It has the same edge to it, and all of those qualities, just a different cast. I think its not gonna be quite the same. What people have to remember, you know, when chevy left, we thought the shows gonna go downhill, and that was all over then belushi emerged, and after john you emerged. Yeah, and after john and i left, we figured you know, people figured, oh, its all over. Billy murray came out. After billy, eddie murphy came out. After eddie left, we had chris guest, joe piscopo, martin short who are they . [ laughter ] second city guys . Yeah, so you know, the its the new staff, and we have to support them. Yeah. Its americas serious guy here. Its amazing. Premiere sketch institution. Its the premiere institution for doing that type of scenes and the repertory has to grow. Lets talk about the film. What was the question i asked . I forgot. I dont remember. Freddyfreddy is going like this, which i assume means funny we have a as the guests normally want to do on this show, usually bring along a film clip to plug their endeavors. Did you bring one . Is the scene were gonna see in norway . Is it in morocco . Which one is it . This is a scene, i think training sequence. Is this training or exam . Training, training. Well, chevy and i in this movie play two guys who are buried in government service. Hes stuck in a stale cubicle over at the state department. Im in subsubbasement d25 at the pentagon where guys who have ambitions and dreams, who want to advance and were just stuck in bureaucracy, so we both walk in and write the examination, and we cheat on the exam and are for a horrible dirtbag intelligence mission. And here it is, the training sequence for all intelligence operatives. The clip is not as long as the setup, but here it is. This will verify your ability to stay afloat at high speeds. [ engine starting ] [ yelling ] air force passive strain response. You will not be required to exert yourself at all, only to survive aggravated body temperature measurement. Woah ow, ow, ow hot, hot, hot we will now determine your gforce threshold. Just relax, gentlemen. I guess we just sit here . [ whirring ] [ whirring intensifies ] [ applause ] want some coffee . Thats a good idea. You should do that line again. [ applause ] i dont think the audience i dont think they heard that last line. What was the last . Lets do the last line. Ready . Uhhuh. Want some coffee . Want some coffee . Thats a good idea. Yeah, sounds like a good idea. Lets go. So, its a thinking mans comedy. Yes, i can see. Funny, funny clips there. Yeah, it should bod it should be good. We had a lot of fun doing it. John landis directed it. He brought us trading places and blues brothers, and so its an a product film. Theres no question about it. Ive done em a, ive done em b. This is an a. [ applause ] you guys get the same amount of money for this, when you do a picture like this . Well, uh, i think whatd you get . I, uh, i took my pay in jumpsuits. Ii look, i we both are highly underrated. Highly underpaid. And were underpaid, yeah. Hows your baby . Six months old now . Now shes a year. Shes oh, no, shes not a year. Shes ten months. Mmhmm. Every ten months, she i go a year. You were telling me last time how bright she was at six months. That was shes amazing. Right now shes walking. Shes doing a modeling over at ford. [ laughing ] and she just finished a calculus course at the university of houston, texas. Shell be married next year to, uh, webster. [ laughter ] have you started looking around one of my writers, mike barry, has got a child, just put in kindergarten or preschool, and the child had to go audition or have a meeting to see if he or she could get into the school, because people want to get their children in early. Sometimes people before the kid is born now actually go to schools to see if their kid have you done this . Yeah, we have, actually. This is the technique, of course, in england. You know, eton and oxford, you register the child prebirth. Absolutely. What do you say . Take a look at this. Itd be a nice kid, huh . You have no children yet . Not as yet. I mean, as far as he knows. Maybe in the cards in a little while. Donna and i are, of course, very busy working on these thinking mans comedies. Of course. So, uh, but, you know, i think the gene structure is gonna hold up here. Well, we certainly hope so. The picture you referred to is spies spies like us. Espions commes nous in french. [ laughter ] nice to know. Well be right back. [ music ] [ applause ] all right. What a couch. Well, if you watch late night with David Letterman first the show, folks. Now the book. Yeah. He and Merrill Markoe put out a very funny book based and were gonna hold him responsible for it, too. Its gonna air tomorrow night at 11 30, called David Lettermans holiday film festival. Would you welcome David Letterman . [ cheers and applause ] [ music ] [ indistinct chatter ] thank you very much. Oh, its a magic night for amer sorry. Stick around, boys. Were not gonna pay the band. [ laughter ] by golly, what a thrilling night for all of us. Oh, yeah, did you have a nice thanksgiving . Very nice, thank you. How about you . Im stuffed. You know, its tradition at our house every year we have the roast swan. Its great. The i love to see the kids fight over the neck. Its fun. [ laughter ] now, uh thank you for coming on. Thank you very much our pleasure. Good to see you, dave. Thanks. Nice to see you, chevy. You gotta run . [ laughter ] now you mentioned the book. Yes, i did. Lets dont beat it to death. Let me see the book. I was originally this was gonna turn out to be a really nice thing. Oh, by the way, can you see this . Take a look at all that color. Ooh. This, actually, johnny, should be on your coffee table. Its that quality. You know what they did . They printed 40,000 copies of this thing, and there are three pages of pictures th stooge press put this out. Its a division of goofball publishing, and, uh you know, even the lowest publication gets captions with the pictures. Hustler magazine has captions, you know . Of course. Here the twins show how they make friends in prison. Yeah, thats good, okay. Um. So we dont let me see that. I want to look at it. No, itll come back to haunt us all. I was looking at that book this afternoon and it was very amusing. Well, yeah, theres some funny stuff, but i just dont want to talk about it. Anyway, they screwed up the first 40,000, and they they got some kind of deal. You get a rebate. I dont know, or somebody will come to your home and read it to you. I dont know. Is this and expensive tome if i wish to purchase this . Its like 8 bucks, 9 bucks. We like to think of it as another tale of two cities, johnny. Good, good. But i dont want to talk about the book. [ laughter ] ive seen into the future of transportation. Ive peeked into the 21st century. Oh . Thats right. Through the aviation miracle of the airbus. Thats right, the airbus. Now, this is a delightful airplane. It was designed and built by the french and the germans. Yes. And i think we all know what a loving and cooperative relationship those people have. Um. Its, uh, its called the airbus because one, it in fact looks like a bus. Yes. Two, it for sure smells like a bus. Now, hereheres the difference. The airbus is not quite as fast as a real bus. Does it have the strap handles, too . That kind of stuff, absolutely. Like, Ralph Kramden is flying in this thing. Is this a cheap oh, jesus, unbelievable, but its so slow. Like, if you fly on a regular plane, 747, new york to la. What, are we talking about, five and half . If youre late, maybe five 5 45 . Even six hours. The airbus, from new york to la, six hours and fortyfive minutes. Unbelievable, i mean, johnny, the whole trip, we were like this. Whats fu i dont know what it gets, but the motto of course for the airbus is of course, jet lags not a problem if you dont get there. [ laughter ] the wings. You can look out and the wings are flapping. Yeah, that kinda deal. Now, uh, youre saying to yourself, jeez, dave, this is fascinating, but who would fly the airbus . Yeah. And i looked around and my observation was they got a contract with the government for transfer of prisoners, one. That would do it. Cant afford trailways. And three, would be serial killers. Yeah, now so im sitting not a pleasant trip. No, im sitting next to the yammering psychopath, and the guy keeps dozing off on my shoulder, and he wakes up long enough to tell me that that very morning he had been released or paroled from prison. So im thinking, oh, boy. I can hardly wait. Seven hours on a plane with a guy who has a grudge against society. You know . [ laughter ] so now its dinnertime, and they bring around the airbus snack, and its like this. Its absolutely sealed, and you think, well, this will be nice. Like, i dont know, a day in the country. A little picnic. You pry it open with like a fire axe, and inside. [ laughter ] honest to god, they got like vanilla wafers and a container of hot mustard. Nice. Yeah, cause after all, it is the holidays. Thats right. So, now [ applause ] so in the middle of this now. If this had been a fishing trip, youd call the captain and say, oh, im sorry. Somebody put the chum in here with my lunch. Not a pleasant trip. Im not done yet. Oh, i see. You wanna give me a nod when you are . Um i feel like george burns. So, uh, the plane was designed for people who dont fly much. Right. And, in fact, for people who dont even know where the airport is. So they keep flashing this sign, lor you know, thats their way of saying, all right, we know the food is damn near inedible, but apparently it can be digested. [ laughter ] [ booing ] im getting close to booed there. Thats right. So you go into the lavatory, which, by the way, is sloped. The interior wall is sloped like the outside of the plane, so whatever you have to do in there is a hookshot. [ laughter ] [ applause ] [ laughter ] so, uh so . So you bring back the lid on the toilet, and theres a sign that says do not place metal or glass objects in the toilet. Yeah. Which always ruins the trip for me. I like to go up there [ laughter ] ill wash a load of dishes if i can. [ laughter ] [ indistinct chatter ] its a true story. Does that about wrap up the airbus . Were done with the airbus. Were done with the airbus. Now, look, lets do now, we have we havent talked about this highly advertised special of yours tonight. You know, i just wanted to take a few minutes here, john, to talk about nbc. [ laughter ] first of all, this slogan. Originally it was be there. Nbc be there. Okay, they bring in a guy, the head of promotion here at nbc, paid him at least a half a million dollars. Thats the truth. He and another guy. He was making about a half a million. He decides to change because hes thinking maybe theres some people in montana who are saying to themselves, when they see this promotion come on nbc, theyre saying, hmm, jeez, id like to watch, but are we included . [ laughter ] so lets all be there. No, nbc is looking for a very exclusive group of viewers. Not everyone is eligible. [ laughter ] so this guy changes it to lets all be there. The slogan really ought to be, you know in the old days when nbc wasnt doing that great, it was nbc were easy to spell. And i thought that was good. So that, now watch out, pbs. Were coming after you. Thats right. So what are we doing here . You better plug this special. Oh, i gotta get to the special. Yeah. Heres the deal. Six weeks ago, nbc comes up to me, they say, don, are you still with the network . I say, yes, i am. [ laughter ] and they said, we have we have an opening for a show november 30, 11 30. Would you like to do it . We did a show. We got a lotta people to make movies, and theyre gonna come and show their movies. It turned out pretty nicely. We shall return in just a moment. [ music ] all right, before we say goodnight, all you people in montana also are invited. Yeah, everybodys included, sure. That is tomorrow night. 11 30. Uh, bette midler, harry shearer, michael keaton, andrea martin. Lets all be there. They all made films and theyll be on the show. I hear its great stuff. Yeah, it turned out pretty nicely. Tomorrow. All right, thank you, chevy, dan, and barry. Thanks for being with us. Good night. Attention are you eligible for medicare . 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Because ive had enough humiliation to last me a lifetime, good the cupidgram. Helen and lynch, theyre getting married. What . I think i said that pretty clearly. Listen helen, i just want to say congratulations again. You know, im sure that you and davis will be really happy. Yep, we are. Oh come on, joey, talk to me. Yow audience laughter whistling [joe] morning. D with helen last night and all you can say is, morning . Those are for helen. Is that a heart . Are you making heartshaped pancakes . Theyre her favorite. Joe, i want you to wipe that inane grin off your face. Tell me, how you and helen ended up in bed together. You broke my heart. Look, i dont know how it happened. She was on her way to new york, she stopped by here last night on the way to the airport i meant the travel iron. Oh, all right. Go on, go on. Well, you know, theres not much more to say. You know, we wished each other luck, gave each other a kiss goodbye and fell into bed like dogs. audience laughter boy, huh . You and helen . All these years, you two guys parading around as friends, this hot steaming passion raging underneath the surface. Smoldering, sexual tinderbox just waiting for a spark slept alone again last night, huh . Oh yeah. Good. Brian, dont give up on alex. You know, theres still a chance it could work out. Im not really worried, ive actually come up with a great plan to get her back. Every time she goes out for the morning paper, ill be there. Every time she goes out to lunch, ill be there. Every time she pulls the shades down at night, ill be there. And every time you come up for parole, ill be there. Look man, let me give you just a little bit of advice. I dont know no, trust me on this one. Look, last night, helen was this close to marrying lynch. This morning, she is eating at joes. You know why . Because i played it cool. Bye joe, thanks for the travel iron. Hey helen, where are you going . New york, to see davis. Why . Hes my fiance. Helen, wait. Joe . Undies. audience laughter okay, breakfast is here. What took you so long . About time. I ordered the muffin. They were out, so instead i got you a bear claw. I ordered the scrambled eggs. They were out, so instead i got you a bear claw. Mines easy, i ordered the bear claw. Fay got the last one, so i got you toast. audience laughter she goes off to new york, marries a rich guy in a penthouse, we gotta scrounge for our breakfast every morning. Oh, well i think its wonderful that helens finally getting married. And i bet theres going to be a really fancy society wedding. I cant wait to go. Yeah, me neither. Ive got to get my tux back from my cousin giacomo. Oh, i forgot, he buried his father in it. audience laughter maybe i could better just rent a new one. What makes you think shes gonna want you two there . Why wouldnt she . Oh, youre gonna have a lot in common with her rich friends. Mr. Gold card, meet mr. Green card. audience laughter of course well be invited, wont we . Oh absolutely, were her friends. A friends from work table, isnt there . audience laughter oh yeah, theyll have us hidden in some dark corner where everyone kicks our chairs on the way to the can. Thats right, thats right. And the only time helen will talk to me is when she needs someone to dance with her fat aunt rose. I never get the hot cousin, you know. Its always me and the 300 pound woman in support hose doing the hokeypokey. Well, it didnt take very long for money to turn her pretty little head. Listen, im telling you right now, your fat aunt dance alone. You bet, bye. Chapel, what are you still doing here . I thought you left last night. Oh well, you know it was the funniest story. Get this, i didnt. Roy, whens your next flight to new york . Well, its the funniest story. Get this, its sold out. [helen] bump somebody. Maybe i could bump somebody. This engagement really agrees with you, ally not glowing. Theres absolutely no reason to glow. You know, chapel, shes right. You look kind of flushed. No, no, im really not. Helen, you know, you look please dont say im glowing. No, you look like you just did sex. audience laughter chuckles no, im just glowing. But since youre here i can give it to you now. I made a little engagement present for you. And i did a little crossstitching last night. Helen and davis forever. chuckling forever. Thanks lowell, ill treasure it always. Now lowell, i think thats just amazing. How did you ever do that in one night . Well, i have to admit i didnt do it by myself. Roy, wheres the ticket already . Its coming, it coming. Just like the rich, everythings got to be now, now, now. audience laughter well, well, if it isnt the blushing bride herself. You know, if one more person says that im blushing or that im glowing, im gonna kick them right in the reverend sanders, hello how are you . Fine, i was so happy to hear youre getting married. You know, id be honored if youd let me perform the ceremony. Fat chance, shes probably booked billy graham. audience laughter after all, ive known you ever since you were a little girl. I can still see you sitting in church in your pretty white dress, bible clutched in your little hands. The very picture of innocence. Thats really sweet of you. Im going straight to hell. Helen, dont leave,