The gym to even a romantic evening. So order the game of thrones spoilproof bucket today. Just 59. 95, express shipping available. The best part is you can take it apple picking and use it to hold the apples. Our you could use it to hold the severed head of no its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, stephen welcomes Michael Moore, Sutton Foster, and musical guest black. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen hey hey stephen hey, everybody whats going on youre too kind. Folks cheers welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. cheers and applause i began my day as i often do, by checking Donald Trumps twitter feed to see how far the crazy has spread. And today, i really think hes off his beds, because today he went from crazy to cruel, tweeting what . What wont you allow . Socks with sandals . Dancing . laughter please tell me its not alcohol. I needs my drank cheers and applause i gotta have it. What could it be what could it be it took him 10 minutes to tell us what it was. What could it be. 10 minutes later he told us what he wont allow includes transgender individuals to serve in any capacity in the u. S. Military. Our military must be focused on decisive and overwhelming. Victory and cannot be burdened with the tremendous medical costs and disruption that transgender in the military would entail. Thank you. Thank you . bleep . cheers and applause he doesnt say it. Sorry. Why the hell would he do this . This isnt even one of his campaign promises. Back in the campaign he tweeted this what the will does he think the t in l. G. B. T. Stands for . Trump . Tomato . Id like an l. G. B. T. Sandwich, hold the mayonnaise, and no gay stuff, okay. laughter the whole thing the whole thing took trumpsupporter Caitlyn Jenner by surprise. She tweeted cheers and applause caitlyn, i dont know if im the first person to break this to you, but hes a liar. laughter applause i know i know i know he said he was your friend, but he was using you, girl. You deserve better laughter and those 15,000 transgender troops, who volunteered to serve our country, were minding their own business, protecting our freedoms, when they all got fired by tweet. Thats like your wife divorcing you by cookie bouquet. laughter and keep in mind, this is what really stings they are being rejected by a rich guy who during vietnam sidestepped the draft with four deferments and a medical disqualification for bone spurs in his foot. Audience boo stephen yeah, yeah, i know, but they were manly bone spurs in a powerful dude foot, okay, that just got all ouchy when he put it in a boot. And some transgender veterans are not taking it, like former navy seal kristin beck, who said cheers and applause thats a navy seal. I wouldnt hold my breath if i were you. I doubt hes going to show. What with the foot and all. And lets talk about those tremendous medical costs. Its estimated that healthcare for transgender personnel would add between 2. 4 million and 8. 4 million per year to the militarys healthcare budget. To put that number in perspective, the military spends five times as much on viagra. And if your erection lasts for more than four hours, thats too bad, because youre stuck on a submarine for the next six mongst. So clearly why so much viagra . Is that why they dont use bayonets anymore . They just put an edge on that thing . Just sharpen that thing up to a mirror polish. Put that one over there. Over there. So, clearly, its not about the money or the military, because the pentagon seems to have been unaware that trump has decided to bar transgender people from the military. So, the pentagon didnt even know. Wait a second, trump said he consulted with my generals. I know, that must be a typo. He meant my genitals. Damn you, siri. Damn you, siri. cheers and applause its not his fault. Its not his fault. So why is he being a jerk . Other than practice . Probably to try to distract everybody from the fact that repeal and replace is getting ass and kicked. cheers and applause okay, you guys remember yesterday we were talking about this yesterday. Yesterday you guys might want to watch yesterday. Yesterday we were talking about how the Senate Republicans celebrated narrowly voting to open debate on their Obamacare Repeal bill. Well, that victory is on life support already, because last night, their plan to replace obamacare lot of 4357. But because the republicans had a backup plan for their backup plan, it wasnt over because today the senate voted on an amendment that would repeal obamacare but not take effect for two years, giving lawmakers time to come together on a replacement plan before people lose their health care. Good news, honey, i know i promised to redo the bathroom. I couldnt agree on how to do it, so i tore out the sink and the toilet 3 now, dont poop for two years. They held the vote today this afternoon they held the vote today and they lost again 4555. cheers and applause but thats five times. They lost five times. But dont worry. They have a backupbackup backup plan, the socalled skinny repeal, which i think is made with soy milk. Oh, you know who could use some antianxiety medication . Members of the trumps cabinet. Because he will turn on you faster than an inbred dalmatian for days now, over a week, hes been attacking attorney general Jeff Sessions, who was the first senator to endorse him during the campaign. You know what they say keep your friends close, and dont be Donald Trumps friend. applause friendship . Friendship . Jon yeah, friendship. Stephen i dont know. This morning, trump went after Jeff Sessions again, tweeting man that is that is all over the place. Forget the swamp drain that tweet. And get this trump launched that twitter attack while sessions was at the white house, and trump was tweeting at him from another corner of the same building laughter mr. President , as your attorney general, i wish to discuss an important matter and i see you have retreated to your tweetin corner. I respectfully await your abuse. Where is the spanking machine . laughter so, the white house is in chaos, okay. Nobody trusts anybody there. His healthcare push is failing. His Approval Rating is plummeting. So to cheer up, he threw himself a rally in ohio last night. That is just sad to see a grown man who cant go a day without hearing the cheers of an adoring crowd. Am i right cheers and applause its ridiculous. Its ridiculous. Stephen Stephen StephenStephen StephenStephen StephenStephen Stephen cheers and applause stephen that is, obviously, a joke. laughter its also a great replacement for viagra. laughter and it must have been a great rally last night, because today trump tweeted the crowd in ohio was amazing last night broke all records. Yes, it was the largest crowd ever assembled at the 6,000person capacity covelli centre. So, i assume they broke the record for most 6,000 . But remember, he said it broke all records. I assume he had the worlds tallest, longest fingernails guy, the fat motorcycle twins. Also, somehow it was the highest grossing bollywood film of all time. Trump took the opportunity to answer his critics. Sometimes they say he doesnt act president ial. In fact, i said, it is much easier, by the way, to act president ial than what we are doing here tonight, believe me. Stephen because what we are doing here tonight is an absolute embarrassment to the office. Believe me. This is not president ial at all. applause and, of course, as to be expected, donald trump was very humble about his place in history. With the exception of the late, great abraham lincoln, i can be more president ial than any president that has ever held this office. Stephen more president ial no. Audience boo stephen more president ial than washington, who invented the presidency. Who won the revolutionary war. And for the record he did it with bone spurs in his mouth. Weve got a great show for you tonight, Michael Moore is here. But when we come back, the mooch before we hit the beach, ive gotta hit the loo. We cant stay here why . Terrible toilet paper ill never get clean way ahead of you, big daddy. Aww. Charmin ultra strong. Its washclothlike texture helps clean better. Its four times stronger and you can use less. Beautiful view. Thanks to charmin. And you, honeybear. Awwwww. We all go. Why not enjoy the go with charmin . band playing cheers and applause Stephen Jon Batiste and stay human right over there, everybody. cheers and applause matty rice on guitar singing over there right now. Give it up for matty rice. I wish you sang more. Youve got such a beautiful voice. I want to hear you sing more, please. Ask the big man . Stephen well, folks, we are still getting to knownewlree Communications Director and man whos walking here, anthony scaramucci. Eeeh this morning, he described what kind of guy he is on fox friends. What i dont like about washington is people do not let you know how they feel. Theyre very nice to your face, and then they take a shiv or a machete, and they stab it in your back. I dont like it. Im a wall street guy, and im more of a frontstabbing person laughter stephen hes a frontstabber. Finally, someone ben carson can relate to. laughter yesterday, the mooch threatened to fire his whole department, saying, the people in the room can stay in the room. They have to stop leaking. If they dont stop leaking, im going to put them out on pennsylvania avenue. You want to sell postcards to the tourists outside the gate, or do you want to work in the west wing . Hmm. Thats a tough choice. People who sell postcards dont make much money, but they also rarely get subpoenaed. Im not sure. A coin toss. applause cheers but then but then someone leaked that the mooch was trying to fire a press aide named Michael Short. Apparently, everyone in washington knew, except Michael Short, who said, no one has told me anything, and the entire premise is false. Which is also the title of the g. O. P. s new healthcare bill. cheers and applause but but but turns out, by the end of the day, Michael Short was gone. But scaramuch was enraged about the leak saying laughter stephen im sorry, i missed that in c. C. D. Im a roman catholic. What is the catholic doctrine against leaking that someones getting fired . Okay, youre supposed to do it like jesus get everyone together at dinner and say someone at this table will betray me. Its you judas. How about some frontstabbing . okay ga this is my body, this is my knife but listen the mooch was clear, okay. Leakers must go. And i have found the source of the leak by googling it. Turns out the initial leak of that short was going to get fired came from a political article whose source was scaramucci. Mooch no, mooch the leak is coming from inside your own skull its stabbing time applause well, today the mooch sat down with chris cuomo and refused to talk about the firing. Did the president tell you, get rid of this guy, hes one of the leakers . Im not going to answer that question. Why . Because i just said i wasnt going to answer it. I know, but what happened to being straight . What happened to im not gonna obfuscate . Im straightly, straightly not answering your question. laughter stephen hey, im an open book. Okay . The pages are blank, and the title is book. you figure it out. Okay, let me straighten out something. Hey, is that straight enough for you . cheers and applause didnt know it was loaded. The mooch went on to defend trumps treatment of attorney general and man trying to order one more cheddar bay biscuits, Jeff Sessions. Youve got to have a very tough skin to work for and deal with the president. But if he respects your toughness and he respects your honesty and your loyalty, somebody said, as you guys were entering this eighthour segment, that the loyalty for the president is onesided. Thats absolute nonsense, okay . He is a symmetrical loyalist, for sure. If you take care of him, hes going to take care of you. Stephen yeah, you know, one tiny hand washes the other. Okay . You scratch my back, i stab your front. laughter well be right back with Michael Moore. The ford summer sales event is in full swing. Shovel. Mulch. Brick pavers. Fence posts. Concrete. Were good. And wood for my castle. We got it. And a slide, and a drawbridge. Take on summer right with ford, americas bestselling brand. Now with summers hottest offer on ford f150. Get zero percent for sixty months plus an additional thousand on top of your trade in. Thats the built ford tough f150 with zero percent for sixty months plus an additional thousand on top of your trade in. Offer ends soon during the ford summer sales event. How was your vacation . Hey, guys, whats this tomato doing at randys desk . [all coworkers laugh] hahahahaha. You know, that actually reminds me, steve. I got you something. Aloha mangoes can get sunburned. Put some flavor in your break with new snapple mango tea make time for snapple. This is cand right now, lobster. Were serving up more delicious crab than ever. 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Please welcome Michael Moore applause cheers and applause man stephen nice to see you again. Yes, thank you. Stephen welcome to the neighborhood. Our theater is on broadway here, and now youre opening on broadway. How do you like working on the great white way . Actually, my production office, were also making another film right now, is right across the street from you. Stephen on broadway. Right here. Literally, were like five floors i can actually every day we look down into your office. Stephen my office . And your writer s. Stephen ive got to get some pants on no, youre fine. Youre fine. Stephen im okay. Youre fine. Its the writers, they occasionally end up on the roof. Stephen we have a roof we have a roof deck we go on. And ive been thinking about putting this on facebook because it looks like theyre up there passing a marlborough around or something. Im not stephen they can only afford one cigarette at a time, strangely. laughter i dont know why. We have to pay them more or Something Like that. What is it, though, about this corner you and i are on. The drilling every day, every day theres some crazy drilling. Stephen i think its trumps friends in the construction business. They just got theres a guy jackhammering up 15 floors up near my head all the time. You hear it every day. Stephen thats all i hear. I hear it right now when were on air. Listen, buddy, we havent talked to you in a while. Let me get your take on something. Transgender military ban. He announced it today just by fiat, like, didnt talk to anybody, didnt tell anybody, no lawyers, didnt talk to the military. Just got up this morning and said, you know, lets get those folks, and just tweeted it and theres no implication of what it means. No one knows. Nobody answered any questions. Sarah Huckabee Sanders threat everyoned to shut down the briefing today if anybody asked about it. What is so disgusting about this, if you are transgender trying to get by in this society, i couldnt think of any more brave people to have defending this country than transgenders because every day. cheers and applause theyve got i mean stephen what do they do now . There are thousands of Transgender Service men and women, what do they do now . They should refuse to leave. Seriously, 15,000 applause just say, were not going anywhere. Come get us. Let him go. Let him go as the commander actually stephen they have a lot of weapons. They do have a lot of weapons. What we have is a commander in chief who is transsiberian. Thats maybe the bigger problem. Stephen Jeff Sessions is getting a lot of heat from the president. Yeah, which is sad because he was his, like, main policy adviser, his best friend in the campaign. Stephen a lot of his early staff was sessions staff. Before there was trumpism, there was sessionism. Before that it was just called racism, but you know. cheers and applause stephen it makes you question whether anybody would trust donald trump because politics is all about, you know, i do a favor, you do me a favor. But trump say little bit more you do me a favor and stabbing time. Yeah. Stephen a year ago you wrote an open letter predicting donald trump would win. When no one else thought he was going to win, you said, no, i think hes going to win. So, first of all, congratulations . No, no. Stephen you were right. No, ive never wanted to be more wrong in my life. Well, i live in michigan. cheers right, so i was trying to warn the rest of the country, out here, people who voted for obama were telling me they were going to vote for him. And it was lining oh, wow. And so, you know, i actually contacted the people in the Clinton Campaign and said, i think you need to spend more time in michigan, wisconsin, ohio, pennsylvania. These are the Brexit States of america. And theres a lot of angry people. They dont sort of like trump that much, but they see him as their human molotov cocktail that they want to just throw into the system that has hurt them so badly. And i couldnt get anybody to listen to mow. Stephen