[ laughter ] uh, i hate valentine's day. >> why? >> i got one card this year. it was addressed to occupant. [ laughter ] i mean, i wanna tell ya, that's bad. [ laughter ] why am i workin' like andy youngman all of a sudden? did you get a valentine? >> i got one. >> you really got a-- >> from my assistant. >> uh-huh, well, we won't talk about her. [ laughter ] that's what you call 'em. if you girls think you got a-- how would you like to be dr. bernard's wife? when he gives you a heart for valentine, a real heart. [ laughter ] and that's kinda weird, isn't it? uh, i just say things like that because it's a late night show. if i had funny stuff i'd be on prime time. [ laughter ] this is just killing time until we get some guests. uh... [ applause ] don rickles sent me a valentine. i did get one. an 8" x 10" glossy of willard the rat. it was, uh... i have a little poem for the occasion. roses are red, violets are blue, if you don't laugh at the home with you. [ laughter ] that's tommy back up there. >> better than nothin'! [ laughter ] [ cheers ] [ laughter ] >> that-that's not what mrs. newsom says. [ laughter ] no. [ laughter ] no, it's a very-- what? >> i didn't know you know mother. >> oh. an old joke. your mother, yes. uh, no, valentine's day is a very special day for tommy and his wife because she leaned over today and whispered those three little words, "rest in peace." [ laughter ] thought that was a valentine you had on your... >> tennis racket. >> that's certainly apropo for valentine's day. >> of course. it's where you're keeping [ laughter ] >> y-you're all makin' up your own jokes, aren't ya? [ laughter ] uh, burbank, uh, is kinda strange on valentine's day. uh, a lot of older people live out here. i went to a drugstore today and they were selling valentine cards of cupids shooting arrows through a heart and lung machine. it was very crazy. uh, now, i was bad, but what the hay. uh, i got some more news for ya about the marriage. i mentioned this twice on the air. remember about two weeks ago, you're probably familiar with it, a lady from huntington beach, california-- >> right. >> um, went to indonesia, she was an anthropologist, and she married, if you remember, according to the papers, a cannibal chief. according to the papers today the marriage is over. that's true. marriage is over. what happened? well, i'm gonna tell you what happened. [ laughter ] uh, no, the marriage started going on the rocks when they went on the dating game, and he tried to eat couple number two. [ laughter ] no-no, i'll tell you what really-- what really happened-- [ laughter ] no-- [ laughter ] not-not-- trust me on this. trust me on this. no, it was in the papers today. what happened, she married this cannibal chief and she is being kicked out of the tribe because she, according to the chief, will not consummate the marriage. and i can't say that i blame her 'cause over there the way you consummate a marriage is the bride and groom together cram into a huge bag of shake and bake-- [ laughter ] and, uh, that's gotta be weird. [ laughter ] um, what else is happening in the news? uh, you see-- you see where president nixon fired his bodyguard? it was in the paper today. poor guy, what happened, president nixon went into the crowd and the bodyguard followed david fry home. it was-- that's what he did alrighty. and, uh, president made a speech on the, uh, environmental state of the union, and he said the nation is facing-facing an energy crisis, which means david kissinger is tired. [ laughter ] which i can understand. anyway, tonight we've got a good show. we got some new invent-- well, not new inventions, but some crazy inventions for you. we have miss sandy duncan, bennie barnes is here, steve martin, very funny, and the heavyweight champion of the world, mr. george foreman. he's here tonight. [ cheering ] [ music ] thank you. we'll have a word from our [ applause ] [ applause ] [ humming ] >> i'm in a singing mood tonight, i don't know what it is. i just feel melodic. >> well, you can sing anytime you want to. [ humming ] [ laughter ] have you been, uh... >> no, not at all. >> huh? >> you know i never do that before a show. >> absolutely. we kid you about drinking, but you never-- >> while i was there on the set this morning on location at 6:45 am. >> what set is that? >> i told ya, i'm making a movie. >> oh, of course, i for-- i forget so quickly. you got up at what time? >> i had to get up at five o'clock. >> to go to work at 6:45? >> yeah. they want you there early. movies are funny. they want you there. they want your body right where they want it. >> well, it probably takes quite a bit of time to get your body put together-- >> oh, no, my body-- >> for the cameras. >> my body was in very good shape this morning at 6:45. >> yeah. >> but i have makeup, i have a little scar i have to wear and new hairdo, so... >> yeah, alrighty. and you're goin' somewhere else you said. >> well, i'm goin' back to florida this weekend. >> florida? >> florida. the house i built, it's the grand opening this weekend. but then i'm gonna do a thing in, uh, philadelphia with joey bishop. you have a thing-- >> oh, yeah, somebody mentioned you. it's a telethon. uh, the variety club of philadelphia, february 24th and 25th. >> i think-- is joey bishop gonna mc it? >> yeah, he's gonna be on that c-crippled children telethon. >> then i'm in atlantic city the night before. >> you what? >> i'm doing a show in atlantic city the night before. >> i see, florida then philadelphia? >> no, then atlantic city. >> then atlantic city? >> then philadelphia, then new york. >> you got the movie going. >> yeah. this weekend and next? >> i'm going down to, um, pismo beach and, um, molest a clam. [ laughter ] i don't have a big weekend planned. you really get out. i just have something planned. what else do we have? i guess we have nothing. >> we have inventions. >> what? yes, we've got, so this mary yorty. what? >> i know nothing about these. >> well, we didn't want to show them all to you. >> oh. mary yorty has proclaimed the week of february 11th inventors week in los angeles. [ applause ] didn't seem to get too much of a reaction, does it? >> maybe later on when it sinks in. >> no, we have some actual items that have been patented. these are not just-- people actually labored long on these things. and mr. ted de boer-- is that how you pronounce his last name, hank? who is the executive director of the national inventors foundation. >> hmm. >> would you like to go over ahd let me show you some of these inventions? >> yes. >> these are for real now. these are not gag things. the people-- although they look >> they sure do. >> now get this. could you guess even what this is? [ laughter ] >> this has been patented? >> this has been patented. it was invented in 1884. now, you have the slightest idea? >> no. >> all right. now. [ laughter ] this-this is gonna be pretty weird, isn't it? this was for use in unheated trains, believe it or not. that's right. >> in what way? >> well, if you stand in an unheated-- [ laughter ] man stood in an unheated train and he said, "hoo-haw, my feet"-- or haw-hoo, he said, "boy, my feet are cold." and he put this around the neck. he wore this. he took these two things, stuck 'em down in his shoes, and as he stood in the unheated train... >> oh, come on. come on. [ laughter ] [ applause ] wait a minute, wait a minute. you really do with that. come on. [ laughter ] >> okay, they took that man away and put him in a home, but this-- that's what it was. 1884. i don't know how many of those they sold. >> not many. >> all right, now, how 'bout this, friends? whether you can see this or not. i'm gonna have to turn it around like this. this was invented in 1889, patented. do you know what that is? >> no. >> we don't have what we're supposed to have, do we? >> what are we supposed to have? >> that is a cherry pitter. you put-you put your little cherry there. [ laughter ] uh... >> and then you hit this? >> what's wrong? now, what? >> yes. now, do you pile a lot of 'em up here by themselves, is that the idea? >> well, yes, what do you think? you put your hand in here, and have your hand roll in. you put your cherries here. >> right. >> and one at a time they roll in here-- and there goes the pit. >> wow. >> then the cherry-- >> then i guess you have to lift the cherry out then after that. [ laughter ] no, that takes the pit. remove the pit. >> right. >> then you take the cherry out. >> that's what i said. >> oh, w-well, you were right. [ laughter ] watch this one. >> this one you can actually demonstrate because i can see you actually have an apple. >> right. patented in 1912, an apple peeler. >> oh, i wanna see this. >> all right, this little machine, the apple is on this thing here. >> right. >> and you, by turning this-- [ laughter ] [ applause ] now, wait a second. hang on. hang on a second. hang on. >> i think you-- if i may say something, i think you may be going the wrong way. >> what do you mean? >> i think you should go the other way. whichever way you were going-- >> this way? >> yes. >> now, how do i get my apple back? >> i don't know that part. >> all right. >> can't know everything. >> now, in other words, i was going-- >> yeah. >> i should go this way? >> i think so. [ laughter ] >> well, i can't go that way. it's supposed to go around top. [ laughter ] what that also did, that-- if you put a basket right below, so the apple falls off that-that man also new this man. >> yeah. he was standing on "what do you got?" and he said, "you won't believe this." blowing into his shoes, and this clown says, "watch this one," and then the apple fell. [ laughter ] here's my favorite. this was invented last year. let me show you the state of mind of this man. [ laughter ] well, i don't know who it is, but these are actual inventions. d-d-do you have any idea what it is? >> no, but i think he knew the guy on the train. [ laughter ] >> this is a neck exerciser. that's all it is. you put that up there and by doing this... >> honorable charlie chan. [ laughter ] you have solved mystery by now. >> go-go blow in your shoes. [ laughter ] >> how-how do that work? >> can you imagine some man-- >> first of all, let me strap you up. >> what? now, wait a minute. in a little room somewhere, you know, or in his basement, and coming up to his wife late and night, and saying, "dear"-- >> is that snug enough? >> what? >> is that snug enough? now what does one do? >> now you do this. [ laughter ] and that-th-- can you believe that? [ laughter ] whiplash! get me outta this. >> wait a minute. >> what? come on, get me-- get me outta this. can you believe that? i don't know how many of those they sold. >> not a lot. >> some guy spent a lot of time with that. all right. you'll never guess. i-i'm gonna step out in front for this. you will not guess what this is, and to show you that it's absolutely real, uh, patented may 19th, 1896. a device for producing dimples. >> oh, dimples? >> come here, let me demonstrate. [ laughter ] >> i don't wanna. >> well, if my first patient i'm gonna lose a job. oh, here he comes now. now, wait a second, no. instant dimples, just where you want them. >> oh-oh. oh, no. >> in order to make the body susceptible to the production of dimples it is necessary to produce the cellular tissue around the surrounding spot should be made susceptible-- by massage. and what you do, actually-- this will not hurt, right? >> what do you mean, right? who are you asking? >> i was asking the producer. >> he wasn't around 1894. he doesn't know. >> yes, he was. he was doing "my three sons". [ laughter ] remember? chip gets a hickey. >> yep. >> it's a big episode. >> can we demonstrate this first on a piece of wood? >> what? no, you can't make a dimple on wood. >> just see what it does on wood first. >> it does nothing on wood. >> it scratched the wood. that to my face. >> no, what it does-- it apparently-- as you-as you turn this, it-- it doesn't really hurt. all right, now look. you see what it does. [ laughter ] >> boy, look, >> ain't that nice? by doing that, i guess, everyday, uh, you end up blowing in your shoes. [ laughter ] oh, my favorite invention is this one over here. you can see that clown comin' home from work at the... now, this was-this was patented six months ago by john russell. pepper mill-- watch. electric pepper mill. >> now, that makes sense. >> a little battery, you don't have to sit and do that. >> that makes sense. that will sale. >> nobody does anything by themselves, do they? all right, what do we have here? >> a little doll is sleeping. >> this was patented in 1882, called, the sneaky waker upper. now, this is a little mockup of what this clown, uh, invented. let's turn on the alarm here. turn... [ clock ticking ] >> the little one below it. >> the little one below it. that would come down and hit you in the face. [ laughter ] this little thing here. >> that'll wake ya up, all right. >> you believe that? [ alarm continues ringing ] you-- it also puts a dimple in there. but that was patented in 1882, and, uh, i'll never know why, but it was. uh, oh, here's a dandy. this is a-- this was patented in 1897. this was, uh, for use in stores. it was a mouse and fly catcher. see, a mouse would go in here and get trapped and couldn't get through the little screen. >> right. >> the fly's in here, but the guy was really bright. he also made it a fly catcher, grater, and slicer. [ laughter ] grating vegetables and-and s-slicing. >> oh. >> but you can also use it to catch mice. he also met this guy on the train. >> i'm sure he did. all right, um, we have some other strange things we have to show you. we'll do a commercial first, then we'll come back and see all right? [ music ] >> there's only a few more of these inventions. uh, actually, there's a lot of, uh-- as ted explained before the show, we make fun of some of these. >> right. >> there were a lot of good inventions down there. these are just kinda some of the wacky ones. here's somethin'. strange idea. this was invented by the name of, uh, bernie jackson, 1962, and it's for fisherman. um, for example, a guy's fishing at a lake. >> mm-hmm. >> right? and he wants to get out, say in the-- >> the propeller looks like it's back here. >> what? no, the propeller's back here. this is the motor, this is the rutter. >> no, the propeller. >> what? >> see that back? >> what? >> see, that's-that's the propeller. >> that's a propeller. right, but it draws it, like, this way, right? this is the end. in other words, the propeller's >> but it goes this way. >> so, an airplane. [ laughter ] >> that's right. >> that's contrasted with the ship. >> now, listen. now, hear me. a man looks out in the middle of a lake. >> yes. 100 feet, 200 feet away. >> what does he see? >> oh. >> ah-ha. >> what does he do? >> what do we do? well-- >> no, what does he do? >> he's sitting on the bank and he can't cast that far. >> absolutely not. >> so, what he does, he takes the bait. >> right. >> he puts his bait in here, he takes his fishing line, he lays it along these things like this, he puts this in the water, this is powered. >> right. >> by blue batteries. >> right. >> it-it goes out to the lake, and when it gets to the point where he wants to fish-- >> a barracuda sinks it. >> no-no-no. [ laughter ] a guy comes along with a tank in his shoes. [ laughter ] no, it goes out to, say, the middle of the lake, he pulls on the line, which releases, drops the bait, so forth, releases the line, this thing reverses and comes back to the shore. and now he's got his-his hook and his bait, say 200 feet out on the lake. >> that's right, and the fish are swimmin' along side this. shore where you hit 'em with a club. [ laughter ] no, that's not a bad idea. that's interesting. okay. this is for, uh-- you like poached eggs? >> love 'em. >> you know what i don't like about 'em? >> what? >> they're round. [ laughter ] you don't like round poached eggs? >> not on a square piece of toast. guy came up with a thing here. it's square. >> oh. >> little openings here for the water. you just put the egg in there-- it's a little-- you put that in the boiling water. >> doesn't the yolk look funny? [ laughter ] >> it looks just as funny round, doesn't it? >> no, i think there's a symmetry to that. kind of a round yolk with a round egg. you put a squared egg bottom on a round-- >> three stooges. [ laughter ] all right, this is a thing-- we have to move along here quickly. i guess a guy who it's a coffin with an escape hatch. [ laughter ] a lot of people have that fear that they're gonna be buried and not be dead. you can either crawl-- you can either crawl out, if he-if he found out he was alive. >> right. you know, "hoo-haw!" >> right. >> boy, what a mistake that was. or he can reach up and ring the bell. [ bell ringing ] [ laughter ] >> how would you like to be walking through the cemetery one night? >> and this comes-comes by. all right. oh, one more. golf tier, invented this year by jack kennisto. in other words, if you're standing out on a golf practicing range, this automatically-- how does this trip? once i start it? you're out hittin' the balls, right? >> hey, that's great. >> and there's another ball. [ laughter ] tee it up. [ laughter ] >> that's great. >> isn't that wild? >> that's great. >> see, if you're practicing, you can stand and you don't have to lose the position of your feet or anything. you just stay right exactly where you are. it'll hold 60 golf balls. okay, those are just some of the inventions at the inventors-- is there a show there this week? [ applause ] so, i wanna thank ted de boer, who is the-- >> wanna finish the apple? >> director of the national i guess they have a show currently in los angeles. >> we'll find out. >> we'll find out. [ indistinct chatter ] >> seminar, los angeles. >> seminar, los angeles. all right. george foreman will be with us in a moment. some clothes are easier to wear. >> hmm. to show us why. [ applause ] >> if you just joined us, our guests tonight are, uh, lovely sandy duncan. uh, a gal with some of the younger members of the audience might not remember, miss bennie barnes, who made an incredible number of movies out here in hollywood. we have very funny, steve martin. and this gentleman, who, uh, has-- december 19th, was on everybody, told the world, he would be the next heavyweight champion. uh, and he is now. he's, uh, he seems like a very bright young man, very impressionable, and very strong. i, uh, strongly advise that you give him a warm welcome-- to the champion, george foreman. [ applause ] [ music ] [ applause ] nice to meet ya. >> yeah, nice to meet you. >> first of all, congratulations. >> thank you. >> uh, and congratulations. i saw you on "the bob hope show," and, uh, you were doin' those lines very well. uh, have you ever worked that kind of a show at all, or any kind of a variety show or comedy show? >> no, that was my first time. i had a hard time though because they kept makin' me laugh. >> yeah. rickles told me he was after you all day long over there givin' you-givin' you problems. >> he's crazy. >> yeah, just like-- [ laughter ] things about him, george, while you're here. did you ever have any, uh-- you mentioned when you were on the show december the 19th that you were-- that you were gonna win the crowd. did you ever have any doubts about the outcome of the fight at all? >> not really because i had just worked harder than joe frazier. not only for training and practice fights for three and a half years, and he had been partyin' and livin' the good life. he had all the money. i'm just a poor man, so i couldn't lose. >> you think there's some truth into the fact then that the best fighters are sometimes what they call hungry fighters? >> i don't know about hungry, but i guess the one that wants, you know, more. so, what the other guy has, he doesn't really appreciate it. yet, you know, what else can he achieve. you can't be the double heavyweight champion, or the triple heavyweight champion. you can just be the heavyweight champion of the world. >> right. you said something on a show, i think i saw on an interview, you said that-that you didn't feel that the crown didn't belong to you, or no matter who won it, or had it for a while-- you said ali had it for a while, joe frazier had it for a while, and you'll have custody of it, retire, uh, undefeated, uh, you'll probably fight somebody and you might lose it. so, do you feel that way about it? it's yours for now. >> right, you must prevail. i only have it, you know, to do with it what i can for the time bein', and eventually i'll have to give it up. that's a fact. once you think is yours to hold, you're in trouble. >> right. what's your professional record now? >> i've had a total of 39 fights. >> right. >> i've won 'em all. 36 by knockout. >> 36 by knockout. that's incredible. [ applause ] there was a picture in the paper where you hit joe frazier and he was actually off the floor. uh, i mean both feet. like eight or nine inches off the floor. you hit him with some kind of an uppercut, or something? >> yeah, i caught him with a right uppercut. i had put him into position by way of a right hook. i saw him myself, i think a week didn't realize i had hit him with such power, but it was somethin' i had been practicin' all along, and most of my fights had ended that way-- by way of knockout. >> joe frazier weighs what? two hundred and-- >> fourteen, as a matter of fact. >> and to lift a man up in the air by hitting him in the jaw, that's-that's gotta be tremendous. >> what's the hardest shot you've ever, uh, taken? >> i've been fortunate so far. i haven't been knocked down as a pro. >> never been knocked down as a pro? >> never been hurt in a fight, so things have been goin' pretty well. think i better make a good exit pretty quick. >> now, you're not gonna-- you're not gonna do what joe frazier did, are ya? you're not gonna get out now because you're a champion and, uh, say, "i'll go to the parties now?" and, uh, things are pretty good? you said you thought maybe you made that mistake. >> well, really, i don't have any aspiration to be an entertainer, or anything of that nature. i like fightin' because fightin' has been good to me. i like to go home and go to sleep. and i don't think-- i don't fit and i don't drink or smoke and i don't dance that well. so, i just don't fit into that. can't sing a lick. >> can't sing at all? [ laughter ] you can certainly liven a party by lifting somebody off the floor though. >> they call me old dull george foreman. >> yeah, there were-there were some press reports that were, uh, archie moore, advised you to hit frazier on top of the head. now, is that a legal punch or is that just-- was he just-- >> well, frazier is a tremendous fighter. he's got one of the greatest defense around. he has his chin, and, you know, normally a guy gets so excited that he can't find a punch, you know, hit him on the chin ain't a thing to get panicky. so, he advise me wherever you can hit him; on top of the head, on the foot, you know, hit him. [ laughter ] so, uh-- >> just hit him, huh? >> so, then my manager, you know, thought maybe i'd hurt my hand, but it came to the point where he would hide everything, so i hit him on top of the head and he collided. you know, he went down. so, thanks to archie moe. >> so, fighters can call-- hide-hide their chin? >> yeah, that's the button. if a guy protects his chin, he's >> yeah. >> i would do that. i would hide my chin in a locker in scranton. [ laughter ] leave it there during the off season. whatever that means, i have the slightest idea. uh, what was it you said to joe? did-- you went over and talked to joe frazier's manager, what was it, between the fifth and sixth rounds? >> no, the fight didn't go but two rounds. >> w-w-when was it? you walked over and said-- oh, after the knockdown, or something. >> yeah, after the-- >> after the fifth knockdown, i think. >> after the fourth knockdown i told him, you know, i told him he better stop because i'd kill him-- exaggeratin'. >> right. >> but, uh, he took me serious because he-- joe frazier couldn't protect himself at that point. >> right. >> i went out and knocked him down again for the fifth time or sixth time, or somethin' like that. he eventually brought the towel up to save him. you know, he didn't have to get killed in the ring. he had made lots of money and made a good impression on the world. >> right. >> he didn't have anything >> now, you went over-- you talked to frazier after the fight, didn't ya? >> yeah. >> what'd you say to joe? >> i told him that i had more respect for him than any other fighter at this stage, and that, you know, that he was a good fighter, and whatever other kind of compliments you can give a guy after you beat him. [ laughter ] >> yes, is that why is it-- it's kind of wondrous to me because you see fighters, and that would always happen. you go out and you beat each other senseless for ten rounds and always at the end you embrace and kiss like, you know, it was all just in fun. uh, that's just the, uh, respect for each other in the ring, i suppose, huh? >> yeah, i have a lot of respect for most of the guys that i've fought. >> you've been fighting, what, about ten-ten times a year? now, as the champion, you don't do ya, george? >> i don't know, you know. probably the reason i've made it so far as a professional, not because i'm so great or better than everybody in the whole world, it's because i've had a tremendous manager who guided my career in the right way. made me champion of the world, so i pretty much leave him such a major proportion of my earnings. so, if i could do that, you know, say when i could fight, i could keep that in my pocket. so, i leave it up to him, you know? i don't fight-- only when he says. >> right, but you keep in training all the time? >> not really. i do some wrong too. you know-- >> now, we had ali on the show about a week ago, and i asked what would happen if he fought george foreman, and he said, "well, you telegraph your punch." he said you come back like this. that's the way ali did it on the show. he said you come back like this, and you know the punch is comin', and ali said he would go, doot-doot-doot-doot-doot, while you were-while you were doin' this. now-- now, you know, uh, you know ali. is that-- is there any truth to that at all? >> i don't know if i telegraph a punch. i guess it's all right to do whatever you like with your punch so long as it land where you intend, you know? [ laughter ] >> how many-- obviously, joe frazier did not see you telegraph it. >> yeah. >> it arrived late or something. what's your-- do you got your next fight scheduled at all? >> not really. i'm just takin' it easy right now. i guess my manager finally found some contenders who are willin' to challenge me. i just consider myself just another fighter. no different, you know? the world title-- >> except you're the champion. >> that's up to, you know, the people who makes the ratings and everything. i figured i was champion after i turned pro. a lot of guys didn't think so, and they proved it, but, you know, i'm just another fighter. >> when did you-- when did you really wanna become a pro fighter? >> i won a gold medal in mexico in '68. >> that's right. >> afterwards everyone said i would be a great fighter, and so they convinced me that i wanted to be a pro. >> but you never-- what, you signed as a kid? >> no, i had my first amateur fight in february of '67, the next year i was an olympic champion. and, so it happens pretty quick. i had first thought about fightin' when i heard muhammad ali fightin' floyd patterson on the radio. i was in the job corps center. >> that was your first professional fight? everybody looked at me and said, "you're big, why don't you be a fighter?" and eventually i worked >> yeah. what's the best thing a fella could-- suppose a guy's out and he's at a party or he's at a bar, and somebody starts to slug him. what would you suggest he do? i mean... the police. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> you got a point there. i never thought of that. uh-- >> i think that most fighters, the reason we all fight is because we have a lot of fear within us. we've all proven ourselves by, you know, pursuing a professional boxing career. i think that i'm basically a scary man. >> fearful, really? >> yeah. >> when you were a kid did you fight? [ laughter ] as a kid did you fight? uh, were you any kind of trouble as a kid? >> yeah, i was constantly tryin' guys for no reason at all. i'm glad that's over. a lot of times i got whipped. [ laughter ] >> you're, uh, you're 24 now, and, uh, they say a fighter really gets to his peak around 26-27 years old of age. is that true? i mean, physically. >> well, hopefully, at that age i will be goin' on to somethin' new. fightin' has been real good to me. i've become a champion because of all the hard work and a good amount of prayer, and people that think a lot about me. i hope to move onto a greener pasture before 26. >> and what would you like to do? >> well, my wife is in school right now, studying to be something, i like to follow her foot steps, really. >> did you drop out from school along the way somewhere? >> yes, i got my education. high school education in a job program. eventually i'd like to go back to college and get a degree. that's much better than being the champ of the world. >> how about - do >> beg you pardon. >> do you have youngsters? boys? do you have children? >> no, i have one girl. >> yeah. >> had my first child on january 6th, i was preparing for a fight, my trainer told me he was going to send me home to my baby quick. he did too. >> if you - [ laughter ] [ applause ] yeah you did. not the way you had in mind, i'm sure. if you had a boy, would you want him to be a professional fighter? that's a question fighters are often asked. because it's a rough profession and it's-- >> fighting has been really good to me. >> right. >> and i wouldn't say anything wrong about boxing, only if the guy would like to be a fighter, there will be nothing i could do anyway. fighting is something that if it gets to a guy, you can't beat him, evidently he's tough, you know. >> yeah. >> you know, and i'm the one to pursuit a career like that, so it's up to them individually. if my son would like to be a >> george, is a pleasure to meet you and have you on our show and i wish you much luck with your career. you wear the crown very well and most proud of you. would you come back and see us again? >> thanks, george. [ applause ] [ cheers ] [ applause ] i - i seen the amount of the shows and the - he is the kind of man that is opinionated, sure young man. can you imagine lifting somebody up in the air with one punch. >> i'm glad he likes us. >> yes. [ laughter ] now is time to find what's a mediator? [ music ] [ applause ] >> sandy, most delightful, and intelligent young lady. she's starting on her own television series, she is very busy appearing on a lot of television shows, would you welcome please [ applause ] [ music ] >> he was really nice. >> yeah, isn't he? i've never met him before but-- >> he was just- he was gentle and i liked him. >> those are the kind of fellows that always fool you. >> punch you out. >> yeah-- yes, you gotta go and punch out. it was always the quiet ones as a kid, when you grew up, there were very quiet, it's the loud mouth guys you never had to worry about. was some quiet little guy sitting around and then - remember it says the old cliche and then the town bully would pick on him once and the kid will response, just real quiet. you look pretty nice. >> thank you. thank you. congratulations, i'm supposed to right? yeah, you were recently married. >> i am a married lady. >> wow. >> well - i started to say congratulations, you're not >> that's right. >> why do they do that? >> yeah, why do they congratulate the groom for winning the hand of the girl. >> thank you. [ laughter ] >> it goes back, i don't know. it's a long time in history. >> yeah, see - i knew you go back a long time in history. [ laughter ] >> but that's really it, that's why you congratulate the groom and best wishes to the bride. >> i saw your book at the book store. >> very good. it works, see. >> it do-- yeah! [ laughter ] >> what did i lose in here? >> no - right. >> and you married the man - >> no. oh, no. see, it really gives you pause about the credibility gap in the news, all together because they all say is the doctor that got the thing out of my eye but that's not true. he was one of the doctors that was looking for the tumor but he didn't do the actual operation. >> i see. >> you don't fraternize with your patients, that's against doctor rules. >> well, obviously somebody did, or you wouldn't be married, right? [ laughter ] >> anyway, no we did - like you did, you know. we wanted quiet kind of thing >> right? >> so, um, we went up to - we were gonna go skiing, that was the main purpose of the trip, actually. and we thought by the way, we will get married. and, uh, we - >> so it's not to blow the whole weekend. >> right. [ laughter ] >> you know, instead of going to a movie one night - no, so we did and it was weird because we thought to get married in the nevada side, because then you don't have to go through all the license, i mean they make it so easy to get into and so hard to get out, as you know. right? [ laughter ] [ applause] >> i think it's sometimes - sometimes it should be the other way around. they should make it as difficult to get married as it is to dissolve a marriage. >> i agree. two minutes, it was like - do you? - yes i do. fine, good bye and that was it, you know. and the other takes years- anyway, we went in and it was a blizzard and it was snowing and we drove, and we said, okay here is the legitimate piece, lets do it here. so we got out and they said, oh it's snowing, you know, could you go somewhere else. oh okay, fine. we get in the car and drive to another town, this is carson city, you've heard of that? >> oh, yes. >> one of the better places, so the judge wa at court, so we went across the street and gamble a little. came back and we signed the papers, and then we went in and the judge was just arriving, and our best man was his secretary. he was in cowboy boots and a shirt, he was very nice - it was, you know, a quick wedding, then we went on skiing, which is a bad thing to do on your honeymoon. do you sky? >> no, but why is it a bad things to do on your honeymoon? >> they're all so perfect, those people. those girls, they have those itty bitty noses, itty bitty teeth, long blonde hair, and i don't sky. >> oh. snow buddies, isn't that what they call those girls? they live around sky lounges. >> but they are perfect and you know - >> and they wear those thigh sky pants. >> oh, and their outfits, cute outfits, and i'm sitting here with my book and tom is going up perfect girls. [ laughter ] and i thought, that won't work, you see. i've got to learn to sky for self defense, so i got in all the gear - have you ever been in the gear? >> i had sky boots, so i tried it once, years ago when i was in the service. i was in the service, and i put a pair of ski is on and somebody put me up on a slope and it was a disaster. absolute disaster. >> me too. i thought i was going to be the star of the class, i got in the beginners class, and they surround you with a picket fence so you won't hurt the other skiers. [ laughter ] and i kept bearing into the picket fence and the guy who was the instructor - i think he was german and he kept - >> they are - >> something, but they are mean, whatever they are. and i kept getting lounge to the picket fence with my ski is, and he kept coming over to me and saying, you're an embarrassment to the class. >> oh! >> and he says- so i kept trying and finally i thought, i'm not so i'm gonna take off my ski is and go sit with my book. i don't care if those girls are pretty, he said, they are shallow and they are not bright. >> yeah. >> and they have no sense of humor. >> well, he is not going on a scavenger hunt either, i mean. [ laughter ] >> anyway - >> so, that's a funny line you just said. >> what? >> i got tired of trying to have a good time or trying to. >> oh, but that's it, anytime, any kind of sport, i don't know about you but with - it's hard to have a good time. >> yeah. are you jealous? of your husband - i mean, are you possessive? >> oh yeah. >> very possessive? >> yeah. i never knew that before, that a not a quality i thought i had. >> until you get married - >> ah! [ laughter ] >> is he possessive? >> yes, but not as much. man are cooler about things like that, i think. >> yeah, that's interesting. we'll have a word from one of right back. [ applause ] >> we are back. we're talking with sandy duncan young man, and bennie barnes will join us a little later. we talked about sandy - you come from a little town in texas, red small town. >> tyler town. >> tyler, texas. and you went to new york when you were-- >> oh, i was 19. >> 19, now that would scared a lot of people. >> yeah, except i-- it would scare - well it did, except i moved into a very shelter environment which was good for me because around 14,or 15, my mother kept saying, is there anything you want to talk about, and i'd say no. so it's a good thing that i moved into a place called "the rehearsal club," uh, it's like a girls dorm, sort of in new york city. carol burnett lived there, lot of people lived there, and it's great because you have built-in friends, and you kind of learn the ins and outs without having to cope immediately with new york, which is a lot to cope with when you're shelter from a small town. and, uh, the people who live there-- is all kind, you know, for people, belly dancers, and everything. huh? >> all women? >> no. yes. [ laughter ] >> come on. >> all women, in fact man aren't allow above the first floor, they have a little sitting - it's very provincial and very nice. uh, anyway, so i lived there for about 3 years, but the first i was there they had a thing where you set the alarm system if you open the window to far, and the police come and the bells ring, and i did that and they allowed me to stay. [ laughter ] >> why did you do that? >> i didn't mean to. >> oh, i see. >> and then the very next week, i was getting ready for a date and so - you weren't supposed to have electrical appliances-- it's an old building, they try to make money now to renovate it-- and i had everything. i had a tv, radio, hair dryer, plug-in curlers, the whole thing, so i plugged my hair dryer to get ready for the date and the lights started to flicker and i just panic. thinking, they're going to thrown me out, here i am, i don't know anybody in new york and thought oh my god, i ran out on the hall and say cherie, come here, the lights are off in the room. she came in and says, yes they are, they are off and you've done it now. so we started hiding everything and all the sudden the girls are talking out in the hallway, we go out and i said, i have blown this whole building cherie, the fuse is blown and i've done it, they're going to kick me out. so the girls are running around, screaming and it's dark, and i go to look out of the window because-- and i've blown the block. >> the whole block? >> the whole block is gone and it turns out to be the new york city blackout, it wasn't me after all. [ laughter ] >> oh, that's funny. you were there during that blackout. we were getting ready to tape the show that night and it went out about i think around 5:30 and that was the strangest town to walk around that evening, so you did it with your hair dryer. >> that's right. >> we'll be right back. you got a cold, here's a word nasty cough. [ music ] [ applause ] >> um, steve martin is on the show tonight. steve work before, uh, it's difficult to explain exactly what he does. it's usually something a little bit strange, he'll be appearing in a concert with "the nitty gritty dirt band" in new york's town hall on march 9th. and i haven't the slightest idea what he's prepared tonight, but we'll find out. would you welcome, steve martin. [ applause ] [ music ] >> thank you. thank you very much. i don't deserve this. well, uh, hi folks. may i take your order? [ laughter ] actually, why i'm out here tonight, i've been doing a lot of tv shows lately, you know, the tonight show, you know, and big deals. and i began to realize that in order to succeed in television, you have to appeal to everybody, you know, from the garbage collector, right on down to the business executive. and i realize that there is one group, i'm just not appealing to, in fact very few people have even tried to appeal to them, dogs. now, a lot of dogs watch tv, you know, and there is nothing really on that they can enjoy, you know. maybe a couple of dog food commercials, and that's it, you know. so i took it up on myself and i worked up a comedy act for dogs. [ laughter ] now, i know that sounds stupid, but i did the act for my dog and he went in hysterics. [ laughter ] and then i went to get some of the neighbors dogs and i did the cat for them, and they were on the floor. [ laughter ] rolling with doggy laughter. [ laughter ] now, the weird thing is - you have to take this into account - if you are a human being, you won't get the jokes. [ laughter ] it'll be like, what?