Welcome. Welcome, everybody. Welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. cheers and applause ladies and gentlemen, before we get started, i just want to take a moment to talk about the attack today in alexandria. Once again, were all shocked in mind and soul by a mass shooting, this time targeting, apparently, republican congressmen. And i pray to god that everyone pulls through. Violence of any kind is never justified and is the last refuge of the incompetent. Thankfully, none of the members or their staff or police were killed today. And i will say this even in the horror of this day, there was reason to take heart in bipartisan responses like this we will use this occasion as one that brings us together, and not separates us further. We are united in our shock. We are united in our anguish. And an attack on one of us is an attack on all of us. Stephen so i just want to say thank you to the congressional leadership and to the president for responding to this act of terror in a way that gives us hope that whatever our differences, we will always be the United States of america. Thank you for that. cheers and applause now, lets try some comedy. Whats going on today . Oh, its Donald Trumps birthday. 71 candles on that cake. Although, trump later said it it was over a million candles. Most candles ever. And 200 democrats got together to give the president something he might like. But instead, theyre suing trump over foreign payments to his businesses. cheers and applause at least at least it is his birthday. It is his birthday. At least they got together to give thim this card congratulations, birthday boy youve been served. Its nice. Its sweet. If youre going to do it, its a nice way to do it. Also, 24 hours later, were all still digesting the Senate Intelligence committees allyoustonewall buffet featuring attorney general and doll carved from an apple, Jeff Sessions. laughter applause sessions they sneak up on you sometimes. Sessions had a lot to answer for, from his role in the comey firing to his undisclosed meetings with the russian ambassador. And republicans did not hesitate to hold his little curly shoes to the fire. Attorney general its good to see you here. Its good to see mary. I know there are probably other places youd both rather be today. And its good to see you here together and know that your family continues to be proud and supportive of what you do. Thank you. Ive been blessed, indeed. I agree with that. I agree with that. Stephen mr. Sessions, my question is as follows are you now, or have you ever been the worlds greatest grandpa . laughter do you recognize this mug, sir . At long last, do you not recognize this mug . Thank you. That shelf is getting very crowded over there. Jon it is. You have to dust it. Stephen but there were a few tougher questions for sessions to answer; namely, about conversations he had with the president , but sessions was perfectly willing to not answer them. Im not able to discuss with you or confirm or deny the nature of our private conversations that i may have had with the president. It would be inappropriate for me to answer and reveal private conversations with the president. Im not able to share with this committee private communication. Im not able to comment on conversations with high officials within the white house. Stephen wow, hes really good at providing absolutely no information. I think we found the replacement for sean spicer. cheers and applause congratulations, sir. So why isnt sessions answering . Well, the only possible reaso would be that the president had invoked something called executive privilege, which usually prevents his aides from sharing details of their conversations with the president. But trump hasnt claimed executive privilege here and sessions cant claim executive privilege. So, whats happening . You said you dont have the power to assert the power of executive privilege. So what is the legal basis for your refusal to answer these questions . I am protecting the right of the president to exert it uh assert it if he chooses. Stephen thats not a thing laughter you cant just refuse to answer a question in case the president later decides he didnt want you to answer it. You cant just thats like saying, i invoke my constitutional right to the 28th amendment, which, of course, is not written yet, but it might be written one day. And it might say that i dont have to answer your question. So i can go outside and play in the sprinklers. Wee cheers and applause weee applause even though no one has ever heard of this nonprivilege privilege before, sessions claims its a department of justice policy. So i can understand, is the basis of that unwillingness to answer based on executive privilege or its longstanding policy of the department of justice not to comment on conversations that the attorney general has had with the president of the United States. Can you share those policies with us . Are they written down at the department of justice . I believe they are. Stephen yes, i believe theyre absolutely written down on paper. Totally unrelated question can i borrow a pen and some paper . laughter just for a minute. Could i clear the room, please . Weee applause funny thing, though, those answers didnt satisfy california senator and mom from a cereal ad, Kamala Harris. Senator harris wanted to know the concrete details of sessions secret policy about secrets, and that did not sit well with other members of the committee. Is you referred to a long standing d. O. J. Policy. Can you tell us what policy it is youre talking about . The policy is based on the principle that the president sir, im not asking about the principle. Im asking im unable to answer the questions. You would rely on that policy. Did you not ask your staff to show you the policy that would be the basis for you refusing to answer the majority of questions that have been asked to you chairman, the witness should be allowed to answer the question. Senators will allow the chair to control the hearing. Senator harris, let him answer. Stephen yeah, come on, senator harris, if you just give the guy a minute to talk, im sure he can come up with a new reason why he cant answer. Ive got my antisenator force field up. And, also, the floor is lava laughter i yield the remainder of my time. Now, remember, this hearing was about russian interference in our elections. And Kamala Harris had a lot of questions. Well, let me change that. She had a lot of the first half of questions. Did you have any communication with any russian businessmen or any russian nationals . I dont believe i had any conversation with russian businessmen or russian nationals. Are you aware of although a lot of people were at the convention, its conceivable that somebody sir, sir i have just a few ques well, you let me qualify. If i dont qualify it, youll accuse me of lying, so i need to be correct as best i can. I do want you to be honest. Im not able to be rushed this fast. It makes me nervous. Stephen yes. Jeff sessions doesnt respond to being rushed. In fact, its the only kind of rushin he wont engage with. cheers and applause weee but according to former trump advisor and goatee host organism, jason miller, theres a perfectly reasonable explanation for why harris kept getting interrupted. He came out with a surprising amount of vinegar and, uh, fire in his belly today with some of his answers. He knocked away some of the hysteria from Kamala Harris. How was senator harris hysterical . I think she asked a lot of questions. She was very dogged, there was no question. But i wouldnt say she was anymore dogged than ron wyden, would you say that . Uh, listen my my opinion on that is i think she was hysterical. Stephen really . If anyone was hysterical, maybe it was the old question saying that her questions were scaring him have you know shame, senator harris . How many verbs is this sentence going to have . A dangling participle coming at me like a viper in the night. I do declare, this aggressive line of questioning. cheers and applause i have the vapors. Beauregard, bring me a fainting couch and a mint julep weve got a great show for you tonight. Trevor noah is here. But when we return, the return of russia. Stick around weee you know new pantene. R tangles the minute you wash it . 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Watch unlimited robots. Watch unlimited romance. If you are into that. But we also want more like. Unlimited hbo. Can i stop dying now mark . No can do mi amigo. Its unlimited. Besides you are really good at it james. Dont settle for any unlimited plan. Get at t unlimited plus. And, now get the amazing iphone 7 on us. band playing judge cheers and applause stephen welcome back welcome back, everybody. Say hi to jon batiste and stay human right over there cheers and applause i dont often see a tie. Looking very fresh. Jon i like the tie. Audience Stephen Stephen stephen thanks, everybody. Ill take a second chanting, im not proud. Before the commercial break i was standing over there with the legs, and i was talking about attorney general Jeff Sessions not answering questions at his hearing yesterday. He was being vewwy, vewwy quiet. laughter uhhuh. But he did its an easy change, isnt it . laughter but he did answer this one question from maine senator angus king. Do you believe the russians interfered with the 2016 elections . It appears so. The Intelligence Community seems to be united in that, but i have to tell you, senator king, i know nothing but what ive read in the paper. Stephen so, the top criminal investigator in the United States gets his intel from newspapers . I do not think we should investigate russia. My horoscope says its a bad time for capricorns to start new projects. All right. My moon is in aries, right now. But senator king kept going. There was a memorandum from the Intelligence Community on october 9 that detailed what the russians were doing after the election, before the inauguration. You never sought any information about this rather dramatic attack on our country . No. Never . Stephen yeah, just never thought to ask about it. Its all explained in his childrens book. Not curious jeff. laughter i think, i think our leaders maybe should take a little interest here. Vladimir putin has. In fact, we just learned that russias attempts to hack the election were far more widespread than we thought, including hacking into voter databases and software systems, in 39 states. Thats right, 39. That the mean in 2016, the russians had higher voter turnout that we did. laughter in illinois alone, the hackers got access to a database including names, dates of birth, genders, drivers licenses, and partial Social Security numbers on 15 million people. Which explains why so Many Americans suddenly got pay accounts on sturgeongirlsexparty. Ru. laughter nobody, nobody its a quality site. Nobody knows nobody knows exactly what russia plan to do with the information, but the Obama Administration believed they might delete voter registration, slow down vote tallying, or suppress votes in lowincome neighborhoods with short poll hours and voter i. D. Requirements. Wait, im sorry. That last one was north carolina. My apologies to russia. The point is the threats from the russians is real and its not going away and we need to fight it. Its in everyones interest. Because while russians appear to have favored trump in the last election, next time they could throw their support behind the democratic nominee putin in a pantsuit. Well be right back with our friend trevor noah. Stick around. cheers and applause get, get, shooo hey out out get, get, get arrrrrgh did you find everything okay, sir. . panting whaaaaat. . Have a good day, sir [music volume rises] run in to get up to 50 percent off the entire store. [whistles] lets go hi, fashion. Old navy. You totanobodys hurt, new car. But there will still be pain. It comes when your Insurance Company says theyll only pay threequarters of what it takes to replace it. What are you supposed to do . Drive threequarters of a car . Now if you had Liberty Mutual new car replacement™, youd get your whole car back. I guess they dont want you driving around on three wheels. Smart. 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The most common side effects were nausea, constipation and vomiting. Trintellix had no Significant Impact on weight in clinical trials. Ask your healthcare professional about trintellix. band playing band playing cheers and applause stephen ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the show. Folks, i greatly admire the work of our first guest tonight. He hosts the daily show every night on comedy central. Please welcome trevor noah cheers and applause thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Stephen good to see you. Good to see you. I just want to say since the last time i had you on here, last september or something. Thats right. Stephen you have written and released a book called born a crime. I did, indeed. Stephen all right, im angry that you have time to do that. laughter or the energy, really. Because i just go home at night and they put me in amniotic fluid so im ready for the show the next night. You have an hour show, and i have a half hour so. You also have a family. Im alone. laughter stephen thats true. Thats true. Yeah. But you travel all over the world. Youve got to be exhausted on a certain level. You know what, i find i get my energy from doing the things i love. Its actually something i learned from you. I dont know if you remember saying this. When creating the show, Stephen Colbert said like hes not here he said, the joy of the show is not oftentimes in performing it. The joy is derived from creating it, and what youre watching is a manifestation of that joy. Stephen you show the audience what we all to do together. If you do what you love and i know its hard in this world if you do the thing you love you dont get tired. You get tired because of the challenge. But you dont get mentally and emotionally challenged. Man, that was a nice day. Imagine doing something you love until you got tired. That sounded wrong, but you know what im saying. laughter . Stephen it sounded very right to me. Of course, there are days like today, when shows like mine and shows like yours, we talk about what has happened in the day, and today there was another there was another horrific shooting in america, this time targeting, apparently, g. O. P. Members of congress. Right. Stephen do you have any thoughts on what happened today . I think what you said, similar to what i had as an initial thought especially because we watch the news so much and that was it was great to see people from both sides seeing this and uniting under the banner of human and american before anything else. Thats one of the things that were seeing less and less of in society today, it feels like. Its almost something i was talking to senator al franken, and i was saying to him, like a lot of people didnt know he was friends with Jeff Sessions before the whole, you know, testimony. And i think thats something thats lacking in american politics is politicians showing from both sides of the aisle that they are friends. Its almost become like wrestling, where the fans dont realize that those people get along. applause those people fight every single day, but, like paulrian said today, like nancy pelosi said, we fight tooth and nail, but we dont forget that we are people. We are friends, we are families, we are colleagues. And i feel like they could do a better job of saying that to americans, hey, we fight. You can fight. But dont forget at your core, you are americans. Dont ever forget that. applause stephen well, thats absolutely thats absolutely right. But that also reminds me that how long have you been in the United States . How long have you been living here full time now . This is my second time living here. I left just to practice leaving before donald trump said so. laughter so i lived on the west coast for two years. And then i left the United States and went to work in the world, and then ive been living here i guess its close to three years. Stephen five years all together. Are you an american citizen yet . No, no, no, not allowed to be. Stephen not allowed to be. Not yet. Stephen are we playing hard to get. No its time. I get it. With an immigrant theyre like we want to see where this is going and figure out are you really into us . Lets go slow. And i get it. Stephen i guess thats the question. Are you really into us, trevor noah, after three years here and every night talking about whats going on in america, do you still find us attractive . Im here and im loving it. Im a citizen of the world, and ive always loved the United States. Stephen you cant actually be a citizen of the world. The world does not issue a passport. Surprisingly it does. There is a world passport. It doesnt get you anywhere, but there is a world passport. Stephen it gets you to a phish concert. Tiedye. My dream was to live in the u. S. Mostly because this is the home of standup. And i live that dream every day. And im blessed. When people go which country do you live in . I go, i live in new york. Its not a country, its a place. If you know new york, you know what im talk about. Its a world unto itself. Stephen every language spoken here, every religion practiced here. I dont take that for granted. I wait to see lets fut this way if america is around when i can become a citizen, then maybe well see if i join in. Stephen i hope so. We dont know. We dont know. Maybe ill be inviting you to south africa. You never know. Stephen another ive been to south africa, not to the cities but ive done like, you know, the United States, you know, western man thing. Ive gone and done the safari that is the sphaeps that is the cities. laughter . Stephen you ought to get some of those lions out of your cities, then. Does south africa have anyone or have they ever had anybody like our president . Because wow. Stephen weve weve never had a donald trump before, so we dont know entirely what to do with him. laughter he seems to break a mold. He breaks a lot of norms for us. Yes, he does. Stephen has south africa had one judge its tough. Donald trump is so different they dont know that i can definitively say weve had or not had a donald trump. He reminds me of african dictators but i dont know for certain stephen in what way . I mean, ive said many times like, you know, he loves himself. He believes that only he can fix the problems. He speaks in the third person. He i mean, hes the first african dictator to use twitter, which is the millennial coming out. But have we had let me fut this way i dont know for certain. I will say this, this is my president. My president is currently embroiled in a scandal where his family has been using their ties to the presidency to make money. So i dont know if that rings a bell. laughter let me see what else . What else . Uhm. He had a few issues before he became president with Sexual Harassment and no, okay. Let me think. laughter hes friends with vladimir putin. Thats different no, no. I dont know. You tell me, stephen. Stephen ill trade you. laughter applause just to try. We should do that, right . Stephen like swapping. We should do a president swap. I will say this now, imagine donald trump and if he was black. Hmm . Stephen hes hes a man of color . Is that what you were going to say . Stephen yes. You can say it. Stephen i wasnt sure. You can say it before i can, my friend. The daily show is doing Something Interesting this weekend you do Something Interesting every day but youre actually doing something on the weekend. Explain to the good people here in manhattan. Heres the thing. A lot of people go as the daily show you hate on donald trump, and i dont believe that we do, but i did feel there was something we could do for the president in and around his birthday. There has been a concerted effort by people, especially with the administration, to silence the president s sweets twooets. We know about this, kellyanne cob way, they go, other ignore the tweets. I dont think thats cool. Say what you want about his president ing. Hes the king of twitter. He rocks it. You cant hate on donald trump when it comes to twitter so we decided to have a twitter president ial library that honors donald j. Trumps tweets. I know, normally applause yeah, thank you, thank you very much. You know, normally, i know in america, you have the president ial library when the person leaves office. We dont know when that will be. Stephen or ever. You dont know. So appreciate person while theyre still around. Stephen where is it . How can i see it . Its actually a block away from trump tower. Its going to be on 3 west 57th street. So he can, like, just pop out, and then yeah, just like you know. Stephen are there any displays . It will be everything. The Twitter Library will give you context, what the tweets are about, the story. Hes an amazing man when it comes for twitter. If he was running for twitter president , i would say everyone should vote for him, everyone. Stephen are they organized by subject . Are they organized by hashtags . As much as we could. The only subject thats consistent is sad. Thats the only thing. Stephen there is the sad hall of fame. Thats about it. applause . Stephen you said you you know, you came, you love new york because new york is the home of standup. You still do standups on the weekend. Not just in the United States. But around the world. You fly. How do you find the time and how do you have any jokes left. I find the jokes from standup and bring them to the daily show. If i talk about nashville or make a joke about el paso, texas, or Say Something about eerie, pennsylvania, i like ton i was there. Ive been to 45 states now. Ive been to hundreds of u. S. Cities. I saw maralago in person because of standup. I never would have gone to palm beach. They wouldnt let me in, but i went to maralago. Stephen i heard it was very nice. I said can i come in. And he was very sweet but he said, its for members only. And i said, im the host and he said, we know who you are. Like security knows who you are. Stephen have a good show tonight. Nice to see you. Thank you again for having me. Stephen his book, born a stephen his book, born a crime, is available now. Trevor noah, everybody crime, is available now. Well be right back with ilana glazer. Abdominal pain. And diarrhea. But its my anniversary. Aw. Sorry. Weve got other plans. Your recurring, unpredictable abdominal pain and diarrhea. May be Irritable Bowel Syndrome with diarrhea, or ibsd. Youve tried overthecounter treatments and lifestyle changes, but ibsd can be really frustrating. Talk to your doctor about viberzi,. A different way to treat ibsd. 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Okay, this is getting a little weird enjoy the go with charmin applause stephen hey, everybody, welcome back folks, my next guest tonight is half of the hilarious duo behind broad city and now stars in the movie rough night. I just got some coke from the bus boy. What america, already, right on the nose. Okay, guys, i cant do any cocaine. Im very jet lagged so i will do cocaine. So everyones in. Great. I dont know. Jess, come on, just do some cocaine sorry, i did a little bit of it. laughter stephen please welcome ilana glazer. applause stephen hey hey. Stephen nice to see you. You, too. Stephen now, does abbey know that were hanging out tonight . She does. Stephen is she okay with it . She says hi. Whoever of us dwets to see you, were very happy. Stephen okay with seeing other people. Yeah. Stephen all right, last time you were here it was the two of you, and our good friend doris kerns goodwin, and this was during the Convention Last summer before in the before times as i call them. Yeah, yup. Stephen do you have any memories of that night . How has the world changed for you . I was talking about it on our ride here because i couldnt believe the last time that we had been here, i could not believe it. Stephen was it during the republican or democratic convention, do you remember . I think it was the d. N. C. But we met doris stephen who is wonderful. Yes, and she was so lovely, and we said, doris, do you think theres any chance that he could win . And she was like, not a chance. Not a country that, you know, is built on slavery but has elected obama. Our country is not is not going to vote for that guy. laughter stephen ive always said she does not know what shes talking about. Shes an idiot. Shes an idiot. Stephen yeah. Apologies to doris kerns goodwin, obviously, but dumb, dumb lady. She has, like, studied all of it, and knows the patterns. And i think smoog there was a glitch in the system. Because when she said it i believed that she was right. Stephen broad city season four starts when . Starts august . Yes. Stephen august of this year . Yup. applause stephen you guys made a little political comedy news in the last couple of days because youre doing Something Special this season with well, with our president. What is it . Yes. We are bleepg his last name, president bleep. Of he gets enough air time as it is, and, you know, its in the world, it would be better not to hear his name. cheers and applause . Stephen now, its going to make it sound you could actually say anything you want in that moment. Thats right. Stephen and people would know what you were saying. You could say youre saying trump but you could say anything. Thats true. And i usually go with drumpf. Thats his last name. Stephen youve had so many guest stars on that show, is there a particular guest star you have had over the years that has been most exciting to you . I mean, when we had hillary clinton, it was stephen i remember her . Do you remember . Stephen nice lady, nice lady. Really nice. Stephen she works for the National Park service now, i think. Really qualified. Stephen yeah. Yeah, she was brilliant. And that was incredible to meet her. That was crazy. Since since weve been watching all this, you know, fake news and whatever, real news and the president. And anticipating coming here tonight, i had been thinking, stephen, that you are really a model white man. Stephen i am the picture in the dictionary next to white man, i think. They dont get much whiter than me. You are the good version of one. Our president , almost the number one white guy in america because hes the president. Im also like, Stephen Colbert is. Youve just been revealing yourself yurs to us over the years. Ive been watching strangers with candy lately, and youve just been revealing yourself. Stephen that was the character i was playing on that show. And he was very disturbed, but thank you very much. Thats what i mean he was like you were so young in it and pretty. laughter . Stephen well, thanks for stopping by. You were so but you were you were less stephen i was thin, too. Youre thin but you were less you were less attractive of a person because you you guys were being grotesque in it and you were not being yourselves. And over the years you have become a real version of United Airlines or whatever, as real as you are. And its really its i think i hope that the president watches this show and learns from you. Stephen im sure he does. laughter now, you are directing now. That is a big step. To go from writer, performer, to director. Why did you want to do it . And are you power mad . I am i am power crazy. I have been, like, just slapping p. A. S asses. Weve been hiking up the Sexual Assault bills for comedy central. But, yeah, it wasue know, it actually was more efficient for us to direct because all these conversations end up with us anyways, so it eliminated many email chaingz that we would be ccd on anyway, and be answering all these questions. It really condensed the work. But it sort of made gray hair grow out of my body, also. laughter . Stephen now, the movie rough night that youre in, its you, scarlett johansson, gillian bell, kate mckinnon, zoe kravitz. Its a female cast, directed and written by women. Its the first r rated widerelease comedy directed by a woman in 20 years, or Something Like that. What was it like to make how did you bond so quickly together . We did a lot of bits on set. I had one that was pretty gross. Zoe is so obsiege beautiful, na obsiege beautiful, we were like who would be the most beautiful person zoe could have a baby with . And its, obviously, jaden smith. Because hes stephen very handsome young man. A pretty beautiful young man. And we were saying wouldnt it be amazing if jaden and zoe had a baby and the baby turned out ugly . laughter so my character is i didnt name him jingo smith, jingo smithkravitz, and he talks like this lisping he makes up for a lot of his looks and personality. Stephen did jaden know you did this . Because he might want to tweet about it. No, jaden doesnt know who i am. Hello jaden smith. Hello stephen nice to see you again. My best to everyone in the broad city family. Rough night is in theaters this friday. Ilana glazer, everybody. Well be right back with veeps sam richardson. Stick around. Ttake an extra 20 off a greatt kohls last minute gift for your dad like a new van heusen dress shirt for just 23. 99 a Philips Norelco razor or give dad a new timex watch. Plus everyone gets kohls cash kohls. [hissing] uh i [sound of wrench] [intricate guitar riff] [engine starts] [guitar continues] we, the tv loving people, roooooaaar want our whole house to be filled with entertainment. Easy boy but we dont want annual contracts and hardware. You scoundrel we just want to stream live tv. And we want it for 10 dollars a month. batman raspy wow. Id like that in my house. Its a very big house. Yeah, mine too. Look at us. Just two bros with sick houses. High five. Directv now. A big streaming deal for 10 a month. Its entertainment your way. band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody, welcome back to the show. My next guest stars as the pathologically happy chief o you just go into the room. I shook the devil staff Richard Splett on veep. Please welcome sam richardson. s hand. You. You mean masturbate. Does it hurt . Oh, no, richard. How is that possible . Really . My family and i were also pretty religious. Grandma said selfpleasure was a sin, like microwaves for laughter. I feel like he has a really good heart. Im sorry, im still not understanding how the cup comes into play. Please welcome sam richardson. cheers and applause thanks for being here. Stephen nice to meet you. Very nice to meet you. Stephen i am a huge fan of your work, of this show, but your character you play on the show, richard t. Splett eye dont know why i said t. , your middle name is john. Richard t. Splett is a great, unbelievably optimistic, cheerful character, who doesnt seem to understand that everything is going wrong around him. Right, like hes just got this bouyant like Energy Around him, like every negative thing is like water on a ducks back you know. Hes just positive. Like a consummate optimist. Stephen is that what youre like in real life . Are you half Glass Half Full . Part of me it is. Theres a lot of me that i think i think some of me is in richard. And then, like so, like, with richard, is like a little nerdy and positive. I think im pretty positive. But when richard i do get offended when somebody insults me. So thats different than him. But, like stephen he doesnt understand when someone insults him. Its just not in his vocabulary. He doesnt understand eye world view or someone who would insult someone else, which is odd on that show because its filled with the greatest insults of any show ever on television. Thats the currency of that show. Richard doesnt get to do those. When richard will do something nerdy, like when richard will correct somebody like on a comic book reference or a harry potter reference, thats sam richardson, 100 . Like, the other day somebody was like, you know, all chubby people are from huff puhhel puff. And i was like no. It doesnt make sense. That part of me is very much like richard. Stephen you and i have something in common. We were both members of the second city in chicago. Yes. Stephen you in crd drt and then in chicago. Stephen its a tremendous place. Its grate place to work and succeed and fail because the audience their are forgiving because youre doing improv a lot of the times. Its live and you cant recreate improv. Even if you watch it on on film or, like, taped, it will never be the same as it is live because everybody is on this high wire what are they going to say next . Thank god they said something. Stephen and the audience is drunk there. And theyre drunk. Which is the main thing about comedy, be drunk. Stephen we tried to get a Liquor License for these people and cbs didnt want it. I see a few brown paper bag s. Stephen did you understudy when you work at second city, its like a rep system. I understudied people before me. Like, sketches from the late 50s i was doing. Alan arkin sketches. Did you do anything i did . I did. I did a scene of yours called mia. Stephen in which im an old black woman. An old black lady. Stephen looking just like this. Exactly. Stephen and talking just like this but the reality of the scene was i happened to be an old black woman. You and steve carell, and theyre going to your home town you just say right before, oh, by the way, here im an old black lady sm. And its like, what all these people come up and say, shirley wentworth, how are you . Stephen thats my characters name, shirley wentworth. Who do you play . I play the gentleman suitor who was really glad to see you go. Stephen because he and i could never be together because the town wouldnt accept our love. Yes. Stephen and we kiss in it. There was a gentle sweet kiss. Sweet kiss. Stephen and the more ensear it was the funnier it is. Exactly. It was a teardown great scene. Audiences would love it. But we would tour that scene stephen around the country. Around the country. And sometimes youd be a little bit deeper into the country and that part of the scene would be like, no. I wasnt sure if it was an idea of two men kissing or a black man and a white man kissing. I didnt ask them what their problem with it was. Stephen there werent comment cards . Excuse me and everybody raises their hands. No, i didnt open that door. Stephen you grew up in detroit, right . Di. I grew up between detroit and ghana, west africa. My mother is from ghana. My father is from detroit. Stephen whats the capitol. Akra. Stephen akra, ghana. How much of your childhood, how did you split it . I used to go back and forth. I would spend ghanas in summer. And sometimes twice a year, and be there four months. Stephen what was it like to, like, to be splitting your childhood like that in two Different Countries . I would kind of, like, never get like, i was kind of a man out of place in both worlds. Like, in detroit, my family would make fun of me. Theyd be like, oh, sam you say mum, mum. I would say mum, and waste bin, a little bit of an accent. In ghana they would be like, sam, im thirsty. I want a glass of that clear liquid. Whats it called . And i would say, water . And said say, water its water, same, stupid. Stephen sounds like a happy childhood, sam. Yeah. All laughs. applause . Stephen thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me. Stephen nice to see you. Veep airs sundays on hbo. Sam richardson, everybody. Well be right back. Introducing fios gigabit connection. Superfast internet at an incredible price. With speeds up to 940 megs. Thats 20x faster than most people have. And, its just 79. 99 a month online for 1 year. And only 5 more per month for the second year. Get fios gigabit connection for 79. 99 with tv, hbo for 1 year and multiroom dvr service for 2 years. All with a 2year agreement. Switch now at fiosgigabit. Com. Late show. Tune in tomorrow when my guests will be milo ventimiglia, judy greer, and comedian keith alberstadt. Now stick around for our friend james corden and his guests fred armisen, tituss burgess, and edgar wright. Good night captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry bout where you come from its gonna be all right its the late, late show ladies and gentlemen, all the wa
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