Transcripts For KTNV Nightline 20160226 : comparemela.com

KTNV Nightline February 26, 2016

Will be right back. This is a special edition of nightline. Good evening. The statistics nothing short of alarming. Reports of Sexual Assault on campus too numerous to ignore. Yet so many cases remain unreported. And unresolved. In the often toxic mix of heavy drinking and hookup culture. At the core of so many cases the question of consent. Can consent be defined . Can teaching students how to put it into practice prevent lives from being destroyed . Well meet with several people tonight who believe it can. Tove danovich says her nightmare began after a late night out when she decided to crash at a futon with a guy she used to date. We had all met up. We decided to go out for the evening. At some point later in the evening i woke up and felt him having sex with me. Reporter the then 19yearold, a freshman attending college in new york city, says she was frozen in shock. Staying silent through the slept just a few feet away. Youre just paralyzed by not knowing how to react to whats going on. I didnt know what to do about it. I didnt really want to make a scene. I just pretended to be asleep. Reporter toves experience points to the oftencomplicated and misunderstood ways people react during a Sexual Assault. If anyone had ever asked me, if someone has sex with you and you dont want them to have sex with you, will you stop them from doing that . The answer would have 110 been, yes. Then when the situation actually arose, that was not my response to it. People talk about fight or flight all the time without realizing that the third piece is, freeze. It kicks in when were in a situation where we believe we cannot escape. Reporter its not uncommon in the most typical kind of college Sexual Assault, acquaintance rape. According to a sweeping survey of 27 universities, more than 1 in 5 female undergrads were misconduct. Its on us. Reporter were seeing a growing tide of advocacy from highprofile personalities. To get in the way before it happens reporter and lady gaga with her song it can happen to you speaks to the trauma of victims. It can happen to you happen to you reporter theres also student advocacy. No means no its okay. Can i put my hand here . Yes. Reporter a big push toward prevention awareness campaigns attempting to clarify sexual consent. Silence does not equal consent. When shes too drunk to function, its rape. Reporter there are new apps designed to record partners consent. Yes. Reporter add drinking to the mix and it complicates things even more. Alcohol or drugs are involved in cases. He had purchased strawberitas for me to drink. Reporter molly morris said she quickly became too out of it to give consent. She was a student at the university of chattanooga hanging out at a party with a classmate corey mock when she suddenly felt sick. I was throwing up. Feeling really dizzy. Could not feel my arms or legs. Reporter next thing she knew she blacked out. The next morning i woke up. And i was completely naked. In the sheets at the base of the bed. He was at the top of the bed. I basically sat up and had like just completely disorientation. All that was going through my brain is, i need to get out. Reporter unlike tove she says she immediately defined it as rape and filed a report with the school saying corey, a wrestler on the school team, forced himself on her when she was in no condition to consent. The person that i was two years ago today is not even close to being the person that i am now. I now have depression streaks, its on his record, his life is ruined. Reporter there is another side to this. C. D. Mock is coreys father and he says his son was completely blindsided by the accusation. He was blown away, he didnt know how to react. He just didnt that wasnt what he expected. Reporter corey, who declined to be interviewed, told his father he remembered the night very differently and that he and morris had consensual sex. Would i ever think that my son would be involved in Sexual Assault . Absolutely not. Reporter c. D. Mock says his family is financially and emotionally drained from the fallout of what he says is the almost Impossible Task of proving consent. Where does consent start and where does it end, i dont know. Lets remember, were dealing with young people. Many of them who are very inexperienced. Theres alcohol around without supervision. Reporter the university initially dismissed the charges against corey. Then weeks later reversed that ruling. Finding him responsible. Said the school improperly shifted the burden of proof. Corey was cleared. But by then c. D. Says the damage was done. Youre labeled a rapist. You cant be with anyone of the opposite sex. All the Court Documents are here reporter molly says she feels damaged too, still maintaining she could not have consented and that it was rape. Life after the assault is not even close to being what it could have been. Nothings the same. At all. A lack of a no is not a yes. Reporter ian tolino at university of maryland is a peer educator, known as consent bro, part of a growing effort at universities across the country explicitly teaching consent. If somebodys assaulted they could just not say anything. Reporter the idea that consent must be explicitly obtained before and during sex. We talk about what consent is in terms of action and in terms of verbal consent, nonverbal consent. Even made consent a legal requirement at their public universities. What qualifies as an ongoing consent . Nobody knows. Nobody can answer that question. Reporter all of this is highly controversial and complicated. Is it even realistic . It seems very black and white. In practice its a lot more difficult than that. Reporter so we brought together tove danovich, c. D. Mock, and other unique voices to talk about consent on campus. When we come back, what they have to say. You consider that victim blaming . Yes. 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So come in while it lasts. If you could see your cough, its just a cough. Youd see how often you cough all day and so would everyone else. New robitussin 12 hour delivers fast, powerful cough relief that lasts up to twelve hours. New robitussin 12 hour cough relief. Were here at Penn State University with an outspoken mix of people to tackle the complex issue of consent on campus. Dr. Cheryl errit, 20 Years Experience of treating victims of trauma. C. D. Mock, concerned father and former College Wrestling coach. Kimberly represented 60 students in college Sexual Assault complaints. Ian tolino, peer educator known as consent bro. Tove danovich who says she was assaulted as a college student. Dr. Gail stern, consent advocate whose improv troupe travels the country teaching consent through scenarios like this. According to sources you are accused of raping a fellow student amy. I admit i had sex with this girl but i did not rape her. Reporter these actor educators perform skits like this hundreds of times a year. Amy alleges she was raped in your room at a party. She said you forced herself on her and she struggled but you pinned her arms down and had sex with her even after she said i want to start by thanking the people of penn state. Obviously penn state considers the idea of consent on campus an important priority, which is why were here today. Lets start with this idea that its easy as a concept to bring up consent, but in reality, thats a very difficult bar. Its not clear to anyone how many yess are enough, how many actions are enough to constitute consent. The fact that we come at it from this perspective where it is yes or no makes it difficult on both sides. Its so confusing. I would speak more as a coach now. Just in talking with my guys. Theyre thoroughly confused. These are not rapists. The girl consents to kissing. So do i stop kissing five seconds later and say, okay, can i kiss your neck . Its very, very confusing. I know i know that it can seem very confusing. We have this idea that male sexualitys like a freight if you were at a girls house and something were going on and guy go sorry, im a freight train. Would he be across the room pulling his clothes on . Consent really does need to be gotten at every single step. If the incentive is strong enough, people can stop. Have you ever worked with men who expressed surprise that theyve learned theyve crossed this line . Well, yeah. They may not realize what theyve done is rape even though its still rape. I dont think they fully grasp the idea of consent, which is so gray, as weve talked about. Reporter clarifying consent is what Catharsis Productions aims to do via these improv scenarios where a young man has been accused of rape. Were having a blast, laughing, talking. She was hanging all over me. And my buddy jeff made the usual was plowing through. It was really loud with the music and all the people. Shes the one who suggested we go somewhere where she could hear me better. I walked her up to my room. She smiles but stumbles and grabs me for balance. I pull her up, she starts kissing me. Next thing i know we were having sex. Thats pretty much what happened. Great. Does anyone have any questions for aaron . Did you assume that just because she said she would like to go somewhere else that that meant that a possibility of any Sexual Activity like im the only one making that assumption . When she said stop what went through your head . I started to try to take off her clothes but she kind of pushes me back and says, whoa, take it easy, stop. I start kissing her again. This time she didnt do anything to stop me. Do you think she may not have been able to stay stop again after the first time because of intoxication . She chose to drink everything, i didnt force on it her. Start with the issue of consent and alcohol. Are we saying if youre tipsy you cannot give consent . Yes, and were saying if cannot get consent. I feel like if alcohol wasnt involved, the answers would be a lot more clear cut. Youre suggesting we ban alcohol on campus . As a college student, honestly, i think there should be stricter policies for it. We are entering into a place where a gray area is becoming the majority of these situations. To be clear, the scenario we depicted, they werent equally drunk. This isnt a gray area. He used it in that instrumental predatory way. 90 of my cases involved the use of alcohol by one or both parties. Maybe you dont have sex with somebody if you know theyve been drinking even one drink. Personal rule. Reporter during their freshman year an alarming 15 of women were raped while incapacitated from alcohol or drugs, according to a recent survey. I know im going to get mauled for this. Im a father of a daughter also. And with respect to alcohol, i responsibility of accountability that goes with the female as much as the male. So dont go into a frat at 2 00 in the morning. Dont go into a place alone where theres a bunch of guys drinking and play drinking games. To me as a dad, these are commonsense things that i think get lost in this discussion because were afraid that were being sexist. I dont see that as sexist. Ian, i saw you shaking your head. Shifting responsibility to a specific party, especially the one whos the majority victimized, i think is just not true. You consider that victim blaming . Yes. I consider that being a responsible parent. It means that every woman has to see every man as a potential threat. And i cant buy that. In terms of responsibility, im responsible for what i do when im drinking. Im not responsible for what other People Choose to do to me when im drinking. At least screamed. I want to get at another issue, she didnt fight back. If she would have screamed or said something. Many, many women go into freeze mode during a rape. And its a survival tactic. From a victims perspective i was somebody who at the time neither said yes nor did i say no. When i was being sexually assaulted. And that made it very difficult for a number of years to actually be able to define me qualified as Sexual Assault. Reporter a recent study shows that men and women tend to view these cues differently. Most men read body language for consent. But very few women give consent that way. So can consent be nonverbal . Yeah, we all know that. But we all have different body languages. So really whats the easiest, clearest way to get consent . Is to make it verbal. Ask for it. When somebody kisses someone what that is consent for . Consent for kissing, right. I was wondering what you think about these consent apps that have been made. Because i think theyre creepy. So creepy. Arent they . Yes. And not effective at all. Yeah, well, thats the thing. Those things are absolutely null and void because if somebody were to give someone consent at 9 05 and then 9 10 rolls around, they decide to change their mind, thats the thing with consent, its active, in the right now if youre in a College Campus in that skit he gets consent. 30 seconds later she changes her mind. And she goes in and accuses him of Sexual Assault. Theres not going to be hes going to be kicked out of school immediately. Because due process has gone out the window for young men. We need to be careful here. You are guilty until you prove yourself innocent. Which is the way it is today. Do you know the history of whats happened when historically, for many, many, many years, when women who were raped came forward the victim being blamed. What youre saying is women have been mistreated for many, many years, which is true. So now lets go get the guys. No. Thats what i heard you just say. I dont mean to be rude there is no epidemic of false accusation. There is an epidemic of unreported rapes and of women who are not disclosing. I dont dispute from are plenty of rapes that go unreported. And thats horrible. Lets not try to fix this problem by creating a whole new group of victims. The lifelong impact on your education career, career employment, job opportunities, are going to be impacted for the rest of your life. You will always have that label. As sexual predator. The only thing thats really going to fix this is for this country to get back to its moral culture. Hookups werent always there. I have to agree with you to some extent that i think that the hookup culture is a result of the loosened moral fabric of society. I think that we dont teach young men the right principles anymore. If i can be very frank, i think we need to make sober sex cool again. I think that just people, they let inhibitions loose when theyre drunk. Theres a question back here. As someone whos dealt with this multiple times in her life, i have a question just about when do women feel like they can go into places and not be afraid of the men that they spend time with . Thank you for your courage. In sharing that. When its acquaintance rape it can make you doubt your own ability to tell whos okay, whos safe, who isnt. People can get better. So get help and talk to somebody. What kind of solutions would you point towards . Be a bystander, help your friends. Were all in this together. If you see something, say something. You could really be saving an enormous amount of pain. If you learn the value that people are human beings and deserving of respect, we can beat this. We certainly hope youll weigh in too as we continue the conversation on our Nightline Facebook page and twitter. Edition of nightline, consent tune into gma first thing tomorrow. As always were online 24 7 at good night, america. Ok. Now on ok tv. Adeles big night at the british grammys. 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