. . Hello there [ cheering ] Dennis Dennis hopper is here tonight. And a lot of people thought that dennis would kinda, just, uh, burn out and fade away. But, in truth, he is one of the busiest actors in town. And he seems to go from one critically acclaimed role to another. Would you welcome please dennis hopper. [ cheering ] . . Yeah, good to see you. Thank you, thank you. Had a chance to talk. Im a great admirer of yours. You did a thing it was just on a week ago called double crossed, where you played barry seal, who, at one time was a drug runner, in and out of countries. And then turned informant for the government, right . Yeah. Fascinating role. All based on it was a true story, yeah. Yeah, he was an amazing man. Its a much more complicated story than you could obviously tell on television. But, it was great. It was fun doing it. Yeah. I was in more airplanes, yeah. I really had a good time. There were planes that i was in that should never, never fly. [ laughter ] they had no instrument panels. But we took them up. It was fun. And another thing you did, a year ago. A thing called, uh, with barbara hershey, called paris trout, right . Paris trout, yeah. [ cheering ] yeah, see . [ applause ] at least i got nominated. Im up for an emmy. You always you like those kind of offbeat roles a little bit, right . Like em . I get em, you know. [ laughter ] now, lemme read you a quote. Wa in blue velvet [ cheering ] you played a fella by the name of frank booth, who was murderer, a maimer, drug dealer, beerguzzling psychopath sadist, who tortures and humiliates a Night Club Singer for his sexual pleasure. The story was that you called up director david lynch and said i am frank. [ laughter ] and id stopped drinking and taking drugs at the time. [ laughter ] which is really weird. Yeah, i, uh, i dont know how to explain that. I, uh, i loved that part. I dont know how to right. I dont know how to get out of that one. Youve had kind of a [ laughter ] you had kind of a we dont know each other well. But youve had kind of a crazy, up and down career, in a way. Yeah, its been really insane. Ill tell you something, though. I saw you give a speech one night, thats one of the most memorable things ive ever witnessed. What was that . Of anybody. It was at wasser i cant remember if it was wassermans 50th lou wasserman, 50 years at mca. At mca. Yeah. That was amazing. Youre kidding. I mean, you just blew me apart with that. Well, i was just out doing some jokes and stuff like that. Oh, boy, no, it was great. Yeah. It was a great speech. Well, we gotta get together more often. [ laughter ] were you there, that night . No. No. Well, thats very nice of you. I came over to thank you. And you were very shy. Yeah. And sort of couldnt accept the thanks. And george burns was sitting at your table. Thats right. And i went over to george burns and i said i wanna tell you how i admire you. And ive never met you. And so on. And he said kid, are you are you in the business . And i said, yeah, i am. He said, are you gonna stay in the business . And i said yes, sir, i think so. And he said me, too. [ laughter ] he was only 94 at the time or 93. Yeah, it was great, just great. Howd you get into acting . Uh, well, i was a farm boy from kansas. And i wanted to know where the trains were going. [ laughter ] you just got the hell outta just decided to leave the midwest . Yeah, it was i was in the dust bowl. The same periodyo yes. You were around there. Yeah. And movies was a great light in a dark theater. And that was my first real contact with the outside. Did you ever have any formal training . Anybody in the family at all in the entertainment business . No family, no. But i later studied with strasburg in new york. And he was a great teacher. And i was very fortunate. I started acting at the Old Globe Theater in san diego. Yeah. [ cheering ] and doing shakespeare there. When i was 18. Did Rebel Without a cause and giant. Yeah. With james dean, then he died. Then i went to new york and studied for five years with strasburg. Thats with the socalled method acting . Yeah, method, i guess. I think a lot of people have a misconception of that. Im not sure exactly well, method is just a way of working, you know. Yeah. And you use it, if you get in trouble. Strasburg taught through the senses. The smell, seeing, taste, touch, hearing. Right. And if you can use those, that controls your brain. In otherds it goes up here and says youre being burnt here. Right. And so on. But by doing sense memories, we can then do emotional memories. Right recalling. Recalling an emotion. Yeah, george burns, i remember, one night, when he i think he had just done oh, god or something. Talk about acting. Yeah. And burns said, its quite easy. He said, if youre out in the hall and you knock on the door, and somebody says come in. and you dont go in, youre a bad actor. [ laughter ] there you go. You respond to rather than waiting for your next line, right . Absolutely. Now, you did when was easy rider . 69 . Easy rider was yeah, we shot it in 67, edited it in 68, it came out in 69. Now, thats when you gave Jack Nicholson that was the first thing that brought Jack Nicholson to really to prominence, wasnt it . Yeah. That first role. Yeah. Does he ever thank you for that . Well, he takes me to the laker games and [ laughter ] which i i wanna stay with that, you know . I havent worked with him since, but jacks great. Yeah. Jacks a terrific guy. And hes a wonderful man, whos having another baby thats what i read the other day. Good for him. Yeah, hes a good guy. Yeah. Now, this you took this picture, right . Yeah, thats sean. Yeah. [ laughter ] sean penn. Yeah. Now, a lot of people will say how did you get him to pose for a picture . Because his reputation with people who take photographs is not exactly, you know, a quiet one. Good picture, though. This is interview. Its coming out this month. Right. And they yeah, well, Julian Schabel is an artist, and he did the article. I have my own photographer. And then julian called me and said, you directed him in colors right. You ask him if i can take his picture. I said, julian, he really has a problem having his picture taken, you know . He beats people up when they take his picture. He said, yeah, but if you ask him, and you take his picture, he cant deny you. So i called sean up and i said, sean, you know. He said, well, youre the one guy that ill let take my picture. So, there it is. Yeah. Hes a great guy sean penn. In fact, hes gonna be with us in september. In september. Hes directed a movie that is the best first film ive ever seen. Right. And ill throw easy rider into that, too. Really . Which is my film. Sean has directed a film called indian runner, and it is sensational. Good. I have one little scene in it. Charles bronson has a couple little scenes in it. But sean has directed this movie. And its really wonderful. Hes an intense man, isnt he . Its wonderful. And he did it in omaha. Is that right . Nebraska and youre from omaha. You betcha. I used to work in omaha. Yeah. Hes intense i could see where you two would get along well together. Hes a good guy. Lemme take a break. Well be right back. . . Okay. [ cheering ] if youre gonna be in Colorado Springs august 16th and 17th, you oughta drop in and catch rich hall. Hes a very funny guy. Would you welomce rich hall. Rich . [ cheering ] . . [ cheering ] good havin a good time . Yeah are you havin fun . Yeah how do ya know . [ laughter ] how do ya know how much fun youre having . Thats you know, they never ever came up with an accurate measurement for fun, did they . No. Barrel of monkeys thats actually the closest theyve ever come to measuring fun, you know. You saw the monkeys out here. They were fun. If theyd have wheeled them out in a barrel, though, bouncing off the walls. But, apparently they have made a big breakthrough recently in the measurement of fun. See that . Theres a snickers bar. Whats it say . Fun size. Fun size [ laughter ] a lot smaller than we thought it was gonna be, isnt it . [ laughter ] really expecting a big blimpsized thing to come down. But thats the size of fun, right there. Thats it. If you have one at home, you may want to examine it. This is the size of fun. I guess a regur sizesnickers is just unbridled ecstasy [ laughter ] i had one in that 8 snickeba thats just beyond description, isnt it . [ laughter ] thats a donkey ride to heaven, right there. But that is the size of fun. So have fun. Thats important. So, whats going on in richs world . Well, lets see. I was reading this usa article, a couple of days ago. Apparently we got a bill for the war. I dont know if you read this . 5 billion. How do they come up with that price . 5 billion. Like a lot of countries just sitting around a table going who ordered this . Is this [ laughter ] scud steak, patri salad, parade, parade, parade, parade, parade, parade, parade, parade, pade, wheres the sadam on a stick . We didnt even get that. Hey, wait a minute [ laughter ] wheres the main course . Waitress, come here theres no sadam on a stick here whats going on . So, you know, we have a lot of parades for this war. What was it 30 days, 7 months for parades. Not to be unpatriotic, but we beat iraq [ cheering ] yeah, kick a little mario brother up and down the desert for 30 days and we celebrate for six months. So, weve beaten grenada, panama, and iraq now. Yeah [ laughter ] unlv has a tougher schedule than that. [ cheering ] but, if it was only 5 billion, thats a bargain war, isnt it . Thats a cheap 5 billion ill give you an example. Shoulda dropped that on baghdad when we had the chance, huh . [ laughter ] boy, what a piece of crap, radio shack, clearance item that is, floating around in the sky up there. Just voom, voom all the mirrors dont work. Sorry. Of course the mirrors dont work. They hired General Motors to build it. [ laughter ] if General Motors could make a decent mirror, they wouldnt have to write objects may be closer than they appear. [ laughter ] [ applause ] we shot ourselves in the foot at this point inmerican manufacturing, i think the most honest product on the market is probably, uh, milk duds. Because, uh [ laughter ] you know, theyre willing to admit they screwed up, basically. Well, theyre duds. They didnt work out. [ laughter ] this snack confection program is a bust, you know. And sometimes you get those squiggly little duds that dont even work. You get faulty duds how bad can one person mess up . You cant even get a dud right is getting kinda cranky lately, arent they . Dont say this. Dont do that. Dont do this. No, no nude tabletop dancing. Dont do that. Dont burn the flag. Those people in taiwan worked very hard to make those flags. Dont burn them. Thank you very much. [ laughter ] so they passed this law about a month ago. Its now legal for police to board a Greyhound Bus to look for drug dealers. If youre a drug dealer who has to take greyhound. [ laughter ] [ applause ] its fine toit the executive skills needed to be a drug dealer. Theyre going after the hooterville to pixley get rid of there. I think. [ laughter ] a lot of weird laws in this country. Federal regulations, safety standards. I was looking through ralphs, the other day, which is a supermarket out here. And probably the worst name for a supermarket ever. Ralphs no matter how hungry you are. Ralphs [ laughter ] so, anyway, and theyre wearing hardhats, hter ]ow. [ la what could possibly happen in the Meat Department . What kind of industrial meat accidents are actually going on at ralphs . People are just choppin the meat gristle, duck [ laughter ] you see the size of that incoming porterhouse . I coulda been hurt to ride a motorcycle in california, you dont need a helmet. But apparently, to hdle a veal cutlet atphs, you need some kinda protection. [ applause ] that make no sense. You ever just wanderough a laundromat ke, y rh, thats the kinda losers we are. Were just like you. You know, they got that change machine there, you know. cause theres nothing else to do, you go look at angechachine for a while, you know. You look at that Bulletin Board for a while. Fill dirt, you know. But thats all there is to tha yo ohere, look at that change machin you put in a dollar, you get back a dollar in change. Nt you feel sorry for the guy o inveed that . 27 years, man. Im not makin one dime off this deal. [ laughter ] [ cheering ] . . You didnt read your Car Insurance policy. You just stuck it in a drawer somewhere and forgot about it. Until a dump truck hit your pickup truck whknows . Dntead it. You cat even find it. The Liberty Mutual app with coverage compass . Makes it easy to know what yourcovered for and what youre not. Call Liberty Mutual for a free quote today at coverage compass . Gives you the policy information you need at a glance. Available 24 7 on your mobile device. Switch to Liberty Mutual and you could save up to 509. Call thats liberty stands with you . . . Well, were back, folks. [ cheering ] well, im glad youre here tonight. Its fun. It finally ended up being a comedy show afterall. Yeah. A little late night, but you made it. [ laughter ] sharing a dressing room with a tir. I got, like, tapir hair all over me. You have moved from los angeles. You used to be a citizen. Oh, yeah, i moved out. I was, uh i lost my license for a while, cause i got some speeding tickets. You dont wanna take the rtd bus around hfolo little headstickinout the window. On the outside of the bud just like a little pimple on rick ds head, there, you know. So thats embarrassing enough. [ laughter ] get your drivers licenseave to renewed yeah. Do you have to go tv . O the yeah. Ou have to stand yes. cause i didnt see anybody there. You know, youd think in the human to celebrity ratio in this town, youd see at least somebody there at the dmv. David hasselhoff or something. Theyre kinda nice they kinda sneak you David Hasselhoff . Theres like 4,000 people down there. 18 hours of line snding, theres rgo planes going overhead, dropping leaflets of information to these, like, people from continents that havent even been formed yet, are standing in line [ laughter ] no move here, go there. Stand over there. Someuy with aquarium gravel i have aquarium gravel. I have to have my license no, thats aquarium gravel. You need the papers. I have aquarium gravel. The sign says aquarium gravel. No, thats the eye chart. I dont know what it says in y [ laughter ] that picture. [ laughter ] just that picture, cause, you know everybody looks that way. Yeah, well, theyre takin your picture, you know. And theyre asking you questions like, hey, you wanna give us all your organs during a grizzly accidt . [ laughter ] its your donor card. Yeah. Yeah. Here i am, ging away my organs to science. Preserved for posterity. Its good to see you again. Well, thanks its nice tou on the on the comedy channel. The comedy channel. I its a lotf fun. Good toee you again. And i thank you foming. Thank you. Dennis, thanks for being here tonight. Thank you, sir. I hope you come back. Thank you. Well see you tomorrow. [ cheering ] . . Hey, lowell. How come you guys always call me lowell . Thats your name. Owbut all the guys that i hang out with have these really cool nicknames. Maybe you can help me come up with one. What kind of ne do you want . Well, a nickname should emphasize your greatest qualitie ea, thats what scab oneill told me. Well give it some thought, lowell. Hey, my plane needs refueling. Hop to it, slackass. Hey. Slackass. I like the ring of that. Lambert at 11 00. Youre looking really nice today. Guys. Sure, she pretends to be aloof but did you get that little tingle of frustrated sexual desire . Yeah, coming from you. I know, damn it. I just wish there was some way to get to th wom if only i had the key. The key . The clue, the key, the secret words. Whatever it takes. An idea. Got an idea. Oh ooh, ooh ooh. Ow. Whats your problem . Ah, well, cold weather brings on this horrific pain in my shoulders. Its an old football injury. I just wish there was some way to relieve it. You know, a back rub or massage or Something Like that. Alex try this. They grow up so fast. It seems like only yesterday i was pelting her with snowballs. It was erday. Which reminds me i saved one for you. That sort of thing is funny until someone loses an eye. Helen, who was that guy . Stan barlow. I met him this morning. Hes really cute, isnt he . You just met and youre goi out . Yeah, i decided to waive brian whats so special abouhim . . 9 well, if you must know hes handsome,es charming and. I dont know. Hes sensitive. Sensitivity. N have turned into such wimps. Helen, you want to freshen this cafe au lait, please . I was telling stan about how, when i was a little girl my kitten ran away and i put a saucer of milk out every night hoping he would return yoknow what i call guys like that . Chicks. You know, speaking of interesting pet stories did i ever tell yooue time i put an entire kitten in my mouth . Okay, ill ask. Why . You know that kids game in tirth my cousin put a hamster in hi mouth. I thought id go him one better. How could you do that . You just fold their little legs down like a card table and then you just. Oh, my god. Well, you asked. Let me get this straight. All stan did was cry and you agreed yes. To g h believe it or not seitivity in man is very atactive. Sensitivity. I should try that with alex. Youll end up looking stupid, laughable, and pathetic. Go for it. Grown men crying. Last time i cried, i was seven years old. My mom took me to see bambi. Boy, i remember the time i cried. My parents took me downtown to see ordinary peopl hey, ace. You wanted to see me about something . Oh, i just wanted to return that socket wrench i borrowed. Its over on the table underneath the calendar. This is a first a calendar in an airplane hangar that doesnt have naked bimbos on it. Oh, yeah. Oh, that. Right. Listen, dont tell anyone about that but i do have sort of a thing for kitties. Im more of a dog person. Actually, i am, too, but ive had a hard time ever since i lost ranger, my first puppy. Ran away when i was six. Every night for a whole year after that i would leave a saucer of. Meat out for him. Dont get me talking about that, as im likely to cry you cry . Well. Not in front of people. I guess i have this dumb guything about not showing how sensitive i am. Theres nothing wrong with showing your emotions. Its kind of hard not to when you get me talking about dogs. Ally . This is a side of you ive never seen before. Yeah. Oh, i prised mysf i wasnt going to do this, but. End . Nothing i cant cancel. Great. Could you wait here a second . Yeah, sure. wrench clicking okay, joe, time to go over the flight logs. Uh, no, it isnt. These are already overdue and i will not let this slide. I take great pride