And ride up the river seine in a bateaux mouche. Maybe some other time. We have a previous engagement. Oh, and i just flew over from edinburgh to play with my little granddaughter. Well, im sorry, mother, but tabitha and i are going to see hoho the clown. Oh, very well. Ill go with you. Uh, well, mother, youd hate every minute of it. Now, can you see yourself sitting for an hour surrounded by children . Yes. To my tabbytabbytabbykins. Besides, we only have two tickets. [ ding ] count again. Mother. Yes, dear . Youre a stubborn woman. Your Insurance Company wont replace the full value of your totaled new car. The guy says you picked the wrong insurance plan. No, i picked the wrong Insurance Company. With Liberty Mutual new car replacement . , you wont have to worry about replacing your car because youll get the full value back including depreciation. Make the switch to Liberty Mutual and see why weve been awarded highest in Customer Satisfaction by j. D. Power. Call for a free quote today. Liberty stands with you . Is that hobo the clown . Not hobo, mother hoho. When is he going to be funny . In a minute, when the show starts. Hi, its hoho the clown darrin, i want you to read this memo i received from what are you doing . Im watching hoho the clown. [ sighs ] now, thats what i call loyalty to the client. There they are there they are on television there who are . My wife, my daughter, and my motherinlaw. Ho, ho, ho its me again. And guess what i got. I got balloons ho, ho i got i got i got i got lots of balloons. Balloons for everybody whoo and here i got a balloon for you. Isnt that nice . Ho, ho and heres one for you. Ho, ho and heres another one for you. Why didnt he give tabitha a balloon . Mother, were on television. Shes obviously the most outstanding child in this entire audience. Shh and its time for the hoho hope chest and the hoho hope chest is chockfull of lots and lots of toys and games now, every boy and girl has a hoho the clown badge with a number on it and in just 60 seconds, one of those numbers is gonna be the lucky number that wins all of the prizes in the hoho hope chest [ cheering ] man and now, boys and girls, its time for an exciting message from the solow toy company. Wheres tabithas badge . Oh, she doesnt have one. Why not . Because shes related to darrin. Well, i admit thats a mark against her, but its hardly her fault. For the hoho hope chest. Oh, hhi, there its me again. And now, is everybody ready to see who won all the prizes in the hoho hope chest . [ cheering ] so, i hofully mix up the numbers [ ding ] and we pick a winner and the winning number is. 12 over here this little girl right here [ gasps ] mother ho, ho, ho, ha, ha. Oh, youre in trouble. Your child shouldnt win the hoho hope chest. I know. I guess the Program Staff goofed. Yeah i guess the Program Staff goofed. I guess the Program Staff goofed. Come on, sam, i know it was your mother, and you know it was your mother. I guess it was my mother. Oh, darrin, shes not out to destroy you. She was simply being a a funloving witch . Well, yes. And a doting grandmother. Youre kidding. No, im afraid im deadly serious. If the little girl who won yesterdays hope chest is not in todays studio audience, i refuse to go on. Why . Because i like her. Well, hoho, this isnt logical. Well, why not . Because im a star. Darrin, we have an emergency. I just got a call from the producer of hoho the clown. And . And hoho refuses to work unless that cute little doll that won yesterdays hoho hope chest is in todays studio audience. You mean tabitha . No tabitha, no show. No show, no commercials. No commercials, no client. To amuse my ulcer . This is the first time ive heard it. Honestly, i tell you. You have no time to tell me anything. Just have sam get tabitha over to the studio immediately as a personal favor to the president of the company. [ telephone rings ] hello . Why . Because hoho the clown refuses to go on unless shes there. Darrin, you know what i think . I think mother did more than monkey around with hohos hope chest. I think she monkeyed around with hoho himself. Is she giving you a hard time . Oh, nnot exactly, larry. She suggests that sam, this is larry. Will you please bring tabitha over to the studio immediately . Lets you and i go over to the studio and see what this Monkey Business is all about. Mother mother . oh, goodness. Tabitha, you and i have got to go somewhere. [ ding ] ooh thats a little fast for you, huh . Hello, tate. Oh, mr. Solow. What a pleasant surprise. What brings you here . I come every friday like clockwork to make sure youre giving me my moneys worth. Uh, darrin, mr. Solow, owner of the solow toy company. May i present one of mcmann tates most creative young executives, mr. Darrin stephens . How do you do, sir . Likewise. Now lets watch hoho the clown. Boys and girls, were gonna change our format today. Instead of doing the show for the entire audience, were gonna play it to just one member. Ho, ho there she is oh, mr. Cameraman, would you get a shot of this cute little doll sitting on her mothers lap . Oh darrin, did you change the format . No, i wouldnt do that without your approval. I liked the format the way it was. Oh, isnt she pretty . Ooh, dont touch hohos nose. You know why . Because im gonna make sure that you win all the prizes. Who is she . Who is that kid thats ruining my program . On with the showowowow. I have no idea. Do you, darrin . No. Darrin . What . Its saturday. Instead of sitting inside, why dont you go out and get some fresh air . After tabitha wakes up from her nap, why dont we take her to kiddieland . Well, shed hardly be famous as the result of one Television Show dont count on it. The complaints must be pouring in. And when they discover that tabitha is my daughter, theyll think that the Television Show was rigged, leading to an investigation by the fcc where i will decline to answer questions on the grounds that my wife and my motherinlaw are witches so do i. So do i. Iive been calling her and calling her, and she will not answer. E went away for the weekend. Would you like me to look for her . Please. Her two favorite cities are paris and rome. Ill try paris first. [ ding ] [ ding ] she wasnt in paris. Uhhuh. What took you so long . I couldnt find a cab. Uh, now ill try rome. You wait right there. [ telephone rings ] hello . Oh, hi, mrs. Kravitz. Oh, you saw tabitha on the hoho the clown show. Yeah, she was kind of cute, wasnt she . You want me to get you on the build your castle show because you need a refrigerator and a rotisserie . You want me to put in the fix for you on the build your castle show the way i did for tabitha on hoho . [ ding ] mrs. Kravitz, i did not put in the fix for tabitha on the hoho show i have never put in the fix for anybody on any show that ive been connected with i think ill go take another look around the colosseum. [ ding ] samantha, come back here uh, she went back to rome. Uh, to roam around the house again. Mrs. Kravitz, im afraid theres some mistake. If you want a refrigerator and a rotisserie, youll just have to go out and buy one. Samantha [ ding ] yes . See, that is the kind of thing im in for mother mother [ horse whinnying ] [ horse snorts ] uh, mrs. Stephens . Uh, yyes . Im hoho the clown. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho . Oh i got your name and address from my producer. Hows your daughter . Oh, shes just fine, thank you. You look a little different without your makeup. I know. Oh, well, you cant be on all the time. Whos your friend . Oh, shes a present for my cute little doll where is she . Ho, ho, ho hows your daughter . Oh, shes fine, hoho. Whats with the pony . Shes a present for my cute little doll ho, ho would you hold her, please . Is she housebroken . For what she cost me, she should be. I used the money that i laid aside for my wifes birthday present. Why . Beats me. For some reason or other, your kid has gotten under my skin. I cant stop thinking about her. Its like im in her power. Youre not in her power. Youre in darrin. Oh. Uh, these are for her, too. And this, too. [ chuckles ] where is she . Im longing to be near her darrin, why dont you go upstairs and get tabitha . Ill, uh, take the pony outside. Come on. Im gonna see her im gonna see my cute little doll [ chuckles ] ho, ho, ho ho mother mother, i want to see you mother, if you dont come here right this second, ill never let you see tabitha again. [ ding ] samantha, im surprised at you. Stooping to blackmail . Shh where have you been . Im spending the weekend in mexico city. Oh, well, i never would have looked there. Aco, dear . No mother, im very annoyed with you about what . [ gasps ] darwin needs a haircut. I am in no mood for any of your jokes. I am annoyed with you because of what you did to hoho the clown. Oh, that hasnt it worn off . Worn off . Its worse now, mother, hes in there. Without any further ado oh [ ding ] now, if youll excuse me, im getting back to mexico city. Im lunching with a very handsome bullfighter. Adi . S, muchacha. [ ding ] ol . Here she is, hoho. Heres your cute little doll. Whats so cute about her . Did i bring a pony in here . Ah, wheres my pony . It just happened to sam, what happened . [ doorbell rings ] well, i uh, here, honey. Mmhmm. Uh, excuse me, hoho. Its your daughter, stephens. I hired a detective, and he found out its your daughter. When mr. Solow called me at the club and told me, i was shocked beyond belief ii couldnt speak. Words failed me. R, baby. Ho, ho, ho, ho . Dont ho, ho me, you ingrate. You and stephens here have entered into a conspiracy to drive the solow toy company out of business after all ive done for you. As close as weve been, like father and son. Darrin, if you needed money, if you needed toys, why didnt you come to me and say so . Larry, are you trying to say that you knew nothing about this . Yes. Effective immediately, the hoho the Clown Program is hereby canceled. But you cant do that to the children of america. You have no alternative. And i have no alternative but to ask you to tender your resignation. Darrin, youre through so is my account with mcmann tate. Mr. Solow, that wont be necessary now that stephens is no longer with the agency. I want you to know i consider his actions illegal, unethical, shocking. [ ding ] can discuss how to get out of this. Is the spell off hoho . Oh, yes, yes. We just have to figure out a way to bail him and you out. Lets see. We can say, uh. We can sa no. [ gasps ] we can say its a publicity stunt a publicity stunt yeah. For what . Uh. For a cute little doll. [ ding ] they look like twins well, thank you. Uh, now i have to make hoho believe he was all part of it. [ ding ] honey, what do i say . Well, lets see. Uh, well, ill start the ball rolling, then you take over and run with it. Mmhmm. Oh, hold it. [ ding ]. Disgusting, despicable, and humiliating. The newest member of the solow family the tabitha doll. The what . The tabitha doll. Uh, darrin thought of it, and i designed it iin my spare time, using our daughter as the model. Then hoho put the real tabitha on television and played favorites with her to create public interest. It was a publicity stunt to promote a new product. Uh, yeah, and i went along with it just to help out the sponsor, even though it temporarily hurt my image. Well, why wasnt i consulted . Well, because, uh tate . Yes, sir . Shut up you know something . This is a pretty cute little doll. And that was a pretty cute publicity stunt. And these are two pretty clever fellas, huh . They sure are. And, tate . Yes, sir . Me, sir . Tate, i think you should offer your humble apologies and include mrs. Stephens. Hi, darling hi, sweetheart. What are you doing home so early . I sneaked away to watch hoho the clown with you. Well, isnt that nice . Is he gonna reveal the publicity stunt . Mmhmm. And hes going to say, in the interest of fair play, every loyal viewer who called in or wrote in to complain will receive, absolutely free, a brandnew tabitha doll. Oh, quick come here. Sit down. Come on. Sit, like i told you. If youre gonna watch it, you have to sit. Ho, ho, ho im hoho the clown [ kids booing ] all you wonderful booers will be happy to know that each and every one of you will receive a new tabitha doll, absolutely free [ kids cheering ] ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho thats rather a cute idea. Whose was it . Larrys. Well, it persuaded mr. Solow to keep his account with us. [ chuckles ] why is hohos picture and mine is, uh darling oh. I dont know. I fixed it this morning. Well, ill just fix it again. [ ding ] sam, about your mother well, ddarrin, ii didnt know any, uh not in front of the baby. Captions by vitac voil . hey, strawberry waffles. In honor of this historic occasion. Honey, just because larry gave me a day off in the middle of the week is no reason to get historical. Well, go ahead. Say what you want. But to me, this is a day to remember a day of significance. You know what i think the significance is . Hes going to ask me to work the weekend. Well, live, for tomorrow you work. Samantha, what have i done to deserve you . [ ding ] nothing and you dont. Mother i better run, or ill be late for the office. Wait a minute, darrin. Now, let me explain. Mother, darrins off today. Sweetheart, wwhy dont you go into the living room and relax . Mother, just once, cant you be nice to darrin . Go ahead. Take the first step. Youll find out that being nice really isnt so painful. All right. Good. Darwood, dear boy. K. About what . I mean, i think we should have a better understanding. I just want to bury the hatchet. Where . Ooh [ gasps ] oh, isnt that a darling . No, its a reactor mach ii. Tell me, would you like to have a car like this . Sure, but even if i could afford it, i couldnt get it. Its not on the market yet. And hold out your hand. Wwhats that . Those are the keys to the car you wanted. Come on, charm boy. Lets go see, huh . Come on. Come on. Morning, charlie. Hiya, joe. J. J. Just stopped me, told me the reactor mach ii has to be ready for the trial run next monday. Yeah, a week ought to do it. Rough night . The engine was gone. No. The whole thing was powered by a bunch of squirrels. Squirrels . [ chuckles ] oh, thats a riot. Get the hood up, charlie. Well see if we cant adjust some of those. Squirrels. Hey, joe . Yeah . I think im having another nightmare. The car is gone. [ laughs ] you do all this research on a perfect car, then smash it into a tree. Your Insurance Company raises your rates. Maybe you shouldve done more research on them. For drivers with accident forgiveness, Liberty Mutual wont raise your rates due to your first accident. And if you do have an accident, our claims centers are available to assist you 24 7. Call for a free quote today. Liberty stands with you . [ chuckling ] sam, isnt that wild . Your mother made an exact copy of the reactor mach ii. Oh, its beautiful it makes the batmobile look like a skateboard. [ laughs ] and its got a fliptop roof oh, thats wonderful. Oh electric doors how about that . Yes, how about that . T power plant. There must be a gold mine under that hood. I hope so. Hydraulic suspension system. And look at that control panel. Its even got a radar screen. I dont think i can bear all this enthusiasm. See you later, dear. Darrin, you really should have thanked mother for the car. Well, i know i should have, except for one thing. Whats that . I cant take it. Why not . Ats a product of witchcraft. But mother was only being nice. I know. Will you look at that steering system . Darrin, couldnt you make one little exception . Honey, if you make one little exception, before you know it, youll make a lot more. Couldnt you keep it for a little while . Unhunh. Will you look at that power plant . Dont you realize how hurt mothers going to be if you dont keep it . Honey, its a matter of principle. She will . Its worth a try. Okay, ill take it, but only for a little while. And, remember, im only doing this for your mother. Joe justalm down, charlie, and go over this step by step. Now, we know the place was locked, right . Right. And were the only ones that have keys, right . Right well, theres your answer. No one could possibly have gotten in. Youre talking nonsense the car is gone, isnt it . Is it . What . I dont know about you, but i am too old to take up another trade. Do you want to tell j. J. That 150,000 worth of car is missing . And five years of research . Not until weve gone over the whole thing step by step. Now, how am i on that side . About 2 feet away. Thats close enough. It handles like a dream. I cant wait to get her out on the highway. It does ride beautifully. Would you like to get behind the wheel uh, the steering column . May i . Of course. [ chuckles ] oh, hon, you better take off your shoes. Take off my shoes . Your high heels theyll ruin the carpet. Im not wearing high heels. Oh. Here. [ chuckles ] okay . Yeah. Whoa [ chuckles ] [ engine turns over ] re you doing . Starting the car. Are you kidding . I said you could get behind the wheel, but thats all. Yyou mean, youre never gonna let me drive it . Oh, sure, after ive broken it in after the first 10,000 miles or so. Honey, do we sti have those old Army Blankets of mine . Mmhmm. What for . I thought i could put them aroundalls t wf the garage, protect the finish. I have a better idea. What . Why dont i make a slipcover for it . What kind of material . To tell larry about this car. Helturn green with envy. Isnt he gonna wonder how you could afford a car like this . Ill tell him the truth. What . i mean, ill say it was a gift from my motherinlaw, and i had to accept it to keep peace in the family. Now, heres why i think you guys havent been on the ball. Golf, dont you . Yes. We can still get in nine holes, and we can talk at the same time. Only if we play the same ball. Now, heres what i think your basic mistake has been. You just dont understand the meatpacking business. [ telephone buzzes ] yes . Uh, put him on. Ill just be a moment. Well, darrin boy, how are you enjoying the day off . Good. But dont make any plans for the weekend. No kidding a new car . Is that right . [ laughs ] sounds wild. Uh, just a minute. Its darrin stephens. He wants us to come over and see his new car. Sounds like something really special. Tate, i didnt fly in all the way from cincinnati to see a new car uh, darrin, maybe ill stop in on my way home. Right. Bye. Sounds like an expensive car. Back to why i think you fellas are off the track with my product, huh . Oh, sure, sure. Its one of those new experimental jobs. What is . Stephens car. Has a fliptop roof, hydraulic suspension, and a 425horsepower engine. Howd you like to drive that home . All i want to drive home is my point namely, that your ideas for my product have been too routine no dash or imagination. Tate, this is the space age, and sheldrake wants to be a part of it. Do i make myself clear . Yes. But how do we work sausages into the space age . Thats your job. Well. [ sighs ] let me see, now. Its, uh, got hydraulic suspension, huh . What has . Stephens car. Made in detroit . Charlie, we got to find some way to explain that cars disappearance. Youre right. We got to find some way. Whats that . There is no way to explain it. I mean, what do you say . Sorry. We lost it. Reminds me of a guy i know who lost a house. A house . No kidding. How . Back taxes. Charlie, i wish i had your sense of humor. Id cut my throat. Now, theres an idea. Hi. Was just looking at the engine would you like some tea . Oh, no, thank you. I was just looking at the engine, and it was real cute the way you put made in detroit on it and a serial number. Makes it look real legitimate. What do you mean . The car is legitimate. Of course, you mean a legitimate copy, dont you . Where did that car come from . Darrin. How should i know . Look in that magazine. Thats where it was when i cast the spell. You mean, it came from detroit . what do you think, the stork brought it . Now, listen, you two. I dont understand. I do your mother gave me a hot car for a present mother dont you look at me like that. I was trying to do whatshisname a favor. But to steal a car well, where was i going to get it . Im a witch, not a car manufacturer. O me a favor, dont do me any favors darrin, dear, theres no reason to be in a snit. Mother just didnt understand what she was doing. Well, i mean, the worst you can say is that she was a trifle overeager. Swell, that car is worth a fortune. Theres probably an alarm out for it all over the country. What are we going to tell the police when they tch up with it . Your mother is an overeager witch . Well im not gonna stay here and listen to this ingrate. Goodbye, samantha. Im off to new orleans for the mardi gras. Oh, mother, wait a minute. Oh, please, mother. Please come back. Sam, let her go. Shes caused enough trouble. Oh. Mother. Mother, are you listening to me . S her . Weve got trouble enough. The first thing to do is go to the garage and put that car back where it belongs. Oh, darrin, dont you understand . I cant. Mothers the only one that can bring that car back. Mother mother, dear youre a dear, sweet, wonderful woman. We need you. Mother . Mother, dear . Its no use. You insulted her. I insulted her . Oh, no. I insulted her. Well, lets not stand here quibbling. The first thing to do is to lock that garage door before [ doorbell rings ] s too late. The police. Darrin, pull yourself together. Open the door. Hello, darrin. You know mr. Sheldrake. Uh, sure. Nice to see you again, stephens. Nice to see you again, sir. Please come in. Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. Oh, hi, sam. Mr. Sheldrake, id like you to meet my wife. This is samantha. Can i get you some coffee . Oh, no, thanks. Dont bother, sam. Well, sit down. Make yourselves comfortable. Weve been brainstorming some new ideas for sheldrake sausages, and we thought wed bounce them off you. And were both anxious to see that car, too. Car . Car . Your new car. New car. New car. Yeah, im dying to see that hydraulic suspension system. Where is it . Uh, uh, well, um. Uh, the thing is, uh [ clears throat ] ive just put it to bed. At noon . Oh, yes, its all tucked in for its nap. We promise not to wake it up. [ laughter ] well, the thing is, um, its, um. Are you trying to say, business before pleasure . Uh, yes, thats it. First, let me hear some of those ideas you want to bounce off me. Half a day off. Stephens, lets look at the car, and we can talk about it at the same time. Darling, you go ahead. Ill see if i can contact that party. Oh. Okay. Its in the garage. Oh. [ door opens, closes ] mother, now, i want you to listen to me carefully. Here are the keys, mr. Sheldrake. Thank you. Be very kind to those brakes. Theyre very tender. My boy, i was driving before you were born. Just once around the block . I cant bear to watch this. Im going in to have a double. [ engine turns over ] darrin, were back. Sam, you found her. Yes. You dont look too well. And i have you to thank for it. If thats the way youre going to act mother, mother, please, wait. Darrin, mother came all the way from the mardi gras in new orleans just to help you. Dont ask me why. All right, im sorry. Just put that car back where it belongs, please. Oh, she will. She will. Just dont bug her. What are you doing . shh, she has to concentrate. Wait a minute not now what did you do that for . isnt that what you wanted . No hes too much. Samantha, dont you re isnt sheldrake back yet . Oh. Oh, my stars so, were in complete agreement, right . Right. Youre gonna go to peru, and im taking off for brazil. And if anybody asks, we never even heard of the car. We never even heard of each other. Right [ ding ] [ engine revving ] [ engine stops ] sheldrakes the name. Sausage is my game. Charlie. Hmm . Heres something we can agree on. I wont say anything about this if you dont. Has the pounding gone away . Oh, yeah. It changed to a low thump. I feel terrible about this. I dont understand. A responsible man, head of a big company, and he just drives off with your car. Oh, well, larry, you know these rich men. Theyre so eccentric. But i know how much that car is worth. Well, darrin isnt worried. Why should you be . Hes not worried . No. Im sick. Oh, darrin. [ telephone rings ] oh, excuse me. Hello . No, this is mrs. Stephens. Oh, uh, mr. Sheldrake. Where are you . At the airport . Whats he doing there . And what about the car . Uh, mr. Sheldrake, theres something id like to try and explain to you, but im not absolutely sure how to you have . You were . You are . Oh, why why, mr. Sheldrake, that sounds wonderful yes. All right. Goodbye. Well, what is it . What happened to him . What about the car . Uh, he took a slight detour. Just going around the block . He said that someday, when he figured it out for himself, what . He also said to go ahead and use the car in the advertising campaign. He has the rights to it. But. What . How did he get them . Well, it seems he ran into the two men who designed it. I dont understand anything about this, but its okay with me. [ chuckles ] he sure flipped over that car, didnt he . Yeah, he flipped, all right. Oh, he certainly did. Well, thats what he said. [ . . . ] [screams] aagh what are you . Oh, master, what has happened to you . Huh . What do you mean . Its my skin diving outfit. Oh. What . Thank heaven. I thought that while i was sleeping, someone had turned you into that. [chuckles] no. Oh, where are you going, master . It is 4 00 in the morning. Uh, well, its gonna be dawn in a couple of minutes. Im going down to the beach. Dressed like that . Oh, roger and i are going hunting for sunken treasure. Oh, that is a waste of time, master. I can give you all the treasures you desire. If i live to be another 2000 years old, i will not understand you. Well, its not the treasure im interested in, jeannie. Its the hunt, you see. How do you know there is treasure there . Well, ii dont know exactly. Its just that, uh, a lot of pirate ships used to ply the waters off the coast here, and its rumored that captain kidd had a ship to go down with a lot of sunken treasure on it. Who . Who was this captain kidd . Now, lets see. Captain kidd, captain. [mumbles indistinctly] oh, yeah. Uh, william kidd started out as a respectable seaman. The British Government sent him out to harass the french fleet in 1700. His men forced him to turn renegade, and he became a pirate. Well, he was quite a fellow. It took the whole british navy to look for him. [scoffs] i am sure he was not as brave as you, master. [chuckles] oh, no, jeannie. Id hate to have tangled with him. Ill tell you that. Ah, i am sure you would have beaten him, master. Oh, i doubt it. Oh, yes, you would have. That all right with you, fellas . [cheers] kidd hey, you huh . Oh, who . Me . Me . Yeah, you kill him, captain kidd. With pleasure. Prepare to die uh, now, now, now, wait a minute agh Jeannie Jeannie if youre age 5075, massmutual makes it easy to get quality Life Insurance coverage, at a cost that can fit your budget. Call massmutual today and ask about guaranteed acceptance Life Insurance. Its designed to help cover final expenses such as funeral costs, medical bills, and other debts. While no one wants to think about these costs, often add up to more than you think. Without insurance, that expense could fall upon your loved ones. Consider how long it would take to save 8,500the average cost of a funeral today. But you can get the coverage you need now with guaranteed acceptance Life Insurance. Amounts range from 2,000 to 25,000, so you can choose the one that fits your needs and budget. And payments can start at less than 10 a month. Plus, your payments will never increase, coverage will never decrease. Guaranteed. Massmutual gives you several convenient Payment Options to choose from, and benefits are paid quickly to your beneficiaries. Best of all, guaranteed acceptance means there are never any medical questions or examsyou cannot be turned down for health reasons. It can provide a lifetime of coverage for you, and protection for your loved ones. For more than 160 years, massmutual has our financial strength ratings are among the highest of any company, in any industry. Call massmutual now to get the answers you want and the coverage you need to help take care of final expenses and protect what matters most. Call this number to get information and a free quote for guaranteed acceptance Life Insurance. The call is free, and theres no obligation. Call massmutual at the number below. Jeannie jeannie [shouting] what was keeping you so long, huh . I want get him, master i told you [laughing] uh, im sorry, captain. Wait will you wait . [cheering] kill him, master [water splashes] [ . . . ] he beat captain kidd. [giggles] any orders, captain . All hooray um, captain . Youll be captain kidd. Youre our new leader. [all cheer] well, i certainly appreciate your offer, but im afraid im not gonna be able to stay. You aint thinkin of runnin out on us, are you . No. No, but ii do have cause the only way anyone ever leaves this crew. Is feet first. All yeah. Feet first . Any orders . Uh, no, no, not at the moment, but if i, um if i have any, ill certainly let you know. Aye, aye, captain. Back to work, you lubbers. You. Me, sir . No, no, no, i wanna talk what do you want to do with the prisoner . Uh, prisoner . What prisoner is that . The girl we captured from the british frigate. Oh, yes, yes. That prisoner. Do you want to kill her, or do you want me to . Kill her . Ill do it. [laughing] no, no, ill do it. Ill do it. Have fun. [ . . . ] boy. Hey. Hey, thats my cabin. Yes, well, youre certainly a messy housekeeper. Clean that place up. No, no, no. Shes in the captains cabin. All right. Ill call you when i need you. Oh, but dont touch me [stammers] lson, United Stated Air force. [screams] shhh. I just wanna cut your rope. Did you call me, captain . Uh, no, i did not. If i want you, ill certainly let you know. Now, go upstairs and swab the decks. Aye, captain. [door closes] how did you get on this ship, anyway . As if you didnt know. What did you do with the others . Whwhat others . Dont pretend you and your bloodthirsty crew didnt board the yarmouth and sink it. But youll pay for it. Right now, theres a british frigate searching for you. I didnt have anything to do with this, miss. Actually, im just passing by. Im gonna help you escape from here. Do you really mean that . Yes. I told you if i need you master . Oh. I think wed better leave here quickly. We cant leave now. Theyre going to kill this girl. But if you stay, they are going to kill you. I heard them talking up on deck. The first mate wants to take over the ship. He can have it. But im not gonna leave here without her. Oh, you were right, master. This is so exciting [squeals] [chuckles] who was that . Oh, uh, that was an old, old friend of mine. My husband will pay you well if you could save me. Hell give you anything. Oh, thats not necessary. Forgive me. I havent introduced myself. Im lady diane nelson. Oh, im, uh, major anthony nelson. Did you say, uh, lady diane nelson . Yes. You know my husband . Know him . Why, hes my greatgreatgreat greatgrandfather. I beg your pardon. And that means that youre my greatgreatgreat greatgrandmother. What are you talking about . Youre gonna have a son named named, uh named william, and youre gonna have a daughter named priscilla. That is, if i can get you off this boat. And if i cant get you off this boat, im not gonna be born. [screaming] shhh. Oh, please, dont do that. Captain . Oh, what are you doing here . Whats taking you so long . We cant kill her. What . I mean i mean, we cant kill her now. Look, uh. I, uh i think we should torture her a little bit. Shes probably got plenty of Hidden Treasure she could tell us about. Ohhh, good thinking. [both laugh] yeah, go boil some water. Yeah boil some water . And and heat up a branding iron. All right, skipper. Oh, no no, you promised no, im not gonna let anybody hurt you. I was just using that to stall for some time. But how are you gonna get me off the ship . Uh, ive got a very influential friend. Now, you just stay right there. Uh, dont go away. Be calm. [ . . . ] dont go away. Jeannie, where have you been . Give me that thing. Youre gonna cut your head off. Are you ready to leave, master . Ii cant leave yet. Really . Well, i never wouldve known it. She does not look a bit like you. Thats not the point, jeannie. The point is, if i dont get her off this ship, theres not gonna be any me. How are you going to rescue her, master . You are in as much danger as she is. Shhshh. You should you should hear their plans for you. Im gonna sneak her off the ship and get her on that island. She told me theres a british frigate looking for the pirates. Ill find out some way of signaling em. Oh, that is a wonderful idea hey you back to work. Yeah, yeah, get back to work. Aye, aye, sir. The iron will be hot in a minute. When its through, i just cant wait to see her walk the plank. Yeah, yeah. [chuckles] itll be a billion laughs. [ . . . ] i dont trust that one. He has an honest face. Aye, aye, mate. [gasps] shhshh. I have a plan. Im gonna get you off this boat. Oh, how . Heh . How . Oh, uh, i want you to put on these clothes. Well sneak you off this ship and over to the island. That british frigate you were talking about should be along any minute now. And well send up smoke signals. Master . Master . Oh, hurry, they are coming after you. Why . To kill you. Oh, jeannie, they cant do that. Im im the ain s bo. [both scream] what do we do now . Were gonna change our plans. [sword slashes] naagh there they are. Get em all right, stand back. Stand back i mean it all right, you asked for it. Go up the back steps. They dont build ships the way they used to. Grab him aye, aye, captain. No no wait a minute, wait a minute. Take your hands off of me. I dont think you know who i am. I happen to be major anthony nelson, in the air force of the United States. And if youre wise, youll let me walk out of here. Oh, you want to take a walk, do ya . All right. Tomorrow at sunrise, [cackling] take em to the brig. Now, wait a minute. [screams] take your hands off oh, oh. [ . . . ] pull em up hey, wait a minute. Which one of you wants to walk the plank first . Wait let him walk the plank. But the girl you save the girl for us, huh [gasps] all yeah, yeah. We dont want any witnesses. Here smell that smoke. Ahhaha. Ohhoho. Yes. Eh. Wait a second. Ladies, first. [laughs] [gasping] [laughs] give my regards to captain kidd, will ya, now . This isnt legal, you know. You can get in a lot of trouble for this. Really, where . Dont keep the sharks waitin now, will you . [cannon booms] manofwar approaching [ . . . ] oh. Its headin this way. [cannon booms] what are we gonna do . They will sink us. No, they wont. Not as long as we hold lady diane prisoner. [laughs] theyre gettin away ngng] uh, you two go on ahead. Ill try to hold em off. [screaming] [screams] oh. Thanks. Thanks a lot. You are the bravest master ive ever had. Come on, mateys. Thank you. Oh, jeannie, you get going, will ya . Theyre coming. Go on. [screams] jeannie, what is this . Jeannie what is this . [gunshot] [gunshots] [bonks] [gunshots] [indistinct shouting] [gunshots] agh master. Let us get out of here. Yeah, were not gonna be able to hold out much longer. Agh lady diane, would you excuse me, please . [screams] what are you doing . I have a plan, jeannie. Im gonna make a white flag. If i can give myself up, ou and lady diane go. Lady diane i wont let them capture me again. [gunshots] what is your next plan, master . [gunshot] its no use. Theyre closing in. Jeannie, we gotta get her out of here. I know. If they kill her, there will not be a you. Yeah. And i would not like that very much. Yeah, neither would i. [gunshots] [ . . . ] attention the marines have landed. Oh, they are not marines, master. They are british soldiers from the frigate. Thats just a figure of speech, jeannie. Ill never say an unkind word about you again. Aww. Hey take aim. Tony here we are fire cant you do anything right . I am sorry, master. Give me the flag. Jeannie it is here [gunshots] hold your fire that did it oh were saved. [weeping] oh, jeannie, ii im sorry i know, i know, you will never say another unkind word about me again. I only said it in the heat of action. Hey hey, there, here we come. You know, british flag. Haha [chuckling] hey lady diane. Are you all right . Oh, now i am. Get the rest of those pirates. [chuckling] hey boy, are you a sight for sore eyes. You got here just in time. Splendid. Hang him. Hang him . Wait a minute. Im one of the good guys. Captain, this man saved my life. It was nothing. Anybody would do it. We have orders to hang all pirates on sight. I happen to be major anthony nelson, service to nasa. Is there no way to save him . None, maam. Were under kings orders. Escort lady diane to the ship. Now, wait a minute. Wait. Lady diane goodbye. I guess youre not going to be my greatgreatgreat greatgrandson. I guess im not. Here. Captain continue the execution. Jeannie [gunshots] [magic boings] [gunshots] tony Jeannie Jeannie wait a minute. Jeannie wait a minute, this is a mistake. Wait a minute, you guys. Jeannie jeannie now, come on, i mean it. Just just wait a minute, you guys. Im not exactly who ii, um, seem. Please. Jeannie attention ready wait a minute knock that oh, that was fun, master. Can we do it again . No. Would you . Would you please get me out of this . I told you you would beat captain kidd, master. The next time i open my mouth, dont listen. Oh, it was nothing, master. [doorbell rings] oh. [magic boings] yes, can i help you . Got anything that needs killin, mate . How . How did you get here . In my car. In your car . Im from the quick kill exterminating service. If you got em, we kill em. [laughs] [chuckles] yeah. Oh, yeah. Its its its remarkable. Thats right, mate. And we guarantee all our work. Would you like a demonstration . Oh no, th thank you, ive had a very trying day. Perhaps some other time, yes . Just as you say, mate. Ill be back. [ . . . ] [laughing] oh . Did you see him . Did you see him . . . . . ] [grunting] that was very good, master. Oh, well, i was just practicing up my sword arm. Its a little sore. I have to keep it in shape. Oh did you enjoy being a pirate, master . Well, i shouldnt admit it, but, uh. Yeah, i loved it. Oh, i am glad are there any other pirates you would like to meet, master . Eh, no, no, no, no. Youve met one, youve met em all. Oh, i. I suppose so. I liked your greatgreatgreat greatgrandmother, though. Oh, yes. She was wonderful, wasnt she . Mm. I have a little trouble thinking of her as a sweet little old lady. She had a lot of courage. Oh, yes. Was very brave also. And handsome. I wonder what he looked like . Would you really like to know . Yes. No, no, i dont wanna go back. Really, i dont. Oh, this will interest you, master. No, jeannie, please. Yeah, uh oh. Say. The book of english nobility. How about that . Hm. Theres lady diane. Jeannie oh, she is lovely. What did her husband look like . Tony [chuckling] how bout that. [laughing] i wonder what wouldve happened if we hadnt been able to save her. Ii mean, if id had the same grandfather but a different grandmother. Would you really like to know, master . Yeah, yeah. Would i look very different . [giggles] a little. [laughing] [in british accent] now, see here, jeannie. I dont think this is funny at all. Now, you stop this. [ . . . ] its a bit much. I would make a wonderful secretary for your general. Oh, boy. Hey, thats a great idea. Shed make a great secretary. Oh, thanks. It would solve everything. I would be around your general all day long, and by the time i am finished, he will want to make you a general. Im ordering you. Dont go near general peterson. Oh, but i get so tired waiting around all day for you. Yes, i know you do. Why dont you watch television. There should be some good shows on. What is today . Oh, here. Uh, theres a movie that starts in a few minutes, jeannie. Its, um, a threehour movie, and theres two more movies just like it right afterwards. Oh, but that would take me all day. And by then your general will probably have hired another secretary. Promise me youll watch them all the way through. Very well, i promise. Yeah. We better get to the office. [sighs] thats for you. Can you imagine her being a secretary, [sighs] [country music playing] your Insurance Company wont replace the full value of your totaled new car. The guy says you picked the wrong insurance plan. No, i picked the wrong Insurance Company. With Liberty Mutual new car replacement . , because youll get the full value back including depreciation. And if you have more than one Liberty Mutual policy, you qualify for a multipolicy discount, saving you money on your car and home coverage. Call for a free quote today. Liberty stands with you . This way out, please. Hello, miss . Hey, roge. Who are all the girls . Oh, theyre the gals that tried out for general petersons secretary. Boy, if those are the rejects, id love to see who he picked. Whew. I wonder if jeannies enjoying her movies, huh . Yeah. What i wanted to talk to you about. Roge . [clears throat] excuse me, is this the Generals Office . Yes, it is. Oh, i am so sorry it took me so long to get here, but i had to see that last movie. Heehee i am the generals new secretary. Well, im afraid youre a little late, honey. Ive, uh, already gotten the job. Oh, but it is very important that i have it. You see, it is not so much for me, but for my master. Uh, tough luck. Uh, why dont you just go find yourself a crying towel. A crying towel . Beat it. Im busy. [intercom buzzes] peterson will you come in, please . Ah, right away, general. Yes . [screams] oh. You may have the job. [giggles] look, dont send me any more women. Find me a male secretary. Fast. Oh. Who are you . I am your new secretary, general patterson. Peterson. Im sorry, i cant use you. Oh, but i would be very valuable to you. [phone ringing] general peterson here. Admiral billings . Yeah, put him on. Oh, hello, chick. Its nice to hear your voice. Yes, i heard there was gonna be a meeting, but nobodys notified me officially yet. Oh, washington . Oh, sure, ill make it a point to be there. Oh, everythings fine here. Were beginning to get our apollo off the ground. Yeah. Our next meeting may be up on the moon. I know, theres no such thing as Science Fiction anymore. Well, ill be looking forward to seeing you. Thanks for letting me know. Goodbye. Oh, i tell you what you can do. Until my secretary gets here, you can, uh, clean up the oh, i have already done that. Well, you can type the they are typed. Well, you can straighten up my this is general peterson. Forget about sending me another secretary. I found one. Thank you, general patterson. Peterson. Oh, yes, i am sorry. Well, you and i are gonna get along very nicely, miss, uh. Jeannie. Miss jeannie. Whats your first name . Jeannie. Jeannie jeannie. Ii will file these. Fine. Now, i have an 11 00 appointment with dr. Bellows and, uh major anthony nelson. Oh, is he not wonderful . Good morning. Im, uh, here to see general peterson. Im anthony nelson. I know. What are you doing . What are you doing here . I saw all the movies. Would you like to hear the plot . In one of them, this poor cowboy get out of here before general peterson sees you. Hes already seen me. I am his new secretary. Yeah youre his what . Huh . Yes. And now that i am going to be here, we can have lunch in the cafeteria every day. Oh, i love cafeterias. Youre not gonna be here because were not gonna have lunch together now, you pop out and go home right now. Come on, go. Oh, but i cannot do that. Why not . Because, i would lose my unemployment insurance. Lose your unemployment . Oh, dr. Bellows. How are you, sir . Good morning, major. Oh, i, uh i dont believe weve met. Im dr. Alfred bellows. Yes, major nelson is always telling me how i hate to be late for appointments. I dont think we ought to keep general peterson waiting. Uh, you go in. Ill be right there. Yeah. You look very familiar. Have we met before . Yes. Remember when you came i know you from somewhere. She has one of those faces. It could fit almost anybody. I do not. I never forget a face. Perhaps if we had a chat, we could remember where. Are you free for lunch . In the cafeteria . If you like. Oh, i would like that. Fine. Now, ill pick you up here. Come along, major. We dont want to keep the general waiting. Yeah, right. Uh, major. Would you make a copy of that . Uh, major. Yes, sir. [sighs] you are three minutes late. Im sorry. Very sorry, sir. Well, look that over. Yes, sir. Now, if you see those two formulas at the top of the page, youll notice one is neutral and one is acid. Yes, sir. Its very important to keep that in mind. Im sorry. I broke your pencil, sir. Ill get one from your secretary. Major, heres a pencil. Please, forget about the coffee. Now, if youll just take your diagrams there. Oh, i think i have them in here. I know i had them, uh. Iiii suppose i left them in my office, sir. Major. Yes . Go get your diagrams. Yes, sir. Im terribly sorry for the delay. Excuse me. I think he has a reason to be nervous, general. What . Does your secretary have a security clearance . Security clearance . Yes. [scoffs] this is a very sensitive base, general. I know ive seen that girl before. But she denies it. Why . Whered she come from . What is she after . Some answers. And if she doesnt talk . Im a psychiatrist. Yeah, thats right. Yes. Yes, thats right. Seven p. M. Mmhm. I will tell him. Byebye. I have taken my first phone message. Oh, good. Oh. Oh what is it . I forgot to ask who was calling. Jeannie, has dr. Bellows ever seen you before . Well, yes, yes when . Remember, he he came into the kitchen one time dinner. Yeah. Haha i do not know what gave him that silly idea, but he thought that you and i were were gonna get married, yeah. Yes, yes. But you cant have lunch with him. Oh, but why not . Look, hes only seen you once. If he spends any time with you, hell know that you were the girl in my kitchen. Oh, do not worry, master. I will outsmart him. Outsmart outsmart him no, no, thats the one thing you mustnt do. You mustnt try to outsmart him. You see, hes a psychiatrist. Its his job to outsmart people oh, i am looking forward to it. Uh, so am i. So am i. Major. Here we are. Well. Oh. This is so exciting. Exciting . Oh, yes. I am not allowed out of the house very often. Youre not . No. And you know, it gets so tiring watching three movies on television. Of course, the plot to the second one was lovely. It was this boy and girl who were engaged, and the mother objected engaged. Thats it. Now i remember. Werent you and major nelson engaged . Ii hardly know major nelson. I see. Where am i from . Yes. Uh, where were you born . Where was i born . Well, you must have been born somewhere. You know where you were born. Oh, of course, of course. In, uh, iohho. Iohho . Ohiohwa . Ohiohwa what . Chicago . Oh, yes. Y. Tell me. What part of, uh, chicago did you live in . The lake section . No, no. The mountains. The mountains . Mmhm. Did you, um, ever climb to the top of, uh, mount chicago . Oh, yes. We used to do it all the time. Did you . Hmm. Fascinating. He was a used camel salesman. I beg your pardon . Uh, a used car salesman. Oh, very interesting. I like this. Well, so do i. As a matter of fact, it may turn out to be the best lunch ive ever had in my whole life. Oh. Haha. Tell me more about yourself. May i . Oh, i love to talk about myself. Well, when i was a little girl in chicago, my mommy and daddy and i could never go away for weekends. To feed the camels. The cars. And mama used to pack this marvelous lunch in a wicker basket. Hi, al. Tony, you gotta see the new dish in general petersons office. Whew. [clears throat] around the base . What about dinner tonight . I asked her first about dinner. Gentlemen, please. Im sure you all have some work to do. [indistinct chattering] you have some work, dont you . Yes, i do. I better get back to work. Fine. I will see you all later. Im going to take you up on that. All right. Byebye. Thank you very much. Bye. [giggles] ohh, they are all so friendly. Haha yes, arent they . What about lunch . Hm . Lunch. Oh, well, it was wonderful. We had roast beef with mashed potatoes and gravy and green beans and im not interested in the menu. What did you and dr. Bellows talk about . Oh, you do not have to worry, master. He was like a child in my hands. Yeah you he wasnt suspicious . Oh, not anymore. He was at first. Yeah. But then, i told him that my father was a used car salesman in chicago. From then on, it was easy. Really . Yes. I had him eating out of my hand. Yeah. Well, thththats wonderful. But i dont think we ought to take any chances. You better pop out of here and go home. No. No . No. No. Not until ive had general peterson promote you to a general. And you do not have to worry about dr. Bellows. Yeah. [giggles] he will be no problem at all. Long distance . This is dr. Alfred bellows at cape kennedy. Let me speak to the cia in washington. [typewriter clacking rapidly] hello, jeannie. Hello, master. You came to watch me work. No, i came to tell you some very exciting news. Really . Mmhm. [magic boings, typing stops] what happened . [gasps] oh, master. Oh, the stars of a general. Mm, yes, i just got the news. Oh, that is wonderful. And i hardly mentioned you at all to general patterson peterson. Yeah, well, he mustve gotten the message. He has a very fast mind. Oh, i am so happy. Oh now i can hold my head up in front of all those other genies. Yeah, i thought youd be pleased. Oh and you can tell general peterson that he hes just gonna have to get himself a new secretary. Mm. I will. [both laugh] general anthony nelson. Yeah. Jeannie. Uh, hello, tony. General. Can you make five copies of those, please . Id like them in the afternoon mail. Oh, yes, sir. Why, major . Im glad you asked me that, sir. Oh, but it is not major. It is general. Uh, general. General anthony nelson. Did they not tell you . No. Did they tell you . No, sir. No, sir. [clears throat] um, i can explain, sir. I was trying to impress the girl. You know how it is. A beautiful girl and a pair of stars on the shoulder. Its a very impressive thing and, uh. You were young when you were young its a practical joke, really. Next time you try a little joke like this, youll be headed straight for a courtmartial. Take those stars off, major. Job. Well well, now nnow i will never quit. Not until you are a fullbird general. [knock at door] come in. Dr. Bellows. Yes . Amos lincoln, cia. Oh, hello, mr. Lincoln. Uh, sit down, wont you. Thank you. Im sorry i couldnt get here sooner. Our flight from washington was delayed. You flew in from washington . Uhhuh. Oh, you really neednt have bothered, mr. Lincoln. About one of our employees. Well, it may have started out as a routine matter, doctor, but at this point, its on the top priority list of half a dozen government agencies. I dont understand. First of all, theres no record of a miss Jeannie Jeannie having been born in chicago. I knew it. Or anywhere else in the United States. You mean, shes an alien . Well, if she is, shes here illegally. The Immigration Department has no record of her ever having entered the country. Application from her. And the air force has no security clearance on miss Jeannie Jeannie. You beginning to get the picture . Thats incredible. Doctor, ive been with the bureau for over 15 years, and this is the first time we havent been able to turn up one single statistic on a person. For all weve been able to find out, she mightve sprung up out of thin air. Bellows she came from somewhere. Thats right. Dont worry. Before were through, well be able to tell you everything out that girl. [knock at door] jeannie. Hhello, master. Hello. You are not angry with me . Angry with you . No. As a matter of fact, im grateful to you. You are . Well. What have i done . Oh, its not what youve done. Its what youre gonna do. General anthony nelson. I thought you did not want to be a general . Do you realize what this means to me . This means that im gonna be the youngest general in the United States air force. Yes. Mm. Its gonna be a pay hike, uh, uh, power, uh, more prestige, privilege oh, i knew you would change your mind. How soon can you arrange it . Oh, right away. Uh. This afternoon . Good, good, good. Thats wonderful. And now, uh. Now, wait a minute. You better give me a couple of days. Uh, i still have a few things to clear up first. What . Well, i just, uh i have a few things to clear up first. Everythings all set. Oh, good. I thought youd never get here. I thought you could take eloise out to breakfast. Uhhuh. And you could take edna out to lunch. Yeah. And you could just pick one of these beauties here for dinner, huh. Any one of those. Ah, yeah. Juanita. Ill take her out to dinner, and well see which one of these will do. Ooh, whwhwhich one of these will do what . Who . Who are they . Oh, one of these girls is gonna be my wife. Your wife . Isnt that great . So i brought over a few pictures here to view the eligible girls in town. Generals have to be married . Oh, yes. Yes. Uh, thats one of the rules. Now. Master . About juanita, i think. You mean, in order to be a general, you must have a wife . Oh, yeah. Thats right. Oh you cannot marry any of these girls. Why not . Theyre really all quite nice. Yes, you dont have to worry. Im gonna pick out a good one. Well, i think i have made a mistake. Huh . Uh, uh, yyyou are much too young to be a general. I am . Would you be terribly upset if you were not a general . But if if you dont think its a good idea, then oh, it is a terrible idea, master. Yeah. All right, then i wont. Oh, thank you. Haha you go home and fix some dinner, and ill be there later. Oh, no. Please let me stay with you. No, really. Id rather you go home now. But i want to play secretary. Now, really. Now. Very well. I did it. I did it. You did it . I did it. I was helping. I was the one who brought the pictures. Oh, you were great. Hahaha i told you, when she saw those pictures, shed flip. One picture is worth a thousand words. Y. [magic boings] [laughs] well, youre still the old master. Yeah. Oh, god, i hated to do it were looking for miss jeannie. Have you seen her . Uh, jean miss jeannie. Oh, no, you mean the girl that was just here . No, shes gone. When will she be back . I dont think shes coming back. Uh, thats right. Well, well find her. Youre wearing sergeant stripes, major. Yeah, what are you doing in these sergeant stripes . Would you mind explaining that, major nelson . Yes yeah. Whose side are you on . Well, i have this girlfriend, aand she sometimes just doesnt. . Green acres is the place to be . . Farm livin is the life for me . . Land spreadin out so far and wide . . Keep manhattan, just give me that countryside . . New york is where id rather stay . . I get allergic smelling hay . . I just adore a penthouse view . . Darling, i love you, but give me park avenue . . The chores . . The stores . . Fresh air . . Times square
comparemela.com © 2020. All Rights Reserved.