[ music ] thank you, tom. [ humming ] were talking with tony randall, and we have buddy rich, Kelly Monteith, Tommy Thompson talking about a new book. You read a lot, dont you . Yes, i do. Constantly. You havent read serpentine yet. No, no, i havent. Good book, youll enjoy it. Ah. Im reading a book by sir Anthony Blunt. Sir Anthony Blunt . Yes, hes not sir anthony anymore, is he . Hes not . No. Hmm. You dont know what im talking about . Oh, that thing about in, uh, england. Yeah, it just happened. I was reading a book by him. Yes, with a scandal. Oh, yes. The book is about italian art. One nice thing about italian scandals, theyre always really scandalous. Did you ever notice . Theyre really good. They know how to do it. We dont know a thing about it. We dont know how to get a the filth in our blood. [ sparse laughter ] lets talk about your movie. Would you like to talk about that . Ah, yes. Its nice of you to bring it up. Well, of course. Thats surely the sole reason i came here i know that. Aside from plugging my record. I know that. And keeping my face before the public between things. Youve gotta keep moving in this business. You gotta let the public know who you are. Where youre going. Yes, where youre going, what youre going to do, what you had for dinner, what youre having tomorrow. Now, you have a movie called Scavenger Hunt, now thats the big thing. Is it any good . [ laughter ] well, youre honest about it. I literally do not know because i have not seen one foot of it. Yeah. And you never know. Thats the thing about making a motion picture. You can finish the picture, you can wait six months for it to come out, and and its terrible. Well, the actor sometimes has no idea whether its gonna be any good. Well, you begin with the script i know that. Of course you begin with we all know that. You dont always no, but in this no, they didnt used to, they used to wing em. Well, i know. Theyd go out and youd make up dialogue and theyd write right on the set. Thats right. And they handed the actor the pages and theyd go over and look at it and theyd do it, right . They used to do it that way. I didnt mean to interrupt you. But you begin with a script, then you shoot it. The script may be very good, it may be even great, and you can still make a rotten movie. If anybody goofs up, and theres so many departments all along the way, if the cameraman isnt right, or anything. So, i think this is good. We began with a good script. Is it a comedy, is it a thats a comedy. Yeah, it has a funny it has a lot of funny stuff in it, but it has its about a Scavenger Hunt, and you have to get things in order to win the inheritance of 20 or 50 million dollars, or Something Like that. And everybodys killing everybody else out of pure greed to get these things, and im the only good guy in the picture because im not doing it for greed, aww. But one of the things we had to get is an ostrich. On the Scavenger Hunt . Yeah. Well, talk about turkeys. There is nothing in this world meaner. And uglier, and smellier, and rottener in spirited disposition than an ostrich. They weigh 300 pounds, and to get them into position it take four or five men holding them, and then they begin to flap those big wings and they could kill ya. Then they kick. And these feet are enormous, with huge they have three toes, each one has a huge nail, a claw coming out of it, and they go after ya like that, and then they strike like a snake with that long neck. [ laughter ] you know, you do a very nice ostrich. [ laughter ] and if you get near them that head comes at ya, and they go for ya and they make that terrible noise. That mouth opens and you can. Its really disgusting. You dont care for them, huh . No, and thats not the worst thing they do. I dont wanna hear the rest of it. I can they do one thing all the time, more than a horse or cow does. Yeah. And we had four little kids, really great kids who played my children, i play motley, my name is motley, and these kids were so bright, and they made up anything good was motley power, but anything they didnt like they called os. Ostrich . Yeah. [ laughter ] okay, i think we got that all right. You crossword puzzle fans im sure will be able to figure that out. Two letter word, ostrich is the first one. Yeah, theyre hip now days. Lets see the film clip. Well, this is a scene i havent seen any of this, but this is a scene where i have to get a medicine ball, thats one of the items on my list. Okay, yep. Watch this little excerpt from the Scavenger Hunt. [ tapping ] okay, team. Now, we all know what were looking for, right . Right im going in the gym to try and find a medicine ball. Well meet back here at the car in ten minutes. Lets go. Hello. Hello. Welcome to the gym. Thank you. My name is motley. Im lars, im the instructor here. Yes, yes, healthy. Thank you. I tell ya, i have a little problem. Well, thats what were here for, we take care of problems. Uhhuh. Yes, and, uh, you have a problem. How did you get that . Well take care of your back, well straighten you out all the way. You may get something out of this gymnasium. What i need is a medicine ball. No medicine, we dont deal with medicine here. We deal with just absolute nutrition, food supplements. Thats whats wrong with america. Well make a real man out of you. I cant stop i cant stop no pain, no gain. Make it stop i cant. Atta boy. How do you feel . All i want is a medicine ball. A medicine ball . Yeah. Hey, youre getting the spirit. I guess i underestimated you, motley. Here. [ grunting ] [ applause ] thats pretty funny. Yeah. You had, uh the gym instructor, of course, is arnold schwarzenegger, he was on the show the other night. And he was good. Hes got a good sense of, uh, fun about himself. He ad libbed all those lines. Yeah, hes a bright guy, i like him. Well, we stood on the set saying, what are we gonna do with this, it doesnt seem to work . And he fixed it. He said, oh, dont worry, i know what to do. Ill fix it. Just started talkin or what . He just began talkin, he did the whole thing. We just went along with him. Looks good. Yeah. I yeah, its good. Ill tell ya a story later about a Scavenger Hunt that was held some years ago. Maybe ive got time to tell it quickly. Its about ex wives. We held it in new york, and a couple of the people are no longer with us, rosalind russell. People had to go out and one of the things was a nude doll. Now, most people went to the toy store. Youre not allowed to buy anything. No, they went out and picked it up and they were gonna get a little nude dolly, and theyd take the clothes off of it, or theyd go to a second hand store. So, where i was living in new york at the time, and when i became part of one of the teams, and from the second floor walks this person. A regular doll. A beautiful young lady, and Truman Capote was keeping score, and nobody would finally admit what team did this. This young lady descended in front of this entire group wearing zip, but with great style walked down, turned around, walked back up the stairs, and nobody took a beat. And Truman Capote said, one nude doll. And that was it, and went right back. And to this day, nobody would admit who did it. Well be right back. [ music ] arent you going to congratulate me . Now, what do you want me to congratulate you about . For intimidating you. Intimidating me . Yes. You havent dared smoke while i was out here. I noticed that. Well, youre a guest. [ applause ] first time ever. Youre a guest. All right. Buddy rich, my next guest, will be appearing at shea theater in buffalo, november the 27th, in new york on december the 11th through the 16th. Would you welcome, mr. Humble, buddy rich . [ applause ] [ music ] well, how are ya . Terrific, thank you. Youre lookin good. This guy was out tonight. I had my buddy rich injection. You hit it outta there. I think ill buy a lid from ya, man. Where you been, travelin all over the world . Yeah, weve been all over the place, as usual, doin one nighters. Youre one of the few bands outside of basey, i guess, that still travels. Woody herman. Woody. We just closed at the westbury theater in long island. We were there with mina fergusons band. There were two bands on the stage. But there arent many anymore, are there . No, theres woody, maynard, our band, lawrence welk, and a few others. Its true, they do go on. Yeah. But a lot of people think, and it probably wont happen, that those days are comin back again. I donan i like the new things that are going on. Yeah. Yeah, much better, much more exciting, the audiences are better, the musicians are better i think, and the attitude. Where do you find all these Young Musicians . I dont know guys you have in your band, the average is about 21. No, about 2324, somethin like that. And most of the guys have been with other bands, they come out of Berkley School of music in boston, texas, all around. Yeah. Bars. Youre a tough task master, arent ya . No, im very easy. Oh. Just work. I remember one night now, you mellowed out a little bit. We both mellowed, you know, as you get a little older. Youre supposed to mellow, right . No. I saw you some years ago. Do you remember this . You called out Something Like 28, whatever the book was, and one of the guys in the band said, ugh. He wasnt particularly fond of playing 28 again. I guess hed had it, you know . I fired him . You fired him right there as he was sitting there. Right. And you hired him back after the next set. And he fired me . I dont wanna play that, and you said, youre fired i said, youre right in the middle of a set. Yeah. Well, you cant have that kind of mutiny in the band, you know . Theres only one leader. Thats right. Right . Is that so . [ laughter ] see tommy, how hes got him in his power right there, is that so . Ultra smooth. Did you hang out mainly with that weve known each other a long time, 20 some years. But do you hang out mainly with musicians . No, not really. I dont do much hanging out, when the job is over, you work very hard, youve traveled 400 miles in a day and then played a couple of hours a night, you dont feel like hanging out too much. Yeah. What really steams you when youre on the road . Lately, on the road is really horrendous. The attitude of most of the people in hotels and airlines are just forget about it. Youre paying top dollar, and youre getting served with you order a steak, and you get served on a plastic plate, and you have the knife and it cuts right through the plate. It the plastic plate. You know. Little packs of salt and pepper, and it gets all over ya. And they think theyre doin the right thing. Its you know, with me its really tough. I get hysterical. Dont send a packet of ketchup, send the bottle up, you know. Oh, you mean those Little Things . Yeah, they squirt all over ya and you look like you just cut yourself in half. [ applause ] i wanna find the man who thought of wrapping saltines without taking them and just pounding the whole package and pouring it out just as dust. Yes, its really bad, its really bad. And of course, the 55 mile speed limit doesnt help any when you have 400 miles to go, and everybodys doing 70 anyhow. You know, the whole thing is insane. Yeah, the other day i was out trying to make a big social point here, but i was driving in from the ventura freeway, so i figured i just want to find out whats going on, and i got in the left hand lane if youre gonna get in the left hand lane, folks, and drive 55, you are going to be screamed at, from their car at you if you dont get over. Its really nuts. So, finally, i was up to 65, which was the speed limit a few years ago, and people were still goin by in the left hand lane, and finally i got the hell over to the right. Well, we played disneyland a few months ago. We were doin 70 on the highway, you know, cops passin by waving. Over a wave like this, you know, move over. But i find that really tough to take. The bus has to go at 55, we have to drive at 55, you know . And you get to the job and everybodys like busted out, everybody sounds like doc. Only tonight. Yeah, what is it, doc . What is what . Besides the stuffing in the turkey, what are you doing . He was just reminiscing things. Im gonna have smoked turkey tomorrow, boy. Ill come over and smoke it with you. Yeah. I just cant figure out how to keep it lit. Smoke one for me. You light both ends. Thats how you do it, man. Smoke with all of em. You get on one end, ill get on the other. Thats gonna be a happy thanksgiving tomorrow in our home, i can tell ya. Well take a break, were comin back. You gonna play somethin for us tonight . Do you feel in the mood . Sure, ill play some drums [ music ] i think Eddie Shaughnessy has lent buddy the drums. Whatever. [ applause ] [ music ] yeah, yeah, yeah. [ cheering and applause ] and well be back in a moment with Kelly Monteith, Tommy Thompson, the place we were just talkin about, are you going to or did you just finish that . No, we just played a place in albany called j. B. s and its just a dynamite place. Other bands who may be going to albany, be sure you play that club. Is it cold up there now . No, as a matter of fact, new york weather is beautiful. It was 68 when i left there yesterday. Oh, thats gorgeous. It was really great. Heres a good friend of ours. Hes been on the show many times, very funny guy, and hes gonna be appearing in carbondale, illinois, november the december the 10th. Not november 10th, that was sometime ago. And he opens at the Aladdin Hotel in las veg through the 19th. Would you welcome Kelly Monteith . [ applause ] thank you. Carbondale, huh . We have some people i didnt think wed have anybody from carbondale. I dont know where ill be there, but im gonna be in carbondale. Nice to have you all here on thanksgiving. Big day tomorrow, huh . Its when all the families, and mom and pop and the kids college kids dont mind comin home stoned for. [ applause ] see, theyre not paranoid because they know none of their relatives are gonna notice, you know . Because their relatives are there goin, look at wally eat hes like a man possessed. Its his third turkey. [ sparse laughter ] christmas is comin up, right around the corner, christmas is. Actually, you know, thats when television really comes in handy because it parades all this merchandise in front of ya, and its really kind of nice because it gives you a chance to sit back at your house. I do that, and i kind of assess the products that im gonna buy. Like this one watch commercial that they always have on. You know, the watch keeps on ticking. You know the ones where they have all the testimonials from all the people. Well, i was out plowin my field one day, i looked down in the farrow and i found my timex watch i lost a year and a half ago and it was still tickin. I was workin in my garden and i hit somethin metal with a trowel, and it was a timex watch and it was still tickin. I was out fishin one afternoon, i saw somethin shiny in the stream and i picked it up and it was a timex watch and it was still tickin. Which leads me to believe they make great watches, but real crappy watch bands. [ applause ] i mean, what the hells the use of havin a good watch if the sucker keepll you know. Hey, check out my watch my watch what happened to my watch . I had it this morning when i plowed. What happened. [ sparse laughter ] i like to spend holidays at home, though. Its a treat for me to spend holidays with my family because for years i used to travel by myself and spend a lot of time alone, boy, on christmas and thanksgiving, which you get used to. You know, i guess id be classified as a loner. Its not always a word i like to use about myself, though. A loner. That always fits the description you know . Every time i ever read about one guy on the loose, hes white, late 20s to early 30s, light brown hair, and a loner. And im always just close enough to that artist conception, you know . Oh, thats me, boy some civic minded nut will be out there, there he is. Whatd you shoot him for . He was alone, that guy. [ laughter and applause ] then theyd print my middle name, see, because they always do that with criminals. You ever notice that . Somethin about three names that denotes trouble to me, and i dont think im too far off base because i look at all of those infamous people we know by three names. Guys like james earl ray, lee harvey oswald, jack the ripper. [ laughter ] its always three names, but on the other hand it seems like the more contribution you make to society, the less names you need to be known by, see . Because i look at all those heavy weight people we know by one name. You know, edison, roosevelt, churchill. One name. Hey, who shot lincoln . John wilkes booth. [ laughter ] whatd he look like . White, late 20s to early 30s, light brown hair, and a loner. [ laughter ] but its funny how we honor the heroes that we have. You see, what we do, well name like a street or a building or a square after em. I never thought that was much of an honor, you know . It might be at the time. You know, they say, we really like what you did, youre really a hero here, so were gonna name thit after ya, ya see . And its a real nice square at the time, but after a while years go by and pretty soon the neighborhood starts to decay and go downhill, and then the seedy element moves in and shady characters are hangin around and bums and winos, see . And the next thing you know, people dont even remember your name for what you did, you know, they just associate your name for some god awful part of town. Terrible way to be remembered, you know . Hey, how do i get to Monteith Square . Monteith square . Well, you go down there about its the only people that come out of there alive. Go down there about 10, 15 blocks. Youll know youre gettin close when you start hearin gunfire. [ laughter ] thats why people dont wanna be heroes today, i guess. Because i keep readin theres a scarcity of contemporary heroes, which is really important to have, you know . I remember in school they would always emphasize the heroes from the past, but the trouble with that was that you never really saw them as human beings. You know, they portrayed them almost as gods, so that when you found o some human failing, you know, it would just be devastating, youd be crushed, you know . cause heres some guy that you idolize cause he did this and designed that and built this and sculpted those and painted this and wrote that book and invented that. You think, my god, this guy was a genius, he was a god, he mustve died of overwork. Naw, drank himself to death. What . Well, if the booze hadnt of got him, the syphilis would have. [ laughter ] he had syphilis . C