These instances that are linked in this and this and that where there is not an actual connection, where there is smoke, there is fire, and theres so much smoke. Okay, thats less dumb but it not what a frog would say, next . Action. As a teenager i would go up to people at rocks and hammers and baseball bats and hammers and people know the story when i was 14 and i had tried to stab someone. How did you get in here, security. Action. The American Dream is dead. Okay, remember, ker mit is a beloved character. Can you Say Something that everyone will love . We need a new president fast. Perfect, youre hired. Its the late show with stephen colbert. Tonight, we welcome john oliver. Mike ber big leah, and Michael Showalter featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now live from the ed sullivan in new york city it is stephen colbert. cheers and applause . Stephen hi, how are you . Whats going on, chris, please v a seat, please have a seat, everybody. Welcome. Oh, ladies and gentlemen. cheers and applause . Stephen oh ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the late show, im your host, stephen colbert. Let me ask you a personal question. Everybody feeling good . cheers and applause . Stephen well, clearly, clearly you do not work in the white house. Because it is wednesday, and you know what they call that at the white house, we are so humped day. Let me explain to you why. Let me remind you, recap the last couple of days. You know the whole Trump Campaign colluded with russia to influence or election and the didnt happen, dont know what youre talking about. Well, turns out it did, and they do. Because yesterday donald trump, jr. Released emails explicitly detailing an invitation by the russian government to collude, and his enthusiastic acceptance, quote, i love it oh, oh don, not as much as i do. laughter cheers and applause yeah, yeah. Now listen, just to give you, okay, so that was yesterday, that was yesterday, we have had a full news cycle to give you a sense of the fallout let me present you with a bouquet of early blooming headlines. The white house is paralyzed. And im pretty sure trumpcare does not cover that. I see another one, ready . Here we go. Heres another headline. The white house is facing a category 5 hurricane. And remember republican president s have a spotty track record when it comes to dealing with hurricanes. But, obviously, obviously, thats not fair. Those were the Washington Post and cnn. How about hearing from someone on their side, try the New York Post. Donald trump, jr. Is an idiot, yes. Yes. applause e yes, keep in mind, keep this in mind, and i mean this, they are defending him. Because the alternative to idiot is inmeat and its hard to argue that point. Donald trump, jr. Is quickly rising to the ranks of americas most embarrassing Donald Trumps. Things are so bad, things are so bad, check out this tweet of staffers and white house visitors placing their hands on President Trump and praying for him today. laughter . Stephen okay, either that, either that or they are playing hands on a soft body. Whoever keeps their hand the longest gets to fire robert mueller. So with his agenda in tatterses, with his white house paralyzed, in turmoil, with his family in disgrace, the president did the right thing and headed to france tonight. France, and its understandable, that its says safe space, trump is like jerry lewis over there in that he seems like an idiot, because this proof of the Trump Campaigns collusion may have cost the president something he loves even more than his son. It will cost him his favorite catch phrase because last night one white house advisor admitted the russia story will get worse and worse and you cant just really say any more fake news. cheers and applause . Stephen you cant. You cant say it any more. Cant say it. I know how donald trump is going to feal about that. Sad. So tonight we bid a fond fairwell. We are fighting the fake news. Its fake, phoney, fake. You notice now theyre using, everybody is using the word fake news. Where did you hear it first, folks. Its all fake news, its phoney stuff t didnt happen. Fake news, cnn. Fake. What, the camera just went off. cheers and applause . Stephen im crying fake tears. laughter so pretty much everybody agrees, trump, jr. Was dumb to tweet this stuff. And the smart thing to do would be just to shut up. So last night he went on fox news. laughter and explained why he is not responsible for any of this. Someone sent me an email. I cant help what someone sends me. Stephen yes, he cant help. He has to do whatever it says in an email that is why his apartment is full of nigerian princes and boner pills. You are going to want to keep them apart. You are tbing to want to keep those two, keep those two apart. Plus this was way last summer. It was a total leigh different time. This is preyou were russia refer, prerussia mania, 13 months ago before the rest of the world was talking about that. Stephen yeah, he colluded with the russia before people were talking about russian collusion. Okay. Thats like saying yeah, i fired a gun at that guy but that was before everybody was talking about this whole murder trial, all right. How did i know. cheers and applause . Stephen what am i supposed to besides, i mean, the meeting was a dued. It was literally just a wasted 20 minutes which was a shame. Stephen yeah, it was all on his yelp review, one star, did not deliver treason to table, would not collude again. And, its going to be harsh for her business. Shes going to have trouble shaking that one off. Ive got some news for you, don, just because you didnt get your secret russian a intel doesnt mean are you the good guy here, you never heard the pervs say wait, what is with the cops, i brought wine coolers, what a wasted 20 minutes. Wait, what, why, where am i going, whats happening . applause but don, jr. Did learn an important lesson from all this. In retrospect, i probably would have done things a little differently. I know more now but hindsight is always 2020. Stephen hes right, hindsight is 2020. And i think a lot of voters will be using hindsight in 2020. cheers and applause . Stephen and meanwhile, of course, of course the white house is defending don, jr. , one official said he just wants to hunt, fish and run his familys real estate business. Yes, why did we force him to get into politics. You know he would rather be in a forest pursuing his first love, brawny man cosplay. Another, another laughter another anonymous source said, the kid is an honest kid. Okay. Pump the brakes a little bit here. This kid is a 39 year old man. And i got to say, its never a good sign when the person sticking up for you wants to remain anonymous. Don, jr. Is a good person, wait, youre not going to use my name, right . Even bill o reilly rose from the nonspin crypt, tweeting it was tabloid guy set him up with a russia lawyer who promised hillary dirt, she didnt deliver. Leave it to bill o reilly to find a way to blame the only woman in this story. cheers and applause . Stephen yeah, yeah. Clearly shes a collude tease. Now the president has been noticeably quiet through all of this, in part because his schedule is unusually light. And hes been watching tv and venting about the investigation. Light . Trump has spent half his presidency golfing. How much lighter can his schedule get. Sir, you have to get up, its time to go to bed. But, but, the president denies there is any trouble. Tweeting this morning, the white house is functioning perfectly. Focused on health care, tax cuts slash reforms and many other things. I have very little time for watching tv. I gt to say its not exactly comforting when the person in charge starts randomly assuring you that everythings just fine. There is your captain speaking, the plane is funking perfectly. We are focused on flying, landing and many other things. I have very little time for watching tv. Meanwhile cheers and applause . Stephen meanwhile President Trump himself is going through a news scandal am i had to change my emotional state, going through a news scandal of his own. Yesterday there were some shocking revelations from former Celebrity Apprentice and spare Tilda Swinton clay aiken. According, according to clay aiken, trump didnt make the decisions to fire people on Celebrity Apprentice, the shows producers from nbc made those calls giving trump instructions through a teleprompter on his desk that looked like a phone. Donald trump didnt even call the shots on his own tv show. Hes not the, you are fired, guy. That is the second catch phrase he lost in one day. The implications, obviously cheers and applause . Stephen i know, the implications here are enormous. Maybe, maybe he wasnt the one who decided to fire gary busey after his mechanical dog idea. Maybe it wasnt Donald Trumps idea to have Latoya Jackson and lil john work in a pizza parlor for charity. Oh my god, oh my god. Donald trump may not be qualified to be president. Weve got a great show for you tonight. John oliver. Stick around. My name is Cynthia Haynes and i am a senior Public Safety specialist for pg e. My job is to help educate our First Responders on how to deal with natural gas and electric emergencies. Everyday when we go to work we want everyone to work safely and come home safely. I live right here in auburn, i absolutely love this community. Once i moved here i didnt want to live anywhere else. I love that people in this community are willing to come together to make a difference for other peoples lives. Together, were building a better california. Stephen thats right, thats right. Jon, listen man, im super erck sighted, i want to remind everybody watching out there that next week is our russia show, all week long pieces we shot in russia. Here is the thing, i dont know if i told this to you but i was talking to chris about this about when we were talking about when we are going to have our russia week, we have so much material, we shot so much over there, five pieces we shot over there. And we want to have them pretty of all done before they we announce the week. I said if we wait until the 17th of july is anybody going to still be talking about russia. I was actually afraid, really, are people going to care by the 17th of july. And you said probably. So i was wrong. I was wrong. Ladies and gentlemen, im terribly excited because my first guest tobt is the emmy and peabodywinning host of last week tonight, please welcome our friend mr. John oliver. cheers and applause . Stephen as you were. Good evening. cheers and applause . Stephen nice seeing you. And you. Stephen i want to thank you for being here because i understand you are here. Thats lit reallily too many ows stephen well edit some out. No, that is a problem, i acknowledge, by drawing attention to it is like giving a child a tambourine, you cannot be trusted with the knowledge of the power you have. Stephen you are on hiatus right now. Yes. Stephen between seasons. Between seasons. Have i been canceled, what . Stephen between seasons. Just between weeks. Were working, but were. Stephen you have a show sundays. No, were working without doing a show. It is the dream. So were in the office and working, researching but he dont have to do anything at the end of it. So everything is perfect. Stephen wow, and you can get paid for that . Cuz i actually have to come out here and talk every night. I think thats the mistake. I think, it is the ultimate bank heist, isnt it, not having to actually produce anything at the end of it. Stephen those dragons are paying for everything. As long as the dragons are okay, everything is okay at hbo. Have they got defibrillators for those dragons, it is a dragon based economy. Stephen i imagine you take these two weeks off because this is the part of the summer where you go nothing, nothings going to happen. Its always happen, it is safe. You would have to have an offspring who is so stupid, that is the only and what is the chance of that, nothing. Nothing. We had we called this whole looming scandal way back in march, we came up with this device for stupid watergate, that idea that something with all of the gravitas for watergate where everybody involved is stupid and bad at everything. It was supposed to be a selfcontained joint but Current Events are making it more and more relevant which is not normally how jokes work. Stephen right, right, right. Let me ask you something. When trump, jr. Tweeted emails yesterday. Yeah. Stephen without a gun to his head, i might add. Thats right. Stephen the first one said, first one, said this is part of russia, and its Government Support for donald trump. What was your Immediate Reaction . Well, you know, it is probably wow. And then it is probably followed by the idea well, this is something, as long as we live in a world where something means anything. And im not sure we do any more. Stephen i know what you mean, yeah. It seems serious but do we live in a world devoid of consequences now, i forget where we are in human history. Stephen right. That is the mind blowing part, this seems like a seismic event but it might be nothing. Stephen right t might be, i was talking with my executive producer, tom, earlier today and we were saying that, you know, i am used to a world where were divided on things like abortion or taxes, or government control of health care. Polarizing issues. Stephen polarizing issues. Have we come to a nation where colluding with a hostile foreign power to manipulate our election is a left right thing . I dont know. Stephen is that it . Is that where we are . But the very fact you just said that sentence outloud showed that we are turbo [bleep]. Just the fact that you can say it thats what i found amazing was his confidence in saying this is nothing. And i done know what is he referring to there, the contents of the email, the content of his head it is the second one, i agree, if it is the first, i fiercely disagree. You about i condition even fathom how his lawyer felt, i tweeted it out, it is nothing. Oh, but thats a lot. It is a massive amount of nothing. And if you dont understand that, its even bigger. I cant i think i dont want to be your lawyer any more. laughter . Stephen i think his lawyer, you know what his lawyer needs, a lawyer. Do you think they just dont understand . Because it seems selfevident. It seems selfevident, people like tray gowdy or the New York Post saying this is, yeah, this is not good. But again, the fact were at a point where we are going, do you think they understand. Is it possible theres not a logical sequence of thought in their minds that have made them understand the gravity of the situation theyre in. The fact that we are wondering that, and you wonder it not just with this issue but with a lot. Are they just too dumb to realize whats happening. And the answer is not definitely no. Stephen you dont know. You dont know. Stephen that is the most chilling thing about this, you actually dont know. That is what is making this a roller coaster time in american history. Stephen yeah. Well, speaking of american history, russia, because. Yeah, yes, welcome home. Stephen exactly. Well done. Stephen you heard me saying earlier when i was introducing you here, that we delayed putting our russia stuff because there was so much stuff to go through and some of it literally had to be translated. And i so i was worried it wouldnt be relevant three weeks on. You went to russia. You interviewed edward snowden. A couple of years ago. Stephen how long were you there. For the least amount time we could possibly be there because the russians were angry we were there. And the americans were angry that we had gone. And it was just it was the most terrifying around 36 hours ive spent. Stephen did you go to moscow, st. Petersburg. Just moscow. So we landed and its just a group of terrifyinglooking people in your hotel. At the best of times, Large Russian men have arresting face of international hitman. At the best of times. Stephen absolutely. I called them like extras from john witt, that is what wit that is what it feels like in the lobby. Literal lein the will bee. You checking in, i think this man could break me with his eyes. Stephen right. Snap me. Stephen and there is one outside your hall. You are being followed all the time. Stephen followed by the fsb, the new kgb is the fsb. All the time, you think im just being par moid, paranoid, its worse, im not being paranoid, im seeing things i think im seeing. Stephen were you followed by the americans over there. We found russians, they went into my room, messed with my stuvment there was a guy drilling in my ceiling at 3 00 in the morning, obviously just sitting there, this will frightening him, and im lying there thinking youre right, i am, im frightened. You have achieved your goal. My producer found someone in his hotel room, and he was near the window and he said you called downstairs to have your window opened. Its february, were in moscow, you have to try harder than that. Stephen hold on one secretary. We have to take a little break. Well be rate back with more john oliver, stick around. cheers and applause s were back dub. Stephen were back, everybody. Mr. John oliver, joining us here on our program already in progress. I understand correct me if im wrong here, i dont know how much you can talk about this, but you know what i am going to ask about here, because you already decided not to talk about it. Uhhuh. Stephen you are being sued right now. Yes. Stephen by a coal company. Uhhuh. Stephen what can you tell me. cheers and applause this is youre torturing me. Stephen what can you tell me. I literally promised my executive producer before i came here i wont talk about it am and now were here. Stephen sure. Well, there are many things that i want to say, im bursting, look into my eyes, there is so much, so much. Stephen i know, i know. So much i want to say, stephen. Stephen so let me just say a few things and you sit there. Okay, sure, i will do my poker face. Stephen if you are currently being sued by coal magazine nate Robert Murray magnate Robert Murray. You told a story that he received instructions. Oh no, im in so much trouble, not with the lawsuits. Stephen he that he received instructions on starting his coal company from a squirrel s that true . Am i in the ball park of getting you sued again . Am i going to be sued for asking you these questions. This is hell. I am in hell right now