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Join today at kfr. Com. [price scanner beeping] thats 42. 80. Okay, there we go. And i have a coupon. I cant take this, it expired yesterday. Yesterday . Oh, shes right. Darn. Sometimes i wish i had a time machine. Wait, if you had a time machine, you would use it to go back to save 50 cents on lysol . Yes. Yes, i would. You wouldnt use it to save Abraham Lincoln . Fine, ill save lincoln. It never ends with you. Sir, do you have a different card . It says declined. Declined . Mr. Monk, do you have any money in the bank . No. That could be it. Okay. Um. Im sorry. Please hurry. All right, ive got. 34. Is that it . Yesterday was payday. Yes, it was. But i didnt get paid. You know, your paydays are becoming sort of. Theoretical. Come on, you need to put some stuff back. No, i cant. Look, i made a list. Everything here is on the list. I know, i know. Were gonna come back later and pick it up. Come on, people are waiting. Okay. Uh, this then. Oh wait, no. I need this. Oh, this. Gotta have this spray. All right, how about one of these . Yeah, this one. No um, no. Lets go with that one. Oh, wait a second. Its like sophies choice. Except its soup. Okay, were keeping the soup. Putting back this, this, this, and this. Mr. Monk, look at us. This is ridiculous. Were both broke. We havent had a new case in three weeks. What do you want me to do . You need to get a raise. You gotta talk to the captain. We cant go on like this. Im not good at this, asking for more money. Okay, then let me do the talking. Im not good at that either. Mr. Monk, you deserve a raise. Youve solved a lot of big cases for them singlehandedly. Maybe i helped a little. No, no, no, no. You cant think like that. You gotta brag about yourself. You gotta toot your own horn. Im not much of a tooter. natalie you better learn how to toot. Ous. Oh, hello. Gladys. Natalie teeger, this is gladys. Gladys is great. Ys has been cleaning up around here for years. I used to help her out in my spare time. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Remember . Yeah. Until i got that restraining order. Remember . Good times. Good times. You have to get underneath, right, gladys . Under . Why . Nobody ever looks there. But youll know its clean. Isnt that its own reward . Youll know. The captain says i dont have to talk to you. I know, i know. But under, okay . Under the table. I wanna help you guys, okay . I really do. They already questioned me four times. disher its not just you, mr. Landis. We talking to all the guards, the cleaning staff. Curators, anybody who was at the museum. Yeah, but i havent even been home yet. And i appreciate that. We just need your official statement, then youre free to go. So, for the record, where were you during the robbery . For the fifth time, okay, i was at my station on the main floor. I never left. I didnt even go to the bathroom. And you didnt hear anything unusual . No, sir. I was three floors away. Okay. Excuse me for a second. Can i get you something to drink . No. Monk, nat. Whats going on . Oh, you havent heard . Robbery at the macmillan museum. It was big big. The alexander diamond. Whoa. I know whoa. Robbery division asked us to help out, so were taking statements from everybody on site. So youre not arresting him about the drugs. Uh, no. What drugs . His fingertips are stained. Looks like red phosphorous. You get that from making crystal meth. Hes gotta have a lab somewhere. Okay, ill check it out. Excuse me, mr. Landis. Could you come here, please . If the captain needs me, ill be in Interrogation Room b. Uh, right this way. What . You know what. You just solved that case. For free. What was i supposed to do . Well, if youre selling ice cream, would you hand out free scoops . What was i supposed to say . Hey, lieutenant, theres a drug dealer somewhere in this room. Ill tell you who it is for 20. At least wed have 20. All right, theres the captain. Remember, you deserve a raise. You deserve it okay, when youre right, youre right. Okay, captain . Hey, monk. What are you doing here . Captain, i have to talk to you about something. Can it wait . Okay. Well, well come back. Were back. And. Natalie . Captain. If this is about money, forget about it. Were broke. The department is strapped. We just got another hiring freeze. Captain, we havent had a new case in three weeks. You know, youre right. There hasnt been a major homicide in a long time. But you gotta keep your hopes up. Stay optimistic. Okay, well, thank you very much. Okay, captain, come on, we cant just sit around waiting for the phone to ring. Its not fair to us. We have no security. What do you want me to do . We wanna be put on retainer. What . Yeah, retainer. Like a lawyer. We want a guaranteed income. Look, it doesnt have to be much. We just need a little security. Okay, ill see what i can do. But dont get your hopes up, okay . Anything else . Its about gladys. Have you been talking to gladys . Captain. I told you not to talk to gladys. Shes not cleaning under the tables again squish i think you should talk to her. I will. About her aim. Get him downstairs. You were right. I get this guy in the room, hes denying everything. Hes twitching, hes nervous. I threaten to get a search warrant and tear his house apart. I pick up the phone, i start to dial, he collapses. He gave it all up. Crystal meth lab in his basement. Narcotics is on their way over. I owe you one. Okay. What . You know what. Oh, the thing . About the ice cream and the free scoops . Thats right. Mr. Monk . Were rich. We hit the jackpot. Oh, good. Look, its about the alexander diamond. Lloyds of london is offering a 1 million reward to anybody that finds it. No questions asked. So . Mr. Monk, you can find that diamond. Aah, i dont think so. What . Youre a great detective. You solve crimes all the time without even trying. Its annoying how many crimes you solve. Come on lets go for it. Lets cash in natalie, i dont do what i do for money. Mr. Monk, its a Million Dollars. Youll never have to worry for the rest of your life. Well, of course, youll worry. But not about money. I dont know. Mr. Monk, you have to do this. I mean, i love this job, but i have to get paid. Justjust please. Just say yes. Say youll do it. Just say yes. Could you get off my counter . Okay, fine. Ill do it. A Million Dollars a Million Dollars congratulations. A pediatrician. Ands of a surgeon. These are pioneeri advances in heart surgery. And these are developing groundbreaking treatments for cancer. Theyre the hands of the nations top doctors. Kaiser permanente doctors. And though they are all different, they Work Together on a Single Mission saving lives. Discover how we are advancing medicine at kp. Org. Join us, and thrive. Excuse me. Any suspect yet . I wouldnt know, im just delivering flowers. No, youre not. Youre a private detective, just like me. Well, not quite like me. Me, a detective . Thats pretty funny, actually. I cant wait to tell the guysack at. Look, youre insulting me. That satellite dish on your roof. The number on the side, 555. Obviously a fake. Conclusion number one, youre after the alexander diamond. Conclusion number two. You havent got a prayer. Excuse me, thats a handicapped spot. Its okay, im psychotic. Is this where they stole the rock . You addressing me . Not anymore. You, poindexter. Is this the scene of the crime . Excuse me, boys, i got a Million Dollars waiting for me inside. [door opens] ah, apparently we think alike. Frightening thought for those of us who arent you. Uh, phillip wick. Access to all areas. Thisll do me. Hello again. What does this say . Curator sally kanter. Here, try this one, robert gant. Thats a boys name. Uh, look, chaps, since were all after the same thing, why dont we just pool our talents . What are you talking about . Well, Work Together and split the reward. Why dont we begin by introducing ourselves, all right . My names st. Clare. Retired Scotland Yard inspector. I moved to San Francisco im interrupting you. No frigging way. Im finding that rock myself. And im keeping all the money. Well, may the best man win. I intend to. He said man. This entire wing was locked. I mean, it was completely locked down. Somehow they opened that connecting door from the inside. We cant figure it out. What do you think . I dont know yet. Well, come on, focus. Concentrate. Do that thing you do. Ive never seen you like this. What, broke . Ah. Whatwhatwhatwhat . These scratches here and here. Looks like these tire irons werent heavy enough to do the job. Gentlemen, we have competition. That is adrian monk. Adrian monk . I thought he worked homicide. dirk what are you two afraid of . Somethings off here. What is it . Glass shards on the inside. When that case was shattered, this case was open. I think they took this weapon, used it, and put it back and relocked the case. What does that tell us . A lot. It means it was an inside job. And they didnt want us to know it was an inside job. Kaching. What does that mean . [over headphones] it means were gonna be rich. Kaching. This guys good. Whats he saying . Put that thing away. Excuse me, sir. Did anything unusual happen tuesday before the breakin . Anything at all out of the ordinary . No. Well, now that you mention it, tuesday afternoon i heard, or i thought i heard somebody whispering. Whispering. It wasnt in this room, it was down the hallway. It was about 2 30. I was standing about there. And i thought i heard someone saying, my womb. My room . My womb. It was a mans voice. And he was saying it over and over. My womb. I thought it was coming from that vent, but its impossible. [phone rings] i think im going senile. Im sorry, ive got to take this. Hello . My womb. My womb. My womb. It sounds like a mantra. Like, a meditation. My womb. Look at this. What . Its a footprint. Somebody was hiding in here. Wait, in there . Thats how they opened the connecting door. Lets grab the detectives, we need an evidence kit. Wait, not yet. What do you mean, not yet . Lets find the diamond, then well tell em how we did it. Natalie, this is not a game show. This is a felony investi its a broken necklace. Thats an unusual design. natalie oh, good, good, good. Well try to id it. Come on, lets go. Sorry. You okay . I dont know, somethings. Somethings wrong. I. [muttering] im not balanced. rufus um, excuse me. Yeah, um, im gonna be needing that back. Because i only have two of them and the other one doesnt work. Are you following us . What . Ah, mr. Monk. What an honor. My names st. Clare. Inspector st. Clare. Ive been following your cases assiduously from across the pond, you know. Shakespeare, nobody cares. Wait, i cant believe youre following us. Is that a lead . Maybe. Look, mr. St. Clare. Inspector. Im sure a gentleman like yourself can appreciate the fact that these two leads belong to us. Two leads . Well, yes, the necklace and the initials carved in the desk. Mr. Monk. Im sorry. Excuse me. My name is Jennie Mandeville. And i did something id like to confess. Whatd you do, jennie . I robbed a bank. It was about three weeks ago. The Community Savings trust in sausalito. Sausalito. I dont remember anything about that. Ill take it. Hi, im lieutenant disher. Uh, jennie. Miss mandeville. Just have a seat. Uh, is there a problem . Im claustrophobic. Is this the only room that you have . All the rooms are the same size, miss. Please, just have a seat. This is lieutenant disher. Im in Interrogation Room a with Jennie Mandeville. So, you say you robbed a bank. Thats right. I went inside and. I saw one of those pens. You know, chained to the desk . And i really needed a pen. So, i snapped it off and i put it in my purse. You stole a pen . One pen . Oh, god. Do you think god will forgive me . I dont know, maam. But we do. Youre free to go. What is up with those three detectives . Do you think we lost them . Oh, natalie, they are not detectives. Theyre rentacops. Theyre hired guns. They are mercenaries. In other words, theyre us. This whole thing is about greed. You know how you always say youll thank me later . Youll thank me later. Oh, thats gotta be him. Hello, are you mr. Kwan . I think he nodded. That. Was that a nod . Sir . Sir. If that was a nod, nod. Sir, we found this at the scene of a crime. A robbery. Weve been doing some research. This is your design, isnt it . You give these to your students . Natalie, please. Sir, you. You have a thread. Hanging right in the middle there. Justill get it. Just one little. Uh. Okay, mr. Kwan, you look like a very busy man, so im just gonna get right to the point. Do you have a student that could fit inside of a rolltop desk . He cant be more than five feet tall. Does that ring a bell . Or a gong . Mr. Monk, youre distracting him no, hes distracting me. Is there anyone here whos that small and limber . Who could scrunch up inside of a desk . A scruncher . A little scruncher . Mr. Kwan, theres a lot of money at stake here. I got it. I got it. st. Clare well, well, well, mr. Monk. We meet again. Surprised . Why dont you get your own clues . Well, normally i do. But you two are so easy to follow. Especially when youre kind enough to keep your emergency blinker on all day long. I told you. Its the safest way to drive. Wait, dont question anybody yet. I have a voice stress analyzer. Ill be able to tell if hes lying or not. He hasnt said anything. You are a pathetic little frog, arent you . You thought you could lose me, huh . Well, you can all just relax. Dirkll take it from here. Hey, hippie. You in charge . My name is dirk. Im a professional bounty hunter. I was wondering if i could have a word with you. Maybe thisll change your mind. I got 200 here. 200 . They do use money on your planet . [all talking at once] cabin 14. It doesnt say that. Youre good. 225. His name is chasen. Hes over at cabin 14. Mr. Monk, what are you doing . Excuse me. Hello, mr. Chasen is this your necklace . We found it in a museum. Okay, wheres the diamond . Hey hey, im talking to you. Wow, thats a really deep trance. Couldnt be deeper. This man is dead. And its not exactly therwhat you might think. Town dannon oikos greek nonfat yogurt is packed with 12 grams of protein in every 5. 3 oz cup. Sink your teeth into that. Dannon oikos. The new protein. Dannon boredgive it a color boost with loreal healthy look creme gloss haircolor. Go from mousy to glossy loreal healthy look haircolor lasts through 28 shampoos. So boost the color youve got a little or a lot. Go from mousy to glossy with loreal healthy look. I want you to be kind. Stuff i dont. I want you to be smart. Super smart. I want one thing in a doctor. To speak my language. I dont want you to look at the chart before you say hi david. Quiero que me hagas sentir segura. I want you to be awesome. Thats the doctor i want. At kaiser permanente, we want you to choose the doctor thats right for you. Find your Perfect Match at kp. Org and thrive. Welcome back, miss mandeville. Have a seat. You know the drill. I dont like this room. Please, miss mandeville, you said you had something important to tell me. Something about a dead body. And you said you didnt wanna talk in my office. I told you, im claustrophobic. What about another room . All of our Interrogation Rooms are the same size, unfortunately. No wet bars, no jacuzzis. Please just have a seat. Now, you said you found a body. Your roommates body. This. This is a real thing, right . Not like, uh, stealing the pen from the bank . Okay, good. Tell me about it. This is lieutenant disher. Im in Interrogation Room d talking with Jennie Mandeville. Again. So, lets start from the beginning. What was your roommates name . Toni. Toni . Toni what . I dont know. You dont know. Male or female . I think male. Youre not sure . To tell you the truth. I just brought him home the day before. Okay. Um. Lets move on. So you came home, you found toni. And you, what, disposed of the body yourself . You realize thats a federal offense. I couldnt take it, okay . I couldnt just stand there looking at it. Jennie, what did you do with the body . I flushed it down the toilet. Was toni a goldfish . A hamster. A hamster. Okay. Heres the coroners report. Victims name danny chasen. Its probably an alias. Victim was poisoned. Somebody spiked his all natural barley tea with ammonia. Was he part of the heist . Looks like it. They found some hair samples in that rolltop desk at the museum. They match the body. What about the diamond . Still missing in action. Wasnt on him or in the cabin. We know he had a partner. Somebody who works at the museum. Its probably still with them. Wait, wait, wait. So the reward is still good, right . I mean, no ones claimed it. Yes, as far as i know, the offer is still good. Kaching. Uh, can you make her stop saying that . This is no longer a parlor game. A man is dead, this is a Homicide Investigation now. Which means nobody is to withhold any information from anybody. What, youre looking at me . Yes, i am, ms. Teeger. gladys did you write these . dont deny it, i know it was you how are things down under . Hint, hint. Monk was right, you should clean under the table. You dont fool me for a second. It goes without saying, dont forget to throw away these little postits too. Captain, she never cleans under the tables. You are not the boss of me well, i think i am the boss of you. What makes you think youre the boss of me . If i was the boss of you, youd be fired whoa whoa whoa whoa hey, separate. Both of you. Monk, over there. Gladys, can i have a word with you, please . Look, gladys, hes monk. Try to ignore him. Can you ignore him . No, i cant. Just do the best you can. So youre not gonna arrest me . No, not this time, miss. But listen, the next time you feel like confessing something, you might wanna call a priest. Will you escort miss mandevi