Donald trump won last nights debate. Its the worst debate performance for a republican since Clint Eastwood lost to that chair. [ laughter ] [ growling ] good rebuttal, chair. [ laughter ] donald trump told reporters today that he gives Hillary Clinton a c plus for her performance in last nights debate. A c plus . [ light laughter ] then what was your grade . An h . [ laughter ] donald trump blamed his poor performance on a defective mic that may have been planted at his podium on purpose. Apparently the mic had a defect that caused it to pick up everything he said. [ laughter ] wait, people are hearing this . [ applause ] well thats very bad for me. [ applause ] according to twitter of the five million tweets about last nights president ial debate 62 [ laughter ] hold on. During the debate Donald Trumps campaign was reportedly deleting old tweets that contradicted his onair claims. [ light laughter ] and i think we actually have a clip of that process. [ laughter and applause ] seth for those of you too young to remember that was eleanor roosevelt. [ laughter ] the New York Post published photos yesterday showing patriots Quarterback Tom Brady spending some of his deflategate suspension tanning naked in italy with his super model wife, gisele. Well, i hope hes learned his lesson. A spokesperson for the taliban issued a statement saying the terrorist group was very eager to watch last nights debate between Hillary Clinton and donald trump except. For achmed who had 20 on the falcons to beat new orleans. Could we at least switch over and check the score, man . Come on, i got no service here. [ laughter ] like everybody from my fantasy team is in that game. A new Study Suggests that suffering from morning sickness may indicate expectant mothers are just be careful as to when you deliver that fact. Honey are you in there . You sound awful. Anyway, i got some great news. Youre healthy. [ laughter ] now some of you may have seen this, Hillary Clinton released a new campaign ad this weekend called mirrors. Its drawing a lot of attention. The way the ad works is it features young women looking into mirrors intercut with donald trump insulting the physical appearance of various id look her right in that fat ugly face of hers. Shes a slob. She ate like a pig. A person who is flat chested is very hard to be a ten. Seth you know its really an effective technique because it reminds you many of the awful things he said about women. But it should be noted that Donald Trumps insults have never been limited to just women. Hell insult anyone and anything he doesnt care for. In fact we managed to get a hold of hillarys next campaign ad. So please enjoy an early cut of mirrors two. Im Hillary Clinton and i approve this message. . . When mexico sends its people, theyre not sending their best. What do you have to lose . Youre living in poverty. Your schools are no good. You have no jobs. The press are liars. Theyre terrible people. . . Some wall street guys, theyre brutal. Theyre miserable. You wouldnt want to go out to the referees they want to all throw flags so there wife sees them at home. Oh, theres my husband. [ laughter ] how stupid are the people of iowa. [ laughter ] hairspray is not like it used to be. It used to be real good. [ laughter ] i thought seth meyers frankly, his delivery was not good. Hes a stutterer. Seth thats fair. [ laughter ] . . [ applause ] seth and finally, a group is set to launch a calendar exclusively featuring partially nude photos of red headed men. Unless their demands are met [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight. [ cheers and applause ] we have a good one. From the new film, miss peregrines home from peculiar children, our friend [ cheers and applause ] one of the all time greats. Shes one of the all time greats too. My old colleague and good friend from saturday night live, Cecily Strong is here to talk about their season premiere and hopefully this summer. And also from the Esquire Network, the show is car matchmaker, he is the host, Spike Feresten is joining us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] its a great show. Last night, we were live. Which is very exciting. We like doing live shows. We had great guests last night and, you know one of the things about hosting a talk show is you get to have people all the time that youre excited to talk to. Last night david ortiz was on the show. Im a huge Boston Red Sox fan and it was a big deal to me that david ortiz was sitting right there and i wanted it to go well. I felt a little extra pressure because it was big papi. And unfortunately for me, midway through our ten minute interview i realized oh i have to sneeze. And i fought it off as well as i unfortunately it was live, so i knew if i sneezed we werent gonna be able to edit it out. And well, there you go. Take a look. Seth you have a favorite memory here at the end . Well, you know [ sneeze ] seth sorry. [ laughter ] i have heres the thing. I have been working on that sneeze for like ten minutes [ laughter ] and i almost made it. Almost. [ laughter ] seth i did almost make it, but i want to show you that just so you see how hard i was working. The noble effort i made to not sneeze while david ortiz was here. Seth obviously youve never seen this before. This is a half red sox and half yankees controller in honor of you. Thats pretty great. A lot of fight. Seth a lot of fight. [ laughter ] what is your do you have a favorite memory here at the end . Well, you know [ sneeze ] seth sorry. So apologies. Apologies to big papi but also thank you so much for coming on. All right, moving on. We talked about it last night, donald trump and Hillary Clinton faced off in their first debate. And today the consensus seems clear on who won which prompted donald Trump Supporters to look for excuses. For more on this, its time for a closer look. . . [ applause ] seth before the debate even started it was clear to many there was a double standard in candidate. Like this from conservative pundant hugh hewitt. I think the pressures actually on secretary clinton. She has so many things she cant do. She can not cough. She can not laugh with the distinctive hillary laugh. She can not shout like she did at her supporters last week and she can not condescend. On the other hand donald trump just has to be affable. Seth so she cant laugh, she cant cough, she cant shout or condescend. Basically she has to act like a Ninja Bank Robber weaving meanwhile trump just has to be a cplus walmart greeter. [ laughter ] so based on the expectations his own supporters helped set, all trump had to do was be a normal person and he would have been declared the winner and yet he still managed to lose. [ light laughter ] even fox news had to glumly admit that he lost, although they did have plenty of excuses. The rest of the debate hes been as good in the first 11 or 20 minutes, however you want to count for, he would have won that debate and we might be looking at a different race. The most critical point of any debate, particularly last night, was the first 30 minutes when people were really tuned in. Those were Donald Trumps best minutes. Hillary was mean, nasty, personal. She looked i think for the most part, she looked composed, smug sometimes. Not necessarily attractive. Seth she . She didnt look attractive . Last night Donald Trumps face looked like someone was making a fist inside a sock puppet. [ laughter ] but even in his worst moments trump had a best bud to fall back on. You might remember last night, trump continued to falsely claim he opposed the iraq war, incited one fox host in particular who he said could prove it if people would just call him. Everyone refuses to call sean hannity. Nobody wants to call him. Nobody calls sean hannity. If somebody would call up sean hannity. [ laughter ] seth he sounds like hannitys jewish mother trying to set him up on a date. Hes a nice boy. He has his own tv show. Youre not getting any younger. After the debate of course, theres the time honored tradition of candidates leaving the stage and embracing their loved ones. And trump was no different rushing directly into the arms of the only person who truly understood him. Weve got trump speaking to our own sean hannity. [ laughter ] seth and it makes sense that trump went to sean hannity, because hannity was one of the few people who thought trump actually won this debate. A very good night for i thought trump was very articulate. He was himself, but he didnt fall into the trap. He could of hit her so hard that everybody in that audience would have gone, oh. Seth they would have been like, oh, which makes sense because trump is the Jerry Springer show of candidates. [ laughter ] although hannity didnt always get help from his guests, like when he asked former candidate ben carson for his take on the debate. Whats your take on the general reaction to the debate . [ laughter ] are you asking me, sean . Can you hear me . Oh. Okay. Yes. Yes, sir. [ laughter ] seth ben carson must have been such a mess in school plays. Where art thou romeo . Romeo . Ben . Huh . [ light laughter ] none the less trump seemed to take his cues from hannity, bragging this morning that he won the debate and citing several online polls he said he won to prove it. Every poll i won slate. The vote in the poll. I won time magazine. I won cbs. Seth thats right he won cbs, which is news to cbs as their chief White House Correspondent tweeted this morning, quote, donald trump said he won a cbs news post debate poll, we did not conduct a post debate poll. [ laughter and applause ] come on cbs, let him have this one thing. He had a very hard night. This poor man. Trumps biggest problem was his own lack of ar prepare for the most important 90 minutes of his campaign and it showed. Like for example on terrorism he could have tried to engage in a serious debate about isis and how to defeat it. Instead he got into this back and forth with hillary. Well at least i have a plan to fight isis. No, no. Youre telling the enemy everything you want to do. No were not. No were not. See youre telling the enemy everything you want to do. No wonder youve been fighting no wonder youve been fighting isis your entire adult life. Seth thats right. She has been fighting isis her [ laughter ] which lead to this fact check from the associated press. One of the better fact checks in history. Hillary clinton was born in 1947 and is 68yearsold. She reached adult hood in 1965. The Islamic State group grew out of an al qaeda spin off, al qaeda in iraq, in 2013. [ laughter and applause ] although although, i guess its not surprising someone had to explain to trump when adulthood begins since he still hasnt reached it. [ laughter ] and then there was this moment when trump claimed the hack earlier this year of the Democratic National committee might not have been committed by russia. I dont think anybody knows it was russia that broke into the dnc. Shes saying russia, russia, russia, but i dont maybe it was. I mean it could be russia, but it could also be china. Could also be lots of other people it also could be somebody sitting on their bed that weighs 400 pounds, okay. Seth wow. [ laughter ] china. Why does he say it like that . Could be russia. It could be china. [ laughter ] but maybe the most insane answer trump gave was his answer on cyber warfare. Now i feel like we have a tendency to get lost in trumps showmanship, his performance, so weve been doing something on the show lately where we read his answers rather than watch him say them. So im just going to flatly read and the topic of cyber warfare. These are his words. Quote, when you look at what isis is doing with the internet theyre beating us at our own game, isis. So we have to get very, very tough on cyber and cyber warfare. It is. It is a huge problem. I have a son. Hes 10yearsold. He has computers. He is so good with these computers. Its unbelievable. The security aspect of cyber is very, very tough. Whole governmental society. We have so many things that we have to do better, lester, and certainly cyber is one of them. [ laughter ] he talks about tech like lenny brisko in a 20yearold episode of law and order. We got a warrant for your floppies. [ laughter ] but there was another revealing moment last night that i feel like might get lost in all the post debate chatter. Trump basically admitted that he pays no federal income taxes. Hes refused to release his tax returns, so we dont know how much of anything he pays in though i think he may have tipped his hand with these exchanges last night. He didnt pay any federal income tax. So that makes me smart. If hes paid, you havent paid any federal income tax for a lot of years and the other thing i think is important. It would be squandered too, believe me. Seth oh, the government would squander your money, says the guy who covers his penthouse in gold like an old prospector who just won the lottery. [ laughter ] but if you were paying close attention you might have caught doesnt pay any federal income taxes. In the end even if youre a trump supporter you have to admit last night was not a great night for the gop nominee. He could have said a lot of Unanswered Questions if he just released tax returns. And if he had done it last night everybody in that audience would have gone oh. Seth this has been a closer look. . . [ cheers and applause ] well be right back with samuel l. Jackson. [ cheers and applause ] mom, i have to tell you something. Dad, one second i was driving and then the next. They just didnt stop and then. Im really sorry. I wrecked the subaru. I wrecked it. Thats all that matters. vo a lifetime commitment to getting them home safely. Love. Its what makes a subaru, a subaru. I love my shop, but my back pain was making it hard to sleep and open up on time. Then i found aleve pm. The only one to combine a sleep aid plus the 12 hour pain relieving strength of aleve. Now im back. Aleve pm for a better am. . . Its the Little Things that make life rich. Ritz. Your car got rearended and you needed a tow. No. It said, blah blah blah blah. The Liberty Mutual app with coverage compass . Makes it easy to know what youre covered for and what youre not. Liberty mutual insurance. Initiating retrieval sequence. Activating thrusters. Target acquired. Dang it ah come on take a break from the election with red or blue tea. . . [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back to late night, everybody. Please give it up for the 8g band right over there. [ cheers and applause ] also back with us tonight, hes an incredible drummer and his band tool are threetime grammy everybody. [ cheers and applause ] there he is. And be sure to look out for a new album from tool coming sometime soon. Thank you so much for being here, danny. Such a pleasure. [ cheers and applause ] thanks for having me. Seth our first guest tonight is an oscar nominated actor you know from films like pulp fiction and django unchained. You can see him in miss peregrines home for peculiar children, which hits theaters september 30th. Lets take a look. I saw you at your grandfathers. Peregrines address from him. But alas, my traveling companion got to him before i did. Speaking of my traveling companion, hes coming and believe me when i say to you, you dont want to be here when he arrives. Seth please welcome back to the show samuel l. Jackson. [ cheers and applause ] . . Seth how are you . I am excellent. Seth its always such a pleasure to have you here. Thank you, its always a pleasure to be here too. Seth you always show up with good products. You always have good films. And you do a lot of films, and yet youre consistently good. Okay. To ask, because youve had such a long career, successful career. You are a confident person. Yes. Seth yet when i think back or when you think back to when you were an actor early on, were you always this confident when you walked into a room to audition . Yeah i always figured that if my agent sent me out five times a week i was going to book two jobs. Seth oh, wow. And you know, you reach a point where you go through the audition with the same dudes all the time. And it was kind of cool here in new york, because you run into people on the train or you run into them in m everybody is going to the second audition so you all walk together, you go to the audition, you get there, you come out. You know, you do this and go through the next one and you reach a point where you know you booked enough jobs that people are kind of leery of you. Seth okay. So you go in the room and you stay in there a little while longer and you come out and you just come out and tell everybody, all right, yall can go. [ laughter ] you know. And everybody is like [ laughter ] is that real or what . Seth you psych out the competition. Totally. Seth and you now, i want to point out that you were were actual actors that you were friends with and hung out with. Denzel. Yeah. Seth larry fishburne. Yup. Seth morgan freeman. Yup. Seth wesley snipes. You guys were all friends at the same time. Thats insane to me that you all knew each other back then. It was a tight group of people i had. Jim pickens, who was on greys anatomy. Seth sure. He was in that. You know, brent jennings. There was a lot of people. Ellis williams. Great people that still work. Seth was it fun or did you guys so back then no money . Well, wed pool our money and eat. You know. [ light laughter ] seth okay. We had a lot of greys papaya back in the day. Seth okay. Yeah, man. You get a bunch of dogs there. You get like 4 together you were living large. [ light laughter ] seth so, thats new york back in the day. You last film, we just saw a clip, you shot in blackpool, england. Yes. Seth is blackpool, england the new york of england . Blackpool is the jersey shore of the u. K. [ light laughter ] seth okay. You know, basically. Seth so its a coast town. Yes, a coast town. Its got an interesting boardwalk, you know. Its got a wax museum. Seth okay. It sells a lot of salt water taffy. Seth do you enjoy salt water taffy . I actually do. Seth you do . Im going to take the salt water taffy thats in my dressing room, actually. Theres a box. Seth oh yeah, we have it for guests. Yeah, im seth you take it . Im definitely housing that. Seth okay, great. [ laughter ] so theres that going on. On the weekends, there are a lot of bridal parties. Seth oh, okay. Theres at least five to seven bridal parties come to town. You know, pack of nine nine to 10 girls. Seth do you ever stumble by . Do they ever see sam jackson . Oh yeah. Seth are they excited . If they can focus on me, yeah. Theres a lot of pubs too. Seth yeah, okay, gotcha. [ light laughter ] so theyre in and out of that. So theres these bridal parties, and then theres all of these bachelor parties. So theres guys running around with giant condoms on their heads and diapers. Seth yeah. [ light laughter ] chicken feet and stuff like theyre funkadelic, you know. So theyre like running, so seth you would never do that right . You would never put a condom on your head. [ laughter ] youre thinking about it. Youre thinking about it more than i thought you would. Yeah. [ laughter ] now, you like you dont dislike being recognized. No, not at all. Seth you dig it . Yeah, i mean there was a time when nobody knew who i was and even when i was doing movies i would be with friends who were in spike lee movies and people would recognize them and i was just standing there, you know, and theyd be talking to them or whatever. And then when i finally got a level of notoriety when i was first doing things like die hard and kiss of death, i was working here in town w literally, you know, leave the hotel some days an just walk around and see how many people recognized me. Seth oh, really . [ laughter ] yeah. Seth you would go fishing for it. Yeah. Seth yeah. Yeah but this was before, you know, the selfie. Seth oh yeah, thats true. Now its like insane. Seth it was better back then, right . Oh my god. The selfie is the new autograph. Seth yeah. You know, so everybody wants to do it. And, you know, once you start, its on. Seth nobody wants an autograph anymore. No, everybody wants to post you. Seth yeah, they just want to post you. They want to get you out. Me and my dogs. Seth do you have a face that you do on all pictures . Like, to not show too much enthusiasm . All depends on how aggressive that person was. Seth got it. You know, and if they insist, insist, insist, i end up taking a photograph where theyre holding the camera like this and im just [ laughter ] seth so that way their friends know they were being an asshole. Im straight staring at them, you know. Im not facing forward. They go smile. [ laughter ] so no, i dont do that. But generally when im on the street in places like london, i have my headphones in. Seth yeah. And if i have them on or not, you know, im doing my head like this so when people call my name i can act like i didnt hear it. Seth oh, thats good. [ light laughter ] yeah. Seth thats a smart move. Yeah, i just keep rolling. But if youre like a shark, you dont have to worry about the selfie too much. Or some people ill say walk in front of me and take the picture. Seth oh, there you go. And they go walk in front of me, and im behind you okay. Take your picture. Seth wow. And you know, some of them get it and some of them go like yeah, but i want to put my arm no, i dont want your im not your cell mate, you know. We dont got to be here. Were not taking that picture. Were not taking that. [ applause ] seth there you go. Youre honest with them. Yeah. Seth its an Honest Exchange of ideas. Yeah. Seth another thing i like about you, because i like watching you in movies, you also like watching yourself in movies. A lot of actors will say, ive had them say on my show they cant watch themselves in film. [ laughter ] what do you think of actors who say that . I think its a lie, number one. [ laughter ] and number two, why would you expect people to pay 13. 50 to come watch you if you dont want to watch yourself . [ light laughter ] you know . This is a lookatme business. Seth right. So youre out there because you want people to look at you. Seth right. And if you cant stand watching yourself, you really need another job, you know . Seth and have you gone to movie theaters to see your films . All the time. [ laughter ] seth and do people recognize you then . Yes. Seth are they excited . Yes. They get excited and i got my popcorn and my big, you know, thing for the movie. Seth have you ever said to yourself on screen, like, dont go in there . [ laughter ] i havent done that movie yet. Seth you really havent . No, but i keep asking, you know ask my agents and managers to find me like a slasher movie. And theyre like, really . Sam, a slasher movie . So i asked eli roth to write me one. Seth oh, that would be good. Hopefully hes doing it. Seth i think if you were in a slasher movie, we would want to see you be the one who eventually gets the slasher. I dont think we want to see you get slashed. No, man. I want to be there and not do all st i dont want to go in the dark room. I dont want to go down in the basement. Seth youre going to be the common sense person in the slasher film. Dudes gonna have to work to get me. [ laughter ] seth yeah. Gotcha. Its not going to be an easy job getting me. Seth okay, great. Well, i will sign up for that. Yeah, i wanted to be that. Seth when youre in that movie, i would love to go to the theater and watch it with you. Excellent. Seth ill pay for the popcorn. Im looking forward to it. Seth all right, thank you. Always great to see you. Thank you, man. Seth samuel l. Jackson, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] miss peregrines home for peculiar children is in theaters september 30th. Well be right back with Cecily Strong. [ cheers and applause ] its endless shrimp at red lobster. With another new flavor you never saw coming. Grilled, glazed korean bbq shrimp. And try as much as you want of flavors like new parmesan peppercorn shrimp. This piece is so you. I saw it and i was just like oh, i have to have it. State farm knows that every one those moments, theres one of these. This piece is so you. I saw it and i was just like i have to have it. From renters insurance. Im jamie foxx for verizon. In the nations largest independent study by rootmetrics, again, verizon is the number one network. Hi, im jamie foxx for sprint. And im jamie foxx for tmobile. both and were just as good. Really . Only verizon was ranked number one nationally in data, reliability, text and call and speed. Yeah and youre gonna fist bump to that . Get out of my sight. Dont get fooled by a cut rate network. Verizon gives you tons of data without all the restrictions. Get 20 gigs and 4 lines for only 160. With no surprise overages on americas best network. We dance on the salsa team together, and its like a lot of power in what we wear. When were practicing if i dont feel good in what im wearing i dont look good. T. J. Maxx has that variety. I can get a lot for my money. Its like yay t. J. Maxx if youre feeling it, just go for it, dont wait. . . [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back, everybody. You know our next guest from her work on saturday night live, which returns this saturday with host Margot Robbie and musical guest the weeknd. Please welcome back to the show my very good friend Cecily Strong. [ cheers and applause ] . . Seth oh, cecily, how are you . I was hoping i would get that same video intro that samuel l. Jackson got. Seth oh, really. You wanted that . He looked so cool. Seth he did look cool. And he had the nice contacts. But you looked very cool in a recent stop it. Seth no, no not now. Okay. Seth you worked on scream scream creans . [ light laughter ] you were on scream queens. You obviously watch it. Seth im a huge fan. [ laughter ] well, i set my tivo for scream creans and i never get it. [ laughter ] im on both. Seth your on both. This season. I have a much bigger role on scream creans. Seth you played a woman who was not a werewolf, you had a werewolf condition. Yes, yeah. And that distinction is more i am a b. F. A. Actress. So that distinction is seth so you have to go in and know whether or not youre a werewolf or just a pwi you howl. I would act like a dog. I was a woman. Seth you were a woman. A woman with a disease. [ light laughter ] seth and how long did it take you to get into make up . It took so long. It was truly so awful. The most wonderful make up people, but it was like 12 hours of being covered in hairpieces and lace. And i realize that im complaining about my dream job. I know i sound terrible. Im a snob. That looks terrible. [ laughter ] okay, i am allowed to complain . Seth i think even people that want to be actors are thinking, i might say no to that. [ laughter ] okay, good. I didnt, because its ryan murphy. You know. Seth exactly. And it seems like, you got a lollipop for your reward, so thats how i got paid. Seth thats how you got paid . Oh, you need a new agent, cecily is that bad . Seth thats bad. Im very excited snl is coming pack. You played malania trump last year. Yeah, yeah. Seth and she had an interesting summer as well. She had a big convention. But you have some symp f i alwayshave i think she never she didnt ask for any of it. Her world is barron. Seth barron, her child. Her child barron and gowns and being gorgeous and glamorous. Seth she didnt want to run for president. No, no, no. Shes not running. Seth yeah. She just kind of goes along. If you watch her, even watching last night, couldnt effect her. Like i couldnt read a thing on her. [ laughter ] like nothing. [ laughter ] seth you dont feel like she was nervous or jumpy . No, no. And i was glad she wasnt nervous. Seth yeah, she does look exactly the same all the time. Always fabulous. Seth she does look like a million dollars, every time you see her. She is, thats a great way to describe her. But i would say a billion. Seth you would go a billion . A billion dollars. Seth well youre closer to her. Youve played her, so ill go with you. Were good friends now. Yeah. Seth oh, you are good friends now. Thats exciting. So snl is coming back. And over the course of the summer this has sometimes happened for me. Do you have people who pitch you ideas, sketch ideas . And i guess during the year i get this weird mean edge that i shouldnt get, they dont deserve. Where, sometimes people will send me ideas over facebook or something. And be like, i have a skit idea for you. Where maybe its like youre at an antique exchange in scotland or something. And im like, you know what . Im going to produce that. Exactly what you just said. Im gonna cast it perfectly. Were going to do this, and i want to show you what a bad idea that is. [ laughter ] for someone that means so well. Thats a lesson they didnt need to be taught. Seth yeah. [ laughter ] and i dont know why i react so violently. Seth i think when youre in the weeds of a week at snl, the fact that somebody thinks they can just give you the gift of an idea, you lash out then. Yeah, yeah. Seth you were a fan of the show growing up though. I really was. I had we had a lot of vhs tapes and then i used to, in my rebellious years as well, i had i dont even know what theyre called now, but i had these sound bites on my computer . Seth like sound effects . I dont know. I know so little about computers now. So in 1995 i knew even less. The word computer. But it was like i had this sound effect of mike meyers saying, like butter. Like butter. [ laughter ] and i prank called a woman one day and just played that over and over. [ laughter ] seth you didnt say it. I didnt. I just played that on my computer and then hung up and she called back, because star 69 existed [ laughter ] and she said im going to call the police. And youll be arrested. And i ran out of my house and i sat in the park for hours convinced i was going to be arrested that day. Seth thats one of those cases where you almost want to say to the person, okay. Call the police. I would do that now. Said, like butter. Prove it was me. Steve and see how many squad cars they send over. Sounds like it was mike meyers, lady. Wasnt me. [ laughter ] seth were you the kind of person that would perform, do shows for your parents . Yeah. Its humiliating. Im so glad thats as far as computers had gotten. Seth oh, theyre not recorded . If the internet had been around, i would be such a miserable person. Seth cause theres no record . Im humilliated by my own memories. Any time my parents had friends over i had to do a play. As if they were begging for it every tim. And i was the one that left all of our answer machine messages in character. I did one as a scottish one. Seth what would that be . This is like killing me to even talk about just so you know. I did one that was like [ scottish accent ] you reached [ laughter ] everything was like a mike myers character at some point. [ laughter ] and people heard that every time they left a message. Seth you have reached the strong residence . Yeah, seth, okay . Its really tough to talk about. [ laughter and applause ] i said, youve reached the scottish strongs. And then i think i said [ scottish accent ] joan, turn off the music and probably no one laughed. [ laughter ] and they were probably just like, oh, wow. That poor girl. [ laughter ] seth they didnt even leave a message. No, i dont think they could. Theyre like, i dont even know what to say now. Seth look how far you have come though. Thats true. Seth yeah, it all paid off. Thanks so much for being cecily, im so excited. Thanks for being cecily . Seth yeah, thanks for being cecily and also thanks for being here. [ laughter ] Cecily Strong everybody saturday night live returns this saturday, with host Margot Robbie, and musical guest the weeknd. Well be right back with Spike Feresten. Thanks for being cecily. [ cheers and applause ] . . tic tac rattling crumbling . . Tic tac freshmints. A whole lot of flavor in a little mint. Tic tac. Go little. tic tacs rattling electrical charges live at the heart of every hybrid. Only a few. Truly move us. With over one million on the road, lexus hybrids are always charged and always ready. Yes. You know, that reminds me of geicos 97 Customer Satisfaction rating. 97 . Helped by geicos fast and friendly claims service. Huh. Oh yeah, baby. Geicos as fast and friendly as it gets. Woo geico. Expect great savings and a whole lot more. Emerge restored. Fortified. Packed with b vitamins, antioxidants, electrolytes plus more vitamin c than 10 oranges. Why not feel this good everyday . Emerge and see. . . Sing girl, come on. . [ singing ] . Sorry, ariana you gotta go. Seriously . Verizon limits me and i gotta get home. Youre gonna choose navigation over me . Maps get up here. Umm. That way. Introducing tmobile one, unlimited data for everyone. . . [ cheers and applause ] seth our next guest tonight, is an emmynominated writer, whos work includes, saturday night live, the late show with David Letterman and, seinfeld. He hosts the Esquire Network series, car matchmaker with Spike Feresten, which airs wednesday nights at 9 00 p. M. Please welcome to the show our friend Spike Feresten. [ cheers and applause ] . . Seth you look sharp. Thank you. Seth i feel like were dressed very similar. I wanted to wear a matching suit. Seth thank you so much for doing that. Thanks for having me on. Seth you are a matcher, because you have a show car matchmaker. Yep. Seth and this is, this show, you want to set people up with the right car for them. This is tinder for cars. Thats exactly right. I have owned a lot of cars in my life and in my personal life i have been helping people find cars for a long time. Its a hobby of mine. So it turned into a show. Come on the show, and they tell you about themselves and you help make the match . I spend a little time getting to know them and then i pick three cars that will work perfectly in their life and we drive them and they pick one at the end. Seth now, your first car, you coowned with your brother. Thats right. Seth now, your brother youre a feresten i love. You are not my favorite feresten, because your brother wally is our queue card guy. Give it up for your brother, Wally Feresten right there. [ cheers and applause ] well lit. That is my brother. Seth way to find the light wally. [ laughter ] and what was your first car. What did you guys have . My dad bought us a 1971 ford torino 500, for 483. And it was both of our cars. We got to share it. Wally, unfortunately, wrapped it around a telephone pole one week into ownership. [ laughter ] seth early on, thats not great. Early on yeah. Seth did you get in trouble right away. Well, i didnt get in trouble. Him and i knew they were coming home so i raced home to be in the kitchen for the show. Seth oh, gotcha, youre that kind of brother. [ laughter ] i was that kind of brother as well. Im the older brother thats right. Seth now you have a lot of history in this building. You were an intern at snl you were an intern for letterman when he was here. And then you ended up writing on both of those shows, which is almost unheard of. Certainly it happens, but its rare and you were a huge letterman fan yes. Yeah, i was one of those obsessed letterman fans before i got into the business, and i got tickets to the show one night. Did something that i lived in fear of when i worked on the show that they would find out. I bet my friends 100 that i could get into the show. And when seth not just sit in the audience, get on camera . Get on camera and i was up there in this row and dave was at the monologue mark, and i was panicking a little bit like im trying to find my in. cause if i just run up im gonna get arrested. And dave said, were gonna tonight sing oh, canada. It was some canadian holiday. So he said is there anybody in he said, come on down. Seth i want to point out that youre not from canada. Im not from canada. Im from massachusetts. Wally might be. [ laughter ] and i came down to the stage and i ran up and there i was. I ran up to the monologue mark. Seth this is a photo of your appearance right there. You found it, oh my god. Yeah, there i am right there. Seth there you go. And so you were worried years later that they would remember you were a wierdo from the audience who pretended to be canadian. Yes, every day that i worked for dave i was worried he would in fact ive never told anybody that i did that. Seth and then you started a tradition. I did not realize that you started a tradition that i had been a beneficiary of, which is the late night pickle. Explain the late night pickle. All right, the late night pickle was, when dave was leaving nbc and going to cbs, we had to move out of this building and across the street to the ed sullivan. And we were packing up one day and there was this giant pickle in the writers room. And it didnt fit into a box. Seth yeah, its an unwieldy pickle. I dont know if you have it but you guys so what did you do with the pickle . Well, instead of throwing it away, why dont we give it to conan obrien as a welcoming gift from the writers of late night with David Letterman. Seth so you gave what everybody wants. A giant [ laughter ] a giant unwieldy pickle. Yes, we sat it down but never expecting to ever hear anything since. Conan suddenly puts it on tv. Seth yep. I know when fallon took over, he was handed the pickle. I was at home in my underwear. When you suddenly raised this thing. This pickle and i tell you, its in our office and we dont like it. [ laughter ] it takes up a lot of valuable office space here in new york city. But thank you, im so glad that you started it. Im so happy that you still have it. Seth you were also a writer on, for my money, the greatest comedy of all time, seinfeld. Oh, thank you. Seth and you wrote so many famous episodes. You wrote the soup nazi episode. I did. With help from the staff and larry of course. Seth of course theres always, the staff always pitches in on things. And jiffy park, this is a thing that happened to you. Yeah. Thats right. This is when george had prostitutes having sex in his car. I used to store my jeep on the west side highway there, because it was 200 a month. And one weekend i went to get inside the jeep, the doors didnt lock and there were used condoms everywhere. And you know, confused right . Seth somebody was taking car matchmaking to a whole other level. [ laughter ] well, all right. And i go to the guy at the booth and im like man, excuse me, this is a little weird, but i found a lot of used condoms in my car. Id like to know whats going on. And he said, well just like the guy in the show he said well, buddy, theres prostitutes and your doors dont lock. And he goes, what can i do . And i said well, you can stop them . [ light laughter ] im paying you money to stop them. And he said, well you know what, take it up with consumer affairs. And that was the end of it. I was always just like, what a brilliant little ending for getting out of being a pimp. Seth being a comedy writer was part of you obviously upset people were having sex in your car. Was another part of you so happy, knowing, oh, i can use this. No. No, i was really upset. [ laughter ] seth just fully upset about the sex in the car part. Yeah. It wasnt until i got to the show and i sat down with larry and jerry and they said, wed rather you not make up stories, wed rather you come in and tell stories. And i went oh, ive got a couple of those. This guys a soup nazi. I had this boss that kind of danced funny, and did little ki respect for him. [ laughter ] and, you know, and that, you know, it was a wonderful place to work and now when i see the episodes its like revisiting a little part of my life. Seth its fantastic. And i think thats why that show endures is that they are real stories. Not things being made up. Thank you so much for being here. Thanks for having me. Seth congrats on the new show. Spike feresten, everybody. Car matchmaker airs wednesday nights at 9 00 p. M. On the Esquire Network. Well be right back. Great job, wally [ cheers and applause ] you do all this research on a perfect car, then smash it into a tree. Your Insurance Company raises your rates. Maybe you shouldve done more research on them. For drivers with accident forgiveness, Liberty Mutual wont raise your rates due to your first accident. Liberty mutual insurance. Due to your first accident. Initiating retrieval sequence. Target acquired. M the election with red or blue tea. Youre acting so funny, whats wrong, billy . My doctor says i have skittles pox. Are they contagious . I dont think so. Contract the rainbow taste the rainbow hey, its the Phillips Lady theres a more enjoyable way to get your fiber. Try these delicious phillips fiber good gummies, a good source of fiber to help support regularity. Phillips. The tasty side of fiber. [ on the road again, by Willie Nelson ] . On the road again . [ rear alert sounds ] [ music stops ] . Just cant wait to get on the road again . [ front assist sounds ] [ music stops ] [ girl laughs ] . On the road again . . Like a band of gypsies we go down the highway . [ beetle horn honks ] no matter which passat you choose, you get more standard features, the 2017 passat s announcer for more late night, go to latenightseth. Com. Follow us on instagram and twitter latenightseth. And be sure to check us out on facebook and tumblr. [ cheers and applause ] seth my thanks to [ cheers and applause ] danny carey and of course the 8g band. Stay tuned for carson daly. Well see you tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ] . . . . . . Carson good evening and welcome to the best views in all of new york city. This is 230 fifth and youve tuned into last call. Im carson daly, thanks for being here. Good one tonight
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