U stopped cooking, too . What do you mean, too . Well, you dont do nothing else. Oh, phht. I do everything here. I load the truck. I make the pickups. I do the inventory. What do you do . Coordinate. You coordinate. You sleep on the couch all day. Thats right. Im an interior coordinator. Well, why dont you forget about business for a little while and get you a girl to take out and have some fun. I dont think i have the strength, pop. You got a girl . Yeah. Well, i got the strength. Whats her number . [knocking on door] you know, i dont understand it, man. Because ive been working hard all day, and i come and i dont understand this. Hey, ju. Hey, lamont, man. Hows it goin . All right. Mr. Sanford, beunas noches. Buenas noches. Hey, that means good night, dont it . Right. Well, good night, so long, and ill see you at the next revolution. Hey, pop, would you leave julio alone . No, thats all right, man. Whenever he says things like that, i just turn the other cheek. Hey, lamont, i just came by to tell you, man. I cant make that movie tonight. Whats up . Oh, im just too tired, man. You know, i drove over 200 miles making pickups today. 200 miles . Youve been to tijuana. Now where are they . Who . Them wetbacks. Hey, lamont, well make the movie some other time, ok . Ok, its been a hard day for me, too. Look, why dont you grab a squat before you split . Great. Hey, you know something, man . It seems like every day is a hard day on this job, man. Thats funny. Thats the same thing i ask myself. Why did julio get into the junk business . Why is he living next door to us . Why is he smuggling wetbacks into america . Come on, mr. Sanford. You know what im talking about, man. Running a junkyard is a rough business, man. Especially when its a oneman operation like mine. Hey, dont feel like the lone ranger, julio. Ours is a oneman operation, too. [knocking on door] long day, brother. Hey, come on in, fellas. [all talking at once] say, why dont you guys have a seat . No, we cant stay too long. We came by for some parts for our squad car. Here . Whats wrong with the Police Garage . Yes, well, under the circumstances, we thought it best not to advise them of the circumstances surrounding the circumstances, if you know what i mean. No. What does he mean . Somebody stole all our hubcaps. Hey, did you get to see the guy who did it . We had the windows rolled up. You mean to tell me they ripped you off while you was in the car . Thats right. [snickers] im gonna get you some hubcaps. Uh, mr. Sanford, uh, what will be the cost of those hubcaps . Lets see. Thats 2. 00 each, so thatll be hey, 2. 00 each . Thats too much, man. I mean, i got hubcaps for 1. 50. You can have the set for 6. 00 uh, 5. 50, ill let you have em. 5. 00. 2. 75. Hey, wait a minute, pop. What are you doing . Just back out the way. Youre in the middle of a junk war. 2. 50. 2. 25. 2. 00. 2. 00 . Thats right. 2. 00, man. Hell, ill take them myself. You must be out of your mind, man. Do i look like im crazy . Thats my price to them, not you. What do you mean to them . Aint my money good enough . [all shouting at once] [whistles loudly] youre both hey, wait a second. Hey, fellas, what about your hubcaps, man . Well, we decided to go to goldsteins across the street. Goldstein im glad you agree, mr. Sanford. I mean, after all, youre both friends of ours, and we wouldnt want to be accused of playing favorites, so were just gonna cut off. Out. Oh, yeah, cut out. Right. But if i might be allowed to make one suggestion, that suggestion might be that you guys look to officer smith and myself as an example to the future. Come on, hoppy. Uh, wait a minute. Wait a minute. I am referring to teamwork. Teamwork . Thats right, teamwork. Instead of hurting each other, you could be helping each other, right, smitty . Just let me illustrate my point musically. . You see, wherever we go, whatever we do . . You know that we do it together . . Wherever . Just get in the car. Get in t car now, what was he talking about . I know what he was talking about, and i dont know why i didnt ink of it sooner. Think of what . Are you thinking what im thinking . Im right with you, man. Talk to me. Think of what . If we had done this a long time ago, wed probably have a lot of money now. Think of what . We could share the work, man. We wouldnt have to put in 12hour days anymore, huh . Think of what . And by not competing, we wouldnt lose sales like we just did. Uh, think of what . We pool our resources, man. We could advertise on tv. Think of what . both merger merger . With him . Yeah, what do you think of it, pop . E state of the economy rules out merger as opposed to private enterprise. Then, on the other hand, theres a better merger. You see, all i have to do is merge these knuckles with your 32 teeth. Now, thats a merger. [indistinct] now, look, were making the right move, man. Youre the guy that told me yourself that i should take a vacation, right . Well, now ill be able to do that, and so will you. Me . Yes. When were not here to watch the business, and whos gonna watch julio . Pop, julios completely trustworthy, man. A guy that owns a goat cant be all bad. And besides, hes got a lot of good ideas. He said that if the business works out, we could even sell franchises. You mean like them hamburger places . Exactly. Well, whatre we gonna call it junk in the box . Sign . What sign . For our new name, man. Fuentes and sanford vaya uh, shouldnt that be sanford and fuentes . No, man. You see, f comes before s. And besides, fuentes is such a beautiful name. I mean, fuentes. Vaya. As opposed to sanford. I mean, fuentes means fountains nford means without ford. I mean. It also means without teeth. Ok, sanford and fuentes. Thats settled, man. One name each. 50 50. Beautiful. Hold tight. 50 50 . Yeah. Uh, thats a little wrong, see, because theres 2 of us, and theres only one of you. It should be 1 2 and 2 3. Wait a second. I got just as much junk as you got. Yeah, i know, see, but we see, theres 2 of us. You get a whole profit to yourself. 1 3 and 2 3. Thatd give us the controlling vote to form a power block. And the first thing im gonna vote on, is to power you out the block. Hey, thats enough. Now, would you dig yourself, pop . Hey, wait a second, lamont. You shouldnt talk to him like that, man. If you dont mind, julio, this is between me and my pop. Oh, yeah, i know its between you and your father, man. But hes also my partner, man, and i dont think anybody should be yelling at my partner like that. Youyou tell him, julio. All right. Hey, come on. Lets go outside and tear the fence down. Great, man. Tear the fence down . No, wait a minute. Not my fence. Not the one i built with your own 2 hands. Sorry, mr. Sanford, but one business, one yard. Oh, elizabeth. Oh, honey. Did you hear that . Im coming, darlin. I lost my son and my business in the same day. Its them puerto ricans. You give em a toe, they take a foot. You give em a foot, they take an ankle. Im comin to join you, honey, john, were giving you a raise. Thats fantastic but im gonna pass. Are you ok . Honey, you got another present. No thank you, dad. Who says no to more . Time warner cable internet gives you more of what you and those little data hoggers want. Thats 50x faster than dsl. This Internet Speed is sick. Get 50 meg internet starting at 39. 99 a month. Call now. And with home wifi, the whole family can be online at once. G reat for kids to stream scary shows while not cleaning their room. Youll also get our exclusive 1hour arrival window, a moneyback guarantee, and theres no contract to sign. Get 50 meg internet with no data cap starting at 39. 99 a month. Plus, free installation and access to. Would rex pass up more beef stew . I dont think so. Hey, wait. Thats funny. Hey, mr. Sanford fred yeah . Oh, yeah. Remember that radiator we sold yesterday . Uhhuh. Yeah, we got, uh, 20 for that, didnt we . Yeah, 20 big ones. 20. Yeah, well, how come in the sales record here you got it marked 10 . Uh, i always do that. And i expect you to do the same. Whenever i sell something for 20, i put down 10, so that means the tax man gets zero. Ha ha ha ha vaya, man. Thats really great. You know, partner. Fred call me mr. Sanford. Oh. Ok, mr. Sanford. I was thinking. You remind me a little of my father, you know that . Yeah, he had a good head for business, man. I mean, he knew how to wheel and deal. You know what i mean . Yeah, i know what you mean. Just like you, mr. Sanford. Uh, call me fred. Oh, thanks, fred. [telephone ringing] oh, ill get it. Fred. Julio fuentes, big time tycoon. Sanford and fuentes. Oh, yeah, yeah. Channel 14, right. Oh, thats great. Yeah, thats right. I talked to you before, yeah. Ok, well have it for you by next week. Thank you very much. Goodbye. Who was that, ju . Hey, man, that was a tv station channel 14, man. They said that its gonna cost us 90 the late movie. Hey, beautiful. Hey, we can handle that, cant we, pop . Sure we can. Dont cost us but 45 bucks. Hey, hey, wait, wait. You got 2 3 interest, right . So that means 2 of you gotta pay 60. I pay 30. Thats 2 3, right . Oh, no, no. You got that wrong. See, thats when youre sharing the profits, see. The expenses are different. Well, how do you figure that, man . Its just business mathematics. Its the law of the of the triangle. See, uh, you have one piece over here, and we have 2 pieces. See, we put our 2 pieces together, and it comes to a point. So shove that point in your ear. Hey, pop, would you stop fooling around when were trying to do business here . Hey, he didnt mean nothing by it, man. I told you, man, dont say nasty words to my partner. And i told you that hes my pop first and your partner second. Hey, lamont, listen, man wait, i dont have to [both shouting at once] wait a minute, now. To me. Lets settle this thing calmly, like gentlemen. Son, punch him in the mouth. You know, this is silly, man. Thats right. I dont even know what were arguing about. I dont either, man. We shouldnt argue like this. Ill tell you, ill get back to the sales record. Ok, ok. Im gonna get rollo on the phone. Rollo . Yeah. Yeah, see, hes got a camera, and he volunteered to do the tv commercial for us. When the makes the movie. I know what kind of movie hes gonna make. Im gonna have to undress. No, you wont. I will. Ill have to pose in different positions. You will not. Ill have to wear a mask so my friends wont know me. I can see it now. Channel 10 presents fred sanford, starring in deep junk. Over here, and you can shoot from there. Yeah, thatll be perfect. Well get everything. Hey, pop. Id like for you to meet haywood jones. He teaches a film class over here in the community. Hayw is my pop. How do you do, sir . Sir . I like a guy that calls me sir. Well, thank you very much. Excuse me, haywood. Is this the camera here . Yes, i want to be sure everything sells. All set, huh . Everything is under control, huh . Werewere all set, all set. And any special instructions . Uh, yeah. When you start out, just get the camera tight in on my face. Im gonna do the commercial, man. It was my idea, remember . Yeah, see, i know it was your idea, but, see, julio, im the one that took the acting lessons. And i didnt want to bring this up, but you got an accent. Who got an accent . I aint got no accent. Yes, you do, julio. No, i dont, man. Everybody understands me, right . Right, mr. Sanford . Huh . Hey, uh, thats it. Lets just get the camera rolling. Wait a second, man. Lets talk about this. [both shouting at once] llas, hold it. Why dont we just ask the senior partner . What do you say, mr. Sanford . I say forget them two. Im doing the commercial. What . You . Yeah. Because, see, i got something them two dont have. What . Becaa beard. , so what i got something does that mean . M two dont have. Well, people respect a middleaged guy with a beard. Now, take Abraham Lincoln and moses and and wolfman jack. Wolfman . Wolfman jack . Maybe hes got something, lamont. Maybe hes right. I know, i know. Here, hold these cards here. And hold em steady so i can read em. Now, yall back up over there a little bit. No, back up out the way. You ready now, mr. Sanford . Yeah, im ready. Roll em there. Would you get back . Roll em slate. And action uh oh, hold it. Hold it. Cut it. Whats the matter, mr. Sanford . I forgot my props. [all talking at once] wait a second. Forget the props. See, while hes gone, get the camera in here. Se e, app it from over her. Approach over there . Fred thats it. Ok . Im ready now. You all set, mr. Sanford . Ok, very good. Stand by. Roll em back out the way. Aw, man. Please back up out the way. Action hi. Youre probably wondering what this junk is doing in the white boys camp. Lamont wait a minute. Hold it. Cut. Cut. What are you doin . Well, i saw steve allen do this on tv, and he sold a lot of cars. Maybe you should just tell it like it is, you know. I mean, straight and simple. Ok, ok. Ok, stand by. Roll em and action hi, im fred. Fly me to junk city. Wait a minute cut it. Wait a second. Man, wait. I dont know. I dont understand whats going on, man. Would you stop fooling around . [all talking at once] now, back on out the way. Give me some action. Uh, as i was saying, my name is fred sanford, and im president of sanford and fuentes. [speaking spanish] wait a minute cut whats the matter . D he donno help from you im not helping, man. Im translating for our chicano viewers. Go on, fred. Youre doing great, man. Get out the way. Folks, this is our junkyard here a giant supermarket of junk. E got more junk than we know what to do with. [speaking spanish] if we lined all this stuff up end to end, it would reach from here to yugoslavia. [speaking spanish] you gotta see it, folks, to believe it. This is the place to make a better dear. [speaking spanish] a fat lip . [speaking spanish] [indistinct] all right, will you keep quiet, please . Can i talk, man . Can i Say Something . Just back up out the way folks, wed like you to come down and see for yourself. We got everything you want right here refrigerator, stove, car parts. Everything you need, right here. Pean so you looking cash or credit. New customers or old. No down paymtr verans. ve been in a gang fight. [speaking spanish] well take care of you and contact your insurance right here. If you lose a leg, well help you find your leg. Here, folks, is just one letter that wce [speaking spanish] uh. Dear mr. Sanford and fuentes. [speaking spanish] we are satisfied with our junk. Many people have commented site junk such as ours. We have always been treating kindly, with respect. And we are very grateful for your Swimming Pool because our son john has no fear of the water or junk anymore. Thank you so [all shouting at once] hold it down. See, we had it going nice, too. What do you want . What do i want . Look at this can be in the commercial, too. Now, just go ahead and roll em, haywood, and you tell em who i am. Just keep it rolling. Uh, friends. Id like you to meet somebody very close to me. This is my dog spot. [speaking spanish] uh, hello, out there. Uh, im lamont, and im one of the people here. [speaking spanish] both will you shut up . You shut up. Why should i shut up . You dont tell my son to shut up. You shut up. And you shut up and stay out of this. T oft. All right, thats it hold it hold it hold it i mean, you guys are crazy you with your dumb tress and your white boys camp. You with that yoyo tie. And you with the junkeria how are you gonna make a commercial . Its not right thats not right dont do that. Whoa roll em roll em [all talking at once] 3 days after that commercial, and not one customer yet. You seen anybody . I nt seen nody, julio. But then that commercial wasnt exactly the best one in the world, man. Especially when the director started swimming in the pool. Ha ha hey, you know, thats the first time weve laughed together in a week, man. I know. Hey, what should we do with this sign . Oh, man, i dont know. You keep it. I dont want it. I dont know. What do you want to do with it . Lets burn it. Yeah, man, right. Thats the first thing we agreed on since before the merger. You know, its too bad that we had to ve partnership to be friends agai i know. You know, i think thats right what they say, man, that friends should not go into business together. Thats true, man. Ive heard that a lot of times before. Dig it. G well, i see you two are talking. Thats true, man. Ive heard that a lot of times before. And thats the way dig it. Its gonna beell, i see you two from nn, are talking oh, it think im gonna get sick. But you do make a lovely couple. Tweedleydee and tweedleydummy. Listen, julio. Why dont you gather up your stu ff right. Hey, uh, ill help you sort out your stuff, julio. You dont have to help him sort out nothin. I know everything thats his. That brown rug over there with the stain on it, and this decorator lamp, and this chair with the back out and this stuff coming out of it, and that muffin pan. And this washboard. Now, thats all. Now, get your stuff, and take it back where you got it from [no audio] attention are you eligible for medicare . The medicare enrollment deadline is just a few weeks away. Changes to medicare plans could impact your healthcare costs. Are you getting all the benefits available to you . New plans are now available that could increase your benefits and lower how much you pay out of pocket. 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Call this number by the deadline. And let healthmarkets find the right medicare tidy bowl. Hey, pop. Hey, man, when is dinner . Im starving. Er to in a minute. Oh, great. Hey, you got about a dozen books here. No, just about an hour or so. Oh, yeah . Well, what are we having for dinner . Your favorite tongue. Ohh, outta sight. Yeah. Now, ill get it for you as soon as i finish this last book. Ok. Times . . Anytime you need a payment . . . Anytime . Anytime you need a p you need a frid . . Good times . . Anytime youre out from under . . Not getting hassled, not getting hustled . . Keeping your head above water . . Making a wave when you can . . Temporary layoffs . . Easy credit ripoff . . Good times . . Scratching and surviving . . Good times . . Hanging in a chow line . . Good times . . Aint we lucky we got em .