And featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 713 steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, my goodness thank you very much, everybody [ cheers and applause ] hot crowd hot new york city crowd tonight. Welcome to the tonight show, everybody. You de thank you for being here. [ cheers and applause ] you made it. This is the show to be at tonight, man, oh, my gosh. Slayer is here tonight come on [ cheers and applause ] what a show. Thank you so much for being here. First, heres what people are talking about. I heard that dancing with the stars is reportedly trying to get former White House PressSecretary Sean Spicer to be a a contestant. [ laughter ] marking the first dancing with the stars contestant whos hit rock bottom before he went on the show. [ laughter and applause ] yeah. Spicers not the only one doing a reality show. On the next episode of undercover boss, Vladimir Putin is going to go work at the white house. Steve really . [ laughter and applause ] [ russian accent ] hello. Im a tour guide here. How are things at home . [ light laughter ] you guys see this . Trumps new Communications DirectorAnthony Scaramucci made news for comparing trumps attempt to repeal obamacare to lincoln abolishing slavery. In a related story, Anthony Scaramucci is now expected to take sean spicers spot on dancing with the stars. [ laughter and applause ] what . What did you say . But get this, its rumored that scaramucci is fighting with white house chief of staff Reince Priebus because he wants his job. And a photo went viral today that shows them both in the oval office. It looks like things are pretty tense. Take look at this. Ooh. [ light laughter ] i cant tell whether theyre about to duel or kiss. [ laughter and applause ] kiss me, you fool. This is nice. During yesterdays White House Press briefing, Sarah Huckabee sanders read a a letter from a 9yearold boy that was sent to president trump. This is real. Take a look at what it says dear president trump, my name is dylan, but everyone calls me pickle. [ laughter ] im 9 years old and you are my favorite president. I like you so much, i had a a birthday about you. My cake was the shape of your hat. [ light laughter ] how old are you . How big is the white house . How much money do you have . Your friend, dylan. Isnt that cute . Well, trump was so moved by the letter that actually he wrote one in response. Take a look at this. Trump wrote, dear dylan. [ laughter ] my name is donald, but everybody calls me pumpkin. [ laughter ] we have so much in common. Im my favorite president , too. [ laughter and applause ] to answer your questions, im 71 years old, the white house is huge. [ light laughter ] and im so rich i eat a cake shaped like my hat every night. Your friend, pumpkin. P. S. , want to be the new attorney general . [ laughter and applause ] isnt that nice . Thoughtful. [ applause ] steve i dont know if he can be. Jimmy thats very nice. Hey, this is pretty big. Theres a lot of buzz about Hillary Clintons upcoming memoir about the election. Steve oh. Jimmy and she just unveiled the title. This is real. It is called what happened. [ laughter ] it turns out hillary is also releasing a childrens book. Take a look. Its called one hat, two hat, red hat, f that. [ laughter and applause ] people are still talking about the republican healthcare bill. Yesterday, on msnbc, congressman buddy carter defended trumps twitter attack on a senator who voted against it. He used a pretty interesting expression id never heard. Listen to this. What do you think about the president going after Lisa Murkowski for her no vote yesterday on the motion to proceed . I think its perfectly fair. Let me tell you, somebody needs to go over there to that senate and snatch a knot in their ass. [ laughter ] jimmy snatch . Incidentally thats the only procedure covered in the gop healthcare bill. [ applause ] snatch a snatched knot. Steve snatched knot. From your posterior. Jimmy gonna get this knot snatched. [ light laughter ] check this out. I read that the owner of a a clown motel in nevada is looking to sell it. The clown motel is like any other motel, except it only has one parking spot. [ light laughter ] [ applause ] come on. Its a little its a good clean clown joke. Steve its a good clean joke you can tell the kids jimmy yeah. Finally, i saw that Anne Hathaway is in talks to star in the upcoming barbie movie. Shell have to say goodbye to her brown hair for the roll. While the actor playing ken will have to say goodbye to something else. [ laughter ] we have a great show tonight. Give it up for the roots, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy we have got a great show tonight. Steve i love this jimmy so much fun on the show tonight. He is a super bowl champion and the host of abcs 100,000 pyramid. Michael strahan is on the show. Steve yeah [ cheers and applause ] jimmy charming dude. Steve a delight jimmy hes a stud. I love that guy. Also joining us tonight, shes the star of the very funny bravo series odd mom out. Jill kargman is stopping by. Steve yeah [ cheers and applause ] jimmy shes super funny. Steve yeah, great. Jimmy and we got great music tonight from slayer steve what . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy theyre here tonight, slayer. Yeah. Sometimes you just got to school everybody. You got to show the kids whats what. Steve yeah, youve got to show the kids how to do it. Jimmy theyre gonna come on the show tonight and just blow up tv sets. [ light laughter ] television cant handle what theyre about to hear. Theyre going to play raining blood, which [ cheers ] some would say it might be the greatest heavy metal song ever written. Yeah, ever jimmy hey, there you go. [ light laughter ] steve yeah, there you go. Jimmy thats the guy that said it. That guy, yeah. Steve thats the guy with the metal. Jimmy it is. It is, period Sean Spicer Sean spicers here, yeah. It is the best ever, period anyway, slayer is here. Were just so excited to have them on. [ cheers and applause ] what do you say . Its great. They are fantastic. They have a jagermeister machine in the back. Did you see this thing . Did you see it . Its a jager machine that cools the jager shots. They gave it to us. It says slayer on the side and the thing that you the tap that you pull its a hand with the horn. [ light laughter ] steve what else could it be . Jimmy its so good. Thats how you do it when you become uber famous heavy metal band. Yes, you get your own jager machine. Steve yeah. Jimmy guys it is time for tonight show hashtags. Here we go. [ cheers and applause ] Hashtags Hashtags jimmy thank you very much, roots. Guys, we do this thing every wednesday where i send out a a hashtag and we ask you guys to respond to that topic. And since the emoji movie is opening this weekend, i sent out a hashtag called textfail. Okay . I asked you guys to send us funny or embarrassing stories about a text you either sent or received. We got a huge response. Within 30 minutes, it was a a trending topic in the u. S. So thank you for getting involved. [ cheers and applause ] and now i thought id share some of my favorite textfail stories from you guys. Here we go. This first ones from memersvg. She says, i tried to text my photographer foodie friend what if you were a food photographer . but sent what if you were a a good photographer, instead. [ laughter and applause ] this ones from lisalou9399. She says, my daughter texted me about an award she got in the navy. I accidentally replied with the middle finger emoji instead of the thumbs up. [ laughter and applause ] thanks a lot, mom. Steve wow. Jimmy this ones from shoholajc. He says, i once texted my mom to send me a picture of my dad. Five days later i got a picture in the mail. [ laughter and applause ] thats not worth it. Not even worth getting mad at. This ones from sdbalasundaram. She says, my dad learned you can abbreviate hate to h8. But didnt understand, and starting abbreviating all the words with an 8. Instead of love you, he writes l8 y8. [ laughter and applause ] late yate. Steve late yate. Jimmy this one is from hannahestrother. She says, my sister accidentally texted her ex that she wished nothing but the bed for him and his new girlfriend. [ laughter and applause ] thats nice. Appreciate that. Oh, this ones good. This ones from hannahpellicer. She says, i got this text from my mom. I dont know if she was trying to tell me something or rap something. As soon as you get to alabama as soon as you get to alabama, as soon as you get to alabama, as soon as you get to alabama. You need to go as soon as you get to alabama. Need to go as soon as you get there. Got to drive as soon as you get to alabama. Soon as you get to alabama. As soon as you get to alabama, uh uh, as soon as you get to alabama, uh. As soon as you get to alabama as soon as you get to alabama as soon as you get to alabama go see bananaramma [ light laughter ] [ applause ] go see bananarama. Are they on tour . Steve rappers love bananarama. Jimmy theyre on tour, yeah. This ones from lindsayswink. She says, my sister was texting a client who said ill meet you by the bathrooms. she meant to write, okay, perfect, but instead wrote okay, pervert. [ laughter and applause ] oh, i didnt mean meet by the bathroom. Steve not in the bathroom. Jimmy this last one is from the one and only sheryl crow. Steve oh. Jimmy she played the game. [ cheers and applause ] we love sheryl crow. Thank you for playing. Sheryl, we love you. Got a new record out, by the way. Sheryl says, we taught my mom how to use voice text. This is now the family signoff. Look at this, it says, karen and i just arrived. Where, in my room 720. See you in a little, bitch. Mom. [ laughter and applause ] dont call me that, mom. There you have it. [ cheers and applause ] those are tonight show hashtags. To check out more of our favorites go to tonightshow. Com hashtags. Were playing drinko after the break. Stick around, everybody. Its fun. [ cheers and applause ] i make it easy to save 600 on car insurance, so being cool comes naturally. Hmm. I cant decide if this place is swag or bling. Its pretzels. Word. Ladies, you know when you switch, you get my bombdiggity discounts automatically. No duh, right . [ chuckles ] sir, you forgot keep it. Youre gonna need it when i make it precipitate. What, what . What . What, what . New deep hydrating eye gel with hyaluronic acid born to outperform the 1. Prestige eye cream for better hydration. And your best look yet. Olay eyes collection. Ageless. Its about time they gave left and right twix® their own packs. They got about as much in common as you, a mortician, and me, an undertaker. chuckling or you, a janitor, and me, a custodian. laughing or you, a ghost, and me, a spirit. laughing new left and right twix® packs. Its time to deside. It seems like Dwayne Johnson cant possibly take on any more. The rock oh, that sounds like a challenge. [crash] hey siri, get me a lyft ride to lax. [siri tone] [crash] [tires squeal] [jet engine] [siri tone[ painting, painting, painting. Siri mr. Nakamura can discuss your fashion line. Im out. Rock. Hey siri, take a selfie. [siri tone] [siri tone] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome back, everybody we are about to play a game called drinko. [ cheers and applause ] my opponent tonight is the host of the 100,000 pyramid on abc. Please welcome Michael Strahan [ cheers and applause ] how are you doing . Hello, everybody. Jimmy that is Michael Strahan. Thats how you do it. Come on. Haha. Jimmy i love that youre here. Im so excited. Were going to play drinko. This is going to be fun. Oh, boy. Jimmy drinko, do you want to explain how the game works . Steve yes, jimmy. Welcome to drinko. In this game, you will take turns the climbing my stairs and dropping two of your disks into the drinko board. This will plink down and land into cups containing some of my favorite beverages. Such as frose, jalapeno juice. Jimmy whats frose . Steve its a frozen frose. Jimmy whats dripping . [ light laughter ] is something dripping. Steve somethings dripping. Thats me. [ light laughter ] jimmy oh, sorry, drinko. I apologize. [ light laughter ] hey, thats cool, man. Were all in this together. And bone broth. Jimmy oh. Steve you must then make a a cocktail of your two chosen drinks. Jimmy uhhuh. [ audience ohs ] okay, i get it. Okay, good. Of course, slayers on the show tonight, so we also have a a skull full of blood at the end. [ cheers ] there you go. Okay, i like that. Jimmy all right. [ applause ] michael, why dont you go first . Why dont you climb up there and make yourself a cocktail . Here we go. Jimmy here we go. Drinko [ cheers and applause ] there we go. All right. Youre going to want to go i think, no i think i want to go right here. No, if i go here, it will go that way. Jimmy oh, yeah. I dont i would go on this side, i think. Im not listening to you. Youre my enemy. [ laughter ] steve whenever youre ready, michael. Here we go, baby come on jimmy all right, come on oh, no. Steve eeeeee, oh get in there [ audience ohs ] jimmy jalapeno juice. Steve jalapeno juice. I dont like hot stuff, man. Jimmy jalapeno. Jalapeno juice. All right. Steve now, drop your second disk. What are we going to mix it with . Here we go. Come on, baby get to the right get in the blood [ audience ohs ] steve now it will be hot going in and out. Two of the things i hate the most jimmy thank you. Thank you, drinko. Oh, my jimmy do prune juice. [ laughter ] prune juice and jalapeno juice. Dude, seriously. Two of the things i hate the most. Do we we have a bucket around here, right . No, dude. I need a bucket, man. Jimmy no, we do have a a bucket. We got a bucket . Jimmy just in case. Thank you. Jimmy no, i know. Dude, this is making me laugh. Dude, i cant even look at you. Pour it. Go ahead. [ laughter ] jimmy all right. Dont look. Oh, boy. [ audience groans ] wait. Dont look, dont look. Thats just one . Jimmy yeah, dont look. [ audience groans ] just drink it like that. You know what . You guys, the drum beat. Jimmy no, no, no. Dont look. Oh, that looks awful jimmy just take a sip. Take a sip of it. If im in, baby, im all the way in. I dont go halfway. [ cheers ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, my gosh you did it whoo jimmy you are a man that is awesome gosh, i almost got sick just pouring that thing. That was disgusting. Steve james, it is your turn. Jimmy what does it taste like . Ass [ laughter ] jimmy all right. Not that i know what that tastes like. You know what i mean . Jimmy yeah, i understand. [ laughter ] whoo go ahead, baby jimmy drinko. Steve drink up. Jimmy all right. Here we go. Steve get ready, james. Drop your disk. Jimmy what do you want me to do . Drop your disk. Jimmy okay, good. [ light laughter ] steve which cup will it land in . Jimmy all right, im gonna say, i want melted ice cream. Suntan smoothie. Jimmy no, no. I want melted ice cream. Thats good, come on. Come on, baby. Jimmy no, no, no, no. No, no, no oh steve scope. Jimmy what is it . Steve scope. Scope. Steve the delightful mouthwash. Jimmy thank you, drinko. [ audience groans ] steve its green. Jimmy what goes with scope . [ laughter ] i guess pretend its a mint julep or something. Blood. Blood. Jimmy blood, here we go. Get to the right. Steve scope on scope. Jimmy double scope you get scope again . Jimmy yeah, double scope. What . What does that mean . You may choose to do another one if you wish. Jimmy no, i dont. Thank you. [ laughter ] perfect. I love it. I can do it. Steve scope it out. Jimmy but i never drank scope. Why are you giving me two things . Because you got double scoped. [ laughter ] i think you should have to reuse my glass. That would have made it more interesting. Jimmy no, no. Here you go. Jimmy all right. This is not that bad. I guess you dont drink scope, do you . [ audience groans ] jimmy you dont drink scope. This is bad. Jimmy can i do that, like, legally . [ light laughter ] thats way too much. Im not doing that. Is there a doctor here . Jimmy yeah, i cant steve doctor of good times. Jimmy im going to do half of that. Oh, i mean, i just went all in. Thats all im saying. [ cheers ] jimmy why somethings floating in it, too. Steve thats a fingernail. Jimmy what is that . [ light laughter ] steve thats a dorito from earlier. It looks like a piece of somebodys tooth. It does. It looks like a tooth. Jimmy that looks like some piece of tooth in there. I cant do the whole thing. You can do this. Bottoms up do what you can. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] steve minty fresh. You okay . Jimmy ooh, its [ laughter ] give me one more. One more time. Jimmy whoo. Yeah. Jimmy all right, its time for the final round. Is there another round . Okay. Oh, this is going to be a race. Were both going to climb up there and drop the disk. Whoevers disk lands first is the winner. The loser has to drink a a cocktail of both beverages. Are you okay . Jimmy no. [ laughter ] i drank, like, a glass of scope. Let me help you. Jimmy thats not good. [ laughter ] you need help up the stairs . Jimmy no, ill be good. Im a little delirious right now. Its okay. [ laughter ] here we go. All right. [ drinko grunts ] jimmy oh, gosh. Steve get ready. Jimmy please not the im going to lose it. So, whoever is last goes, right . Jimmy yeah, thats right. Okay, we got to drink this. Steve get ready, on the count of three. One michael im ready. Steve two, three. [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] jimmy what is it . Prune juice. Jimmy prune juice . Steve prune juice. Again . Jimmy no. [ laughter ] poor dude. He cant do it. He cant do prune juice again. Steve it did not land in the cup. You won. Jimmy no, i won. Yeah, i got to drink it. I want to mix it with something. I dont want it straight. Jimmy yeah, i know. Yeah. Yeah, mix it with something. Give me something else. Jimmy here we go. Im going to mix it up. All right, im going to mix it up with a few drops. See what kind of friend you are. Jimmy come on, come on. Oh. [ laughter ] come on, come on. Oh, man oh, oh, no. [ audience groans ] [ cheers ] steve scope its scope [ applause ] hey, man, i played a lot of games here. This is the one i dont like. Jimmy thank you for coming on the show. You know we love you, man. Scope and prune juice . Jimmy dude, this is, like steve youll be minty fresh. Jimmy this is like a a cleanse. This is like a [ laughter ] this is like a cleanse. Thats all it is. Dont look. Dont look. Its not good. Dont look. This is like a juice cleanse. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, my gosh [ cheers and applause ] thats what im talking about that is exactly how to do it the one and only Michael Strahan, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] more with michael after the break. Come on back. [ cheers and applause ] [crunch] yeah [crunch] hahahaha honoo, honoo, hono