Oh, good. Its a techsavvy group. Then you probably know. Every year intel comes out with a list of the most dangerous celebrities. These are people who if you search for them online youre most at risk for getting a virus or malware or the mumps. Or whatever you get from the computer. This year the most dangerous celebrity to search is amy schumer. Justin bieber is number two. And number three is carson daly. I tell you something, once we were at a restaurant, there was no ketchup on the table, he murdered the waiter. [ laughter ] this was at brunch. Hes a dangerous guy. Last year i was the 26th most dangerous. Before that, in 2014, i was number one. I was the number one most dangerous. This year ive plummeted to number 32. Which is still a dangerous number. That was o. J. s number. [ laughter ] its a little bit depressing. The sad fact is im not as dangerous as i used to be. Guillermo yeah, jimmy. Especially when you dont eat anything all day. Jimmy especially when i dont eat. Anyway. Donald trump got some bad news today too. According to forbes magazine, Donald Trumps wealth is down 800 million from last year. Hes only worth 3. 7 billion now. And ill tell you something, mexico is going to pay for it. [ laughter ] but th selfworth is at an alltime high. [ laughter ] trump was in florida last night. Today he was in chicago, iowa, and wisconsin. And with all this racing around ranting and raving, we like to help donald slow down. We did just that for tonights edition of drunk donald trump. [ tape playing very slow ] see that plane . See that plane . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy yesterday, in case you didnt know, was National Register to vote day. Did any of you see that video katy perry made . She made a video. She gets naked and tells people to register to vote. It got like 6 million views already. Hopefully it encouraged people to sign up. But heres the thing. Why does katy perry have to get naked to get us to register to vote . I mean, dont get me wrong, it against it. [ laughter ] katy perry getting naked for any reason. But anyone who needs katy perry to take her shirt off in order to register to vote should not be allowed to register to vote. And what if the strategy works . What if its effective and millions of people do vote because of katy perrys breasts . What will they do next time to get our attention . Next, in 2020, if you register to vote, Ariana Grande will give you a [ bleep ]. Jimmy are we allowed to say i guess well find out. Everybody line up one at a time and listen, when you get to the front of the line, have your pants down because ariana has a voting is not something you should have to be sexually excited to do. Its our responsibility as americans to register to vote, to go to our local polling place, and make a choice between two people nobody can believe are our only available options. [ laughter ] i tell you something. The way things are going, i feel like were maybe one or two elections away from having our next president come from the ufc. [ laughter ] if you thought the debate was freewheeling, the ufc had a press conference yesterday to promote, theyre having their firstever fight in new york city, ufc 205, Conor Mcgregor versus eddie alvarez. Conor took a question from is a lot more popular than boxing. Take a look around you. Youve got a lot of champions, grizzled vets. Who do you think would give you the hardest fight of anybody on stage . Right here. The hardesthitting 145er right here. This guy tkos people. When i knock people out, they dont [ bleep ] move. Who the [ bleep ] is that guy . Jimmy its a good question. That would be a debate. Meanwhile, here in california we have a couple of new laws on the way or potentially on the way. Governor jerry brown just signed a bill that will require websites like imdb, which provides information about movies and tv shows, to delete an actors age if the actor requests it. Imdb will no longer be allowed to include an actors age as part of their biography. Which is great news for people who have never heard of wikipedia where you can get that position immediately. Im glad actors can now have their lawyers remove their ages from imdb. Until now all theyve been able to do is have their doctors remove it from their faces. [ laughter ] theres a proposition on the ballot here in california, prop 60, that will require adult film actors to wear condoms. I assume this only applies to the men. To the male . Is this a thats a sexist thing, the women dont have to wear condoms, why should the men . If the proposition passes, producers of the movies are upset, they say it will chase business out of the state and cost the porn industry millions and millions of dollars. How does the porn industry still make millions and millions of dollars . As far as i know, no one has paid for porn since 2006. [ laughter ] its free now. And i will add this. [ cheers and applause ] for those who are upset, havent we stockpiled enough condomfree porn to last, i dont know, a few hundred thousand more years . Its a weird law. Will somebody have to monitor . I would give that job to meter maids, to the parking people. Theyre very handson. Theyre on top of it. This is an exciting time to live in california. November 8th we get to vote on porn stars and pot. We might as well change the state flag to a no fear tank top, we really should. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] california is more prone to earthquakes than any other the big one could strike at any minute so you have to be prepared. If you really want to be prepared and you have 6,000 laying around, you might want to invest in one of these. . . . Jimmy and if youre not found quickly, it makes a very sturdy coffin for you. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy ive always wanted a suffocation machine. Heres another ridiculous new product. Nissan, the car company from japan, unveiled their latest driving technology this week. And this is not a car. Its a selfdriving chair. This is a chair that moves on revolutionize laziness as we know it. [ laughter ] selfdriving charles. Chairs. Dont we already i think these are called wheelchairs, right . [ laughter ] i mean, we have these. Heres an interesting statistic about driving. According to department of transportation the fastestgrowing group of americans behind the wheel are people over the age of 85. 85plus. Theyre the fastestgrowing. And the slowestdriving group. Of all the i guess people are living longer and theyre more continuing to drive, the Auto Industry is doing its best to appeal to this emerging new market. Are todays cars just too complicated . The backup cameras, touch screens, and gpss . Isnt it time there was a car for you . Introducing the jitterbug car. From the makers of the cell phone your son forced you to buy comes a car that does only what you need it to. With features like fm radio. A speedometer that tops out at 25. Never turns off. Click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click. What . The allnew volkswagen jitterbug. Available at walgreens. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy they really have everything. We have to take a break. When we come back from the meditation class. Shes very high strung. It did not go well, but stick around [ cheers and applause ] . Man, im glad aflac pays cash. Aflac isnt Major Medical enough . No whos gonna help cover the holes in their plans . Aflac like rising copays and deductibles. Aflaaac and everyday expenses . Aflac learn about one day pay at aflac. Com boat inside the rack houses of jim beam, every barrel is aged four long years, for a fuller, smoother flavor. Our history is made from the inside. How will you make yours . . . You dont own me . . Dont try to change me in any way . O do . . Just let me be myself . . Thats all i ask of you . The new 2017 corolla with Toyota Safety sense standard. . You dont own me . Toyota. Lets go places. Can a toothpaste do everything well . This clean was like pow it added this other level of clean to it. 6x cleaning my teeth are glowing. They are so white. 6x whitening step 2, whitens. Every time i used this together, it felt like leaving the dentist office. Crest hd. 6x cleaning , 6x whitening i would switch to crest hd over what i was using before. Crest. Healthy, beautiful smiles for life. What is that . Man, i dont know. Ask google . . . . . . . . . . [ . Diggy . By spencer ludwig] jimmy welcome back to the show. Sarah jessica parker, daveed diggs, music from dan and shay is on the way. If you watch regularly, you know aunt chippy is a very, how would you describe her . Guillermo bossy. Demanding. Jimmy bossy and demanding. Angry, she yells. Guillermo and crazy too. Jimmy crazy too. So we decided we wanted to help her learn to relax. So cousin sal, guillermo, and meditation. Heres how that went. Everything requires stairs. Doesnt anybody know what an elevator looks like . Jimmy aunt chippys already mad. Does anybody have an escalator in their building . Jimmy she doesnt like stairs. She gets very upset. Everything in california is uphill. Even downhill is uphill. Guillermo its good for you. Jimmy you see why were here . Yes. Jimmy this woman is were going to come in, learn meditation, center in the breath, calm ourselves. Jimmy all right, lets try it. Come on lets have open minds here. When i first met the students i was a little nervous. Because they all came in a group. And i was aware that there would be camaraderie. And they might have a hard time sitting still. I weigh almost 200 pounds, you want me to sit like that . You, is okay . Thats fine. In meditation we choose a focal point. In choosing that focal point, we calm our system down. Think of meditation as the ocean. Right . Deeper and deeper within ones self. You know andy . Andy . The india guy, you remember the guy gandhi . Gandhi, yeah. Dont wear clothes. Yeah, okay. Youve been with gandhi . Jimmy what . Gandhi, the india guy. Hes ver jimmy i know, i know. The guy, whats his name, he make the movie gandhi . Jimmy ben kingsley. I got picture with him, he took with me, very nice guy. He did the movie in morocco. Jimmy what movie does this remind you of . Deep, deep, the movie deep. The ocean in one movie im going to drown you in that ocean. Ooh jimmy see that, she snapped. Can i have a peaceful family to go along with this absolutely not. Its really inside. Whats happening inside. Jimmy inside its marlboro cigarette smoke. Inside its marlboro cigarettes. Guillermo pollution. Jimmy we need to get aunt chippy unpolluted. There is a quick way to do that . Breathing. Breathe all the way down to the belly. All the way down to here. Yeah. Jimmy why are you feeling each others bellies . Guillermo i want to make sure hes doing it right. Me too. Else but the smell in this place is really nice. Sal quiet, please. What did he say that idiot . Jimmy he said, quiet, please. Have you ever heard so much talking in a meditation . Never. Definitely never. I was taken with how observant chippy was. I really felt that she was hyperobservant. She didnt need to voice all of her observations, but the fact that she noticed them is step so when were communicating we want to use eye language. Instead of saying, you did this, you did that, we want to say, i feel this way when. Jimmy i think you are a loudmouth. Like that kind of thing. I think youre a [ bleep ]. Jimmy is that right . Is it working . Sal i think your eyelash is going to fly off. So lets close our eyes. Jimmy oh, yeah, right. Were supposed to go back. You want to breathe. In and out. Guillermo thats what i want, innout. If i start drooling will you please wipe my mouth . Yeah. Jimmy do you make meditation tapes . Because my aunt chippy is available for voiceover work if you need someone with a soothing, mellifluous melodious. Why dont we focus on something that brings you joy and happiness. Little bit of joy. Smack the crap out of these two kids. Jimmy thats a good question. Have you ever enjoyed a sunset . Be honest. Yes. Your uncle went to hawaii and left me home. And brought me a video of the sunset. He spent freaking nuts, you crazy bastard are you [ bleep ] crazy . You wonder why i want to smack the [ bleep ], [ bleep ] you made me deaf in one ear jimmy i feel youre being very negative toward my cousin right now. Sal thank you. You little [ bleep ]. You do that again, i swear to god ill knock your teeth out of your mouth. Sal im going to knock jimmy i swear to god. I swear to god im going to knock your teeth out of your mouth and ill feel good about it. Jimmy i think we made a breakthrough. Laughing meditation, which is a thing. Jimmy thats right, ive heard about that. Hes in a laughing meditation. Guillermo i knew that. See the sense of joy . Jimmy its making me happy. Guillermo im very happy most of the time. Jimmy see that . You could be like that. If you werent so bitter and negative. I mean, im sorry. I think you could be like that if i you werent so bitter and negative. So weve only meditated probably 30 seconds total. Jimmy maybe, if that. Maybe we should just bring it back to the breath for a minute. Breathing in and out of the nose. And with we should probably put the cell phone sal i have a lot of money on the San Francisco giants. Were actually not allowed to have them in here. Im going to try this. Im going to really try this. Jimmy yeah. We had almost four seconds of do you feel that stillness . That quiet . You son of a bitch. Jimmy aunt chippy what is wrong with you . No physical violence. No physical violence. Jimmy you cant do that, no physical violence. Do you have to bang that thing in my ear that wasnt okay either. Jimmy she does make a good point. What the hells the matter with you . So there were a lot ive never had that much talking. Ive certainly never had a student actually use a disruptive tool to awaken or deafen another student. So that was definitely a first. As was the violence for sure. The hitting. As you can see sal were done. Lets be done. Were done jimmy we apologize to everyone. We have a good show tonight. Music from dan and shay, daveed diggs is here. Be right back with Sarah Jessica parker [ cheers and applause ] [ on the road again, by Willie Nelson ] . On the road again . [ rear alert sounds ] [ music stops ] . Just cant wait to get on the road again . [ front assist sounds ] [ music stops ] [ girl laughs ] . On the road again . . Like a band of gypsies we go down the highway . No matter which passat you choose, you get more standard features, for less than you expected. Hurry in and lease the 2017 passat s alright, did you know i was the mommy slam dunk champion . Yes, really dont sound so surprised. Lets see it oh youre ready. Alright, here we go. Lets hear the crowd. Ahhhh i go to the right. I go to the left. Fake em out. Mama go up, up, up she did it. Again . You cant avoid gravity. But unitedhealthcare can help you avoid financial surprises by helping you compare costs and doctor quality ratings. Unitedhealthcare [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hi, there. Welcome back to the show. Tonight a gentleman who won a tony for his work in the big hit hamilton, you can see him on blackish, daveed diggs is here with us tonight. After that this is their album called obsessed. Dan and shay from the samsung outdoor stage. Tomorrow night, armie hammer will be with us tomorrow, piper perabo will join us, music from damian junior marley, which whenever the marleys come to the show no work seems to get done. Our first guest tonight is an emmy and golden globewinning star of stage and screen and sex and cities. She is back to fill our sunday nights. Her new hbo show divorce premieres october 9th. Please welcome Sarah Jessica parker [ cheers and applause ] . Jimmy how are you doing . You smell really good. Im pleased its not the contrary. Jimmy yes, you smell wonderful, you look fantastic. Youre so fit. Jimmy im wearing spanx, yeah. Well, its working beautifully. Jimmy its great to have you here. I feel like you being out of new york is like seeing a snowman on the beach or something. Its like a rare and magical am i just imagining that . Or do you rarely come out here . Well, i am not often in los angeles. But in my younger past, i spent a decent amount of time here. Not intentionally, though i was happy. Jimmy uhhuh. [ laughter ] but there was a period of time where there was a huge amount of work here. And so i came out here for a job. And actually the first time i pegs. Jimmy right, i remember that show. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy jamie gertz was on that . Right, tracey nelson. At that time, i lived at the really quite chic establishment, that oakwood garden apartments. Jimmy oh, yeah. I used to live right near those. Its really a fine jimmy its for those who dont know, and most people dont know, every actor its like the pool filter of you at some point get stuck in it, right . Yeah, i think its sort of like a milestone in a career. But at that time i was a young girl and i was living there with my mother because thats where we were told by the by louis v. Mayer, the studio system. It seemed to me it was a beacon for those who were just divorced. Jimmy oh, yeah. Men of a certain age. Jimmy because its furnished, yeah. Yeah, like an efficiency apartment. I remember thinking like, i feel like i think he likes i feel like maybe he likes me. You know there were a lot of men who seemed so available. That was my first home here. Jimmy great. It was brief. Its a high bar, high bar. Jimmy sure, yeah. Then i came here and i was working as an adult. You know, with like you know, like a legitimate adult. And i lived here. Then i kept getting work. And we continued. There was a fellow i was dating, i was jimmy the guy from the [ laughter ] yeah, that was just like an amusement i found a real man. And so we kept getting work here. And then one day, we bought a home here, actually. Jimmy oh. Which im certain we couldnt afford. Then one day i said, its time to go home. Like, it always felt temporary here. Jimmy are you originally from new york . Is that your hometown . Sort of, kind of. I moved there in 1976. Jimmy you started acting when you were a kid . Yes. You started out . I was 8. Jimmy you were 8 years old. Yeah, yeah. Jimmy and thats just an unusual thing just to start with. Just the idea that even your mom would say, like yeah, this is a good idea, lets go do this. Im not entirely certain she thought it was. But there was an ad in the paper. Actually at the time, living in cincinnati, ohio, a mecca of entertainment. Jimmy yes. And actually jimmy you and george clooney, i think. Yeah. But actually, i shouldnt make cincinnati i really mean this is a fantastic city. Jimmy its a great city yeah. There was a ballet company, a symphony, a regular wonderful theater, a philharmonic. But there was an ad in our paper, our little local paper that said they were looking for someone to play the little match girl. I dont know why i thought i should audition but i did and i got the part. Jimmy you did, right away. [ cheers and applause ] they paid me. Jimmy and you got paid . It was for nbc. After School Specials. Do you remember after School Specials . Jimmy oh, yeah, i wish they would brin