An ambulance if you dont pipe down audience laughing [jim] how about you writing out the rough draft after all youre the one who is going to school, not me daddy, watch how far i can go without missing. Mother, mother. kathy keeps singing the rhyme over bud [bud] kathy dont you know its impolite to interrupt people when they are discussing . [margaret] kathy i told you, no ropejumping in the house. Yes, in comes the doctor. [margaret] kathy, did you hear me kathy and margaret drown each other out kathy, kathy your mother was talking to you, now take your rope outside. Ok, but i was hurting the house any. Fellow might as well be in jail audience laughing what has come over that child lately . She doesnt seem to hear anything we say to her no, and i can tell you why. Ive been meaning to discuss this with you, youre not raising that kid right. Oh . audience laughing well youve let her get away with murder. Now you just lost your grip on her. audience laughing i see. You have to be firm with kids like her. Of course i dont mean you have to beat her with a club, constantly. audience laughing you have to do it intelligently, of course. Intelligent, but firm. Well now tell me, you think you could do a better job with kathy then were doing . Who couldnt . audience laughing well, ill wish youll take over then. [bud] well i would but im too busy. Besides, its the basic job of the maternal head of the tribe to look if youre just going to weasel out of this job, you might as well leave it up to us. And worry about your own problems. That paper on dictators for example, which ill be happy to look over after youve written it. Well, ok. But according to abnormal psychology, a father should help train his son by showing him how to do things. But. audience laughing wow, what are we raising . A oneman parents clinic . jim laughs you know its sort of a shame, we have to spend our whole adult life desperately trying to learn half as much as we knew when we were 16. door opening kathy emulates machine gun fire audience laughing [bud] ok, sergeant yard knock it off, disarm. [kathy] huh . [kathy] youre not my boss what may interest you to know ive been offered the job. [kathy] hah, thatll be the day kathy emulates machine gun fire audience laughing say dad, i just might take that job after all. Somebody has to. audience laughing well great, when do you start. Im serious. Good, hop to it, the job is all yours. Ok. audience laughing come on wait, im not so sure that this is a good idea. I have enough trouble with those two e one who has to put up with it. Youre at the office all day. Oh honey, how long do you think hell keep this up . If it lasts a whole half a day ill be surprised. Well youd be amazed how much trouble they can stir up in a, whole half a day. So last night i looked up hitler, mussolini, stalin and napoleon. But i didnt find out what made them become dictators. Were they just born mean . jim laughs could be in fact that was their first big mistake, being born. audience laughing over other people and they lose their balance, they get powerhappy. Hey wait a minute there kathy you didnt take your dishes to the sink. Ill get them later. Oh, oh, oh that child. jim chuckles you dont seem to be having much effect on your new charge, how come . I havent had time to work on her yet. I was busy all last night with schoolwork just give me time well now id rather youd leave her alone. Youll just stir up trouble. Leave her alone you say you see mom, thats your whole trouble. Youre too easy on her, but im going to change all that audience laughing getting back to mussolini dad. Betty can i wear your green bracelet to school . No, little girls shouldnt wear jewelry to school. Im not a little girl yes you are and besides every time you borrow something of mine you break it. If youll break one more thing of mine just one more thing, you are in trouble audience laughing audience laughing miss jensen, take a letter. Oh yes sir, mister sprout. To the amalgamator lumber company. Dear lumber company, please send me five pounds of wood. soft thump attentive trumpet based music oh, oh, shell pulverize me for this footsteps kathy mother wants you to come down here right now youll be late for school door closes well anyways, if you get any thoughts at the office about hitler or stalin, jot em down oh sure, i dont have anything else to do at the office. audience laughing [margaret] oh for goodness sake, whats kathy doing out there, running around with a shovel. Bud, go tell her to come in right this minute. You bet ill tell her. Ill go get the new plan started right now. [margaret] oh no wait, ill better do it. [bud] no, i can handle it. Just tell her to come in. Dont try and give your child psychology. door closes audience laughing carefree music door opening nd i want to have a little talk. What are you burying . [kathy] nothing, nothing, just a bird. audience laughing [bud] thats a strange looking bird. Wait this is bettys good pen, or it was. Man are you in trouble this was her prized possession. kathy shushes bud not so loud what did you use on it, a sledgehammer . Man, shell wring your little neck. kathy shushes bud i didnt mean to do it and now youre burying the evidence, huh . Oh please dont tell anyone i have to please, ill buy her a new one. With what . Just give me a chance and dont tell on me. Now look kathy if youll give me a chance, ill do anything you want me to, just name it no kathy, when you do something wrong. [kathy] ill do anything you say you got to face the consequences [kathy] ill do anything the way youve been acting lately, youre skating on real thin ice now that ive been given the job of disciplining you. Wait, do you mean that about doing anything i say . Oh yes yes, if you just give me a chance to get her a new pen and dont tell on me. Ok thats a deal, but from now on im your boss. Oh yes, yes and youre going to do all your chores and youre going to help mother whenever you can and oh i will i will i will oh youre the most wonderful. [bud] ok, ok, dont get sloppy on me audience laughing go on inside and get ready for school. Yes sir mischievous music plays audience laughing [kathy] oh hello mother dear, ill clear up the table for you. Oh youve already done it. Well then ill wash dishes. audience laughing [margaret] well, right now what i want you to do is well just finish getting ready for school. Oh yes i will mother. audience laughing what is it . [kathy] oh and daddy. If theres anything you want me to do after school like mowing the lawn, washing the car, id be glad to do it, and very cheap too. audience laughing what did bud do to her . What kind of system is he using . audience laughing see you tonight. [jim] uh, just a minute bud tell me, what kind of uh. Yes dad, what kind of what . audience laughing nothing ill see you tonight. Ok, so long mom. audience laughing so long. anticipating music im dying to know what his secret is when he gave me that superior air. audience laughing welcoming music oh mother have you seen my fountain pen. You know that real nice one that ralph gave me. Id just die if anything happened to that. No i havent when did you had it last . Well about three days ago. I remember i set it down here with some things one morning, and i went out, got a drink of water, i came back, picked the things up and i never saw it again after that. Oh i hope i didnt lose it on the way to school. Oh itll turn up somewhere. Oh, did you take my fountain pen pen, what pen . You know what pen, my very very best one. The blue and gold. Oh did you have a blue and gold pen . Of course i did. And if i find out that you did anything with it, do you know what is going to happen . I dont see why you always blame me for everything. Because youre always doing oh heres your slit, i hope i ironed it alright. audience laughing and if theres anything else you want me to do, just let me know. audience laughing whats with her anyway. How long is she going to keep up with how is he doing this anyway, i mean how does he control her . It cant be his compelling magnetic personality in decline, because he doesnt have one. Well whatever it is, i must say the results are quite amazing. And a little disconcerting. Downright gruesome id say. And on top of Everything Else shes a pretty lousy ironer. I really ought to do it over. audience laughing how much would you pay me to do the vacuumcleaning . Oh no, no youre working much too hard. Tomorrow you better go out and play with your friends instead of working all the time. Oh no, i like working better. And helping people. And earning money. audience laughing goofy trumpet based music kathy coughs oh thats fine kath old girl. Just put them in the closet. Yes sir. You know, im fairly proud of you. Youre doing very well. [kathy] thank you. Now youre acting like a proper young girl should. Developing good habits. [kathy] well i guess so. Being good, helping others. Well on the inside i guess i do. Sure you do. audience laughing how much uh. My pencil kathy . audience laughing how much money have you saved up so far . Not much, only about 90 cents. [bud] guess you got a long ways to go. Pen like bettys cost 10, 12 dollars, maybe more. Well gosh, i have to spend so much time doing good things, i havent had any time to earn money audience laughing now now now. You let up on me for a while . Or lend me some money . Nahah. Did i take the pen . Did i break it . Will it be my neck if betty finds out . Noooo. footsteps alright then. You got to remember im doing all of this for your own good. [jim] what is this . is kathy shining your shoes . Hi dad, yeah shes brushing them up a little bit. She does good work too, this is a very fine girl. audience laughing [jim] hmmm. You want your shoes shines daddy . Only costs 20 cents but i need the money. bud makes a hushing sound audience laughing [jim] oh you need the money huh . Well on Second Thought maybe i do need a shine. Bring your equipment into our room. Lets see. Thisll bring it up to a dollar and 10 cents but its still a long ways to go. Dont worry kid, youll make it. audience laughing sad music oh you dont have to take of your shoes. Well i just want to give you a tip on how to do this. Now you make nice long brush strokes like this, eh . You know, youve been pretty good lately. Thank you. jim chuckles how do you like bud for a boss . Just wonderful audience laughing or threatening you or oh no hes just helping me develop good habits. Like a proper girl should. audience laughing hmmm. audience laughing you said you needed money, just what do you need this money for . shoe shining strokes well i just want to save up for the future. audience laughing hmm . Well some day i might want to get married and ill need money for a wedding gown. And rice, those things add costs you know audience laughing jim laughs yes that rice runs pretty high. audience laughing well, heres your 20 cents. And because you did such a good job, heres a 10 cent tip. audience laughing oh thanks every little bit helps. Towards the rice i mean. audience laughing no, all i know is that shes trying to earn all she can. She says its to buy rice for her wedding. jim chuckles audience laughing well there is certainly something fishy about all of this. But one thing, they speak so lovingly of each other. And when those two do that you know that something is wrong. audience laughing what bothers me most is that shes becoming buds slave. Yeah. She irons his shirts for him, runs his errands. Even shines his shoes. Really . laughingly yeah. Oh, now that is going too far. We better do something about this. And we will, but not quite yet. M just curious enough to want to find out what buds secret power is. But how do we find that out . Well, keep a weather eye open. Our nose to the wind, our ear to the ground. laughingly boy are we going to look silly. audience laughing thats nine dollars. 25, 35, 40. Oh jee, nine dollars and 40 cents. Only 60 sweaty more cents. audience laughing [bud] kathy where are you kath . In here. Oh heres my little old pal. Hows the fountain pen fund stacking up . sighs pretty good. Well youll make you it because youre a good kid now. Good work habits, thrifty. And to think ive done all this for you in just a little over a week. Yes sir you are ok. Thanks. Oh by the way i have a date tonight, and my gray slacks pressed, huh . audience laughing thats alright. Oh and uh, when you finish with my shoes and slacks, you might straighten out my mumbling , i didnt have time to do it today. audience laughing ok. [bud] oh heya sis, hows everything . audience laughing kathy how much longer will you let him do this you . Do what to me . [betty] oh stop it. The next thing hell have you hobbling around here in chains and shackles. Why do you let him order you around . Hes an insufferable little creep. [kathy] softly yeah. audience laughing i mean no hes teaching me good work habits, thrift and stupidity. Hes brainwashing you, thats what hes doing. Now you listen to me kathy did you buy a new pen . Oh no this is one of fathers, its no good either. If i ever get my hands on whoever took my good one [bud] kathy come in here kath. Dont go but i have to. [betty] why . Because hes, hes. Hes your brother. Udience laughing [bud] oh kathy oh keep quiet. audience laughing [bud] where are you kath . shouting yes, yes, im coming. audience laughing finicky music you just wait. Some day loud thump some day daddy . [jim] huh . If it wash your car for only 60 cents, can i have the money now in advance . All i want now is the pay, 60 cents well why just 60 cents . You got a dollar for the same job yesterday. Because 60 cents is all i need to. All you need to what . To, uhm, to buy the rice audience laughing i see. Kathy, dont you think its time you told me, what you really want this money for . Well, its sort of a surprise. anticipating music drum based march music audience laughing audience laughing drum based march music audience laughing drum based march music door opens door slams shut [margaret] oh kathy you mustnt slam the door like that. You know better than that. [kathy] im sorry, wheres betty . [betty] you want me . Betty. This is for you, for me . Its my pen no, its a brand new one. Thats right, i just bought it. Broke the other one by accident. I was afraid to tell you. harmonizing music drum based march music is bud upstairs . [margaret] i think so. [jim] kathy, wait. hard thump did bud know anything about this fountain pen business . Dont worry about bud, ill take care of him. audience laughing oh my gosh. Do you realize what buds secret power is . Hes been blackmailing her audience laughing [margaret] what . [betty] really . Oh well we better audience laughing [kathy] come out from under there baseball bat thumping [bud] stop it, im your pal audience laughing whats the matter, im your friend, you wouldnt want to hurt me, would you . hard thump oh after i worked, and sweated, and slaved. Come out from under there so i can kathy dad, save me from this fiend. [kathy] no daddy i can handle him. [jim] no, no, no well take care of it. [margaret] at the right time too. Bud come out from under there. [bud] finally. [jim] no wait. Lets keep him under there for a while. Kathy you go gather up all the shoes you can find. [kathy] shoes . Yeah, hurry, come on. And betty theres a box in these closets, about that big, get it. Dad, what are you doing . You be quiet, you blackmailer blackmailer . You mean this box . Re by bud. audience laughing what do you mean blackmailer . What should i do with them . Dump them down there. audience laughing now bud, start shining. [bud] dad why are you punishing me . I didnt blackmail anybody. Yes you did. Honey get some paper off of his desk. And a fountain pen bud seems to know how to use pens to advantage. audience laughing [bud] alright, so i made use of a broken fountain pen, but it was only to make kathy be good. Whats wrong with that . Now hard thump shine audience laughing what about these . Oh yeah good. Now when you finish with the shoes, write down the story of your life these past two weeks. You wanted to write a paper about a dictator, well son thatll be it, call it the, uh, rise and fall of a 60 cent dictator. audience laughing shall we go ladies . And let the man work . audience laughing sad music audience laughing door closes [kathy] daddy . Yes . Would you be mad if i went in and helped bud . What . Help bud, why . I dont know, i just got the habit i guess. audience laughing i think i feel better if im helping someone. laughingly ok kid. smooch but dont help him too much. And theres nothing like shoe polish for rubbing in. audience laughing applause and jane wyatt, children giggling with elinor donahue, billy gray, and Lauren Chapin i want you to listen to this story and tell me if its too miserable to hand in. Oh, im sure its fine. [betty] oh, wait, father, you have to listen. It turned out to be such a weird story i cant tell whether its good or awful. Now you come on and sit down. This will only take six or seven hours. Wouldnt tomorrow be soon enough. [betty] no, i have to hand it in tomorrow morning. I warn you, this might scare you
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