The president spoke tonight before a joint session of congress. Were going to ignore it. [ laughter ] for a very good reason. The reason is i need a break from it, to be honest with you. Tonight if anyone says the name of the orangecolored man with the russian boyfriend they will have to put 100 in that jar that guillermos holding right there, okay . [ cheers and applause ] thats the rule, it applies to everyone, you understand . Guillermo, just to recap. People have to put 100 in the jar if they say what . Guillermo uh [ laughter ] jimmy good, hes smarter than he looks. All right. [ laughter ] this will be refreshing. Meanwhile, especially here in l. A. Everybodys still talking about what happened at the end of the oscars on sunday. Which is funny. I feel like if we discovered some microscopic form of life on another planet it would be a big deal for 31 hours before we forgot about it. But this envelope seems to have captured our imagination in ways i never thought possible f a office supply. This is the New York Post today. They put a picture of the guy who handed over the wrong envelope on the front page with this terrible i know, i feel bad for him. Hes managing partner for Price Waterhouse coopers, hes the guy responsible. Zoom in if we could. Who does he look like to you . [ laughter ] like a handsome matt damon. The plot thickens. Turns out matt damon is bad at two jobs today by the way is mardi gras. Also known as fat tuesday. Its the only day of the year when youre allowed to eat a cake with a baby in it. [ laughter ] here in hollywood we celebrate fat tuesday differently. Here fat tuesday means eating a carb. [ laughter ] its kind of true. Theres a woman i knew, i didnt really know her, i knew of her, she was someones yoga teacher. What i remember is she never ate carbs, never ate anything would treat herself to a single scoop of brown rice. [ laughter ] isnt that the saddest thing you ever heard . Meanwhile, theyre going nuts in new orleans right now. Theres only about 20 minutes of mardi gras left. The Party Started january 6th and shuts down cold at midnight. 12 01 a. M. , the police come in, Ash Wednesday begins, and mardi gras, for real, its over. Then we cant get publicly hammered and expose ourselves until st. Patricks day. [ laughter ] its more than two weeks. Its easy to forget mardi gras is part of a religious celebration. But it is. There are festivals all over the world. This is a video from cologne, germany. They have a big carnival the monday before Ash Wednesday. What they call rose monday, yesterday. This guy coming up dressed as jesus has got a big wooden cross. And you see. He didnt check the clearance. He gets and then jesus wrestles it out of the the good news is hes a carpenter and he can fix it. But it was a close call. [ laughter ] we have a great show tonight. Catherine zetajones is here with us. [ cheers and applause ] from the Houston Rockets james harden. [ cheers and applause ] performing and sitting in with the cletones, a Living Legend on guitar, hank the hawk knutley. Welcome, hank. Chrpz chrp [ cheers and applause ] i see youre wearing the mardi gras beads. Are you from new orleans . No, no. Jimmy what songs are you going to sing . Were excited to have you here. Im going to sing trapped in the garage. Trapped in the garage part 2. Im going to sing watch your mouth. Im going to sing stabbed to life. Jimmy stabbed to life . Yes. Jimmy that sounds great, all right. Hey, whats the story with your dog here . This is my service dog. His name is henry. Id like to take a moment if you dont mind to thank him for his service. Jimmy oh, hey, thank you, henry. [ cheers and applause ] hi, henry. All right. Henry doesnt know what the hells going on. Hank and henry are here. Today by the way is the last day of february. But march madness is already beginning. Warren buffett, the billionaire, is offering his employees, if one of his more than 377,000 employees at Berkshire Hathaway correctly picks all the teams that make it to the sweet 16, that person gets 1 million a year for life. Not you guys. [ laughter ] you have to work there. The winner of our ncaa pool gets like a 25 gift card to olive garden. That is a very generous win. I mean, nobody will win it. But it sounds like a great way to make all your coworkers hate one person, though. What do you say if you win . Thanks, boss, i quit . This is what i would buy if i won that money. This is a robot built at boston dynamics. Its a Company Owned by google. The robots nam i dont know what theyre planning to do with it, but im scared. Watch how this thing moves. It seems to it goes down stairs, it can go out to the mailbox. It dances. I think maybe they put Michael Jacksons ghost in this thing. [ laughter ] because its this will be the new uber that will chase and you grab you and take you to your destination whether you want to or not. Im not sure why but in addition to it being mardi gras, today is also National Tooth fairy day. So go eat a tooth or something to celebrate. According to a new survey, they do surveys on this every year, tooth fairy payments are at an alltime high. Parents are now giving an average of 4. 66 per tooth. Its up 75 cents. The tooth fairy left 290 million under pillows last year. I think the tooth fairy might be dealing meth or something. [ laughter ] because thats believe that the tooth fairy payout is a good indicator of how well the economy is going. When times are good the tooth fairy leaves more money. When theyre bad, she leaves like a subway punch card with two holes in it. When i was a kid i got a quarter for the first tooth i lost. For every tooth after that i got a note that said you think im made out of quarters . It was a big lesson. [ laughter ] what we really need is the tooth fairy is fine. We need a bluetooth fairy that will leave you money if you take that stupid little earpiece out of jimmy what are you doing . Making sure the guitar is right. Jimmy im in the middle of the monologue. So oh, you could hear that . [ laughter ] jimmy i could, it got through. Sorry. Jimmy i dont think henry heard it. Sorry. Jimmy thats all right. Well get to you later. Okay, very good. Jimmy just got a glance at that for a second. Because i think wed forgotten that that was happening. All right. You know spacex, this Company Owned by elon musk . They announced sometime next year theyre going to send two people on a trip around the moon. It will cost tens of millions of dollars per passenger. They didnt say how many tens of millions. I guess you dont have to pay extra for the bags. Theyre included. They say the trip will last about a week. Which is i think i get the gist of being in space after about a day. You know . You float around. Eat some of that freezedried ice cream. Day two, maybe do the same stuff again. Day three, id be mad theres no wifi. Id be trying to get netflix on the craft. But i guess thats exciting. I dont know. I have something i think will be more exciting. I have an opportunity tonight for those sitting in our audience, every night we have celebrity guests who come to the show to promote their various projects. Our studio audience never gets a chance to promote any of the exciting things happening in their lives. I want to change that. Its time now for our firstever installment of what do you have to plug . [ applause ] im looking for an audience member, yes, with something to promote. Okay, well start okay. Yeah, lady with the black okay. Lady with the black sweater action what is your name . Herrera. Jimmy and where are you from, herrera . Seattle. Jimmy herrera from seattle. What do you have to plug . My niece hobby plays on the lady thunder team in tacoma, theyre having a fundraiser on saturday at applebees. Jimmy oh, great. 8 00 to 10 00 a. M. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy what sport is it . Basketball. Jimmy oh, basketball, good. Then people can come to that and do what . Yes. So go and by breakfast and then theyll donate part of the proceeds to the team that helps pay for travel, coaching because its totally nonprofit. Jimmy we got it, very good. Good plug, all right. [ cheers and applause ] all right, right here, yes, this guy right here. Whats your name . Where are you from . My name is jeff. Jimmy hi jeff, how are you doing . Good, thank you. I just m welcome. Thank you. Im here to plug stick figure music. My brothers reggae band. You can check it out on itunes jimmy your brother has a reggae band . He does. Jimmy white guys and reggae bands. Those are the best reggae bands. I know, check him out. Itunes or stickfiguremusic. Com. Jimmy very good. Thats a good plug for your brother. [ cheers and applause ] one more. This gentleman here in the leather jacket. Whats your name, where are you from . Do i stand up . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy yeah. I dont know whats going on. [ cheers and applause ] this is jimmy wow. Youre really you must have been popular in line i guess, huh . Whats your name . Your name . Where are you from . Oh. Hi, jimmy. My names chris. Jimmy hi, chris. Im from lake stevens, washington. Jimmy very good. [ cheers and applause ] welcome. What do you do for a living, chris . Im an actor. Jimmy really . Oh. You look like a toll booth operator or something. [ laughter ] no, no, im an actor. Jimmy you look like a dog washer or maybe a guy that carries buckets around. Do you work with buckets or anything like that . Uh no, no. I do the acting thing. Jimmy well agree to disagree on this, i guess. Ive been on your show. Okay. Jimmy something youd like to plug tonight . Yes. Im here to plug a new movie. Jimmy oh, is it like a youtube thing or something . No, no. Its a real movie. It opens may 5th. Its called guardians of the galaxy volume ii. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy congratulations. Ive never heard of it but congratulations. That sounds great. Yeah, no, y movie was it was pretty cool. Jimmy people saw it . Yeah. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy what was the original, the first one called . The first one . Jimmy yeah. Was called guardians of the galaxy. And weve made one called guardians of the galaxy volume ii. Jimmy none of this rings a bell. Can i be honest with you . Totally. Jimmy what is the movie about . Because i dont i play a character called peter quill. Hes also known as starlord. Jimmy okay. Theres a hot green alien. We save the universe. Theres a raccoon who has a machine gun. Jimmy uhhuh. Talks a lot of smack. Theres a sentient tree who only knows how to say his own name. Jimmy are you on drugs or something . [ laughter ] no. Jimmy no . Okay. No, im not. Its a really good movie. I think people are going to like it. [ cheers and applause ] i talked to your producers. I brought a clip. Like a preview. Jimmy oh, really. [ cheers and applause ] all right, fine. This is the trailer for whats it called . Garbly galaxy . Its garbly galaxy, yes. Guardians of the galaxy volume ii. Jimmy here it is, what he said. Hope youre ready. Going to be here any minute. You dont know what a rifle looks like . Its this sort of new thing. I guess were doing guns now, i didnt know that. I see it within you. Fear. Jealousy. Betrayal. It is our duty to cleanse the universe of the weak. They told me you people were conceited douchebags. But that isnt true at all. Im using my wrong eye. Put your seat belts on were saving the galaxy again . Yep. Awesome you would never break the chain chain keep us together hi sometimes the thing youre searching for your whole life was right there by your side all along. Youre right. Love. Were family. [ cheers and applause ] good. Youre in it . Yeah. Thats great. Just to recap. Herreras niece has a fundraiser at applebees in tacoma. Jeffs brothers band dont bother with that. [ laughter ] and chris has got a new movie about outer space. [ cheers and applause ] tonight on the show, from the rockets, james harden is here. Well be right back with Catherine Zetajones. Stick around. [ cheers and applause ] i noticed it as soon as we moved into the new house. A lot of people have vertical blinds. Well, if a lot of people jumped off a bridge, would you . You hungry . Ay right im. Im becoming my, uh, mother. Its been hard, but some of the stuff he says is actually pretty helpful. Pumpkin, bundling our home and Auto Insurance is a good deal like buying in bulk thats fun, right . Progressive cant protect you from becoming your parents, but we can protect your home and auto. Progressive cant protect you from becoming your parents, welcome to maxx you. 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James harden is here with us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night on the show, alec baldwin will be with us, luke evans will be with us, well have music from tuxedo and on thursday adam pally and president george w. Bush. Not together, though. They will be here separately, individually, correct . I want to mention a live album. Its hank knutley. Knutley in your face. Its available now. Hank the hawk knutley. Why do they call you the hawk . Originally it started as a sex move i invented which then i adapted into a fighting style. So ive just come to be known for both of those things simultaneously. Jimmy thats different from what i expected it to be. But its a great story. Very hank. Jimmy extremely hank. Our first guest tonight is an oscarwinning actress married to an oscarwinning actor, together they have two lovely children, neither of whom have been nominated for anything yet but theyre young. You can see her play Olivia De Havilland in feud. It premieres march 5th on fx. Please welcome Catherine Zetajones [ cheers and applause ] jimmy wonderful to have you here. Its so thank you, everybody. Its so lovely. Ive never sat jimmy youve never been here before, hows it going so far . Its going great, really great, yeah . Did you come out for the oscars . No, no, i didnt. But i did watch it. Jimmy oh, okay. At home with my husband, my kids, my mom and dad. Jimmy oh, wow. Who were visiting. And my brother whose birthday it is today. Lyndon is in the green room. Jimmy oh, nice. [ cheers and applause ] happy birthday, lyndon. It was a bit dramatic. We had a power cut in the street. Weve got me and michael going, do they know its oscar night . Jimmy a lot of disasters happened. We lost power and everything. First of all, can i just say you did a fantastic job. [ cheers and applause ] from the moment you opened i felt that i was part of the party and that continued right up until the end when everyone starts to cry. Jimmy right. Thats nice. You did say the power went out. Did you actually see it . No, i did see it, yeah. Jimmy okay. We saw it on our on the tv screen that i bought my husband to bribe him to move house. Jimmy oh, really. Your husband is the subject of the big tv screen. I want to ask you about this, when you won the oscar, this was 2003 [ cheers and applause ] i think i hold the record of carrying the biggest jugs to the oscars. I was ten days before i gave birth to our daughter caris. Jimmy thats amazing. It was a special night. Jimmy had she ever watched video of her mom oh, i let her know, baby, i carried you around. When i was less pregnant they invited me to sing live with queen latifah, one of the original songs. Jimmy oh, right. Which i thought was a wonderful, wonderful idea. A real honor. Jimmy and . Until ten days before i was about to give birth, im on a hydraulic lift going up going, what the was i thinking . Jimmy yeah, it seems unwise. It got through it though. Jimmy you know what, youre its nerveracking. Were you nervous before you did that . Jimmy of course i was nervous. Its terrifying. Jimmy especially if youre pregnant and on a hydraulic lift. [ laughter ] yeah, pregnant on a hydraulic lift. Jimmy i mean, they have problems with envelopes, never mind a hydraulic lift. Years later you look back on that fondly. Are your kids interested in being in show business . They are, they are. Jimmy is that good . Do you like that or no . I just i know its going to be hard for them because theyve got their grandfather kirk, theyve got me, they have their they have michael. But they so inherently love it. Theyre good. They go to summer camp every year, they do three musicals and straight plays, they love it. Ive had a wonderful life in this business. So i only if they want to do it, they know the hardships and the percentages of who makes it and who doesnt. So i just think that theyve got theyve got the talent. And i know that they have the drive. Jimmy what did your parent do for a living . My dad theyre in the green room too. My dad owned a candy factory, we call them sweet factories in britain. Jimmy oh, wow. And my mother was a seamstress. So i was brought one her sticking me with pins for costumes a jimmy and you you decided on your own you that want to be a performer, this kind of thing . I did. Jimmy they were supportive of it . They were supportive, very supportive. Jimmy what kind of candy did your dad make . Hard boiled sweets, rock candy. Jimmy the worst ones. The ones that are really bad for your teeth. And the