Preexisting medical condition . Yes. What are they . Well, youre the doctor. You supposed to be telling me. Thats why i pay you all the money. I pay, you tell. Okay. How long have you been blind . I aint blind. You telling me you wear these clothes on purpose . Its called style. Yes. Bad style is still style. Your pulse is fine. Lets take a look at your ears. Okay, okay. Go ahead. Mmhmm. You see . Mmhmm. What you see, doc . That wall needs painting. Your ears are too big, but theyre okay. Oh. You think i got big earalitis . Possibly. Okay. Pressure is okay. Lets take a look at your reflexes. Now, before you do that, let me tell you this. I got catlike reflexes. Im Something Like a cat. Okay. [ snarls ] i start you see . I started to scratch your eyes out, just see, i told i told you. Note to self have patient neutered. Okay, this is the fun part. The foreplay is over. Its what i like to call lets poke that prostate. Oh, pros oh, oh, okay. I know what youre talking about. [ clears throat ] let me swallow, get all this mucus out of my throat. There you go. Ahh. No. Its not in there. Oh, in my chest . Well, get your thing and listen to my chest. You dont want to listen to you can listen to my intestines. Youre getting warmer. You my hip side . Turn it around, youll be on fire oh, now youre talking about. Bingo the devil is alive now you drop them, and we get acquainted and before you ask hey. Where this is the best part where are you going . Cora and i are going to the mall. Want me to bring back something . Yeah, my youth and a hawaiian shirt. Ill see what i can do. See you later, colonel. Oh, and, colonel, your lunch is there in the fridge. Thanks. Ill be sure to eat the pizza. Uh. Edna, i dont say a word. Ill handle you when i get back. Bye, colonel. Save me some pizza all right. Bye, cora. Young man, you seriously need to consider another career choice. I came by to thank you for the advice. Im gonna take you up on it. You, sir, are a wise and generous man. And, uh, i bought you a doublecheese cheeseburger pizza. Oh. They gave me the employee discount before i got fired. Oh. So you gonna join the marines like your father, huh . My dads gonna be proud. [ chuckles ] you know, i remember when i enlisted kicking butt and taking names. [ chuckles ] you ever lose a man . Oh, no, no, no. You never leave a man behind. Your father can tell you the same thing. My father died in the gulf war. Oh. Im sorry to hear that. This is him. Right here on the end. Private Darryl Phillips. Private Darryl Phillips. You recognize the guy next to him . Thats. Thats you. Major Cleophus Jackson two tours in vietnam, promoted to colonel in 1983, retired 1992. Widower, one daughter, karen, and. The man who let my father die. [ female announcer ] kleenex tissues help stop moisture better than the leading competitor. Save yourself from an awkward situation. Dont get caught without kleenex tissues. Save yourself from an awkward situation. Olive gardens never ending pasta bowl is back. Unlimited breadsticks and salad, plus never ending combinations of pasta and sauce just 9. 99. And even unlimited meatballs, sausage or chicken for 2. 99. Its all unlimited when you go olive garden. Causing dark marks to become visible. Dove has the effective solution. Dove® cleartone™ antiperspirant. The result . Underarms with visibly reduced dark marks and an even tone. Try dove cleartone. You have the wrong information, son. Dont you ever call me son. Youre the reason i dont have a father. And i want answers. Answers to what . You havent asked me any questions. Dont play with me, old man m1911. Colt. 45, huh . Same one you used in nam. [ doorbell rings ] whos that . Edna and her friend. They probably forgot something. But they dont have anything to do with this. I got eight rounds, plenty for everybody. So get rid of them. [ doorbell rings ] get rid of them now brown, what are you doing here . Colonel, that doctor tried to go places that man have never gone before. Brown, you have to get out of here. I aint going back there. Brown, if you stay here, you may experience a shooting pain. Colonel, if i go back to that doctor, im gonna experience a shooting pain. You know what . I done got hungry. Saving my hide done got me hungry. What yall got to eat . Well, uh, edna cooked some killer tuna. I mean, its to die for. Uh, i wouldnt eat ednas cooking if they put a gun to my head. Exactly brown, you need to go back to the doctor and get help because youre at deaths door. You you the one twitching. Whats wrong with your thats the way they do when they need that crack. You on you got you on that stuff, aint you . Youre itching and stuff. Brown, you need to go get help, make sure everything is all clear. Oh oh okay, colonel. Thank you so i didnt know you cared that much im gonna get help. Good. So youre going to get help . Yes im gonna go back to that doctor cause i know i need help, and i got to get it done. I may as well. Thank you, colonel. You saved my life. Wish i could say the same thing to you. You know what . You know what . And you. Its just rude for you to stand back here, knowing im here all this time, you done delivered a pizza, and you heard me say im hungry. Thats rude. Thats what that is rude. Im gonna just take the whole thing. Colonel, im gonna eat it in the car on the way. Thats rude. Thats whats wrong with these children now. They rude. Ill see you, colonel. Just shoot me. I wasnt talking to you. Just a prostate exam for me lord, let my prostate be tiny hey just i knew youd be back. Howd you know . Men are all the same. At first, they play hard to get, and then they realize they cant live without me okay, okay, doc, look. Why dont you grab a seat, pull it up, and we just talk this out and get to know each other better . Lets just get to know one another. I am not interested in your mind. Im interested in your body. Now lets get this Party Started okay. Wait, wait, doc. Wait what . Is this gonna hurt . I promise you i wont feel a thing. Okay, stand up and face the wall. Okay. Our father. Who art in heaven, hall wait, wait hold on, doc just give me a minute, now im not ready for this what . Do you need a drink . Now, you not gonna try to lure me in with no alcohol. I dont drink, no. Now would be a good time to start. Okay, doc. Phew. Okay. Okay. Wait a minute. Relax. Breathe normally. [ panting ] now exhale. Exhale, exhale. Breathe, shamu breathe aah im not gonna make it this my last day on earth tell my daughter, cora, she got a halfbrother mr. Brown, please no, no, tell curtis payne i kissed ella, and she liked it when we were little she liked it aah mr. Brown no what the calm down, please. Did you just oh. What the. I just im calmed down as calm as im gonna get aah im calm maybe this will help. Ohh it works every time you know, youre nothing like your father. Private Darryl Phillips was a keep my fathers name out of your mouth well, you want answers. You dont know everything about him. I dont know anything about my father i dont know if his speeches would have kept me out of trouble. I dont know what his laugh sounded like. He wasnt there this is what i know. He was a soldier. And he died on your watch. No your father died to save the lives of every man in that picture thats a bunch of bull i know because i was there but somehow the man with all the stripes on his sleeve managed to come back alive. I gave the command for his platoon to board the choppers. And he was the last one on and got killed. Ive heard it before no, your father jumped out when he saw an rpg aimed at us. I should have sent a recon unit to sweep the area, but what happened . He took out the rpg before before taking on sniper fire, and i never forgave myself. Why didnt you make him stay on your father was strongwilled just like you. Most men enlist to fight and protect this country, but your father had a different agenda. What the hell is that supposed to mean . But he always said, the only reason im here is so i can be a better man than my father, so my son can be a better man than me. He said that . Twice a day and three times on sunday. Hmm. Good lord, that man could talk. My. Still having your little pizza party here . Uh, edna, this is Darryl Phillips son. From the corps . Yes. [ laughs ] you you know about my father . Do i . Every chance the colonel gets, he tells that story. Cora, this young mans father saved the colonels life. Really . What is your name . Darryl phillips jr. Oh. Darryl phillips jr. , son of a hero. Why dont you have dinner with us . Oh, oh, no, no, no. You dont want to do that. Thats okay. Yeah, you its a pleasure to meet you. Excuse me. Nice to meet you, son. Huh . Yes. I guess theres something you got to do. Im afraid so, son. Surrender your weapon. This ammo is old. It would have jammed or blown up in your face. How did you know that youll learn when you enlist. Yes, sir. Whats that . Sir, yes, sir, colonel, sir. All right. Youre dismissed. Whew. I got the nerve to take the exam now. Give me the shot. Come on. What shot . Procedure is over. What . Doc, look me in the eye. Look me dead in the eye and just tell me, am i gonna die . Absolutely. How long i got . How long cora got her daddy for . Another 30 years. [ laughs ] ha ha ha. Youre fine, but listen. Prostate cancer is the numbertwo killer of black men in america. Wow. Whats number one . Black women. No i kid oh ha ha its Heart Disease so take care of yourself. Thank you, dr. Jawfalocomocaca. Hey, it wasnt as bad as you thought, huh . No, no, it wasnt as bad as i thought. I still feel a little, you know yeah, a little dirty, but thats okay. Highfive, doc. No, i dont know where your hands been. Never mind. Thank you very much. Doc, what you do with my clothes . You trying to wear my stuff. [ as dr. Jawfy ] i kidding, i kidding go Olive Gardens never ending pasta bowl. Its all unlimited just 9. 99. And even unlimited meatballs, sausage, or chicken for 2. 99. Go olive garden. Join us monday through thursday and kids eat free. Get the coupon at olivegarden. Com smuggler. [ male announcer ] crispety, crunchety, peanutbuttery butterfinger. Nobodys gonna lay a finger on my butterfinger. No ninjas. Hi. Im david mann. Did you know that Prostate Cancer is the most commonly diagnosed cancer among men in america . Early detection can increase your chance of survival. The center for Disease Control and prevention recommends that all men get tested annually. Africanamerican men and other men who have a Family History of the disease should be tested as early as 40. All other men should be tested annually beginning at age 50. Prostate cancer is no joke, so get tested. Your life depends on it. Good luck with your wrapper. My eyes are gettin weary my back is gettin tight im sittin here in traffic on the queensboro bridge tonight but i dont care, cause all i want to do is cash my check and drive right home to you cause, baby, all my life i will be drivin home to you captioning made possible by Sony Pictures television [tv plays] so, saturday night, huh . Saturday night. This is sweet. It do not get better than this. It do not. So is this just a phase, or is this. Pretty much it for us . What do you wanna do . Something a little bit more actionpacked. You wanna go hit amateur night at a strip club . I think theres a middle ground. Um. Hey, lets go see a movie. A movie . I like your spunk well, lets go, bub. We are goin to the movies i am excited. And you know what . Im gonna wear that new underwear you bought me. I look forward to that. Since were going, lets call deac and invite him. Uh. Not gonna happen. Hes not ready to start goin out yet. Come on. Its been 2 months since kelly left him. Hes gotta have a movie in him. Look, we can call him, but im telling ya, hes not even answering his phone anymore. And you gotta hear his machine. Brutal. [ring] answering machine hi. This is deacon. Im not here right now. Ahem. [voice breaks] if youre calling for kelly. Or my children. Theyre at her mothers at 7325551012. [whispers] ii gotta go. Just act normal. [machine beeps] hey, buddy, its, uh, its doug and carrie. Hey, fella anyway, uh, look, man, i know youre there, so just pick up the phone. Come on, man, huh . Were going to the movies, and we wanna invite you along. Come on, man, its movie time. Da da da da da dada tsstsstsstsstsstss the raisinettes are playin trumpet, and, hey, surround sound, huh . [echoing] whoaoa. Whoaoa. Whaaaaaaa. Eeeeeeeeeeeeee. [high voice] dingalingaling alingaling. [doorbell rings] hey, guy see, honey, i told you we shouldnt have worn pants. Now weve embarrassed him, huh . I kid. Whats going on . Ha ha hey well, i guess we know who the neat freak in the relationship was, huh . Did you get our message . Yeah, you guys are, what getting some raisinettes or something . We called to ask you to the movies. Now were takin you by force. Im kinda in the middle of a project right now. What are you doing . Im going through these old pictures, seeing if kelly ever looked happy with me. I dont think she did. She was. She just had a very sour face in general. Yeah, thats true. She frowned at everything. Oh, yeah. If she won the lottery, shed be like, yeah, i won uhhuh. Come on. Were serious. Go to the movies with us. Yeah, come on, man. Hey, ill let you feel me up, then ill let ya have a run at carrie. Come on its justyou know what . Hanging out with a couple right now is just not a great idea. Where you going . Im getting my box of pictures from the honeymoon. If i get lucky, maybe ill find a smirk, i dont know. Doug, we gotta get him out of here. You heard him. He wont go. Maybe he wont go out with us, but why dont you take him out . Ill bail. Look at this place. Its getting pretty scary. Cereal in a frisbee . Come on actually, that was mine from 2 weeks ago. Please, just take him out. Go somewhere. Where . I dont know. Go to a nightclub. A nightclub . Yeah. You used to love clubs. You used to be like big, fun club guy. Yeah, but now im big fallasleepwith crumbsonmychest guy. People change. Well, youre not doing this for you. Youre doing this for deacon. Come on, honey, we gotta get him out of here before he humps the photo album fine. Ill take him out. Hey, deac, buddy, come on, man. You and i are gonna go out without carrie. Lets go ok. I think its gonna have to be another night. Why . cause he just put his pajamas on. Actually, i think he might have just put kellys pajamas on. Carrie, im gonna need you to read this, and every time you see the words hamburger patty, highlight it in blue. Ok. Also, have you met lila . Uh, lila. No. Shes thompsons new assistant. I gotta tell you, she looks exactly like you. Really . Yeah. Its incredible. Really. Well, ii cant comment. Havent seen her. Well, you wanna see her . Here. Thats her. All right. The club scene. Its all comin back. So gimme some guidelines ladywise. What do you like . What do you need . You like big boobs, little boobs . Fullfigured, skinny, skanky . Talk to me, goose. Id like anyone who wont take my kids in the middle of the night and move to jersey, thats what id like. Will you forget about that . All right, come on. Now, look. I want you to have one conversation with a pretty girl. Thats all im asking. Candy shop is open. Pick yourself a lolly. I dont know. I guess theyre kinda cute. There you go. Perfect. Look at em sitting there. They have no idea how their lives are about to change. Theyre helpless antelopes. Were lions in the grass. Let the hunt begin. So go ahead. I thought you were going. Me . I dont need to meet women. You just said, tell me who you like. Thats what the pimp says before he goes and gets you the girl. Im not your pimp. Im your white sidekick. Now, you go no, i dont want to. Lets get outta here. No, fine, ill do it, all right . Jeez man. Its been a while since ive done this. My heart is pumpin. What was my old routine again . Oh, yeah, shake it out, untuck, and roll. Hey there. I dont know if you ladies watch professional roller derby, but. Im doug heffernan. Its gonna get ya rhythm is gonna get ya rhythm is gonna get ya tonight [shouts] oheyohey oheyohey ohey all right. What time is it . Its quarter to 2 00. Whassup . Wow. Howd it go . Oh, it was great. I was dancin, had a few beers, met a drunk dude who kept highfivin me all night. You see . You were fighting me on this, and it went great. Yeah. Oh, and by the way, it turns out when youre happily married and youre not desperate to pick someone up, the chicks just start flyin atcha. Ha ha ha. At cha or at deacon . Dont worry about it. Come on. It was great for deacon. He got out. He got his feet wet. I learned what type of woman he likes, which is, p. S. , bootylicious. Thats good. You did good, honey. Thanks. So were gonna kick it back there on thursday. What . Youre going back there again . Yeah, whatd you think, i was gonna get him remarried in one night . Im good, but im not that good. All right, its late. Im going to bed. Come on stay down here with me. Im up now lets party. Come on, partyyy [telephone rings] mr. Thompsons office. Oh, no, she left. Im his new assistant lila. Hes in court this morning. All right, ill tell him you called. Byebye. [coughs] [sneezes] oh, bless you. Thank you. [dance music playing] all right. Tonight, i wanna see some progress, guy. Tonight, its all about you. This is your time. This is your town. You ready . Not really, b good. Lets go. Hey, man, whats going on . Hey, man hey, eddie tonight, youre buying hey whats happening . There they are, the girls of fordham u. I know i cant afford em. You . Whats up, lizard . Couple buds. [reggae dance music playing] [loud music plays] you having fun what . You having fun . what . All right what . [dance music playing] served on a toasted pretzel roll, our new bacon avocado chicken sandwich comes with fries and your choice of soup or salad. Its just one of chilis delicious lunch break combos. More life happens here. Even when you dont now yhave time for a break break with new kit kat minis. Poppable, bitesized minis that let you make break time anytime
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