>> if black america were a country unto itself, it would have the 16th worst aids epidemic in the world. >> and the challenge for the future. >> ending the epidemic is entirely within our power. but we have to have courage. >> we've been at this for 30 years, and we need to be talking about endgame. >> frontline is made possible by contributions to your pbs station from viewers like you. thank you. and by the corporation for public broadcasting. major funding is provided by the john d. and catherine t. macarthur foundation, committed to building a more just, verdant and peaceful world. and by reva and david logan, committed to investigative journalism as the guardian of the public interest. additional funding is provided by the park foundation, dedicated to heightening public awareness of critical issues. and by tfrontline journalism fund, with a grant from the brian a. mccarthy foundation. major funding for this program is provided by the ford foundation and by the m a c aids fund. >>arrator: hollywood, california. december 1. (din of large crowd) there are a lot of red carpet galas in this town, but this one is different. (applause) >> this has been a remarkable journey. today is world aids day and today in america 152 people will become infected with hiv. half of them will be black. today in america, two thirds of the new hiv cases among women will be black. today in america 70% of the new hiv cases among youth will be black. that is why our resolve to end aids must not end tonight. >> narrator: aids in america has become a crisis no one imagined when a mysterious new disease was first noticed 30 years and three miles from here. >> thirty years ago, i was a junior professor at ucla teaching immunology, and we wanted to have a case to discuss on rounds. and so i asked the residents if there were such a case, and he came back with our ucla patient zero, if you will. >> my recollection of the very first case was a white young man who presented to the hospital with shortness of breath. he was hungry for air. >> this is someone who was previously healthy, who, all of a sudden, has dropped 25 pounds and looks like a scarecrow. >> narrator: when every patient with the new disease died, alarmed officials sent out an international alert. but from the start, something was missing. >> in medicine, when we describe a patient to say, "this is a 31-year-old white, single, gay male." but in our reports, we said nothing whatsoever about race. it really is an omission on our part. the first five patients were white. the next two were black. the sixth patient was a haitian man. the seventh patient was a gay african american man, here in los angeles. most of those first patients died within months. we had no information and no treatment. >> in june of '81, we were thinking, "oh, this is something among gay men, here in los angeles. and, yes, some are white and a couple are black. no big deal." >> narrator: but it was a big deal. the media ran headlines of a killer plague among gay men. but the stories and the images were white. >> ...contagious form of cancer... >> i was a young, black, gay man from the south side of chicago. i had never even heard of fire island, i was not a west hollywood person, i had barely ever been... barely ever been to san francisco. i was in san francisco when i was ten years old. so none of this mattered to me. my thought was, "you know, thank god it is them and not us." for once in a lifetime, it is about white people and it's not about black people. >> narrator: around the country, in gay communities like san francisco's castro district, word spread about the mysterious killer disease. but on the other side of the bay, in oakland, it was a different story. >> that bridge really is a divider. they are literally two different worlds. when a black person would go to the door of the white gay clubs in san francisco back in the '80s and '90s, we would be asked for two, three, four pieces of id before we could get in. we weren't considered a hot spot. it was san francisco. even though we were burning, too. >> all i can say about the difference in the early '80s from san francisco and oakland is that it was silence. while in san francisco they were acting up, literally, and talking about hiv, over in oakland it was silence and fear. >> we sit in oakland across the bay from san francisco. san francisco is known around the world as a gay community. san francisco is 4% african american. oakland, on the other hand, is 45% african american. so they're going to live in oakland and they are going to use the proximity of this positively identified gay community to feel okay and safe about their sexual identity. and they are going to do it silently in oakland, and they are going to live here and they are going to socialize here, and they're going to be attached to a san francisco environment. that is very important in the african american community. we don't have the safety of numbers or resources to have an out, active community. >> we grow up in families that say you don't tell people your business. so that prevailed about spreading your business around and the distrust of if you tell your business, how someone would take that and use it against you. >> narrator: in the 1980s, jesse was an a student, a national guardsman, and a model... and he was hiding. >> the african american community, and a lot of communities, have stigma around being gay. i had an uncle, and i remember being in the car with him, and he pointed to an obviously gay man and said, "i hate them." and this is my uncle, who was my favorite uncle, and it crushed me. and so it also led me to not want to open up about who i am, and for me to be ashamed about who i am. >> we all grow up with, "don't put your business on the street," and, "don't hang out your dirty laundry," and all these phrases around keeping secrets. you don't tell other folks how poor you are. you don't tell other folks, you know, that you can't pay the rent. you don't tell other folks that so-and-so is sick. and you certainly don't tell other folks that there's a gay son, and you don't tell other folks that someone in the family has aids. it's all about those things that you think are ways to protect yourselves. you know, going all the way back to slavery, you know, that the slaves kept secrets that you didn't take... you didn't tell the master about the conversations that were happening in the slave quarters, you know. and while, thank god, we're not in that place, but some of that cultural baggage travels with us. >> i think we thought about aids as afflicting only white people and then only white gay people, and there were no black gay people. it meant that as the disease grew and grew and grew and grew, and we tended to ignore it and pay no attention to it, or to think it was something that didn't affect anybody that we knew, and therefore not a matter of concern for us. which is foolish, and criminal even, but nonetheless i think that was pretty much the attitude. >> i was aware as a sexologist that if you have a disease that spreads through sex, it's going to spread everywhere. it's not going to stay in one community, and sexual orientation has nothing to do with the spread of aids. and i think that some of the people in the public health field really didn't have a very realistic sense about how aids was going to affect men, women, and children. >> narrator: and, in time, that's exactly what would happen. >> i have five children and i have 17 grandchildren and i have five great-grandchildren. yeah, a lot of babies. a lot of babies. >> narrator: nel's retired now, after a full career as a nurse. her focus is on her family and, as always, on her church. (singing) >> you know, there are a lot of churches where people come to church, they do their work at the church, and then they go home and that's it. but new hope is a church where we come together, we-we feast together, you know, we enjoy one another's friendship and fellowship. hey, girl. how you doing this morning? it's almost like, you know, when i was growing up, don't mess with me because i got my two brothers. and that's the way it is at new hope, which is sort of like a family. >> narrator: so it seemed natural when, 14 years after she was divorced, someone in the parish caught nel's eye. >> well, actually, i didn't meet him. he was in my church all along. he was a deacon in my church but i didn't know his name and, you know, it was just passing and going, so, so anyway he finally introduced himself. >> well, rodney was one ofhe nicest guys in this church, good-looking guy, and he was a good catch. and i think that there were many ladies in this church that would have jumped at the chance. >> it was a happy time. we had a lot in common, great sense of humor. we liked to do a lot of things together. the only thing that was kinda different he was a raider fan and i'm cow... a dallas cowboy fan, so that was a little, you know, didn't quite, didn't quite mix too well but we got through that. so he asked me to marry him and i said yes. and so we was engaged for about a year. you know, so we prepared. you know, if you're gonna married in a church you have to go through the six-week marriage counseling. so we went through all of that. >> the first thing we do is we go over the biblical concept of love. and then we deal with finances, keeping the excitement in your marriage, and then, you know, talking and how to communicate with your wife-- six major subjects that it deals with. >> after the six weeks, we was fine. so then we got married. the children was there, the grandchildren-- actually my grandchildren was my wedding party. and my granddaughters was the little flower girls. so, from there we took off and he wanted to go on a cruise and i wanted to go to disney world, 'cause i'm afraid of the water, so we went to disney world. and the whole while i was there i was sick and i didn't think too much about it because, you know, the hustle and bustle trying to get through the wedding, and we both had bad colds, so, i was in bed. you know, basically the whole while i was in bed, and couldn't eat and just, you know just really sick. >> narrator: after the honeymoon, months went by and nel didn't feel any better, but she settled into married life. >> so, this one particular morning i was making the bed, making our bed, and on his side of the bed was his bible. so, and you know, just kind of disrupted bible and it was unzipped, so all of the content of it fell out. so i was trying to get it back in... you know, he wasn't there. i was tying to get it back in. i just felt like i had been invading his privacy. and this letter that i could not put back in its proper place, it was a letter from the blood bank. so at first i didn't wanna open it. but i had this burning, it was like, "you need to read that." i can't express to you what that feeling was but it was like, "you must read this." so, i-i did, i opened it up and i read it and it started off staying, you know, informing him that, uh, that he had been diagnosed with hiv/aids and that he should, you know, seek medical, you know, attention. and this letter was dated a year before we got married. so, at that time i-i read it and i read it. i could not believe it. so... excuse me. but during that time i still didn't put it together, you know, why i had been sick or ill or anything. so i sat him down and i asked him was there something that he forgot to share with me before we got married and he said, "no, no, no, we have no secrets. i told you everything." and i said, "i'm gonna ask you again, is there something that you forgot to tell me before we got married?" and he said no again and i said, "now i'm gonna ask you again. think about this before you answer this time." and i asked again and he said, "no, no. no, there is nothing, i've... you know, everything about me you know." and that's when i showed him the letter. i said, "well, did you forget to tell me this?" and... (sighs). at that time he said, "i tried to tell you, but i was afraid i would lose you if i had of told you." and i said at that time, "no, how could you love me and keep such a secret from me?" this is the worst kind of betrayal that anyoneould do, you know, to anybody. i said, "this is not love." >> narrator: nel knew she had to get an hiv test for herself. the results would come in two weeks. >> and that was the longest two weeks that i've ever had to wait for anything in my life. (churchgoers singing) >> one morning, we were coming for bible study and i walked up and i just put my arm around her and asked her how she was doing. and she said, "oh, i don't know." >> but during that time i knew that it was gonna come back positive because it had been too much time. and... and it did, it came back positive and i... i went through such a rollercoaster ride. i didn't want to live. i wanted to commit suicide. i... i didn't know how i was gonna tell my children, my grandchildren. i didn't know enough about hiv/aids. i was under the impression i was gonna die immediately. i had lost about 20-some, about 23 pounds. i couldn't sleep. i couldn't eat. i couldn't focus on my job. i mean, i was just a mess. i mean, a mess. i was a total mess. >> i think the thing that was so painful to me was the fact that he knew this. he knew this before he ever asked her out. it was frustrating. it was extremely difficult and it took a lot of prayer for me to be able to... to even treat him like a human being, much less be there for him and meet his needs. but i had to do it because i was his pastor. but i felt like nel ought to go down and report it and have him arrested for it. that's what i felt. and i know, you know, when i go to give blood, there's a little thing that says, you know, if you knowingly do this and if you knowingly have relationships, you know... i mean, it's illegal! but nel didn't want to do anything, and she did tell me that. she said, "you know, because i love my husband." >> i trusted him with my life. i did, i just trusted him with my life. that's how much i loved him. and after i found out in the manner that i found out, i still loved him, but i could never trust him again. my respect was gone, and just so much was gone. and to this day i love him. i still love him. but that's not enough. >> wake up, everybody. kpoo san francisco, oakland, hayward, marin. joining me now on the limeline, it's a pleasure to welcome back to the program, mr. jesse brooks, who is an aids activist. good morning, sir. >> good morning, donald. >> hey, how you doing? >> i'm great man, awesome. >> good to hear from you, man, and as a lot of our listeners know, thursday is world aids day, and lately it seems that the focus isn't there as much as it was. talk about that whole struggle. >> well, i think, one, is the mindset that this was a white man... a white, gay man's disease. >> absolutely. >> and so people still have that mindset that it's a gay disease, but it's not. it's a sex disease. you know, i've been positive since 1993. so to look at me, i could be any brother from the street. >> mm hmm, that's right. >> and so that's what the face of hiv looks like, and that's why i do what i do. my brother died of hiv. leon anthony brooks was my oldest brother. and he was an awesome brother. very creative, very handsome. he was my idol. in the early '80s, when people were first getting hiv and aids, it was a visual thing. you can see people with aids. there was so much stigma. and he got sick in front of our whole family. so, you know, we saw him die as a family and, so... but it also instilled fear in me that when i became positive i just knew i was going to die. and leon's story is like so many of my friends and people that i was maturing with at-at the age of 18, 19. so many of those people i danced with in the clubs didn't make it. they're not here today. >> the clubs were our home, our place to come out, and get support from one another. it was like our community center, but, of course, it was a night club. >> narrator: the clubs were a refuge from the outside world, where they lived a double life. >> at the time, i was very much into religion, and, you know, i was raised that way. but one day, my roommate, he asked me to come to his church. and there was the minister standing in front of me, and he said, "there's a demon here. a homosexual demon." and i thought... i mean, you know, usually in church often you will feel it's you and they're not talking about you directly, but he was talking about me. and he said, "we learned that there's a homosexual demon here." he walked right in front of me and put his hand on my head and started trying to cast the homosexual demon out of me. and i felt so crushed and so betrayed by my roommate, you know, i literally got up and i grabbed the guy's... the evangelist's arm and twisted it, and i said, "there's a demon in here and it's you." and i just walked out of the church. >> i remember growing up in the church and being a part of, with my mother, with my brothers, a hearing a homophobic sermon that would just make me want to shrink in the pews and be silent and look around and see other men feeling the same way. and then after church, no one talks about it and we just go on to our homes. and what i finally realized is how damaging that was to me as a young person trying to accept his identity. and i was in so much pain, and i carried this silently around and i was looking for a pain release. and people used to say that you use drugs because you have all this stuff inside and so the drugs took away the pain. but then it started taking away everything else and it just led to this whole cycle... years of deterioration for me. i was involved in the cycle for a long time. >> narrator: it was during those years that jesse contracted hiv. at the same time in the '80s, drug use in cities like oakland had become its own epidemic. >> and this is a local area where folks come and hang out. little drug use goes on here. intravenous drug use. smoking the crack. a lot of the sex workers come here also. my name is willie dudley, i'm a recovering addict. i have 11 years clean. i have a different life now. i can see life through life's terms. so, not that i don't think about it, 'cause there were some good times with the drugs now, there was good times. there was more bad times. which led me to get various things such as herpes... hiv. >> narrator: back when willie was infected, hiv was spreading fast among addicts, but it was invisible. deaths were mounting and no one was paying attention. >> a lot of our clients, the first thing they'll say is, "god bless you. thank you all, i wish you all had been here back when i first started in the '60s or the '70s. this... i've got 15 to 20 friends that are in the ground now." >> narrator: drug addicts were vulnerable to hiv because the virus entered the community at a particular time in history. >> in the 1980s, it's important to recall, that with communities becoming increasingly poor, with high rates of unemployment, with ferocious housing segregation, the jobs were no longer there. and all of a sudden the drug guy, the dope man became the person who, for all intents and purposes, was the employer of first choice. >> narrator: the business boomed. people got hooked and overdosed. hospitals were overwhelmed. >> so we're at this crisis point. we can recognize that drug abuse is a public health challenge and treat people who are dealing with this challenge, or we can do what was ultimately decided-- we can declare this as a criminal justice issue, that this is a crime that's being committed within the community that requires a massive police response. >> narrator: the law that mattered most to the spread of hiv was known as the "drug paraphernalia law". it made it illegal to carry a needle. >> so it became clear to drug users that if you're gonna have a spike on y