Byron, ten years. The best part about being married is single people. Single people always got to let you know how single they is. They cant just be single. They got to stop everything. Let me tell you, i come and go as i please. I am single yeah, you single till you go home to that lonely apartment. Lord, give me a man, give me a man. Any man. I dont know what single people youve been talking to. Are you single . Hell, yes. All right. Im a bachelorette and happy to be a bachelorette. A woman reaches a certain age, they call us an old maid. Im happily single. Im not looking im tired of explaining. A lot of men dont understand that. Shut up. Shut up. Let me tell you. Honey, a guy talked to me the other day, said why dont you have a man . I said im not looking for a man. He said why arent you looking for a man . Are you gay . Why do i have to be gay . Are you . Why cant i just be sick of yall . Why do i gotta be gay . You know what im saying. Yeah check it out. Now women are making all this noise, their rights. A lot of times when ladies are single theyre like oh, im single. Give me a man give me a weeks worth of men, im cool. Thatll take care of ten years of denzel. How about you . You get along with everybody . Wow, red necks, theyre like the only breed of white people not afraid of black people. You step on their shoelace oh, you stepped on my shoes. Holy schmoly. I have children [ laughter ] you cant talk a red neck out of a fight. No matter how much stuff you talk, hell be like im going to punch you in the chest so hard, and hes like man you aint putting your hands on me. When i call on the phone, you better click over and see what the hell i want. You ever see me fighting a bear you better jump in and help the bear regular white dudes, red neck step on your shoe oh, you stepped on my shoe theyll talk so much. You wonder why you said something in the first place. You cant tie a shoe like a human being. What are you some form of pervert. Are you the missing link between a man and ape . Someone get the smithsonian on the line. I want my reeward. [ laughter ] [ applause ] were going to take a break. Dont go away. To find out how to be part of hey, you forgot the milk thats lactaid®. Right. 100 real milk just without the lactose. So you can drink all you want. With no discomfort . Exactly. Here, try some. Mmm, it is real milk. See . Delicious. Hoof bump oh. Right here girl, boom lactaid®. 100 real milk. No discomfort. And for a tasty snack thats 100 real dairy try lactaid® cottage cheese. Ah, push it. Push it. P. Push it real good ow oooh baby baby. Baby baby. If youre saltnpepa, you tell people to push it. Push it real good. Its what you do. Ah. Push it. If you want to save fifteen percent or more on Car Insurance you switch to geico. Its what you do. Ah. Push it. Im pushing. Im pushing it real good haircolor inspired by the legendary brunette of sophia loren. Discover legendary brunettes from loreal excellence. 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There was just a lady standing there with study. Like you looked like you dropped something. Beep. She just beeped me out of her mouth. We going to have to search you, use a wand on you. Thats cool. I spread my arms out. She came over with the wand. [ laughter ] i have five kids. My wife and i. I have an older daughter. Ive been doing it for years. I got four girls, i got my son, and i want to go on record to america. Every man wants a son. You want a son, come on. I dont care what they say. Every man, every man with a son, give me a hand. My son, a punk tell everybody. A freak my daughter cant make a move without my son telling it. Daddy, daddy. Listen you listen good. I dont give a damn if you get kidnapped. My son was in the living room screaming to the top of his lungs, hey rochelle are you on the tv again . [ laughter ] im sure gonna find out. [ laughter ] [ applause ] how many kids do you have . I got two beautiful daughters, man. Three of them. cause rodneys son told me about the other one. [ laughter ] i got two beautiful daughters, 13yearold, and 4yearold daughters. [ applause ] taylor and zoey. Lost about 25 pounds. My daughter was instrumental in me losing a lot of weight. When she was around 4 months old, i was chubby i was rocking her to sleep, and when i woke up she was sucking on me. [ laughter ] i joined a gym immediately what do you pull your comedy from . I just watch people like college students. Anyone in the country. Take somebody in the school, university of california. Ask them what school they go to. You get a nice quick answer usc, nyu. Ask somebody that go to a community college. You get a much longer response. What school do you go to . What school do you go to . Well see right now [ laughter ] my Financial Aid to come through. Did i tell you my leg is messed up . My leg. Rodneys son tell me about my books. Well be right back. Dont go away. Before allegra, amys allergies made her miss out on the fun. Childrens allegra. Effective, longlasting, nondrowsy relief of their toughest symptoms. After allegra, kids can stop suffering, and start living. Welcome back to comics unleashed hot chocolate. Is everybody a big fan of reality shows . I got a new show in mind. All the women are going to be like outspoken bossy, opinionated women. Thats my new show. Its called what wants to marry this bitch . I took my daughter to Beverly Hills mall. Oh, my gosh. What are you trying to do lose her . No but santa claus, growing up i had no problem with santa claus being black in a mall. But at least dress like youre really santa claus [ laughter ] it was obviously like a pillow north his outfit. He had shades and everything on. And he was acting like some of the requests were preposterous. Santa claus is supposed to be like ho ho ho see how good you are. He was like playstation . Please i cant tell my daughter that theres some real santa clauss and some fake. When she first saw him, she was like why is he so dark . I was like hes been going down a lot of chimneys. [ laughter ] but once i saw how he was interacting with the kids i had to tell her he was the real santa claus. Then i was thinking, am i racist against my own people. But i have a responsibility to my kids. So i have no problem with santa claus being black, but my kids are going to grow up thinking hes a white kid for no other reason than for them to be thinking its cool for a brother to be in a house at night with a bag on his back. Political views . I dont have any. Always trying to pull them out of me. Everybodys like michael junior, are you progay . What . No im not progay. Im not amateur gay either. I didnt even know they had a league. [ laughter ] were going to take a break. Well be right back with more comics unleashed hot chocolate. The answer to treating your dogs fleas and ticks is staring you right in the face. Nexgard, from the makers of frontline® plus. Its the only soft beefflavored chew that kills both fleas and ticks. Vets recommend it. And dogs, well theyre begging for it. Nexgard is for dogs only. And hasnt been evaluated for use in pregnant, breeding or lactating dogs. Reported side effects include vomiting, dry flaky skin diarrhea, lethargy and lack of appetite. Use with caution in dogs with a history of seizures. Recommended by vets. Loved by dogs. From the makers of frontline® plus. Im brian vickers, nascar® driver. Im kevin nealon comedian. And im arnold palmer, professional golfer. Know what we have in common . We talked to our doctors about treatment with xarelto®. Me, when i had a blood clot in my leg that could have traveled to my lungs. Thats why i took xarelto®, too. Xarelto® is proven to treat and help reduce the risk of dvt and pe blood clots. I took xarelto® for afib. An irregular heartbeat that can lead to a stroke from a blood clot. Xarelto® is proven to reduce the risk of stroke in people with afib, not caused by a heart valve problem. Hey, well im glad we got together. For people with afib currently well managed on warfarin there is limited information on how xarelto® and warfarin compare in reducing the risk of stroke. I tried warfarin before, but the blood testing routine and dietary restrictions had me off my game. Tell me about it. Lets see, golf clinic, or blood clinic . Ooh, thats a tough one. Not this time. Not with xarelto®. Anything else . Ill have another arnold palmer. Ok. Make mine a kevin nealon. Really, brian . Hey, safety first. Like all blood thinners, dont stop taking xarelto® without talking to your doctor as this may increase your risk of a blood clot or stroke. While taking xarelto® you may bruise more easily and it may take longer for bleeding to stop. Xarelto® may increase your risk of bleeding if you take certain medicines. Xarelto® can cause serious bleeding and in rare cases may be fatal. Get help right away if you develop unexpected bleeding unusual bruising, or tingling. If you have had spinal anesthesia while on xarelto® watch for back pain or any nerve or musclerelated signs or symptoms. Do not take xarelto® if you have an artificial heart valve, or abnormal bleeding. Tell your doctor before all planned medical or dental procedures. Before starting xarelto® tell your doctor about any conditions such as kidney, liver, or bleeding problems. Xarelto® has been prescribed more than 11 million times in the u. S. And that numbers growing. Like your guys scores. With xarelto® there is no regular blood monitoring, and no known dietary restrictions. Treatment with xarelto® was the right move for us. Ask your doctor about xarelto®. You may be able to get up to 12 months at no cost. Ride away by roy orbison begins to play i ride the highway. Im going my way. I leave a story untold. He just keeps sending more pictures. If youre a freerange chicken you roam free. Its what you do. If you want to save fifteen percent or more on Car Insurance you switch to geico. Its what you do. Two wheels a turnin. I want a new lease on life for my skin. Loreal age perfect cell renewal. Surface skin renewal is accelerated. Millions of new cells surface every day. I can feel it working. Skin looks fresher full of life as if reborn. Loreal age perfect cell renewal. And now, give skin an extra dose of renewing hydration with new age perfect cell renewal oil. Ultra light and fast absorbing. Loreal age perfect cell renewal cream and oil. Youre worth it. Welcome back to comics unleashed hot chocolate. What do you think about california . Everybody here drinks bottled water. Im not paying for the water. Waters free. Dont tell me californias tap water is bad for you. Ive been drinking it since i moved here. Nothings problem with me. Not to mention, ive been drinking the tap water since i moved here. I havent noticed any problems with me. [ laughter ] working out . I have been working out. The thing about it is i realized just last week i realized im a big dude. [ laughter ] big men Walking Around like we still kids. If this used to be abs, if you got one ab youre a big dude. I was on my cell phone, my boys like, dog, are you running . Actually, im standing still. For a man, look at that look at that yeah yeah yeah stop him, stop him, stop him stop it women are going out and buying this damn victoria secret. Most of the men dont care about your underwear. Huhuh, you all want us out of the underwear. You all like to see us for a minute. I went to victorias secret the other day, they had the audacity to have one single pair of panties for 18. Youre supposed to get five pairs for 18. I said look look look i had to ask the lady why. She said they were a very special trim and the padding. I said, lady, is there a penis attached . [ laughter ] for 18, you know, these panties better do me. Give them a round of applause. Great time thanks for joining us. And you as well. Thanks for joining us. Until next eeehfdcac captions by vitac www. Vitac. Com right now on Eyewitness News breaking news. Young children caught in the middle avenue tense standoff. Weve got late details tonight about how they were able to get free. Good evening thanks for staying up late. Im chris may. Im jessica dean. That drama unfolded on 67th avenue in the citys West Oak Lane neighborhood. Todd quinones is on the scene with breaking details. Reporter police say the father of seven children touched off a barricade situation when he came to the front of his home here and waived what appeared to be a gun. It was a dramatic moment when the kids escape out of the house police and swat Team Officers surrounded the home on the 1800 block of 67th avenue. Inside a man who appeared to be armed and seven children. It all started just after 7 00 a dhs worker according to Police Arrived with a court order to remove two children from the home a 10yearold and 12 year old. As the children were leaving police say the father then appeared at the top of the steps waving what was believed to be a handgun. Brandished for her to see obviously to intimidate her and directed those two children to return back into the house. Reporter short while later investigators say the Mother Told Police the 49yearold man apparently fell asleep on the couch. She then directed the oldest child to least others out of the back door. Police then sent in a robot confirm the man was asleep moved in and arrested him. It turns out the gun he was waving according to police was a rep my caber rhett at a. If you were to point that firearm at me, i would fire upon you. And the last thing we want is unnecessary tragedy. Reporter the seven children all were not injured and have since been released back into the custody their mom. Reporting in West Oak Lane, Todd Quinones cbs3 Eyewitness News. News is also breaking tonight in montgomery county. Two people have been found shot at 600 ridge pike in plymouth twb. Investigators believe that both may have been shot elsewhere and then taken to that locate. The victims are hospitalized at this hour. Their condition are not known. Police are looking for a gunman now. Surveillance video catches a glimpse of the van wanted in connection to the chilling abduction of a center city july he store worker. Police say three men snatched the woman as she walked to her car in parking garage saturday afternoon. The victim told authorityies are the men bound, beat and hit her with a taser seven times for the stores keys an pass code. She was dumped in a cemetery. That tack has left the tightit in jewelers Row Community shaken. Shes known my business, my family for years. I just hope that they catch whoever it is. Shes okay. So scared about all of that situation and im hoping nobody, you know, everybody will learn lesson and take precaution about it. The womans employer tells Eyewitness News she is out of the hospital tonight and is recovering at home. What a final four you saw it tonight here on cbs3 duck and wisconsin and its the blue devils winning their fifth national championship. That game was close all the way to the end but the badgers came up just a little short. Two teams swapped the lead 16 times in front of a crowd of more than 71,000 people in indianapolis. In the end it was duke 68 wisconsin 63. And take a look at this video just into Eyewitness News. Theres a celebration. This is the d
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