Roots crew. Questlove three steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hi, everybody. Hey. Welcome welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, everybody. Welcome to the tonight show. This is it, baby. [ cheers and applause ] heres what people are talking about. Guys, monday is president s day, which means most people are getting a threeday weekend. [ cheers ] steve yeah jimmy get this. A new survey of historians just ranked James Buchanan as the worst president ever. [ light laughter ] then after yesterday, buchanan said, i think you guys need to click your refresh button. [ laughter and applause ] steve heyoh jimmy a new challenger has emerged. Yeah. People are still talking about President Trumps Wild Press Conference yesterday. In fact, the New York Times called it 77 chaotic minutes. [ light laughter ] its not good when your First Press Conference gets the same review as john wick 2. [ laughter and applause ] 77 chaotic minutes. But this morning, trumps chief of staff, reince priebus, did an interview on fox and friends, where he said trump did amazing in the press conference. [ light laughter ] then from off camera, someone shouted, and tell them how sexy i looked. [ laughter and applause ] and he looked really sexy. But you knew it wouldnt be long before there was another big trump story that got people talking. Take a look at this. Theres a lot going on with President Trump today. Hes going to florida to spend his Third Straight weekend there. Now, his plans include a rally on saturday that is officially a 2020 Reelection Campaign event. [ light laughter ] jimmy when they heard the 2020 campaign was already beginning, americans started deporting themselves. [ laughter and applause ] what what are you whats going on . Reelection . Steve what . Why . Jimmy another big story is that trump asked vice admiral Robert Harward to replace mike flynn as National Security advisor. But he turned him down. Steve ooh. [ audience oohs ] jimmy he said hell to the naw naw. [ laughter ] hell to the naw naw yeah. He said no to the job. The rest of trumps cabinet was furious. They were like, you can do that . [ laughter and applause ] you can say no . And four generals are now being considered to replace Michael Flynn as President Trumps National Security advisor. When asked about it, the first candidate said, i would be honored to serve President Trump. The next candidate said, i would be proud to serve my country. Next candidate said, i am willing to help this nation however i can. And finally, this last candidate said, for the last time, im a cartoon on a cereal box. [ laughter and applause ] stop asking me to do stuff. Im not even real. Im not even a general. Im a capn. Im not even a captain, im a steve is he General Mills . [ laughter ] jimmy he wanted to ask General Mills. No, he couldnt steve capn crunch, thats ridiculous. Jimmy hes not even captain crunch. Steve hes just capn. Jimmy capn crunch. [ light laughter ] yeah, its like a nickname. Steve yeah. Its more of an informal thing. Jimmy its his nickname, yeah. Steve whats up, capn . Jimmy yeah. Steve mind puttin some more air in my tires . [ light laughter ] sure thing. Jimmy yeah, exactly. I read that the trump winery in virginia is requesting permission from the Labor Department to hire workers from overseas. Yeah. [ audience oohs ] they just released a new commercial. And i think trump really knows what hes talking about when hes talking about wine. Steve really . Jimmy yeah, i think so. Watch. Dont cant believe the fake news. Trump winery is the bigliest, bestliest winery in the world. Weve got all the best wines, like blankety blank. Penut grass. Cabinet. Zootopia. Reeses pieces. Charlie brown the pope. And, of course, my absolute favorite, gerber baby terminator. [ laughter ] trump wineries. Make america grape again. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy grape again . Steve wow. Jimmy Charlie Brown the pope . [ light laughter ] this is nice. Today, Hillary Clinton went to sesame street live at Madison Square garden with her two grandchildren. Hillary was having so much fun she even stayed after the show to have the count go over all the votes from ohio, florida, and pennsylvania. [ laughter and applause ] one, two. Two i saw that a woman in florida had to call 911 after being locked inside a cvs pharmacy. The woman said she survived by eating several heartshaped boxes of chocolates left over from valentines day. Then police were like, maam, youve only been here for ten minutes. [ laughter and applause ] what are you doing . Eating chocolates . Well, you guys, its the end of another crazy week. And since theres too much to talk about, instead of giving you a full week in review, we decided to put together a a little montage that just focuses on the key words used this week. Its something we call this week in words. [ cheers and applause ] crazy week. For the press. Awkward handshake. Its a mess. Grammys. Dog show. Michael flynn. My vagine. Please start it again. White house leaks. Trump. Frustration. Michael flynn. Resignation. Russian contact. Get too close. Russian spy ship off our coast. Cabinet. Road block. Whos to blame . Andy puzder. Withdrew his name. Turmoil. Chaos. Disarray. But heres what President Trump had to say. Fake, fake, fake. Fakefakefake fake fake. Fake, fake. Fake. Fake. Fake. Fake, fake. The news is fake. I talked about it. Get to work and stop whining about it. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy we have great show tonight. Give it up for the roots [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hey thanks, everybody. Thank you, everybody. Come back again next week. Will forte will be here. Ariana grande will be here. [ cheers and applause ] Susan Sarandon will be here. And hugh jackman will be here. Steve oh [ cheers and applause ] jimmy big week. Plus performances from future, little big town, and chronixx steve oh. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy chronixx is coming back but first, we have great show tonight. He is the star of the new Comedy Series the Great Indoors. Joel mchale is here. Steve oh. [ cheers and applause ] what a gentleman. Jimmy hes a funny dude. Steve funny dude. Jimmy hes a really funny dude. Love that guy. Plus, from the new Hbo Limited SeriesBig Little Lies, the beautiful, the talented zoe kravitz is stopping by. [ cheers and applause ] and we have great, great, great music tonight. I am so happy hes here. Ryan adams is here, you guys. Steve oh [ cheers and applause ] jimmy his new album his new album, prisoner. Prisoner is the record. And everyone says its gotten great reviews, this album. But also, if you get this box set version of prisoner which is thats what i did. Steve yeah. Jimmy i bought this one. Right . So you get this thing . You open the top. And you open it up. [ audience oohs ] steve fancy. Oh [ audience ohs ] jimmy youre going to freak out. Look at this. So you hear the crowd goes nuts. Then it comes with a bunch of fun things you can put like, heres ryan, like, being [ laughter ] kind of cool there. You can you can stick a cat up there. [ laughter ] ryan, watch out, theres a theres a tiger. [ laughter ] and then you can just do crowd, like people going nuts. [ cheers and applause ] ah, and then then we add tiny drake. [ laughter ] [ applause ] tiny drakes in there. Steve whenever tiny drake shows up, good times follow. Jimmy tiny drake went, he loves ryan adams. So he just figured hed hang out. And theyll steve theyll ride a tiger. Jimmy get on the hes riding the tiger, dude. Thats the new song. Steve riding the tiger . Jimmy is he going to do that tonight . Riding the tiger . He wont, no. [ light laughter ] steve hes not gonna do that one. Jimmy hes singing do you still love me. Steve ooh. Jimmy but anyways, look at this thing. Steve thats fun. Jimmy thats fun. This is what youre supposed to do, man. I love it. Anyways, ryan adams is here and hes awesome. [ cheers and applause ] guys, todays friday. Thats usually when i catch up on some personal stuff. I check my inbox, i return some emails, and of course, i send out thank you notes. [ cheers and applause ] now i was just running a bit behind. Do you mind if i write out my weekly thank you notes right now . Is that cool . [ cheers ] i appreciate it. Thank you very much. Thanks, everybody. Hey, james, can i get some thank you note writing music, please . [ light laughter ] steve wow. Jimmy seems upset about something. Steve hes very upset. [ light laughter ] you can see the anger in his face. Jimmy mad. Steve super mad. Oh, now hes happy. Oh, good. Jimmy no, hes still mad. [ laughter ] do you have big plans this week, james . [ laughter ] thank you, president s day. Its nice to finally have a day this year where we can take our minds off of everything and think about the president. [ laughter and applause ] steve think about me. Big weekend. Jimmy say how sexy i am. [ laughter ] jimmy thank you, american girl, for introducing your firstever boy doll and looking like the doll version of the bachelor. [ light laughter ] [ applause ] im an entrepreneur. Im an aspiring dolphin trainer. [ laughter ] thank you, vice admiral Robert Harward, for turning down President Trumps offer to be National Security advisor and for looking like the six flags guy without his glasses. [ laughter and applause ] steve whoa [ cheers and applause ] whoa whoa no, no, no no caping no caping [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you, man. Had to cape it up, man. Steve got to cape it, man. Jimmy sometimes the cape just has to come out. Steve turns into pure class. Jimmy thanks, i appreciate it. [ trump impression ] steve love your cape. [ laughter ] glass. [ light laughter ] jimmy thank you, side tables, for sounding like a a piece of furniture youre cheating with. [ laughter and applause ] side table. Thank you, heavy winter gloves, for making me feel like im always ready to hold a live hawk. [ laughter ] [ hawk screech ] [ laughter ] [ hawk screech ] jim got real weird, man. Third year of the tonight show, he started wearing capes, he owns a hawk. [ laughter ] real weird, man. Steve super weird. Jimmy thank you, allinone shampoo conditioners, for being the spork of shower products. [ light laughter ] [ applause ] steve leave it in . Take it out . Jimmy thank you, seeing my breath in the cold during winter, for making me look like im constantly vaping. [ light laughter ] [ applause ] thank you, long underwear, or as i like to call you, secret pants. [ light laughter ] there you go, everybody. Those are my thank you notes. Well be right back with popular math, everybody. Come on back. [ cheers and applause ] it is one of the most powerful tools our species has created. And now we unleash it on your taxes. Hello my name is watson. Yep. H r block and ibm watson together. Creating a future of more money going back into the pockets of more families. Welcome to taxes won. H r block with watson. Come see us and get your taxes won. vo have to happen . Idnt i didnt see it. vo what if we could go back . What if our car. Could stop itself . In iihs frontend crash prevention testing, nobody beats the subaru impreza. Not toyota. Not honda. Not ford. The allnew subaru impreza. More than a car, its a subaru. [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] jimmy welcome back, everybody. [ laughter ] that song sounded awfully familiar, but steve sorry. Jimmy but then again, also ive never heard it before. [ light laughter ] welcome back. You know, i read something that really disturbed me. Steve whats that . Jimmy American Kids are ranked 30th in the world in terms of math skills. Steve ugh jimmy nobody seems to know how to turn this around. I think the problem is that todays kids just cant relate to Old Fashioned things like numbers. [ light laughter ] so, weve updated math to make the equations more about stuff modern kids can relate to in a a segment we call popular mathematics. Here we go. [ cheers and applause ] popular mathematics mathematics jimmy i love that. So do you understand the bit, higgins . Steve no. [ laughter ] jimmy ill give you an example. Steve okay. Jimmy look at the first equation here. If you take magic mike steve yeah. Jimmy plus a mop steve right. Jimmy it equals the new sexy mr. Clean. [ laughter and applause ] see what im saying . Steve no. Give me another one. Give me another one. Jimmy ill give you another example. If you take mens warehouse steve sure. Jimmy all right, plus a a panic attack steve right. Jimmy it equals sean spicer. [ laughter and applause ] you see what im saying . Do you understand . Steve almost. Theyre not numbers. Jimmy ill give you another example. Ill give you another example. Steve because im very confused. Jimmy larry bird. Steve yes, i know him. Jimmy times two. Steve okay. Jimmy plus emma stone equals two birds with one stone. [ laughter and applause ] you know what im saying . You get it . Steve oh, ye no. Jimmy are you getting it . Steve no. Jimmy are you getting it now . Steve i dont get it. Give me another one. Jimmy if you take mike pence steve mike pence, yes. Jimmy plus Donald Trumps spray tan steve yes. Jimmy it equals an oscar statue. [ laughter and applause ] you get it . Steve no. One more. Give me one more. Jimmy let me give you another example. Steve because im not getting it. Jimmy i understand. Here you go. This one youll get it. Heres candy land plus capitalism times ruined friendships equal monopoly. [ laughter and applause ] steve give me one more. Jimmy let me give you an example. Steve yeah, it must be me. Jimmy heres another one. Its tom brady plus Gisele Bundchen steve right. Jimmy plus kids, equals the brady bundchen. [ laughter and applause ] do you understand now . Steve ah yes. Jimmy youre lying. I can tell youre lying. Steve no, i understand it. Jimmy ill give you one last example. Steve give me one last one. Im sure i will comprehend it after this. Jimmy if you take two plus two it equals five which equals betsy devos. Steve oh [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thats all the time we have for popular mathematics. Well be right back with joel mchale, everybody [ cheers and applause ] to err is human. To anticipate. Is the lexus rx. With pedestrian detection, auto braking, and lane departure alert standard. Experience another step closer to a safer world. Experience amazing. At planters, we put fresh roawhich has its drawbacks. An, guys, know anything about this missing inventory . Wasnt me the cheeks dont lie, chet. Irresistibly planters. They are ridiculous when they first wake up. Daddy walks into the walls like hes a bumper car. Your dunkin doesnt make you, you. But it helps. Delicious Dunkin Donuts coffee. Pick some up where you buy groceries. 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Chop, chop. Do i look like ive been hurt before . Because ive been hurt before. Um, actually your session is up. Hang on. I call this next one junior year abroad. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy you know our first guest from his terrific work on the Television Show community. He now stars on the brand new Comedy Series the Great Indoors, which airs thursdays at 8 30pm on cbs. Please welcome the very funny, the very talented joel mchale [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i feel, like, ooh, this is fantastic. I feel like i should have a a cigarette with a holder on it. Jimmy with plastic dude everyones casing it. Yeah, no, and jimmy case it and vape it dude. Kids, dont smoke pens. Jimmy no, dont smoke pens. You shouldnt. Im a little too warm and sometimes youre probably sick. Jimmy yeah. I might be sick. But, either way, if you put the case you feel like i feel like a dignitary. I feel like im in a a shakespeare play thats been updated. [ light laughter ] its do you know what today is . It is the tenth anniversary of the beginning of the tonight show with jimmy fallon. [ cheers and applause ] the tenth anniversary the tenth anniversary. [ cheers and applause ] oh, im sorry. It is the third anniversary. [ laughter ] jimmy thank you, though. Thank you. I got excited. Its not as big of a deal. Johnny carson did it for 30 years. So, 27 to go, dude [ laughter ] after 27, you will be tied. So jimmy yeah. Oh, my gosh. Most of these people, youll youll be dead. [ laughter ] jimmy all right, now, joel, you cant say that. Youre right. Youre right. Half of you. Jimmy no, joel, please. But youre in town. Youre at carolines. Yes. Im doing some standup comedy there. Thank you. [ cheers and applause ] yes. Jimmy i love caroline. Thats a great club. Its a great club. Tickets available. And no. I dont know how you are, because your audience likes you. [ laughter ] and i try to be awful to them. So usually if im in new york i walk out, and im like, hamilton sucks [ light laughter ] and they get upset. Im like, whos worse . The y