Party for Vice President was geraldine ferraro, 1984, the Democratic Party. If youre noticing a trend here, youre right. Because it was also Democratic Party in 1928 that made the first nomination of a catholic for president in this country. And that was new york governor al smith. Among the many Glass Ceilings that the Democratic Party has broken in president ial and Vice President ial politics, he was the first major catholic to be a major president ial nominee. And he got shellacked. Hubert hoover beat him in 40 states. That was at a time when we only had 48 states. Poor al smith. But he is still remembered and honored among new york catholics, most notably with this dinner they hold every year which is an Election Year turns out to always be lousy with politicians. This is al smiths greatgrandson introducing one of the candidates. Lets go to it. I was thinking about the republican nominee, donald j. Tru trump. There are actually some rumors going around that he wasnt going to show up tonight. He could say he wanted to keep us in suspense. We considered having a donald trump cutout on the dais, but if we wanted someone still lifeless, we could ask charlie rose to speak again. It is stark that donald is here tonight. Thats right, for the first time, a Catholic Church is not the largest tax exempt land owner here tonight. We are honored to have donald and melania here tonight. The Al Smith Dinner is a new york institution. Donald, the kid from queens, with a big heart and a big mouth is without question a new york institution. Donald, the microphone is yours, and its working. Thank you, al, wow, that was good. This is a hell of a dipper. Dinner. I want to thank your eminence. This is really great to be with you again. We love it. Governor cuomo. Great senators. Hi, chuck. He used to love me when i was a democrat, you know. Hello, mayor. See, in the old days i would have known her very well, but i havent been doing very much with the real estate. And i want to thank al and ann smith, just a fantastic job you do with the dinner. And congratulations. A record over 6 million is their record. And a special hello to all of you in this room who have known and loved me for many, many years. Its true. Politicians. Theyve had me to their homes. Theyve introduced me to their children. Ive become their best friends in many instances. Theyve asked for my endorsement, and they always wanted my money. And even called me really a dear, dear friend, but then suddenly decided when i ran for president as a republican that ive always been a no good, rotten, disgusting scoundrel. And they totally forgot about me. But thats okay. You know, they say when you do this kind of an event, you always start out with a selfdeprecating joke. Some people think this would be tough for me, but the truth is true. The truth is im actually a modest person, very modest. Its true. In fact, many people tell me that modesty is perhaps my best quality. Even better than my temperament. You know, Cardinal Dolan and i have some things in common. For instance, we both run Impressive Properties on fifth avenue. Of course, his is much more impressive than mine. Thats because i built mine with my own beautifully formed hands. While his was built with the hands of god, and nobody can compete with god. Is that correct . Nobody. Right . Thats right. No contest. Its great to be here with a thousand wonderful people or, as i call it, a small, intimate dinner with some friends or as hillary calls it, her largest crowd of the season. This is corny stuff. I do recognize that i come into this event with a little bit of an advantage. I know that so many of you in the archdiocese already have a place in your heart for a guy who started out as a carpenter working for his father. I was a carpenter working for my father. True. Not for a long period of time. About three weeks. Whats great about the Al Smith Dinner is that even in the rough and tumble world of really, really hardfought campaign, in fact, i dont know if you know, hillary, but last night they said that was the most vicious debate in the history of politics, president ial debate. The most vicious. And i dont know. Are we supposed to be proud of that . Or are we supposed to be unhappy . They did say that. Im trying to think back to lincoln. I dont think they can really compete with that. But the candidates have some life hearted moments together, which is true. I have no doubt that hillary is going to laugh quite a bit tonight. Sometimes even at an appropriate mome moment. And even tonight, with all of the heated back and forth between my opponent and me at the debate last night, we have proven that we can actually be civil to each other. In fact, just before taking the dais, hillary accidentally bumped into me and she very civilly said, pardon me. And i very politely replied, let me talk to you about that after i get into office. Just kidding. Just kidding. And hillary was very gracious. She said if somehow she gets elected, she wants me to be, without question, either her ambassador to iraq or to afghanistan. Its my choice. But one of the things i noticed tonight, and ive known hillary for a long time, is this is the first time ever, ever at hillary is sitting down and speaking to Major Corporate leaders and not getting paid for it. Its true. You know, last night i called hillary a nasty woman, but this stuff is all relative. After listening to hillary rattle on and on and on, i dont think so badly of Rosie Odonnell anymore. In fact, im actually starting to like rosie a lot. These events give not only the candidates a chance to be with each other in a very social setting, it also allows the candidates the opportunity to meet the other candidates team. Good team. I know hillary met my campaign manager, and i got the chance to meet the people who are working so hard to get her elected. There they are, the heads of nbc, cnn, cbs, abc, theres the New York Times right over there and the washington post. Theyre working overtime. True. True. Well, this ones going to get me in trouble. Not with hillary. You know, the president told me to stop whining, but i really have to say the media is even more biased this year than ever before, ever. You want the proof, Michelle Obama gives a speech and everyone loves it. Its fantastic. They think shes absolutely great. My wife melania gives the exact same speech and people get on her case. And i dont get it. I dont know why. And it wasnt her fault. Stand up, melania. Come on. She took a lot of abuse. Oh, im in trouble when i go home tonight. She didnt know about that one. Am i okay . Is it okay . Cardinal, please speak to her. Id like to address an important religious matter. The issue of going to confession or, as hillary calls it, the fourth of july weekend with fbi director comey. Now, im told hillary went to confession before tonights event, but the priest was having a hard time when he asked her about her sins and she said she couldnt remember 39 times. Hillary is so corrupt, she got kicked off the Watergate Commission. How corrupt do you have to be to get kicked off the Watergate Commission . Pretty corrupt. Hillary is and has been in politics since the 70s. Whats her pitch . The economy is busted. The governments corrupt. Washington is failing. Vote for me. Ive been working on these problems for 30 years. I can fix it, she says. I wasnt really sure if hillary was going to be here tonight because i guess you didnt send her invitation by email or maybe you did and she just found out about it through the wonder of wikileaks. Weve learned so much from wikileaks. For example, hillary believes that its vital to deceive the people by having one Public Policy and a totally different policy in private. Thats okay. I dont know who theyre angry at, hillary, you or i. For example, here she is tonight in public pretending not to hate catholic catholics. Now, if some of you havent noticed, hillary isnt laughing as much as the rest of us. Thats because she knows the jokes. And all of the jokes were given to her in advance of the dinner by donna brazile, which is everyone knows, of course, hillarys belief that it takes a village, which only makes sense, after all, in places like haiti where shes taken a number of th them. Thank you. I dont know and i dont want this evening without saying something nice about i had opponent. Hillarys been in washington a long time. She knows a lot about how government works. And according to her sworn testimony, hillary has forgotten more things than most of us will ever, ever know. That i can tell you. Were having some fun here tonight. And thats good. On a personal note, what an amazing honor it is to be with all of you. And i want to congratulate hillary on getting the nomination and were in there fighting and over the next 19 days, somebodys going to be chosen. Well see what happens. But i have great memories of coming to this dinner with my father over the years when i was a young man. Great experience for me. This was always a special experience for him and me to be together. One thing we can all agree on is the need to support the great work that comes out of the dinner. Millions of dollars have been raised to support disadvantaged children, and i applaud the many people who have worked to make this wonderful event a critical lifeline for children in need. And that we together broke the alltime record tonight is really something special. More than 6 million net net net. The cardinal told me thats net net, donald, remember. We can also agree on the need to stand up to anticatholic bias, to defend religious liberty, and to create a culture that celebrates life. America is in many ways divide ed. Thank you. America is in many ways divided like its never been before, and the great religious leaders here tonight give us all an example that we can follow. Were living in a time, an age that we never thought possible before. The vicious barbarism we read about in history books but never thought wed see it in our socalled modernday world. Who would have thought we would be witnessing what were witnessing today . Weve got to be very strong, very, very smart and weve got to come together not only as a nation but as a world community. Thank you very much, god bless you. And god bless america. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. Donald trump wrapping up his remarks at the Al Smith Dinner. We expect that it will just be a couple minutes, but then Hillary Clinton will give her remarks. Joining me here in studio is minnesota senator al franken. Youre a good person to watch this with, senator. Kind of fun to watch. There were some good jokes there and there were some hits at her that have no joke work whatsoever. So its interesting because the best joke i thought was about how the press praised Michelle Obama for her speech and then melania gives exactly the same speech. That is a really good joke. But its like a joke. And then some that were just hits on her that had nothing like theres something called joke work. I think freud talked about joke work and comedy writers try to find its a skill to write a joke. And there were somewhere he just attacked her and didnt the people in the room were screaming at him. Yeah. And really you know, of course, you know, this is a really important dinner because the American People want their president to be the funniest person in the country. So this is why this is so important tonight. But you know, whats interesting is she laughs, and i thought actually a joke that was good that hillary knows youre supposed to laugh and will laugh even at inappropriate moment. See, thats a joke and thats hitting her. She laughed really hard when he did that pardon me joke. He said she bumped into me and said pardon me. Thats a pun. But less joke work there, i get it. No, no. It was okay. And i think thats why when he said shell even laugh at appropriate moments is she obviously knows youre supposed to laugh. Whats really interesting is watching him and see if he can laugh. Ive never seen him laugh. Chuck todd made this observation on his show, which is it looks like shes ready to go up. Lets go. Youre the host. No, youre pretty good at this. You know how to do this. Hillary clinton taking the stage, as al franken says, watch to see if donald trump laughs. Here we go. Thank you. Your eminence, your excellencies, members of the clergy, al and ann smith, donald and melania, and all the distinguished guests. You know, earlier tonight al reminded me that when the first al smith ran for president , he chose as his running mate the progressive senator from arkansas, joseph t. Robinson, who was one of my husbands political heroes. This work that you do through the dinner, al, youve done it now for 30, 30 years, is such a labor of love. Youve been a hero for both the children of the archdiocese and for the city of new york. And i think we all owe al smith a great, great round of amauz. Applause. This is such a special event that i took a break from my rigorous nap schedule to be here, and as youve already heard, its a treat for all of you, too, because usually i charge a lot for speeches like this. But for me, it was kind of ironic thinking about a fiery populist, al smith, if he were here today and saw how much money weve raised for needy children, hed be very proud. And if he saw this magnificent room full of plutocrats celebrating his legacy, hed be very confused. Its a special honor to be here with your eminence. I know, your eminence, you were criticized for inviting both donald and me here tonight. And you responded by saying, if i only sat down with those who were saints, id be taking all my meals alone. Now, just to be clear, i think the cardinal is saying im not eligible for sainthood. But getting through these three debates with donald has to count as a miracle. So i guess im up against the highest, hardest stained Glass Ceiling. But your eminence, you do deserve great credit for bringing together two people who have been at each others throats, mortal enemies, bitter foes. Ive got to ask, how did you get the governor and mayor here together . Now, ive got to say there are a lot of Friendly Faces here in this room, people ive been privileged to know and to work with. I just want to put you all in a basket of adorables. And youd look so good in your tuxes or as i refer to them, formal pantsuits. And you know, because this is a friendly dinner for such a great cause, donald, if at any time you dont like what im saying, feel free to stand up and shout wrong while im talking. You know, come to think of it, its amazing im up here after donald. I didnt think hed be okay with a peaceful transition of power. And donald, after listening to your speech, i will also enjoy listening to mike pence deny that you ever gave it. You know, ive had the privilege of being at the Al Smith Dinners in years past. And i always enjoy it. But remember, if youre not happy with the way it comes out, it must be rigged. And its always a special treat for me to be back in new york, a city that i love and which i think truly embodies the best of america. You know, dont you think . People look at the statue of liberty, and they see a proud symbol of our history as a nation of immigrants, a beacon of hope for people around the world. Donald looks at the statue of liberty and sees a four. Maybe a five if she loses the torch and tablet and changes her ha hair. You know, come to think of it, you know what would be a good number for a woman . 45. But i digress. Now, im going to try my best tonight, but i understand i am not known for my sense of humor. Thats why it did take a village to write these jokes. People say and i hear them. I know. They say im boring compared to donald. But im not boring at all. In fact, im the life of every party i attend. And ive been to three. And when the parties get out of hand, as occasionally, they do, its important to have a responsible chaperone who can get everyone home safely, and that is why i picked tim kaine to be my Vice President. Now, you notice there is no teleprompter here tonight, which is probably smart because maybe you saw donald dismantle his prompter the other day. And i get that. Theyre hard to keep up with. And im sure its even harder when youre translating from the original russian. But every year this dinner brings together a collection of sensible, committed mainstream republicans or, as we now like to call them, hillary supporters. Now,critics, and i hear that, too. Yeah. Yeah. They think i only say what people want to hear. Well, tonight that is true. And here exactly what you want to hear. This election will be over very, very soon. And look at this dais. We have charlie rose and Maria Bartiromo and Chris Matthews and gayle king and knorr ranorah o and katie couric. This counts as a press conference, right . It is great to see mayor bloomberg here. Its a shame hes not speaking tonight. Im curious to hear what a billionaire has to say. And look at the dais, weve got the honorable chuck schumer, the honorable michael cuomo, bill de blasio, David Dinkins and so many other wonderful elected officials. And we have rudy giuliani. Now, many dont know this, but ru rudy actually got his start as a prosecutor going after wealthy new yorkers who avoided paying taxes, but as the saying goes, you cant beat them, go on fox news and call them a genius. So as i said, weve now had our third and, thankfully, final debate. Sharing a stage with donald trump is like, well, nothing really comes to mind. There is nothing like sharing a stage with donald trump. Donald wanted me drug tested before last nights debate. And i got to tell you, im so flattered that donald thought i used some sort of performance enhancer. Now, actually i did. Its called preparation. And looking back, ive had to listen to donald for three full debates, and he says i dont have any stamina. That is 4 1 2 hours. I have now stood next to donald trump longer than any of his campaign managers. Now, look, i have deep respect for people like kellyanne conway. Shes working day and night for donald and because shes a contractor, hes probab