Youre too kind please, everybody, thank you so much. Welcome to the late show. Im your host stephen colbert. Well, the last 24 hours the last 24 hours have just raised more questions about why donald trump fired f. B. I. Director james comey. Okay. No one seems to know why. Donald trump doesnt seem to know why. laughter because heres the dealio. First, he said it was based on the recommendation of assistant attorney general and 50yearold just hitting puberty, rod rosenstein. laughter hang in there, rod. Now, trump even sent out mike pence to repeat that idea. You know, pence had to go out there and go, what are you going to do . Rod says hes got to go. Rods the man. Our hands were tied. Now, some people were skeptical that this was the reason. For instance, people like rod rosenstein, who said, and im paraphrasing, what . No sorry, fellas, no, no, no, no, no. laughter at one point, rosenstein actually threatened to quit. It will all be detailed in his tellall book threatening courage. laughter still, the white house staff kept repeating that the decision came after the recommendation from rosenstein. And today Donald Trump Backed those staffers up. Then ran over them repeatedly by changing his story. Monday you met with the Deputy Attorney general rod rosenstein. Right. Did you ask for a recommendation . What i did is i was going to fire comey. My decision. It was not you had made the decision before they came in the room . I, i was going to fire comey. I theres no good time to do it, by the way. They because, in your letter, you said i have accepted their recommendations. You had already made the decision . Oh, i was going to fire regardless of recommendation. So there was stephen yes, he was going to do it regardless. Totally believable. Trump does have a long history of doing whatever he wants regardless. But hey, when youre a star, they let you do it. Comey should have known he was in trouble when trump pulled out the tic tacs. laughter so if it wasnt on the recommendation of rosenstein, why did he get rid of comey . Look, hes a showboat, hes a grandstander. audience reacts stephen that is really the squash calling the pumpkin orange. laughter and applause that was an orange float at the rose parade. And that wasnt trumps only interview this week. He also sat down with the economist, and talked about chinese president xi jinping and the Amazing Things he learned about china. In fact, did you know that general tso was a real guy . laughter yeah, i think he fought with capn crunch. Not sure. Lets check it out. laughter jon magically delicious. Stephen i mean, in this interview with the economist trump really seems like he likes his new best friend xi jinping. laughter laughter tell me more, tell me more, did you have lots of fun . laughter tell me more, tell me more. Will they kill kim jongun . cheers and applause tell me more tell me more laughter do you have any regrets tell me more tell me more, will they forgive our debt . Thank you very much. Go greased lightning laughter and then what else . Trump also laid out his new tax reform plan to the economist, and used a totally original metaphor. laughter yes. Dont adjust your television sets. laughter you heard that right. Donald trump is claiming he came up with the phrase, prime the pump . sir, did you learn nothing from melanias speech . laughter just dont do it cheers and applause now, im no expert. Im not sure who invented the phrase priming the pump, but i think it goes back to the pump. laughter what other phrases did trump invent . Paper or plastic, that was me. laughter im the first one to call a left turn a louie. hows it hangin . No one wondered how it hung before me. Chocoholic. You are the weakest link. Goodbye. laughter trump also gave a white house tour to Time Magazine, and gave reporters a firsthand look at his dinner routine. Wow two scoops . Jon oh, man stephen does he also get to ride in the front seat sometimes . laughter applause man, i wish i was the president or really, anyone else. laughter trump was also sad about how everyones been so mean to him, saying you know what . I did not realize he was such a tenderhearted soul. laughter so im not gonna say anything negative about the president , like that his hands are so small he needs both of them to work a tv remote. laughter no, im going to let Time Magazines picture say that for me. laughter piano riff hold on, hold on, i cant, hold on tell the joint chiefs we are at code green. My thumb cant reach the on button. laughter but those, of course, are all just trifling details. The president also spoke to Time Magazine about the most important issue to him this show. Ahem. laughter laughter laughter cheers and applause piano riff the president of the United States has personally come after me and my show. And theres only one thing to say hehehe, yay yay laughter cheers and applause audience chanting stephen mr. Trump, mr. Trump, theres a lot you dont understand, but i never thought one of those things would be show business. laughter dont you know ive been trying for a year to get you to say my name . laughter and you were very restrained, admirably restrained, but now you did it. whispering i won. cheers and applause oh, no oh, no please dont make me trend on twitter again dont throw me in that hashtag briarpatch laughter but, youre not wrong. I will give this to the man. I do occasionally use adult language. And i do it in public, instead of in the privacy of an access hollywood bus. laughter applause and its true and its true thats dignified, that is dignified. And its true the night you appeared on this show right over there was very highly rated. In fact, the only episode that got better ratings was the night i had jeb bush on. audience reacts thats right. You got beat by low energy jeb. But dont worry, you won the ratings college. laughter applause its a reference to the electoral college. And making jokes about you has been good for ratings. Its almost as if the majority of americans didnt want you to be president. cheers and applause but you know whos got really bad ratings these days . You do. laughter terrible approval numbers. I hear theyre thinking about switching your time slot with mike pence. laughter but since all applause but since all of my success is clearly based on talking about you, if you really want to take me down, theres an obvious way resign. cheers and applause i mean, thats it, right . cheers and applause what, what on earth . I mean, if you did that sir, if you did that, what would i talk about then . Except your resignation. Because that would be fun. cheering and heres the thing a president going after someone telling jokes is unprecedented. That would be like Richard Nixon going after alfred e. Newman. laughter and if i may, mr. President , id like to quote that great man what, me worry . cheers and applause weve got a great show for you tonight. Mayim bialik is here. But when we come back, i got the first drafts of this years most popular mothers day cards. Stick around, moms. I love you, moms raz, where are you . Guys. Im trapped, my boss wants me here. We are not leaving without you. Just go downstairs now. Rapunzel . look for my chr. That was fun. Wait till you see where were going. Introducing an allnew crossover. Toyota chr. Toyota. Lets go places. Itbut one i think with quesa simple answer. We have this need to peek over our neighbors fence. And once we do, we see wonder waiting. Every step you take, narrows the influence of narrow minds. 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Available for at t unlimited plus customers. Mom whats for din. Ner . Water. Just water. Lots and lots of water. You wouldnt feed your kids just water, so why starve your plants . Feed them miracle gro and go from doom to bloom. So why starve your plants . cheers and applause Stephen Jon Batiste and stay human, everybody. Right there thats my man jon yeah woo stephen good to see you, jon we all love our mothers, dont we . Jon yes. cheers and applause stephen and i tell you what moms love. They love getting mothers day cards, dont they . audience reacts thats what im talking about. Its the kind of gesture that says, i passed the card display while buying mouthwash and batteries. laughter but even the best mothers day cards had to start somewhere. And the people who write them dont always nail it on the first try. Which is why tonight were taking a look at some early greeting card efforts in our segment first drafts applause now, as always, in first drafts, i always have somebody help me as we, to help me hold up the first drafts. So what i need right now is a mom. Do we have a mom who would like to come up on stage . Yes, young lady, come right here. What is your name . Pam. Stephen pam . Come with me, pam. cheers and applause all right. There we go. There we go, pam. Right there. Have a seat. Thank you so much for being our guest today, pam. Pam, its mothers day. Right. Stephen so for mothers day, we would like to give you, obviously, a mimosa. applause and a macaroni card that says mom on it. laughter have you gotten one of these before . I have, a few. Stephen these are for you. You can keep that. She can keep that, right . Sure. Stephen thats cbs property. Not sure if you can keep that. laughter so, pam, are you from new york or from out of town . Im from nashville, tennessee. cheers and applause stephen oh, thats a lovely town. Thats a lovely town. It is. Stephen very beautiful. And you have children of your own . I have two boys well, theyre not really boys, theyre men. But i have a 37yearold son and a stephen a what . 37yearold stephen no way i do. Stephen what . im going to have a grand baby this summer. Stephen congratulations thank you cheers and applause stephen wow, okay. I have another son, too, hes 33. Stephen you have a 33year old son as well. Yes. Stephen is he going to have a grand baby soon . Whats his name . Danny. Stephen danny, get on the stick, okay . You bet laughter now, what i would like you to do for me right here, id like you to hand me the top card off each of these. You can hold these in your lap. And then, lets see. Just hand me the top card, and ill hold it up, and this will be the final draft of the mothers day card, and then the next one will be the first draft of the mothers day card. Do you understand the premise of the jokes we will be doing . I believe so. Stephen excellent. laughter um, okay, so this first one here, it says happy mothers day to the worlds best mom. Thats lovely, who wouldnt want to get that. Would you like that . I would. Stephen okay. But the first draft read, kevins mom lets us smoke weed in the basement. laughter applause probably happened in my house. Stephen you ever have that situation . Probably. Stephenhents arent as good as you, right . You dont let your kids play with those kids, right . No. Stephen okay, yeah. Heres a nice one. It says, youre not just my mom, youre my best friend. audience reacts thats very sweet. Stephen that was really sweet, all right. But the first draft said, im going to start calling you linda. laughter how would you feel about that . I dont think id like that, no. Stephen have your kids ever said, hey, can i call you pam, or do they ever call you pam . Not really. Stephen no . Would you be okay with that if they said, i want to call you pam . Maybe not. laughter stephen no, i dont like it either. I dont like it either. All right . Lets see. This one says, happy mothers day. Mom, you taught me everything i know. Again, these are really good cards. laughter but the first draft not so much. The first draft said, dad taught me how to siphon gas. laughter applause is your husband here . He is here. Stephen your husband is here . Where is he . Raise your hand. Right there. Stephen is that you, sir, in the grey hair . Is that you . Yeah. Stephen did you ever teach the boys how to siphon gas . No . laughter oh, yeah, well see. Stephen well expect that card at fathers day. All right, lets see what weve got here. Oh, this is pretty on the outside. It says, happy mothers day. We may be far apart, but a part of you is always with me. audience reacts aww. Stephen yeah. But if you look at the first draft it says, happy mothers day. Im slowly turning into you, and it creeps me out when i look in the mirror. cheers and applause you know that feeling . Yeah. Stephen do your boys look like you or do they look like your husband . Actually, its i would say one is more me and one is probably my husband. Stephen okay. Thats very even handed of you, mom. Yeah. laughter stephen which one looks more like you . Oh, the oldest one. Stephen the oldest one. Do you have a favorite . Oh, i cant say that. laughter stephen you cant say. She has a favorite. That means she has a favorite. Simple answer no. Simple answer no, senator. All right. laughter okay. Were joking. Were joking, boys. How about this card . It says, happy mothers day. Simple and to the point. But the first draft said, happy mothers day. For the last time, heres your wifi password, dont throw this away. cheers and applause oh, thats happened. Stephen thats true . Oh, yes. Stephen okay. Heres one that says happy mothers day to the mom i can talk to about anything. Yeah, but the first draft read im into butt stuff. laughter cant talk about that. Yeah. Stephen there are limits. There are limits. Mom doesnt want to know. All right. You happy you came up here, mom . laughter okay, heres a nice one. Lets see. Happy mothers day. Youre the number one mom in the whole wide world audience reacts yep, but the first draft said, statisticians say sample size is too small to accurately determine your ranking. laughter well, thats not nice. This one says, happy mothers day. Thanks for being my godmother. But the first draft read, im not totally clear what your role is. laughter oh, my stephen pam, thank you for being here. Please enjoy your mimosa, please enjoy your macaroni art. And ladies and gentlemen, well be right back with mayim bialik. Pam, everybody happy mothers day cheers and applause by the time you head to the bank and wait to get approved for a home loan, that newly listed, midcentury ranch with the garden patio will be gone. 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Every great why needs a great how. ,, every great why happiness is powerful flea and tick protection from nexgard. A delicious chew that protects for an entire month. Ask your vet for more information. Reported side effects include vomiting and itching. Nexgard. The vets 1 choice. cheers and applause stephen hey hey, everybody welcome back folks, get ready, because you know my first guest from beaches, blossom, and of course the Big Bang Theory. Please welcome the lovely and talented mayim bialik. cheers and applause stephen please, after you. Nice to have you on the show. Nice to be here. Stephen now, not only are you on this show on cbs tonight, but tonight the Season Finale of season ten. Stephen of season ten of Big Bang Theory is tonight and i understand this is taped before that broadcast. Correct. Stephen its whatever, 3 45 or everyone dies whoops laughter im kidding oh, my stephen but Something Big does happen. Yeah, but not that. I was just kidding. Stephen hard to make that funny. I guess so. Stephen new big bang the universe starts all over again . Is it something having to do with your character . Yes. Stephen you can tell me that. Good, you have a one in seven chance of being right with that guess. laughs stephen well, youre here, i might as well take a stab with it. Something big happens with my character and sheldon. cheers and applause stephen Something Big has already happened between the two of you. We had coitus. laughs stephen thats what a lovely way to put it. laughter are you blushing . Stephen under all this makeup, probably. laughter so, we had jim parsons on last week and he said hes not actually understanding any of the things he says on that show, nor does he want to understand. Correct. Stephen okay, but you actually have a ph. D. In neuroscience. Correct. Stephen was that just, like, intense . cheers and applause was that just like intense method acting . How did this come about . No. I mean, i actually, i took time off. I was on blossom when i was younger. Stephen i remember. I took off 12 years to get my undergraduate degree and my graduate degree at u. C. L. A. , i had two children, did a lot of things in those years. And i returned to acting, honestly because we were running out of health insurance. Stephen pretty soon, everybodys going to return to acting. cheers and applause who would have thought that acting was the safe choice . laughter i had been teaching neuroscience for about five years after getting stephen teaching neuroscience . Where were you teaching neuroscience . I taught junior high and high school in our Home School Community in los angeles and i also taught biology and chemistry. Stephen wow. So do you ever explain to the other cast members what theyre saying means . So heres the thing about actors laughter they dont like when other actors say, let me give you a little pointer on that one. laughter they dont like that stephen not even pronunciation . They dont like that at all, no. Stephen oh. I love anyones enthusiasm for knowledge, you know . Theres such a. Science isnt always valued as much as it should be. True. Stephen scientists, the people on the characters yall portray on the show are referred to as nerds. How do you feel about that term nerd . Actually, my first email address ever was nerd ucla. Edu. laughter stephen that was available . It was available, thats right, in 1995. It wasnt cool yet and no one wanted it, but i did. cheers and applause stephen what makes someone a nerd, in your opinion . Because there are a lot of controversy over the definition of nerd sometimes, like people, like theres a rise of nerd culture and people want to be in nerds but they dont know what qualifies you to be nerd. I thought nerd just means youre enthusiastic about something. Really . Stephen yeah. Like im enthusiastic about this mug. Im a mug nerd. laughter stephen well, how mugs are made. And ancient kiln design. Oh, so what youre talking about is not just enthusiasm, but its an enthusiasm for how things work on an academic or an intellectual level . Yeah, generally those things will fall under nerd. Nerds dont tend to have an elaborate social life, but they can. We do. laughter stephen yeah. Information is your youre now my best friend. So i had no other plans tonight. This is it. Stephen is there a, could i qualify as a nerd . Tell me some of the things you like. Besides mugs. Stephen i really like astronomy. Okay. Stephen i really love the lord of the rings and tolkiens entire legendarium. Me too. Stephen oh, really . That would technically in my book qualify you also as a geek. Stephen so what is the difference between we could literally talk about this all night. Stephen lets cancel all the other guests. laughter lets geek out. So nerd versus geek. Okay, so id say geek tends to be someone whos interested in those kinds of things, fantasy, you know, star wars culture, star trek. Those people arent necessarily academically or intellectually inclined but theyre inclined towards having friends who also like those kind of geeky things and thats usually their social circle. Nerds tend to be by themselves. Geeks are by themselves with other people who are also by themselves. applause stephen so, let me see if i get this right. So, a geek, if im interpreting this correctly, is, oh, yeah, i know that dude, i met that dude at comic con. Yeah, hes cool. We play d and d together. Stephen exactly. Nerd is, we had no idea, he always seemed so quiet. laughter we didnt know he was ever going to snap. Why are you perpetuating a stereotype . Stephen youre the one who said they have no thats my job on the Big Bang Theory. Stephen speaking of spreading ideas, youve got a book here thats called a segue, my friend laughter youve got a new book called girling up how to be strong, smart and spectacular. Okay. cheers and applause right. Stephen what is girling up . How does one girl up . One girls up by becoming a woman from a girl. The book is written for ages 10 18. And i basically used both my scientific background and my interest in the process of becoming a woman. And for me, i was a very unusual child im sure thats shocking to you i was an unusual teenager, im pretty much an unusual adult, and i wrote this book to kind of speak about the full female experience both for girls who dont fit in and girls who do to teach about the full experience, and again, with kind of a background in science in terms of the hormones and the biological processes that are part of being a female. In addition to dealing with difficult things in the 21st century girls have to deal with. Stephen now, im a 52year old man. Is there any way in which a man can girl up . laughter is there anything positive i could learn from this . You just asked me two different questions. There is something positive you can learn from this stephen yes, but i cant girl up . Unless how gender fluid are you feeling tonight . laughter stephen the night is young. applause girling up is out now mayim bialik, everybody well be right back with andy karl it was lovely to meet you cheers and applause discover card. Im not a customer, but im calling about that credit scorecard. Give it. Sure its free for everyone. Oh well thats nice and checking your score wont hurt your credit. Oh im so proud of you. Well thank you. Free at at discover. Com creditscorecard, even if youre not a customer. The seal you can trust. With stain and sealer in one. And easy to choose colors. Exceptional beauty and protection have never been easier. Thompsons waterseal stain and sealer. Available at national retailers. quiet chatter soft gasp record scratching excited chatter various whoa mixed exclamations cheering cheering cheers and applause stephen hey, welcome back, everybody my next guest, ladies and gentlemen, is nominated for a tony award for his performance in groundhog day. Please welcome, andy karl cheers and applause so good. Stephen welcome to the show. Nice to have you on. Thank you very much. Thanks for having me. Stephen we met briefly the other night. Last week, last monday. At the met gala. Stephen the met gala. Super splashy, super fancy. Very cool. I wanted to say one thing i noticed when you were there, there is so much hubbub going on, theres celebrity galore. Its crazy. It was my first time there. Stephen fancy models and rihanna. Its insane. But the one woman you wanted to be with was your wife and you just kept canoodling with her all night and it was just beautiful to see that. audience reacts i was with my wife cheers and applause stephen wow, thank you. You just got me some serious points. Thank you very much. Happy mothers day stephen thank you very much. Did you meet any fun people . You run into really cool people, sitting there, talking to elon musk about methane reclamation systems on mars or something. You just never know who you are going to run into. I did not meet him. I met one of my favorite stars, hugh jackman. That was cool. cheers and applause wolverine he had seen the show, my show the night before. So i was like, thank you for coming. And he had such a great time. He didnt come backstage because he had his kids and stuff. But i was glad i could meet him there. And then he gave me this weird compliment that a friend of his told him that i look like a combination of him and Anderson Cooper if they had a love child. laughter and i was, like, i will take that compliment stephen yeah, thats a power couple. It is. Stephen wow laughter now, youre currently starring, as i said, in groundhog day on broadway. Hows that going . Its so good. Stephen yeah. Its a great show. Stephen youre currently starring in groundhog day on broadway. laughter hows that going . So good. Its a great show. Stephen youre currently starring in laughter applause okay, but heres the thing, as people may not know. As youre nominated for a tony, its a brilliant performance, everyone is blown away by your performance, but they might be more blown away if they know what youre working through. Can you tell the people what happened three days before Opening Night . Three days before Opening Night, ill try to make a long story short stephen youre all over the set, jumping, flipping yeah, im on stage pretty much the entire show. Stephen as phil connors. Running around as phil conners, the weather man whos stuck in time. And, so its a very active show and theres one part of the show towards the end of the show where im running around saving everybodys life. Ive learned my lesson as phil conners and im saving everybodys day, im catching cats falling from trees and all sorts of things. So im running from stage left to right. So, here comes the last part of the number, where im full tilt, stage left to stage right leapfrogging over somebody, landing, catching a woman falling off a ladder then catching a cat falling out of a tree. So i didnt get the catching part because after the leapfrog my a. C. L. Just, like, ripped. audience reacts my knee went into this knee. I went down and im crawling off the stage sobbing and sad. This has a really good ending, at least. laughter stephen this is not the sort of thing you can hide from the audience. You cant, no, we had to stop the show. They asked for a doctor in the house. Which, i never thought i would hear that in my life. Stephen literally . Over the loud speaker . Yeah, and i think like a pediatrician came back and it was as close as we could get. But i sent everybody away because i wanted to sing the last song of the show for the audience because we were so close to the end. The last song is a brilliant song by tim minchin, our composer called seeing you, and its about phils journey throughout the show and hes learned his lesson and hes now able to see that everybody around him makes him better. And i still have a hard time talking about it, because when i walked back out on stage, i got such love from an entire audience, and the cast onstage, and the crew. They just applauded me going out there and i sang that for them. It was one of the best theater experiences ive had in my life. And the worst as well. cheers and applause stephen and the show must go on. Thats it. Thats right. Stephen thats a real trooper. The show must go on. I learned that in theatre a long time ago in theater and its proving it now. cheers and applause stephen im guessing the guy, whoever it is who came up with the phrase the show must go on had not just torn his a. C. L. , though. He had a hangnail stephen the flu or Something Like that. coughing the show must go on. laughter stephen youre in groundhog day, youve been in rocky the musical, do you specialize in doing musical versions of movies . Because i could see you in fast and furious the musical. Broadway drift. laughs stephen is it sort of hard to fulfill the expectation of the audience who said, i saw this movie, thats not phil conners . Yeah, well i think whats great about the show, is that its a work of art. It really is so good the way they deconstruct it. What you do with a movie when youre turning it into a musical, you really have to tear it apart and put it back together again because youre adding music, youre adding emotion, you dont normally get. We built up some other characters, we made other characters sing that you wouldnt expect. So, what theyve done is Just Brilliant and its genius to look at and its genius to listen to and danny ruben who wrote the original script with harold ramis is also the script writer for this show, so, were in good hands and youre going to love it. cheers and applause stephen well, lovely to meet you. Groundhog day is at the August Wilson theater. Andy karl, everybody. Well be right back with comedian ramy youssef cheers and applause hey, need fast heartburn relief . Try cool mint zantac. It releases a cooling sensation in your mouth and throat. Zantac works in as little as 30 minutes. Nexium can take 24 hours. Try cool mint zantac. 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Just 45 per line for four lines. How do they make starburst taste so juicy . They use wicked small fighter jets to shoot the juiciness into every starburst. [ pilot ] its about to get juicy. Whoo i feel so aliii. It takes guts. [ female announcer ] starburst. Unexplainably juicy. Mom whats for din. Ner . Water. Just water. Lots and lots of water. You wouldnt feed your kids just water, so why starve your plants . Feed them miracle gro and go from doom to bloom. Its my dale call. So why starve your plants . [engine revving sounds] if youre on a diet of taking it up a notch. Thats way better than my duck call. Drink diet dew. The only diet with dew in it. cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody welcome back. Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest is making his Network Television debut. Please welcome, ramy youssef cheers and applause piano riff hey uh, my name is ramy youssef, and im muslim cheers and applause like, yeah, yeah. Like, from the news . laughter have you guys seen our show . laughter fox news or any of the news, really. Theyre all about us. I get why people are afraid. I do. Especially if you dont know a muslim, of course. I mean, even if sometimes i watch for too long, im, like, whoa, am i going to do something . laughter they make it seem inevitable. I feel like, no matter what i do, im just going to turn 30 and get a hogwarts letter from isis. laughter cheers and applause no, seriously, like there is going to be a dude at my house with a beard and an owl, like, youre a terrorist, ramy, you have been one the whole time and we start in september. Ill be like, all right, yeah, cool, do i get a wand . I would join isis if they gave me a wand. Like a wand is way cooler than democracy. Seriously. Thats not real. I dont know what is real anymore. Like, i agree with trump when he says fake news. All the news feels fake because none of it really affects me. Like i see this tragedy on a screen and im sad, but then i have my day, and its fine. Like, i remember the day the muslim ban happened. I was upset. I have family that doesnt have citizenship. You know, i want to see them again. But personally, i had a really good day. laughter that day, i got cast in a taco bell commercial. laughter applause so, yeah. Im watching tv and this guy is, like, this is a terrible day for all muslims. Im like, well. Not all muslims. laughter and it was this shell made out of Fried Chicken, and i had this line that i had to say. I go, a shell made out of Fried Chicken . Thats inconceivable. And then my mom texted me and she was like, were not sure if your uncle can get back in the country. And i was, like, wow, mom, thats crazy. But you want to know whats inconceivable . This shell. laughter obviously, i dont agree with the ban. Of course not. But the problem is i do agree with, like, every third thing that trump says. Its like a weird multiple choice test. laughter hell be like mexicans are rapists, muslims got to go, the government is broken, it could do better. Ill be, like, well, one of those is true. Are all of them true . laughter and then he says some things that are definitely true. Like they have nothing to do with the debate but hillary would be up there like, this is what im going to do about isis, and im going to bring back jobs. How about you, donald . And he would be just, like, La Guardia Airport sucks. laughter and i would be, like, it does, man dude, hillary hasnt talked about la guardia all year shes lying, check the emails. laughter and now were here. I just i still think were going to be okay. I really do. Because i believe in god. Like, godgod. Not yoga. And i know thats a weird thing to say, i get it, you know, religious culture can be crazy. I dont agree with all of it. I grew up in a town where i watched my gay friends struggle to come out to the religious community. And now i live in l. A. Where im a religious person struggling to come out to the gay community. laughter applause and tell them what i think. Theyre just like, you believe in god . Dude, thats so gay. laughter i just for me, god is hope that theres more to life than whats in front of us. You know, that even if things seem impossible, theres still a chance that it could be okay. And im not trying to be preachy, im really not. Like, all im trying to say is just submit to islam because its the truth. laughter applause and thats the only way you will be saved. Seriously, thats the only way. Trust me. cheers and applause youve got to do it. Stephen you can see him on the Upcoming Season of mr. Robot. Ramy youssef, everybody well be right back. cheers and applause ,, happiness is powerful flea and tick protection ,, from nexgard. Nexgard kills fleas and ticks all month long. And it comes in an easytogive tasty chew. And that makes dogs and owners happy. No wonder vets love it too. Reported side effects include vomiting, itching, diarrhea, lethargy and lack of appetite. See your vet for more information on flea and tick protection you and your dog will love. Nexgard. The vets 1 choice. Pg e learned a tragic lesson we can never forget. This gas pipeline ruptured in san bruno. The explosion and fire killed eight people. Pg e was convicted of six felony charges including five violations of the u. S. Pipeline safety act and obstructing an ntsb investigation. Pg e was fined, placed under an outside monitor, given five years of probation, and required to perform 10,000 hours of community service. We are deeply sorry. We failed our customers in san bruno. While an apology alone will never be enough, actions can make pg e safer. And thats why weve replaced hundreds of miles of gas pipeline, adopted new Leak Detection technology that is onethousand times more sensitive, and built a stateoftheart gas operations center. We can never forget what happened in san bruno, thats why were working every day to make pg e the safest Energy Company in the nation. cheers and applause stephen hey, nice to see you. Thats it for the show, everybody. Now stick around for james corden and his guests goldie hawn and kevin bacon. Goodnight cheers and applause captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready to have some fun feel the love tonight dont worry bout where you come from its gonna turn out right its the late, late show reggie ladies and gentlemen, all the way from laos, give it up for your ,
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