You do all this research on a perfect car then smash it into a tree. Your Insurance Company raises your rates. Maybe you should have done more research on them. For drivers with accident forgiveness, Liberty Mutual wont raise your rates due to your first accident. Just one of the many features that comes standard with our base policy. Call for a free quote today. See Car Insurance in a whole new light. I thought it was fabulous, really. Youre sure you enjoyed it . Oh, i loved it, honestly. Oh, i thought you two were going to be in bed by now. Not for lack of trying. Well, neil, this is jack. Hi, jack. Hello, neil. And this is janet. Hi. How do . Well, been doing anything interesting . Neil took me to his film society. They were showing scenes from potemkin that werent in the movie. Two hours of footage eisenstein left on the cutting room floor. Oh, i think that answers my question. Well, i thought it was fabulous, i really did. Honestly . Honestly. You really did . I thought it was fabulous honestly. Honestly . Honestly. I think ill go make myself some coffee. So it was a good evening . Honestly. Oh, yeah. Chrissy said you were interested in rotten old films. I didnt say it like that. Yes, you did. Did not. Its a good point. Most of those films are on old nitrate stock. They dont last long. Two hours sounds long enough to me. And the thing about einsteins films is. Uh. Eisenstein. See, einstein did the theory of relativity. Was that a silent or a talkie . No, uh, chrissy, its. Uh. Jack, dont you want to go in the kitchen and help janet make some coffee . What for . Oh, right. Yeah. Got you. Ill leave you two to get it on. Im sorry. I mean. To get on with it. Oh, there i go again. Ill be in here if you need me. No one will disturb you go ahead. Everybody in this building minds his own business. You see, i have this philosophy. Oh. moaning stanley i want to have a word with you, helen. Why are you bringing your tools to bed . Youve been going through my tool chest. Theres some things missing in there. Oh. You mean the dirty magazines. Theyre not dirty, theyre art. Yeah, theyre full of busts. I only buy them for articles on male fashions and automobiles. What have you done with them . I tied them in a bundle you what . Helen, one of these days youre going to make me come after you. God knows i try. sniffing whats that funny smell . Thats my new perfume. Its called now or never. Well, its half right, anyway. Its happening again. What . I have been reading the Funeral Notices all week. It is so interesting. Everybody dies in alphabetical order. doorbell ringing ill get it. Boy, some of the things that girl comes up with. Yeah, its scary, but sometimes shes right. Maybe we should change our names to something beginning with a z. Oh, right, jack. What are you going to call yourself jack zipper . No, i wouldnt like people going around saying hey, fella, your name is open. Its for me. Its from home. Its not my birthday or anything. Oh, thank god. I was beginning to feel guilty already. Its a camera. A movie camera. Wowee. Now, what on earth would make my parents do a thing like that . The only thing i mentioned to them in my last letter is that i was dating a nice methodist boy who liked films. Great. Next time, tell them youre going out with a banker. Oh, this is so terrific. Ill have so much fun with it yeah. Uh, chrissy lesson number one, see. Okay. Oh, hiya, honey. Oh, boy, that felt good. Nothing like a nice, brisk walk around the block first thing in the morning. I thought you went upstairs to fix the window in the kids apartment. Later. Have you got something on your face . Its a mud pack. I like it. You should always wear it. Youre wasting your time, stanley. Insults bounce right off me. A brick would bounce off that stuff. shrieking dont touch it thats getting popular. I saw someone wearing it on television. Really . Yeah lon chaney in the mummys curse. Well, hes got his curse. Ive got you. Well, i think ill take a quick shower. In your raincoat . Of course not. Ill hang it up when i get in there. So you just went out for a nice, brisk walk . Yeah, thats right. Nothing else . No, nothing else. You finished with your third degree . Maybe ill take my shower now. While youre in there, you might as well give those dirty magazines a bath, too. What dirty magazines . The ones you got in your pockets. You mean Popular Mechanics and the Readers Digest . Show them to me. I dont have to show them to you. Oh, go f. Ix your window. Okay, now, dont just sit there. Do something interesting. Uh. Okay. Lets see. Yeah. slavering shrieks no no. Not that interesting. I cant think of anything else to do. You can never think of anything else to do. Wait. Hold everything, he does not have his makeup on yet. Sit down, jack. Oh. What is this . Face powder to help your nose not shine. Are you sure we need. . spitting close your eyes, please. Close. Whats this . This is just what they use when theyre taking pictures. It helps the eyes stand out. Why is she laughing . What is this . Just a little bit of eye shadow. Thats it. Im walking off the set. Cancel my contract. Stop following me. Thats terrific. Okay, now come here. Do something natural. Im about to. And youre not going to take pictures. Oh, janet, do something. What, honey . Um. Arrange those flowers. Chrissy, i already did that. What . are you crazy . Okay, now laughing. Laugh, yeah. Hahahaha. More laughter. mock laughter okay. Cut. That was great. Tomorrow, im going to put some film in the camera. Oh, chrissy doorbell ringing next time, will you please date a stamp collector . Hi, mr. Roper. I came up to fix your broken window. Oh. Good. Say, is it raining outside . No. Oh. Hi, mr. Roper. He came up to, um. Is it raining outside . No. Oh. Is something wrong with your face . Oh no, its just a little eye shadow. Do you like it . Eye shadow . Iill show you the broken window. Its in my room. Ill find it myself. Be my guest. Hurry it up, chrissy. I got to go to the game with larry. Im nearly finished. Oh, i hope you like it, neil. doorbell ringing oh, chrissy, dont tear yourself apart. Im sure your movie will deserve to be hidden away in the archives. Thank you, jack. Hi, jack. Ready to go . I cant go to the game yet. I promised chrissy id watch her home movies. Come on, the game starts in 15 minutes. I know. It wont take long. Larry, this is chrissys friend neil. Hi. Hi. Neil collects old sprocket holes. Okay, sit down. Here we go. chrissy laughing heres janet going to the beach. Oh, heres the part where janet loses the top of her bikini. Well, it wasnt such a good shot, really. No, not really. Well, howd you like it . Me . It was very, uh. Very, uh. Interesting. Yeah, thats the word. It was. Interesting. Im so glad you like it water splashes, woman squeals ah janet, i didnt know you were in there having a bath. Oh, listen, im sorry. We should get this lock fixed. It could be really embarrassing. Somebody could just come in, stand here, gawk at you. Get out you want me out . Yes all you had to do was tell me. You want the door open . Close that door ill shut it, then. Jack you want me to shut it . Get out you need more bubbles. doorbell rings hi how are you doing . Are the girls up . Chrissys getting dressed. Janets taking a bath. She is . What are you doing with the sponge . I have to do everything around here. Oh, right. What a shame. Listen, about that projector. Can i borrow it for this afternoon . Youll have to ask chrissy. Uh, yeah. Well, she might not approve of, uh. You know, uh. Blue movies. What . Last week, i met this guy in the regal beagle. Hes got a friend whos on the vice squad kenneth. Kenneth what . I dont know him well enough to be on last name terms. Hes got these really hot films that were confiscated they should have been burned but for only 50 bucks. Im not loaning you any money, larry. You know, you can be very wounding, sometimes, jack. Im not always coming up here to borrow money. Yeah. Im sorry. Just lend me 50 bucks. Well say no more about it. No way. All right. Ill buy the movie myself. I just need the use of that projector. He told me that this movie was really hot. Weather were having this time of year. Hi, jack. Oh, hi. Good morning, chrissy. Hi. I was wondering about your projector. Uh, when do you have to return it . Why . Why. Oh. Um, i was hoping to have another chance of seeing your home movies. I mean, i enjoyed them so much. Well, thank you oh, darn. Oh, i cant show it to you now. I have to meet neil in half an hour. Youre going out . Yeah. Shes going out oh, darn aw. Aw. Aw. Well, hello, mr. Roper. You clipping your bush . So i am. Very clever. Hi, larry. Oh, hi, janet. Ooh, janet. Are you going out . Yeah. Hes very observant. Im going to the laundromat. Oh, thats great. I mean, uh. Have a great wash. Well, thank you, larry. Oh, sorry, lar. Oh. Yeah. Naked dreams . Whats this . Uh. Its just a. Just a sort of movie. Movie . Yeah, well, you see they have this projector upstairs and. And you want to show this sort of a movie on it. Hey thats a fantastic idea let me tell you something. As the landlord of this building it is my duty to make certain that any films shown in this building meet with my approval. Oh. And so far, i approve of the title. Oh i suppose you could come up. Ill get my glasses. Right. muttering glasses, glasses, glasses. Glasses whered i. Glasses. Glasses. Helen. Helen, have you seen my. Whered you find that . In your new hiding place. I dont have a hiding place because i have nothing to hide. I just put em someplace convenient. On top of the wardrobe, anyway . Cleaning up the dirt. Helen, im in kind of a hurry, so. Look, stanley im going to do my best to try to understand why you read this stuff. Can we discuss this later, helen . For the automobiles, right . What kind of a sports model do you call that . stammering i wouldnt know. I mean, i dont read those pages. Oh, hey hey, there is an article here on a ferrari. Whats a ferrari . Its a car, stanley. Its why you bought the magazine, remember . Oh. Oh, that ferrari. Well, see, i didnt get to read that far yet. Its on page one. Let me see that. I dont see any. Ferrari. Its right there right next to the girl with the big. Oh yeah stanley, tell me something. Why do you have to look at pictures like that when you got me around . You know, all day long people have been asking me stupid questions. Naked dreams . Yeah that guy, kenneth, uh, whatshisname told me this was the real thing. Its in color too. Well, flesh color, mostly. Tell me something, larry. What exactly does this sort of thing do for you . Oh, come on, jack. Youre as interested in this as i am. I deny that and ill sit here denying it all through the movie. Ow what are you. . chrissy look, chrissys home chrissys home early. Look at chrissy, larry. Look. Hi, chrissy. Ive had it all he did was talk about my movie. Thats nice. Telling me how awful it was. Thats not nice. Who does he think he is . D. W. Hitchcocks . whispers what . whats he doing . What am, uh. What am i doing . What am i doing . Uh, hes. Uh, that. Uh, this. Uh, that. Uh, this. Im trying to get this off of that. Why dont we just forget about the whole thing and ill be on my way. Oh, i can do this. No, no, no. I can see it some other time. Its easy. No problem. Uh, chrissy, there is one problem. The laundromat is closed. Two problems. Two problems. Uh. Are you all going to be seeing chrissys movie again . Yeah. Oh im going out. Chrissy will go with you. Well all go. Larrys the only one who really wants to see this. Im not too late for the movie, am i . He invited me. Oh, fine oh, okay. Wait a minute, wait a minute. You girls arent staying, are you . Well, sure. I didnt think youd be interested in this sort of thing. Of course shes interested. Oh, there you are i thought we finished our little chat, dear. Yeah, i went to check on the casserole and he sneaked out on me the little devil. I didnt sneak out. I was invited. To see my home movies. Home movies . Oh, chrissy, could i watch, too . Helen, helen. Im tired. Why dont we go to bed . No, stanley. Id rather do something we can do together. Where are the earthquakes when you really need them . Do something. Me do something . Its your movie. Okay. Here we go. Now that were all here why not a fast game of hearts or charades, huh . Larrys got it. Sounds like. Scissors. Cut . Cut throat . Stanley jack . Jack . Jack sit down. I did my best. That was your best . woody woodpecker theme music playing guess who naked dreams . laughing maniacally woody woodpecker . what a nice surprise, larry. They always show the cartoon before the main feature. 50 bucks for woody woodpecker . The guy took me for 50 bucks thank god for good old kenneth whatshisname he really gave you the bird Threes Company was videotaped in front of a studio audience. Come and knock on our door come and knock on our door weve been waitin for you weve been waitin for you where the kisses are hers and hers and his Threes Company, too come and dance on our floor come and dance on our floor take a step that is new take a step that is new weve a lovable space that needs your face Threes Company, too youll see that life is a ball again laughter is callin for you down at our rendezvous down at our rendezvous three is company, too. Im betty white and im known for trying to be funny but today id like