ask me a geometry question. i'm tired. i need a break. you can'tlet me down. you've helped methrough four roundsof the quiz-off. the championshipsare only three days away. it's televised. i've got tobe prepared. alex, you're violating child labor laws. please. i love it when you beg. can you move those books? we need to fix dinner. i don't want to break my concentration. why don't you go out? here's a couple bucks. alex! sorry, mom. i'm excited about the quiz-off. me, too. this morningi dropped offmy plans for the set. how did daddy like them? he didn't see them, but he'll love my ideas. all right, hit mewith a literaturequestion. in act five, scene five, of macbeth, macbeth reflects on the nature of life. quote the passage exactly. hi, gang. hi, dad. alex, how you doing today? "life's but a walking shadow, "a poor player that struts and frets "his hour upon the stage, "then is heard no more. "it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." he seemsa little depressed. he's practicing for the tournament finals. what did you thinkof my set designs? it's hard to discuss them without having them here. they're at the office. i happen to havean extra copy right here. what a break. [telephone rings] i'll get that. hello. just a second. alex, it's for you. yeah. hello. oh, hi, ted. what do you mean you can't make it sunday? 104 temperature. so what? it's not even life-threatening until 105. you'll make it. come on! ted... oh, i'm sorry, doctor. i didn't mean to excite him. listen... if ted regains consciousness, could you-- hello? great. just great. ted quinn can't make the finals. why not? i don't know. some gibberish aboutinfectious pneumonia. now our team'sa man short. what about susan aronson? she's very bright. she's inthe 11th grade. each team consistsof one player from the 10th, 11th,and 12th grades. where can i find a bright, quick-thinking10th grader by sunday? alex, i know we don't get along, in this desperate situation. i'm in 10th grade. i'll be on your team. maybe if we set ted in a glass booth, he wouldn't infect anybody. alex, i'd be good. you? yes, her. do you think you're the only one interested in academic challenge? yeah, i loveacademic challenges. besides,it's going to beon television. there's an exchange student from brazil who's pretty bright. could you ask some questions in portuguese? ok. ok, petey. one more question. grover clevelandwas elected tothe presidency twice-- in 1884,and again in 1892. who was cleveland'ssecretary of the treasury during his second term? uh... petey, i don't thinkthis will work out. i mean,let's face it. most of the questionswill be in english. [speaking portuguese] nice try, pal. hey, que sera, sera. ciao. ciao. jennifer! yes? bring in the next guy. he wasthe last one, alex. he can't be. there must be one qualified kid in 10th grade. there's plentyof them, but none wantedto be on the teamwith you. i can't understand that. i merely set a few simple rules. alex, you wanted themto salute you. i'm the captain of the team. they must learnto respect authority. i don't know. i've got to think. i'm sorry, elyse. i've been revisingthese plans all day. why are youso resistent? i'm not resistent to your ideas, elyse, but theater-in-the-round isn't what we want. you don't like it? i'm not saying that. you do? i'm not saying that. i'm saying it's a high school quiz show, not my fair lady. that's it! the quiz will belike my fair lady. we've got the set for it. you don't understand. i've got to findmy eliza doolittle. a 10th graderwho knows virtuallynothing about anything. an empty vesseli can fill with my knowledge,my insight, my wisdom. someone whose mindis a total blank. mom, can you help me in the kitchen? i'm making a snack and i forgot how the blender works. mallory. all right, mallory. let's turn tothe next question. we've been doing this for hours. she needs her rest. jennifer, i don't think you fully appreciate what an enormous task i've undertaken here. i'm taking a simple peasant girl... whose greatest prior achievement was coordinating her eyeshadow with her sweater, and i'm turning her into someone who could have a conversation with me. she needs more incentivethan that, alex. let's just get this over with. you're getting too pompous. ok. it's a geography question. at the southern tip of chile, lies a body of water named for a famous explorer. name this body of water. uh...a body of water, right? named forthe famous explorer. come on, now.southern tip of chile. the hudson river. that's not right? it's the straits of magellan. you guys are still at it? i'm glad you're here. we need another dry run. we've already had five dry runs. just one more. we're so close. mallory named all the cabinet members. that was me, alex. ok. we need the work. mom, dad, do it for mallory. for a few minutes. elyse and jennifer sit over there, mallory and alex sit here. i'll stand here. you should standon the chair. why? according to myrevised revised plan, the moderator's podiumis elevated. well, i'm not sure we'll be doing it that way. why not? there's a variety of factors involved. could you guys discuss this later? it's getting late. it's very important mallory gets some sense of what the tournament will be like. ok, first question. in mythology. great. you'regood at this. remember the guywith the wingson his feet. who was romulus' twin brother? i don't knowthat one, mom.do you? yes. would you liketo share it with us? i'm not answering. i've designed six good sets for this show. you were going to design a simple set. most viewers won't have 3-d glasses. mom! mom! dad, please. we're on television here. question now goes over to harding high. who was romulus' twin brother? uh... uncle remus. not uncle remus,just remus. i bet he was somebody's uncle. that's enoughfor one day. i have other planswe can look over. actually, you can't practice too much. oh, ok. how about interlockingplexiglass platforms. they can bepowered hydraulically. we'll talk about it. let's drill a little more. alex, i'm tired. just a couple more. now, what do the letters that's likeskin diving, isn't it? yes. yes, it is. what do the letters stand for? we've gone over this before. self-containedunderwater breathingapparatus. what did you say? self-containedunderwater breathingapparatus. again. self-contained underwater breathing apparatus. by george, she's got it! self-contained underwater breathing apparatus! and who invented it? hi. you're onone of the teams? uh-huh. the harding team. great. good luck. how exciting. this year we're the judges. i'm sort ofthe head judge. i'm cohead. i'm the alternate head judge. nice to meet you all. i'm so nervous. don't worry. you'll do fine. i hope so. why are you talking with these clowns? alex, these clowns are the judges. hi. how you doing? i'm alex keaton. nice jacket. like that tie, too. probably back in style again real soon. why didn't you say they were the judges? you didn't let me. forget it. let's go oversome things. you memorizedthe greek alphabet? no. name the four galaxiesnearest the milky way. you're making me more nervous. take your places. we're about to start. come on, girls.take your places. get harding,harding, fight! ok, everybody. just relax and forget you're on tv. make believe nobody's watching. let's go. count it, andy. 5, 4, 3, 2... good evening. i'm steven keaton, the station manager here at wks. and welcome to the final round of wks high school quiz-off. let's meet our teams. on my right, the finest minds of st. mary's high school-- mary catherine robbins, mary beth mcallister, and mary margaret dunne. and to my left, the top minds of harding high school-- grover garver, mallory keaton, our judges are the champions from last year from east high school. let me remind you that the decision of the judges is final. and now, let us begin. the first question. [buzz] it's easier to answer when you know what the question is. i'm quite certain i'll know it, mr. keaton. let's begin again. "there's a body of water at the tip of southern chile "that's named for the first man to circumnavigate the globe." what is this body of water? the body-- to the camera. right.to the camera. the body of water... five seconds, harding. ma... ma... anyone else on the harding team? mallory keaton. straits of massachusetts. no, no. i'm sorry. the correct answer was the straits of magellan. the straits of massachusetts is incorrect. [ring] wait a minute. the judges say close enough. wait a minute. i'm sorry. that's the wrong answer. but, but, but as i said, the decision of the judges is final. harding gets credit. uh, the next question. "what is the name of the military alliance the treaty of moscow. no. i'm sorry. the question goes over to harding high. alex keaton. the wa... the wa... wa... mallory keaton,harding high. the warsaw pact? you're right. the correct answeris the warsaw pact. "what is the longest suspension bridge in the united states?" the verrazano- narrows bridge. correct! five pointsfor harding. [buzz] the question was alreadyanswered, mallory. i thought you might like to know what the secondlongest suspension bridge is. no, not really. but apparently the judges do. the golden gate bridge. now it's all tied. here's another five-point bonus question. "how many bones in the human body?" [buzz] [buzz] that was very close. i don't think i can call it. judges? mallory.mallory. mallory. ok, mallory. "how many bonesare in the human body?" 206. 27 in each hand. 26 in each foot. that's correct. now, the final question for 10 points, which will decide the match. "masters and johnson... are known for their research in what area?" mary catherine. that's correct! st. mary's wins 145 to 140. thank you for being here. good night, everybody. alex, alex. are you ok? hey, alex. alex, come on. straits of magellan! honey, are you ok? mom? dad, is that you? yeah. what happened? nothing serious.just an attackof stage fright. you should've seen yourself. you looked like a zombie. you couldn't move. you couldn't talk. i can't believe it. this must be a nightmare. it's all on videotape. oh, alex,she's exaggerating. it wasn't that bad. how did the team do? you lost,but not by much. mallory was fantastic. she answered questionsin history, biology. you should beproud of her. we lost, huh? yeah, but mallory-- ok, ok. we have 26 daysto file a complaint. the captain of the teamwas incapacitated. alex, it's over. it can't be over.we didn't win. excuse me. mr. keaton. my teacher said my answer to the crusade question is correct. what's the difference?your team won. we want to win by more. isn't it possiblethat your teacheris wrong? i don't think so. she really knows her crusades. uh... i'll be right back. i was readyfor this contest. i knew everythingthere was to know. ask me any question. why are you like this? no. generalknowledge stuff. history, literature. can't you see what happened? this quiz-off was supposed to be fun. well, maybe not on this set. but you turned it into the spanish inquisition. the spanish inquisition.1478 to 1834. alex, see what your doing? sorry, mom. you're pushing yourself too hard. there is a limit to how much a human being can accomplish. you've got to slow down. mom, dad needs help. those st. mary's girls really have him on the ropes. you don't look so good, alex. excuse me. i've been comatosefor two hours. i didn't have a chanceto freshen up. can i talk to youfor a second? sure. this has beena pretty rough weekfor you, huh? it's good training. if i ever have to stand up for questioning by the secret police, i'm ready. kick me every timei get out of hand. there's not enough places to kick. i'm sorry. come on. let's go home. this has been oneof the worst daysof my life. yeah. why are you smiling? i knew the answers. maybe i'm smarter than i thought. maybe so. i'd answer that, but i have the right to remain silent. not bad. not bad.

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