[knock knock] hey, lauren! long time no see. how was your psychology conference? great, except i missed alex. is he around? no. no. out of sight, out of mind. maybe he's with that other girl. andrew! don't know what you mean. you mean marty. he's told you about her? he said he's tutoring her. oh, he is tutoring her. oh, yeah. a purely business... relationship. yeah. hey. oh, look who's home. hey, honey. so, did you miss me? yeah. sure, i did. did you miss me? well, sure... but i did get friendly with the man at the conference who suffered from wide mood swings. he even signedmy freud anthology. "dear lauren, it was nice to meet you. p.s. i can't stand you." want to go get a bite to eat? let's justsit and talk. it's been two weeks. that's the longestwe've ever gone withoutseeing each other. yeah. well, not including the 20 years before we met. heh heh. alex, are you ok? yeah. i'm just, uh, like really tired. well, if you're tired,i'll see you tomorrow. lauren, wait. we've always said that we were going to be completely honest with each other about everything. alex, what is it? this girl that i've been tutoring, you know, from my economics class? marty? yeah. well, we've been spending a lot of time together lately... oh, alex. and i'd be lying to you if i didn't say that i was thinking about her a lot. do you love her? i don't know. i don't know. i don't knowwhat i feel, what i'm thinking. i just need some time. ok. sure. lauren! lauren, are you all right? of course i'm ok. i'm a trainedpsychologist. i know how to handlethese types of emotions. hey, marty. cecelia, can i get a yogurt? you're too skinny, marty. i'm not very hungry. besides, i'm short of cash. hey, it's on me. oh. no, no. i couldn't. don't worry about it. i'm loaded. besides, most of it'syour money. then i'll have a meatball sub in that case, and some soup, a large salad, uh, the yogurt, some milk, and some twinkies. thanks. what, you goinginto hibernationlater today? alex, we need to talk, so i'll go get us a table. hi. hi. lauren! hi. can i get a yogurt? sure. i'll put iton alex's tab. i think we need to talk. i don't believe this. this is like a bad episode of love, american style. alex. alex. hey, there. let's see, you had the yogurt... and you had the yogurt, the meatball hero, the soup, the milk, and twinkies. well, if that'll be all for you ladies... alex, what'sgoing on? marty brodie... this is lauren miller. hello. you ok? i'm fine. my doctor says i'm not getting enough calcium in my nose. i thinki should go. i think i should go. why don't i go? you stay becausei'm leaving. lauren, listen. come on. you haven't even finished your yogurt. i just decidedi'm not hungry. oh, my god. i paid $1.20 for this. oh, alex. this is terrible. really, i feel horrible. i cannot stay here. alex, i'm-- i'm--i'm sorry. i'm--i'm really hungry. did you ever see fatal attraction? hi, darling. feel like catching a movie? no, thanks. not tonight. we're late. let's go. see you later. uh, alex, you ok? i'm just distracted with this marty-lauren thing. i could miss this movieso we could talk. i've got to work on my valedictory speech. i can't get a handle on it. let me know.i'll be around. maybe i need some quotations to kick this thing off. let's see what we got here. shakespeare. a bunch of pretentious guys in tights... talking to skulls. better than my speech. lauren's freud book... narcissism: an introduction. nah. i think too much of myself to read that. jean paul sartre. you know, maybe jennifer's right. of course it is. you think i was just trying to sell some books? jean paul,don't take it personally. i'm skeptical aboutthis existentialism stuff. oh, really? look at your life. if that isn't absurd, i'll buy you a ribs dinner. jean paul,you're wrong. his life is not absurd. thank you, dr. freud. he is just highlysexually repressed. jean paul... sigmund, please. i got a problem i'm trying to work out here. i have an emotional attachment to two women. it can't be worked out. alex, don't you see? love is an impossibility. it's nothing more than an attempt to justify one's own existence by possessing another in a futile gesture and you wonder why you don't get invited to more parties? you're wrong,jean paul. love does exist. yeah. back me up here, shakespeare...bill. may i call you bill? please. as i wrote in hamlet about love... doubt that the stars are fire, doubt that the sun doth move, doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt i love. how do we really knowyou wrote those plays? guys, guys, come on. we're getting nowhere fast. you're three of the greatest minds in history. you can't help me out? the truth is, alex, we don't knowmore about thisthan anyone else. in the end, we'reall just poor players it's true. when it comes to love, as my friend camus once said, it can burn or it can last, but it can't do both. god, that's depressing. i want it to do both. hmm. don't we all? that's why people are so unhappy. alex... all i can say is... to thine own selfbe true. and remember, you must take responsibility for your own choices in this life. talk to your dad. wake up in your first home. wake up in a home you've made a bit bigger. wake up in a home that doesn't even have an address. as your life evolves, your dream home evolves too, and protecting it takes committed support. at american family insurance we support your dreams. see how you can save with oh, marty, look at you at that piano. applied economic principles of capitalism in the post-industrial era seminars in the world, you had to walk into mine. this is crazy. this can't work. i'll probably get a job on wall street. you've got two years of college ahead of you. even though i know this is going to hurt, we've got to stop kidding ourselves. we've got to bring this thing to an end. hey, hey. don't stop. i have to. it's the end of the song. i'm practicing for the ceremony. i've got to practice the old pomp and circumstance. we got to talkabout this, marty. yeah. i know, alex. i've--i've been thinking, and, uh... even though i know this is going to hurt you, we've got to stop kidding ourselves, after everythingwe've been through? the last thing i want is to break your heart. aah. it's a little latefor that now, isn't it? alex-- please, can ijust have a minute to be alonewith my thoughts? i hope he doesn't start to cry. i'm not crying. there's something in my eye. excuse me? there's something in my eye. do you want a tissue? marty, professorheller needs you to look overthe processionalarrangement. i have to go. i know you do. goodbye, mr. keaton. oh, lauren. two years-- such a long time. there's been a lot of good times in those two years. remember the first time we met in that little psychology lab? it was really love. you were so beautiful. i mean, you are so beautiful. i'm not so bad myself. i don't know what happened to us, but whatever it is, i've got to admit my true feelings and be honest with you, yet you seem to be handling it pretty well. i just have to be honest with her, just tell her that she's a wonderful, decent, intelligent, unique individual, and that we're not in love anymore. ahem. lauren. hi, alex. can i talk to youfor a minute? sure. excuse us. lauren, i got to be honest with you. i have to be honestwith you, too. alex, you'rea wonderful... honest,unique individual, but we're notin love anymore. nobody lets me get a word in edgewise. the last couple of days have been torturefor me. i'm trying to think what did i doto make youstop loving me? was itsomething i said or something i did? or was i justtrying too hard? it was nothing i didor you did. it just happened. it's wrong for me to trybeing something i'm not. the same for you. you're anobsessive person. you don't lovemany things, but the things you love,you really love, and either you love meor you don't. boy, you really know me. i'm going onwith my lifeand find someone who loves meas much as i love him. whatever happens, i just want you to know i can't be happy unless i know you're happy. i really like you. and, um... we had a lot of great times together. part of who i am-- one of the best parts-- is what you gave me. you gave me a lot, too,alex. i'd really loveto tell you i hope you and martymake a great couple, but, um...i really can't. yeah, well... the crazy thing is marty and i aren't going to be seeing each other, either. why not? i got to take some time to be with myself. i'll go to new york try and meet leona helmsley. good luck, alex. thanks, lauren. what next, huh? locusts? boils? democrats in '92? am i interrupting anything? mommy, my gowndoesn't fit. oh... it's ok. your hat's no bargain, either. let's-- let's fix this. this is just like when you were a little boy. you couldn't dress yourself then, either. you'd come out of your room with your shirt buttoned wrong, your pants on backwards, i'd say, "alex, did you even look in the mirror?" i'd say, "i couldn't.mallory took it to school." what i wouldn't giveto be 8 years old again. you're still dressing about the same. there. let's get this hat for you. moms were a good idea. thank you. no matterwhat else has happened, no matter whatanybody else is doing, you're justalways there for me. well, we'll see. ok, let's try this. yeah, right. "front." hey, great! you did it. you know, mom, you could give up architecture and go into tailoring. mom? mom, i'm only kidding. oh, no. it's not that. i just can't believe my little boy is graduating. you look very handsome. well... it's a good thing... 'cause inside,i don't feeltoo terrific. it's been a tough couple of weeks for you. the worst. you know, if you were8 years old again, i'd just kissyour boo-boo and make it better. but you'rean adult now. that's a littlemore complex. i say we give it a shot. i love you so much, alex. [knock on door] hey, you've got to sit down. graduation's starting. we were just discussingthe meaning of life. oh, that's easy. hope you fall in love. it sounds good to me. me, too. considering the source,that's truly frightening. well... so this is it. college is finally over. fortunately, it ends on a real high note for me. i broke up with two wonderful women on the same day. lauren, this was a tough day for both of us. still, i don't regret one single moment we had together. and, marty... even if i never see you ever again, you'll always be a beautiful, wonderful memory. "hell is other people." well, anybody who's seen a few game shows knows what he means. but i think he's only half right because... heaven... is other people, too. after all, when you get down to it, we are all we've got, and no matter how much we may argue, or fight, or hurt one another, in the end, we just keep running back for more because we're human. for some strange, unexplainable reason, we need each other. maybe that's the only real wisdom any of us will ever have. that, and the words of another very great philosopher-- my sister mallory. i quote... "the meaning of life "is to be happy, and hope you fall in love." it's ironic. after all these years of learning, mallory teaches me the most important lesson of all. boy, life is funny sometimes, isn't it? now i present to you the valedictorian of the class of 1989-- alex p. keaton.

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