Transcripts For KRNV Today 20160206

Such lovely grownup daughters. What do you girls do . Well, were models. Yes, i model coats. I model dresses. I model undies. Im not working. I dont blame you. audience laughs [june] whos this . Does he live here . Oh, yes, thats my son ronnie. girls gasp isnt he handsome . He is nice. [all] real nice. audience laughs well, just put your things up in the guest room at the head of the stairs. The housell be a little crowded, so ill figure out where to put my husband later. audience laughs girls chattering well, now mrs. Burns, the reason im going to san diego is because i feel that my daughters need a mother. Now my cousin wrote me from down there that theres a little widow who is just as anxious to remarry as i am. phone rings oh, excuse me. Hello . Hello, this is the longdistance operator. I have a call from omaha for mrs. Blanche morton. Mrs. Morton . I was told to try your house. Well, she isnt here. What do you want to speak to her about . I dont want to speak to her, its her husband. Oh, im sorry, hes not here either. audience laughs i know hes not there. Hes here in omaha. Well if youre both in omaha, why call him here . It seems like an awful waste of money. audience laughs when mrs. Morton comes in, would you please have her get in touch with operator 360 . 360, alright, i will. Goodbye. 360. 360. Oh, i hope i dont forget it, i have such a bad memory. Maybe you should write it down. Oh i know, ill associate it with something. Lets see now, 360. Ive got it, Mary Livingstone. She lives at 360 camden drive. All i have to do is think of Mary Livingstone and ill remember the number. [mr. Jantzen] good [george] gracie, i just passed oh, hello, mr. Jantzen. I just passed our guest room. Whove we got stopping with us, the june taylor dancers . audience laughs no, theyre mr. Jantzens daughters. [gracie] id better go up and see if the girls are comfortable. And good luck, mr. Jantzen. Oh, you see, george, he has to go to san diego and talk about war and peace so he can find a librarian for his motherless daughters. audience laughs well, that makes sense. It does . Of course. Does anything mrs. Burns say ever confuse you . Why should it . audience laughs i know, im the one whos at fault. Ive been out of touch with this world too long. You havent missed much. Well, id better get started for san diego. I just had my suit pressed and i want to get there before it loses its crease. audience laughs looks neat. Goodbye girls [all] byebye, dad those are lovely girls oh, yes. I hated to see them grow up. It was so wonderful when they were little. They could just walk right under the sink and talk to me. audience laughs well, you a plumber, why dont you build a taller sink . Oh, ho, ho, ooh. laughs youre a rascal laughs hello, ronnie [ronnie] hi, mr. Jantzen. [mr. Jantzen] goodbye ronnie, how was school today . School . Oh, school was fine. That kathy. Im through with women, finished. I never want to see another woman again for the rest of my life. audience laughs well, you came to the right place. audience laughs what happened with you and kathy . We were in the malt shop. [george] yeah. Shes so unreasonably jealous. She accused me of flirting with every girl that smiled back at me. I guess she was pretty unreasonable. Whatd you do about it . I did what any man would do. After she gave me the ring back and walked out of the malt shop, i got sore and called off the engagement. audience laughs now youre through with women . [ronnie] forever. Good. Why dont you go up in your room, lock the door, study, and never look at a girl again. Yeah. playful music yeah, thats exactly what im gonna do. Im finished with women forever playful music hi. [june] hi. Im ronnie burns. Im jean. Im joan. audience laughs audience laughs playful music sighs coffee break. Ronnie hes out in the garden taking care of mr. Jantzens children. Oh i didnt know that ronnie liked children. Well, i didnt either, but he seems to be crazy about these. audience laughs kathy what are you doing here . Ronnie, please forgive me. Ive been such a stupid fool for doubting you and whats that hair doing on your sweater . Oh, thats mine. But this happens to be red well, um, uh, ronnie hasnt had that sweater on in a couple of weeks and that was the color of my hair then. There i go being jealous again. Oh, ronnie, if youll give me back the ring, i promise ill never take it off. Good music were sorry. We didnt know you had company. Bye. giggling those are the jantzen children . Theyre lovely, theyre charming, and were not engaged. angry music kathy, whats the matter . Nothing, and our engagement is off. Ronnie, whats wrong . Oh, its kathy. Theres four beautiful girls living in the house and shes jealous because i was in the garden with them. Kathy four beautiful girls in the garden . audience laughs it was awful walking in on ronnie when that girl was there. Ill bet thats the girl hes going round with. Kind of cute. Oh yes, and hes a good dancer, too. [von zell] george, are you up in the den . There, theres, theres, uh. Could this be the burns home . Im harry von zell, im an announcer. Im jean. Im joan. Im june. Im joy. audience laughs yes. You girls are so very pretty, you must be in show business. Were models. You know if the four of them add their ages together, theyre still younger than von zell . audience laughs we better go help mrs. Burns with dinner. Oh, good idea. Oh, well then, ill be seeing you at dinner. Are you staying to dinner . No, not yet, but i will. Ill just go hand mr. Burns a story and hell swallow it hook, line and sinker. Hes not very sharp, you know. chuckles audience laughs well, goodbye, girls. Goodbye, jean. No, im joan. Im jean. Im june. Im joy. And im going. audience laughs playful music knocking on door come in oh, hi, boss hello, harry look, george, youve done me so many favors, i want. I hope you havent made any plans for tonight. Ill tell you why. I want to take you and gracie out to dinner thanks, harry, well be glad to go. audience laughs well, good. chuckles nervously good. Of course, i might be too late to bring it up. I noticed coming through the kitchen gracie has some stuff on the stove cooking. Nah, theyre simple. I wouldnt want to upset her. Shell press a button and just turns it off. Well be glad to go, harry. audience laughs no, but you know what i mean is, george, i wouldnt want to upset gracie and make her angry, you know, cause if she gets angry, youll get mad, and if you get mad, i get fired. chuckles in other words, youd like to have dinner here with us tonight. Well, yeah. Those four beautiful girls . Sure. chuckles fired. audience laughs im fired . Thought that i would swallow this hook, line and sinker . Wha, wha, what did you say . Out. Hey, hey, hey, how bout this, george, look. Out. audience laughs bef out audience laughs playful music well, you got three phone calls and you were supposed to call right back. Who . Um, lets see, 360 camden drive. Oh youre supposed to call Mary Livingstone right away. Mary livingstone. I wonder why shed call. phone rings hello . Hello, mary, this is blanche morton. Oh, hello, blanche. I havent heard from you in a long time. I havent heard from you in a long time, either. How are you . Im fine, how are you . Fine. Uh. Well, what is it . What is what . Didnt you want to speak to me . Why, no. But i had a message to call you. Thats impossible. Who gave you the message . Gracie. Its possible. audience laughs shes here right now. whispering honey, she didnt call me. You talk to her. Hello, mary . Hello, gracie. What gave you the idea i wanted blanche to call . The girl in omaha told me. Omaha . Gracie, i dont understand this. Well, neither do i. What are you doing in omaha . Im not in omaha, im right here at home. Really . When did you get back . Did you have a nice trip . Trip . What trip . From omaha to Beverly Hills. audience laughs gracie, ive never been there. Oh, mary, you are confused. Look, youve lived in Beverly Hills for years. Youre right there now audience laughs yes i am, i think. Oh, now i see why you cant remember what you wanted to speak to blanche about. Well gracie, i. How long was i in omaha . I cant even remember how long ive been in Beverly Hills. Oh you poor girl. Just call blanche back sometime when youre head is cleared. Goodbye, dear. Bye. I wonder if it ever will clear. audience laughs almost time for dinner. Where are the jantzen girls . Well, ronnie convinced kathy that they were just friends and took the five of them out to dinner. Oh, where did he get the money . He said goodbye to me five times. audience laughs oh. giggles thought id try out my new dress. [blanche] oh, gracie, thats darling. Pretty. doorbell rings you like it . [blanche] yes well, youd better put on your fur. I phoned harry von zell and here he is. Hi, harry. Well, george, i meant what i said on the phone. Im ready to take you and the girls out to dinner, any place you say. chuckles come on, girls harrys here to take us to dinner [gracie] oh, thanks, harry. [blanche] well, thank you, harry. Come on, harry, lets go. But wait a minute, george. Where are the girls . Just went out. Just passed us. Lets go. audience laughs no, wait a minute. Where are the other four girls . They went out, too, with ronnie. Lets go. audience laughs you mean theres just gonna be you and me and blanche and gracie . Thats right. Then why did you have me put on a tuxedo . I wanted the show to have a classy finish. audience laughs real silk. applause thank you very much. Well, gracie, who will we talk about today . Would you like to talk about my cousin the news analyst . Id love to. Alright, go ahead audience laughs no, i thought maybe youd like to talk about him. Ooooh. News analyst, sounds interesting. Whats his name . Edward r. Allen. audience laughs edward r. Allen . Oh, and george, hes great. Besides analyzing the news, he has his own Television Show and he sits in the studio and interviews famous and interviews a lot of people . People in their homes. Did your cousin ever hear of edward r. Murrow . Ooooh, i dont know. But hes important enough, im sure my cousins had him on the show. audience laughs thats a great break for murrow. So your cousin is a news analyst too, huh . Right. Now, for instance, during the president ial campaign, he studied every angle of it and interviewed voters in every part of the country. Ill bet it was a brilliant analysis. Well, it will be when its finished. This edward r. Allen was born 10 years ahead of his time and two years behind the news. Oh, yes. You know, hes been all over the world getting stories. Oh . Once his editor sent him to china to get a story on the red chinese army. The red chinese army, yeah. Yes, he spent almost a year there studying the soldiers and he finally wrote his report. Must have been a long report. No, no, it was very short. He just said, there are no red chinese, you must be thinking of indians. audience laughs yeah, well, no wonder his editor keeps sending him out of town. And nobody can dig up news the way he can. No matter how important a person is, cousin edward always calls them by his first name. Calls them by their first name, huh . He calls them edward. You see, he cant remember names, so he calls everybody of course, he calls them [together] by his first name. audience laughs yes, like edward gable, edward yogi berra, edward lollobrigida. Oh, i dont think he met him. Oh,well hes a nice boy. Oh, my cousin would do anything to get news. He used to take a microphone and go right where the news was happening. Really . Once he interviewed a man while the man was taking a parachute jump from a high building. You mean he took a mic and jumped with him . Yes, and in the excitement, edward forgot to put on a parachute. Well that must have been terrible. Oh, it certainly was. You know, he came down a lot faster than the man and he had to keep yelling the questions up at him. audience laughs how did the interview end . Well, just before cousin edward hit, he said, we now return you to the studio for some organ music. audience laughs say goodnight. Goodnight. Goodnight. applause intro music bryan, come on in. Hey, ronnie. What brings you around . Thanks for the golf clubs. Ronnie, im leaving sc. No yeah, and after nine years at that college. Dean went and wrote to my daddy that i was just a hopeless case and daddys taking me out of school at the end of the week so i can go back home and help on the ranch. Gee, well were all going to miss you, bryan. Cant you talk your dad into letting you flunk out another year . No, not a chance. Trigonometry. I never should have taken that course, its all greek to me. Maybe you should have taken greek. I took greek once. It was all trigonometry to me. I guess you had ever course at sc. You name it, i flunked it. Youre exaggerating. No, im just naturally stupid. I think it must be my height, i figure it takes too long cut it out, bryan. Id certainly like to keep in touch with you. Ill give you my address. Wow, whos that . My kid sister. Bonnie sue, she runs an elevator in the shamrock hilton down in houston. Boy, shes pretty. Yeah. Whats she doing running an elevator . Well my daddy says its safer than having her drive a car. Oh ronnie, would you ask blanche oh, i didnt know you had company. Mother, this is bryan mcafee. How do you do, maam. Oh, how do you do. Would you mind sitting down . Looking up that high makes me dizzy. Yes, maam. Mother, bryan lives in houston, texas. This is his sister, she runs the elevator down at the shamrock hotel. Oh, you know your father and i played two weeks there. How about that . Isnt that pretty . Oh, well if you think the elevators pretty, you should see the rest of the hotel i know you do. Yeah, well were going to miss you at school, bryan. Bryans father is pulling him out of sc. [blanche] yoohoo, gracie oh, ill be right out im sorry to hear that, bryan. So am i, i never did care for cattle, and now i got to go home and help with around, the fields are just full of those herders. Well if the place is full of herders, why cant they bring in the cattle so you can stay in school . Mrs. Burns, they are cattle. See, they have white faces. What difference does that make . So they have white faces. I suppose the roundups have brown faces. You should still stay in school. Well blanche, here i am. Well it arrived from my darling husband in omaha really . Uh huh, the second postcard in ten days. Oh, what did he say . My dear blanche, you will be happy to know that i am in fine fettle. You have my why did he send the postcard from omaha . That a suburb of omaha. Oh. Anyway, you have my assurance that i continue to miss you. Your devoted spouse, harry hugh morton jr. Ive gotten more romantic notes from the gas company. Is that all he sent you . No, he also sent me a big package. Oh good what was in it . His laundry. Wants me to do it and send it back to him. Oh, well dont blame him. Maybe fine fettle is too small a place to have a hand laundry. Yup. Poor bryan, hes heartbroken because he cant stay at sc. Whos bryan . Hes a friend of mine from school. His father, who has a white face and mr. Herbert own a ranch and they raise roundups. Mrs. Morton, ill explain it to you. Oh, you dont have to, they do the same thing in fine fettle. That youll have to explain to me. Ronnie, do you mean to say that boy really wants to stay in college and his father wont let him . Thats right, mother. His father wants hims back in his ranch in texas. I think every boy should have a chance to finish college. Hell remember all those wonderful things he learned there long after hes forgotten them. Gracie, can i have my lunch . I got a lot of work to do this afternoon. Lunch . Lunch a boys future is at stake and all you think of is lunch. Cant you get your mind out of your stomach . If it was in there i wouldnt be hungry. Well i better go and take care of harrys shirts. Wait a minute blanche, have you heard from harry . Where is he . Oh, hes in fine fettle, nebraska. Fine fettle, nebraska . I thought i played every town, but theres one i missed. Of course how could they have a theater there, it isnt big enough to have a laundry what goes with your mother . Oh, shes upset because a friend of mines father wants him to quit school. Oh,lunch you know sometimes george burns, i dont understand you at all. Sometimes i can say the same thing. Well if you cant even understand yourself, that isnt what i meant. Lunch. Look gracie, ronnie explained the whole thing to me, dont take it out on me. The boys father wants to take him out of school. Somebody ought to go and talk to him. Well i wish i could. Why dont you . Go talk to him. You mean you wouldnt mind if i went to the boys home and spoke to his father . No, go talk to him. Oh george, youre wonderful. What a nice thing to do. When do we start . I cant go, im busy today. Why dont you take blanche . Blanche, really . Sure, you and blanche go talk to him. Oh, well thatll make it just perfect. Blanche is alone, goodbye dear gracie, just a minute. Would it be alright if we took ronnie with us . Sure, take ronnie too, he knows the boy, he might help. Oh george, youre the sweetest husband a woman ever had Gracie Gracie hmm . What about lunch . Oh no dear, youve done enough for me already. Just get something yourself. So im letting gracie drive out to this mans house. See how easy it is to get your wife happy . Of gas once in awhile. Sometimes im amazed how sharp i am. There was a mirror here, id applaud myself for five or six minutes. Its a cinch to keep your house running smoothly. I know there are people that laugh at marriage, but who are they . Just a lot of bachelors who can still laugh. But i get along well with gracie because our marriage is a 50 50 proposition. We give up things for each other. Now recently i gave up smoking in bed and she gave up threatening to leave me if i didnt. But im glad gracie went out to see this boys father to have him continue school. I believe in education. Id had a lot of it. I was in the fifth grade for seven years. I wasnt in the fifth grade that long because i was stupid. Although it helped a lot. Because she couldnt get it through my head that 5 and 5 made 10. I thought there was no reason to learn it because we were so poor i didnt believe that there was such a thing as 10. My mother didnt mind when i quit school. In fact she was in favor of it. I came home once and i told her that id just learn that vienna was the capital of austria. She said, modern education, ha oh isnt it wonderful, blanche . Just think, in an hour from now well be on our way to houston. That was very sweet of george to be so generous. While youre gone, what is he going to do with himself for three or four days . Oh, play bridge at the friars club maybe hes trying to get you out of town so he can be with some gorgeous blonde. Oh blanche, dont be silly. They dont allow women in the friars club. Maybe hell take her to the mocambo. Thats even sillier. Its too dark to play bridge in there. Gracie, youre different from other women. phone rings i bet my husband wishes i were. Hello. Mrs. Morton . The cabs out front thats going to take us to the airport. Tell mother i wanted to say goodbye to dad but hes not here. Oh , well we better get going. You can phone your dad from houston. Come on gracie, lets go. Oh by the way honey, where are we staying . Oh ronnie made a reservation at the shamrock hilton. Hes crazy about the elevator there. Gracie gracie . doorbell rings hello sweetheart, ive been oh excuse me, i thought you were my wife. No sir, im bryan mcafee. I should have know youre not my wife. She always carries a purse. Come on in. I came over to thank you. Ronnie phoned and he told me what all he and mrs. Burns were doing to keep me in college. Oh, so youre the boy, huh . Yes, sir. I sure do appreciate you letting them go back home and talk to my daddy. Could you repeat that line again . I sure do appreciate you letting them go back home and talk youve repeat it enough. By your accent, back home couldnt be glendale. No, sir. Further south . Yes, sir. Past laguna beach . Beyond oceanside . In other words i can go on like this for 20 minutes until i hit texas . Yes, sir, back home is just outside houston. Has my wife and son left already . Oh yes sir, why their plane a half a hour ago . Well i cant stop them, i can certainly join them. doorbell rings ill get the door, mr. Burns. Thank you. Goodbye and thanks for everything. Oh its nothing, im just glad you didnt say back home with a chinese accent. Oh, how do you do. How do you do, sir. [operator] we have a plane leaving for houston in an hour. Good, ill be right down in a half hour to pick up my ticket for houston. Thank you. Hey, you going to houston . Yeah, oh hello, harry. Texas . Yeah harry, the darndest thing just happened. You know that big texan you just saw at the door . Well look, never mind the details, george. You can tell me on the way to the plane. Good, good, and im glad youre driving with me to the airport. Airport . Look, im going all the way to texas with you. Look, youre not going to leave me out of any oil deal. Oil deal . You found out about it. I knew you would, youre too sharp. Oh george, are you kidding . Thats the oil center of the world. Ive been looking to fall into Something Like this for years well the way youre starting youll be in it up to your neck in no time. Then were partners no harry, i cant go for it. Ill tell you the truth, but youll never believe it. That kid at the door goes to sc with ronnie. His fathers trying to get him out of school. I told gracie to go talk to his father thinking he lives on roxbury drive. Turns out he lives in houston. Gracie and blanche and ronnie are on their way to houston and im on my way to bring them back. Thats the truth. You thought i wouldnt believe that. Thats right. Youre right, i dont. Shake, partner. Okay, the boy at the door is a geologist and theyre opening up an oil field in houston in an hour and im not letting anybody in on the deal, so goodbye expartner. [operator] hello, airport. Look airport, youve got to get me out on the first flight to houston, texas. Its an emergency. Ill hang onto a kite, ive got to get there ive been working on the railroad plays i hope they have a nice room for us. Oh im sure they will. Mother, ill see you in a little while. Whe are you going . Im going to check the elevator to make sure its safe for you to use. Oh. Now isnt he thoughtful . Where could you find a son like that . Anywhere theres a pretty girl. Oooh oooh may i help you please . We have a reservation, im mrs. George burns. Mrs. Burns forgive me for not recognizing you. My wife and i enjoy you on television and so do our children. Well i love children. We have boys, seven and six. 13 boys the climate out here must be wonderful. I understand. You have that same sense of humor offstage too. Well thank you, and so have you. I enjoy your husband too, especially his monologue. Oh thank you. I thought last week he was in fine fettle. Oh no no, he was in Beverly Hills. Youre thinking of her husband. What . Its just a small place, they dont even have a laundry. Or a theater. I have you all on the sixth floor. I have a nice single room for your son and a fine double room for you and mrs. Morton. It has twin beds. Oh, well well take it, but we dont even look alike. Were just very good friends. As soon as we get up to the room ill call bryans father mr. Mcafee and have him come over. Main floor, lobby. Oh, mother, maybe you and mrs. Morton better use the other elevator. I still havent had a chance to find out if this one is safe yet. Going up. Oh ronnie, if anything goes wrong, if you get stuck between the floors, just yell for help. I certainly will. Well i guess i ought to explain. I was just looking for a chance to talk to you alone. I dont understand this. I dont see how anyone can act so much a wolf and look so much like a nice innocent hound dog. You got me wrong, bonnie sue. You see your Brother Bryan told me to look you up when i came to houston. He and i go to school together. A friend of bryans, why well didnt you say so . Hows he doing . Oh he feels fine. Hows he doing in school . He feels fine. Poor bryan, still loyal to the sophomore class. Say bonnie sue, i know a nice place where you and i can talk alone. Its real close by. Really . Where . George, look ive been begging you all the way from los angeles, listen, i dont want half of this oil deal. I didnt even want a third of it. I dont want a 10th of it. I just want a little piece. Okay harry, but youll have to keep it under your hat. Yeah, sure. I got this tip from a representative of the texas oil company. Oh boy, well what did they say . They have very clean restrooms. George, please you got a room for me . Im george burns. Why mr. Burns yes, i have a fine room for you in 616. Thank you. I want you to know that my wife and i enjoy you on television every week and we think youre just great. Thank you very much. What about me . Youre harry von zell [von zell] thats right. Sorry, were all filled up. Well you can share my room. Has it got twin beds . Yes. Good. You two dont look alike, youre only friends. Oh you met my wife, huh . Oh, shes in 622. Thought so. Whats the matter . I dont know, we better take the other elevator. This one seems to be stuck. door buzzes mrs. Burns . Im mr. Mcafee. Oh, come in, bryans father. I was expecting you. Well im sorry i detained you. One of the hoofers got stick eating too much alfalfa. Oh thats too bad. But if your partner eats that, what do you feed the cows . I want talking about the cows, maam. Oh, so was i. Lets talk about bryan. Fine. I just cant understand you coming all the way to texas because hes a very brilliant boy and he should finish his education. You say hes brilliant . Yes. You mean bryan . Yes tall boy . Mmmhm affirmative red hair . Yes for a minute i thought i had another son id never met. Maybe you have. The desk clerk has 13. 13 sons . Yes, they were all born between 6 and 7. That must be the best time of day out here in texas. You know, i can understand why you think bryan is brilliant, but honestly mrs. Burns, that boy has been in that school for nine years. Hes still taking sophomore courses. Well alright, so sophomore must be a tough subject. Oh, you must be mr. Mcafee. Yes, maam. How do you do. How do you do. Are you going to let your boy stay in school . No, hes coming home will be terribly disappointed. Yes. The professor thinks bryan is a genius. He certainly is if the professor here didnt mean it, she wouldnt say so. Are you the professor . Well if theres nobody else in the room i guess i am. Yeah, im professor anderson. Well now, tell me, what you do teach . Did you go to college . I was a fine student. I suppose you took chemistry. One of my best subjects. I dont teach that. What about psychology . One of my best subjects. I dont teach that either. How about Foreign Languages . That was my downfall. Cant speak a word of it. Thats what i teach im professor anderson, the Foreign Language department. Bryan is her best student. Oh yes, he speaks excellent french and fine spanish. Well you ladies sure put on a fine show to save my bryan. door buzzes oh, excuse me. Well professor von zell and dean burns of usc, i certainly didnt expect to see you here yeah, they threw us both off the campus, and hello, dear. Mr. Mcafee . Yes, sir. phone rings mr. Mcafee, if you dont let your boy stay in school, my wife wont be fit to live with. Well sir, i just cant let him stay there. Its a point of honor. Honor . Yes, you see i was a sophomore for 9 years myself. I dont my boy to break my record. Well you held the record long enough. Yeah. Okay, you win let him kee on flunking. Thank you, mr. Mcafee. Oh, thank you, thank you. Now if youll excuse me, he wants to talk to me. Question. Yeah . You mean to say that that lie you told me in los angeles was true . Was true. Why didnt you tell me it was a lie, then i would believe it. Then youd believe it . So mother, i thought if you could talk to the manager and get someone to take bonnie sues place, we can go dancing at the emerald room. door buzzes yes, im sure the manager mr. Harris would do it if you asked him. Oh, well you two go on and dance and ill talk to him after this trip. Mother, no buzzing now youll have a chance to meet my daughter bonnie sue, she runs the elevator. Shes much smarter than bryan, but she sure cant drive a car. She cant run an elevator either. She missed it again. Are you sure shes smarter than bryan . I always thought so, but i cant understand this. Would you gentlemen mind walking down a flight . I just cant seem to hit the sixth floor. Yes, george and gracie will be right back and do [voiceover] george and gracie. Thank you. Thank you very much. Well gracie, who will we talk about today . Well how about talking about my cousin Henry Wadsworth allen the poet . Henry wadsworth allen . So you have a poet in the family. George, weve got everything in our family. That im sure of, but i never heard of Henry Wadsworth allen. Well thats the trouble, you see no poet is ever famous until hes dead. Yeah, well thats true. Cousin henrys worried because he cant wait that long. Well he wrote a lot of poems about birds and animals. Oh george, he was wonderful because he got so close to his subject. He got close to all his subjects, hm . Yes, you see when he wrote about a bird hed climb a tree and he sat by its nest. Sat right there by the bird. Yes, and when he wrote about an animal he went right into the animals den. Right into the den, huh . Yes. One of his finest poems was called thoughts while being gnawed on by a bear. Your cousin henry sounds like quite a nature lover. Oh he certainly was. Now for instance, one of his greatest poems started like this i think that i shall never look at a poem lovely as a brook. That sounds vaguely familiar. Oh, thats probably because you heard the other one, i think ill never write a line as lovely as a porcupine. No, i was thinking the one with the tree. Oh, he wrote that. I think that i have never spoke a poem as lovely as an oak. Yeah, well thats the one i meant. Did he ever make any money writing poems . Oh yes, the first one he wrote he sent it to a magazine, he got 3 for it. Oh, and the magazine paid him 3 for his poem . No no, he insured it and the post office lost it. Oh, the post office paid him. Thats all the money he ever made as a poet . Yes, but finally he started making some money by writing greeting cards. Oh, verses for all occasions. Theres a lot of money in that. Whenever henry wrote a new one for a greeting card he always tried it out first. Oh, he tried it out. Yes, hed send a copy to some friend or a member of the family to see how they liked it. To see how they yes, and thats how we almost lost my grandmother. Lost your grandmother on account of a card . Well it was quite a shock when she got a card that said i hope the rumor i heard is true, that the stork is coming to visit you. Yeah, well a card like that would make me a little nervous too. Double his income, huh . He had a card that you send to all your friends who were well and it said, get sick. Get sick. Yeah, and then after they got sick you could send them one if his get well cards. Get well i see what you mean, and thats the way he doubled his income. Yes, but after 15 years he realized hed never be a good greeting card writer. So he quit. No, no, he couldnt by that time, he was making too much money to quit. You know gracie, im a poet myself, listen to this. Roses are red, violets are blue, and if youll say goodnight, ill say so too. Thats good, goodnight yes, goodnight [voiceover] appearing on tonights show [voiceover] the jack benny program. audience applauds humming