Transcripts For WNBC The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

Transcripts For WNBC The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon 20160730

And aturing the legendary roots crew. Questlove 511 steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon . . . . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thats what im talking about. Hi. Hi, thank you. Oh, i love you, love you, love you, love you, love you. Welcome. Welcome, everybody to the tonight show. This is it. [ cheers and applause ] this is it. Youre here. This is the show to be at, everybody. Thank you so much for being here. Guys, here is what everybody is talking about. Convention wrapped up last night, so everyones got their attention turned to the general election. And in a new interview president obama said that donald trump could get elected because, quote, anything is possible. [ light laughter ] thats right. Obama has gone from hope and change to who knows, dude . [ laughter ] [ applause ] i have no idea. And get this, the New York Times just wrote that if Hillary Clinton wins, shell have to give bill a job, because when he doesnt have a a job, he gets into trouble. [ laughter ] unless you count the time he got into trouble when he was president of the United States [ cheers ] thats a pretty big job. And this week, hillarys running mate tim kaine spoke at the Democratic Convention and some people online said he came off as a corny dad. [ laughter ] or as joe biden put it, the student has become the master. . . [ cheers and applause ] its actually a good thing that kaine got to speak, because it gave people a chance to get to know him a little bit better. I mean, we dont know much. We know hes a senator from virginia. Hes married with three kids. And but this is interesting. His full name is Timothy Michael kaine. [ light laughter ] Timothy Michael kain the other night, you can kind of see a little of the michael cain coming through. [ light laughter ] just listen closely. [ in english accent ] you know who i dont trust . Hmm, i wonder. Donald trump. Donald trump. Trump is a guy who promises a a lot. But you might have noticed hes got a way of saying the same two words every time he makes his biggest, hugest promises. Believe me. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy ah, come on, right . Steve come on, man. Jimmy you had to do it, yeah. [ in english accent ] donald trump, ill tell you. The same two words. [ laughter ] get this, it turns out that [ light laughter ] turns out melania trumps professional website has been deleted from the web [ audience oohs ] following allegations that she lied about graduating from college. [ audience oohs ] she just deleted the whole thing. [ laughter ] i mean as if copying Michelle Obama wasnt enough, now shes copying hillary. [ laughter ] you see what im saying . This has got to stop. [ cheers and applause ] this has got to did you see this . In an interview with Harpers Bazaar magazine, Kim Kardashian claims she wants to have more privacy. [ laughter ] then she said, starting after this interview. Thats what i wanted ive i dont know about this. Theres actually a new trend now of parents naming their children after characters in pokemon go. [ laughter ] personally, i think this is a a mistake, and so do my daughters mario and luigi. I mean, we dont [ laughter and applause ] we dont like that at all. Check this out. A new study finds that americans have on average become sorry. Have on average oh, let me start again. Sorry about that. [ light laughter ] because if i say that then it just wont work. [ sorry, guys. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] . What will become of me where will i end up i cant read cue cards anymore . . Im gonna quit . . . No no jimmy wait . I hear the sound of applause and i know its for me . [ applause ] . So im back here to see our show on nbc im back . . . [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] jimmy check this out guys. A [ laughter ] a new study finds that americans have on average become several inches shorter in the past 100 years. But Scientists Say its mainly because were all looking down at our phones. [ laughter ] [ applause ] . I should have quit why did i come back looking down on our phones . . There is no dress rehearsal anymore say goodbye walk out the door . . These people deserve more . . . [ cheers and applause ] . . . They love that i hear applause a standing ovation is what i . . A standing ovation this is me i can be meeeee . . . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you very much. We have a great show. Give it up for the roots. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hey, guys. Its a fun show tonight. Guys, one week from tonight steve ooh. Jimmy is the olympic opening ceremonies right here on nbc. A big deal. [ cheers and applause ] so were on right after. And we have a really exciting show planned. You guys, mr. Jerry seinfeld will be here. [ cheers and applause ] fun. Steve come on jimmy got to be there for mr. Seth rogen will be here. Steve what . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy seinfeld, seth rogen. Mr. Jason derulo will be here as well. Steve hey [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thats a big show. Next friday. Set your tivos, your dvrs, your beta maxes, your vcrs. Its gonna be a really fun show. But first, tonight, guys. This is what im talking about. This is a good show right here. She is the best. Im talking about unbelievable, unbelievable. Fantastic in this new movie. Margot robbie is here. [ cheers and applause ] my bud. My pal. Later in the show margot and i are playing a brand new game called the jinx challenge. Steve ooh. [ cheers ] jimmy you know when you say the same word and youre like, jinx . Well were going to try to do that. Were gonna try to say the same word. And the more jinxes we get the better. Plus from his two big tv shows, americas got talent and nick cannon presents wild n out, nick cannon is in the house you guys. [ applause ] hardki and then she this is my girl. She has a new cook book coming out called Martha Stewarts vegetables. [ cheers and applause ] tonight were cooking with the legendary Martha Stewart. [ kisses ] shes awesome. Shes an inspiration to any entrepreneur. This is her 87th book. Steve 87 . Jimmy what . Ggggoing steve going [ laughter ] jimmy yeah. Shes the coolest, man. On some personal stuff. I check my inbox, i return some emails and of course i send out some thank you notes. And i was just running behind. [ cheers and applause ] i thought if you guys wouldnt mind id just like write out my weekly thank you notes right now. Is that cool with you guys . [ cheers and applause ] thank you guys. Oh is james here . [ light laughter ] hey, james. Hey. Jimmy can you play some thank you note writing music please . . . Steve yeah. [ laughter ] looks real peppy. Jimmy im going to watch the opening ceremonies with him next friday. Steve are you serious . Jimmy yeah. Steve hes great to take to movies. Jimmy yeah. [ laughter ] . . Thank you, the Democratic Convention, for bringing americans of all races and backgrounds together to say, when do we get our regular tv shows back . Come on. [ cheers and applause ] i want to see my bachelorette. [ cheers ] thats my tat thats my i have a lower back tattoo that says that. [ laughter ] steve really . I miss my jojo . Jimmy miss my jojo. . . Thank you, Bernie Sanders supporters, for crying over spilled 1 milk. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] . . Thank you, apple sales, for falling for the second straight quarter. Oris told you so. [ laughter and applause ] steve come on. Jimmy gravity. . . Thank you, broadway, for bringing back cats. Or as millennials will call it, Snapchat Filter the musical. [ laughter ] there you go. . What does it mean am i kitty cat . [ light laughter ] . . Thank you, tinder, for basically being pokemon go for humans. [ applause ] got to catch em all. [ laughter ] steve got to catch them all. . . [ laughter ] . . Jimmy thank you, baby name books [ light laughter ] for kind of being like phone books for people who dont exist yet. Jimmy one way to look at it. . . [ light laughter ] . . Thank you, dentists who ask, have you been flossing . For basically saying, i know youre about to lie to me. You know youre about to lie to me. Lets just get it over with. There you are, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] those are my thank you notes. Well be right back with Margot Robbie. [ cheers and applause ] ok team, what if 30,000 people download the new app . Were good. Okay. What if a Million People download the new app . Were good. Five million . Good. We scale on demand. Hybrid infrastructure, boom. Ok. What if 30 Million People download the app . Were not good. Heroes. Scale on demand with the Number One Company in cloud infrastructure. Hewlett packard enterprise. Bill assumed it was a costume party. Bill assumed his mayo was the best choice. Assume nothing. Unlike hellmanns regular mayo, kraft Olive Oil Mayo has half the fat and still has great flavor. No wonder it tastes so good. I am sebastian artois. Stella artois be legacy what do you look for in an antiperspirant . Advanced care . 48 hours hehe feels nice this is very very smooth. I am not messing around its soft. Your antiperspirant should give you more. Than just protection. Try dove advanced care. For softer, smoother underarms. Whatcha got there . New cheezit sandwich crackers made with real cheese ummmm. Sammiches sandwich with a d sandwich Sammich Sammich see ahahaha we take time for our cheese to mature, in our new cheezit sandwich crackers. Sammiches. At the the lincoln summer invitation sales event, its time to relax. From the moment you take your foot off the brake, the brake stays engaged and you stay put. Taking the legwork out of stop and go traffic. And even hills. Thats the more human side of engineering. This is the lincoln summer invitation, lease a lincoln mkx for 349 a month or get 0 apr for 60 months . . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our first guest is a a talented, talented actress who stars as harley quinn in the highly anticipated new movie, suicide squad, which opens nationwide in theaters 3d and imax august 5th. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, our pal Margot Robbie. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, my goodness. Thank you so much for coming back. Thanks for having me again. Jimmy oh, please. We love having you here. Every time i think this is, like, my third time on the show, and every time i freak out being on the same stage as the roots. And you jimmy, of course. [ laughter ] but i see you guys, im just like front row tickets to the gig. Jimmy yeah. And to the jimmy show and all that jimmy thank you. Yeah and me too. Yeah, yeah. Im here as ll next time you can sit closer to those guys. [ light laughter ] i gotta say you hit a home run in this movie. I saw it last night. Suicide squad. You were unbelievable. You are just youre funny. Youre, uh action packed. I mean, how many times did you swing a baseball bat in the movie . So many times. And i hit myself in the face with a baseball bat a few times. Jimmy did you as well . It really hurts. Jimmy you had to. I was so excited i took a a picture with there was like a cardboard cutout on the [ laughter ] jimmy i was so excited to see you again. I like that thats your pose you came up with. Jimmy this is this is me thats me, there. [ light laughter ] like a karate pose. Jimmy well, that was me, thats jay. Thats me right there. The face tats gave it away. Jimmy yeah, thank you. Yeah. I think i know youre a a super star now, but i think after this its all over, buddy. Your life is gonna completely its all over. Jimmy well, i mean youre gonna be worldwide. You cant go anywhere. You cant go on vacation. It bums me out, because i see paparazzi is always taking pictures of you. You were in hawaii . Yeah, that was my first five days in so long. And i was like, yeah, this is going to be great. Im gonna switch off. Jimmy yeah. It was like a photo shoot the whole time. I was like, where are you guys hiding . I dont understand. Jimmy they hide in like bushes and stuff . I saw one one time and i chased him down. Jimmy its like a pokemon. [ laughter ] you gotta go find em. It was exactly like pokemon go. Exactly like that. Jimmy yeah. But they took a picture of you falling off your surf im aware, jimmy. Im aware. Thank you for brining it up. It wasnt embarrassing enough at the time. Jimmy im laughing because youre fine, everything is good. But, man, this is a good picture, man. Paparazzi shots that ive gotten pretty upset over, this one i was dying with laughter. I was like, this is ridiculous. Like all of them were jimmy heres whats good about that you so, lets remind everyone. Yeah. [ light laughter ] jimmy well because whats cool about you is you posted because it was so awesome. You posted it on your Instagram Page and you said, photo cred to the creepy paparazzis hiding in the bushes. Thanks for always catching me at my best angles. Blessed. But thats not even you falling, thats how you surf. You surf with one toe on the board. [ laughter ] thats a very jimmy its so hard to do. Yeah. Thats a particular technique in australia. Actually, im very advanced surfer. Not many people can do that. Jimmy i know you can do it. One toe surfing. Yeah. Jimmy suicide squad. Can you set it up for people that dont know the comic or anything . Its six its a bunch of bad guys, theyre all brought out of jail to save the world, essentially, theyre antiheros or villains and theyre not really playing by the rules. So its really fun. Jimmy yeah, its almost like bad fighting evil. Exactly. Jimmy yeah. And everyones got their things everyone shines. Will smith is great. Jared leto is fantastic. Amazing. Jimmy our pal, backstage, we had cara delevingne. You gave her a tattoo . Yeah we did toemojis, we were calling them. Where we tattooed the bottom of our toes. Just little faces. But the thing about tattooing the bottom our rubs off after a while. So we have to keep redoing them. Jimmy i didnt know that. Is that right . Yeah. Jimmy i mean, i do have a a lot of under lower foot tattoos. Yeah, you get it. Jimmy kept em on for years. You get it. Jimmy here is a picture of you, in character, giving the tattoo. Yeah, thats caras foot. And, yeah. Jimmy and youre what can are you licensed . [ laughter ] you know what . I dont actually know if i meant i dont know what the rules are. But you can buy a tattoo gun on a lot of things on ebay. As long as youve got like jimmy you shouldnt be going out there and giving tattoos to people. If youve got someone whos willing to let you tattoo them, then i guess we just went ahead and did it. Jimmy did you tattoo other people . Yeah, ive actually tattooed probably ive done about, almost 50 tattoos. Jimmy what are you talking about . Yes. [ laughter ] jimmy what . And im getting worse. Jimmy wait, youre getting worse . Im getting worse. Jimmy why . I remember my first couple, i was like im really impressed with myself. But its gone downhill since then. Jimmy why . Because youre overthinking in . I dont know i mean, anything. Like little like words or pictures. Like, on my birthday my friends were like, what do you want for your birthday . I was like, i just want to do more tattoos. cause i had just started. So i tattooed, like, a little girl holding a balloon. Or anything really. Jimmy on who . My roommates it started with and then it kind of expanded from there. And now booming business of tattoos. Jimmy no way. Like, how did you could you draw me a little girl holding a a balloon. Yeah, ill show you what it looks like. Jimmy yeah. I just want to see what it looks like. cause ive never got a tattoo. Its permanent. Yeah. Jimmy well, unless you get it on your toe, i guess. No, it doesnt come off. Jimmy but on your toe you said it comes off. On your toe, yeah, yeah. It kind of looked like that. Jimmy thats not bad. I would get that tattoo. [ laughter ] thats really cute. [ applause ] thats actually i think you really are talented at tattoos. You are a tattoo artist. Yeah. A true artist, yeah. Jimmy i love it. I love it. Tattoo artists actually watching the show will be like i ha ruin the name of tattoo artistry. Jimmy i know i keep saying it, but youre fantastic in the movie. Also you have a scene youre underwater, but i was like, oh, i dont know maybe its cgi or something. But you told me let me tell you. Nothing in this movie is cgi. Jimmy thats not true. I mean, okay, yes. A few things like [ light laughter ] jimmy like a whole floating explosion. Yeah when the world is kind of blowing up. That didnt actually happen. Jimmy theres like a a crocodile man fighting it was a big budget for cgi. But, like, explosions all real. Lots of prosthetic. Like croc prosthetics. Jimmy how did you go under water for that long . I had to learn to hold my breath under water for a really long time. Jimmy how do you do that . So you i worked with this amazing free diver. And he came in and i did four sessions with him. His names kirk. I called him captain kirk. Anyways. [ light laughter ] it is all about lowering your Metabolic Rate. Jimmy Metabolic Rate . Yeah, because as soon as you start using jimmy how do you lower that while not breathing . You kind of like meditate under water. Its what free divers do. But its amazing. We did four sessions. And we said pretty much because once you start moving, and i obviously we had to be fighting under water, you use up more oxygen and you cant stay under as long. But i could do a resting breath hold of five minutes. Which meant i could do a jimmy you could hold your breath for five minutes under water . Yeah, which i never thought was possible. I was like, maybe ill aim for three. An underwater bank. Jimmy with your talents and my ideas. [ light laughter ] what are we doing this for . Jimmy ridiculous. Done. Lets get out of here. Jimmy could be gazillionaires. We started getting really competitive. As you know, weve played games before, i get a little competitive. My stunt double, ingrid, she would do a session. Shes like, i made to it three minutes. I was like, okay, im gonna do another session. Three and half minutes. Four minutes. Anyway, i got to five minutes, and i was like, you know what . This is above and beyond what i thought id get to. Im good. Im good with five. A half. And like, i need another session they were like, no one needs to drown over this. [ light laughter ] jimmy guys, we got the scene. Were good. We got the scene. Jimmy we got the take. The scene takes one minute. We dont need to do this. Jimmy were cutting all this out anyway. Its getting ridiculous. And i watched and they cut like the first half and the last half. And i was like, but i was under water for s

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