disease foundation, i'm collecting in the neighborhood. good luck. sir, won't you at least hear me out? i gave at the office. well, isn't this your office? well, that depends. it's my office, also my home. a man's home is hisastle. that's why i'm asking you to leave 'cause i don't want no hassle in my castle. one day, you may be sorry you didn't give. it won't be today. you talking to? nobody. just somebody collecting for heart disease. well, did you give him anything? i'm not in favor of heart disease. you talk to him, i'm going to fix me some breakfast. say, brother! say, could you come back in the house for a minute? thank you. hey, look. i'm sorry if my old man gave you a hard time, but, you know, he gets kinda cranky. it's quite all right. i'm used to it. most people don't seem to realize how wide spread heart disease really is like my father? yes. heart disease is the number one killer in america, but actually, most heart attacks and related ailments, such as strokes, are caused from hypertension. do you know that hypertension afflicts 30 to 40% of the black population in america over 30 years of age? for every black american that dies from sickle cell anemia, over 100 will die from a heart attack. no, i didn't know that. yes. say, listen, blood, why don't you come in here and sit down. i want to ask you some questions. all right. is it possible for somebody to have, say, 3 or 4 heart attacks a day? [laughs] no, i sure doubt it. after the second one, they'd probably be dead. no, one big one and it's all over. then it's not likely that a person could average, say, 26 big ones a week, huh? no, no. that's unbelievable. yeah, i thought so, too. now, if this person claims to have that many attacks, his person have a heart attack? oh, yeah. all the time. this person is, uh, like a father to me. does this person complain about a tightening in the chest? a pain in the left shoulder and arm? dizziness? nausea? all of that. uh-huh. well, then, if i were you, i would have this person thoroughly examined after the next attack. that way, if it's really a heart attack, it will show up when they're given an electrocardiogram test. well, do you know a place where you could get one of these tests? oh, yeah, certainly. i think i have it here somewhere. our lady of the leaves hospital. oh, yeah. i know that. mm-hmm. they have a cardiac alert department there that admits patients 24 hours a day. oh, hey, thank you very much, brother. that's all right. hey, look. you might not notice, but you've saved a very valuable life. oh, you mean this person's? no, mine. here you go. here's a dollar for the heart fund. ha ha! thank you very much. on second thought, i feel generous. make it 2. aw, thank you. you know, if i could meet 30 million more people as generous as you, well, good luck. all right. ok. hey, pop, you know, i was-- shh! what are you doing? i'm trying to hear if this cereal really goes snap, crackle, and pop. i can hear my snap and my crackle, but they beat me outta some of my pop. uh, say, look. i was gonna wait till tonight to tell you this, but i don't think i should. i'm gonna have to lay it on you now. if it's bad news, tell me tomorrow. well, you remember you was the one that always told me never to put off for tomorrow-- wait a minute. i never did finish that. i wanted to say, "never put off for tomorrow "what you can do the day after tomorrow." so, tell me the day after tomorrow. no, i'm gonna lay it on you now. brace yourself, pop. you braced? i'm braced. all right. here it is. i'm getting married. you what?! i'm getting married. wh-what happened? did you--did you make some girl pregnant? something like this to yourself? when did you decide to do all this? see, i've been thinking about it for a long time now, but i just recently decided to do it. well, is it evelyn rogers? no. well, did i ever meet her? yeah, you met her once. her name is maria. maria? you don't mean "magic fingers maria" down at this massage parlor on manchester and main? no, her name is maria fuentes. she's julio's sister. you--julio, who live over there with the goat? that julio? one and the same. you mean to stand there and tell me you're gonna marry a puerto rican? that's right. oh, no! oh, yes. it's already been arranged. but look on the bright side of it, pop. when we have our first son, we'll name him after you. we'll call him fredrico. little fredrico manuel-- oh, no! wait, man! don't say that. you hear that, elizabeth? i'm comin' to join ya, honey. with an invitation to a puerto rican wedding. aah! what's the matter, pop? i'm having a heart attack, that's what's the matter. are you sure it's a heart attack? yeah, i'm sure it's a heart attack. well, we better get right on down to the hospital. come on. wait a minute. wait a minute. hospital? i ain't goin' to no hospital. but, pop, you need medical attention. i don't need no medical attention. yes, you do! man, you need medical expert treatment. now, they got a cardiac alert department not too far from here he leaves hospital. now, come on. let's go. no, i don't need to go to the hospital. i'm fine. just give me a glass of our ripple of the grapes. you had a heart attack, didn't you? now, come on. wait a minute. where you say you're taking me? i already told you, man. i'm taking you to the hospital. now, we'll find out how bad your heart is once they give you that electrocardiogram test. now, come on! no, wait a minute. ain't nobody gonna put no electric cards on my heart. forget that. pop, it's painless. now, come on! listen, let me go. "ohh! that was nice and painless!" pop, it's a precautionary measure. now, one day, you're gonna thank me for this. now, come on. let's go. [mumbles] wait a minute. wait a minute. now i really feel bad. what is it, pop? is it another-- is it another heart attack? then we better hurry up. ohh, wait a minute. it's not that, son. it's those pig feet and butter beans. well, come on, then. now, come on, pop. it's gonna be painless. now, just relax. now, look, here's your room. 393. [man moaning] ohh! well, come on. let's go. oh, hell, no. i ain't goin' in there! just go in there. no. did you see that man? get in there now. just relax. this is gonna help you out. everything's gonna be fine. now, just relax. is everything all right? it was. everything is fine, nurse. he's just an old man. he's a little upset at being in a hospital. that's a lie. i'm a whole lot upset. mr. sanford, these tests are for your own good, but you aren't compelled to take them. i'm not? of course not. bye. oh, no, you don't. now, you're gonna stay in this hospital and get those tests. now, this is a nice room, pop. you'll be comfortable here. 'cause i hate hospitals. i hate the smell of hospitals. all them smell like lysol. they even cook with lysol. [sniffs] lysol. well, you won't be here very long. we should have all of your tests completed in a few hours. here. you can slip this on and i'll be back to see you in a few minutes. why do i have to slip this thing on? what's that? sounds like the gentleman in the bed over there. ohh! ohh! hey, man! hey! will you shut up? just shut up. this is a hospital. people are in here sick. hey, pop, look at yourself. man, the man's obviously sick or he wouldn't be in a hospital. he's probably here because his heart's acting up on him. now, how you know that? well, because heart disease is very common nowadays. did you know that hypertension and heart disease i didn't know that. i thought it was the police. [no audio] well, you're not gonna have to worry about any more heart attacks, pop, 'cause they'll probably give you some miracle drug to fix you right up. drug? then i'll be a dope fiend. i won't be fred sanford the junk man. i'll be fred sanford the junkie. hey, pop, you gotta think positive, man. rest and take it easy, and i'll do all the work. well, let's just say for some strange reason, the tests prove that i don't have a bad heart. well, in that case, you'll be able to do some of the work around the house like sweepin' and dustin' and moppin' and washin' that truck and cleanin' out those cabinets and hangin' curtains and takin' those things down that are supposed to be-- ohh! now i really feel bad. where's the pain, pop? is it in your heart? it was in my heart. but after lookin' at you 2, it moved further down. john, we're giving you a raise. that's fantastic! but i'm gonna pass. are you ok? honey, you got another present. no thank you, dad. time warner cable internet gives you more of what you and those little data hoggers want. like ultra-fast speeds up to 300 megs. that's 50x faster than dsl. this internet speed is sick. get 50 meg internet starting at $39.99 a month. call now. and with home wifi, the whole family can be online at once. g reat for kids to stream scary shows while not cleaning their room. you'll also get our exclusive 1-hour arrival window, a money-back guarantee, and there's no contract to sign. no data cap starting at $39.99 a month. plus, free installation and access to over 500,000 twc wifi? hotspots nationwide. would rex pass up more beef stew? i don't think so. give me my clothes! i wanna go home! [banging on bed] sir, what's the matter? oh, hello, darling. are you all right? i could hear you all the way up the hall. yeah, i was going a little stir crazy, but i'm all right now. is there anything i can do to make you more comfortable? uh, yeah. why don't you get a few more of them screens, t sound like a very sick man to me, you know. and i'm not gonna act like no sick man. ok, i tell you what. now, if you promise to behave and to be quiet, you get a nice backrub. would you like that? do a hog love slop? i like it from top to bottom, bottom to top. from side to side. any way you wanna rub it would be all right with me. ok, it's a deal, but you gotta promise to be quiet. my lips are sealed. ok. with a crowbar each couldn't tear my lips apart. come right in, darling. and let your fingers do the walking through my classified section. wh-what's this? i thought you wanted a backrub? help! let me out of here! give me my clothes! i gotta get out of here! mr. sanford, you're gonna have to keep your voice down. this is a hospital, you know. i know it's a hospital. and you're the one making people sick in here. help! get me out of here! i gotta go home! come on, mr. sanford. believe me, we want you to be tested and out of here sooner than you do. maybe you would like a mild tranquilizer to relax you. no, just give me 2 bottles of ripple you're a sight for sore eyes. you can leave now, honey. i got company visiting. aww, fred. fred, aww. fred! what's the matter with you? what's the matter with you, grady? you sick? [crying] oh, fred. here's a toilet right here. but please use the one down the hall. no, fred. your son told me that you were in here with a bad heart. it, fred? what are you talking about, grady? first there was wardell jackson die. and then junior cooper died. they say it comes in 3's, fred. i guess you're number 3. [crying] grady, will you shut up and listen to me? i'm not sick. oh, goodness. that's just what eelie who magee said he yelled right out, "i am not sick!" and he rolled right outta that bed and died. listen, grady. listen, grady. maybe you didn't hear me last time. now, listen to me clear, you hear? i'm only gonna say it one more time. i am not sick. well, once they get you in here, they'll find something wrong with you. and they'll put it right on that chart there at the foot of your bed. now, look, grady. you better go ahead and leave, now, you hear? 'cause you're really makin' me sick. [crying] ok, fred. i--i'll go on. but, fred, let me look at ya one more time. so i can remember you-- how you were. i just don't like what them undertakers do to you. all that lipstick and rouge. [talking indistinctly] that's all you-- man: ohh! ohh! hey, man, will you shut up? you and grady are both making me sick. ain't nobody can be that sick. or could he? mr. sanford? are you awake? your son is here to see you. how you feeling, pop? oh, i feel pretty bad, son. you know, you did the right thing when you brought me here. oh, yeah? uh-huh. yeah, i bet you they found a whole lot of stuff wrong with me. and then again, they might not. but just in case they don't, i've made up a little list of things for you to do around the house when you get back home. huh? like washing the windows and cleaning the truck and washing the floors and-- well, i don't wanna bore you with that now. i'll show it to you when you get home. yeah, son. you know, if i ever get back home, i'll do all the stuff you want me to do right now, but just in case i don't get back, you'll understand why i didn't do it. oh, yeah. if they find something seriously wrong with you. you, know, once you're out of here, say, i thought it was the one next to the wall, didn't you? no, it's this one. it is? yes, sir. you're going for a little ride. not until you tell me where... and give me a round-trip ticket. that's what happened on television the other night in public enemy. they took james cagney for a little ride and they didn't stop till they got to the cemetery. hey, pop, just relax. now, they probably came to take you for your tests. isn't that right? didn't you come to take him for his tests? tests? no, it's a little more than that. it is? it is? yeah, it sure is. according to this-- uh, listen, can we talk out in the hall for a minute? sure. no, no, no. no, you just stay here and rest, pop. it's gonna be all right. no, no, no. it'll be all right. listen, i brought my father in for some simple tests on his heart. now, what's going on? where are you taking him? we're taking him to surgery. surgery? due in surgery in 20 minutes. well, listen, are you 100% sure of this? look, i'll be 200% sure, if you want. ok, well, can i have a few minutes with him alone before you take him away? sure. what is it, son? i'm sorry, pop. i didn't know, man. i owe you an apology. you didn't know what? what are you looking at me like that for? pop, i got a confession to make, man. when i told you i was getting married, i lied. i'm not getting married. i just told you that so you'd have a heart attack, so i could get you in the hospital to have these tests. you big, cold-blooded dummy! i know that, pop, and i'm sorry for it. but i didn't know how serious you were-- i didn't know how sick you were. i told you i was sick, didn't i? next time, you'll believe me when i tell you, won't you? and take it easy because everything's gonna be all right, ok? now, just sit back and relax, pop. i can't relax. hey, wait a minute, man. what y'all doin'? hey, wait a minute. get your hands off my legs, mister. hey, wait a minute. brother, you're a brother. don't be doing this. there must be some mistake, son. listen, pop-- i can explain it to you. pop, pop. pop. listen, pop. listen, pop. whatever it takes to get you out of here, you're gonna get it, i promise you, pop. no, but wait a minute, son, where are they taking me? they're taking you to surgery, pop. to who-gery? uh-uh. to surgery. they gotta operate on you. ain't nobody op on me. put me down, man! just relax, pop! now take it easy. [all yelling at once] what's the problem in here? wait a minute, wait a minute. may i ask you a personal question? who are you? i'm dr. jameson, chief of surgery. now, what's the trouble? well, doc, let me explain it here-- well, listen, doctor, they say they're taking my father to surgery and i just brought him in here e on his heart? you're not even close. it's not his heart. then what is it? he's scheduled for a removal of hemorrhoids. take him away now. wait a minute, doc! wait a minute! [yelling indistinctly] say, doctor, are you-- are you sure there isn't some mistake? i mean, i didn't know anything about my father having hemorrhoids. well, that's what's indicated on his chart, mr. banks. what? your father is lester banks, isn't he? yeah. yeah. and you were gonna let them give me that operation, too, weren't you? yeah, well, it would have served you right for switching those bed charts like that. hey, you know something, pop? we never did get those tests taken, man. i think we should go back to the hospital. i ain't goin' to no hospital. i feel fine. well, then, don't turn on that tv set. if you're well enough to watch tv, you're well enough to do the work around here. work? what work? you know what i had on that list, like sweepin' and moppin' and dustin' and cleanin' out that truck. ohh! oh, son, i'm just havin' serious arthritis. ooh! oh, really? an attack. hey, you know what? it'll be just perfect for the broom. ohh! what is it, pop? is it the big one? no, it's a whole lot of little ones. but it's weakening me. all right, then. let's get on down to that hospital. hospital? yeah. nevermind. captioning made possible by sony pictures television