The audience going and warmed up and all that kind of stuff. But dons in the hospital tonight. Yeah. And so dicky and guillermo filled in. How did they do . [ cheers and applause ] guillermo yeah, we did great jimmy you did all right . Dicky this is going to kill don. I hope dons not watching, jimmy. Thank you, we were mediocre. Jimmy i think i speak on behalf of the audience and the staff when we say we are praying for dons return. Thank you for coming in, gentlemen. By the way, quick note note. To those of you who still have your Christmas Lights up . Take those down. Thank you. [ cheers and applause ] its time. I know there are companies that will take your Christmas Lights down. There should also be companies that take your neighbors Christmas Lights down. Its enough. You should give people until january 25th. Then we will unleash an army of 11yearolds with bb guns to shoot those lights out. [ cheers and applause ] maybe thats one of the issues President Trump will tackle in his first 100 days. On friday, Donald Jemima trump [ laughter ] thats his middle name will officially become the president of the united states. Theyve had a lot of difficulty trying to get bigname performers to sing at the inauguration. Turns out it was easier to book Celebrity Apprentice than this party. Trump has been snubbed by a Bruce Springsteen cover band. Not Bruce Springsteen himself. The b street band is the name of the band. I wonder why they thought it was a good idea to book a Bruce Springsteen cover band in the first place . I went on their website, they have a gig friday night playing a prom after party in hamilton township, new jersey. Not even playing the prom itself, theyre playing the prom after party. And even they wont play at the inauguration for president. Its all very sad. Paul anka and Jennifer Holladay backed out. So far the only celebrity who hasnt backed out of the inauguration is donald trump himself. It will be fun. Thumpenthusiasts from all over the country are headed to the festivities. Including a group of supporters from right here in los angeles. Were there, were there this is what you call letting your hair down. All four of those folks excited about going to Donald Trumps swearingin and inauguration ball. And are they ever ready to rock the house, because their guy will be in the white house. Jimmy wow. [ laughter ] [ applause ] why not have them perform at the inauguration . By the way, those are the people youve been fighting with on facebook. [ laughter ] this is good. On friday trump stopped down in the lobby at trump tower to chat with reporters. He does it from time to time. One of the reporters asked about his cabinet picks. Some of the cabinet picks have been expressing different views from his in their confirmation interviews. I have to say i like the answer he gave. We want them to be themselves and i told them, be yourselves and say what you want to say. Dont worry about me. And im going to do the right thing. Whatever it is. I may be right. And they may be right. But i said, be yourselves. Wouldnt you say . Let them do it. I could have said, do this, i dont want that. [ laughter ] jimmy it gets funnier every day. Steve harveys like, i dont even know what the hell im doing here. I hope hes there to get the trumps on family feud because that would be imagine he faces off in the final round against like Kellie Pickler or something . You know that document that has the allegations about trump and the hookers and the hotel room in russia. Vladimir putin has finally weighed in on that subject. For real. This is not a joke, this is not a bit. This is from fox news today, this is real translation of what Vladimir Putin had to say about it. Translator first of all, hes a grownup man. Secondly, hes a person who has dealt with organizing beauty pageants. Not all his life but for many years. And has communicated with the worlds most beautiful women. You know, i can hardly imagine that he immediately headed off to the hotel to meet with our girls on reduced social responsibility. Although they are also the best in the world, obviously. Jimmy yeah, obviously. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i just want to get this straight. Im not sure did he just brag that russian hookers are the best hookers in the world . As great as our prostitutes are, and they are number one, donald trump doesnt need those prostitutes because hes been with the worlds most beautiful women in the beauty pageant. I can see why these guys get along, i really can. I can see them moving in together eventually. So thats a fun little bromance. Congratulations are in order for charlie rose and the gang at cbs this morning who unwittingly provided us today with a truly stellar edition of the segue of the day. Youre smiling awful hard. Giggling. Very giggly and giddy today. Yes, yes, thats right. What are we missing, charlie . I dont know, its just giddy. It says charlie in the prompter. Okay, now. Im charlie rose with gayle king and miss nora donal. And six people are dead after a dangerous ice storm. [ laughter ] jimmy im sure thats how they would want to be remembered. This is great. Senator john mccain was on morning joe today and hes going to be an interesting character to watch the next six months. As time goes by he appears to be giving less of what they call a crap. Joining us now from capitol hill, chairman of the Senate Armed Services committee, republican senator john mccain of arizona. Very good to have you on the show this morning, sir. Thank you. Im freezing my ass off. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hed do good weather for us. Id like to wish happy birthday to our first Lady Michelle obama, who mrs. Obama turned 53 today. [ cheers and applause ] i dont know, i dont know how they celebrated but i hope it was by lighting the white house vegetable garden on fire and eating digging into a fudgy the whale cake while she watched it burn. President obama tweeted a message to his wife today. He wrote, to the girl from the south side who took on a role she didnt ask for, made it her open, happy birthday, michelle, i love you, which is very sweet. Donald trump responded, wrong, the highly overrated birthday girl Michelle Obama is a disaster, sad. You know, its obviously fake but it does take a second to figure out that it is. Its not entirely out of the question for him to tweet that. [ laughter ] as you know republicans in congress have been hard at working looking to repeal and replace obamacare right now. People have very strong opinions about the president S Health Care plan. Back in i think 2013, we conducted an experiment here on the show. Went on the street and asked people which was better, obamacare or the Affordable Care act . Which as anyone who knows anything about this subject at all knows obamacare is just a nickname for the Affordable Care act. Theyre the same thing. So with all the attention being paid to the subject lately we decided to ask this question again to see if americans have learned anything over the last three years. And well, lets see if we have. Were talking to people about health care today. Okay. Do you support obamacare or the Affordable Care act . Affordable care act. Why is that . Well, i mean im not the biggest fan of obama. So i dont support him in the obama things that hes got going on. Im actually really excited for president elect donald trump. Right. So you dont like anything obama does, and you prefer the Affordable Care act . Absolutely. Do you support obamacare . Or the Affordable Care act . I support obamacare. So if you were a senator and you could vote today you would vote to keep obamacare instead of the Affordable Care act . Yes. Do you support obamacare or the Affordable Care act . I guess the Affordable Care act. Affordable care act. Why do you prefer the Affordable Care act over obamacare . Im not really sure. My girlfriend supports trump. So i go with whatever she goes, whatever she says. What is the main difference between obamacare and the Affordable Care act . One is the you pay and then the other one is obama pays. Pays for you. Obama pays the difference . The difference. What makes obamacare better than the Affordable Care act . Its more affordable for the less fortunate, id say. Obamacare is more affordable than the Affordable Care act . Id say it is. I believe that obamacare, the premiums are too much, too high. So people end up paying more. So i believe in the Affordable Care act. So the Affordable Care act is more affordable than obamacare . Right, correct. Which is obvious based on the name. In the name, right. Why do you like the Affordable Care act more than obamacare . Because i dont like obama. But you like the Affordable Care act . Yeah. What if i told you obamacare and the Affordable Care act are the same thing . Were talking about health care with people out here today. Do you support obamacare or the Affordable Care act . You know, im kind of like [ laughter ] can you repeat the question . Sure, yeah. With health care, do you support obamacare or the Affordable Care act . When it comes to health care . I guess i mean, obamas pretty tight so i guess id probably go with that. Sure, sure. How stoned are you right now . Pretty stoned. [ laughter ] do you know what your Current HealthCare Insurance map is . I dont know, man. I dont think i have health insurance. Not at all . No, i think my mom took me on her health insurance, shoutout to moms. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy im sure shes very proud. We have to take a break. When we come back, i have some thoughts about last nights episode of the bachelor. And the new Los Angeles Chargers are here to pledge allegiance to l. A. , so stick around [ cheers and applause ] enjoy your phone you too. All right, be cool. You got the amazing new iphone 7 on the house by switching to at t. What . . Aand you got unlimited data because you have directv . . laughs to self in disbelief okay, just a few more steps. Door its cool get the iphone 7 on us and unlimited data when you switch to at t and have directv. Kids, juicy fruitmmmm with longerlasting flavor . Mmm zipping zipping rattling longerlasting juicy fruit. So sweet you cant help but chew and chew. Tax refund, you can get an advance on that refund . [zombie] an advance on my tax refund. [john] doesnt take brains to see the value in that. [zombie] ha [john] arghh. [vo] you can get a refund advance of up to 1250 no interest at block. [john] get you taxes won. Testinhuh . Sting is this thing on . Come on your turn where do pencils go on vacation . Pennsylvania laughter crunchy wheat frosted sweet kelloggs frosted miniwheats. Feed your inner kid new pantene doesnt just wash i wiyour hair, it fuels it. Gain. Making every strand stronger. So tangles dont stand a chance. Because strong is beautiful. As ai can embrace a worldber, full of surprising moments. The new marriott portfolio of hotels now has 30 brands in over 110 countries. So no matter where you go, you are here. Join or link accounts today. Hthe first ever chevy getcruze hatch. On but more importantly, i wanted to get your opinions. bark you wanna check it out . bark the cruze has apple carplay compatibility. So when you plug your iphone in, some of your favorite apps show up. bark plenty of space for all of mias friends. Or not. Gotta go current qualified lessees can get a sign and drive lease on this firstever cruze hatchback. Plus, find your tag and get an additional 500 lease cash on select chevy vehicles. Find new roads at your local chevy dealer. [ it[ goat bleat ] by peggy lee playing ] [ crow caws, music continues ] this is gonna be awesome when it comes to buying a house. Trulia knows the house is only half of it. And with 34 map overlays like playgrounds, demographics, schools, and more. You can find the right house and the right neighborhood for you. Trulia. The house is only half of it. Jimmy welcome back to the show. Vin dice sell, katie mixon is on the way. First, today we marked a major milestone in the history of social media today. We said goodbye to vine. Remember vine . A site with very short videos, a maximum of six seconds long . For me it was the Perfect Place to post my homemade sex tapes. [ laughter ] like my magic number. It was a big deal for a while. Then i guess people stopped using it. Maybe we got to the point we cant sit through six full seconds anymore. For a lot of people vine was a big part of life. And its gone now. So to pay tribute to this shortlived, shortform video app, we put together a montage. Please direct your attention to the screen as we remember vine. I will remember jimmy and thats that. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] sadly we never did find out if that kid got those spoons off his eyes. Vine is gone. Thankfully we still have the bachelor. The bachelor has been here for, i dont know, 14 years, well after we die it will be around. Last night was the third episode of the season. And the standout so far this season is a woman named corinne. Shes 24. She lives with her parents which is fine. But what sets corinne apart from other contestants in bachelor history is she has a nanny. She as 24yearold woman with a nanny named raquel back home. And last night she finally shared this tidbit with the rest of the group. My nanny will handle a baby. I cant handle myself. I need to get raquel ready for that. What . Raquel is my nanny. Nanny . Yeah. You have a nanny . I do. Do you have kids . No. Why do you have a nanny . Im a kid. Youre a kid . How old are you . 24 . Yeah. You have a nanny . Raquel keeps my life together. She makes sure that my bed is made every morning. Makes my cucumber and my like vegetable slices for lunch. She makes me lemon salad. She knows exactly how much oil, lemon, garlic salt i like. I makes her happy, im not going to sap a womans happiness. Jimmy isnt that sweet. You dont want to sap a womans happiness. [ cheers and applause ] id like to imagine raquel at home watching that and spitting in her cucumber and lemon salad. In more masculine news, the chargers are moving have moved to los angeles. Paperworks been filed. The plan is happening. But nfl rules state that the chargers cannot leave san diego until the players have been officially sworn in. With that said id like you to please welcome from the new l. A. Chargers, quarterback Philip Rivers and rookie of the year joey bosa. Gentlemen, welcome, welcome, welcome. [ cheers and applause ] welcome, wow. Its great to have you here. And be honest with me. You dont have to are you happy . Are you excited about moving to l. A. . Im warming up to it a little bit. Jimmy you are . 13 years in san diego. Jimmy you make a home there, san diegos real nice, now you have to come here and everybodys weird. [ laughter ] you just have one year. Jimmy congratulations. Plenty of weird people in miami. Jimmy rookie of the year. Miamis weird too, yeah. Congratulations on that. Thats a big deal, right . [ cheers and applause ] are you proud of him . Oh, yeah, bigtime. Jimmy i at least feel like im 11 years old next to guys like you. So anyway. What we have to do is swear you in. Are you ready to participate in this . Guillermo, bring it in. Here we go. This is los angeles. And you will be representing us. Id like to ask you to please these arent yours . Jimmy theyre not mine. Place your hand on this pair of yoga pants. One hand. Raise your other hand and repeat after me. I, state your name and number. I, Philip Rivers. I, joey bosa. Jimmy do solemnly swear do solemnly swear jimmy to play football in the great city of los angeles. To play football in the great city of los angeles. Jimmy to try to be better than the rams which shouldnt be that hard [ cheers and applause ] to try to be better than the rams. Ill let him say it shouldnt be that hard. Jimmy i will embody the spirit of l. A. I will embody the spirit of l. A. Jimmy by adding avocado to everything i eat. Avocado to everything. Not a fan, sorry. Jimmy i will instagram my soul cycle classes. I dont have instagram. Jimmy boy, you guys are not going to fit in at all. [ laughter ] i will learn to pronounce quinoa. Quinoa, think i got that. Jimmy i will pay 7 for juice every day. I will rescue a chihuahua and carry it around. Ill do that one. Jimmy i will take selfies while driving. I will never eat gluten. I will never eat gluten. Jimmy i will get implants in my butt and injections in my face. [ cheers and applause ] i think youre going a little too far here. Jimmy finally, most importantly, i will do everything in my power to marry and eventually divorce a kardashian. [ cheers and applause ] he can have that one. Jimmy well, in any event, by the power vested in me by jaden and willow smith, i now pronounce you Los Angeles Chargers. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy Philip Rivers and joey bosa. A good show tonight, music from migos, katy mixon is here, be right back with vin diesel moto. Its time to reimagine the smart phone. Snap on a speaker. A projector. A camera that actually zooms. Get excited world. The moto z with motomods. Get 50 off on moto z droid. Looks like were still a man short. Not anymore. Gus the second most famous groundhog in pennsylvania. Lets hit the ice. Whoaaa take the shot buzzer that shot was one in a million. Sos this. All the money millionaire edition, new from the penns