Mate mike pence accidentally referred to trump as his opponent. Which is ridiculous. Everyone knows trump is his own opponent. [ laughter and applause ] gotta stay got to stay out of your way, buddy. Donald trump said at a rally yesterday that republicans who want to run in 2020 dont have even a little bit of a chance of beating hillary clinton. Oh, wow. So youre running again . [ laughter and applause ] trump supporter Newt Gingrich, last night, accused fox newss megyn kelly of being fascinated with sex by continuing to report on women accusing donald trump of inappropriate behavior. Newt, theres a difference between being fascinated by sex and being horrified by sexual assault. Its kind of like beyonce and rihanna. Everyone knows the difference except old white men. [ light laughter ] [ applause ] according according to the new york times, donald trump once stormed off a mountain after his thenwife ivana proved to be better at skiing than he is. Though he is proving to be pretty good at sliding rapidly downhill. [ cheers and applause ] microsoft announced a free update to windows today that allows users to take photos and edit them in 3d. Critics are calling it the most exciting thing youll evler ever explain to your grandma. [ light laughter ] youll elvol explain to your grandma. A group of scientists recently found two undiscovered moons near uranus. Said president obama, yeah, i get it, joe. [ light laughter ] very funny. Very funny, joe. [ applause ] the ceo of starbucks announced today that the company will open 1,000 new highend coffee shops called starbucks reserve. Oh, im sorry. Was my 5 latte the cheap stuff . [ laughter ] have i been slumming it up til now, starbucks . [ applause ] a man destroyed Donald Trumps star on the hollywood walk of fame last night using a sledgehammer. Actually it was a gavel, said paul ryan. [ laughter ] a school in california is testing a new program that forgoes traditional teachers and has students teach and grade each others classwork. So good luck to the students at straight as academy. [ light laughter ] and finally apples chief designer is working on building a custom Christmas Tree for a hotel in london. And so is samsung. [ laughter and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight. She is a fantastic actress. Her new film love friendship, which is excellent, is streaming on amazon. Kate beckinsale joins us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] he is a friend of the show. Hes one of those guys you meet and it turns out is exactly as wonderful a person as you would have thought. Colin hanks from cbss life in pieces back with us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] looking forward to our two fantastic guests. Before we get to that, the president ial campaign turned to the issue of health care yesterday, as the Obama Administration announced that premiums for obamacare would rise next year. This was a golden opportunity for the Trump Campaign, one they predictably misplayed. For more on this its time for a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] seth trumps task with less than two weeks to go is to appeal to voters beyond his base. Now, youd think some bad obamacare news might help him with that, but the Trump Campaign never misses the opportunity to miss an opportunity. First, at an event yesterday, trump tried to tout what he claimed was his support from black voters. I love the signs behind me. Blacks for trump. I like those signs. [ cheers ] blacks for trump. You watch. Seth first of all, black people dont call themselves blacks. [ light laughter ] but it turns out that was only the second worst thing about that sign. Blacks for trump. You watch. You watch. Those signs are great. Thank you. [ laughter ] seth either that lady doesnt know what sign shes holding or her husband got an earful on the drive home. Oh, you said wed make it to the rally in plenty of time. But were there any women for trump signs when we got there . No. So i guess now im a black. [ laughter ] then later that night, trump supporter and former House SpeakerNewt Gingrich, instead of seizing on the obamacare news, got into a bizarre fight with fox news anchor megyn kelly, accusing her of being obsessed because she has the audacity to report on trumps history of Sexual Misconduct towards women. I mean, you want to know why Donald Trumps had a rough time if trump is a sexual predator, that is hes not a sexual predator. You cant say that okay, thats your opinion. Im not taking a position on it. You cannot defend that statement. I am m not taking a position on it. Now im sick and tired of people like you using language thats inflammatory thats not true. You want to go back to the tapes of your show recently . You are fascinated with sex and you dont care about public policy. Me . Really . Thats what i get out of watching you tonight. You know what, mr. Speaker . Im not fascinated by sex. Seth fascinated by sex . Even if she was a sex addict, im pretty sure Newt Gingrich is the cure. [ laughter ] but, of course, the core of gingrichs rage is his belief there is too much focus on the Sexual Misconduct of donald trump, the gop nominee, and not enough of the misconduct of bill clinton, the spouse of the democratic nominee. Do you want to comment on whether the clinton ticket has a relationship to a sexual predator . We on the kelly file have covered that story as well, sir. I will tell you the polls i just want to hear you use the words. I want to hear the words bill clinton, sexual predator. I dare you. Say bill clinton, sexual predator. Seth you dare her . Is this an interview or a middle School Sleepover . [ laughter ] and if you dont accept my dare, you have to tell the truth do you think im handsome . [ laughter ] but dont worry, just when it seemed like kelly had gotten the last word, gingrich was ready with a sick comeback. The polls also show hell be that the American Public is less interested hell be in the east wing. In the deeds of Hillary Clintons husband than they are in the deeds of the man who asked us to make him president , donald trump. Were going to have to leave it at that and you can take your anger issues and spend some time working on them, mr. Speaker. Thanks for being here. And you t and you too. You too. Seth and and you and you too. You also, megyn and to you as well. I say the same in return back to you. [ laughter ] [ applause ] now, all of this underscores just how incompetent team trump is, because on tuesday trump got what for any normal republican would be a political gift, when the Obama Administration announced that Health Insurance premiums would rise next year by an average of more than 20 . Now, thats bad news on the surface, but its still in line with the projections made by the congressional budget office. Obviously, obamacare is a nuanced, complicated issue that requires sober analysis and discussion, or as donald trump put it its killing our businesses. Its killing our small businesses. Its killing individuals. Seth obamacare is killing us, china is killing us, Political Correctness is killing us. Trump always frames things in the most hysterical way possible. God forbid President Trump ever has to deal with a slight dip in gdp. Hed probably tweet, its a depression, every man for himself. Eat your neighbors. [ light laughter ] now, the context is important here. Those increases will only affect the small percentage of consumers who get insurance on the individual market. Most people get it from their jobs or Government Programs like medicare. And on top of that, the vast majority of people who do get insurance through obamacare will get increased subsidies to offset those costs. In fact, most people using obamacare will be able to find plans for less than 75 a month. Compare that to the average cable bill in this country, which is 103 a month. Although for 103 you do get excellent medical advice on tv, like this. Please welcome the worlds only talking large intestine. Can i massage you . Oh, you know we colons always like a good massage. But only from the outside, please. Seth wait. If thats the only talking colon, then whos this . [ laughter and applause ] now, there are lots of different ideas for improving health care in this country that we should have a serious debate about, like letting more people enroll in medicare or strengthening the individual mandate. But unfortunately, one of our two president ial candidates seems much less interested in having that discussion than he is in plugging his own businesses. Yesterday, trump held an event at his golf course in florida. And as the obamacare news was breaking, he spent most of his time advertising the resort. Now, remember, this is a president ial candidate two weeks away from the general election and he chose to spend his time talking about this. Were very proud of this. Its 800 acres in the middle of miami. We could have renovated the inexpensive way with paint, but instead we ripped it down to the steel. If you look at the ballroom, that was a brandnew ballroom that didnt exist. We took it down to the absolute steel, with the bookings are through the roof. And i must tell you, the land is great, the golf courses are you know, the blue monster is one of the great courses in the world. Its a brandnew blue monster. We had a construction crew here of 1,600 people. We did it under budget. Although i did increase the scope of the work, because we decided to use the finest marbles. Seth we used the finest marbles. Oh, are they the same marbles that you have clearly lost . [ laughter ] trump even managed to add a layer of discomfort by inviting his own employees to come on stage to say nice things about him, and joking that if they didnt, theyd lose their jobs. I thought maybe one or two of the folks would like to come up and say a few words. If you want, anybody would like to say a few words about working for trump . Anybody . Anybody back here . Come on, come on. [ cheers ] i hope shes going to say good. You want to come up . Come up. No, come on up. Anybody over here . You want to say . Come on up. Guy better say good or ill say, youre fired. Ill say, who is that guy . Youre fired. Seth whats worse . Your boss saying, youre fired or your boss saying, who is that guy . Youre fired. [ laughter ] eventually trump did get around to story of the day, the rise in the obamacare premiums, but in a way that didnt quite make sense. I can say all of my employees are having a tremendous problem with obamacare. Seth what are you talking about . Obamacare is for people who dont have Health Insurance, but your employees do get Health Insurance from you. Just ask the general manager of your own resort who tried to clarify after the event. Id say 99 of our employees are insured through the hotel. Through our insurance. And maybe theres a few that are insured through obamacare. I would say and i havent gone through the records, but over 95 without a doubt. Seth also, i should go work on my resume, because im pretty sure im about to get fired and yep, i see him pointing at me and, yes, im fired. [ laughter ] so after a day in which he lacked a cohesive attack on obamacare and instead wasted time singing the praises of one of his golf courses, you might think trump would change his approach. Surely he wouldnt spend a second day plugging one of his businesses in a nonswing state less than two weeks away from the election, right . Donald trump is taking time off from the campaign this morning for the grand opening of his new hotel in washington. Hes at the Ribbon Cutting right now. One of the great Hotels Anywhere in the world. Were going to now be cutting a ribbon. Why dont you bring them up . Thats right. Come on. Theyre so beautiful. Never seen scissors that look this beautiful. Seth hes never seen scissors that beautiful before . He cant even comment on inanimate objects without making it sound like he wants to have sex with them. [ laughter ] these scissors are gorgeous. And there was a stapler backstage. I got her number, too. [ laughter ] as for obamacare, its a huge improvement, but it also is imperfect. It has problems, and we need serious ideas for how to make it better. But the reasons republicans havent proposed any real plans that fix or replace obamacare is because they dont have any. And the guy they nominated for president doesnt even seem to know what it is. Unfortunately, for the republican party, its too late to repeal and replace him with something better. This has been a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] well be right back with more late night, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] the heart of every hybrid. Only a few. Truly move us. Electrifying the road forward for over a decade with over one million on the road, lexus hybrids are always charged and always ready. I struggle with bipolar and its hard. , its difficult to see someone you love struggle. I miss out on lifes little moments. 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Switch now and get 20 gigs and four lines for 160. All on americas best network. [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back, everybody. Please give it up for the 8g band right over there. [ cheers and applause ] also, sitting in with the band this week, an incredible musician from right here in new york city, one of our favorite guest drummers to have on the show. Allison miller, everybody, right over there. [ cheers and applause ] be sure to check out some of allisons drumming tips over at reverb. Com. Always a pleasure have you here, allison. Thank you. Seth thank you so much. [ applause ] now, here at late night every night, i deliver a monologue comprised of jokes. These jokes have been written by a diverse team of writers. And because of that diversity, as a result of it, a lot of jokes come across my desk that, due to my being a straight, white male, would be difficult for me to deliver. But we dont think that should stop you from enjoying them. So wed like to share them with you in a segment called, jokes seth cant tell. [ applause ] seth these are two of our writer, amber and jenny. Im black. And im gay. And were both women. Seth and im not. So, how this works is ill read the setups for these jokes and amber and jenny will read the punch lines. Here we go. A new York State Senate candidate is facing criticism after saying he planned to hand out koolaid, kfc, and watermelons in harlem to court black voters. We are outraged, said black people, between bites. [ laughter ] seth a writer for wonder woman recently said in an interview that wonder woman is bisexual. While a writer for batman and robin didnt have to. [ laughter ] seth very nice. Yeah, yeah. The first black formula 1 racer, lewis hamilton, won his seventh race of the season on sunday. This might have been due to the fact that second place was a police car. [ light laughter ] [ audience ohs ] seth im so glad i didnt tell that one. [ laughter ] okay. Oh, wait, no, sorry. This next ones about Puerto Ricans. We cant do it. Oh, im actually puerto rican. Seth oh, okay, then we can. All right, here we go. A recent power outage in puerto rico left millions without power for three days. Sorry, said the landlord of that building. [ light laughter ] seth oh, because Puerto Ricans yes, muchas personas en lugar pequino. [ laughter ] seth all right, here we go. Recently a white woman was seen at a trump rally holding a blacks for trump sign. Said black people, its not like we were using it. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] seth it was announced recently that a popular web series about a lesbian vampire will be turned into a feature film. A lesbian vampire is just like a regular vampire, except she loves having sex when youre on your period. [ audience ohs ] seth oh oh seth put that in jokes jenny cant tell. [ laughter ] woo were off and running now, guys woo [ light laughter ] seth in response to several incidents of clowns attacking people, a group of clowns organized a clown lives matter movement. It was just like a black lives matter movement, except with fewer wigs. [ light laughter ] seth i dont get it. Do black people wear a lot of wigs . Yeah. Fake hair is fun. Seth oh, so is that your real hair . You cant ask me that. Seth oh. Can jenny ask you that . No. Seth do lesbians wear wigs . No we barely wear chapstick. Seth okay, cool. [ light laughter ] im learning about a lot. Yeah. Hey, seth, why dont you try to tell one . Seth i dont think thats a good idea. Why . Cmon, just one. Seth because i think i