Were sure to get the first prize this year. This is the bestlooking apartment in the whole building. Well, i dont know, baby. The competitions pretty stiff this year. Mr. And mrs. Russell got a genuine antique Umbrella Stand from montgomery ward. Now, thats gonna be pretty hard to top. I still think well win. Anything else you want me to do, ma . Well, you could clean the inside of the stove. Oh, ma oh, thelma okay. [ chuckles ] well, a loving daughter is the next best thing to a selfcleaning oven. Oh, james, just look at this place. I know exactly where im gonna put the plaque. Now, look, i dont want to be no killjoy, but in this world, you got to be prepared for the fact that it aint what you do but who you know. James, i feel too good to let you rain on my parade. Now, i know that the important thing in the contest is how good things look. And mrs. Vinson is the head of the committee, and she is as honest as the day is long. Yeah, thats the same thing they said about them people in washington. You notice how short their days have been getting lately . Do our plants look the way you like them . Put the philodendron on top. Which one is that . I dont know a philodendron from a collard green. This one. Its the prettiest one. I didnt mean that, all the rest of you plants. I love you all. I think each and every one of you is beautiful. Youre talking to them plants like they understand you. They do, james. Youd be surprised. I guess youre right. Them turnip greens we had for dinner hi, j. J. Did you get the plant food . Yeah, it cost me 1. 95. Them plants are eating better than we do. Why dont we just sprinkle a little grits on them . J. J. , the plants dont like that kind of talk. Now, im sure youve upset them, so i want you to go over there and tell them you are sorry. Im hearing it, but i dont believe it. You want me to apologize to a plant . Pardon me, plant. Since im making a formal apology, dont you think i should be introduced formally first . Okay. Plants, id like you to meet my smartalecky son, james jr. This is a philodendron. Thats a boston fern. This is a freckled plant, and thats an african violet. Hello, there, philadelphia. Hello, there, boston fern. Hello, there, speckled plant. And as for you, african violet, right on, brother thats better. Well, if youll excuse me, i have to go to the bathroom now. See, thats what us human beings j. J. and, goodbye, my african violet. [ chuckles ] hi, florida. Are you ready for this . Tada what have you got there . Two adorable goldfish to put the finishing touches to your house. Oh, willona, they are beautiful mr. And mrs. Evans, id like you to meet ozzie and harriet. Precious. Aint they . Now, this ones ozzie, and that ones harriet. Or is this one ozzie and that one harriet . I cant tell the difference. But they aint got no problem cause they can. [ speaking baby talk ] willona, your bread aint baked. Here. Oh, it really is nice. But, willona, you shouldnt have spent the money. What money . I got the bowl wholesale, and ozzie cost what . 35 cents, and harriet cost 50 cents. cause ozzie just swims around the bowl. Harriet lays the eggs. Hi, thelma. Hey, willona. Whoo, you really got everybody working, havent you . Got to get it together. Well, im glad to see the house looking so good cause i got news for you. What . The judging committee is coming around this afternoon. This afternoon . Are you sure of that . Mmhmm. Uhoh. I almost forgot. Here is some food for the fishes. Good. When you feed them, florida, make sure you give more to harriet. Why . The man at the fish store said she was pregnant. She may be eating for 46. Goodbye, fishes. See you all later. Okay, willona. And thanks again. All right. Good luck. Thank you. You know something . Youre all too much for me. How are you supposed to know which one is harriet . If one of them gets up in the middle of the night and wants chocolate crackers and sauerkraut, thats harriet. Your loaf could use another 10 minutes, too. Hello, there, vegetation. Im back from the bathroom. Hey, whod we get them goldfish from . Willona brought them to brighten up the place. Suppose i have to talk to them, too. Well, theyre living things. It wouldnt hurt to Say Something nice to them. Okay. Hello, little gold brothers. May the water in your bowl always be wet. Move your easel. Fixing up the apartment and winning first prize mean that much, huh, ma . Well, it isnt just the first prize. Its taking pride in your surroundings and trying to make things look better. Just cause youre the best filly in the race dont mean there might not be a fix on. James, i know all this work aint going for nothing. We just got to win the first prize. All right. Mama, daddy, can i ask you an important question . Uhhuh. If you meet a brother who was tired, hungry, and had no place to go, would you help him . I guess so. That would be the christian thing to do. I thought so, mama. Come on in, brother. Ned the wino . Oh, not in my apartment today thelma open the windows that wont be enough. Ill get the lysol. Michael, come in. Why, of all people, and why, of all the times, well, mama, he was lying in the gutter. That aint nothing new. Weve been stepping on him for years. Hes the closest thing the projects have to a national monument. Michael, come here a minute, son. Now, we cant help this brother. Hes a hopeless drunk. I may be drunk, but im not helpless. There. There. Could a helpless man do that . Get that man off my new covers. Junior. Come on. Help him up. Easy, ned. What . Its gonna be all right. See, michael, we all know hes a wino. Hes been on the grape for years, and he wont get off. His names engraved in the ripple hall of fame. Michael, honey, you just got to get him out of here. Mama, i had a long talk with him, and he promised hed give up drinking and dry out. Thats right. I promised. Easy, ned. Mama, if he could just spend a few days here, hed be all right. A few days . Willona just told us that the committee will be here in a few minutes. Michael, in order to help a man, the mans got to want to help hisself. But, daddy, he does want to help himself. Oh, yeah . Well, lets see about that. Ned. Huh . oohwhoo theres almost a full bottle of muscatel in the kitchen cabinet. Youre welcome to it if you want it. No, james. I said i was gonna dry out, and thats what im. Almost a full bottle, huh . Yeah, help yourself. No, no. I promised michael. I told you he meant it. We can make a new man out of him. What do you say, mama . The committee is due here any minute. Michael, you picked a bad time to be a good samaritan. But, mama, you always told us we were put on this earth to help others. Daddy, if we dont help him out, who will . Look, folks, you dont have to bother. I dont blame you for not wanting me here. Oh, wait i wouldnt drink that stuff if i was you, lady. Its got fish in it. Hold it, ned. Michael. Tell him he can stay. Really, mom . James, get out the muscatel. For ned . No, for somebody who really need it me. To help preserve our environment. I got involved. I boosted tourism in my Farm Community by by painting 55 barn quilts. I got involved. I enjoy gardening and love delivering a fresh supply of produce and flowers to a local shelter. I got involved. Young volunteers have a winning spirit that we think is worth celebrating. Middle and High School Students ask your School Principal about applying for a prudential spirit of community award. Volunteer three down and one to go, ned thats right. Try and get one more down now, ned. Come on, now, ned. Youve got to eat something so we can get you sober. What is this stuff . its something you havent tasted in a long while. Its called food. Try one more. Come on. Thats it. I cant eat anymore. Its taken my stomach by surprise. Bet your liver wants to know what the hells going on, too. Ned, try and get this milk down. Milk . Oh, no, i couldnt. Oh, yes, you could. Just make believe its white muscatel. Okay. By the time he gets it to his mouth, its gonna be a milk shake. All the way. All right, ned [ coughing ] he aint used to drinking nothing if hes through eating, yall clean him up. Come on, michael, junior. Give me a hand. Well get him off to the bathroom. Youre better off if we took off his clothes and ran him through the car wash. J. J. nobody will notice. Theyll just think hes streaking. James, will you try and hurry him in there . While youre in there, explain to him about the contest and the committee coming over. You dont have to worry, lady. I wont do anything to embarrass you. Uh, ned . Ned . The bathroom is this way. Then thats the way ill go, then. All right. Come on. Come on. Here we go. Aah hes on my couch again get him up come on, junior. Lift him up. Here we go. Youre gonna make it. Latest bulletin the judging committees on the 16th floor is that who i think it is . Thats him ned the wino. I never saw him vertical before. You may never see him vertical again. Dont worry, ma. Well get him clean if we have to sandblast him. Florida, honey, the committees gonna be here any minute. If they see ned, you aint gonna have a chance. Dont i know it . Daddy and the boys are gonna get him cleaned up. Cleaned up . With all that dirt on him, it would be simpler and faster if you dropped a couple of seeds on him and turned him into a planter. Hed be the only real potted plant in the projects. Itll be all right, ma. Thelmas right. Aint nothing lost. We still got time to get him out of here. We promised to help him, and thats what were gonna do. James, yall hurry up in there. If we lose, well, theres always next year. Right, thelma . Right, ma. All right. Baby, we may win yet. Im gonna go scrounge in my closet, find some old clothes for him. Ill bet you we have him looking more respectable james, thats sweet. [ chuckles ] hey. Huh . James hmm . What was that for . Thats for being a whole lot of woman, and i dont mean weight, neither. Havent they cleaned up ned yet, ma . No. I think its taking them a little longer than they figured. We about got him ready. Hed have been ready sooner, but we lost five minutes trying to get them gray socks off. Five minutes . Yeah, we found out he wasnt wearing none. Rusty well, hes ready. We washed off all the dirt that wasnt moving and killed everything that was. Well, well, well. Ma, he looks great. Who would have thought that this ned was hiding underneath that other ned . James boy, ned, you look fine, man. I bet you feel better, too, dont you . Ned . You all right, ned . Hes so clean that hes going into a state of shock. Come on over here and sit down. Youll be more comfortable staring from here. Look, lets sit down. When the committee gets here, ned sit down, man. Hey, ned, if you can hear me, just wiggle a finger. Thats close enough, ned. [ knock on door ] ooh, that must be the committee. Lord, if you aint too busy, mrs. Vinson. Oh, mrs. Evans, how are you . Come right in. Good evening. I guess you all know my husband, james. How are you . And those are my children. All hi and this is my cousin. Hes visiting us from mississippi. Well, now, isnt that funny . I could have sworn it was ned the wino. Oh, no. Same profile. Some moustache. Same breath. You folks check the other rooms. Ill take care of this area. Very lovely, mrs. Evans. The slipcover is beautiful. So are the plants. So are the children. Well, your apartment certainly seems. Something wrong with your cousin . Uh, no. Hes just trying to tie his shoelace. Yeah, daddy. Coz got a little touch of lumbago. The bathrooms are beautiful, and the bedroom is immaculate. Then i dont think theres any doubt. Youre the winner, mrs. Evans. [ cheers ] just a minute, mrs. Vinson. We promised the russells wed go back and take another look at their apartment. Its my belief as chairperson that this is by far the bestkept and most charming apartment. If you dont agree, you tell mr. And mrs. Evans. Mrs. Evans, i am happy to inform you that youve first prize. [ cheers ] thank you. Thank you. Well, committee, our work is done. Lets go. Lets go. Lets go. Goodbye, now. Byebye, and thank you all so much. J. J. whoo well this calls for a celebration lets have some koolaid im so proud of you. We did it. And now, james, what were you saying about it aint what you do but who you know . Thats supposed to be the rule, but, as usual, youre the exception. You really deserve it, baby, cause you did one fine job on this apartment. And dont forget we also made a fine, new person out of ned. James, will you straighten up that fine, new person . [ knock on door ] hmm . Mrs. Vinson. Mrs. Evans, i just had to come back and tell you one more thing. You know, it was very close between your apartment and the russells. But one thing made me decide in your favor. The way you cleaned up ned. Uh, mrs. Vinson, i know theres a resemblance, but this is my cousin mr. Evans, believe me when i tell you i would know ned the wino anywhere. How could you be so sure . Hes my husband. Lord have mercy. Once i saw the way you cleaned up ned, i didnt have to look at the apartment. You didnt . This is the first time in eight years home with her . did she say i got to go home with her . everything is just the way you left it, ned. My mamas still living with us, the girls still come over to play hearts, and im still taking my vocal lessons. Folks, please, if you have any charity in your ned well, james, now i not only got pull in the projects, but thanks to ned, captions provided by Sony PicturesTelevision Just looking out of the window watching the asphalt grow thinking how it all looks handmedown good times anytime you need a friend good times anytime youre out from under keeping your head above water making a wave when you can temporary layoffs good times easy credit ripoffs good times scratching and surviving good times hanging in a chow line good times aint we lucky we got em