Did you look at the place, really . Its all kind of. Old. Its its just. This this is not the ideal vacation for a guy who works like a dog his whole year. [ sniffling ] its chilly now. Im goin in. My nose is runnin here. [ sniffling ] [ italian accent ] i speak english little. Oh, yeah . Hey, beautiful. Im glad youre here. Is better. Not so much mehmehmehmehmehmeh what . Mehmehmehmehmehmeh oh, i get it. Yeah. [ highpitched voice ] bahbahbahbahbahbah si. Bahbahbahbahbahbah mehmehmehmehmehmeh bahbahbahbahbahbah mehmehmehmehmehmeh ha ha ha ha heh heh heh heh hey bahbahbahbahbahbah. All right, everyone. We dont have time to dawdle. Oh. Weve got to start sightseeing if were gonna stick to my itinery. Get up, frank. Come on, everyone. Were gonna have fun fun with grandma come on, come on. Whoo here we go. She did pay for the trip. And now we pay. Marie who wants the best ice cream in the world . Come on. Cheap foreign napkins hey. What . What are you all mopey about . I dont know. I cant enjoy myself because of my dilemma. Its not a dilemma. It is a dilemma, raymond. Youre not the only one with dilemmas. I got amy, but i keep thinkin about joanne. I cant sort out my feelings. And im in the most gorgeous place in the world, and im sitting here next to you. Robbie, heres your peach. Raymond, you sure you dont want anything . No, ii cant taste anything, ma. Oh, dont be sick here. You know i called joanne today . What . What, from here . Oh, whats wrong with you . I hung up when she answered. I couldnt talk to her. Cost me 20 bucks. Im a loser. Its just that, i want holy mother of god. What . This. This this is the its as if ive never tasted a peach before. Mmm, mmm, mmm. Its as if youve never been in public before. Would you stop it . Woman scusate. Desiderate qualcosa da bere . Buon giorno. Giorno. [ italian accent ] you like something to drink . Si. Limonata . Si. Excuse, please. You may be muddling through allergies. Try zyrtecd®. 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Its that thing dad always talks are yabout the thunderbolt. Who, the gelatgirl . Dont call her that. What are you talkin about . Thats what she is. All right . I dont know her longterm goals. Excuse, please. Oh, oh, oh, oh oh, my lord. Ggrazie. Okay. Im gonna go blow my nose in the tablecloth. So. Do you speak english . I a little. [ giggles ] so, youre in gelato . Yes, for now. Stefania oh, i think your boss wants you back. I better go. Wait. Stefania all right, pal. Jeez. Hes got to learn how to chill out a little. Whats with this guy . Hes my father. [ exhaling deeply ] oh. Thats nice. Hes a hard worker. I will see you again . See me again . Oh. Oh. Yes. Stefania ciao. Ciao. Hey, sexy [ laughs ] what do you want . Hey, listen rome today its only a half an hour away and collettas gonna watch the kids. Yeah, great. I hate this damn thing [ sneezes ] sprayer has no pressure its like a thirdworld country. Stupid place would you lighten up . look where we are i am lookin. Im takin a bath like columbus. How bout that giorgio guy . What . I saw him drinkin my listerine thats what. Whole place is annoying. You got to change money. Thats a scam. Nobody sees that . How can they not see that . Say what you want about new jersey aaah aaah ray turn it down well, how did it get on . aaah hey are you crazy . im taking a shower dammelo oh, my god oh, god alza il braccio no alza il braccio i would do what she says, ray. No alza il braccio could everybody leave, please . you want me to get the video camera . Alza il braccio no will you stop hitting me . all right . You cant do this to me. Im an american. Alza il braccio alza il braccio this wasnt in the brochure. Marie oh, here comes giorgio with the car. Look how cute. Okay. Were all gettin in that . Good luck, sweetie. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha eh. I dont think im gonna fit in there, either. Maybe you can sit on top and push with your arms. Hey oh hello hello. There. Where did you go . Uh, i was, you know, gonna go to rome roam around. [rome] uh, come with me. I can show you. Okay. Not you. Get back. Get back i show you roma and the lago di bracciano, where i grow up. Okay . Yes. Very nice. Uh, hurry up, before my father sees. Marie robert i dont understand. What is this . This is luck. Toots, over here. Stefania ciao ciao [ horn honks ] look at this. Robert gets the gelato girl, and i get hosed down by mrs. Mussolini. Marie oh, look at that debra and the colors of it this is beautiful. Frank this is somethin look at the look at the fountain. Oh ha raymond, i cant belie wee here these are the spanish steps. Spanish . I knew we were walkin too long. And the reason theyre called that okay, sorry i asked. Were goin up. Do we have to, really . Ray, this is the spanish steps wheres the spanish elevator . Ill go with you, honey. Thank you, marie. Only you would think of these as stairs. What are they, then . Hey, let me carry that stuff for you, cara mia. Thank you, frank. One. Two. Three. Four. Walk, walk, walk, walk. Five. Six. Seven. [ speaking italian ] excuse me . Sei bellissima very beautiful, you. Oh, ha ha ha nice hair. Oh, thank you. All right, lets go. What . Man ciao, beautiful girl. Okay byebye dont say bye to them. Why not . You talked to them, now theyre gonna follow you home. Oh, would you stop it . No, you stop. You like that. Hey, cacha poochie oh, god. Yeah, you listen you better watch yourself, okay . They got one thing on their mind. Thats how italian men are. Not all of them. Hey what . whats that supposed to mean . hey, you got nothin better to do but ogle women . you should start workin on a standup shower aw anyway, so, the kids want to sleep with grandma and debra. So im gonna sleep here with you, okay . No problem. Just dont hog the covers and itll be an upgrade for me. You gettin undressed, or what . Ill make a deal with you. Ill take somethin off, you put somethin on. Good night, there, son. Yeah. [ grunts ] good night. Its a beautiful place, huh . Oh. Yeah. Yeah, good night. Ill tell you, when your mother told me shed been hidin that money from me, i was thinkin what dress to lay her out in. But now im here. In friggin italy. Its like a dream. Im from lynbrook. Ii worked my whole life. I never thought id be in such a place. I was just wonderin could your leg be in another pce . I happen to be serious. All right, okay. No, i know ii complain about stuff and all that, but. Im a lucky man. [ crying ] im a very lucky man. [ sighs ] im not holding him. [ female announcer ] kleenex tissues help stop moisture better than the leading competitor. Save yourself from an awkward situation. Dont get caught without kleenex tissues. [ corbett ] if you havent checked your medicare drug plan this year, you could be at the corner of im throwing away money and i had no idea. Well, walgreens has your back. Our expert pharmacists can help you find a plan that could save you more wi our free comparison report. So you can keep your money where it belongs. Check your plan at walgreens. And you could save up to 75 on prescription copays. At the corner of happy and healthy. With new quality ingredients. Like angus beef, hicry ham, and our new buttery seasoned crusts. Then. We add hot. Because hot makes everything better. [ female announcer ] better taste. Better quality. [ ding ] hot pockets [ man ] adventure, it means taking chances. It means trying something new. [ woman ] just, that uncertainty of whats to come. [ man ] just kidding. Can you please stop doing that . [ woman ] you walk outside in brooklyn, and its cement and broken glass. And this is just like. The opposite of that. The opposite of that. Mmm, mmm, mmm thanks for all the gelato, stefania. All the gelato you want you have a great life. Im glad you like. I like everything. [ door opens ] i fully intend to pay for this. Captioning made possible by talk productions closed captioned by captioneering your closed captioning resource for mcdonalds new jalapeno kicker sandwiches. Brace yourself with heat from layers of jalapeno crisps, jalapeno slices, pepper jack cheese. And a cool creamy sauce that kicks in right when you need it. Now through thursday, buy one jalapeno kicker quarter pounder or premium chicken sandwich, and get a free medium fries and soft drink. Theres something for everyone to love at mcdonalds. Ray are you out of your mind . You got amy on hold, you got stefania in italy, and now youre dating joanne again . No dating, okay . Just talking on the phone, you know . Like friends. Friends. The woman threw an ashtray at your head. Its called passion, raymond. But who knows . There might still be some sparks there. Then someone should throw a fire extinguisher at your head. Joanne has changed a lot, okay . Shes not like she used to be. Three women. I dont know what im going to do. Youre going to do a dance, you gigantic lucky bastard. I know, i know. I cant believe it. I never thought id have three women in my whole life. Hey, we all lost money on that bet. Step two, baconated cheese for awesome. Step three, get ready to wow. Step four. Mmmmm. [ male announcer ] pillsbury crescents. Make the holidays pop. He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me thats right. [ mom ] warm and flaky in 15, everyone loves pillsbury grands [ girl ] make dinr pop you know how ylook,n tell which onits all right oad . Everyone loves pillsbury grands shut up. Its simple. Which lady is going to take care of you, cook for you, let you have the good pillow . Dad, youre 100. Shouldnt you have more than one good pillow . Its the whole package. Which one is going to laugh at your jokes . Oh, they all do, except stefania doesnt speak english very well, so i have to do a lot of hand gestures, funny noises, you know . Which one doesnt freak out when they see this coming at them . Ha ha, raymond. Whos got hips wide enough to bear your enormous children . Well, that would be amy, but dont tell her. You know, with amy youre the only one shes ever had sex with, so, technically, you cant disappoint her. True. Add it up. Amy is your winner. Well, we did used to talk about having kids, and shes always stuck by me, and, well, we do make each other happy. Its as if were. Meant to be, isnt it . Yeah, maybe. What do i know . All right, amy. Thats it. Yes, its amy, and you know what . Were going to start fresh with a clean slate. Im going to tell her about joanne and stefania. What . i dont want to have any secrets. What are you, nuts . You never tell a woman anything. Even if they figure it out, you deny. But amy would want me to be honest. Yeah, thats how they get you. You think thats what they want, and then you cannot believe the yelling. Yeah, is that what you want 42 years of for gods sakes, close your robe . [ imitating robert ] hey. Thats what ill do. Ill ill tell my girlfriend about my other girlfriends. [ imitating robert ] hey, yeah, thats a good idea. Honesty is the best policy. Hey, hey, hey, look, look, look, you got three women after you, huh . Let me let me check over here. You got three women after you, huh, huh . Then who does . Oh, wait a minute. I believe thats me. Ill figure it out, gentlemen. And now. Adieu. The pizza was to your liking . Mmm. It was perfect. No, youre perfect. Ow oh, robert, are you all right . Here. Yeah, thanks, thanks. Im fine. Whos burning fur . Listen, amy, i think were good together. Dont you . Yes. I mean, we make a good couple, right . [ nervously ] yes. Thats why id like to talk to you about us being together. Im listening. I think that you and i are meant to be. And ths why its important for me to tell you about joanne. Joanne . Yeah, well, weve spoken, and i think she wants to get back together, and, honestly, for a while, i wasnt sure what i wanted, but ive decided that youre the one i want to be with. Youve been talking to joanne about getting back together . Well, you know, weve been talking, and and ive been thinking youve been talking to joanne about getting back together. For how long. Sweetie . I dont know. Before italy, but, see, thats why im telling you because i want to be totally honest because i feel that we are meant to be. Meant to be. Dont you . Let me see. Youve been talking with your exwife for over a month behind my back, and then well, yeah, but, see, yyoure not focusing on the positive part of the story. Oh, but i am, robert. Im happy. I mean, this is all such wonderful news. Youve been deceitful, and youre settling for me, but, hey, before i get really, really, really happy, is there anything else you want to share with me . No. Well, good, because i dont think i could get much happier. Well, but i just and thank you for another fabulous evening. Tonight, im taking the leftovers. Ill be in the office tomorrow if anybody wants to send me flowers. Perhaps we should. Cancel the spumoni. [ soft groan ] hows the meatloaf . Its good. Its very good. Your brotherinlaw your brother hes a child. Do men ever stop being stupid . No, they dont. And you might wa to hold on to your pizza. Oh, i dont care. Robert told you . You knew . He expects me to be grateful because he told me when he didnt have to. Hes acting like he has nothing to apologize for. I know, and just because he was on vacation, that is no excuse. Vacation . He took joanne on vacation . No, no, no, stefania. Who . Whwhat . Whos stefania . Wait, whos who . Wait, what name did you say . Oh, my gosh. Look at that. Your hair looks so good that way. So, there was just the two slices . Doesnt amys hair look good . I dont know. Oh, good, amy, youre here. Iim going to nd your office address. Who the hell is stefania . Uh, uh, uh
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