Will take place this weekend, and not as hillary requested, now. Now lets do it right now [ laughter ] the second president ial debate is this weekend in st. Louis, missouri. Said melania, im already in misery. [ laughter ] im glad we all enjoyed that one. I liked that one, too. [ light laughter ] vicepresident ial debate, both mike pence and tim kaine were criticized for repeatedly making false statements. Thats my boy, said trump and hillary at the exact same time. [ laughter ] vanity fair editor graydon carter, who has been covering donald trump for more than 30 years has released a new article calling trump officially a joke. Specifically a joke that starts a racist, a garbage can, and a tanning bed walk into a bar. Hillary clinton this week and called donald trump appallingly sexist, erratic, secretive, and xenophobic. Said trump, i am not secretive. [ laughter ] and finally, a new poll Shows Hillary clinton leading donald trump among hispanic voters in florida by 24 points. Oh, im sorry, i misread that. 24 million points. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight [ cheers and applause ] hes one of the stars of netflixs the ranch, and an all around great guy, Ashton Kutcher is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] theyre here to discuss the baseball postseason and they are two of our favorite guests here on the show, kevin millar and sean casey from the mlb network. [ cheers and applause ] also, we have an incredible illustrator, hes a cartoonist of new books, i am George Washington and i am jane goodall right there. And hes joining us, chris eliopoulos. Hes gonna teach me how to draw. [ cheers and applause ] very excited you guys. Next week for the first time, late nights going on to the road. Were going to washington, d. C. Where well be doing our show from the warner theater. So please tune in next week. Its our a show were very excited about. Were excited about doing it. Well see how it goes. Before we get on to the rest of this show, for months now, donald trump has been making wild, baseless accusations against hillary clinton. Trump is dragging down the entire Republican Party which at one point oh, here we go yet again. Seth im sorry. What was that . Oh, nothing, just listening to another enlightened broadside against conservatism from the man the New York Times described as the class clown of liberalism. Seth im very sorry everybody, this is one of our writers matt goldich. And as you can probably tell, matt is conservative. Yes. [ light laughter ] seth, im an extremely jewishlooking conservative. [ laughter ] and im here to provide the antidote to the kind of ultra lefty propaganda you spread you know seth, this isnt one of your poetry readings in brooklyn with hugo chavez and gore vidal. Seth matt im pretty sure both of those people are dead. [ laughter ] well, they probably caught whatever hillary has. [ laughter ] seth all right you know what, matt, do you have anything to say . Of course i do, seth. Seth well thats great. I mean, im all for bringing intelligent, conservative voices on the show so people can hear both sides of the issue. Oh, well in that case, its a time for the conservative perspective. . . . . Seth that is an irritatingly long graphics package, matt. [ laughter ] now look, i appreciate that youre a conservative. Im just making a reasonable and noncontroversial defense of hillary clinton. Oh, here we go again seth im sorry, what was that . Oh, nothing. I was just waiting for your reasonable defense of hillary clinton. For the illegal invasion of iraq. Seth okay sorry, everybody. This is another one of our writers sal gentile and as you can probably guess, sal is a progressive. Yes, seth, i am a vaguely jewishlooking but not actually jewish progressive. [ laughter ] and i cant believe you would even consider voting for that war criminal, hillary clinton. But i guess thats not polite to say at your thinktank retreats with william f. Buckley and irving kristol. Seth okay, i know both of seth all right you know what sal, if you have a thoughtful argument youd like to make go ahead and make it. Well in that case, its time for the progressive perspective . Fight the power . [ laughter ] . Fight the power fight the power fight the power . . Fight the power fight the power fight the power . . Weve got to fight the powers that be . . . . Seth again, way too long. [ laughter ] look, i dont know what to tell you two. Donald trump, it seems to me is neither a true conservative nor a progressive. It strikes me that hes an extremely dangerous candidate i disagree seth oh, my god. [ laughter ] who said that . Dont forget about the Electrical College seth. Seth okay, again im sorry everybody, this is another one of our writers, ben warheit. And as you may have guessed, ben is an idiot. [ laughter ] and im also jewish but i havent been to services in four years. Dont tell santa [ laughter ] seth ben what are you doing here . Im here to talk politics, seth. Hillary wants to repeal the second commandment [ laughter ] she wants to take away all our gum. What am i going to do . Go to the mall and buy more gums . Well i cant because trumps going to build a wall in mexico. And hes going to make mexico pay for it. Thanks, osama [ laughter ] seth ben, what are you talking about . What youre saying doesnt make pumonia from hillary. [ laughter ] seth its pronounced pneumonia, ben. Wrong [ laughter ] seth im here to provide a new voice on your show. Seth yeah . [ laughter ] [ light laughter ] yeah, what you want to know what it was . Seth yes all right. [ laughter ] well now its time for the idiots perspective. [ laughter ] . [ laughter and applause ] . . . [ laughter ] . . . [ laughter ] that was awesome. I know. I mean, he really seems like an idiot. But that was a pretty sweet graphics package. Seth ben, why would you edit yourself into a long elaborate graphics package that shows what an idiot you are . Ha well, uh this has been the idiots perspective. . . Seth no, no, no right. Because this has been the progressive perspective. . Seth no, no cut off these graphics package. Seth, i think what youre trying to say is that this has been the conservative perspective. [ laughter ] . Seth stop it, stop it screw all three of you guys, youre the worst. Well be right back with more late night. [ cheers and applause ] an Opening Night on broadway is kind of magic. Im beowulf boritt and im a broadway set designer. When i started designing a bronx tale the musical, i came up. With this idea of four towers that were fire escapes. Essentially. Ill build a little model in photoshop and add these. Details in with a pen. I could never do that with a mac. I feel like my job is. To put out there just enough detail to spur the audiences. Imagination to fill in all the blanks. This windows pc is amazing, having all of my tools. Right at my finger tips is incredible. . . . . . I got it, dad. Ow so we made the Nest Protect Smoke and Carbon Monoxide alarm. It speaks up and can alert your phone if theres a problem. Or let you know if everything is just fine. Because, ya know, we worry. . . Sing girl, come on. . [ singing ] . Sorry, ariana you gotta go. Seriously . Verizon limits me and i gotta get home. Youre gonna choose navigation over me . Umm. That way. Girl you better get on tmobile why pay more for data limits . Introducing tmobile one, unlimited data for everyone. I was out here smoking instead of being there for my sons winning shot. That was it for me. Thats why im quitting with nicorette. Only nicorette mini has a patented fast dissolving formula. It starts to relieve sudden cravings fast. Every great why needs a great how. Alright, did you know i was the mommy slam dunk champion . Really . Yes, really dont sound so surprised. Lets see it oh youre ready. Alright, here we go. Lets hear the crowd. Ahhhh i go to the right. I go to the left. Fake em out. Mama go up, up, up she did it. Again . You cant avoid gravity. But unitedhealthcare can help you avoid financial surprises by helping you compare costs and doctor quality ratings. Unitedhealthcare . [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back everybody. Please, give it up for the 8g band right over there. [ cheers and applause ] also, hes been here all week with the 8g band. From the seminal funk and jazz band galactic, stanton moore, everybody. [ applause ] also, stanton Just Launched his new online drum lesson site so be sure to visit stantonmoredrumacademy. Com for personalized instruction from thank you so much for another great week, stanton. Thanks for having me. [ applause ] seth as you know, the first vicepresident ial debate was held tuesday at longwood university. But what you may not know is that the second one is being held right here, right now. Thats right, i invited senator tim kaine and governor mike pence to our studio, theyre here and ready to go. So without further ado, the late night vicepresident ial debate. . [ applause ] seth welcome to l night vicepresident ial debate. Im your moderator, seth meyers. At this time, wed like to welcome the candidates to the stage. [ cheers and applause ] lets get started, gentlemen. I begin with you, governor pence. The first question in the most positive terms you can come up with, how would you describe the Trump Campaign at this point . Literally spinning out of has had her struggles as well. How do you think we ended up with the two most unlikable president ial candidates in modern history . I guess were stupid. [ laughter ] seth governor pence, what should americans do if donald trump is elected president . I would hope and frankly i would pray. Seth good idea. [ laughter ] senator kaine, you seem like a good guy. But what would you say if a bunch of rowdy teens stole your minivan . Go ahead, folks, enjoy yourselves. [ laughter ] governor pence, do you really think your campaign can succeed with such a racist and misogynistic message . It worked in the 1960s. [ audience ohs ] seth oh, yeah, it did. Excellent point. Senator kaine, what do you like to do for fun . Work hard, pay taxes, and play by the rules. Seth and, how is that stick up your ass treating you . It is so painful. [ laughter ] seth governor pence, where did you first meet the trump [ laughter ] seth senator kaine, what do you think god was thinking when he created you . I want to make this very plain. [ light laughter ] seth governor pence governor pence, a very serious question what do you think of these . Thats small potatoes [ laughter ] seth thats absolutely right. Senator kaine, you get a hot dog, you put a little ketchup on it, do you do anything else . And i relish that roll. [ laughter ] seth that pun didnt cut the mustard. [ laughter ] we like dad jokes [ applause ] governor pence, whats the 7 1 2 years. [ laughter ] seth governor pence, what do you think . Does this look good . [ light laughter ] governor pence, youre doing a great job tonight, way better than donald trump did last week. Wrong. [ laughter ] seth i didnt realize you were here. I apologize. Seth senator kaine, some say that mike pence wasnt Donald Trumps first choice for his running mate. Who do you think turned him down . Vladimir putin, kim jong un, muammar gaddafi, and saddam hussein. [ laughter ] seth governor pence, i heard you ran into some trouble with a cashier this week while you were trying to pay for some dockers with your kohls cash. She said they were irredeemable. [ laughter ] seth senator kaine, whats the craziest thing you learned from your Intelligence Briefings . [ laughter ] seth one last thing. Hey, governor pence, check this out. You whipped out that mexican thing again. [ light laughter ] [ applause ] seth thats what you call a long walk for a joke. [ light laughter ] well it looks like were out of time. So on behalf of the candidates, well be right back with Ashton Kutcher. [ cheers and applause ] . . Before taking his team to state for the first time. Gilman go get it, marcus. Go get it. Coach gilman used his cash rewards credit card from bank of america to earn 1 cash back everywhere, every time. At places like the batting cages. . [ crowd cheers ]. Which helped him give his players something extra. The cash rewards credit card from bank of america. More cash back for the things you buy most. The cash rewards credit card from bank of america. My goal was to finally get in shape. Severe chronic plaque psoriasis. So i made a decision to talk to my dermatologist about humira. Humira works inside my body to target and help block a specific source of inflammation that contributes to my symptoms. In clinical trials, most adults taking humira were clear or almost clear, and many saw 75 and even 90 clearance in just 4 months. Humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. Blood, liver, and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. Before treatment, get tested for tb. Tell your doctor if youve been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if youve had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flulike symptoms or sores. Dont start humira if you have an infection. Ask about humira, the 1 prescribed biologic by dermatologists. Clearer skin is possible. We dance on the salsa team together, and its like a lot of power in what we wear. I dont look good. T. J. Maxx has that variety. I can get a lot for my money. Its like yay t. J. Maxx if youre feeling it, just go for it, dont wait. Woah youre not taking those. Woah, woah youre not taking that. Come with me. Youre not taking that. Youre not taking that. Youre not taking that. Mom, im taking the subaru. Dont be late. Even when were not there to keep them safe, our Subaru Outback will be. . [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back, everybody. Our first guest tonight is a talented actor who you know from the hit Television Shows such as two and a half men, punkd and that 70s show. New episodes of his latest series the ranch are available to stream on netflix starting friday. All im saying is john elway is smart, hes handsome, hes in just excellent shape. I could do a lot worse. [ laughter ] dude, you are not getting with number 7, john elway, okay . Youre not even getting with peyton manning. I mean, maybe eli manning. [ laughter ] you couldnt even get with cooper manning. Oh, right, yeah, yeah. Because if Cooper Mannings on tinder and he sees the rooster hes going to swipe left. [ laughter ] i always liked terry bradshaw. [ laughter ] seth please welcome to the show, our friend, Ashton Kutcher [ cheers and applause ] . Here. How we doing . Seth were doing good. Good. Good, good. Seth we were talking backstage, you got yourself a 2yearold daughter. Yeah. Seth your wife mila speaks russian. Yes. Seth and your daughter speaks russian, yes . Shes learning russian. Seth shes learning russian. She has english down. Seth gotcha. Like she can speak and understand english. She can speak and understand spanish and she can understand russian but she cant really speak it yet. Seth but you actually you went the extra mile. You tried to learn a little russian for the purpose of milas grandparents basically only speak russian. Seth got it. So i took six months of russian to understand what they were saying. Because russians a very aggressive language. Seth sure, yeah. [ laughter ] like it doesnt matter what you say it sounds like theyre yelling. [ shouting in russian ] and its like, oh thats a beautiful pencil. But you dont know. [ laughter ] everything sounds really aggressive. And i thought they really didnt like me and were really upset. So i learned it just so i can and it turns out, theyre just like, we love you so much [ laughter ] seth thats great. [ shouting in russian ] its aggressive. But now i got it. Know i know. Seth thats very nice to learn. They love me. Seth you have another one coming, you said a couple months away. Yeah. Seth do you know what youre having . Yes. Seth so you have a daughter and what do you have in second . We havent told anyone, were having a boy. Seth oh, congratulations [ cheers and applause ] thats very exciting. Yes. Seth thats great news. Yes. I was actually i was hoping for a girl. Seth okay. Because first of all our first girl is unbelievable. But also i figured if we had a girl second she might give me one more shot to have a boy. Seth oh i see. And now i dont know. Seth you think shes going to cut you off at two. Its even money, she might cut me off. I want like 12 of them. [ laughter ] and so we havent discussed it yet. Were not into it. So this isnt a tabloid argument at all. In the least bit. Were very excited and very happy. Is six months old, my boy. And my wife is shes finally telling me like, hey, watch your language around is that happening to you . You dont have to worry about that yet as far as im concerned. When she hit like a year and half and we woke up one morning and had a new dog. Which by the way, dont get a new dog when you have a baby. [ laughter ] and anyway, the new dog like peed on the stairwell. And im like getting ready in the morning and milas like, oh, ricky peed on the stairwell and im like [ bleep ] ricky. And im walking and my daughters right behind me and all the sudden i just hear [ bleep ] ricky. [ laughter ] and im like no, no, no papa didnt say that. Papa said fox, papa said fox. Rickys like a wiley fox. [ laughter ] and then, maybe i got off and she turns around and theres like a hole in the carpet where the dog had chewed a hole in the carpet and she just points at it and so i think ive got her convinced that its fox now. Seth right. Im pretty sure she thinks its fox. Seth i still think the problem is you know, if shes in kindergarten and says to her teacher, fox you, shes still in trouble. I dont know, i think i can get away with a fox you. Seth okay, got you, you think you can get away with fox you. Maybe. Its a very progressive school. [ laughter ] seth do you remember when we first met when you were hosting snl, you were somebody who always i felt like was ahead of the curve as far as tech went. And you actually went on a Technology Delegation to russia in 2010 . Yeah. Seth and this was an obama delegation. Well it was when hillary was in the state department and she was actually making an efforts to bridge the gap with russia. Actually medvedev was still in, and so there was an opportunity and opening there. So they thought that like sending folks from the private sector over and trying to like find out how we could work with russia in building private companies together is good groundwork in order to build a line of communication. By the way it was like me, and a bunch of ballers, like real life ballers. Not like actor ballers, like actually Business People