Transcripts For KYW The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20170

Transcripts For KYW The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20170404



ncaa tournament with those who have earned their one shining moment. ♪ ♪ >> every single second! ♪ ♪ >> no good! and northwestern has won! >> wisconsin! they have knocked out the defending national champions! >> the 2 seed duke blue devils are out! ♪ >> this is an opportunity for growth, and you have to use it at as such. >> the coaches tell my coach's son and dad with a smile ♪ >> fox. showing what he can do against lonzo ball. ♪ ♪ >> big finish! >> showalter. >> how cool is that? >> chioza. goodness! >> that young lady is going to be on the internet all night. she's smiling. >> to tie it. an impossible shot! maye for the won! north carolina ! >> williams-goss. and one. gonzaga is going to be playing for the national championships! >> he is going to go baseline. amazing! carolina saves it off the glass! >> gonzaga-north carolina for the national championship. ♪ >> the confetti is going to fall for north carolina. they are not going to be denied this time. the dinosaurs' extinction... got you outnumbered. don't listen to them. not appropriate. now i'm mashing these potatoes with my stick of butter... why don't you sit over here. something for everyone is awesome. find your awesome with the xfinity stream app. more to stream to every screen. ♪ ♪ with simply right checking from santander bank, just make one deposit, withdrawal, transfer, or payment each month to waive the monthly fee. and there's no minimum balance. you're alright with simply right checking from santander bank. ♪ are you feeling alright, baby? ♪ from santander bank. alright gus,[giggle]next. ready? ok. go!...seahorse... no. -giant snail. -flamingo. the water... ...under the... pony! no. bow and arrow? oh oh... uh-huh. yeah. the leaning tower of pisa. ah-oh. 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[laughter] keep on scratchin'. what's in a name? plenty for two teams that just battled it out. we're playing the name game to find out what exactly is a tarheel and who gonzaga is named after. >> first you'll be falling asleep to the sound of rain. storm scan 3 shows the rain is going to be with us for a while. good evening, good morning. i'm yukee washington. >> i'm jessica dean. rain, wirnd around thunderstorms we're going to see them all the next few hours and lauren casey is tracking the storm as it rolls through the area overnight. >> we're seeing the rain overspread the area and the intensity starting to pick up overhead in center city philadelphia. we see these pockets of yellow greens back into the airport, chester into media, seeing that rain coming down steadily and more moderate in nature and as i mention the intensity even over just the last hour starting to pick up quicker and we'll see that trend forth next couple of hours. a heavier bands moving through up not egg harbor mystic island area. we are going to be dealing with fairly steady rainfall especially over the next several hours. heavy at times and we could see thunderstorms as well. the wind will be kind of gusty, breezy at times throughout the overnight period, mild conditions and we do have a flood watch in effect for parts of the area as we head into tuesday evening. that includes north eastern pennsylvania, the poconos, northern new jersey it does include the greater trenton area. we will maintain that rain and storm chance but it will be much more scattered in nature. >> philadelphia police are investigating deadly gunfire. two people were killed, two others critically hurt in a bar age of bullets. eyewitness news reporter david spunt has the latest on the investigation from police headquarters. >> reporter: 3:30 in the afternoon on a warm philadelphia day. >> we were in the school and all you hear is gun shots. >> reporter: 12-year-old autumn was inside the school with her 11-year-old sister for track practice. when almost two dozen gunshots were fired at this apartment complex across the street. >> we had to stay in our classrooms. we couldn't walk out. >> reporter: philadelphia homicide detectives were on scene moments later. four men were shot. all in their late 20s and early 30s. they were taken to the hospital. two died moments later. >> we believe that someone came east from this location and started firing. >> reporter: philadelphia homicide captain wouldn't get into specifics but our cameras picked up shell casings and this orange pill bottle on the ground. >> three were taken to the hospital by police, one drove himself. he's the one in critical but stable condition. >> reporter: clark says one possibly two men fired the shots. a lockdown was in place at the school as a precaution. the girls are safe their dad is thankful but worried about what might have been. >> life is valuable. you should make the best of it. >> reporter: if you have any information give philadelphia a call. david spunt, nus cbs3, eyewitness news. >> new tonight this bucks county barn is destroyed by fire. chopper 3 flying over the barn in bedminster township. >> big cosby's defense team and the prosecution argue over what evidence will be allowed in comedian's sex assault trial. prosecutors want the jury to see a sealed document to contains cosby admitting to giving andrea constand and other women quaaludes in the 1970s. in the book cosby talked about using spanish fly to get women to like him. cosby is scheduled to go on trial in june. two legal heavy hitters in philadelphia have filed a lawsuit to have district attorney seth williams removed from office. former former -- williams was indicted on charges of bribery. williams voluntarily suspended his law license but says he plans to stay in office. >> pennsylvania state police are looking for two men who they say threw rocks and steel rebar shattering this car's windshield on the pennsylvania's turnpike. the sus pekds reportedly hurlted the items from ground level. >> i noticed a guy standing beside one of the concrete barriers with a rock throwing it across the barrier and he hit my windshield. he could have killed me he's li. >> six cars were damaged. >> new tonight a bridge linking avalon to sea isle city is closed for repairs after engineers found a crack under water in one of the piles that supports the bridge. the bridge is shut down in levelly. >> a bomb blast tears through a subway train in russia. there's been no immediate claim of responsibility for that attack which came as president putin was visiting the city. it is believed islamic extremism could be behind the terrorism. hours after the blast police found and diffused an explosive device at another train station. >> an historic showdown is in the works on capitol hill over president trump's supreme court nominee neil gorsuch. democrats have enough votes to mount a filibuster. senate republicans are vowing to use the so-called nuclear option on friday and change senate rules. that means gorsuch will be confirmed with just 51 republican votes. >> i concluded that judge gorsuch doesn't share a mainstream view of the constitutional rights as they apply to individuals. their right to liberty, they're right to privacy. >> we will not have a successful filibuster of a supreme court nominee because if we have to, we will change the rules and it looks like we're going to have to. >> democrats first invoked the nuclear option in 2013 when they changed the rules doing away with filibusters for all executive branch appointments and lower court picks. >> new documents show the trust agreement president trump used to put his adult sons in charge of his company allows him to withdraw money upon his request and some say that raises potential conflict of interests. the white house says the trust is operating exactly as intended. meantime today president trump donated the first three months of his presidential salary, that money just over $78,000, has now been given to the national park service. the interior secretary says he'll be using that money to help with maintenance projects on the nation's 25 battlefield. melania trump has made only a handful of appearances at the white house over the last few months but now she has her first official portrait as the first lady. the picture was taken in the white house's private residence where mrs. trump plans to move sometime this summer. >> a local man comes up with a unique way to sell his parents' home. he took potential buyers on shall we say colorful tour. >> why realtors may be looking to hire him or maybe not. >> reporter: there's a lovely home on the market in mays landing with an owner to has a colorful brand of salesmanship. >> let me show you around a little bit. [ bleep ]. >> reporter: in just four days joey has become an internet sensation after his son posted the tour on youtube. >> i'll show you the house [ bleep ]. >> reporter: yoesy didn't know it was uploaded. >> here's the other deck. this is the other half of my inheritance. how do you like that? >> reporter: we had to meet him t. >> reporter: this is my parents' home which now his to sell. >> there's 20 bags of my mother's clothes [ bleep ]. >> reporter: the style he calls south philly original. and yes, it is a bit of an act he came up with to have fun with the selling process. >> i don't know what possessed me but i walked over there and it just went. >> reporter: humor as an aid to grief. >> at the end of the road they became my best friends then you lose them. >> reporter: joey lost his father two and a half years ago, his mother just three months ago. >> i met 500,000 people that i never met laugh. so my parents were in heaven smiling and laughing, i hope. >> granite counter tops rtion [ bleep ]. >> reporter: my mom wosk chasing me around the house with the broom. >> this home is indeed for sale listed at 149, 900. >> now, despite the fact the video has gone viral, no one has made an offer on the house yet. >> a new national champion was just crowned right here on cbs3. >> don bell joins us now with that thrilling finish. >> yeah it was good. it wants a masterpiece but it was excite and it came down to the final seconds. north carolina taking on gonzanga and looking for redemption. carolina with a 1-point lead with under a minute left in the game. eye seeia hicks a nice bucket there they're up by 3. then going the other way, nigel williams blocked going the other way. how about justin jackson with the jam. north carolina wins their sixth national title, 71-65 your final score. it is a great story of redemption because you do remember last year north carolina losing at the buzzer because of chris jenkins so it comes full circle. >> that's a good night for them. >> all right. so that begs the question, what is a tarheel? and who is gonzaga? >> so we're going to play the name game to see how much you really know. >> hopefully my shoulders are strong enough so some people can stand on mine. >> shattering the glass ceiling. the historic promotion for two women here in philadelphia. then free to fly again. what the faa says about harrison ford's close call while landing his plane. >> you are looking live at bethlehem where the roads are already soaked with rain. lauren will let you know how long you have to keep your rain gear handy. for years, fios has been promising fast internet to small businesses. but for many businesses, it's out of reach. why promise something you can't deliver? comcast business is different. ♪ ♪ we deliver super-fast internet with speeds of 150 megabits per second across our entire network, to more companies, in more locations, than fios. we do business where you do business. ♪ ♪ . two women in the philadelphia fire department shattered another glass ceiling today. they became the first to fill their high-ranking positions. linda long began her career as paramedic. she quit and started over in the firefighter academy. she is the first ever to be both a paramedic and firefighter. crystal yates is the city's first african-american paramedic services chief. >> i'm excited and nervous and proud to be able to stand here for all the other women in the fire department. >> i stand on the shoulders of others and hopefully my shoulders are strong enough so people can stand on mine. >> these trail blazing women can get to work. the formal celebration is set for june. >> actor harrison ford is cleared for takeoff. ford's lawyer says the actor will not be penalized for accidentally landing his plane at a taxi way back in february. you can see ford there flew right over an american airlines plane. the faa could have fined ford or have taken away his pilot's license. just a few minutes ago you saw north carolina outlast gonzaga. >> nicole brewer is here to play the name game with the tarheels and bulldogs. >> maybe you know location of the school, right? or maybe you know the mascot or maybe not. we put silly to the test to see how much they really know about the top two. >> reporter: from the field of 68, it all came down to 2. on one side of the court, university of north carolina. >> won the most championships. >> reporter: facing off against gonzaga university. >> it's a smaller school. >> reporter: but does your knowledge of the top two stop there? while most philly fans knew unc was from chapel hill north carolina. >> spokane, i'm sorry. >> this group did better with the mascot but couldn't tell us what a tarheel was. >> maybe a plant or something? >> reporter: i had to refer to the university's website one dating back to the revolutionary war when north carolina residents supposedly dumped tar into the river. >> that sounds bad for the environment. >> reporter: as we learn the name gonzaga goes back in history. >> it sounds spanish. >> reporter: an italian saint of the 16 century who died at the age of 23 while carrying for victims of the plague. with a fresh dose of history, these fans made one last guess which team would make it. >> gonzaga. >> gonzaga. >> tarheels by 4. >> >> that was close. >> 71-65. >> we all learned a little something. >> cbs3 goes blue tonight for autism awareness. we turned the lights outside our station blue along with several other buildings in the city because april is national autism awareness month. autism spectrum disorders are almost five times as common among boys than girls. >> the rain has arrived and the rainfall intensity is starting to pick up so umbrella alert issued for the delaware valley and we'll have some rain chances even a few thunderstorms for tomorrow but it will be more scattered in nature than what we're experiencing right now and that is rain across the area. rain drops on the lens as we get a look at center city philadelphia. 52 degrees, southeast winds picking up around 15 miles per hour. temperatures right now we have some rain cooled air in place but all together pretty mild for this time of year and in the evening. those winds are starting to pick up, wind speeds up to 15-20 miles per hour. with some locally hire gusts so if you're heading out and about and you encounter the rain, it doesn't feel great on your face. we will see the breezy conditions, steady rainfall and thunderstorms as well. low temperatures only falling back into the low 50s and we have a warm day in store for our tuesday and in fact our only third day in the 70s in over a month but we will have windy conditions and a scattered thunderstorm as we head into the afternoon. storm scan 3 showing us what we're dealing with right now and that is quite a bit of rainfall. that rainfall intensity starting to pick up. good downpour just moving through center city philadelphia seeing some steady and moderate rain coming down. also that rainfall intensity has just picked up for you really over the last 15. also seeing the rain picking up a bit as we look at northern burks county, allentown, you're seeing some light rain right now but that will kind of increase as we head into the 10, 15, 20 minutes. a big storm center, center back off in the lower midwest so it will continue to give us energy as we head into the day tomorrow but storm scan 3 is going to show us -- as we look at future weather tuesday overnight tonight we have some of our latest models indicating we could see this localized band of heavier rainfall and imbedded thunderstorm activity moving through some of our shower points. all together not too bad, just some showers around and we'll see a lull in the activity into midday, even some sunshine breaking out but do still keep an eye to the sky as we will see some hit or miss thunderstorms developing as we have into tomorrow afternoon and early evening. not everyone going to see these thunderstorms as we head into late day tomorrow but you want to have the umbrella on stand by. and factoring in rain we see tomorrow and rainfall amounts locally could be quite heavy especially if we see heavier rain develop along the coast. for your tuesday, the 9:00 hour, 61 degrees with some showers around. winds whipping the second half of the day. mainly dry for your lunch hour and hit or miss thunderstorms nor the 5:00 hours. high temperatures warm. on wednesday a quiter day in story, mostly sunny, breezy and mild with a lost sunshine and we're watching another storm system by thursday that could bring us potentially some severe weather. so stay tuned to that evolving forecast. >> don's back with more sports. >> we're still talking college hoops. find out what inspires it's now open in the poconos! america's largest indoor waterpark is making waves. kalahari resorts & conventions in the poconos. book your african adventure now! book your african adventure now! . before all this rain came in it was a nice spring day out there and there was a nice activity that went hand in hand. >> baseball, it happened so long ago. >> 1938, that year the ball point pen was invented. it was also the last time the phillies started their season with a home run. the phillies visiting cincinnati. hernandez as if it's 1938. deep right field and gone. a lead-off home run and the phillies are up 1-0. a solo jack and the phils with 3-0 lead. the writing also contributing with his bat. line drive to right field and you might think it's still spring training for the reds. we go to the 9th inning. ht phillies win it 4-3. >> we don't need power from the corners. we get our power from the middle infielders. freddy and cesar the two littlest guys on the field. we got 10 hits, swung the bats pretty well and the bull pen did a good job. >> on to the ice, the flyers off tonight. they have only 3 games left in the season. they visit new jersey tomorrow night. more love for dario the 22-year-old was named the eastern conference rookie of the month for second straight month. average 18 points and 7 boards. meanwhile, shout out to dawn staley. thanks to their win over mississippi state. she gives props to carolyn peck. >> years ago when she was commentating she gave me a piece of her national championship net and she told me to keep it and i've had it in my wallet for years and she said when you win your national championship just return it. and i'm going to have to pass a piece of my net on to somebody else. >> thank you buddy. appreciate it. >> coming up, lost and found. >> up next the reason a local high school is sending one of its class rings to a high school class ring is lost for decades is found and returned to the owner's family. >> a local jeweler made a replica of the ring to give to the other person who found it on the other side of the world. he lost the ring while serving in the army during world war ii and the villager will now receive his own class ring. lauren? >> it's only monday but we're always looking ahead to the upcoming weekend. it is going to be on the cooler side on saturday but not too chilly. just a few degrees below our average. milder on sunday with temperatures likely climbing up into the 60s. we'll see some clouds around on saturday but it looks like we have a sunny sunday in store it's now open in the poconos! america's largest indoor waterpark. kalahari resorts & conventions book your african adventure now! keep your phone and number and less money? it's not impossible. it's simple. bring your phone to simple mobile and get truly unlimited high-speed data for sixty bucks a month. just pick up a simple mobile sim card. pop it into your phone and kaboom you get a blazing-fast 4g lte network for less. want to keep your phone and save more money? the answer is simple. >> earlier tonight, cbs celebrated the highlights of the ncaa championship with another annual shining moment. but we know there were other moments that weren't celebrated so we'd like to celebrate them now. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ (singing) ♪ an average moment the next is the rim ♪ ♪ . ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ (singing) ♪ ♪ ♪ one average moment ( laughter ) ♪ one average moment >> hey, come on guys. i'm not wearing a cup. ( laughter ) >> it's "the late show with stephen colbert" with stephen colbert! tonight stephen welcomes jason sudeikis, jennifer esposito and joey bada$$, jon batiste and banne"stay human." from the ed sullivan theater, it's "the late show" with stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: welcome! thanks, everybody! welcome to "the late show." i'm so glad you're here. i'm your host, stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) i just want to start out by saying congratulations to the universityov south carolina women's basketball team, who last night won the national championship. good for you, gav give it up foe female gamecocks, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) i'm so proud of the female gamecocks, or as i hope no one calls them, the lady cocks -- 'cause i googled it and those were not basketball players. ( laughter ) >> jon: hey, hey, hey! >> stephen: i will say, there was some impressive ball handling. ( laughter ) ( applause ) thank you very much. thank you very much. now, where were we? oh, we taped this show at 5:30, so we don't know who won the men's championship. as a celebrity, i don't find out until 7:30. but still i would like to offer my congratulations. so great job, team name here. ( laughter ) you earned it! you wanted it! ( cheers and applause ) truly a cinderella or totally expected story. ( laughter ) super dramatic game tonight. wish i would have seen it. there's drama brewing in washington because the senate is about to vote on nominee and banker getting stoned for the first time on vacation, neil gorsuch. but democrats aren't going to let gorsuch get confirmed without a fight. sure, it's a fight they're going to lose-- but those are the kinds of fights democrats love. ( cheers and applause ) yeah! i'm not sure if you know what you were clapping for just then. when you get home tonight, watch the joke. i'm not sure you know what i said. today, senate democrats announced they have enough votes to filibuster gorsuch's nomination. if they do, the republicans have threatened to use what's called "the nuclear option." which would upset donald trump, because he wants to be the first to use the nuclear option ( laughter ) possibly against north korea or maybe jake tapper. so this is going to answer a lot of questions, like "are the democrats going to filibuster?" "will republicans go nuclear?" and "will gorsuch go with one of those ginsburg neck doilies?" ( laughter ) really nice. soaks up the gravy when you eat barbecue. i would eat a lot of barbeque if i was on the bench. ( laughter ) some are saying there shouldn't be any vote on a trump nominee until we find out if trump colluded with the russkies. now, we thought we knew everything russia did to help trump -- hacked the dnc, gave that material to wikileaks, smuggled dolls into our country -- inside larger dolls. diabolical. ( laughter ) diabolical. turns out, the most effective thing they did was change public opinion through social media because senate hearings revealed that russia hired 1,000 people to create anti-clinton 'fake news' in key states during the election. and when i say fake news, this is real fake news, not fake fake news that is real news that donald trump just doesn't like. ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) there is a difference. see, the russians have an internet troll operation that created fake news stories, then spread those stories using a network of hijacked pc's in order to "fool users into believing misinformation by artificially increasing shares and retweets." because if enough people say something is popular, i might trust that it's good. it's like how if one person tells me "transformers" is a good movie, i might not see it, but if everyone on facebook is raving about it, i'll go. and by the time i realize i was lied to, megatron is president. ( laughter ) ( applause ) do not vote for the deseptacon. >> jon: oh, i wouldn't. >> stephen: and according to one former f.b.i. agent, the russians realized trump himself is really susceptible to fake news. so these russian government trolls "tweet at president trump during high volumes when they know he's online, and they push conspiracy theories." that's almost as devious as when putin put on a blond wig and guest hosted fox and friends. ( laughter ) yeah. >> jon: i remember that story. i liked that. i don't know who that is but i like her -- ( laughter ) plus, there's big news from national security advisor and dad who told you not to touch his model airplanes because they're not toys, michael flynn. on thursday, flynn offered to testify before congress in exchange for immunity from prosecution. this looks bad for trump. not as bad as making mike flynn national security advisor but, still, pretty bad. 'cause the question is: "what does he know about donald trump?" and how could it be any worse than what we know about donald trump? and i think the pressure is starting to get to trump because here he is at the beginning of an executive order signing ceremony. it's friday. >> you're going to see some very, very strong results, very, very quickly. thank you very much. >> mr. president, today with your tweet, were you trying to tell the justice department to grant immunity to michael flynn? were you trying to do that, mr. president? was that your intention, mr. president, sir? was that your intention mr. president? was that your intention, sir? ( laughter ) so he didn't sign them? >> he did not sign them. >> he didn't sign them, right? >> stephen: he forgot to sign the executive orders at the executive order signing! ( applause ) oh! he forgot to sign the executive orders at the executive order signing! that's why you're there! it's like going out to dinner and ordering just the check. >> jon: i ain't worried about the food. >> stephen: but it's been a busy few weeks for the president. every day, he gets to work, rolls up his sleeves and gives a new job to jared kushner. ( laughter ) so far, kushner is in charge of brokering mideast peace, negotiating the wall with mexico, tackling america's opioid epidemic, fixing the department of veteran's affairs, handling diplomacy with china, and dyeing the eggs for the white house easter egg hunt. ( laughter ) i'm worried this might be too much for one guy. >> jon: he has a lot. >> stephen: he might need some help. you know, a backup son-in-law. so, tiffany, no pressure, but tic-tock. and this weekend, jared kushner's to-do list got even longer, when he made a surprise visit to iraq. he wanted to go somewhere with less sectarian violence than the white house. ( laughter ) kushner had to make the trip because the state department is a mess. they haven't even hired a spokesperson yet, so the state department has had to cancel their daily press briefings, which have been a fixture since the eisenhower administration. ( audience reacts ) of course, back then the spokesman was howdy doody. ( laughter ) they do have some people working for them because, on friday, the white house made public the financial disclosure forms of about 180 staffers. want to guess which white house staffer's financial disclosures were not included? i'll give you a hint: he's the father-in-law of the most important man in government. the documents revealed that trump adviser omarosa received a $25,000 wedding dress for appearing on the tlc show "say yes to the dress." no word yet on the money sean spicer had to report for his appearance on "toddlers and tiaras." ( laughter ) ( piano riff ) a crowd pleaser. the disclosures also show that spicer owns several rental properties. and you think "your" landlord is a liar. ( laughter ) "hey, sean, our water heater is broken." "no it's not, and, frankly, it's appalling that you would even question the temperature of the water. the water has been outstanding. it is the hottest water in the history of this country. period." ( laughter ) ( applause ) stop shaking your head. stop shaking your head. a judge just ruled trump can be sued for inciting violence against protesters at a campaign rally." ( cheers and applause ) although, i'm really more upset that he incited voting. ( laughter ) the case centers on a campaign rally in kentucky, when protestors were thrown out after trump yelled this -- get 'em out, get 'em out! get 'em out. get outta here. get out! get out. get 'em outta here. get 'em the hell out. get him out. get out! get out. get out! get 'em outta here! oh, get outta here. get outta here. get out! out! out! out! >> stephen: it sounds bad though it is possible he was just describing his immigration plan. get out! get out! get out! ( applause ) ( piano riff ) well, after the rally, the protestors filed a lawsuit "claiming that trump encouraged violence and that they were the targets of racial and sexist slurs." or, as trump calls them, "campaign promises." ( laughter ) we've got a great show for you tonight! jason sudeikis is here! and i'll do a special bonus performance with green day. stick around. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) when you're close to the people you love, does psoriasis ever get in the way of a touching moment? if you have moderate to severe psoriasis, you can embrace the chance of completely clear skin with taltz. taltz is proven to give you a chance at completely clear skin. with taltz, up to 90% of patients had a significant improvement of their psoriasis plaques. in fact, 4 out of 10 even achieved completely clear skin. do not use if you are allergic to taltz. before starting you should be checked for tuberculosis. taltz may increase your risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them. tell your doctor if you are being treated for an infection or have symptoms. or if you have received a vaccine or plan to. inflammatory bowel disease can happen with taltz. including worsening of symptoms. serious allergic reactions can occur. now's your chance at completely clear skin. just ask your doctor about taltz. hey, l'eggo my eggo. now's your chance at completely clear skin. i don't see your name on it. really? ba bam! know the rules. keep your eggo. l'eggo my eggo. okay. a car that can seeltima. what you can't. and the new 2017 nissan rogue. a car that could help stop--- for you. take on the unexpected. nissan rogue and altima, with available intelligent safety shield technologies. >> stephen: welcome back, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) give it up for jon batiste and "stay human" right over there! ( cheers and applause ) jon, you excited about tonight? >> jon: yeah. >> stephen: these people watching at home don't realize they're in for a huge treat because you and i and green day -- >> jon: that's right. >> stephen: -- played a special song two weeks ago when they were here. we did "good riddance, time of your life." we'll do a special performance of that later in the show. ( applause ) now -- my first guest is making his sophomore appearance on the late show. his career stats include "horrible bosses," "hall pass" and "saturday night live." please welcome, from overland park, kansas, jason sudeikis! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: there it is. the big man. >> that's a good feeling. >> stephen: the big man from downtown. >> that's a good feeling. >> stephen: you showed admirable hustle out there. obviously, we're taping at 5:30 tonight and don't know who won the national championship. >> not really. >> stephen: no, we don't likely know. anything you want to say about the team who won before knowing who snifts. >> i mean, just greatly job. great job. ( laughter ) >> stephen: heart. they had heart. they didn't let their brains get in the way. ( laughter ) >> stephen: no, no they did not. >> i think it's odd for us grownups to guess what a bunch of teenage boys are going to do for a half hour before they do it, then they do it for 40 minutes, and then for another half hour we're saying why didn't they do what we wanted thethoughtthey were going to do? >> stephen: you think about teenage boys a lot. ( laughter ) >> i think about a 3-year-old boy a lot right now. >> stephen: oh, you've got a 3-year-old! >> no, why? ( laughter ) > i'm sorry for the northwestern -- what do they call them? wildcats? >> stephen: the victors purple cats! purple and grey. >> stephen: why would you think to have the jay hawk. >> depends on the sign. >> stephen: how big do they get? >> if you feed them well, nine, ten feet. >> stephen: sort of that steve rogers super soldier -- >> some of that good stuff. that and the ice cream. >> stephen: what were you going to say about jennifer esposito. >> why do you let her steal your thunder about a western grab.

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