captioning made possible by paramount domestic television can i help you? can't you see i'm trying to work here? what is it, honey? i'm struggling to find an idea for a documentary. in two weeks, i haven't thought of anything. you're competing with your earlier work. it's hard to top those. i must admit,they were very good. "in recognitionof excellence "for the documentary... "the automatic milking machine-- the day the cows dried out." that one made me cry. "so you think you know your hat?" are my friends here? no, but i have milk and cookies ready. wait, wait a minute. hey, milk and cookies. milk. milk, cows... milking machines. don't you--oh. wait a minute.i've done that. i've done it all. hey. dad, i've got it. a documentaryon teenage sex. as far as you're concerned, there's no such thing as teenage sex. [doorbell rings] i'll get it.they're my friends. hi, sweetheart. your directions were perfect. these are my friends, joseph simmonsand eva martin. gee, they're so old. maybe they got left back a lot. andy, you didtell your parents oh! oh! the retirement center! andy's class visits there every week. please, please, come in. come in. sit down. welcome. i'm steven keaton,andy's father. nice to meet you. meet my wife, elyse. i feel as though i know the family already. i'll bet that's jennifer. you're mallory. and you must be alex. alex, everyoneat the centeris so grateful to you for teaching andyto fill outour tax returns. who would guessyou could deduct prunes? well, see you later. bye-bye. andy really seems to enjoy visiting you at the center. andy's become a very good friend. you can't imagine how nice it is to have a lively visitor. we're runninga little low, andy. i'll get some more. you have a lotof activities. mrs. clark, the center's director, believes seniors should be kept busy. if you're not, she'll lecture you until you chase her with a shuffleboard stick. then she's happy. well, it seems like you lead a full life at the center. well, you knowhow it is. nothing is perfect. eva is perfect. excuse me, but we've done nothing but talk about ourselves since we came in. don't apologize.it's been interesting. you may havesolved my problem. how about a documentary about first-gradersvisiting retirementcenters? that's a good idea. it feels very good, especially since americanslive so much longer now. i could personalize it by focusingon your lives. see? stick with me, kid, hi, joseph. hi, eva. hi, sam. hello, andy. hello, steven. sam, this is steven keaton. he's making a documentary about andy and all of us at the center. this is jack mcdowell, my cameraman. jack will take background footage today. keaton...keaton...i know your work. you didthe documentarywith the hats. they show that every year. that's one of my favorites. thank you. i'm no film critic, but in a half hourabout hats, you could throw insome socks. mr. keaton,i'm mrs. clark. we spokeon the telephone? very nice to meet you. we appreciate your permission to tape. sure, but rememberthe conditions-- try to keepthe noise down, don't interferewith organizedactivities, and if youoverstimulateany seniors, you'll have to leave. don't worry about the overstimulation. well, here's how i'd like to start. andy, i want you to sit with joseph and eva. and i'm an end table? and sam. and i will ask you some questions. very good. ok? ok. good. all right. andy, what's it like coming to the retirement center? the first thingi've noticed, everybody'solder than me. what do you like best here? i like the storiesthey tell. joseph, tellhow you met eva. andy, when my wife died, i moved in with my son david. well, we didn't get along too well, so eventually we decided that i should move in here to the center. i get along with my dad. hi, dad! hi. just like every other day. then, all of a sudden, in walks the most beautiful vision you have ever seen. eva. it sure was. and i noticed josephright away, too. and, you know, then i knew right away that i met the woman that i would marry. and someday, we will. not someday, eva. time goes by too quickly. will you marry me? did you get that? joseph, my answer is yes. well, i don't believe it. cut! cut! congratulations. hey, dad. pretty festive in here. what's this? can't you see, son? we're in the movies. hi. i'm steven keaton, wks. we're doing a documentary on life here at the center. we just captured a special moment on tape. joseph, i'm sure you'd like to tell your son. well,david, my boy... what is itpop? eva and iare getting married. kiss the bride. come on. seriously, dad, what's going on? i am serious. we've gotthe honeymoon planned. they're going to a retirement center in hawaii. you are serious about this. hey, pop. just wait a minute. look, it's crazy. you two cannot get married. how are you going to take care of yourself? i'm not goingto take care of myself. eva and i willtake care of each other. who's going to take care of me? eva, with all due respect, i don't think this thing can work out. i don't have to listen to this. let's go, eva. jennifer,the water cooler's empty. will you help me? sure. oh. here, i'll get it. god, these things are heavy. yeah. maybe we shouldlet mom do it. we can do it. we have to take the top off. i have to getmy hand off-- come on! wait, jennifer. my hand's right underneath it. no. you have to lift it-- i can't hold it by myself. alex, you could give us a hand. what, are you kidding? wait till mom gets home. alex. alex. all right, all right. take the top off. we know. there. thank you. now put it in. wait. you'll spill it. i'll get it. no. i'm getting it. all right. we'll all get it. hold on. hi, kids. is your dad home? he's not in. he should be back shortly. care for a drink? well, no, thanks. mind if we wait? no. help yourself. you need some help? uh... nah, it's all right. we got it. eva does itall the time. we appreciate it. we got it. jennifer, move, will you? you're going to spill it all over me. just bring it up. just bring it up. mom! mom! how are you? atta girl. joseph! eva!great to see you. getting readyfor the big day? actually, we've just been taking a walk and discussing the wedding plans. i remember how it was before our wedding. it must have been beautiful. it was outside in golden gate park. all our friends were there. everyone was singing, crying. weddings can bevery emotional. no. it was tear gas. our wedding was held during a protest. was it political? no. it was her father. we're having some family problems, too. why can't he be happy for me? i've tried to talk about it with him, but somehow, we can't communicate. we thought you could talk to him, steven. joseph, eva,i'd love to help, but i don't knowhow i could. i barely know david. but you can relate to him. you're more his age, and you speak his groovy kind of lingo. besides, who can we go to? we're alone exexpt for the people at the center. please, steven. we could really use some help. david comes to the center every thursday to visit. all right, i'll try. i'm not surewhat i'll say. thank you. thank you. now we can go on with our walk. see you thursday. i'll be there. bye. oh. what was that all about? well, joseph and evawant to get married. his son davidis opposed to the idea. oh, well, i'm sure he has his reasons. caring for an elderly parent, that's an awesome responsibility. how would you know? aw, come on, mom. i've given this lots of thought. children have an obligation to plan for the day when their parents become a burden on society. i mean, uh... god knows i have. that's a relief, alex. your mother and iwere afraid we'd be set adrifton an ice floe. dad, mom, i promise you-- that's the last resort. no, when your time comes, you get put into the most comfortable, elegant retirement center available. we're not going to live in a retirement center. we're going to live with you. well, then it's the ice floe. joseph, eva, hi. hello, steven. where's your camera? well, sam, i'm here to paya social call today. that's great. and i got all made up. i didn't noticeanything different. see what i did with my hair? no. i parted it on the other side... of the room! oh! crazy. steve, can i have a word with you? oh, sure. what is it? first, i wantto thank youfor coming. david is goingto be here soon. i'm sureyou'll be able to, but if you runinto any kindof a difficulty, i've just prepareda short list of points you mightwant to make. "david, remember when you were 7 years old and i bought you that bicycle?" thanks, but i don't think it'll come to this. hello, dad. ah, hello, david. my, this isa surprise. who would've expected youto be here today? he comes every thursday. why don't youpart your hair on the other sideof the room? i know where i'm not wanted. cry on my shoulder. come on, sweet potato. david,can i speak to youfor a minute? yeah. sure. well, look, i... i realizeyou have an objection to your father and evagetting married, but please reconsideryour position. from what i see, wouldn't a marriage make the restof their golden years more fulfillingand rewarding? look, i appreciate your concern, but it isn't any of your business. david, rememberwhen you w%re 7 and i bought youthat bicycle? dad, if you have something to say to me, try saying it yourself. why are youso stubborn? why can't youaccept eva? she's a wonderful woman. she's solike your mother. she's nothing like my mother. you don't remember mom. you want to get married and move on and forget she ever existed. oh, so that'swhat all this is about. david, don't you know don't you thinkshe'd want meto be happy? uh, look,maybe i should go. no. no. maybe i should. how did it go? oh, he's impossible, but i don't care anymore. he's not going to ruin our happiness. we are going to get married, eva, and we're going to get married right here in this center. maybe we could fix it up a little... throw something over sam. you'll lose the whole look of the room. i just wishit could bemore like family. look, joseph, eva, my family would be honored if you'd consider having the wedding at our house. thank you. andrew, aren't weddings lovely? i don't know. joseph and eva arethe first in my crowd to get married. my father tells me you're something of a card player. aw, well,i'm nothing special. you play? uh, me? no, no. i'd like to learn, though. me, too. black marialow-ball with a split? one-eyed jacks, kings with the ax? [knock on door] david. i didn't thinkyou'd come. until a few minutes ago, neither did i. if you've come hereto try to stop me, don't. uh, no. listen, i thought a lot about what you said. dad, you were right. mom would want you to be happy, and i do, too. and eva's a wonderful woman. so congratulations. thank you, david. this means more to me than youwill ever know. well, listen, if you can possibly forgive me, i'd love to be your best man. there's no better best manin this room. thanks. mom, the bride's ready. oh. uh... joseph, eva is ready. we can start now. we can start now. [plays wedding march] there's one thingi have to ask before you go down-- did anyone talk to youabout the wedding night? my mother told me 50 years ago. i think i remember some of the basics. ok. friends, we are gathered here to witnessa very special union-- a unionthat lends credence to the immeasurablepower of love. joseph simmonsand eva martin will be marriedhere today. in their own words their feelingsat this moment. eva, at a time when most men are only thinking of the life that is behind them, your love and friendship have given me a gift beyond compare-- the future. joseph, before i met you, there were seconds, minutes, hours, but they were only ticks of a clock. now each moment is a precious jewel to be cherished because it'll be shared with you. and so, by the powervested in me by the state of ohio, i pronounce youhusband and wife. ladies and gentlemen, to present mr. and mrs.joseph simmons. i'm so gladwe had the wedding here. the house feelsfull of love. have you ever seena more beautiful bride?