And ride up the river seine in a bateaux mouche. Maybe some other time. We have a previous engagement. Oh, and i just flew over from edinburgh to play with my little granddaughter. Well, im sorry, mother, but tabitha and i are going to see hoho the clown. Oh, very well. Ill go with you. Uh, well, mother, youd hate every minute of it. Now, can you see yourself sitting for an hour surrounded by children . Yes. To my tabbytabbytabbykins. Besides, we only have two tickets. [ ding ] count again. Mother. Yes, dear . Youre a stubborn woman. Your Insurance Company wont replace the full value of your totaled new car. The guy says you picked the wrong insurance plan. No, i picked the wrong Insurance Company. With Liberty Mutual new car replacement . , you wont have to worry about replacing your car because youll get the full value back including depreciation. Make the switch to Liberty Mutual and see why weve been awarded highest in Customer Satisfaction by j. D. Power. Call for a free quote today. Liberty stands with you . Is that hobo the clown . Not hobo, mother hoho. When is he going to be funny . In a minute, when the show starts. Hi, its hoho the clown darrin, i want you to read this memo i received from what are you doing . Im watching hoho the clown. [ sighs ] now, thats what i call loyalty to the client. There they are there they are on television there who are . My wife, my daughter, and my motherinlaw. Ho, ho, ho its me again. And guess what i got. I got balloons ho, ho i got i got i got i got lots of balloons. Balloons for everybody whoo and here i got a balloon for you. Isnt that nice . Ho, ho and heres one for you. Ho, ho and heres another one for you. Why didnt he give tabitha a balloon . Mother, were on television. Shes obviously the most outstanding child in this entire audience. Shh and its time for the hoho hope chest and the hoho hope chest is chockfull of lots and lots of toys and games now, every boy and girl has a hoho the clown badge with a number on it and in just 60 seconds, one of those numbers is gonna be the lucky number that wins all of the prizes in the hoho hope chest [ cheering ] man and now, boys and girls, its time for an exciting message from the solow toy company. Wheres tabithas badge . Oh, she doesnt have one. Why not . Because shes related to darrin. Well, i admit thats a mark against her, but its hardly her fault. For the hoho hope chest. Oh, hhi, there its me again. And now, is everybody ready to see who won all the prizes in the hoho hope chest . [ cheering ] so, i hofully mix up the numbers [ ding ] and we pick a winner and the winning number is. 12 over here this little girl right here [ gasps ] mother ho, ho, ho, ha, ha. Oh, youre in trouble. Your child shouldnt win the hoho hope chest. I know. I guess the Program Staff goofed. Yeah i guess the Program Staff goofed. I guess the Program Staff goofed. Come on, sam, i know it was your mother, and you know it was your mother. I guess it was my mother. Oh, darrin, shes not out to destroy you. She was simply being a a funloving witch . Well, yes. And a doting grandmother. Youre kidding. No, im afraid im deadly serious. If the little girl who won yesterdays hope chest is not in todays studio audience, i refuse to go on. Why . Because i like her. Well, hoho, this isnt logical. Well, why not . Because im a star. Darrin, we have an emergency. I just got a call from the producer of hoho the clown. And . And hoho refuses to work unless that cute little doll that won yesterdays hoho hope chest is in todays studio audience. You mean tabitha . No tabitha, no show. No show, no commercials. No commercials, no client. To amuse my ulcer . This is the first time ive heard it. Honestly, i tell you. You have no time to tell me anything. Just have sam get tabitha over to the studio immediately as a personal favor to the president of the company. [ telephone rings ] hello . Why . Because hoho the clown refuses to go on unless shes there. Darrin, you know what i think . I think mother did more than monkey around with hohos hope chest. I think she monkeyed around with hoho himself. Is she giving you a hard time . Oh, nnot exactly, larry. She suggests that sam, this is larry. Will you please bring tabitha over to the studio immediately . Lets you and i go over to the studio and see what this Monkey Business is all about. Mother mother . oh, goodness. Tabitha, you and i have got to go somewhere. [ ding ] ooh thats a little fast for you, huh . Hello, tate. Oh, mr. Solow. What a pleasant surprise. What brings you here . I come every friday like clockwork to make sure youre giving me my moneys worth. Uh, darrin, mr. Solow, owner of the solow toy company. May i present one of mcmann tates most creative young executives, mr. Darrin stephens . How do you do, sir . Likewise. Now lets watch hoho the clown. Boys and girls, were gonna change our format today. Instead of doing the show for the entire audience, were gonna play it to just one member. Ho, ho there she is oh, mr. Cameraman, would you get a shot of this cute little doll sitting on her mothers lap . Oh darrin, did you change the format . No, i wouldnt do that without your approval. I liked the format the way it was. Oh, isnt she pretty . Ooh, dont touch hohos nose. You know why . Because im gonna make sure that you win all the prizes. Who is she . Who is that kid thats ruining my program . On with the showowowow. I have no idea. Do you, darrin . No. Darrin . What . Its saturday. Instead of sitting inside, why dont you go out and get some fresh air . After tabitha wakes up from her nap, why dont we take her to kiddieland . Well, shed hardly be famous as the result of one Television Show dont count on it. The complaints must be pouring in. And when they discover that tabitha is my daughter, theyll think that the Television Show was rigged, leading to an investigation by the fcc where i will decline to answer questions on the grounds that my wife and my motherinlaw are witches so do i. So do i. Iive been calling her and calling her, and she will not answer. E went away for the weekend. Would you like me to look for her . Please. Her two favorite cities are paris and rome. Ill try paris first. [ ding ] [ ding ] she wasnt in paris. Uhhuh. What took you so long . I couldnt find a cab. Uh, now ill try rome. You wait right there. [ telephone rings ] hello . Oh, hi, mrs. Kravitz. Oh, you saw tabitha on the hoho the clown show. Yeah, she was kind of cute, wasnt she . You want me to get you on the build your castle show because you need a refrigerator and a rotisserie . You want me to put in the fix for you on the build your castle show the way i did for tabitha on hoho . [ ding ] mrs. Kravitz, i did not put in the fix for tabitha on the hoho show i have never put in the fix for anybody on any show that ive been connected with i think ill go take another look around the colosseum. [ ding ] samantha, come back here uh, she went back to rome. Uh, to roam around the house again. Mrs. Kravitz, im afraid theres some mistake. If you want a refrigerator and a rotisserie, youll just have to go out and buy one. Samantha [ ding ] yes . See, that is the kind of thing im in for mother mother [ horse whinnying ] [ horse snorts ] uh, mrs. Stephens . Uh, yyes . Im hoho the clown. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho . Oh i got your name and address from my producer. Hows your daughter . Oh, shes just fine, thank you. You look a little different without your makeup. I know. Oh, well, you cant be on all the time. Whos your friend . Oh, shes a present for my cute little doll where is she . Ho, ho, ho hows your daughter . Oh, shes fine, hoho. Whats with the pony . Shes a present for my cute little doll ho, ho would you hold her, please . Is she housebroken . For what she cost me, she should be. I used the money that i laid aside for my wifes birthday present. Why . Beats me. For some reason or other, your kid has gotten under my skin. I cant stop thinking about her. Its like im in her power. Youre not in her power. Youre in darrin. Oh. Uh, these are for her, too. And this, too. [ chuckles ] where is she . Im longing to be near her darrin, why dont you go upstairs and get tabitha . Ill, uh, take the pony outside. Come on. Im gonna see her im gonna see my cute little doll [ chuckles ] ho, ho, ho ho mother mother, i want to see you mother, if you dont come here right this second, ill never let you see tabitha again. [ ding ] samantha, im surprised at you. Stooping to blackmail . Shh where have you been . Im spending the weekend in mexico city. Oh, well, i never would have looked there. Aco, dear . No mother, im very annoyed with you about what . [ gasps ] darwin needs a haircut. I am in no mood for any of your jokes. I am annoyed with you because of what you did to hoho the clown. Oh, that hasnt it worn off . Worn off . Its worse now, mother, hes in there. Without any further ado oh [ ding ] now, if youll excuse me, im getting back to mexico city. Im lunching with a very handsome bullfighter. Adi . S, muchacha. [ ding ] ol . Here she is, hoho. Heres your cute little doll. Whats so cute about her . Did i bring a pony in here . Ah, wheres my pony . It just happened to sam, what happened . [ doorbell rings ] well, i uh, here, honey. Mmhmm. Uh, excuse me, hoho. Its your daughter, stephens. I hired a detective, and he found out its your daughter. When mr. Solow called me at the club and told me, i was shocked beyond belief ii couldnt speak. Words failed me. R, baby. Ho, ho, ho, ho . Dont ho, ho me, you ingrate. You and stephens here have entered into a conspiracy to drive the solow toy company out of business after all ive done for you. As close as weve been, like father and son. Darrin, if you needed money, if you needed toys, why didnt you come to me and say so . Larry, are you trying to say that you knew nothing about this . Yes. Effective immediately, the hoho the Clown Program is hereby canceled. But you cant do that to the children of america. You have no alternative. And i have no alternative but to ask you to tender your resignation. Darrin, youre through so is my account with mcmann tate. Mr. Solow, that wont be necessary now that stephens is no longer with the agency. I want you to know i consider his actions illegal, unethical, shocking. [ ding ] can discuss how to get out of this. Is the spell off hoho . Oh, yes, yes. We just have to figure out a way to bail him and you out. Lets see. We can say, uh. We can sa no. [ gasps ] we can say its a publicity stunt a publicity stunt yeah. For what . Uh. For a cute little doll. [ ding ] they look like twins well, thank you. Uh, now i have to make hoho believe he was all part of it. [ ding ] honey, what do i say . Well, lets see. Uh, well, ill start the ball rolling, then you take over and run with it. Mmhmm. Oh, hold it. [ ding ]. Disgusting, despicable, and humiliating. The newest member of the solow family the tabitha doll. The what . The tabitha doll. Uh, darrin thought of it, and i designed it iin my spare time, using our daughter as the model. Then hoho put the real tabitha on television and played favorites with her to create public interest. It was a publicity stunt to promote a new product. Uh, yeah, and i went along with it just to help out the sponsor, even though it temporarily hurt my image. Well, why wasnt i consulted . Well, because, uh tate . Yes, sir . Shut up you know something . This is a pretty cute little doll. And that was a pretty cute publicity stunt. And these are two pretty clever fellas, huh . They sure are. And, tate . Yes, sir . Me, sir . Tate, i think you should offer your humble apologies and include mrs. Stephens. Hi, darling hi, sweetheart. What are you doing home so early . I sneaked away to watch hoho the clown with you. Well, isnt that nice . Is he gonna reveal the publicity stunt . Mmhmm. And hes going to say, in the interest of fair play, every loyal viewer who called in or wrote in to complain will receive, absolutely free, a brandnew tabitha doll. Oh, quick come here. Sit down. Come on. Sit, like i told you. If youre gonna watch it, you have to sit. Ho, ho, ho im hoho the clown [ kids booing ] all you wonderful booers will be happy to know that each and every one of you will receive a new tabitha doll, absolutely free [ kids cheering ] ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho thats rather a cute idea. Whose was it . Larrys. Well, it persuaded mr. Solow to keep his account with us. [ chuckles ] why is hohos picture and mine is, uh darling oh. I dont know. I fixed it this morning. Well, ill just fix it again. [ ding ] sam, about your mother well, ddarrin, ii didnt know any, uh not in front of the baby. Captions by vitac voil . hey, strawberry waffles. In honor of this historic occasion. Honey, just because larry gave me a day off in the middle of the week is no reason to get historical. Well, go ahead. Say what you want. But to me, this is a day to remember a day of significance. You know what i think the significance is . Hes going to ask me to work the weekend. Well, live, for tomorrow you work. Samantha, what have i done to deserve you . [ ding ] nothing and you dont. Mother i better run, or ill be late for the office. Wait a minute, darrin. Now, let me explain. Mother, darrins off today. Sweetheart, wwhy dont you go into the living room and relax . Mother, just once, cant you be nice to darrin . Go ahead. Take the first step. Youll find out that being nice really isnt so painful. All right. Good. Darwood, dear boy. K. About what . I mean, i think we should have a better understanding. I just want to bury the hatchet. Where . Ooh [ gasps ] oh, isnt that a darling . No, its a reactor mach ii. Tell me, would you like to have a car like this . Sure, but even if i could afford it, i couldnt get it. Its not on the market yet. And hold out your hand. Wwhats that . Those are the keys to the car you wanted. Come on, charm boy. Lets go see, huh . Come on. Come on. Morning, charlie. Hiya, joe. J. J. Just stopped me, told me the reactor mach ii has to be ready for the trial run next monday. Yeah, a week ought to do it. Rough night . The engine was gone. No. The whole thing was powered by a bunch of squirrels. Squirrels . [ chuckles ] oh, thats a riot. Get the hood up, charlie. Well see if we cant adjust some of those. Squirrels. Hey, joe . Yeah . I think im having another nightmare. The car is gone. [ laughs ] you do all this research on a perfect car, then smash it into a tree. Your Insurance Company raises your rates. Maybe you shouldve done more research on them. For drivers with accident forgiveness, Liberty Mutual wont raise your rates due to your first accident. And if you do have an accident, our claims centers are available to assist you 24 7. Call for a free quote today. Liberty stands with you . [ chuckling ] sam, isnt that wild . Your mother made an exact copy of the reactor mach ii. Oh, its beautiful it makes the batmobile look like a skateboard. [ laughs ] and its got a fliptop roof oh, thats wonderful. Oh electric doors how about that . Yes, how about that . T power plant. There must be a gold mine under that hood. I hope so. Hydraulic suspension system. And look at that control panel. Its even got a radar screen. I dont think i can bear all this enthusiasm. See you later, dear. Darrin, you really should have thanked mother for the car. Well, i know i should have, except for one thing. Whats that . I cant take it. Why not . Ats a product of witchcraft. But mother was only being nice. I know. Will you look at that steering system . Darrin, couldnt you make one little exception . Honey, if you make one little exception, before you know it, youll make a lot more. Couldnt you keep it for a little while . Unhunh. Will you look at that power plant . Dont you realize how hurt mothers going to be if you dont keep it . Honey, its a matter of principle. She will . Its worth a try. Okay, ill take it, but only for a little while. And, remember, im only doing this for your mother. Joe justalm down, charlie, and go over this step by step. Now, we know the place was locked, right . Right. And were the only ones that have keys, right . Right well, theres your answer. No one could possibly have gotten in. Youre talking nonsense the car is gone, isnt it . Is it . What . I dont know about you, but i am too old to take up another trade. Do you want to tell j. J. That 150,000 worth of car is missing . And five years of research . Not until weve gone over the whole thing step by step. Now, how am i on that side . About 2 feet away. Thats close enough. It handles like a dream. I cant wait to get her out on the highway. It does ride beautifully. Would you like to get behind the wheel uh, the steering column . May i . Of course. [ chuckles ] oh, hon, you better take off your shoes. Take off my shoes . Your high heels theyll ruin the carpet. Im not wearing high heels. Oh. Here. [ chuckles ] okay . Yeah. Whoa [ chuckles ] [ engine turns over ] re you doing . Starting the car. Are you kidding . I said you could get behind the wheel, but thats all. Yyou mean, youre never gonna let me drive it . Oh, sure, after ive broken it in after the first 10,000 miles or so. Honey, do we sti have those old Army Blankets of mine . Mmhmm. What for . I thought i could put them aroundalls t wf the garage, protect the finish. I have a better idea. What . Why dont i make a slipcover for it . What kind of material . To tell larry about this car. Helturn green with envy. Isnt he gonna wonder how you could afford a car like this . Ill tell him the truth. What . i mean, ill say it was a gift from my motherinlaw, and i had to accept it to keep peace in the family. Now, heres why i think you guys havent been on the ball. Golf, dont you . Yes. We can still get in nine holes, and we can talk at the same time. Only if we play the same ball. Now, heres what i think your basic mistake has been. You just dont understand the meatpacking business. [ telephone buzzes ] yes . Uh, put him on. Ill just be a moment. Well, darrin boy, how are you enjoying the day off . Good. But dont make any plans for the weekend. No kidding a new car . Is that right . [ laughs ] sounds wild. Uh, just a minute. Its darrin stephens. He wants us to come over and see his new car. Sounds like something really special. Tate, i didnt fly in all the way from cincinnati to see a new car uh, darrin, maybe ill stop in on my way home. Right. Bye. Sounds like an expensive car. Back to why i think you fellas are off the track with my product, huh . Oh, sure, sure. Its one of those new experimental jobs. What is . Stephens car. Has a fliptop roof, hydraulic suspension, and a 425horsepower engine. Howd you like to drive that home . All i want to drive home is my point namely, that your ideas for my product have been too routine no dash or imagination. Tate, this is the space age, and sheldrake wants to be a part of it. Do i make myself clear . Yes. But how do we work sausages into the space age . Thats your job. Well. [ sighs ] let me see, now. Its, uh, got hydraulic suspension, huh . What has . Stephens car. Made