Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, stephen welcomes paul bettany, Laura Benanti and musical guest tyler the creator, featuring jon batiste and stay human. Now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause band playing stephen nice. Thats nice. Nice. cheers and applause hey, everybody welcome. Welcome to the late show. Imyouim im your host, Stephen Colbert. cheers and applause who watched the shark thing . I did. Any of you guys watch it over there . Jon i didnt see it. Stephen it was amazing. And it wasnt real. But it was amazing. But i like a little break from reality right about now. cause have you seen reality . Its scary. Theres blood in the water, and there are a lot of sharks circling the white house. Anyway, they lied to us. Jon oh, oh. Stephen speaking of lying, sean spicer. cheers and applause look how much they miss you, sean. On friday, spicer resigned as White House Press secretary. cheers and applause he wanted to spend more time not answering his familys questions. laughter and like you people out there i am going to miss him. Even from his Humble Beginnings as the easter bunny, we knew how special sean was going to be. Spicer quit on friday because trump appointed a new communications director, former Hedge Fund Manager and lawyer whose ad is above the urinal, Anthony Scaramucci. laughter piano riff of course, when it comes to scaramucci, theres only one question everybodys asking scaramouche scaramouche will you do the fandango stephen yes. That. By which we mean, whats it like working in the White House Communications office . Thunderbolts and lightning very, very frightening stephen sounds about right. Now, i think this is not a good sign for the Trump Administration. Six months in, youre already adding a new crazy character. Scaramuccis like adding scrappy doo or chachi. To happy days. laughter hes even got an adorable nickname. The mooch. The mooch. The mooch. The mooch. Mooch. The mooch. Stephen ay, its the mooch laughter hey baby, can we get another round for the mooch, please . laughter so how did the rest of the staff feel about the addition of the mooch . One white house official said we are all super happy, well most of us are. laughter ouch. Thats like getting this card happy birthday from mom and dad. Well, mom. laughter jon whoa stephen based on a true story. piano riff not only did sean spicer resign over the moochs hiring, but a white house insider says, this was a murdering of reince and bannon. They said anthony would get this job over their dead bodies. Thats terrible. Before this, those guys were only dead on the inside. laughter other white house staffers refer to scaramucci as a joke and as a trumpworld hangeron who isnt qualified for the job. Wait. Have you seen the Trump Administration . laughter those are the qualifications for a job. I got his resume right here Anthony Scaramucci special skills being a joke, trump hangingon, and whacking stoolies. laughter cheers and applause stephen oh hey jon hey, hey, hey. Stephen now, however spicer feels about him, scaramucci handled the transition with class, stating i want to thank personally sean spicer, not only on behalf of myself, the president , the administration, but sean is a true american patriot. He is a military serviceman. Hes got a great family, and hes done an amazing job. This is obviously a difficult situation to be in, and i applaud his efforts here and i love the guy and i wish him well. And i hope he goes on to make a tremendous amount of money. Stephen yeah, love ya spicey. Amazing job. Youre going to make a tremendous amount of money while i take your paycheck. Now take your shinebox and get out of here cheers and applause go on jon i dont shine shoes anymore stephen hey this sunday, the mooch hit the ground running with some great ideas for press secretary and Sorority Girl at rave party whos ecstasy just kicked in, cheers and applause laughter Sarah Huckabee sanders. I want to do everything i can to make her better at that podium, i think shes phenomenal there now, but like every athlete training for the olympics every day we got to make ourselves incrementally better. The only thing id ask sarah, sarah, if youre watching, i love the hair and makeup person that we had on friday, i would love to continue to use the hair and makeup person. audience reacts stephen oh, hes going to fit in with the Trump Administration just fine applause hey and you could smile more. Would that hurt so much . Youre so pretty when you smile. laughter scaramucci tried to explain his comment later, saying, for the record, i was referring to my hair and make up and the fact that i like the make up artist. I need all the help i can get humor. laughter all right, take a joke, ladies. The mooch is clearly qualified for this job and im sure hell do great things. Sarcasm. laughter cheers and applause piano riff cause the mooch is already batting down these ridiculous russia investigations you know, somebody said to me yesterday, i wont tell you who, that if the russians actually hacked this situation and spilled out those emails, you would have never seen it. You would have never had any evidence of them. Youre making a lot of assertions here. I dont know who this anonymous person is that said, if the russians had actually done it, we wouldnt have been able to detect it, but it is the unanimous. How about it was how about it was the president , jake . Okay laughter stephen so the president is the one who told you the president s not in trouble . laughter and youre not going to tell us because its anonymous source but we ask and you tell us anyway . Why are we wasting that guy on communications he should be head of national security. Ill never tell you our launch codes. How about three, seven, nine, six, two . Okay . Thats from the mooch. cheers and applause baby, can we get another round, please . I have been waiting. Whats it take . Can we get some Bottle Service to this table or what . laughter its a surprising that trump would hire the mooch because look what he said about trump during the primaries youre calling donald trump a hack politician . Hes a hack politician. I dont like the way he talks about women. I dont like the way he talks about our friend, megyn kelly. And, you know what . The politicians dont want to go after trump because hes got a big mouth, and theyre afraid hes gonna light em up on fox news and all the other places. But im not a politician. Bring it. Youre an inherited money dude from queens county. Bring it, donald. Stephen yeah, bring it, donald, specifically those sweet butt cheeks because the mooch is ready to smooch cheers and applause okay . And in 2016, scaramucci also wrote a scathing oped for fox business. And although he never mentions trump by name, he says, we are in the midst of an ideological civil war, one pitting American Values of hope, empowerment and selfreliance against defeatist attitudes of fear, entitlement and victimization. And, now, he gets to work right down the hall from fear, entitlement, and victimization. laughter cheers and applause stephen yeah, yeah. Jon hey, hey, hey personified personified personified applause stephen scaramucci also spent the weekend deleting embarrassing, antitrump tweets, but he has a lot of interesting old tweets left, like this one that reads, dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like youve never been hurt and live like its heaven on earth. Mark twain. laughter im not sure if i need to point out, thats not a mark twain quote. laughter although it does remind me of that other famous mark twain quote, hey, now youre an allstar, get your game on, go play. cheers and applause so inspiring. So, so thats from huckelberry smash mouth, i think. laughter but according to the mooch the president can do just about anything. Ive seen this guy throw a dead spiral through a tire. Ive seen him at Madison Square garden with a topcoat on, hes standing in the key and hes hitting foul shots and swishing them. He sinks threefoot putts. Stephen yeah, i saw him win a game of connect four with just three pieces. laughter okay . Jon i seen him do all kind of stuff. Stephen i once saw this guy, hes on the green, observe, pebble beach, i saw him hit a hole in none. laughter i once saw him eat a full taco bowl and then jump straight into the pool no cramps laughter i mean, this man is a primo athlete, i mean, just look at him look at that guy oh the mooch likes what he sees. Its smooching time laughter weve got a great show for you tonight. Paul bettany is here. But when we return, can jared can donald trump pardon himself . Inquiring committees want to know. Stick around cheers and applause band playing Nosy Neighbor with a keen sense of smell. Glad bag, full of trash. What happens next . Nothing. Only glad has febreze to neutralize odors for 5 days. Guaranteed. Even the most perceptive noses wont notice the trash. Be happy. Its glad. How was your vacation . Hey, guys, whats this tomato doing at randys desk . 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Russia continues to be a hot topic around the white house, and trump soninlaw and guy getting a kick out of watching his neighbors house burn down, Jared Kushner or the kutch jon hey, hey. Stephen thats what they call him. From now on, the mooch and the kutch he spoke to the Senate Intelligence committee in a closeddoor lightson session. They wanted to know about that meeting with russians last year. And i realize that doesnt narrow things down, specifically the june 9 meeting with donald trump, jr. , paul manafort, and what turned out to be all of the brothers karamozov. We dont know what was said, cause its none of our business. But kushner prereleased an 11page prebuttal. In it, he listed all of his responsibilities during the campaign, including scheduling, communications, speechwriting, polling, data and digital teams, as well as becoming a point of contact for Foreign Government officials. He was also in charge of buying copy paper, refilling the snack drawer, reminding donald trump what his wifes name is, and taking eric to the vet when he started to molt. laughter cheers and applause and kushner was so busy, he didnt know the meeting was about russians having dirt on hillary because, when don, jr. Invited him, that email was on top of a long back and forth that i did not read at the time. So he didnt know it was a confidential meeting about russia helping against clinton. What was the subject line again . Russia clinton, private confidential. Ooh, an email. Skip the subject line, skip the contents. And. Im in. So, is there a reason for them to be worried . Who knows . Who knows if the Trump Administration should be worried. Donald trump does because, on thursday, trump and his legal team have discussed his power to pardon those close to him including himself. audience reacts oh, yes, yes. Mr. President , you should know, selfpardoning is a sin. Okay . How do you think justice went blind . Jon oh, yeah stephen then, on saturday, trump tweeted, while all agree the u. S. President has the complete power to pardon, why think of that when the only crime so far is leaks against us. Fake news. laughter jon oh stephen what do you mean, why think of that . youre the one tweeting about it its like someone going, we all agree i have the power to take herpes medication. But why think of that . laughter would you like to come upstairs . laughter also, jimmy, could you go back . The only crime so far . laughter applause hes hedging a little bit. Youre honor, i plead not guilty. So far. laughter also in that tweet, trump called the russia story fake news and floated pardoning himself for it reminds me of the new testament when the Apostle Judas said, surely, i will not betray you, my lord, but, if i did, youd have to forgive me, right . Thats like your whole deal. Also, are you a cop . 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Dont touch container tip to your eye or any surface. Remove contacts before using xiidra and wait at least 15 minutes before reinserting. Chat with your eye doctor about xiidra. Stephen hey, everybody, welcome back to the late show i like that song. Thats good. You write that . Jon yeah cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody, folks. Please welcome paul bettany thanks for being here thanks for being here nice to see you again. I like this. I like the linen suit with the vest and tie. Its salush. Stephen thats a fancier word than i could use. It means drunk englishman. Stephen are we honored to have a drunk englishman tonight . Not yet. laughter stephen keep drinking your water. You just said youre an englishman, but after trumps inaugural, a lot of americans, i think misguidedly, wanted to leave america, thought about leaving the country. You had a different reaction. What was your reaction when you saw that . Yeah, i decided to become a citizen. Stephen oh, really . cheers and applause i thought, after 15 years stephen yes. I married an american by mistake. Stephen yeah. Ruined my life. Who was to see this coming . So i thought, you know, this country has been really good to me, and its just, like, the republic thats at stake. I thought i should be able to vote. But ive got to move to florida to really make a dent. Stephen or ohio. Yeah. Stephen or russia. laughter are you taking classes . Because you have to pass a test, right . Yeah, you have to do the whole biometrics thing, and they ask you things like what are the branches of government and all that. Stephen do you know anything about Abraham Lincoln . Yeah. Stephen what state is he from . From the one where he cut wood. laughter ill get there stephen yeah, the one state that had wood. laughter i always love to talk to actors who have successful careers now but started off a little rough and tumble. I understand you actually did one of the lowest forms of entertainment in the world. You were a busker on the streets of london. What is that. Begging but like with a guitar. Its when you put your guitar case out and you play songs and hope for the best. Stephen you were going to be a musician originally . I wanted to be a guitar player but i wasnt good enough. Stephen who were your idols . I was really into people like johnny marr and thesmiths at the time. Stephen okay. So you were depressed. laughter no, hes very funny stephen hes very funny in private . laughter because ive interviewed him. Well, thats a different matter. Stephen i busked. What did you play . Stephen its so embarrassing to say. I did mime. No, you didnt cheers and applause stephen i said it was embarrassing. Can you dim the lights . Stephen it was me and two other friends who actually studied under a various mime teacher and we ran into each other after traveling in europe. We had no money and we said why dont we busk . We made 21pound a day because, you know, we werent good. But isnt it a magical sound when that pound coin, that kind of thick pound coin hit the pavement . That was a beautiful sound. Or you, when it hit you. Stephen yeah, sure. laughter on discovery, theres a new series youre in called manhunt unabomber where you play ted kaczynski. Yeah. Stephen youre a very hand someted kaczynski. Did you get to spend any time with him . laughter no, i didnt. Stephen you didnt do a ride along, a crazyalong or anything like that. laughter you know, youre an actor, actors do this kind of stuff. Its a little moot. I think the clearance to get to super max, they dont let just any engli