A bar in washington, d. C. Will offer customers a free round of drinks every time President Trump tweets about former fbi director james comey during his testimony tomorrow. That story again, a bar in washington, d. C. Is having a going out of business sale. [ laughter ] that was how i used to bartend. [ laughter ] pour beer, throw it off the bar. [ light laughter ] President Trump announced his pick for fbi director today on twitter, and you could tell he was excited about it because he spelled fbi with two fefes. [ laughter ] President Trump today announced christopher wray, the attorney for new york governor new Jersey Governor Chris Christie during the bridgegate scandal, as the nomination for fbi director. Donald, youre even giving Chris Christies lawyer a job . [ light laughter ] how cruel are you . I bet you called him personally. Chris, are you sitting down . [ laughter ] i finally decided to hire your friend, the lawyer. [ laughter ] thats it, though. No one else. All right. Have a terrible day, numb nuts. [ applause ] a gate agent for United Airlines allegedly tried to wrestle a musicians 17th century violin out of her hands after the woman refused to put the instrument in the checked luggage. Yet another example of a united employee resorting to violins. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] that was a test and you all passed [ light laughter ] forbes has published a new expose on eric trumps chariety golf tournaments, with a former employee saying that President Trump refused to let eric use Trump Properties free of charge saying, quote, i dont care if its my son or not. Everybody gets billed. And he means that. That does he not care if eric is his son. [ laughter ] north korea said yesterday that the United States decision to pull out of the paris climate agreement is shortsighted and silly. North korea. Man, you know your country is in trouble when a guy with that hair cut is telling you to get with the times. [ laughter ] for a potential upcoming meeting between President Trump and russian president vladimir putin, it is being reported that the press may be excluded. Oh, im sorry may be executed. [ laughter ] according to [ light laughter ] according to reports, ivanka trumps starbucks order is a nonfat vanilla latte. Incidentally, nonfat and vanilla is also how she likes her men. [ laughter ] skinny thats a skinny white boy. Thats right, ivanka trumps starbucks order is a nonfat vanilla latte. But unfortunately, they never seem spell her name right. [ audience ohs ] [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a big show for you tonight he is a legendary actor. And his book, if i understood you, would i have this look on my face is out now. Alan alda, everybody. How exciting is that . [ cheers and applause ] i dont know how many of you are watching the third season of fargo . It is on fx. It has been absolutely fantastic. We have one of its stars. Mary Elizabeth Winstead is back on the show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] so excited to talk to her about that. And these are, without question, two of the funniest guys on tv right now. Their show desus mero on viceland is hilarious. Desus nice and the kid mero join us. [ cheers and applause ] so happy to have them here. But before we get to all that, the entire political world is awaiting former fbi director james comeys Senate Testimony tomorrow. But today, his Opening Statement was published and it provides some damning new information about comeys interactions with the president. For more on this its time for a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] seth between the constant ongoing turmoil of the russia investigation and the looming threat of comeys testimony tomorrow, President Trumps domestic agenda seems to have completely stalled. So now he is resorting to unconventional tactics to make it look like hes getting things done. For example, you may have seen clips of trump signing a bill on monday to privatize the nations air Traffic Control system. Or at least it looked like a bill signing ceremony. Turns out it was all an act. It may look like the president was signing a bill or an executive order today, but in actually it actually was just a set of principles for congress to act on. Nothing binding. The president held a big flashy signing ceremony to sign a memo being sent to congress to say that these are the ideas that he supports. Thats not a bill signing. That is a memo signing. [ laughter ] seth he made all those people stand around behind him so he could sign an office memo . [ light laughter ] please refrain from microwaving fish in the office kitchen. Get this to congress. [ light laughter ] [ applause ] and trumps agenda trumps agenda is faring just as poorly abroad as it his here at home. On monday, for example, secretary of state Rex Tillerson flew to new zealand. But protesters unhappy with trumps decision to withdraw from the Paris Climate Accord gave tillerson a rough reception. As tillerson was driven around the island nation, journalists there said he was confronted by people giving him the finger en masse. A New York Times reporter on the trip said ive been in motorcades for a couple years now, ive never seen so many people flip the bird at an american motorcade as i saw today. [ cheers ] man, thats the american secretary of state and hes being greeted like a narc at burning man. [ light laughter ] and to be hated by new zealand . Trump hasnt just lost earth, hes lost middle earth. [ light laughter ] even frodo is like, hey, buddy. Heres one finger to rule them all. [ applause ] okay, but so what. The president is holding fake bill signing ceremonies and the secretary of state got a rough reception on a diplomatic trip. I mean, how much worse can things really get . Breaking news. In the last hour, the opening remarks from fired fbi director james comey have been released ahead of tomorrows hearing. Comey details the time that President Trump apparently had asked him about dropping the investigation into michael flynn. From senator john mccain his word describing this Opening Statement, in a word, disturbing. There is a criminal investigation going on of one of the president s top associates. He gets fired. Hes under criminal investigation and the president brings in the fbi director and says please stop your investigation. Right. If that isnt obstruction of justice, i dont know what is. Seth well mr. President , as they say in new zealand [ laughter ] so comeys [ applause ] so comeys Opening Statement is now public and it includes some damning and truly bizarre details about comeys uncomfortable interactions with trump. First of all, just the shear number of conversations comey had with trump is itself weird. Comey says he spoke with president obama just two times. Trump on the other hand, would not leave him alone. He says that he had a total of nine oneonone conversations with President Trump in four months. Three of them were in person, six of them were on the phone. Seth nine times. To put that in perspective, hes only talked to eric five times ever. [ laughter ] and three of those were just, whats your name again . [ light laughter ] then there is comeys account of his infamous dinner with trump. It turns out, comey had no idea the meeting would be a private oneonone encounter. He had called me at lunch time that day and invited me to dinner that night, saying he was going to invite my whole family but decided to have just me this time. With the whole family coming the next time. It was unclear from the conversation who else would be at the dinner, although i assumed there would be others. It turned out to be just the two of us, seated at a small oval table in the center of the green room. Seth so trump invited comey to a dinner without telling him who would be there and then it turned out to be just the two of them. This is starting to sound less like all the president s men and more like a lifetime original movie. [ laughter ] james comey and donald trump star in suspicious attraction. [ laughter ] is it just us for dinner . Yes. And i want to play a song for you. Lady in red [ light laughter ] seth thats all we could afford. [ laughter ] and then comey gave his account of trumps infamous request for a pledge of personal loyalty, a pledge that if nothing else, sounded incredibly awkward. The president said, and im quoting james comey, i need loyalty. I expect loyalty. i didnt move, speak, or change my facial expression in any way during the awkward silence that followed. We simply looked at each other in silence. Seth this sound like a terrible tinder date. [ laughter ] so you said in your profile you like hiking . [ light laughter ] maybe the craziest part of that though is the absurd lengths trump went to to try to get comey to pledge his loyalty, by essentially playing word games with him. He then said, i need loyalty. i replied, you will always get honesty from me. he paused and then said, thats what i want, honest loyalty. i paused and then said, you will get that from me. seth even in conversations trump is a terrible deal maker. [ laughter ] i need loyalty. You can have honesty. Honest loyalty . Sure. And 5 . How you about give me 5 . Done. [ laughter ] sucker. Some parts of the memo read almost like a john grisham novel. Like comeys account of his Oval Office Meeting with trump, where trump asked him about his investigation into former National Security advisor, michael flynn. The president signaled the end of the briefing by thanking the group and telling them all that he wanted to speak to me alone. When the door by the grandfather clock closed and we were alone, the president began by saying, i i want to talk about mike flynn. But heres the weird thing, that wasnt a grandfather clock. That was the vice president. [ laughter and applause ] grandfather clock, what time is it . 4 45, mr. President. [ light laughter ] comey continues in his testimony to describe a phone call from trump in march in which trump went out of his way to insist that he had nothing to do with russia. And again, the details are incredible. The president called me at the fbi. He described the russia investigation as a cloud that was impairing his ability to act on behalf of the country. He said he had nothing to do with russia, had not been involved with hookers in russia, and had always assumed he was being recorded, when in russia. He asked what we could do to lift the cloud . Well, the first thing you can do is not call people out of nowhere and say i was not involved with hookers in russia. [ laughter ] in fact, trump so often spoke in the vague dialect of mobsters that there were times when comey had no idea what he was talking about. In one call, comey told trump that he should have the White House Counsels Office speak directly with the justice department. Trump said he would do that and added because i had been very loyal you to. Very loyal. We had that thing, you know . I did not reply or ask him what meant by that thing. [ laughter ] man, you never you never ask what that thing is. [ laughter ] that thing is never good. You never hear someone say, i stopped by tiffanys to pick up that thing for my wife. Its always, did you take care of the thing out in the pine barrens . Gotta take care of that thing. Now, one of the many questions going into tomorrow has been will trump tweet during the hearing . A reporter for the Washington Post wrote yesterday that President Trump does not plan to put down twitter on thursday. May live tweet if he feels the need to respond. So we could very well see a sitting president live tweeting the testimony of his former fbi director tomorrow, and yet the white house cant seem to get straight what they think of the president s tweets. Should we gloss them over or should we take them seriously . In the gloss them over camp, there was Deputy Assistant to the president and goatee model, sebastian gorka, on cnn. Lets talk about policy. Id like to talk about that is the policy. His tweets are the policy. They are statements from the president of the United States about what he wants. Its not policy of course it is. Its social media, chris. Its social media. Its not social media. You know the difference, right . Its his words, his thoughts. Its not policy. Its not an executive order. Its social media. Please understand the difference. What you are saying . We shouldnt listen to what the president says . You shouldnt obsess about it for not 12 minutes, chris. Were now 20 minutes into this and this is clearly an obsession, chris. [ laughter ] seth the only obsession that matters is the president s obsession with using social media to say unhinged things. Its not our fault for paying attention. Social media wasnt around during the civil war, but if Abraham Lincoln opened his window and shouted nonsense every 20 minutes, the press would have covered it. [ light laughter ] little does the south know i i have big fans to defeat them robert e. Lee is a loser makeamericanwholeagain. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] but still, gorkas point was clear, tweets do not equal policy. Got it. Are President Trumps tweets considered official white house statements . The president is the president of the United States so theyre considered official statements by the president of the United States. Seth its so great how often the press secretary has to say the president is the president. [ light laughter ] its like he needs to remind himself or get confirmation. I mean hes the president , right . Right . [ light laughter ] until now, republicans have been able to side step the question of trumps unhinged statements by simply dismissing them as tweets. Almost as if they didnt come from trump himself. Just yesterday, Senate Majority leader Mitch Mcconnell was asked about trumps attacks on the mayor of london and tweets about the travel ban and he said this i can only say what ive said before. Im not a fan of the president s tweets. And that still remains my view. Seth if youre not a fan of the president s tweets, then youre not a fan of the president. You cant say you dislike what a person says and does, but then still defend that person. Its like saying, i like ted bundy, i just didnt love the murders though. [ laughter ] although, apparently, not every republican has a great relationship with trump right now. Trump is reportedly so upset at attorney general Jeff Sessions for recusing himself from the russia investigation that when asked about their relationship yesterday, White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer would not even say whether or not trump still has confidence in his own attorney general. How you would describe the president s level of confidence in the attorney general Jeff Sessions . I have not had a discussion with him about that. You cant say he has confidence in his attorney general . I said i have not had a discussion with him on the question. I dont if i havent had a discussion with him about a subject, i tend not to speak about it. Seth also, this is becoming an increasingly common refrain from spicer. In fact, it seems like theres a lot of stuff that he and trump just dont talk about. I have not asked the president since the last time we spoke about this. I have not asked the president. I have not talked to him about the specific qualities hes looking forward to to seeing. Honestly, i havent asked him. I honestly havent asked him that specific question. I have not had an opportunity to have that discussion. I literally have not had that conversation. I have not discussed that with the president. Seth look guys, i dont talk to the president , okay . [ light laughter ] im not even allowed to look at him. He says my eyes are too sad and spooky. [ laughter ] so trumps agenda is completely stalled. His staff cant stop him from tweeting. And now, the former fbi director has confirmed that president tried to interfere in a criminal investigation of one of his associates. Things are falling apart for trump. In fact, the best you can you say about him right now is this the president is the president of the United States [ light laughter ] seth there you go. This has been a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] well be right back with alan alda, everybody. 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Thats how i thought it had to be. But then i talked to my doctor about humira, and learned humira can help get and keep uc under control. When certain medications havent worked well enough. Humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. Serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened; as have blood, liver, and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. Before treatment, get tested for tb. Tell your doctor if youve been to areas where certain fungal infections are common and if youve had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flulike symptoms or sores. Dont start humira if you have an infection. Raise your expectations and ask your gastroenterologist if humira may be right for you. With humira, control is possible. [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back, everybody. Give it up for the 8g band right over there. [ cheers and applause ] also, hes been with us all week. From the grammy awardwinning rock band, cage the elephant, who will play chicagos lollapalooza on august 3rd, jared champion, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] so happy youre here. Our first guest is a multiple emmy winner and Academy Award nominee you know from films such as the aviator and bridge of spies and tv shows such as 30 rock, the west wing, and of course mash. Hes also a bestselling author whose latest book, if i understood you, would i have this look on my face my adventures in the art and science of relating and communicating is in the stores now. Please welcome to the show the legendary alan alda, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] seth how are you . Im so good. Thank you. Seth im so happy to have you here. I did not realize what a man of science you are. Oh, yes. Seth youre a great lover of science. Have you heard of general relativity . Seth yeah. One of my great things. Seth that you invented general general relativity was only a corporal when i found him. Seth oh, there you go. [ light laughter ] so this now you have you are a part time professor at stony brook university. Yes. Seth and theres an alan alda what is it, communicating Alan Alda Center for communicating science at stony brook, yeah. Seth and so this book is about empathy. Is that safe to say . Well, theres a lot of empathy in it because its about its really about communicating, and i think that we found that one of the essential, maybe the essential element of communicating is empathy. Which is the way i define it, just figuring out what the other person is feeling. Seth right. By getting cues from their face. Thats why the book has the face in the title. Seth yes, very helpful. Because its right there in any conversation. So if you cant afford the whole book seth just go right to the cover. Go right to the title. Seth yeah. And now thats interesting, because i feel like were talking a lot about empathy in this country now. What are things that are helpful to look for when youre in a conversation with someone . Well, look at their face, and get from the face and the body language, you can get a pretty good idea, tone of voice, of what the person is going through. And if you dont know what the person is going through, then whatever message you have is not going to land on them, because youre not talking to them inside their head, you know . Youre just spraying information at them. Seth i think thats interesting now, because i feel as someone who just sprays information, thats pretty much all i do right, yes. [ light laughter ] seth it is helpful to know who youre talking to. And i think thats how information gets through. It is. You dont want to talk to the back of their head. Seth no thats thats chapter one. [ laughter ] seth well, i notice you purposely did not put the back of your head on the cover. No. Im so smart that way. [ light laughter ] seth and you talk about teaching improvisation to doctors and scientists. But this is not comedy improvisation. I have a background in comedy improvisation. No. Right, and so do i. But this is based on viola spolins improv. Did you ever do viola spolins work . Seth no. Im familiar with her, but i never did her work. Yeah, but you improvised in holland . Seth i did. I used to work for a Theater Company in amsterdam, and i did improv comedy there. Thats amazing. Thats funny, because i did improvisation in bermuda. Seth okay. I was making a movie there. This was really we had nothing to do in the evenings. So we went to a bar. It was a town that had a port that boats from all over the world came. So in this bar were sailors who had had a lot to drink, who didnt speak the same language. They all came from different countries. Seth sure. So im there with this other actor, and i said, what do you think we put on a show . They got a stage right there. Lets put on a show. He said, well they wont understand us. I said, no, well do the show in gibberish. They wont know what language it is. [ laughter ] seth gotcha. Did you ever do gibberish in sketches . Seth im not particularly good at gibberish. Are you good at gibberish . I like it. Mine sounds a little russian. [ speaking gibberish ] [ laughter ] seth so did they buy it . So what we did so we got up, and i introduced the act in gibberish. Then we did sketches in gibberish. Seth and how was it playing . Well, they were mostly drunk. [ laughter ] seth okay, got you. So he went backstage, the other actor, and he found some scarves, and he decided to do the dance of the seven veils. Seth sure, why not. As a woman. Seth oh, okay. Yeah. Seth so he seven veils can cover you enough that they think youre a woman . Well, the sailors were grabbing at him while he was on stage dancing. [ light laughter ] seth yeah. cause they were a little high. Seth yeah. By the time he got to the seventh veil, they could see he was not only not a woman, but a guy with a 5 oclock shadow. [ laughter ] seth yeah. They got really angry. [ laughter ] seth yeah. They were really upset, because they had been going for him, and they didnt like the implication. Seth right, yeah. It was very uncomfortable. So they chased us up on the stage. We escaped through a window in the mens room. Seth oh, my goodness. [ laughter ] youve lived a very interesting life if youve actually had to do that. Yeah, i was like hope and crosby. Seth so Chapter Three is dont do gibberish shows for sailors. Not drunken sailors. Seth not drunken sailors. Yeah, you got to give them an alcohol test. Seth i know that your father was a very accomplished actor as well. Yeah. Seth and he wanted you to be a doctor. Is that right . He did he wanted me to be he wanted very much i think he had wanted to be a doctor so he wanted me to be. I didnt want to be a doctor. I dont like blood that much. Seth yeah. Well also, i know that at a very young age you got to hang around him, and other actors. Yeah. Seth so that must have been once you get to do that and obviously you had a great love for it, it must have been very hard to be told, oh, no, you dont want to do this. Thats right. I stood in the wings watching him in burlesque, and in vaudeville, and then broadway. And i really wanted to be an actor, and a writer. But i didnt want to be a doctor. But he said, oh, just for me take this premed course in chemistry. I took it and i did as poorly as i could. [ laughter ] i didnt have to work that hard at being poor, but in the final exam i got ten out of 100. [ laughter ] seth thats not great. [ applause ] its hard to get lower than. I mean if you fill in all the answers, youre going to by chance get something right. Seth yeah, exactly. So the teacher called me into his office, and he said, why are you here . [ laughter ] i said, my father wants me to be a doctor. He said, fine. Thank you very much. Ill see you later. Seth and that was the end of it. But when you were young before that, you carried around is it true you carried around a thermometer with yourself. You were interested in that . I did. Ive always been interested in science. But not the kind they taught in chemistry class. Seth yeah, you like stuff like am i running a fever . [ laughter ] well, i had read some place that your temperature goes up and down during the day. So i said, i got to experiment with that, and see if thats really true. How much does my temperature so i carried a thermometer in my pocket wherever i went. Every hour i took my temperature. [ light laughter ] it was really hard to get a job this way. Seth yeah. I imagine. Youd be there to talk about reading for a part, and they see this thing sticking out of my mouth. Seth yeah. I can imagine it would be very hard to get a girl to ever kiss you if you constantly had a thermometer. I was already married with three children. [ laughter ] it was hard to get them to kiss me. [ light laughter ] seth well, thank you so much for being here. Its such a pleasure to talk to you. Oh, im having fun. Thank you so much. [ cheers and applause ] seth alan alda, everybody. If i understood you, would i have this look on my face is on sale now. Well be right back with mary Elizabeth Winstead. [ cheers and applause ] this is the story of how q got curly. Quin was crazy about curls. Curly fries. Curly straws. Curly haired dogs. Even those cute curly tails on pigs. But to quins chagrin everything about her was so very straight. Which made the next twist so amazing. Did she expect to find a highend hair curler at a mindbendingly low price . Never. But thats the beauty of a store full of surprises. You never know what youre gonna find, but you know youre gonna love it. Marshalls. Your surprise is waiting. Well its a perfect nespresso hold on a second. Orge. Mmm. [mel torme sings comin home baby] hey there. Want a lift . Where are we going . No dont tell me. Let me guess. Have a nice ride. How far would you go for coffee thats a cup above . I brought you nespresso. Nespresso. What else . Its like nothing the power of nexium 24hr protection from frequent heartburn. All day, and all night. Now packed into a pill so small, we call it mini. New clearminis from nexium 24hr. See heartburn differently. You feel the need to take. A smellfie. Hanes wants to end the smellfie. Those quick selfsniffs. To check the ol smell levels. But this thing weve all done doesnt need to be a thing. Theres a smart way to stay fresh. Hanes with freshiq advanced odorprotection technology. Get your free trial pack at hanes. Com. [ eerie music playing ] it takes a monster. She did something to me. To defeat a monster. The essence of evil calls to you now. The mummy. Rated pg13. [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back, everybody. You know our next guest from films like 10 cloverfield lane and scott pilgrim vs. The world. She is currently starring in the third season of fxs critically acclaimed series fargo. Lets take a look. Remind me what you do again. I work for a Company Called narwhal. No, you dont. You tell people you work for a Company Called narwhal, cause people look past middle management. But i know a boss when i see one. Very good. You just added a zero to your salary. Thats okay. I already got a job, blackmailing you. Seth please welcome back to the show mary Elizabeth Winstead, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] seth hi. Hi seth its so good to see you again. Its so good to be here again. Seth congratulations on season three of the show. This is a show that, when it first became a show, i doubted it could live up to the high standards of movie fargo. Then i doubted season two could live up to season one. And now you are up against all these things and you guys are just hitting it out of the park every week. Was this a show that you were familiar with when you took on season three . I was. I was very familiar. I had actually been talking to noah hawley, whos the genius showrunner behind the show for a while, because we met about the first season. And i had those same reservations. I was like, why . Seth yeah, why mess with fargo . Its like my favorite movie. Ive seen it more times than ive seen any other movie, so i was kind of terrified about it. And then it turned out i wasnt available anyway. And so that didnt materialize. And then season two came around and we talked about trying to find a cameo for me and that didnt work out. And so by the time he called about season three, i was just like, yes, please seth and it was great. I mean the part that eventually came around to you yeah. Seth was one worth waiting for. How much did you know about this part before you signed on . Nothing. I really did. As soon as he called, i just went, yeah. Like he didnt even get a full sentence out. Seth yeah. I just went, yes i will play seth that makes that puts you in a terrible negotiating situation. Right, i know, i know it kind of does, right . [ light laughter ] i didnt really think that through. But i just knew, i mean, having seen the other two seasons, like every single part is so good. Seth its so good. But it should i should point out because each season has sort of that sort of classic Francis Mcdormand yeah. Seth you know, cop character. Yeah. Seth you are not that. Im not that. Thats sort of being embodied by carrie coons character seth who is fantastic as well. So good on the show. So i knew she was already cast. But i still kind of thought i would be playing maybe somebody like that or maybe a nice housewife seth youre not a nice housewife. Im not a nice housewife. Seth no. No. Seth youre a real bad seed in this show. I am a real bad seed. Seth but theres one of the things i love about noahs writing is there is great detail about you, which is, you are an excellent bridge player. Yeah. Seth do you know how to play bridge in real life . I took some lessons seth because of this . Because of this. Seth gotcha. And i was determined in the beginning to like really become an expert and be like super method, but im not smart enough is is what seth how fast into bridge ive never learned how to play bridge. Oh, my god. Seth how fast into it did you realize you couldnt . Probably in the first ten seconds. Seth really . Yeah. It went so far over my head and i seth so we have to give huge props to the elderly. Yes [ light laughter ] seth we really do. Yes. This is what yes. [ laughter and applause ] seth i mean, its amazing. Its incredible. Seth because theres the scene where you play bridge in the show, it its absolute its instant nonsense to me. Oh, its gibberish. Seth yeah. I mean, its like its like i mean its so complicated. Its strategic and mathy, you know . Theres so many numbers and things to memorize and things to think about. Seth i just got to say that i like it. Theres old people keeping their brains sharp. Thats it. Sharp as a tack. Absolutely. Seth you Ewan Mcgregor yeah. Seth plays brothers in the show. And so, was it weird, basically having to act with ewan as he played two different people. Well, i mostly just had to act with him as one character seth right. So that was helpful. He really was this character, ray, for me all the time. But occasionally i would run into him when he was in makeup as this other character, emmit, and even though he actually is in way less prosthetics in that character, hes much more just himself. He only wears a wig and colored contacts. Whereas in ray, hes in like hes just in a fat suit, hes got prosthetics, hes this whole thing. But the main difference is in this other role, he wears brown colored contacts. And so it makes him look and feel like a completely different person. Seth right. Like it really changes his entire seth is it hard can you tell when youre acting with someone wearing colored contacts . Now i know that i can, yeah. Seth yeah. [ light laughter ] its like it really does like put i mean, it worked out so well that hes wearing them for this character, because thats the more sort of character that people dont relate to as much. Seth yes. And that they almost had him wear it for ray and it would have been such a mistake. Seth awful. Yeah. Because you want to love ray and its so hard to kind of love someone when youve got something in between, you know, like that. Seth i once on saturday night live i never wore colored contacts in my life and there was one time lorne wanted me to wear them, but as he said, i feel like the person youre playing would not have blue eyes. Really . Seth and it was osama bin laden. [ laughter ] you know, i can understand seth there was there was an argument where youre like, well, i dont know. [ light laughter ] so the episode that will have aired when this airs, which is fantastic, were talking about it backstage, you were out in the alberta woods. Oh, yeah. Seth and it was looked freezing. And this was an episode with a lot of stunts and a lot of falling around. And you tweeted a photo of your leg and this bruise. Is that a painted on bruise or the real thing . No, that was real. Yeah, yeah. Seth wow. And it got worse. At a certain point i couldnt post anything, because i was like, this people will really worry about my well being. [ light laughter ] seth yeah. At this point, i cant. Cant do it anymore. Seth and with that cold, because youre sort of not dressed for the cold for that scene. Yeah. Seth what are you is there any tricks to the trade of how you they keep you its a lot of layers. Its a lot of like really attractive layers. Seth oh yeah, you have a photo. Another photo you showed. So this is so this is the attractive, alluring, how you keep warm when youre i like the booties. Seth yeah. I think that is the sexiest part, that it goes all the way to the toes. Seth and how basically how long does that help until youre freezing in that, too . It really i mean once its soaked, you know, i actually had to walk through a freezing river while wearing this. Seth yeah, yeah. This is not nothings built for rivers. Youre screwed. Seth yeah. And then you have to stand by the heaters and you steam, you literally watch your body steam. And you just wonder if youre going to light on fire, i mean [ light laughter ] seth well, thank you for putting yourself through all that. It is so worth it for how wonderful the show is. [ cheers and applause ] its so great to have you back. Thank you seth congratulations. Mary Elizabeth Winstead, everybody. Fargo airs on wednesday nights at 10 00p. M. On fx. Well be right back with desus mero. [ cheers and applause ]. Got it. Rumor confirmed. Theyre playing. What . We gotta go. Where . San francisco. When . Friday. We gotta go. [ tires screech ] any airline. Any hotel. Any time. Go where you want, when you want with no blackout dates. [ muffled music coming from club. Blue monday by new order. Cheers. ] how does it feel the travel rewards credit card from bank of america. Its travel, better connected. The travel rewards credit card from bank of america. What ari can explain. S 11pm. You should be out there disappointing your father. I need to clean this place up. Bloopy, bad judgement and loopy. Hunger keeps inventing new problems, so we invented snickers® crisper. Xter ate my slippers, im going on a targetrun, you need anything . Toilet paper. Cereal. Maybe some chew toys. Got it get everyday low prices on everyday essentials, targetrun and done. Pnow, the world is your diner. L . Yup. With new dennys online ordering, get whatever you want, whenever you want, now wherever you want. Order at dennys. Com oreo thins. A thin twist on the oreo cookie you love. [laughs] you have a side that is retired playing tag and gettin tired. You have a side that saves for their tuition. But right now it looks like bedtime is the mission. A side that owns your own store. Looks like you need to expand some more. Thats why theres nationwide. They help protect and grow your many sides. Nationwide is on your side. Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea heres pepto bismol ah. Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea [ cheers and applause ] seth our next guests host the very funny late night show, desus mero, weeknights on viceland. Please welcome to the show desus nice and the kid mero. [ cheers and applause ] seth hi, how are you guys . Seth hi, how are you guys . Hey. Seth i am such fans of your work in the talk show game. Thank you. Seth and its great to you have on mine. I will say a lot of these talk shows have similar looking sets. Yours is very different. Yes. Yes. Seth how did you end up with such an unconventional set, because its in the bear room. Right. The bare room at vice was a Conference Room. Seth lets take real quick. Look at that. Seth look at that. Thats where do you the show. [ light laughter ] so that is this is an actual set . Thats an actual set. Its not as nice as this. Seth yeah. Yeah. They skimped. I feel a little jealous now. [ light laughter ] might have some questions tomorrow. We definitely dont have 80,000 people on set. Seth but this is so this is a working Conference Room . This is a working conference yeah. Sometimes when were filming the show, people show up and hold their mac books like, i signed up for this room at 5 00. Guys, this is why we have the marketing meeting at 11 00. [ light laughter ] are you guys could you hurry it up please . Yeah, please. And put the weed out, please. Yeah, were just like, uh, were trying to do a late night show here, guys. [ light laughter ] seth and you talk a lot about pop culture, but you also talk a lot about politics, which i love. You talk about the president yes. Seth a great deal. You youre sort of theory is that he is like the most unqualified guy in an office. Absolutely. Its like seeing someone at your job and they are completely unqualified and theyre botching their job. And every day youre laughing like, hes going to get fired. Hes going to get fired. Watch, its gonna happen. Then you find out hes in charge of the payrolls and youre like, yo, this cannot go on anymore. My god. [ light laughter ] you dont know how to do spreadsheets i know youre lying seth and now, one of the things i love about the show, we were talking about this a little backstage. Sometimes it seems like you guys are finding out about the news almost in real time. Yes. Seth and is that does that make it fun for you . Because it makes it fun because its interesting. You always want to see your, you know, potential demise yes. Seth yeah. Unfold before you. Its like were in the world the world is a car, whoever is driving it right now, theyre speeding, theyre texting. Were in the back like this, like, ah [ light laughter ] so its better to find out the news as were telling you guys the news. [ light laughter ] because some of this stuff, if i watched it at 8 00 a. M. In the morning, im not coming into work. Seth gotcha. So if there i dont know if trump is like tweeting out the Nuclear Codes and stuff. Im just trying to get to im trying to get to work. Yeah, listen, somebody tried to use covfefe as a nuclear code. Ill tell you that right now. [ laughter ] seth oh, yeah, they probably tried it. Youre right, exactly. They were like, its worth a shot. And you know they had to dumb down the nuclear code for donald trump. Yeah before it was like something complex like, a1 no. It was like a wifi code. Now its probably just like triangle, circle nuke one. [ light laughter ] square. Nuke smiley face. [ light laughter ] its like a smiley and a frowny. Which one is the good one . Password is the new code is trump123. [ light laughter ] seth so you guys have guests on your show yes. Seth and a lot of them are guests on other talk shows as well, Rachel Maddow, chris hayes, Neil Degrasse tyson. Shout to neil. Seth now, are they excited to be on a show thats a little bit more relaxed . Yes. Yeah. Because Rachel Maddow came through in like sneakers on. Yeah. You know what im saying . Like no suit, you know what i mean . Just very chill. Its very casual. Yeah. Also, every celebrity loves our show, cause you can come on there and curse. Yeah. Seth yeah, thats a nice its so good. You cant come on here seth no, yeah. Its good to just let seth and you guys dont have to beep it right . No, we are allowed five f words. Seth really . Every episode. I thought he was going to say it. I thought he was going to say it. [ light laughter ] i know you know what, every weve been on other shows, on Major Networks and weve dropped big curses on every other show. And they told us not to do it on this, so we seth yeah, youre very careful. Seth by the way, im going to i you know what . Ill give you one. Youll give us one . [ light laughter ] come on. [ cheers and applause ] how many syllables do you want . Damn, seth, are you [ bleep ] with me . [ laughter and applause ] seth so wait, you get five . Now are there times in your half hour show that you hit the five real early . Yeah, like two minutes in. They pick em up. Sometimes we hit em right away. But then theyll pick them, so then you got the viewers watching at home and theyre like, why did they bleep the f one in the beginning and not thirty minutes in. Seth oh because you feel like later its more the f word eighteen minutes in counts more than the f word two minutes. You know what i mean . Yeah. Seth really . Oh, interesting. And do you guys ever is there a thing of, hey, man, tonight you used all five. I think thats lousy. No. Its like a shopping spree, as soon as you get in there, you use up all of them. [ light laughter ] im using all the n words and mfs, the f word, all of that. Whatever [ bleep ] count. Ooh, oh i did it twice [ laughter and applause ] you guys see that . Seth when did you guys when did you guys know you were funny . Oh when i was a little kid, my cadre of did i say that right, cadre . Seth yeah. I dont know. Of drunk dominican uncles would have me come into the living room and impersonate each other, you know what i mean . So theyd be like, julio, impersonate julio. Then id do my drunk uncle and everybody would laugh. So its a room full of 40yearold men cracking up at a seven year old kid, and i was like, wait a minute, i can use this to get sneakers and candy [ light laughter ] i knew i was funny, because i was three months behind on my rent and every time the landlord would show up, i would just try to distract him with jokes like, not going to smack me [ light laughter ] i got that rent for you, my brother. Oh, you know. You also cant pay your con edison bill with jokes. Yeah, so being on tv and actually and actually getting a paycheck for being funny. Seth thats nice. Its so good. That that confirms it. So good. How does it feel . Seth i like it, yeah. Is it is it good . Seth being on tv and getting paid for it is really nice. What would you be doing if you didnt have a tv show . Seth oh, i dont know, i have no other skills. Yeah. [ light laughter ] do you guys have a backup plan . Ah have you ever ride the train and theres subway dancers . Showtime [ laughter and applause ] i really cant do that. I cant do that. No, no, no. Dont encourage him i have two herniated discs. There will be no showtime. Seth now, you guys are on tv. Are your but maybe not everybody in your family is excited. Do you have a nephew . No, my my nephew hates that im on tv. He threw a rant the other day. Hes like, im sick of seeing uncle desus on. Every time hes on, hes taking away time from mickey mouse. He rolled around on the ground and was like, im sick of seeing uncle desus. Yeah. And i was like, stop being a little hater, thats how i get my money. [ light laughter ] yeah. Mickey mouse dont got bills. Mickey mouse was like, [ bleep ] desus. Thats a third [ laughter and applause ] oh, my whatre we doing . Whatre we doing . Two more two more two more seth this is really this is playing into the theory that once one gets out [ light laughter ] it leaves the door open. Open a door or box. Seth yeah. Its like drinking just like breaking the seal. Seth yeah, absolutely. So now you somebody in the audience has to pee right now. [ light laughter ] seth you have you have kids . I have four children. Seth four children. I have three boys and a girl. Theyre all under six. Dont commend that. Seth oh, yeah. [ light laughter ] no, thank you. Look, that doesnt take any work all the vibrating uteruses in the room, i salute you. Shout out to you all, you know what i mean . We have four kids. I love them all. Theyre great and they dont know what what if he came on here and said, oh, i love three of them. [ light laughter ] like, i like the three, but the last one, shes not brining the heat. Give me a couple years. Give me a couple years. Seth well you just should say three of them and let them figure out who it is, yeah. Yeah. Theyd be like, who is it . Is it me . Its like game of thrones. [ light laughter ] hes betraying us. Its a if youre going to have that weird red wedding and im going to have no part in it. [ laughter ] seth do they care that youre on tv . My kids care that im on tv now, because i get stopped places. Seth oh, okay. And my oldest son looked at me one day. We were at target and this lady was with her boyfriend or her significant other and like abandoned him to ran up to me and was like, oh, my god, mero, i love you guys so much. Youre so funny, blah, blah, blah. And then, you know, did the whole made her boyfriend take a picture of us. And it was like, you know, whatever. And then my son turned to me and was like, daddy, youre famous, arent you . And i was like, no i was like, thats 7, like im not that famous, but that [ bleep ] back right now. [ light laughter ] right now. This one stay in the dollar bin area, you know what im saying . Were not that famous. [ light laughter ] at least he has kids to be impressed by. Like my parents are immigrants, they came to this country with like 1 and a goat. [ light laughter ] so they started from scratch. Nothing i do can impress them. Your parents had a goat . A goat. They were rich. They were in the 1 of jamaica, so [ laughter ] unless i have a job that i get dirt underneath my nails they do not care. I can theyre watching this right now and theyre going to be like, hmm. Seth thats right, going from like yeah, going from a goat to where they are is more impressive than what youve done. Theyre like, so, you give seth your resume . [ light laughter ] im like, no, i have a why would i apply for a job here . Yeah, you know, i heard seth has four goats. [ laughter ] seth congratulations on the show, guys. You each have one more. You want to throw them out there . Uh, were going on tour this summer yeah. Be sure to [ bleep ] check us out. Seth there you go. [ cheers and applause ] check out the live show, yall. Were see you, boys. Seth desus and mero, everybody. Their show airs weeknights on viceland. Well be right back. [ cheers and applause ] love is like a bowl of cherries, just dont swallow the seeds. So if anyone has a reason that these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace. Ahem, sorry. Oh, no. So, so sorry. Its just that your friend daryl here is supposed to be Live Streaming the wedding and, uh, hes not getting any service. Daryl, you dont have service . Oh, i missed, like, the whole thing. What . Daryl, daryl, daryl. Yeah, its true, and i just got an unlimited plan. Well, its the right plan, just the wrong network. You see, verizon is the largest, most reliable 4g lte network in america. Its built to work better in cities. Tell you what, ill let you use my phone. Thanks. Yeah, no problem. We should probably start from the. The top . Alright, lets go live. Say hi to everybody who wasnt invited chuckles okay. Announcer when it really, really matters, you need the best network and the best unlimited. Just 45 per line for four lines. You crashing this thing too . Just me then . Bite into magnum double cookies and cream. And unleash your wild side. Made with cookies cream ice cream and rich belgian chocolate. Discover magnum. Welcome to maxx you. You are whimsical, vibrant, statement making. We see what makes you unique. So we have something for everyone, at a price thats just right for you. Maxx you. Maxx life. T. J. Maxx take on the mainstream. Introducing nissans new midnight edition. Bill assumed his mayo was the best choice. Assume nothing. Just like the leading brand, kraft real mayo is made with high Quality Ingredients at a price you can feel good about no wonder kraft is so good. Tha. Oh, burnton gravy . Ie. Gotta rinse that. Nope. No way. Nada. Really . Dish issues . Throw it all in. New cascade platinum powers through. Even burnton gravy. Nice. Cascade. Announcer for more late night, go to latenightseth. Com. Follow us on instagram and twitter latenightseth. And be sure to check us out on youtube and facebook. Head over to itunes and subscribe to the late night with seth meyers podcast. Youll get a closer look and more downloaded right to your phone every day. [ eerie music throughout ] the mummy. Has returned. You wish to see. What i have seen . You will. When. I. Kill you. [ explosions ] [ intense music ] the mummy. Rated pg13. [ cheers and applause ] seth my thanks to alan alda, mary Elizabeth Winstead, desus mero, everybody [ cheers and applause ] jared champion, the g8 band. Stay tuned for carson daly. Well see you tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ] carson good evening, im carson daly. This is last call. Tonight, we got a good one. Standup comic and writer moshe kasher is the subject of our last call spotlight. Musics cool, too. Ethan gruss here for the music tonight, making his solo network tv debut
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