Transcripts For KPIX The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20170817

Washington was a zombie, would we bash his skull . You really have to ask yourself, where does it stop. A tweet posted from a zombie dear leader, thank you for your honesty and courage to tell the truth about the the zombie apocklism. Its right here. Now, who wants to talk about infrastructure . Huh . Its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, stephen welcomes. Ellie kemper. Andrew dice clay. And peter serafinowich. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen thank you very much hey, everybody welcome. Thanks, everybody. Welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight. Im so excited we have ellie kemper tonight. Because i believe she is the ray of sunshine we all need right now. Because its dark. Its getting a little dark out there. Its getting a storm. And whatever is coming down from those clouds, its brown for some reason. Im still recovering, personally. Im still recovering from president trumps kamikaze press conference yesterday, where donald let donald be donald, the consequences and our countries be damned. And it was truly one for the ages specifically, 1939 to 1945. Right . 36, 36 . Lets just remind ourselves of how we got here. Last saturday which i think was a year ago, Something Like that . Nazis and the k. K. K. Provoked violence in charlottesville, virginia. Thats what they wanted. Thats why they went there. After a nazi killed a young woman named heather heyer, donald trump made a statement and improvised during the statement, that there was violence on many sides, many sides. And people were upset other than nazis. Nazis liked it. laughter so, trumps chief of staff, john kelly, pressed trump to make another public statement. Grudgingly, mr. Trump agreed. Okay, ill say nazis are bad, but you cant make me mean it. Okay . I call okay. I call. cheers and applause fingers crossed. Fingers fingers crossed, okay. I call nazi backsies. laughter so on monday, donald trump went to the mic in the white house and read this racism is evil and those who cause violence in its name are criminals and thugs, including the k. K. K. , neonazis, White Supremacists and other hate groups that are repugnant to everything we hold dear as americans. Stephen there you go. Maybe not inspiring or heartfelt, but the right thing to say. And you know it was the right thing to say because he hated saying it. laughter evidently, donald trump fumed to aides about how unfairly he was being treated, and expressed sympathy with nonviolent protesters who he said were defending their heritage. so, yesterday afternoon, when he was supposed to be talking about highway infrastructure, donald trump drove americas moral leadership right through the guardrails by saying some of the people bearing torches with the nazis were just good joes. Not all of those people were neonazis, believe me. Not all of those people were White Supremacists, by any stretch. I dont know if you know, but they had a permit. The other group didnt have a permit. I think theres blame on both sides. I think theres blame on both sides. And i dont have any doubt about it, and you dont have any doubt about it, either. Stephen oh, mr. President , there is only one thing i no longer have any doubt about you showed us who you were. Everywhere, everywhere in this country applause everywhere in this country, people were horrified north, south, republican, democrat, top, bottom, sweet, sour. But you know who loved what donald trump said . Donald trump. Aides say trump was in a very good mood after the press conference, and felt liberated. Liberated. Free. Emancipated, if you will. Free at last, free at last, thank god almighty, i am free at last. You like that . Melania wrote that. Shes very good. She did. applause now, trump may have been happy with his performance, but not everyone inside the white house felt the same. In fact, members of the president s staff were stunned and disheartened and said they never expected to hear opinions that the president had long expressed in private. Please, grandpa, you cant say this stuff out loud in the restaurant. laughter thats fishing boat talk, okay . Out of sight of land, and you can just speak your mind. Im sure your nurse took your watch, even though its on your wrist right now. In the wake of the furor trump caused by channeling the fuhrer, the white house was desperate to get republicans on board the flaming wreckage that was the s. S. Hindentanic by releasing talking points to congress, such as, leaders and the media in our country should join the president in trying to unite and heal our country rather than incite more division. What dont you cant put that on somebodys else. Thats the president s job. The pilot cant get on the intercom and say, attention, passengers, this is the captain speaking. Now is the time for people in first class and coach come to the cockpit and show me what all these little buttons, do, okay . Push this. Push that. Okay, hold on. But not every republican followed the talking points. Like Ohio Governor and confused dad in the produce aisle, john kasich. The president has to totally condemn this. And this is not about winning an argument. This is about the fact that now these folks are, apparently, going to go other places. And they think they had some sort of a victory. There is no moral equivalency between the k. K. K. , the neonazis, and anybody else. Stephen oh, hell, yes kasich 2020. That took balls. Would you be willing to be the guy who goes around to Republican Leaders and says, this is our moment. We will tell this president we no longer support him, period . Well, matt, look, hes our president , okay . Stephen im sorry. I meant i meant someone took his balls. I approximation. And kasich is not the only profile in thinking about courage. So far, the g. O. P. s actions have spoken way more flaccid than words. According to aides, despite House Democrats calls for hearings on the rise of white supremacy, the House Judiciary Committee has no immediate plans to schedule one. Yeah, they dont need to hold hearings. If they want to talk to White Supremacists, they can just call the white house switchboard. laughter hello . Hello . Yes, uhhuh . Whats that . Uhhuh. Uhhuh. Uhhuh. We tonight have no, we dont have any open klan members. White supremist is White Nationalist okay . Ill connect you through. , of course, thank you there was one group that really basked in the radioactive glow of the unshielded core of yesterdays trump dump. Former klan imperial wizard, longtime trump supporter, and man who looks better with the hood on, david duke, tweeted, thank you, president trump, for your honesty and courage to tell the truth about charlottesville and condemn the leftist terrorists. Wow david duke complimenting your courage. Thats like Jeffrey Dahmer complimenting your cooking. He means well, but its a little upsetting. Trump also garnered praise from White Nationalist adolf hipster, richard spencer. After trumps speech, spencer said he was really proud of him, tweeting, trumps statement was fair and down to earth. Yes, down to earth. Because at this point, its impossible for donald trump to sink any lower. Weve got a great show for you, ellie kemper is here. But when we come back, were going to have a lot of fun. Stick around. applause and as the day turns to night back to day, may your love for each other never be eclipsed. The perfect camera for a total Solar Eclipse wedding, galaxy s8. Made for summer. clapping and cheering get on up, mama. Get on up. Do what you want. Do you want, let the record hop. Degree motionsense. Ultimate freshness. With every move. The more you move, the more it works. Degree, it wont let you down. No, please, please, oh shrieks in terror heavy breathing and snorting no, no. The running of the bulldogs . Surprising. Whats not surprising . How much money aleia saved by switching to geico. Fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more. Vo jacks got your back. Hits, jack somebody craving my smoky jack burger . Vo the smoky jack burger combo for 4. 99. Vo hickorysmoked bacon, smoked cheddar cheese, vo all on an artisan poppyseed bun. Vo plus fries and a refreshing drink. Vo all for just 4. 99. Man thanks, jack jack youre welcome. Vo the new smoky jack burger combo for just 4. 99. Vo only at jack in the box. cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody, welcome back. Folks, you know, im kind of a bog person. And even when its not a full moon, im also a dog owner, which is why i love a segment we do on the late show called rescue dog rescue, where a celebrity guest and i help find actual rescue dogs a home by telling extremely flattering lies about the puppies. And im so proud to say this is absolutely true we have a perfect track record for finding homes for these dogs. Whos a good boy . I am. applause so what do you say, folks . Do you want to hear me lie about some puppies to get them adopted cheers and applause all right then its time for another rescue dog rescue stephen all right, ladies and gentlemen. Weve got an adorable batch of dogs back there, and here to help me out is a human puppy hug herself, ellie kemper, everybody give it up p hey, nice to see you. Always a pleasure to see you. Always a pleasure. Yay stephen well, ellie, thank you so much for joining us. You understand how this works . Heck, yeah, stephen lets eat some puppies applause stephen okay, that is definitely not how it works. All right, ill just follow your lead then. Stephen great a reminder to everybody out there all the puppies we have here tonight are actual adoptable dogs from north Shore Animal League america. Lets begin. Here we go with the puppies. Here we go. This is lilly. In addition to being fully housebroken, lilly is an olympic medalwinning high jumper. So you may be wondering, olympic medalist, why is she up for adoption . She only took home the bronze. Who do we have next, ellie. Here we go. This puppy here is lucky. You know those psychic animals that predict sports winners, like the octopus from germany who accurately called eight world cup games in a row . Amazing, right . Well, lucky ate that octopus. laughter . Stephen got to do something. Got to do something. Stephen next up, this is buckley. Buckley met tom selleck once and will not shut up about it. Hes fun at parties, but if of blue bloods comes on the tv, buckle up. Oh, id know this little gal anywhere. This is callie shes a rare swiss army dog. Her teeth can open bottles, her little fingernails are a complete screwdriver set, and there is a u. S. B. Charger in her butt laughter . Stephen comes in handy. Comes in handy. Oh, here we go this is chase. This is chase, everybody. Chase is part terrier mix, and due to a mishap at the nuclear plant, part mutant. Fair warning his super power is flight, so when you take him out to pee, bring an umbrella. All right burt, here, is the reincarnated soul of austro hungarian emperor, leopold i. Thats right. Leopold was known for his conflicts with the ottoman empire, but youll know burt for humping your ottoman laughter stephen all right, this guy is a little bit nervous. Everybody please say hello to titus. There you go. Fun fact about titus hes also a fully functioning cell phone. Hello . phone ringing hello . Im losing you. I dont have any bars. Hello . Ill call you on my landdog. Okay, oh, my goodness. This is uhoh. Am i the first person to drop a puppy . This is chloe. Chloe is extremely welltrained and never barks at squirrels unless those squirrels have ties to altright hate groups. laughter applause . cheers yup. Thats good. Chloe bites nazis. Dont you, girl . Stephen thats good. Thanks very much. Meet perry. Perry is a sweet little guy, very loving and playful. And good news when youre having sex, perry wont sit in the corner of the room and stare, okay. But he will hide in the hall and listen. And he will judge. laughter well, that does it for rescue dog rescue. Head to the late shows website, www. Colbertlateshow. Com, for info on how to adopt these dogs from north Shore Animal League america. Ellie kemper, everybody well be right back yay yay to turn your flicker into a flame youll need a spark. New emergenc Energy Natural caffeine from green tea to focus your mind. 7 b vitamins plus vitamin c to fortify you. Spark the energy within you every day. Emergenc energy . Emerge and see. Lets go reed lets go k [ clap clap ] lets go yellow lets go [ clap clap ] lets go rainbow lets go get ready, set, go back to school. Itsamericas 1 is a status earned in every wash. And one we reearn, everyday. 1 trusted. 1 awarded. Its got to be tide. The seal you can trust. With stain and sealer in one. And easy to choose colors. Exceptional beauty and protection have never been easier. Thompsons waterseal stain and sealer. Available at national retailers. Nice back there. Welcome back, everybody. My first guest is the emmynominated star of the emmynominated series Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. Come on, kimmy you know its okay to step on cracks. Just because something rhymes doesnt mean its true, because ive definitely smelt what i know tituss dealt. Like seeing every van i see is going to kidnap me. Get in the van, kimmy. Never miss smi. It is clobbering time. No missmi, f. B. I. We need your help. Oh, christmas. I am so sorry. Are you okay . I think she broke my back. I broke your mothers back . laughter stephen please welcome the awardworthy ellie kemper good to see you. Come on up hi that was so smooth stephen nice to have you back. Thank you for having me. Stephen nice to see you again. Such an honor to be here. Stephen now the last time you were here was right before the conventions last year in june, 2016. Yeah, it was its a whole new world and for you, too, because you were massively, like any moment pregnant at the time. I was three weeks away or Something Like that. Stephen yeah, yeah, and three weeks, youre as good as there. Absolutely, youre in the safe zone. And i did have the baby. Stephen im glad. Good for you. Good for the baby and your lovely husband, michael. Say hi. I will. Stephen boy or girl . Its a boy named james. Stephen thats nice, thats nice. Family name . Family name from both sides. Stephen same father, okay. So, what about last time you were here you were talking about because catholic, catholic. Were both catholic. Stephen and your lovely husband is jewish and you werent sure whether to raise the kids catholic. How is that going . Hes jewish and thats fine its going im kidding i shouldnt stephen no one says are you angling for a job in the Trump Administration right now . laughter okay. Im here tonight no. Yes, we were sort of figuring out how to raise james with what religion . Were going the catholic route. He did get baptized. He got baptized later on in may. He was 10 months old. Which i think is too big for the priest to be holding. Stephen its a little big. You have to go to a baby pool or a hot tub. Priests are not known for their grit, so i was worried he was going to drop him, but he didnt drop him. Stephen i bet there are priests out there saying i have plenty of grit. Im celibate. That takes grit. Thats true. Stephen that builds up the grit after a while. At 10 monthses he must have been scrambling around because theyre strong at 10 months. Theyre strong and theyre emotional and they have opinions. And, also, this is coupled with the fact that, like, i dont know if this happens to you probably not. I get very nervous around priests because i immediately feel like im guilty of something. Of, ive done something wrong. You know, its the same thing as policemen. I always feel guilty around a policeman. Stephen sure, when i look in my Rearview Mirror and see a priest behind me i go, what did i do . You immediately feel like a villain. Stephen one of my favorite things about papatism we have three kids and they were all baptized in the catholic church. Ski love the baptismal vows because there are things you say in the baptismal vows that you dont hear any other time in your catholic upbringing. My favorite s, do you rejet the glamour of evil. And you have to say, i do. The priest says, do you reject the glamour of evil . And youre like, mmm, evil, but whats the glamour stuff. I didnt know it was so shiny. Stephen isnt that the emmy awards. I love that. Stephen red carpet. My priest kind of threw it away as though i wouldnt catch it. Do you rediswrect the glamour of evil . And its something you have to say, yes, i do. You think afterwards its such an enormous thing theyre asking you to do. Stephen i think they throw it away because it seems slightly medieval or exorcismy. Do you reject satan, the prince of darkness . I always go, i do bring him here. I will fight him with my bare hands. Did the baby cry . Did james cry when he was baptized . Yes, he screamed. And the priest dunked him in the water you say thats good . Stephen if the baby doesnt cry, he didnt get the delve out. He did stephen good, if you ever go to a baptism and the baby doesnt cry, just go up to the mother and say, devil baby. I will. Stephen its true. Thats horrifying gru have to get the hate out. He definitely got the hate out. Stephen like a bad spirit. Oh, yeah, hes out. In fact, as soon as we got home from the baptism this is no joke an hour after the baptism i found james way shard of glass in his hand. It was at my parents house. Why was there glass on their floor . Stephen was there a party, a Baptism Party . No, theyre just wild people. Stephen so you found him with a shard of glass. I was watching him. He was miraculously unhurt. I dont know if he was testing god. I dont know what the point was. He turned out okay but i dont know if it was a sign wasnt supposed to do that. Stephen my eldest son peter, when he was pretty young, just being able to talk, he had one hand behind his back while i was trying to get his shoes on one morning and he said, dad, what do i have in my hand . And i said, buddy, we have to get going . And then i went, buddy, what do you have in your hand . And he pulled it out and it was a knife. Youre kidding me. Stephen i think he wanted me ask him so i would take it away from him because it was shiny and lovely and he knew he shouldnt have it. He was testing you. Stephen i think he didnt cry when we baptized him. I think he may be a devil baby. Unbreakable kimmy schmidt, nominated for an emmy. Youre an improviser, i know this. Are you writing an acceptance speech or are you just going to freeball it . Im going to totally freeball. I think ill write down i dont think im necessarily going to win. Im going to write down a list of names of people to thank because otherwise i would blank on that. Do you write down i mean, youve won so many awards. Im not just saying that. Its true. Stephen no, no, but then youre cursing yourself. Then youre putting the hex on you. If you write it down you get the haints in you. Then you are jinxing it. Stephen are you going to thank your baby . Im going to thank james first and foremost. Stephen otherwise when theyre older they say why didnt you thank me. Then theyre on the therapists couch. Stephen does your son watch the show . He does not, and not because of the content, which is very child friendly, by the way. Stephen it is. Its positive messages. Its very positive. Its sincerely optimistic which i really like about that show. Stephen we really need that right now. We do, so its very great that tina and robert created this show which is so uplifting. But james is only one, and i wish that he would be more taken with television, but he is not. Stephen youre the one mother who wants more screen time . More screen time, more screen time. Because, you know, on plane rides or car rides or something, i desperately ill show sorry, guys ill show him an iphone hoping hell stop crying by looking at that but he has no need for that. Stephen how old is he . One. Stephen plenty of time for him to become chemically dependent on the screen. You brought this here today. There have been some advancements on this over the years. I think its just called the cube. Ever since becoming a mother let me tell you this i thought i would become more mature, but in fact i feel like im becoming a baby. Like, i go to bed at 7 30, usually. Im usually eating dinner by 5 00, and most of that is mushy food. Its so strange, im crawling everywhere no, im not crawling. The other thing is and any parent knows thisue get these children songs stuck in your head like on a loop. And i get these childrens songs stuck in my head that arent even sweet lullabies. Theyre music from toys. I brought this here today because ill show you what this picture pitch is. Square thats a square the cat sings meo, meow. The cat in the square is peeking out of there meow, meow, meow, meow the cats in the Square Stephen it has a hook. Its a beautiful sound. Thats gorgeous. It will be nominated fair grammy. You see why when youre an adult you can find the animal stop. That can be grating. So i have tried to adapt these song into more adult versions and i would like to sing them for you. Stephen we would love to hear those songs. Jon, could i get a little cat in the square . Jon i got that cat in the square. I got you. The cat in the square. In the square. Is peeking out of there out of there. Meow, meow, meow, meow want cat in the square. Square yeah. Oh, the cat in the square. In the square. Is peeking out of there meow, meow, meow, meow the cats in the square. Everybody the cats in the square in the square now is peeking out of there meow, meow meow, meow the cat in the square cheers and applause stephen Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt is on netflix. Good luck at the emmys. Thats going to clinch it. Well be right back with Andrew Dice Clay. And you probably do. Youre a beautiful thing. Sc johnson. The lincoln summer invitation is on. Its time for a getaway. Now get our best offers of the season. On the agile mkc. On the versatile midsize lincoln mkx. Or go where summer takes you in the exhilarating mkz. The lincoln summer invitation sales event. Ask about complimentary pick up delivery servicing. Right now get zero percent apr plus 1,000 dollars Summer Savings on the lincoln mkx, mkc and mkz thats the new rockstar. All jeans on sale, up to fifty percent off. No time to spare how was your vacation . Hey, guys, whats this tomato doing at randys desk . [all coworkers laugh] hahahahaha. You know, that actually reminds me, steve. I got you something. Aloha mangoes can get sunburned. Put some flavor in your break with new snapple mango tea make time for snapple. Depression is a tangle of multiple symptoms. Thats why theres trintellix, a Prescription Medication for depression. Trintellix may help you take a step forward in improving your depression. Tell your healthcare professional right away if your depression worsens, or you have unusual changes in mood, behavior or thoughts of suicide. Antidepressants can increase these in children, teens and young adults. Do not take with maois. Tell your healthcare professional about your medications, including migraine, psychiatric and depression medications, to avoid a potentially lifethreatening condition. Increased risk of bleeding or bruising may occur, especially if taken with nsaid pain relievers, aspirin or blood thinners. 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Please welcome Andrew Dice Clay. applause this is great. Stephen nice to see you. Boy, i like the outfit. Thank you. Stephen after all these years, youre still dicing it up. Well, this is what i do. Stephen you still do it very well. This is what i do. Stephen you still have the fingerless gloves from the 80s. Of course,. Stephen you stole that vest from adam ant. You look fantastic. The hair is gray but you still have the same vibe, man. Thats what i do. Stephen you have a big comeback when you were cast in entourage. You were in requested blue jasmine to great reviews. Why are you reading it i know what ive done. Stephen but these people dont. Dice now on showtime. Whats success like now as compared to your meteoric rise to fame 20 years ago. You know what . I went through a lot of controversy years ago because i was the first comic to fill 20,000 seats a night so i had to deal a lot with the media back then, not understanding that it is all a big joke, that these are just jokes i do. You know stephen getting in trouble for telling jokes, what is that like, Andrew Dice Clay . You know what it was like . They never saw a comthey can could do, you know, 100,000 people a week, which is what i was doing. Stephen uhhuh. But i got stephen like, what kind of arenas were you filling . In new york, Madison Square garden, nassau coliseum, the meadow lands. Stephen its like you, the stones, and the who in the same locale. It was a very exciting time but a very stressful time. I think this time im enjoying fame a lot more. Im getting to do what i always wanted to do, act, and things like vinyl for scorsese. My show runner here Scott Armstrong from dice. And the reason i love dice is i get to be selfdeprecating. You know, i get to make fun of myself. And scott makes sure to it. And hes one of the best, movies Like Old School hangover 2. And its like, all right, we hear your ideas. Now let us do what we have to do. Stephen what were some of the things you got most in trouble for, things that people didnt understand . You know, but thats what you know, theres a dramatic show tonight where you did at the beginning, its heavy. And i do you know, when i think of trump, i go, this guy stole my whole act to become president. You know. laughter just you know. applause . Stephen a little bit. But the bottom line is what i do is an act, and when youre the president of these united states, i have to agree we need to stay united. And, you know, somebody has to own up. And this is want greatest country in the world. And when you have applause you know, the opportunity to go out and live your dream, thats an incredible thing, and everybody should be allowed to do it, and it should be safe in the streets. And i completely agree what you were talking about you know. Stephen well, did you i gotta say it, you know. Stephen yeah . You know, because i know donald for a long time. Stephen oh, you know mr. Trump. I did the aprentice and he booked me in his hotels, and thats all good. Thats all business. But when you want to run the country, you make it safe for the people that live in that country. Thats the bottom line. applause . Stephen you know, a lot of people say a lot of if i was running for president if i was running for president. Stephen yeah. You know, like, remember when he had those arguments with hillary, those three argument s. Stephen you mean the debates. Yeah, when they were fighting. Stephen yeah, the debates. To me they werent debates. They were arguments. Like, if i was running for president i would come out and make it simple for people. I would tell them things i could make happen. Stephen like what. Like, if im president , no more monday. laughter nobody likes monday. Lets go right to the tuesday. Stephen okay. Are we doubling down, is it double tuesday two saturdays, i like that. You go to wednesday. Nobody really cares about thursday because the weekends coming. Un, things that you could get done, you know laughter . Stephen because you know all the best calendar guys. You get the beam pooem on it. You know a guy. Great band, by the way. Stephen amazing band. Amazing band. Great band. My, my, my sons who are on dice with me stephen yeah, theyve got a band, dont they . Theyve got a band, still rebel. Stephen still rebel, there you go. This is a prop. Its up on spoddify. Thats surreal, working with my own sons. Stephen thats so nice. I would love to work with my sons. Now, did they cry when they were bap tilessed. They cried because they both got the bric thing, the rabbi. Stephen i understand, i would cry, too. Im still looking for the rabbi that did me. Im telling you that right now. Stephen asking for a rebate . Asking for a rebate. Its not that big, but its heavy. Its got weight. You know what i mean . laughter you know what i mean . Stephen its got girth were talking girth. Listen to me. Were men. Me and you are men. Stephen man to man. Man to man when im walking around, it almost feels like im doing schugz, thats how heavy it is. Stephen see, thats your platform. Thats your platform. Not that long, but, lord, its heavy. Id put that on a lawn sign. Andrew dice clay, nice to see you. Season two of dice premieres this sunday on showtime. Andrew dice clay, everybody. Well be right back with peter serafinowicz. You can do endless online research. Or, you can take advantage of our best offer ever on an xt5. Dont wait. Our 2017 models will be moving fast. You can drive a car. Or you can drive a cadillac. Come in now before the end of our made to move 2017 clearance event and leave with the perfect cadillac xt5 for your next adventure. Choose a low mileage lease on this xt5 for around 339 per month. 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Nows your chance at completely clear skin. Dj hey siri, remind me to dominate relentlessly today. Csiri okay, ill remind you. [door crashing] [reminder ding] dj already on it. [siri ding] rok y . We got pencils, yes we do wideruled notebooks, scissors, glue weve got ice cream. Sprinkles, too everything you need to ready, set, go back to school. You never know whatll inspire you. The rhythm of the waves. The language, the laughter. Or the noise in the night. I take it all with me, and give it all back. Experience moe as a member. The marriott portfolo has 30 brands in over 110 countries so no matter where you go, you are here. Dj siri ok, 10 minutes andr 10 counting. Es. Chef ludo je sens ce que the rock mijote. Dj man everything does sound better in french. Dj gimme some, chef. [siri ding] cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody. Welcome back to the show. Ladies and gentlemen, i have a treat for you. Youve seen my next guest in shaun of the dead, and guardians of the galaxy, and heard him as darth maul in Star Wars Episode one. Please welcome peter serafinowicz. Come on up. There you go. applause re stephen as i said, you have a fantastic roster of films to your name. Perhaps one of my favorite liengz you ever said was, what a bunch of aholes in guardians of the galaxy. Thanks, man, thank you. Stephen you have done so much voice work over the years, and sometimes americans. How did you get your american accents because spoiler alert youre not american. Where in england are you from, by the way . Im from liverpool. Stephen well, thats a really specific english accent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stephen you dont have it right now . No, not right now, because im on television. So im laughter but, you know, i suppose, you know, if i still lived in liverpool i would probably talk like, this you know what i mean . Stephen oh, wow. The beatles are from liverpool. Do you do the beatles . Yeah, yeah. I loved when i was young one of the first voices that i loved to do was john lennon, you know. And particularly, applause thank you. But, really though, you know, the voice that he had when he he had been living in new york for five, six years, you know, and, you know, he could look back on the whole beatles thing and just talk very wisely about it. I mean i just love that voice stephen its the best. I loved it. And then, you know, you, you know, i also, you know, am pretty kind of a little bit obsessed with paul mccartney. Stephen i had to play george one time in a piece. Oh, thats good. Stephen i had to play George Harrison for one time for a piece. Thats good. What do you do that in. Stephen it was when abc abc had, you know, the beatles memories, that thing. It was me and john and paul, and we were writing, you know, octopuses garden. That was my george. Thats all i could do. Thats thats brilliant. Stephen thanks very much. Liverpool took forever. You have done something amazing with donald trump this political season. You have revoiced donald trump on youtube videos that ive seen. Yeah. Stephen youve got different versions of donald trump, exactly the words hes saying, exactly timed with his lips. You do sophisticated trump, cockney trump, and possibly my favorite, you have sassy trump. Uhhuh. laughter . Stephen you have a recent sassy trump id like to show the audience if you dont mind. And this is donald trump talking about north korea. Jim. North korea, lets not make any more threats to the united states. They will be met with fire and fury. Like the world has never seen. laughter they have been very threatening beyond a normal statement. And as i said, they will be met with fire, fury, and, frankly, power, the likes of which this world has never seen before. Thank you. cheers and applause stephen amazing. And now incredible, incredible. He sounds more believable. laughter . Are we not talking about trump anymore. Stephen would you thriek talk about trump . Yes, i would, yeah i would. Stephen can i mention that youre the tick coming up on amazon. Yes. Stephen youre the tick on amazon, its done. The tick. Yeah, i play the tick, its on amazon august 25. Its really good, right. Its great. , of course, it is. Of course it is. Im not being eye hope i dont come off as being immodest, but im great in this show. laughter no, no. Its very stephen again, an american. Youre an american. The tick has an american accent. Yes. Stephen you, christian bail, brits taking american superhero jobs. This is why people voted for trump. laughter . Yeah, i am, im a legal immigrant. I have a visa, and, you know, i i i find that kind of troubling that you would bring that up, actually. laughter but, actually, on the i do you know, for some reason there is kind of some mystique about british actors, you know. Im very happy about it, you know, that because i cant get any bleep work in london. I really cant, you know laughter . Stephen were suckers over here. And, you know, its like youve got an english accent, suddenly you have 500 points. Wow, he must be some kind of intellectual, and, you know, he must learn his lines and he obviously knows shakespeare. All of these things are false. Stephen you dont know any shakespeare . Shake who . No, no. Yeah, me, not really. My wife is an actor, and she knows lots of shakespeare. Stephen and youre not an actor. No, i am an actor. Stephen but you justified her knowing shakespeare by saying shes an actor as if thats for actors, not for maybe she doesnt, and that was me doing some good acting. laughter applause . Stephen well never know. Well never know. The tick premieres next friday on amazon. Peter serafinowicz, everybody. Well be right back. Thank you. Late show. Tune in tomorrow when my guests will be john dickerson, michael rapaport, and musical guest, grizzly bear. Now stick around for james corden and his guests Harry Connick jr. , willem dafoe, and emma bunton. Good night captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org cheers and applause james there he is. Floyd mayweather. How are you . Whats up, james . Im good, man. James so, youre about to go up against Conor Mcgregor and i cant help you with the actual fight, but lets talk ring walks. Youve had lil wayne, 5nt