Host of the show. Thank you for watching. Thank you for coming. Thank you for joining us. I dont know i dont know if we have baseball fans in the audience but this is the biggest night for Major League Baseball in a very long time. Not your usual world series. Tonight from cleveland, game one between the indians and the cubs. Two perennial losers. [ cheers and applause ] neither the cubs nor india two months before jesus was born. Former indians allstar kenny lofton threw out the first pitch tonight. Some cleveland fans wanted to see Charlie Sheen do it i guess because he played an indian in the movie major league. Then they remembered its baseball, not an 8ball. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] emotions are running high in both cities, especially in chicago. After the cubs won their series truly spectacular reaction nervous breakdown. Hes 35 years old. Hes from indiana. And he had just been waiting his whole life for this moment. So those tears, he was crying like so many others tonight in wrigleyville. Crying tears of just unbridled joy. Jimmy notice hes there alone. [ cheers and applause ] bachelor, wouldnt that be great . That was the playoffs. How this is guy going to react if the cubs win the world series . Somebodys going to have to watch him. Most of the focus in this series is on the cubs. Cleveland fans are serious too. The indians havent won the world series since 1948. The year in which this diehard tribe fan turned 36 years old. She is better known around here as nana. She as lifelong Cleveland Indians fan. If you can believe what your take a look at the shirt. Just one more. Im not going to mention that word, look how great she looks. This will pressure those indians players to win one for you. I want them to win one before i die. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy they better bin one. They better win one soon. Cease been an indians fan ever since she spent the first thanksgiving with them. [ laughter ] we have a great show for tonight. Gordon ramsay is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] master chef and master chef jr. , on that one he teaches the f word to kids. Gordon is known for his aggressive manner of speaking which is not for everyone. We tried something tonight. We took footage from the show and dubbed his voice with more pleasant, a friendlier voice. Im pleased to present the new and improved gordan ramsay. Look at all this [ bleep ]. [ [ guillermos voice ] look, what the [ bleep ] is this . What are you doing, melinda . What are you doing . You are making me mad. Making me [ bleep ] mad [ cheers and applause ] jimmy were going to wash your mouth out with sopapilla. Is threatening to boycott the Grammy Awards next year. Upset not because of his own music, hes upset because of somebody elses thing, because frank oceans two most recent albums arent eligible because apparently they missed the submission deadline. Now he might skip the show in some sort of show of solidarity. Can you imagine a grammys without kanye being there . [ laughter ] seriously, go ahead and imagine it for a second. It will be peaceful, right . Not mad at the grammys . What he should do is threaten to show up at the grammys, that would fix them. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy the election is now two weeks from today. And donald trump is already laying the groundwork for a media empire. The Trump Campaign launched what they say will be a nightly show on Facebook Live last night called trump tower live. Some people believe hes starting to build a new channel called trump tv which is great news. Donald trump on tv. But if youre wondering what trump tv might possibly look like, theyre already pushing their first scripted series based on a popular conspiracy theory. On november 8th, look out, america. They. Thank you thank you. Thank you. [ growling ] [ growling ] arrghh arrghh the voting dead. Only on trum only on trump tv. [ cheers and jimmy i think its going to be a hit. That i can tell you. Say what you will about donald trump, the man loves this country, he loves america, in fact, he loves america so much he can not seem to keep his hands off or flag. . There aint no doubt i love this land . . God bless the usa . Cheers and when he sees a flag he just has to reach out and grab it by the stripes, i guess. Hey, bad news for those who are covered by obamacare. Premiums are going up next year by an average of 25 . The reasons why this is happening are too complicated to get into but heres the gist. If you hate obama, this is his fault. If you like him, its not his fault at all. The way people react to a story largely depends on how the storys presented and what they already think. So this afternoon when we oent the street, we higher premiums premiums, a good word most of the time. So we made it seem like higher premiums were a good thing. And this is how people took it in our firstever edition of positive spin. Good news today about obamacare, premiums will be increasing by 25 , thats double digits, are you psyched . Yeah. Sounds pretty good to me. Yeah. Did you think obama could pull it off . I think obama does a pretty good job. I believe in him. Premiums will increase by double digits. Isnt that great . Yes. Yeah, obama promised to raise the premiums and he did it, do you want to thank him . Yeah, definitely. Thank you, obama. For raising the premiums . For raising the premiums and bowl care. Do you feel like you finally have the high premium that is you deserve . Yeah. Definitely. At least my parents do. Yeah. What are they going to do with all that extra premium money theyre paying . I dont know, buy stuff . Great. Just for the people at home, could what Health Care Premiums are and why its great that theyre increasing . Theyre just, you know, health care stuff that are premium. Theyre going up. Because its better to go higher than to go lower. Do you think this will go down as one of president obamas greatest contributions to this country, raising those premiums double digits . Yeah, i think hes going to go out with a bang. I think hes the way hes going out is going to be the best, gangster. Double digits are pretty even more, more the better. Quadruple digits . Yes. How high would you like to see premiums go ideally . Five digits. Are your friends and family psyched to be spending more premium money . I wouldnt say psyched. Its just a thing. Its like we talk about its in the air. Its never really like a set thing that i feel like all my friends and me are talking about or Something Like that. Which it probably should be but its not. Its almost like you dont even understand it at all . Yeah. Most likely, yeah. Yeah. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy we have to take a break. When we come back from the break, former nasa engineer named marc rober is here to teach you pretty clever and easy to do halloween tricks as a way to torment your family, so stick [ rock music playing ] have fun with your replaced windows. Run away [ grunts ] leave him leave him [ music continues ] brick and mortar, what . [ music continues ] [ tires screech ] [ laughs ] [ doorbell rings ] when you bundle home and Auto Insurance with progressive, you get more than a big discount. Thats what you get for bundling home and auto jamie you get sneakygood coverage. Thanks. Were gonna live forever its back and bigger than ever Olive Gardens never ending pasta bowl, starting at 9. 99 endless combinations of your favorite pastas, sauces and toppings. And for the first time ever, chicken alfredo. Plus unlimited salad and breadsticks. For a limited time. At olive garden. . I will follow you, . . Ever since you touched my hand i knew . . I love you, i love you, i love you. . . Forever . We are a military family. They travel a lot. Every four years when we got restationed you think its going to be the biggest change in your life but theres always more changes to come. The first thing that we would do when we would get into our new place was set up the beds. And when i go to t. J. Maxx i buy good quality things that are going to last a long time. Everything i get there, i get at a lower price. Shopping at t. J. Maxx is always like a bonding experience. Discover real value worth sharing. I just think that home, its wherever your family is. Jimmy w jimmy welcome back to the show. Chef Gordon Ramsay, Felicity Jones, and music from Jimmy Eat World. Halloween is monday. Marc rober is here, a popular clever pranks and tricks you can do at home. This was marcs first Youtube Video from 2011. He cut a hole in his shirt and duct taped an ipad inside, in front and another one in back. He had fake blood then used facetime to make it look like you could see through his body hole. Tonight, here with more easy and clever ways to scare your family, please welcome former nasa engineer marc rober jimmy jimmy thanks for being here. I know youve been working on this coming up with new things. This seems like a waste of your brain, really, to me. Isnt it . No, its totally worth it. This matters, all right . The concept today is sort of like lastminute halloween ideas you can make with junk playing around your house. You procrastinated again this year. Jimmy everybody waits till the last minute. Things you can do and m impa impact. Three decoration ideas and three costumes. Well start over here. So this ones really simple. You know how you get those fake bugs. If you put one on the wall of your house, like that looks a little creepy, right . If you go to the dollar store and buy a buttload of these and put them on the wall of your house this is a lot creepy. Jimmy th jimmy thats great. By the way, the pictures a little disturbing. Jimmy th jimmy this is what my first apartment in tampa looked like. That would actually kill my wife. That would be the end of her. Most people would hate this. But its fun. Its especially fun for kids. Yeah, and easy, right . Jimmy fun if youre in a hotel and you call the maid up to your room. All right, what else do we have here . So this one is a way to take your pumpkin carving game to expert level. So youre going to carve something simple like this. Jimmy yeah. This is simple. Jimmy thats pretty great. Theres a free app, digital dudz. Dudz. Download it. Then put it inside the pumpkin and secure it there. When you do, and double tap it you win. I mean, right . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy what if youre unable to harvest the pumpkin . Im glad you asked. You dont have to be michelangelo to make this look simple one, right . Then you could add dry ice to the inside and just its like a nice touch. Jimmy dry ice sales must skyrocket around halloween. I would think so. Jimmy id think most of the dry ice in this country look at that. [ cheers and applause ] thats very simple. You just take two 500 pieces of electronic equipment and put them in a wet gourd and youve got a hilarious thing. All gh here . This is our last kind of decor item. Take a jar like this add some food coloring. Then youre going to take a picture of your buddy from the front and the side. Jimmy thats your buddy . Photoshop it. Then you kind of stick it in there. Jimmy what, did you laminate it . Laminate it. Excellent point. Then get a cheap wig and stick [ applause ] [ applause ] jimmy is it raise to do on photoshop . Photoshop . Its easyish. It looks even better if you do someone you know. [ cheers and applause ] a as a man of science, these look really creepy. As a man of science i want to do an experiment to see exactly how creepy. So i took your severed head and put it in the refrigerator of my friends and family. Jimmy oh, great. Yeah. Jimmy i boss wondering why i felt a chill. All right. Oh, youve got a camera in there. Aah jimmy theres guillermo. Aah what is that . Jimmy i think i would react a lot more strongly than they lamination is going to be the hard part of that. But otherwise youre in the clear. What do we have now . What are you doing now . This is like a cool thing to have. When kids come to your house trickortreating, right . It looks like super realistic. Jimmy it is. And the key is just like youre bending your wrist like this. It is Pretty Simple to pull off. Get a fake hand from the store, chop it in half, take a gardening glove, then you sort of glue the fingers actual stump and cut a slit in the wrist and put your hand through and bend it. Jimmy this would be fun at traffic lights also. [ laughter ] thats a good one. Thats pretty good, right . Jimmy thats very good. So this ones perhaps my favorite. Because its really easy to pull off. Jimmy yes. Youre going to get an old shirt you dont want, you cut a hole in it. You use paint for fake blood. Then again youre going to use shirt. You show up at the party in jeans and a shirt and people are like, dude, thats lame, wheres your costume . Youre like, oh, you mean this old thing . Jimmy a beating heart. Youve got a beating heart, thats right. Jimmy i happen to have a beating heart in my old. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy disgusting. If beating hearts make you squeamish, double tap and you ge and got knows what video you could put in there. All right, youve got one more costume for us. Our final idea is you take a cheap mask like this. And then take some of your clothes. And you put them all on upside down. And then this happens. Jimmy you put the mask on your your man parts. This requires some sort of athletic ability. This is not for everyone. Oh, wow, look at that, wow. Mark rober, everybody. Thank you, mark. Mark has more tricks on his youtube channel. Tonight on the show, music from jimmy and the world. Felicity jones is here. Well be right back with Gordon Ramsay [ cheers and [ cheers and applause ] . Dicky portions of Jimmy Kimmel Live are brought to you by ally. Do it right. . . . Inside the rack houses of jim beam, every barrel is aged four long years, for a fuller, smoother flavor. Our history is made from the inside. Jimmy he jimmy hello there, welcome back to the show. Tonight from the Star Wars Star wars rogue one and the new sequel to the da vinci code infer inferno, Felicity Jones is here. Then their latest album is called integrity blues Jimmy Eat World from the crown royal stage. It always makes me hungry when Jimmy Eat World is on the show. Tomorrow night Andrew Garfield will be here, mario batali will join us, well have music from conor oberst. And on thursday miles teller, science bob pflugfelder, and chef who came to this country to dispel the myth that brits are more polite than we are. He has cooked and cursed his way to season 16 of Hells Kitchen watch it friday nights on fox. Please say hello to Gordon Ramsay. [ cheers and [ cheers and applause ] . Good to see you. Jimmy you get bigger and stronger every single time youre here. Im starting to fear for my life in five years. I suppose its all to keep fit as i get older. Jimmy are you on steroids . Whats going on with you . My god. May i feel your body . Holy cow, its ridiculous. You might have to run for governor with all this. No, no, no, no. Jimmy you turn 50 on election day in two weeks. [ cheers and applause ] no, no, 49. Its the worth birthday. Everybody wants to talk about your 50th. Im just like, come on. Let me celebrate my 49th in peace. How inconsiderate to have an election on my birthday. Jimmy it is inconsiderate. Shockers. Jimmy nobodys going to be paying attention to your birthday. Will you mind that nobodys paying attention . Its our youngest daughters birthday as well, we share the birthday . Does that give you an extra bond . No, no, tillys going to be 15. So about five years ago she said, da birthdays now, youve had enough, lets celebrate mine in a much bigger way. Shes coming over and were going to do a little in fact, were going to be jimmy shes coming over . She doesnt live in your house . Shes in england. Jimmy oh, in england, thats what the accent is, i was wondering what was going on. Were going to be working and maybe go out for a wonderful dinner. Jimmy why is she going to be working . The show, a little skit on box, have a bit of fun. Jimmy i gotcha, thats good, that seems like a fun birthday. Amazing. Who cares about your birthday, really. When you get to be an adult, enough already. I know. 50, some schmuck said the best thing about being 50 is its the gateway to 60. Im thinking [ bleep ], [ bleep ]. Were not into our 50s yet and youre talking about 60. Jimmy which do you think is worse, 50 or 60 . 39. [ laughter ] jimmy 39 is a little bit its weird. Yeah. Yeah, its been a tough one. The beginning of the year i rupture mid achilles. Jimmy right. I guess my son in the back garden, turned around, bang, achilles went. For the first time in ever, ten weeks, i had to literally sit down, feet up. Jimmy i cant imagine you sitting down. Ten weeks . Shocking. I could only put my leg down for jimmy what did you do . All the kids bolted out early. Jimmy nobody stayed around to take care of dad . No, no, no. It was quite sad. I had a sort of backpack, a rucksack on my back, my breakfast in there. I was like shuffling around the house on my ass. It was depressing. They packed you up like a toddler at camp. Exactly. [ laughter ] i wasnt even allowed to go to the bathroom. So i had this sort of embarrassing carton. Jimmy a carton . To go for like a little, you gentlemans thing. Jimmy well, i know what i have it too, yeah. But no, but just getting to the bathroom on crutches straight after surgery. Jimmy thats no good. Wow. Sounds like you can use a new year here, huh . So damn mad, that was a tough one . You did something i was jealous. I saw that you were in austin, texas, over the weekend. And you had one of the great dining spots in all the united states, franklins barbecue [ laughter ] no, no, no. That was incredible. You know that, seriously. Jimmy ive eaten there many times and its fantastic. And the line. Did you wait in the line . The line goes around the corner. And they say they never let anyone cut the line. [ laughter ] you always get me into trouble. You know, us chefs have a bit of a bond, we look after each other. To answer the question, no. Jimmy other chefs are allowed to cut the line. Just knock o delicious, brilliant. Jimmy do they have barbecue like this in europe or is america the mecca . Nowhere near it, honestly. I came from dubai on a flight 16 1 2 hours. I was telling them, please no food. Are you ill, youre not eating . I said, no, im starving myself ahead of this incredible barbecue. When i got there i was so excited. Look at the size of that tray. Jimmy i know. That was for two. Jimmy oh, thats a tray for two. Yeah, th