I had a fun night. My wife and i took our daughter jane trickortreating for the first time and she loved it. Shes probably going to make us go again tonight she loved it so much. Sad thats not to say she was good at it, she was not good at it. After every house she wanted to spread the candy out and eat it. Other children climbing over her. Once she had seven pieces of candy she said, okay, ive had enough. Which is sweet but shes going to g country, we might have to move to sweden. All they give out there is fish, she should be okay. I also think after watching whats going on last night we need to institute an age limit for trick or treating. Once you hit puberty, no more m ms, thats it. [ cheers and applause ] its ridiculous. From now on, if the voice saying the words trick or treat is lower than mine, im closing the door. This is a good costume. You know what that is, guillermo . Guillermo you and me. Jimmy thats us, yeah. Put that up again there for a second. Really take that in. [ cheers and applause ] when you were a little boy growing up in mexico did you ever imagine a woman would be dressed like you in chicago . Guillermo never. Jimmy its miraculous. This is a crazy thing that happened last night to one of our producers here at the show, harrah and her husband took their baby trick or their neighborhood in encino, gone about a half hour. They put one of those bowls of candy out. When they came back the bull full of candy was empty. In a half hours time it had been december mated. They looked at their Security Camera for the video. This is the video. You see this car pulled up. Im not sure what kind of car that is. Looks like a pretty nice car. A kid gets out. Very husky young man gets out. We blurred it out. Takes the whole bowl. Takes everything but the pumpkins. Gets back in the car with what i assume is his mother or father. And they speed away. That takes some real malted milk balls there. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy shame on the entire family. By the way, if you have a video like this, i bet a lot of people do with the cameras, send it to me. This makes me crazy. I will raise awareness o menace. [ laughter ] last night after she went to sleep i was going through my daughters candy bucket. You have to check these things. I found should go that upset me, not just as a father. I found something that upset me in my capacity as your future Vice President of the United States. [ cheers and applause ] my fellow americans. A problem that the other candidates are either too scared or too wrapped up with their emails and ladygrabbing to even bring up. This, as you know, is a tootsie roll. Youve seen them, youve eaten them, theyre good. Halfway between chocolate and a toy. The tootsie roll has been around since 1907. Its cute. Its friendly. It takes three days to get out of your teeth. It really is the perfect halloween candy. Which makes you wonder why do we also have this slightly larger tootty roll . Who is this for . Are there people who are still hungry after one tootsie roll but not quite hungry enough to eat two of the little ones . While were at it ive unwrapped this one. What is with this . This is an extrathick tootsie roll with lines on it. Why lines . Did they grill this . I assume the reason this roll has lines is so you can eat break off and eat a section at a time. Which is puzzling because if you just want to eat one piece, why not just eat the original tootsie roll in the first place . Its about the same size as one of the chunks. And you dont have to wrap it back up. And then after that you got this tootsie roll. This is the long, skinny tootsie roll. Its basically two or three regular tootsie rolls rolled out to look like a slim jim or something. So theres the regular tootsie roll, the slightly larger, the big fat tootsie roll, the long skinny tootsie roll. Then this tower of tootsie. [ cheers and applause ] which is more tootsie and roll than any human should ever consume in one sitting. Heres the thing, though. We are being asked to decide between five different versions of exactly the same thing. I dont know about you but i aint got time for that. When i am Vice President , well have one size of tootsie roll, the original, the size that jesus ate [ cheers and applause ] its time to stop the madness. Its time to make the tootsie roll small again. Whos with me on this . [ cheers and applause ] sorry, i get carried away sometimes. Anyway. Election day is one week away. I know, i wish it could go longer too. [ laughter ] its coming tuesday. Things are looking up for donald trump. According to a new abc News Washington post poll, for the First Time Since may trump is leading Hillary Clinton by 1 , neck and neck. Hes going to be so pissed if he wins this thing. [ laughter ] hes threatening to move to canada. Trump is getting around. He was in michigan yesterday. New mexico over the weekend. Where we slowed him down for tonights edition of drunk donald trump. [ tape playing slowly ] since what are they having, an alarm over there . What happened . Is that an alarm going on . Jimmy its a breathalyzer alarm. Not only is drunk donald trump fun, hes also fun when you speed him up for tonights still planning to build a wall themed installment of cokedup trump. [ tape playing fast ] we will build the wall mexico will pay for the wall theyll be happy to do it mexicos making a fortune off United States we have tremendous trade deficits with mexico theyll be very happy to pay for the wall trust me rely on me do you think i can do it folks . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy sounds like you can do it by the end of the week. Digital times. President bush, set to leave office in january, when he does hes planning to turn all his social media accounts over to his successor. So the potus twitter account will go to whoever wins the election. Just what donald trump needs, another twitter account. If Hillary Clinton wins bill will assume control of the white house tinder account. [ cheers and applause ] i know what you really came for. Taking halloween candy away from children. This is our sixth year of doing this. And for the first time in those six years, i have a trickortreater living in my house. My daughter turned 2 in july. We dressed her as a monkey and went around the block. She was very excited about the candy even though she doesnt know the difference between lollipops and upon lollipops and popsicles. Jane was happy, woke up in a snippy mood, shes at the age time to tell her i ate all her halloween candy. [ audience moaning ] jimmy wait a minute. Your reaction confuses me. But heres how that went. Hey, jane. Youre already in a bad mood . No. Jimmy its about to get worse. Its not. Jimmy hey, jane. No. Jimmy do you remember when we went trickortreating last night . Yeah. Jimmy that was fun, right . Yeah. Jimmy do you remember all the candy we got . Jimmy well. Daddy ate all of it. No. Jimmy yeah. He didnt. Jimmy yeah. He did. I ate all your halloween candy. No. Jimmy yeah. Dirt in it. Jimmy it has dirt in it . Theres a little bit of dirt in there. Jane, youre missing the point. No. Jimmy its not about the dirt. This. Jimmy jane. This. Jimmy your father ate all jimmy yeah. No. Jimmy and it was delicious. Its not. Jimmy when you dressed as a monkey last night no. Jimmy you werent . I not jimmy you were, yeah. Are you going to contradict everything i say . No. Jimmy youre not . No, i want i want pancakes. All right, those i can get you. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy ill try again next year. When we come back, children will shriek. The full results of our sixth annual halloween candy youtube challenge, so stick around, well be right back [ cheers and applause ] . . Honey. Our turn . Yeah, we go left right here. woman vo Great Adventures are still out there. Well find them in our subaru outback. avo love. Its what makes a subaru, a subaru. . Discover card. Im not a customer, but im calling about that credit scorecard. Free at at discover. Com creditscorecard, cheering on tv you may write me down in history, with your bitter, twisted lies. You may trod me in the very dirt, but still like dust, i rise. You can shoot me with your words. S. You can kill me with your hatefulness. But still, like air. Narrator the target. Seniors. Danny tarkanian set up thirteen Fake Charities that preyed on vulnerable seniors. Fronts for telemarketing schemes. The scams Danny Tarkanian helped set up. Jacky rosen has always led with integrity. In congress, jacky rosen will protect seniors and strengthen social security. And jacky rosen will always be responsible with your tax dollars. Jacky rosen im jacky rosen and i approved this message. Welcome back. Jake gyllenhaal, Hailee Steinfeld, music from keith urban on the way. This morning the nation woke up to the sound of tears hitting the bottoms of empty candy buckets and that is thanks to a tradition we have on this show where you encouraged parents to pretend their ate owl their kids halloween candy and record it. Thousands of parents did. We have a downtrodden group of young men who had to sit through as many of these videos as they possibly could before the sho started tonight. We got more submissions than ever. We whittled them down to the cream of the crying crop. Here it is, sixth annual hey jimmy kimmel i told my kids i ate all their halloween candy. Mommy and i were watching a movie. And we ate all of your candy. No step up. Look at it again. We ate all of your halloween candy. Theres no more left. What happened . What . My candys gone i ate it all ha ha ha ha i ate all your halloween candy. What . I ate all your halloween candy. Youre just joking. Nope, i ate it all. Arggh no i ate it all. No yep. No i hate you all the candy that we worked so i ate some too. Oh, i just wanted to let you know i ate all your candy. Huh . I ate all your halloween candy. Dont cry. Im not. My eyes are just sad. Dont be sad. Im not. Im sorry i ate all your candy. My eyes are just watering. I candy. You guys, im really sorry. I dont like you you dont like us anymore . No im sorry. Its okay. Do you still love me . Of course i do. We ate all your halloween candy. Its all gone. Are you mad at us . Nope. Ill get the bag and well get candy. Do you forgive sinus. Yeah. It was really yummy candy. I bet it was really yummy. We ate all your halloween candy. Next time we go trickortreating you dont do that, okay . Or ill have to spank your butt and put you in your room. Jimmy kimmel told us to. I dont like you, you should be in jail i was really hungry and i ate all your candy. No, n r, you idiot i was hungry. I had to go to work. Were sorry. Are you mad at us . I dont want to look at you. You dont want to look at me . No. Hey, buddy, guess what . I dont want to look at you. Look at me. Im just kidding. I dont want to look at you im just we didnt eat it. I dont want to look at you okay. Waah [ bleep ] jamieson, you cant talk like that. I ate all your halloween candy last night. Its jimmy kimmel. Its jimmy kimmel. Its not jimmy kimmel. Youre hiding the candy, ive candy . No, i ate it all. Well, im not mad. Im not im not happy, but im i still love you. You still love me . Youre not happy but you still love me . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy all right there you go. Thank you, parents. Sorry, kids. Tonight on the show we have music from keith urban, Hailee Steinfeld is with Jake Gyllenhaal so stick around [ cheers and applause ] . Dicky portions of Jimmy Kimmel Live brought to you by green giant. Swap in more veggies with new green giant veggie toss. With all of the shenanigans Danny Tarkanians pulled in nevada helping set up Fake Charities used to scam nevada seniors, failing to pay thousands in property taxes, losing 17 million in a failed development scheme, taxpayers with the bill imagine the shenanigans tarkanian would pull in washington. Its why we cant afford tarkanian in congress, ever. Dccc is responsible for the content of this advertising. Im Catherine Cortez masto and i approve this message. I dont know what i said, ahh, i dont remember. Narrator and joe heck says i have high hopes well see donald trump become president. There was blood coming out of her eyes, blood coming out of her wherever. Narrator heck says he completely supports trump. I love war in a certain way. Narrator and heck . Reporter do you trust him having his finger on the Nuclear Button . Heck i do. Reporter why do you say that . Heck why wouldnt i . Narrator donald trump and joe heck. Wrong for nevada. Jimmy welcome back to the program. Tonight from the new movie the edge of seventeen Hailee Steinfeld is here. Then his latest album is called ripcord keith urban from the crown royal stage. [ cheers and applause ] you can see keith tomorrow night here on abc on the cmas where hes nominated for four awards, including album of the year. And after that our big cma postshow simulcast from nashville with jessica chastain, willie nelson, justin moore, hologram, and an allcountry music edition of mean tweets. Please join us for all that. Our first guest is an oscar and golden globenominated actor true fact. The only reason he hasnt won yet is they couldnt spell his name on the trophy. His latest is a psychological thriller called Nocturnal Animals. Im here for an interview. For a scholarship at columbia. Columbia . I thought that you were at the university of texas, becoming a great writer. A i mean, i dont i dont think well. I am. Arent you at yale . Becoming a great artist . Graduated yale but im at columbia getting my masters degree. Oh, wow. Art history. Thats great. Listen, do you know anybody else in new york . Just you. Just me, okay. Would you like to go to dinner . Jimmy Nocturnal Animals opened november 23rd. [ cheers and applause ] . Jimmy how are you . Good. How are you doing . Jimmy im doing well. You know, its weird. When i look at you i realize were actually twins. I know. [ laughter ] i felt the same way. Watching you. Except youre really trimmed around the jimmy and theres some other deficiencies i have as well. [ laughter ] how are you doing . Life is good. Jimmy what is Jake Gyllenhaals favorite halloween candy . Huh. Jimmy its not something you have to think about it because you dont want to go home and kick yourself because you didnt mention whats really my favorite . I like a milky way dark or Something Like that. Refined. A refined candy bar. Jimmy a complicated boy. Whoo. But until, you know, i dont know, until i was like 25, they had regular milky way, i suffered through those. Jimmy im with you. All of a sudden the dark. Jimmy i like the dark as well. When they came out with milky way dark it felt like things had changed for the positive. Yeah, its like a miracle. It was, it was. It was like when they invented disposable contact lenses. [ laughter ] i have really bad eyesight, i can just these away at nice . Same thing. Jimmy its true. I went and got laser because i didnt want to deal with the contacts. Milky way darks are lasiks of candy. See . Thats yes love them. Jimmy thats something. How old were you when you stopped trickortreating . Assuming you ever trick or treated in the first place. 35. [ laughter ] jimmy 35 years old. No, no. Legit trick or treating . Like excited by going up to peoples houses and knocking on their door kind of excitement . Probably like 9. Jimmy 9 . 9 years old. Jimmy thats a good age to stop. A little young really in a way. Everything, pretty much. Jimmy you were very, very advanced. Yeah. Jimmy you were doing a musical in new york, i read r. I read very good reviews. Sunday in the park with george. Stephen sondheim. Amazing show. Jimmy you love living in new york . I do, yeah. Jimmy you lived there despite the fact that most celebrities will move out here and live here. I was born here. I was born and raised in los angeles. So its just natural that i would leave and go the other way. Do you know what i mean . Jimmy no. [ laughter ] like it felt natural to me. Jimmy to get away from your family . Actually, i moved towards my family. Everyone moved to new york, they started in new york, came to l. A. , then went back. We all went back to new york. Jimmy i understand. Last time you were here you were talking about a friend, name sa sasquatch as i recall. A boyhood friend . Yeah. Jimmy are you still in occasionally, yeah. When he decides to appear. Jimmy i see. So hes like the elusive bigfoot. Hes really only connected to sports. Sporting events . You watch sports together . Not watch together. Hes connected in one way or another. Through the universe. You know. Sasquatch appears. Like i was at a steelers game when i told you about sasquatch. Sasquatch was there. You know what i mean . Sasquatch doesnt really have to be there, but about sports, whenever sports watching a game, sasquatch is sort of just there. So like if theres any reference to anything sportsrelated, s sasquatch is there. Jimmy sasquatch is an Imaginary Friend . Or is this a real [ laughter ] you can laugh. Thats fine. [ laughter ] i guess you could call him that. I mean, the other day sasquatch appeared on the subway on my way in new york city where i did shoate and he appeared in the form of an interesting exchange. Yeah. No, no, for real. I was on the subway, reading my music, getting ready for the show. This dude whos sitting on the subway came up to me. Hey, you, you Aaron Rodgers . And i was like, no, im not Aaron Rodgers. He was like, come on, aaron im like, im not. He looked on his phone, pictures of aaron ro apparently me. He was like, come on aaron i was like, youre right, you got me. Im aaron. You got me, man. Totally got me. Im a great quarterback. Hes like, youre all right. Go giants [ laughter ] what . And then in that moment it was like sasquatch was with me. Jimmy yeah, right. You know what i mean . Jimmy no, not at all but im going with it. Great. Im really not quite sure ider. Movie. This movie that youre in. Thanks. Jimmy it is not at all what i was expecting. And in fact, the clip i think does not indicate how truly harrowing this film can be at times. And how i mean, you cannot take your eyes off this movie. Yeah. Jimmy it is really something else. The director is tom ford. Its crazy that hes this talented director in the first place because hes a clothing designer. He