aw, look at that, how sweet. Lets see if jack turns red, watch his face. Jack is staying pretty white. Its a very white family we have here. Sal did it again. Jimmy i would say okay. Valerie has different colored hair than the whole rest of the group, which would make me think that its probably her, but that also could have been done just to throw me off. Valerie, what grade are you in . Im a senior. Jimmy do you like being in upstate new york . I love it. Jimmy what do you love about it . Nothing. I hate it. [ laughter ] jimmy huh. Im stumped. Well, maybe its could it be mark no. Maybe it is mark thats the father. Mark, im going to guess mark. You are not are you the imposter . No. Jimmy oh. All right. Well, if you are the imposter, raise your hand. Okay. I thought it might work, but it didnt. No. All right. We have jack. We have hannah. Nolan, im going to guess that you are the imposter. Yes. Jimmy you are the imposter . Wow. Very well done, nolan. Nolan, are you do you have a family . Are you a runaway . No, im not. Jimmy where are you from . Cottage grove, minnesota. Jimmy so you dont even know these people . Well, i dont know. Jimmy okay. Sal trying to get in on the free braces. Jimmy all right. Nolan, we have prizes for all of you. What do we have . Sal for the real family, we have a Gift Certificate to the sit letter. Jimmy thats beautiful. Sal for nolan, a unicycle. Jimmy how about that. All right. There you go. I dont know. I guess thats it. All right. I think i won. Did i win . I guess i didnt win. Guillermo, did i win . Guillermo no. Jimmy no, all right. We have a good show for you tonight. We have a very special show for you tonight. First of all, music from snakehips and mo. Not that thats not special but thats not what im talking about. From comedy central, tim robinson is here. John stamos and bob saget will be here to share memories of our friend don rickles when we come back so stick around. Dicky portions of Jimmy Kimmel Live brought to you by chegg, a smarter way to student. And a thing called love. Let me tell you bout the stars in the sk , a girl and a guy and the way they could kiss on a night like this lifes as big as you make it. Introducing the allnew seven seater volkswagen atlas and a thing called love. Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea heres pepto bismol ah. Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea oh, its actually. S your sfx short balloon squeal its ver. Sfx balloon squeals ok can we. Sfx balloon squeals im being so serious right now. I really want to know how your coffee is. Its. Sfx balloon squeals hahahaha, i had a 2nd balloon goodbye oof, that milk in your coffee was messing with you, wasnt it . Yeah. Happens to more people than you think. Try lactaid, its real milk, without that annoying lactose. Mmm. Good right . Yeah. Lactaid. Its the milk that doesnt mess with you. 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Do not take viberzi if you have or may have had pancreas or severe liver problems, problems with alcohol abuse, longlasting or severe constipation, or a blockage of your bowel or gallbladder. If you are taking viberzi, you should not take medicines that cause constipation. The most common side effects of viberzi include constipation, nausea, and abdominal pain. Stay ahead of ibsd. With viberzi. When they thought they should westart saving for retirement. Le then we asked some older people when they actually did start saving. This gap between when we should start saving and when we actually do is one of the reasons why too many of us arent prepared for retirement. Just start as early as you can. Its going to pay off in the future. If we all start saving a little more today, well all be better prepared tomorrow. Prudential. Bring your challenges. Jimmy welcome back. Tonight hes a very funny guy, hes the cocreator and star of the show detroiters on comedy central, tim robinson is here. [ cheers and applause ] then their song is called dont leave, what if they did though, hopefully they wont. Snakehips mo from the mercedesbenz stage. Tomorrow night richard gere will be here, kelly oxford will join us, and we will have music from the shins. And later this week armie hammer, judd apatow, tony goldwyn, charlize theron, music from john mayer and romeo santos. Please join us for all that. [ cheers and applause ] my first guests tonight met in a make believe living room with a make believe family but their love is real and strong here to share some memories of our friend don rickles, please welcome john stamos and bob saget. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you for coming. Its good to have you guys here. Ive been thinking about you guys. Been thinking about you. Your tribute was beautiful last week. Jimmy well, i was thinking about you guys and how close you were, i mean, really, like family with don. Which one of you did he like better . Lets just start with that. John . Do you think john was the favorite . Well, he called him stahmos, he never got his name right. John got close with him first. I think he took him back to an older time of show business when people were like john, handsome and smart, and didnt talk about show business. Talked about family. [ laughter ] thats why full house will never go off the air. Jimmy how did you meet don . I was at tonys taverna, a greek restaurant. I sat next to him. It was about 15 or 17 years ago. It was before his renaissance, his resurgence. It was interesting to sort of be by his side to watch him get the accolades he deserved. I think after the documentary, people saw hes still alive and still the funniest man on the planet. Jimmy thats a great opportunity to watch, mr. Warmth. It really covered his career, the beginning part of his career, which, you know, even, like, for me, i loved him on the tonight show. Youd see him in all these things. But i didnt know about all the stuff that preceded that. I became in love with him at 17 years old. I snuck into the latin casino in new jersey. I was underage. I got ar