Transcripts For WJLA Jimmy Kimmel Live 20170517 : comparemel

WJLA Jimmy Kimmel Live May 17, 2017

Hold on a second. I just had a little whats going on with you over there . Guillermo oh, jimmy. I run into snoop dogg. Jimmy looks like he ran into you. Guillermo you know what he told me . Jimmy what did he tell you . Smoke this . Guillermo yeah. How do you know . [ laughter ] jimmy all right, security is not tight here. Lets just say that. Well, it was yet another day of tumult in our nations capital. President trump as you probably heard, according to tailed report in the Washington Post, shared highly classified information with russia last week. He met with the Russian Ambassador and the Russian Foreign minister, during that meeting posted about specific intelligence hed received about plans isis had, he received country. Today New York Times reported israel was the other country. For those wondering why everyones worked up about this, let me break it down as best i can. Israel is one of our closest allies. Iran is very close to russia. Iran is one of their closest allies. Iran is also the biggest threat to israel. In the middle east. Which makes sharing information with russia very dangerous. Because it could very well be shared with iran. You know what, actually . Since snoop is here ill put this in rap terms for you. Imagine that the United States is tupac. And israel is suge knight. Okay . On the other side, russia is Biggie Smalls and iran is his friend puff daddy. If suge knight tells tupac a secret and tupac turns around and blabs to biggie tupac and biggie both wind up dead. Puff daddy launches his own successful line of vodka. Serac. Which rhymes with iraq. Which is a country what has nothing to do with this but still. So you see why this is so dangerous. Thank you. [ cheers and applause ] so israels ambassador to United States said israel has full confidence in our intelligencesharing relationship with the United States, and looks forward to deepening that relationship in the years ahead under President Trump. Well, i dont know if id count on years ahead with President Trump. But lets start with months and go from there, okay . [ laughter ] trump, of course, is as usual less focused on what he did and more focused on who told the post he did it tweeting this today. Ive been asking director comey and others from the beginning of my administration to find the leakers in the intelligence community. Which thats like o. J. Trying to find the real killer, right . [ laughter ] hes just a big bag of to brag about it. He cant resist. If donald trump was Colonel Sanders wed all have the secret recipe. [ laughter ] wed be up to our ears in chicken right now. The New York Times also released a report today. They got access to a memo written by james comey. You remember that guy from yesterdays news . [ laughter ] comey took notes after meeting with the president when he was running the fbi. And he said trump asked him to drop the investigation of michael flynn. He said, i hope you can see your way clear to letting this go, to letting flynn go, hes a good guy, i hope you can let this go. Comey didnt let goit and trump fired him. Which if thats an accurate account sounds a lot like obstruction of justice, which is very illegal. Everyones so shocked by this and the situation with russia . I saw on cnn, it said are there questions about our president s competen competence . People are worried. He might be incompetent. Which listen, our president , 18 months ago, was the host of a reality show, of course hes how can this be a surprise . [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] nothing makes more sense. Of course hes accidentally leaking secrets to the russians. His job before this was to choose between La Toya Jackson and meatloaf. Why are we shocked russians walk in his office and he cant keep his mouth shut . Ill tell you this, i would not want to be sean spicer stressball today. I can only imagine i think about how sean spicer reacts when things like this happen and he knows hes going to have to go out there and talk about. I imagine it went Something Like this. President trump revealed some classified information regarding isis that according to the report in the Washington Post wasnt exactly his to share. There was intelligence that had been according to a quote from h. R. Mcmaster, the National Security advise her jimmy dont worry, buddy, it i dont know. Am i the only one who feels bad for sean spicer . One day hes going to write the greatest book ever written. [ laughter ] today trump sent fresh meat out to defend him. His National Security adviser, Lieutenant General h. R. Mcmas r mcmaster, who tried hard to clear this mess up. Why were you denying things that were not even reported . What the report said is that the president revealed classified information that had been shared by one of our allies in the middle east. So the question is simply a yes or no question here. Did the president share class information with the russians if that meeting . As i mentioned already, we dont say whats classified, whats not classified. What i will tell you again, what the president shared was wholly appropriate. Jimmy in other words, yes, he shared classified information with those guys in his office. Meanwhile, all hell was busting loose, trump was meeting with turkish president strongman meet and greet and yet another awkward handshake. Like a Little League coach with these guys. [ applause ] unfortunately for the president of turkey, the press at the meeting was not so interested in his country. Much more interested in russia. Well be having lunch in a little while, well actually be making a statement right after this in the roosevelt room. Okay . Thank you very much. Thank you. Mr. President , you share classified intelligence information with the russians thank you very much. Mr. President , did you share classified information . Jimmy look at that face. Thank you, thank you. When he says thank you, its almost like he doesnt mean thank you, you know . We are now living in a world of alternative facts. The president makes statements almost every day that arent necessarily based which is frustrating to some people. And confusing to others. Especially young people. You know, were raised to believe that the president tells the truth. But that isnt necessarily the case anymore. So to bring children up to date on the new american way, we took a cue from schoolhouse rock. And hopefully this will explain how it all works now. The white house . So cool but i wonder who that sadlooking fellow over there is. Me . Im a lie. A what . A lie. Like when you dont tell the truth. I dont understand. Let me try to explain. Im just a lie yes im only a lie im so untrue i just want to cry well i just popped out of the president s brain and the very idea of it is completely insane but someday im going to be fact oh yes ill try and ill try but today i am still just a lie if youre a lie, why do you want people to think youre true . You see, kid, i make the president feel good about himself. And sometimes i can even help him sell his policies to voters. Wow you sound really important yeah. But not unless people believe me. Im just a lie yes im only a lie but im going to be a fact by and by see first the president tweet s, all those who try to debooung me repeat me across the internet ill fly thats how i spread far and wide but today i am still just a lie thats horrible. I know. But real facts are so depressing. Like take climate change. If we believe that, we couldnt burn all that coal. But we shouldnt burn it. Thats what you say. Not everybody has to believe a lie. Only enough to make me a debate. Im just a lie just a sweet little lie and im too believable to deny pretty soon im being debated all over town kellyanne is spin ining everybody is taking sides and the truth will lay down and die because you cant tell a fact from a lie and thats how it works. I think im going to be sick. Dont worry, trumpcare is going to be great bye [ cheers and applause ] jimmy there you go. Going down with the ship. We are going to take a break. When we come back, abc unveiled our new fall lineup today. And we have some doozies america to meet some interesting people. These folks you see in the wall behind me own some very unusual stores and well find out more about them next. So stick around. Well be right back. [ cheers and applause ] hey, man. Oh nice man cave nacho . [ train whistle blows ] what . stop it mmhmm. Weve been saving a lot of money ever since we switched to progressive. This bar is legit. And now we get an even bigger discount from bundling home and auto. I can get used to this. It might take a minute. Swing and a miss slam dunk touchdown together sports touchdown but it took a twist of fate to find a highend curler at such a head turning price. And thats the beauty of a store full of surprises. You never know what youre gonna find, but you know youre gonna love it. inaudible singing heyyyy hooo inaudible rapping get 6 months of netflix plus a free entertainment kit when you buy the galaxy s8. When you eat a subway® 6 footlong sub of the day. Its the taste you love, at a price you cant get enough of. The 6 footlong sub of the day. Seven days, seven footlongs, seven more ways to enjoy subway®. Are you one sneeze away from being voted out of the carpool . Try zyrtec® its starts working hard at hour one and works twice as hard when you take it again the next day. Stick with zyrtec® and muddle no more®. How do you become americas bestselling brand . You make it detect what they dont. Stop, stop, stop sorry. You make it sense whats coming. Watch, watch, watch mom. Relax im relaxed. You make it for 16year olds. Whoawhoawhoa and the parents who worry about them. You saw him, right . Going further to help make drivers, better drivers. Dont freak out on me. Thats ford. And thats how you become americas bestselling brand. Are you still trying to perthats like serena. Er . Trying to perform with an old racket. Ahhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhh you can say that again. Ahhhhhhhh im sorry. Is outdated Equipment Holding you back . Upgrade your game to intels fastest processor. Time to upgrade. Jimmy welcome back to the show. Justin theroux and snoop dogg are on the way. Thats right, snoop is here. If you hear a smoke alarm, do not panic. Its to be expected. Right . Guillermo yeah. Jimmy all right. In television news, abc today announced their plan for the upcoming season, among the many new shows in the hopper is a where former bachelor and bachelorette contestants compete in a variety of physical competitions bachelor winter games. The one thing bachelor fans want more than anything is to see the contestants we are mowing clothes so i like this. Abc are also doing a kids version of dancing with the stars called dancing with the stars junior. I tell you, the real challenge of dancing with the stars junior is finding celebrities who are already washed up by 9 years old. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] that should be interesting. Hey, we dont have a lot here at abc. But what we do have we milk the hell out of. So all right. Now to the main event. Its time to shine a light on the entrepreneurial spirit of this country, we scoured the United States, we found some very interesting stores, stores that have multiple specialties. And lets go to the wall of america now to meet some of the owners. [ cheers and applause ] from can see its cadwells, a towing service and ice cream shop. If you need to be towed and would like an ice cream cone, this is the place to go. Lets go inside. Joining us on our big cisco screen is the owner, walter. Walter cadwell, youre the owner of cadwells . Yes, sir. Jimmy you are the owner . How are you today . Jimmy this is a towing service and ice cream shop. How did this come to be . How did you get these two things together . It started with an Ice Cream Store and branched out to locksmith, Computer Repair, and fitness clubs. Jimmy what . Wait a minute. You added Computer Repair . What else did you say . Locksmith . Locksmith. Jimmy and three fitness clubs. Jimmy ice cream and fit innocence the same store. Yeah. Double the money. Jimmy im looking a right. Jimmy what are the two phones for . One for towing. Fitness. And locksmith. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy wow. Thats one way of keeping it straight, i guess. Well, hows business going . Going all right . The good lord blesses us every day. Jimmy thank you, walter, i appreciate it. Cadwells towing. [ cheers and applause ] stop by, say hello. Next up we go to st. George, utah. To a store called paintball, food storage, violins and band. And they have a truck to match as well. Lets go inside, say hello to the owner of the store. Shane, how are you doing . [ cheers and applause ] good. Jimmy wow, there it is. I see it right now. I see paintball stuff to the right of you. I see violins. How did you come up with this well, it wasnt quite that simple. I worked in a preparedness store years ago. And then the owner added in paint ball which made us really weird as it was. Jimmy uhhuh. His store closed, i opened one of my own. In the meantime my wife had opened a violin store out of our home. And it made more sense to have it all together than apart. See. Has anyone ever come in, bought a violin, and a paintball gun . Oh, absolutely. Jimmy they have, wow. Are those throwing stars im seeing . [ laughter ] next to the guitars there . Yes. Were a fullline store. Jimmy i see, all right. So when people are preparing for doomsday they can come in get their food storage, and get their instruments, and get their throwing stars too, very convenient. Yes. We try to help. Jimmy what is the bestselling item at the store . Violins. Violins, wow. That many people are playing the we really specialize in the violin. We sell a lot of guitars. But violin is our specialty. Jimmy violins and violins at your store, wow. Well, this is yeah how do you answer the phone . Well, our family Still Matters. You dont say the name of the store . The name of the store is your family Still Matters jacksonville the sign tells them what we do. That isnt technically our name. Jimmy wow. This couldnt possibly be more confusing, i have to say. [ laughter ] thank you, shane. Next, we have one more, we go to hardiville, South Carolina. This is a good one. Golf ball outlet, Fireworks Mega store. Thats right. Golf balls and fireworks. In one mega store. And joining us now is tommy, the manager. Hi, tommy. Hey, jimmy. Jimmy tommy, does tell it all . Is there anything else we need to know other than the fact that you have golf balls and fireworks . Jimmy, they need to know were entertainers just like you. Thats what were in the business of. Were trying to entertain people. And we sell fireworks, we sell golf balls. Jimmy i see. Why golf balls and fireworks . Jimmy yeah. Were at the gateway of hilton head. About 30 minutes away. Were right where people exit off going to hilton head. So they stop in here and get their golf balls and then South Carolina fireworks is just like a coaster here in the low country. Everybody loves to shoot them off. Jimmy which is the best of the fireworks that you have . If i were to only get one item, which one would it somebody. Jimmy, the women come in, they want big and pretty. We sell them Something Like one called a hifalutin. The men want big and theyll get Something Like the next caliber moore. Thats what we call a window rattler. Jimmy i see. Its divided among gender lines, the preferences. It could be but well sell them anything they want. Jimmy do you offer gift cards . Is this the sort of thing, if i was looking for a christmas item . Why, absolutely. On top of that, jimmy, we got a little combo. We have exploding golf balls. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, yeah, thats smart. Very smart. Well, thank you, tommy, i appreciate that. Fire a few golf balls in the air. Are you allowed to smoke in there . Absolutely not. Jimmy all right, well keep snoop dogg out of the place. Thank you very much, tommy. Its golf ball outlet and fireworks. We have a fun show tonight. Snoop dogg is here and well be right back with Justin Theroux. So stick around [ cheers and applause ] dicky portions of Jimmy Kimmel Live are brought to you by clif bar. Celebrating cycling adventures whether you bike to work or bike for fun. You might not ever just stand there, looking at it. You may never even sit in the back seat. Yeah, but maybe you should. laughter when a fire destroyed everything in our living room. We replaced it all without touching our savings. Yeah, our insurance wont do that. No. You can leave worry behind when liberty stands with you™. Liberty Mutual Insurance music volume rises ] when liberty stands with you™. You guys wanna go . [whistles] get all summer essentials 30, 40, and 50 percent off. Hi, fashion. Old navy i am totally blind. I lost my sight in afghanistan. If youre totally blind, you may also be struggling with non24. Calling 8448442424. Or visit my24info. Com. For color this bold are you ready. Garnier nutrisse ultra color with avocado, olive and shea oils. It nourishes hair to boost color. From dull brown to our bluest black. Nutrisse ultra color. Nourished hair. Bolder color. Washed up . Never. Times. Loreals new age perfect rosy tone moisturizer. Increases cell renewal. Boosts skins rosy tone instantly. New age perfect rosy tone from loreal paris. And were still worth it. J tonight, his new album drops friday. Its called neva left, snoop dogg is here to chat with us. [ cheers and applause ] and perform for us on the mercedesbenz outdoor stage. You can see snoop live on tour with linkin park in october 14s in seattle, washington. Tomorrow night, Bryan Cranston will be here, from baywatch Kelly Rohrbach will join us, and well have music from paramore. And on thursday, johnny depp, science bob pflugfelder, and linkin

© 2025 Vimarsana