. Your place, oh, baby face . . Ill go. . Oh, no, archie. You aint gonna wear your sweater to glorias house. Is is thanksgivin dinner. Youre gonna wear your best suit. The turkey aint gonna know the difference, edith. Archie. Edith, when i get dressed, i am dressed. Oh, no, youre gonna look. I dont believe whats happenin here. What are you doin . Edith this is a new high in low. Youre wearing your nice new dark blue suit. What do you mean my dark blue suit . Im goin over there to eat, not to get buried. Oh, please. Aw, jeez, goin over there, gettin dressed up just to eat with the daughter. Manys the time she ate with us wearin nothin but a diaper. Well, it wont hurt you to get dressed up once a year. Oh, look, youre puttin a tie around me, too. What do i need a tie for . The only thing i ever see around the meatheads neck is a napkin. Oh, archie, all right, important. Get out of here, will you . Get yourself dressed. Oh, yeah. And then you fold the clams into the sour cream. But if you like a lot of clams, you could fold the clams. The sour cream into the clams. I dont know why im makin this. My dog buster doesnt even like clam dip. Th. sputtering who is that . The father of your baby. Hey, george. exclaims hey, the baby kicked. Yeah. Gee, ii wonder if i can hear him. Oh, dont look, edith. Dad what the hell is he doin . When am i gonna see you doin somethin that gives me a lift . Happy thanksgiving. Oh, hi, ma. Happy thanksgiving. Now, this is some apple and this is pumpkin. Oh, thats great. Oh, ma. Hey, the two of you look terrific. Gee, you didnt have to get all dressed up, archie. Yes, i did. She forced me. Why, you look handsome, daddy. All right. Here, for you. They come back to us tomorrow. Grandma bunkers silver candle stands. Because this is a very special occasion. Oh, thanks, ma. I promise to take good care of em. Here, honey. Everybody get out of my kitchen. Dinner will be ready soon. Yeah, yeah, well, lets go. Can i help you, gloria . No, ma, i got it all under control. Oh, it smells so good. Archie all right. Oh, aint this beautiful . Okay. Yeah, were having buffet. I thought we was having turkey. Hey, arch, why dont you try some of this clam dip . You got any of that . Come on, arch. Try some of the cauliflower. Cauliflower aint cooked. Hes a goat. Wouldnt it be wonderful if the baby got here by christmas . Yeah. Hey, id like to see him sooner. Hey, maybe you could spring him early for good behavior, huh . Daddy, your cigars stinkin up the house. Oh, come on. Oh, i cant wait to take her to the zoo and put her on the pony ride. And maybe on sundays i could take her to church. , you could take him to the park, ma. After church . Uh, no, no. Instead of. Oh. What do you mean the park . Who is the kid gonna say prayers in the park to, a water fountain . Why not . As far as im concerned it makes as much sense than any other kind of prayers. Wait a minute. Wait a minute there. Just because youre an atheist, you know, dont mean that my grandchilds got to be gypped out of his religion. Thats right, mike. Older, theyre having too much fun to be religious. Ma, weve decided to try not to influence our child on religion cause, you know, first we wanna let him make up his own mind. Whoa, ho, ho, ho. Now, thats where you are 100 wrongo, little girl. The parents got to influence their kids minds, is when theyre young. Got to teach him to learn the right things, see. E dear old usa, to defend american shores in all foreign countries. Is there anything else he should know . Sure. Theres a lot of other Little Things. To use his dukes right. To walk fast through the puerto rican neighborhoods. Arch, i think youre forgettin to teach him the most important thing. Yeah. What . To never listen to his grandfather. Now, now, little girl. Now, let me, let me. Aw. Give me that. All right. Dododont flush it out over here. All right. Easy on that. Now, hhhow far along are you now . Eight months. All right. Now, how long youve been livin over here in the colored house . Daddy how long . Six months. All right. Youve proved my point, see. The baby got started over there in our house. Thats a good godfearin protestant house, so that makes him a christian, ipso fatso. Ide of mcdonalds. What would that make him, an ipso fatso hamburger . In a parking lot . You dirty guy, you. Hey, as a matter of fact, our baby was conceived in leo and mariams bungalow. Hey, theyre jewish, so according to daddy, were gonna have to send him to hebrew school. Come on. Yeah, thats a great idea. Sammy davis. And hed do anything for laughs. You just do what i tell you, little girl. Daddy, it is up to michael and me, and weve decided to let our own child make up his own mind about religion. Thats tellin him, fat lady. Thank you, honey. I better go baste the turkey. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Stay here. Oh, no, gloria. Ill baste the turkey. Uh, thanks, ma. Listen. Listen. Im warning youse two. You mend your ways, ound by a lot of little red devils with pitch forks who wanna baste you. What is all this about bein afraid of god . I was taught in sunday school that god loves everybody. Oh, he does, unless you rub him the wrong way. You do that, he sends down plagues after you, like he done with them ancient egyptian kings, the ferryos. Just tell me one thing, just one thing, arch . Is that what you want for our child, to worship a god who you depict as cruel and merciless . A civilian tongue in your head because the lord can hear and he knows whats goin on every place, every time. Youse two got to show some respect for him. Get away from me. Oh, wait, wait. All right, all right. Assuming there is a god, which i am not. Assuming there is. You say he is everywhere . Yes. And he knows everything . Yes. Well, then, he would know what was in my heart. He knows you dont believe in him. No, but if i did believe in him, archie, id believe in him becausebecause hes aa loving and forgiving god. He wont forgive you for bein an atheist, buddy. He would forgive me anything. Sure, he would. sputters to you. He. Hed even forgive me for doin that. sputters what, for goin. To me . sputters no, for going. To him. Wow wow you better find a tailor who can measure you for a lightin rod, buddy. You know what he just said here. He said it, lord, not me. Did you hear this . You better watch your step. God forgive you. Ive never seen a man so low and depaved that he would go. sputters to the lord. Arch, it doesnt make any difference. If i believed in god, i wouldnt go. To god. Youve done it again. But i dont believe in him so i went. To nobody. Youve done it again. Im gettin the hell out of here. Oh, archie, youre missing the point. Daddy oh, no. Come on, edith, were goin home. We aint had dinner yet. I aint gonna have dinner. Im scared to eat in this house. You know what that meathead just done . He give the bronx cheer to the lord, so help me. And hes gonna bring up our grandson to do the same thing. Oh, archie. Come on, edith. Come with me, and dont look back. Youll be turned into a pillow of salt. Well be back. Gloria yeah. Yes, ma. Sure. That sounds fair enough. Running out of here and hell come back over here, if youll apologize for giving god the raspberry. Gloria, i didnt give god the raspberry. You saw what i did. Michael, please apologize. Gloria, gloria, please dont start that. You know i cant handle tears. Im pregnant and i get upset easily, and you know how hard i worked on that dinner. Why should i apologize to archie when hes wrong . crying gloria, what kind of man would i be hildren . crying who would who would who would honor a man like that . I wouldnt, you wouldnt, our child wouldnt. crying arch, i apologize. You happy . Its thanksgiving and you made me eat crow. Michael, honey. Please. Try to get along with daddy. How can i, gloria . The mans mind is a oneway street leading to a deadend. Just avoid arguments. Michael, youre very bright. You know the three subjects you should never discuss with him. Religion, politics or anything else. All right, all right. Ill try to do my best but im not promising anything. Now, when they go out, and hes losin his temper, she just warns him by givin him a lovely, little playful tug on his ear like that. Its a wonder he doesnt look like dumbo. Sweetheart, it works. So if i see that youre gonna lose control tonight, ill just tug on your ear and thatll mean, i love you, sweetheart, but shut up. doorbell ringing here, they are. Okay, ill get it. Irene. How indians spend thanksgiving with pilgrims, bring firewater. Oh, you look terrific. Mike irene. Honey, look what she brought us. Yeah, thats nice. Now we dont have to drink the cheap stuff i bought. Hey, the place is really shaping up, and so are you, little mother. edith shouting gloria ma. Hi, ma. Hi, daddy, give me that. Aw, jeez. Oh, irene, you look beautiful. You like this . Yeah, when is she gonna read the tea leaves . Was that a compliment . Sure, its thanksgivin. Arch, irene brought us some nice wine. Yeah, i see that. But to this house, i couldve wished youd have brung some christian brothers. Archie. No, no, no, no, religious offensing thing. Tada. Edith oh. Oh, hey. Everybody serve yourself. Archie lets go. No legs for me. You can never tell where a birds been walking. Im starved. Honey, dont forget the sweet candied yams. Give me some of them yams. Yeah, daddy, i got mashed potatoes there for you. Youre in my way there. Im trying to get the yams. Honey, make sure you get some dressing. Yeah, give me some dressing. Oh, its beautiful. Daddy, ive made your favorite baby peas with onions. Im staying there. Have you got any cranberry sauce, little girl . Oh, yeah, daddy. Look, i made it myself. Oh, aint you got none of the real kind that slides out of the can . Try it. Ill have it later with my ice cream. There we go. Give me some more of this turkey here. Oh, look at this. Hes a human derrick, here. Hey hey hey hey grunts uh. laughing very funny, arch, human derrick. Hes a liar. Hey, dont forget, everybody, we got wine here. Here, let me pour the wine, irene. All right, where do we go now . Nice. Hey, here. Arch, uh, thats my place over there. Well, take the plate over there. Whats the difference . Hey, irene, i always wanted to ask you. How long do youse catholics got to count your beads to find out how many youse got . The beads help us pray, archie. Yeah. What do you pray about . Bigots. Is that a little shot . Sure, its thanksgiving. Gloria, let me help you down. Thank you. One, two, three. Ready. One. There we go. All right, everybody, lets eat. Yeah. Hey. Wait, wait, wait. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Hold. Hey, hey, hey, hold it here. You aint gonna eat nothin here without sayin the grace first. Grace . Wait just a. Larly religious. Even an atheist can say grace. Its just thankin, uh, Mother Nature whose first name happens to be grace. Grace nature . Archie you got it there, buddy. Archie, maybe we can skip grace, tonight, huh . Yeah, weve been skippin it all year. You never say it at home. All right, all right, all right, then. The hell with grace. Wait. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute now. All right, even so, gonna have a little quotation from the bible here. Oh, god. Oh, daddy, dinners gonna get cold. Dont worry, little girl. The lord will keep it hot for you. Now, this is from my new testament. You hear that . New. That means that everything in here is good today. Cut that out, will you . Its my lucky bible here in the world war. Ww ii. I wouldnt be sittin here today if i hadnt been wearin that bible in my back pocket. And that tells us where your religion is. Ow he saw me up there. Now, this little quotation fits certain people sittin at this table here tonight. Romans 14, two dots 23. And he that doubteth is damned if he eat. Wow and the text for this evenings service is lets all pray that our host mike stivic goes to hell. You said that better than the bible. Do you know that hurts me . How do you like that, if i do that to you a little bit . Now heres the other quotation. Oh, daddy, come on. Well, even so, little girl. My grandchild is layin over there inside you with his little ears pressed to the walls there. And he is going to hear the word of god on thanksgivin whether that meathead likes it or not. Well, i dont like it. No, no, no, no. You can pull my ear till it falls off. Thats it, ive had it. Now, this is my house, its gonna be my child, and no one is gonna force his religious beliefs on this family. Oh, sit down in your chair and shut up. Yeah, and thats another thing. Get out of my chair. Ill not only get out of your chair, ill get out of your house. Good goodbye. Archie yeah, mike, so long. Daddy archie i dont have to stay here. Daddy, please. For us. Stay. Come on. Next to me, your little sweetheart. Now. There, see . I never sat at this end of the table my whole life. Your knife, dear. Stupidest thing ive ever seen. A grown man hoggin one chair for himself. Its just we dont want you forcin religion on us tonight. Listen, nobodys forcin religion on you. Were all just calmly tryin to talk a little sense into this guy here. Wait. Wait a second, wait a second. We . Whowhos we . All of us four godfearers here exceptin you. We dont agree that the child should be brought up with no religion. Well, why dont we just take a little vote on that . I say that a parent has the right to raise his child any way he pleases. And if we wanna raise our child to believe whatever he wants to believe, thats our business. Whos with me on that . Let me see some hands. Do i see a hand goin up there . I cant believe what im seein. Okay. Do whatever youse want. You wanna raise him an atheist, go ahead. Raise him a luferan if you want. Raise him a norman with seven wives. A holy roller, a seventhday adventurer. Anything you want. I dont give a damn cause im gettin the hell out of here. Daddy and im goin out that way. I wouldnt be seen leavin the front door of this den of inquisitry. Oh, archie. No, no, edith, its too late. Too late. Oh, archie, archie. I dont care. No, edith. Archie, please dont leave. cause hes gonna grow up with a lot of love. Oh, and no religion, huh . We dont know that. Mike just said they was gonna let him make up his own mind. And whatever he decides, hes still gonna be one of gods children. Archie, it aint in our hands. Come here. Come here. Yeah, come to think of it, why spoil our little girls thanksgiving dinner, not to mention my own, over this . Oh. Yeah. cause well be takin our little grandson to the parks every sunday, put him on the swing. Thatll be nice. Yeah. Only, he aint goin on no swing. No . Where will he go . He will go to church. Oh, no. I dont care. Were gonna raise that grandson of ours a christian if we gotta break every commandment to do it okay, okay. Youse can go back to enjoyin your dinner now because here i am again. Whats the matter with you, meathead . Go ahead and eat. There, take your fork and eat. Dont worry about me. You win, buddy, you win. Their faces in the morning when i wake them up. The first thing you think about is your wife and your kids and your family. You think about what life would be like for them, without you. So i had surgery locally, and it came back after my follow up that i needed a second surgery. And thats when i said i need a second opinion. From the moment i walked through the doors, they greet you, theyre smiling and i love the luded me in the whole process and asked me what i wanted to do. It makes you feel like youre part of the family. Rod came in with ah, pretty advanced cancer and i remember thinking, hes just like me, hes like my twin. Were almost the same age, the same height hes much more athletic but almost the same life circumstances as far as having kids and raising a family, he just happens to have cancer. For rod, we combined chemotherapy, i feel like this was the right way for me, and the right treatment for me, and the right process for me to go through. The diagnosis of cancer is one of those things that you want an answer now. We can do now here, and that is something that they appreciate because we match the sense of urgency that they have. If you or a loved one have been diagnosed with cancer, start your treatment with a team of experts who only treat cancer, every stage, every day. At Cancer Treatment centers of america, its not one thing we do, its the only thing we do. Call or visit cancercenter. Com for more information. Its a new normal for me right now, makes you appreciate the Little Things in life. Every moment counts. The evolution of cancer care is here. Cancer Treatment Centers of america. Appointments available now. You do all this research on a perfect car, es your rates. Maybe you shouldve done more research on them. For drivers with accident forgiveness, Liberty Mutual wont raise your rates due to your first accident. And if you do have an accident, our claims centers are available to assist you 24 7. Call for a free quote today. Liberty stands with you . Liberty mutual insurance. Male announcer all in the family was recorded on tape . Good times . . Anytime you need a friend . . Good times . . Anytime youre out from under . . Not getting hassled, not getting hustled . . Keeping your head above water . . Making a wave when you can . . Temporary layoffs . . Good times . . Easy credit ripoffs . . Good times . . Scratching and surviving . . Good times . . Hanging in a chow line . . Good times . . Aint we lucky we got em . . . Good times