would you say no to a lot more money? [excited scream] you just won a million dollars! no thanks. nice balloons, though! or no to more vacation days? janet, i'm giving you an extra week's vacation! what? no way. who says no to more? time warner cable's all about giving you more. like the most free hd channels and virtually unlimited movies and shows on demand, so you can binge all day. call now. and don't forget the free tv app. get ultra-fast internet with secure home wifi to connect all your devices. saving on mobile data fees, helps big time. switch to time warner cable. for $89.99 a month you'll get free hd channels, 100 meg internet and unlimited calling to switching is easy. get our exclusive 1-hour arrival window, a money-back guarantee with no contract to sign. plus get free installation, tv equiment and epix included. really? honest...no. lcano? do they have a dinosaur step on 'em? or do they beat 'em? with a club? - these and many other interesting questions will be answered any moment. - ooh! - mlor hurt? - ooh, ankle! - aw. - ooh! they're gonna feed us to a monster! - mac! hec! mac! - it's shag! - it's shag! what are you doing here? - bring animal skin. a beauty. slit pockets. - slit by spear. - hector, she's trying to show how we can escape! - dress like us, carry club, walk past clon. - thanks miss shag! - mrs. (audience laughs) - ankle feel alright now. - ankle look good to clon. rest of you look good too. - i hope it's not open season on whatever you are. (barks) - boy we're really out of uniform. come on, let's go. - uh oh, our haircuts. - our haircuts? what's the matter with our haircuts? - they'll recognize us in a minute, it's impossible. - oh yeah. hector you're a magician! - don't use that word! - alright, alright! - now watch it, i don't know how short they wear these things. uh-huh. - okay? alright, lets' go. - ready whenever you are, ringo. - clon guard. they no get away. - keep up good work. - what kind of a noise does a dinosaur make? - i don't know, but it sure doesn't go psst! - [breer] psst! is breer! you's gotta go your side of hill now. - yeah we're going, and thanks breer and thank your family for us. - thank 'em for me, thank your mother and your father and your little sister... - hector! we have to get going. - but breer go too! into jungle. - i thought you did that yesterday. - no finish, must start over. - breer not afraid, been in jungle many times. - yeah? alone? - this is first time alone. but breer happy to go! breer prove he be man! - now wait a minute, wait a minute. come here. hector we've got to do something for that boy. - we could send 'em to a summer camp. or we could get a subscription to a nice sporting magazine. primitive cluster before we leave, we could save breer and a lot of other boys. - i know two boys in particular we can save. us! come on captain! - hector! look a five minute talk with gronk might save breer's life. - is that an order, captain? - yes, that's an order, lieutenant. - yes, sir! ow! (audience laughs) - breer! - my boy, my boy! who you! never see you before. - it's us. - yeah, mac. - hec. - ooh! ooh go quick, other side of hill! - no no we wanna talk to you first about the birthday party. - no listen to other custom! - shag listen! a birthday party is lot more fun than fighting those old dinosaurs. - sound good to shag! - why don't you try the new custom, gronky? - gronk! gronk only one man. whole tribe have old custom. - well invite them all to the party. - yeah we'll have fun and games and ice cream and balloons and... - mlor, breer, up up up up! - two evil spirit get away! you see? - gronk no see too! - clon outside cave. two evil spirit inside. then clon inside, two evil spirit outside. - maybe they go home. - other side of hill. - clon see two strange men near cave. - yes. one wear skin like that. - gronk help find. - good! - we help find evil spirits too! - yeah go that way... (deepens voice) you go that way, we'll go that way! (gasps) - boss! - i've been scalped! - clon say evil spirits! - no no no, not evil spirits. away! - no touch shag! - birthday party new custom. - old custom good for us. - not good for small boy. - they become big men. - sometime they become big meal! (audience laughs) - clon kill! - no, no kill. need them to make birthday party! - boss no want new custom! now, kill! - no kill! - send him to jungle? - yes, three moon from now. - shag call boss wife, tell her he not want to save son. - wait wait, wait! must tell wife? - try new custom? - put down bone. - [clon] now kill! - no kill, clon go! i say clon go, go! no call wife! (audience laughs) - why you stop clon from kill? - shag make trouble for boss with wife. then kill? - then kill! (clon screams) - who's here? - oh mr friendly, we better get the party rolling. - mrs shag, mrs shag! don't forget the birthday cake! - birthday cake? how can you make a birthday cake? they don't have any vanilla or flour or... - bring on birthday cake! what's it made out of? - meat! - it's a steak cake. - what do we do now? - oh now we're gonna light these little candles here. - glonk go get torch. - no no, that's alright we can use these. - yeah let him do it. (cavemen gasp) - gronk make fire magic! - just like evil spirit! - only small fire stick. boss want to try? boss afraid? gronk show how. (audience laughs) - boss no afraid! - hector we're off the hook. - yeah let's get back to that capsule while we're still ahead. - this is no time for long goodbyes. - come on. - hec, mac! must see presents! - presents? - remember, you tell mlor wrap up present? - oh yeah, wouldn't miss any of that for the world. - is here! - present? - something he not have. - good! - we find in jungle. - i don't believe it. - i don't believe it! - i don't believe it, i don't believe it. - i believe it. - i believe it. - no wait a minute! wait a minute, wait a minute! the whole door! - wait a minute! ? about two men in the strangest place ? it's about time, it's about flight ? traveling faster than the speed of light ? here is their tale of the brave crew ? as through the barrier of time, they flew ? past the fighting minutemen ? past a roman warrior ? to this ancient site ? it's about caves, cavemen too ? about a time when the earth was new ? wait'll they see what is in sight ? is it good luck or is good night ? it's about two astronauts ? and her prehistoric mate ? and now, it's about time, it's about time, it's about time ? it's about time ? (jaunty music) (spaceship equipment whirring) - all systems go? - all systems go. - all right, hector, this is it. this is the moment we've been waiting for! - captain, please pull the switch! - (sighs) if everything goes well on this test, we'll blast off for home tonight. - the suspense is killing me, come on! captain, please pull the switch! - here we go! - captain, don't pull the switch! - why, what's the matter? - well, i've gotta know if this thing's gonna work and if we are, i don't wanna know about it. - (sighs) hector, will you relax? we're only going to hover in mid-air for moment or two. now, stand by to test those rockets. - yes, sir, standing by to test the rockets. - five, four, three, two, one. (spaceship whirring) - it works! we're going up like a yo-yo, - you bet it does, hector, you bet it does! and with plenty of lifting power to spare. we've got it made! now we'll land and load on our return fuel supply, and in a couple of hours, 20th century, here we come! (hector laughs) (spaceship whirring) you really got this spaceship back in shape. when you get back, the lowest rank they dare to give you is "genius". - thank you, hector, but it's really only a makeshift job. we'd be grounded like dodo birds if anything went wrong now. (electric crackling) - [hector] captain! (explosion and hissing) - yes, hector? - i think something just went wrong now. - our solenoid transistor block! - it was our solenoid transistor block. can we fix it? are we goners? captain, can't you say something? - i will as soon as you pause for breath. the copper in the filament is a total loss. if we don't find something replace this, we'll never get this thing off the ground. - never? - never! - "copper", shad never hear of that. - gronk too. - well, it's sort of red-colored, like this. - look like dirt? - breer see rock with this color. - oh, come on, son, this is no time to kid around! we've got to-- oh, boss's necklace, the one he wears to show that he's chief of the tribe! - yeah! - breer right! necklace on boss, same color as this. - shine like this. - there's only one thing that looks like copper, shines like copper, and the same color as copper; that's copper. - oh, hector, you do have a keen analytical mind. - no, sir, just good, old american know-how! - well, maybe you know how we can get bull-headed boss to give us the copper in his necklace. - sure, should just walk right up to him, well, on the other hand, sir, you are the senior officer and you should have the honor of deciding what we should do. - thank you. i'm afraid there's only one way we can deal with a character like boss. - use club! - no, use reason. talk to him; the head. appeal to his good side. - good side of boss? ha! - good side of boss? ha, ha! - boss, we'd be glad to trade you something nice for it. (boss grunts angrily) it was just a thought. - bad thought! - bad, bad thought! - now, wait a minute, mr. boss. you better listen to me. - what you say? - what you say? - what i wanna say is bye-bye! (jaunty music) - hector, i'm trying to think! - i was just trying to help you. - if we can just get our hands on that necklace, we can melt down the copper, get our capsule fixed, and be on our way just like that. (snaps fingers sharply) - yeah, but if we ask boss about copper again, he's liable to bash our heads in, just like that. (snaps fingers weakly) - that's why there's only one thing left to do, hector. we have to take that necklace. - (gasps) take it? captain, that's stealing. - hector, when it's something that might save your life, (sparse jaunty music) - put this on your head. - hmm? - camouflage. - oh! - we'll blend into the background, we'll be harder to see. ought you were eucalyptus! are you sure that's boss's cave? (clon snoring loudly) that's boss's cave! how do we know that man with the over-anxious club will stay asleep? - good old american know-how. an effective, but primitive, anesthetic. (clon snoring loudly) wow, what a head! he put a bump in my club. - captain! - what? shhh! - i gotta sneeze! - now? you wouldn't dare! - but i got to! - no, i forbid you to sneeze. that's an order, lieutenant! - yes, sir. hey, it worked! - of course it did. (hector sneezes loudly) - clon? clon! - he woke up! we're through! - clon! boss say not come inside cave to sneeze. stay outside. (sleepy mumbling) - we have to get that necklace off him without waking him up. - (loudly) right! - shhh! - don't worry. - go get that necklace off. excuse me, mrs. boss. (boss's wife screams louder) - [captain] shhh, shhh! not so loud! - you're gonna wake him! (boss's wife screaming hysterically) (boss grumbles confusedly) - clon hear somebody sneeze. - prisoner, stand before boss. prisoner tried to steal sacred necklace! tried to steal sacred necklace, terrible crime! tried to steal sacred necklace, evil deed! tried to steal sacred necklace, not nice! - may i speak a word in our defense? - boss fair man, let stranger say word. speak! - well-- - stranger say word. now boss punish! - [shad] no! shad say, "not punish"! - not good punish when moon high. - moon not high! - not good punish when moon low. - moon not low! - when in middle? - enough talk! now, boss punish. fair trial over! everybody, go home. everybody go home! - shad must go home just because boss say so? - club say, "go home now". - wife shad? - yes, husband gronk? - we go home. - shad tell boss's wife about other woman. - what other woman? - if shad say "other woman", boss's wife believe other woman. - must punish prisoners? - must punish prisoners! - must tell wife bad story. (slow lethargic music) - yeah, some time, i'd like to catch him without his club. - what good would it do? he'd tear you apart with his bare hands. - yeah, some time, i'd like to catch him without his bare hands. (loud rubbing) mr. clon, what are you doing? - clon make club pretty. make club good for kill. - what a way to go. t. - hector, i'm afraid we've run out of luck. - strangers make much trouble for boss. shad tell wife of boss not true story about other woman. now, wife of boss nag, nag, nag! give boss cold mastodon soup till next moon come! boss not like cold mastodon soup. - oh, mr. boss, we didn't want your necklace so we could take over the village. per, the red stuff that it's made out of, as a reminder of our happy visit to your humble village. - oh? many moons ago, father of boss find cave. inside cave, father find red stuff to make sacred necklace. only boss know about red stuff in cave. - clon know too! clon forget. - would you tell us how to get there? if boss let prisoners go to cave, prisoners must go back to other side of hill, never return to village. - oh, we promise! we cross our hearts and hope to-- we promise, we promise. - prisoners free to go. find cave on far side of river with great rocks in front that point to sky and strange marks over cave. - thanks, boss. you'll never know how we appreciate this! - yeah, beneath that rough exterior, there lies a heart of pure copper. - boss not feel good in head, let prisoners go. - when prisoners get to cave, what they find inside? - red stuff? - red stuff and dinosaurs! - many, many dinosaur. that why cave called "dinosaur cave". - dinosaur eat prisoners in cave. - true! boss eat hot mastodon soup with wife. - true. boss very smart. - true. poor prisoners. - poor prisoners. since boss take away. shad afraid something terrible happened. - women always afraid. should be like gronk. gronk not afraid. - if gronk not afraid, why eat fingernail like starving water buffalo? - 'cause gronk hungry. - gronk good man. gronk afraid for poor mac and hec. - captain, i think the cave is this way. - no, it's not, it's over this way. - all right, which way is north? - well, it's this way-- no, it's thi-- uh, captain, which way is north? - come on. - great ball of fire in sky straight overhead. soon, prisoners reach dinosaur cave. - poor prisoners. (laughing maniacally) - clon, stop! not nice laugh when dinosaur eat prisoners. - clon sorry. (boss laughs evilly) (both laughing manically) (sparse jaunty music) - hector, hurry up! i think i found it. - oh, boss was right; the pointed rocks and the markings above the cave. - yeah, i hope he's right about the copper on the inside. - shad have feeling in heart mac and hec in big touble! - maybe all right now. they strong, brave men. maybe all right now. - gronk really think so? - no. - shad have feeling. look, here come clon! - maybe he know something. - clon not know anything. - then why shad run after him? ht! - oh, clon, you know what happened to mac and hec? - not know. - what shad tell you? clon not know anything. - ha, that what shad think. clon know something you not know, just not tell. ha, ha! - oh? what clon know shad not know? - not tell. oh! ha, clon not know anything! - no, no, clon know plenty, but boss not let tell. - ha! - ha! - no, no, not go. make promise not tell boss, then clon show you he know plenty. - well... - please make promise. - oh, all right. shad make promise. gronk make promise too. he know plenty. boss very wise man, send prisoners to cave on other side of river. - cave, what cave, where-- - that mean nothing. many cave other side river. - boss send to dinosaur cave. - that mean nothing too. many-- dinosaur cave? - dinosaur cave? place where dinosaurs always come? big joke on prisoners, huh? (laughs) - big joke! quick, gronk! must help mac, hec! - must? - must! - must? (shad grunting) - clon prove he know something. - hec-- hector, you look on that side of the cave, i'll look on this side. - yes, sir, captain. s, sir. i'll faint. - hector! - i mean, i'll start digging and i'll call you. - that's better. - and then i'll faint! - no, this way to cave. - no, no, ca-- cave this way. no, this way to cave. gronk know which way which! - all right, which way village? - village is-- - this way. - aw, that rotten mr. boss. i think he sent us on a wild goose chase. this looks like an ordinary cave to me. - well, hector, don't just stand there, keep looking! i mean, you never know when you're gonna, when you're gonna pick up a handful of dirt and it's gonna turn out to be co-- copper? copper! hector, hector! it's a vein of pure copper! - beautiful, red, mouth-watering, delicious copper! - hector, let's fill up these knapsacks. there's enough copper here to fix up three dozen spaceships! - oh, that nice mr. boss. i guess he wasn't pulling a trick on us after all. (both laughing) (t-rex stomping and roaring) - gronk, hurry! must get to cave, make sure dinosaur not eat mac and hec! - also make sure dinosaur not eat gronk and shad. - you all filled up? - yeah, i feel like santa claus. ho, ho, ho! (laughs) (t-rex roaring) - captain! i see something that can stop us! - what? - that! (t-rex roaring) (rumbling) (t-rex roaring) - shad hear dinosaur. - gronk hear dinosaur too. also hear another noise. - what else gronk hear? - knocking of knees. - gronk, come! - gronk go! gronk afraid-- - shhh! must be quiet! if dinosaur hear us, we be in danger! - if dinosaur hear us, we be in dinosaur! - gronk? gronk, take hand so not get lost from shad again. good, better that way. where gronk get-- who you? you not gronk! (screams) (gorilla growling and hooting) - must be near cave. what gronk and shad do when get there, sha-- shad? shad? where wife shad? - mac and hec must be in cave. only one way to save from dinosaur; start fire! - gronk make fire. (rocks striking against each other) (t-rex roaring) - those rocks aren't gong to keep him out forever. - well, captain, it's been nice knowing you. - you can call me hector. - hector, you're a good man. i just wish we could have met under more pleasant circumstances. - i can just picture my tombstone now: "born 1939, died 1 million b.c." - shad begin. - fire not ready. - too bad! shad ready. shad make it hot for him! (t-rex roaring agitatedly) - he sounds scared, listen to him yelp! - that was me! - oh, yeah, yeah. - captain, i wonder what's happening out there. - i don't know, but whatever it is, (raises voice) keep it up! (t-rex roaring agitatedly) - dinosaur give up soon, run out of fire! - run out of gronk! (t-rex crying) hec! you all right? you not hurt? oh! could use hot mastodon soup to put color back in face, but you all right! - yeah, well, we're fine, thanks to both of you! - shad, you're one of the great women of prehistoric times. how can we thank you? - is no way. gronk and shad not want thanks. - not so fast! - gronk, anything! - just name it! - take away rock... all we have to do is heat it in the electronic oven and make sure it's permanently fused. - right, one toasty transistor coming up. it better work! - boy, we sure were lucky we had this book on metallurgy along with us. copper was one of the metals that was most recently developed? - no kidding! what does that mean? - well, it means that in prehistoric times, like now, some copper wasn't stable enough to be safe at temperatures over... oh no, oh no! hector! hector! (small explosion) get out of there quick! don't put the copper in the electronic oven! it's gonna-- - captain, i'd like to report an interesting fact about that copper. (fingers snapping rhythmically) ? it's about time, it's about space ? they're creepy and they're kooky ? mysterious and spooky ? they're altogether ooky ? the addams family ? the house is a museum ? when people come to see 'em ? they really are a scream ? the addams family man: neat. sweet. petite. ? so get a witch's shawl on ? a broomstick you can crawl on ? we're gonna pay a call on oh, it's a lovely night. that looks wonderful, gomez. yeah, all it needs is a final touch. absolutely breathtaking. all right, lurch, let's have it. thank you. (gong resounding) no damage. beautiful. beautiful! querida, let's have a go at the tower. now, darling, that's lurch's room. lurch can use the playroom. we can both take turns with the wrecking ball. temperance, temperance. too much of a good thing... besides, i have all of these bills to get out. very well. thank you, lurch. well, now. let's see. (growling) thank you. darling, our phone bill has been unusually high this month. have you been making any calls? just to saudi arabia on that oil merger. i dialed four or five times before i got the right number. it's a bit expensive. oil merger? abigail adams and the rest of those boston one-d adamses are trying to block the deal. in fact, they're trying to go to court to have me removed as executor to the family fortunes. abigail's always fancied herself as the head of the addams family. besides, she thinks i'm some kind of a nut. you? impossible. she even tried to prove it in court once before. good thing the judge fell asleep. darling, if dear abigail is as smart as she thinks she is, she'll drop this case. after all, the family fortune couldn't be in better hands. it? never has the family been able to declare larger tax losses. there, that proves your financial genius. bravo, mon cher. tish, you just parlez vous. hey! somebody say something about abigail adams dropping the case? well, it sure don't look like it. she's here in town. she is? yeah. "it is assumed she will mix business with pleasure "by visiting her grandchildren." i didn't know she had grandchildren in this town. well, whosever grandmother she is, thank goodness she's not our little pugsley and wednesday's grandmother. actually, she's only a cousin by marriage. still, i do think we ought to pay our respects and invite her over. our worst enemy? i'm gonna faint! (thudding) quick! water. thank you, thing. what's the matter with fester? he heard abigail adams was in town. i guess the shock was too much for him. better try my remedy. it always ends his spells. oh! that felt good. do it again. i want to find out what this is all about. morticia, gomez just told you. abigail is out to get him. she has been shooting dirty pool. she has? well, then, she's not welcome in this house. hold it. that abigail probably has got spies all over the place. we better look around. can't be too careful. the walls have ears. (in singsong manner) wednesday's in love, wednesday's in love! wednesday's in love! now, you stop that, pugsley. it's not nice to tease your sister, darling. besides, she's been taking judo lessons. (bones crunching) see what i mean? yes, sir. by the way, has there been any phone calls for me? she means robespierre courtney. she's even doing her hair different for him. ash. wednesday, you didn't. shocking waste of electricity. we could have recharged uncle fester 10 times with all that power. i'm sorry, father, but you don't measure love with dollars. that's a woman for you. that's love. i'm afraid it's unrequited. poor little wednesday's so upset. oh, dear. i'm sorry to hear that child's so unhappy. mama... we can't think of our own selfish pleasures now. we must think of wednesday. you're right, morticia. the alligator can wait. now, we must get wednesday together with... mrs. courtney: robespierre. we've just got to get you together with wednesday addams. but you said you didn't want me to have anything to do with those kooks. it just so happens that abigail quincy adams is one of the most socially prominent women in america. is that what you meant by riffraff? mother was just trying to have her little joke. you want mother to be the president of her club, don't you? why don't you spell it out for the kid? your mother wants you to wangle us an invitation to the addams family. then she can say she had tea with abigail quincy adams and we can get our name in the society column. that makes us a perfect pair. (phone ringing) hello? yes, this is mrs. courtney. morticia addams? tea? yes, we'd be delighted. oh, of course i'll bring robespierre. and how is dear grandmother? splendid. we're going to have tea with the addams family! hurray for our side. isn't that nice? she especially asked about you, mama. i always was the popular one in the family. you know, i do think i'd better have a talk with wednesday. you know, woman to woman. i can give her a few helpful hints. querida, you are to romance what mama is to dignity and charm. g. oh, that dress does do things for you. black is such a happy color. now, remember, my dear, in all your relationships with boys, you must be shy and modest. yes, mother. poise and good manners are important, too. for instance, when robespierre comes, i think it would be proper for you to curtsy. in this dress? i see what you mean. let's forget about the curtsy. now, what are you going to talk about? my spiders. that's marvelous. if the spiders don't get him, and being shy and modest doesn't get him, use the trap. good hunting. very becoming. i like the style. still, dressing isn't everything when it comes to pleasing a young man. a young lady has to know all the latest steps. so, thing, if you don't mind... u've got it! but, just in case the dance doesn't work, try this. hmm. very nice. very nice. but there's just one thing that boys can't resist. a nice long face. beautiful. but just in case that doesn't work... good. good. but you know what attracts a man most? money? no. hair, a woman's hair. see? perfect. but just in case the hair doesn't work... what's that? love dust. what advice do you have for me, lurch? (groaning) john, we're giving you a raise. that's fantastic! but i'm gonna pass. are you ok? honey, you got another present. no thank you, dad. who says no to more? time warner cable internet gives you more of what you and those little data hoggers want. megs. that's 50x faster than dsl. this internet speed is sick. get 50 meg internet starting at $39.99 a month. call now. and with home wifi, the whole family can be online at once. g reat for kids to stream scary shows while not cleaning their room. you'll also get our exclusive 1-hour arrival window, a money-back guarantee, and there's no contract to sign. get 50 meg internet with no data cap over 500,000 twc wifi? hotspots nationwide. would rex pass up more beef stew? i don't think so. say yes to more. call now. nothing like a bit of cricket to while away an hour or two. darling, are you sure this is the way it's played? i can hit the ball with my eyes shut. serve it up. yes, dear. oh, darling, i'm so sorry. nothing at all. i did make contact. (foghorn sounding) that must be the courtneys. let lurch get them. once more, my dear. the courtneys. gomez addams here. how do you do? and this is my lovely wife, morticia. how do you do? i guess you folks go in for pop art. or something. so, this is wednesday's little friend... robespierre. i'll call wednesday. wednesday, darling? come along, dear, and say hello to your little friend. wednesday, what was that? love dust. children today. so precocious. would you children like to go out and play in the cave? no. in the swamp? no. did you say cave? it's not much, but room enough to romp. wednesday, darling, why don't you and robespierre go and play with the trains? would you like that, robespierre? well, all right. spirited little fellow you have there. please, come in. i suppose you'd like to meet the rest of the family? after all, a child is a product of its environment. will you excuse us? oh, cousin itt! your cousin? he's up in the fireplace? loves privacy. itt, are you there? he's there, all right. itt, please, come down. there are some people here we want you to meet. (itt chattering) mr. and mrs. courtney, this is our cousin itt. cousin what? not what, itt. morticia, i can't get this thing tight enough. dear, you're so helpless. this is the only thing that cures his headaches. (creaking) fester, these are robespierre's parents. oh, hi. who's robespierre? he's the little tyke wednesday's set her cap for. oh. when's the wedding? this is just a social call. we've always admired abigail adams. all: abigail! (screams) (itt chattering) excuse us. honey, do you know a good divorce lawyer? henry, rich people are all eccentric. nobody is that rich. he has the face of thrush. and did you see all those pens in his pocket? microphones. are you sure? have i ever been wrong? now don't answer that. now, itt, you keep an eye out... well, you just stand guard. come on. watch. look, why don't we just say hello to abigail adams and get out of here? fester: well... what's your hurry? hey! yeah. be more interesting especially if they had ink in them. oh, you... you... oh, dear. don't worry. we'll do something about the dress. but you must admit, it does look better in a darker shade. gomez: now, go on, then. which one has the microphone? microphone? uncanny? excuse us. eleanor, i want to be fair about this. you may have custody of robespierre. what if abigail calls all those witnesses t again? dear, that could be dangerous. cara, was stonewall addams afraid? when he led his troops into battle? when he flunked his physical. i have it. i shall win our friends over with a demonstration of the gomez addams financial wizardry. then can i shoot them in the back? there will be no violence. count me out. itt, i'll play you a game of solitaire in the chimney. come on. come, dear. querida, maybe we should let fester take a shot. he hasn't got very good aim. your way is the honorable way. courtney, how would you like to become rich? we only came here to meet... nonsense, mr. courtney. it's really quite painless. and besides, it's the least we can do after ruining mrs. courtney's dress. old man, you're buying yourself 10,000 shares of consolidated lint. 10,000? yes, i have a private line to my broker. blooker... now, wait a minute. i can't afford 10,000 shares of anything. no problem. we'll just have them pick up 1,000 for you. my husband is so understanding. i'm getting out of this booby trap. robespierre! blooker, cancel that order. my, but your husband's a jumpy one. mr. courtney: robespierre. oh, mr. courtney, i'm so glad you decided to stay. h, put mr. courtney in the good chair. (groaning) blooker, buy 1,000 shares of consolidated lint and charge it to henry courtney. c-o-u-r-t-n-e-y. courtney. well, i'll give you all the details in the morning. yes, i'll hold on. please... congratulations, old man, you're on the road to success. i don't want 1,000 shares of consolidated lint. now, now, mr. courtney. a deal's a deal. let's see how you're doing. ah! just as i thought. consolidated lint, 86 and a half. 87. 87 and three-quarters. 82. 82? 72. sell, please sell. sell. too late. 62 and an eighth. excuse me, please. darling. (whispers) i'm not too sure, but i don't think mr. courtney is very happy in consolidated lint. well, we can certainly take care of that. i'll swing him into national dust. blooker, sell courtney's consolidated lint. and pick up 1,000 shares of national dust. please, you can thank me some other time. good show, blooker. hurry, darling. let's see what it's doing. did it go up? by george, it's up eight and a half points. national dust? consolidated lint. back to 70. what about national dust? down three. bad business, shifting horses in mid-stream. i'm sure dear abigail knows that as well as anyone. consolidated lint. up to 75. up to 80. and national dust? holding steadily at 54. if you make me stick to this deal, i'll be broke, bankrupt, penniless. nonsense, old man. if you're a bit short, i'll take the deal off your hands. oh, thank you. you're all even again. thank you. ever make a better deal than that? oh, no, never. never. thank you, mr. addams. easy come, easy go. and now if we could just meet old mrs. adams. as soon as she's finished wrestling the alligator. wrestling the alligator? (door opens) ah, here she is. well, i finally beat that darn alligator. u. she certainly photographs differently. do you really wrestle alligators? oh, just once in a while. she actually prefers kangaroos. this is abigail quincy adams? certainly not. i wouldn't have that woman in this house. robespierre! i'll have lurch get your hat. the bell's out of order. well, think nothing of it. (gong resounding) you rang? the gentleman's hat, please, lurch. robespierre! did you call me, mother? what have they done to you? blow up the train, and then she wanted to put me in the guillotine just because my name is robespierre. my husband is going to write a letter to the papers about this. how can i? all my pens are broken. let's get out of here. what's the matter with them? soreheads. oh, poor wednesday's going to be broken-hearted. , darling, i'm afraid you're going to have to forget about robespierre. forget? i've already forgotten. he wouldn't even play with pugsley's octopus. that just proves it. he's not our type. poor boy. but as you yourself say, darling, children are products of their environment. morticia! you called? cara mia! pugsley and i are ready. ah, good. you're so thorough, gomez. so efficient, so precise. an two ways to beautify america. i like the swinging ball, but this may do the job better and faster. you ready, pugsley? ready, sir. to improve the american landscape. back to nature. beautiful, gomez. beautiful! i'll have to speak to that newsboy. i've told him we wanted the paper delivered through the back window. cara mia, look. "abigail adams returning to boston. "drops plans for fight over addams family fortune control." (fingers snapping rhythmically) ? they're creepy and they're kooky ? mysterious and spooky ? they're altogether ooky ? the addams family ? the house is a museum ? when people come to see 'em ? they really are a scream ? the addams family man: neat. sweet. petite. ? so get a witch's shawl on ? a broomstick you can crawl on ? we're gonna pay a call on