laughing laughter ka stephen i dont trust this guy. He shouldnt trust me. laughter la stephen i wonder what hes thinking. Im going to murder you. laughter stephen what . What was i thinking out loud . Stephen yeah, you said that out loud. That was supposed to be my interior monologue. Stephen no problem, have a great show. Its going to be great. Dont murder me. Os ill try not to. Can somebody get me a sharper cheese moo knife . Its the late show with stephen colbert. Tonight, stephen welcomes. John leguizano. Cheri oteri. And paul f. Tompkins. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live from the ed you sullivan theater in new york city, second banna, t debate coverage. cheers and applause stephen hey thank you very much wow jon how you doing . Stephen hey Stephen StephenStephen StephenStephen Stephen thats nice. Thats nice, thank you very much. Thats a live crowd. Thank you very much. Thanks, everybody. Woooo thank you very much. Thats awfully nice. Thats awfully nice. cheers yeah. All right. Hey please thanks, everybody welcome to the late show. Im stephen colbert. We are live from the ed sullivan theater. cheers and applause beautiful new york, new york, after the Vice President ial debate. Man, was that viceexciting laughter did you guys watch the debate . You watch the debate . Everybody here . cheers and applause good. Thats good. For those of you who missed the debate, ill boil it down for you once upon a time there ybs a man who didnt release his taxes and a woman who didnt release her emails and fight. laughter coming into tonight, we knew almost nothing about either mike pence or tim kaine. In fact, more than 40 of americans cannot name the Vice President ial candidates. So these guys are really running for commander in heyy. Chief. Whats up, buddy . So the question is, who are these guys . Tim kaine has been a mayor, lieutenant governor, governor and now senator. He also plays harmonica in a band that is actually called im not kidding the jugbusters. laughter e applause im not sure i can say that on as. Jon i dont know. This is live, too. Stephen i assume junk jiglers was not available. When asked about kaines preparations, one preparations, one of his aides said, he doesnt have a pair of lucky debate socks or anything crazy. Oh, no tim kaine gave up his crazy debate socks back in his wild college days. Hed hang one on the doorknob to let his roommate know he was debating. laughter applause meanwhile big debating fans here tonight. Meanwhile, mike pence is the governor of indiana, who worked as a local talk radio host and described himself as Rush Limbaugh on decaf. laughter thats interesting. I didnt realize caffeine was the active ingredient in oxycontin. cheers and applause i didnt know. I didnt know. Jon oh stephen safer than i thought. I gotta get some. As governor, pences record was marked by his religious freedom bill that allows businesses to refuse service to gay customers on religious grounds. Because because as jesus himself said get out of my pizza parlor, you queers. Im paraphrasing. Obviously, were paraphrasing. Thats a roughly translation. Much niecer in the original americaic. They say these Vice President ial debates dont matter, and Hillary Clinton better hope because it was like watching white bread get pistol whipped by a jar of mayonnaise not a lot of flavor, but there was a clear winner. Early on, moderator Elaine Quijano set the rules. I would remind you that there is to be no cheering, no booing, re noise of any kind as the debate gets underway. Stephen please muffle your yawns, silence your blinks, and apply the breatheright strips before you fall asleep in your seat. And she was not afraid to ask the tough questions governor pence, let me ask you, you have said donald trump is, thoughtful, compassionate, and steady. Stephen my question is, governor, have you met donald shump . cheers and applause that doesnt sound that doesnt sound like it. applause there was one exciting moment when Jose Bautista crushed that fastball over the left field wall for a home run. Full disclosure i may have switched over to the playoffs just a little bit. One of the things i noticed was how much the candidates were writing while the other was speaking. I believe we have a closeup of what tim kaine was writing. That makes sens. And mike pence another good, he did. Mission accomplished. Mission accomplished. At one point and this surprised me a little bit tim kaine used some pretty salty sslk. Hes trying to sum up what donald trump said. Stephen what the fuzz . Watch the language, you motherfuzzer. You jugbuster. cheers and applause thank you. Big jugbuster fans here tonight. laughter kaine also had some colorful attacks on trump hes got kind of a personal mount rushmore. Vladimir putin, kim jongun moammar qadafi, and sadam hussein. Come on. Stephen that is untrue, senator. I have seen trumps personal mount rushmore. Its three trump heads and one grimace. Mao, pence was pretty passionate. Like he was from disneys hall of Vice President s. The Trump Foundation is a private family foundation. They give virtually every cent in the Trump Foundation to charitable causes. Stephen its true, they give virtually every cent to charities. The dollars, however, all go to donald trump. But pennies but the pennies here you go. Here gu. Here are the pennies. Dance hnce ance. It would be fun to see them do that. I gotta say, pence had a pretty good night. There were some surprising admissions from this cultural conservative. I try and spend a little time on my knees every day. laughter applause stephen apparently, mike pence is also very close with vladimir putin. Rew fair warning, fair warning, mike indiana businesses can now refuse to serve you. cheers and applause and its your law. Its your law. And when kaine mentioned trumps insults of mexicans, for the fourth time, pence had the perfect comeback. Senator, you you you whipped out that mexican thing again. laughter applause stephen that mexican thing . That mexican thing . It has a name, governor. I call it pedro. And it taught me spanish applause so onso on, lay. Lets say pences Strong Performance bodes well for trump since everyone knows the team with the best backup quarterback always wins the super bowl. Anyway, i dont know about you, but i am fuzzing happy that that thing is over and that we have a ereat show for you tonight. Leguizamo is here. And when we futurn, ill be over there, talking about the dramatic endorsement donald trump has just received from a major newspaper. Stick around, everybody. applause just received from a major newspaper. Stick around, everybody. applause the Bud Light Party wasnt invited to the debates. But we dont need them. We have debates of our own every night. A hotdog is a sandwich. Over bud lights, of course. Its pronounced jif. You cannot outrun a zebra. Heres to good natured civil debates. Also, its gif. Ever since you touched my i whand i knew ou, i love you, i love you, i love you. Where you go ill follow, ill follow, ill follow. Youll always be my true love, my true love, my true love, forever but she always told me i dont mcare if you turn out, to be a great athlete or whatever but, you need to make sure you get your college degree. Sometimes i call the house, just to hear her voice. phone ringing answering machine hi, leave a message after the beep. beep hey mom, this is larry. I just want to let you know that uh, i fulfilled the promise that you held me to. Love you. beep which is good for me 200degree range of sight hey and bad for the barkley twins. Take care of all your most important parts with centrum. Upgraded to our most d3 ever. With this level of engineering. Its a performance machine. With this degree of intelligence. Its a supercomputer. With this grade of protection. Its a fortress. And with this standard of luxury. Its an oasis. Introducing the completely redesigned eclass. Its everything you need it to be. And more. Mercedesbenz. The best or nothing. applause stephen welcome back, everybody. Jon batiste and stay human, everybody. Give it up jon, i do not i do not need i dont need any coffee tonight because you have an incredible guest sitting in with you tonight. Tell everybody who is sitting in with you tonight. Jon well, we have the talented and incredible melissa etheridge. cheers and applause stephen thank you for being here. I understand you have a new album coming out. Its called memphis rock and soul. It is out this friday. Melissa, thank you for being here. My pleasure. Thank you. Stephen welcome to our continuing live coverage of us being live, everybody. Weve been talking tim kaine and mike pence tonight. One of those men will be the 48th Vice President of the united states. The other will be on dancing with the stars. laughter now, for the first time ever, this is this is somewhat surprising the usa today has weighed in on a president ial race, calling donald trump unfit for the presidency. Thats right, if donald trump wins, usa today believes, theres theres laughter applause melissa, melissa, i want to thank you for being here for my last show. My pleasure. Stephen thats right. Ill try this joke again. laughter if trump wins, usatoday believes theres no usa tomorrow. laughter applause this could have wait. Do you understand . This could have a huge influence on Hotel Hallway floors. laughter this is a huge deal. The usa today has never endorsed a candidate, and they still havent because while theyre against trump, theyre still not for hillary, writing the Editorial Board does not have a consensus for a clinton endorsement. Our bottomline advice for voters is stay true to your convictions. That might mean a vote for clinton, or it might mean a thirdparty candidate, or a writein. laughter or a plastic bag and rubber band that can fit around your neck. The point is, you have options. Now, while the usa today didnt endorse hillary, Republican Newspapers like the Arizona Republic and cincinatti enquirer, have, making her the first democrat they have ever endorsed. applause meanwhile, donald trump has earned zero president ial endorsements from americas 50 biggest newspapers. Ing that that is shocking. There are still 50 newspapers . But my crack Research Team did find one newspaper that has endorsed donald trump. Joining us live via satellite from gangrene, wisconsin, please welcome the editor in chief of the oh,ly boirchgly supermarkets ad circular. Mr. Carl tolan. Oh,ly, boirchgly, stephen. Stephen thank you for being here. Its my pleasure. Stephen, would you care for a free sample of delicious gortons fish sticks . Its 30 off, limit five per household. Stephen im in new york, carl. Okay, ill mail them to you. Stephen you are the editor in chief for the oinklyboinkly ad circular. I am. A lot of pressure, i can understand that. Stephen what is the readership of your circular . Today i would say looks to be about seven. Of course, you cant tell the exact number since we used some of the circulars to mop up spills. Stephen and and why did you make the Bold Decision to endorse donald trump for president . Well, i just believe in his message, stephen. Trump wants to make America Great again. Speaking of great, this week only, you can save 40 cents on greated kraft parmesan cheese, now with a flavor lock cap. Stephen okay, so, i understand you like your slogan, but what about the wall with mexico . What about that . Well, i certainly believe we need to protect our border towns, like old el paso. laughter im not sure mexico will pay for it, but for just pennies a serving, every night can be taco tuesday. cheers and applause . Stephen okay, well thats a message thats a message of hope. I think were getting off track here, carl. What about trumps controversial statements regarding minorities, muslims and even about Miss Universe pulling on weight. Yes, all of that is horrible. But if youre looking to lose a few pounds, look no further than slimfast meal replacement shakes. Buy one, get one free. New look, same great taste. Stephen carl, i hate to call you out on this but you clearly just endorsed trump to promote sales. If you wanted to mention your specials on a tv show, couldnt you have easily endorsed Hillary Clinton . I dont know, theres something about a Trump Presidency that makes people want to stock up on canned goods. Stephen well be right back with John Leguizamo. Thank you, sir. Thank you. This is basically nothing. And yet, its everything. Introducing pepsi zero sugar. Zero sugar. Zero calories. But max pepsi taste. Nothing has never tasted so good. Mr. Bonejangles was alwaysr. Looking for something. Tch. But he never found it. Until one day. Seven in dog time. Exactly what he didnt know he was looking for fell right in his lap. Was he expecting the perfect toy at an amazing price . No, of course not, hes a dog. But thats the beauty of a store full of surprises. You never know what youre gonna find, but you know youre gonna love it. Marshalls. Your surprise is waiting. Try theraflu expressmax,nd flu hold you back now in new caplets. Its the only cold flu caplet that has a maximum strength formula with a unique warming sensation you instantly feel. Theraflu. For a powerful comeback. New expressmax caplets. With hotels. Coms for every 10 nights you stay, you get one free. Which is great for families. Finally whatever captain obvious. Hotels. Com. Great for families. Mom and for sore losers applause stephen hey my first guest tonight is an emmywinning actor, a producer, standup comedian, playwright, and activist. Please welcome John Leguizamo stephen nice look. Nice look. I know, right . Stephen yeah, yeah, yeah. I look like your evil latin brother. Stephen you kind of do. You dont have to be my evil latin brother. You can be my good latin brother. Thats true, thats true. Stephen why do you have to make latino evil . You are such a racist. The country is turning that way towards me. Stephen does it feel that way . A little bit, profiling. Stephen can you speak for all latinos for awe second . Yes, i can. I dont know if theyll let me. Stephen americans do think of all hispanic people oh, yeah, the people who speak spanish. But there is such a wide variety of people colombians, venezuelans. One of each stephen exactly. Legally we have to have one. Are they all i love toakins. Stephen are they all . Donald trump has been the best thing to ever happen to latin people. I know youre moaning and groaning, but activists have been trying to unify us for years to get us out to register. cheers and applause to vote. To speak up. To get, like, a latin spring going. And trumps done that for us. I mean, were registering in ridiculous numbers all around the country. applause yup. Republican cubans in florida are not going to vote for trump. They said theyre not going to vote for him. Stephen the cuban population is traditionally more republican than the rest of the hispanic population. And florida is not so much run by the latin republican cubans. You have venezuelans there, colombians, nicaraguans one of each. I feel like noahs ark, with latin people, or something. Ask theyre voting democrat. And so im going to go down there october 11 and register voters to. cheers and applause . Stephen yeah. Trump has anopportunity. Pence did pretty well tonight. It wasnt as boring as i thought. Youre right no, no, they interrupted each other a lot. Two very dull white people talking to each other. Not you. Not you. Stephen no, no, two very dull, you know, white people talking on top of each other is more interesting than one dull white person just staring at a camera, i suppose. True that. Stephen are you worried at all that trump might win . You are saying a lot of latino voters are registering, but are you really worried he might win . He has a shot at it. He does. The polls are too close. She says shes winning but shes not. Shes up by five points today. Its still too close. All my family is nervous. We all have a knot in our stomach, eating too much comfort food, dunkin donuts. Stephen is that traditional hispanic comfort food . Dunkin donuts . You live in new york, theyre everywhere. You cant help yourself. That smell, they waft it out. laughter and, you know, in spanish community, they call him el trump. Stephen now, what does that mean . laughter any spanish come on. You speak spanish enough. Stephen the trump. Right. Any latin word that has an article before it means theres some kind of scary monster thing, like the drug dealer el chapo. Or la chupacabra, the blood sucking goat, and hes el trump. Stephen its like eat your vegetables or el trump will get you. Its possible, its possible. Youre from queens. Yes, i am. Stephen hes from queens. cheers and applause . Yeah, he is. Stephen youre both from queens. Did your paths ever cross . Yeah, i mean, but not in queens. They crossed in manhattan. Stephen when, like he was at every club. Stephen you went clubbing with him . No, i didnt stephen you were at the club and donald trump was there technically youre clubbing with donald trump . Kind of. I was grooving to the music and he was doing his thing. Stephen did you say hi . Did you meet him . Yeah, he shook my hand and its incredible. His hands are so little, they make my hands look big. cheers and applause you know, its like guys love to date girls with small hands because it makes your mexican thing i dont know where i was going with that. I dont know. Your mexican thing. I dont know where i was going with that. Let it go. Stephen i know exactly where you were going with that but were live so you have to let it go. Just for once, just for once, let go of your mexican thing. cheers and applause i dont know if were even broadcasting. Im not sure were even broadcasting at this point. Have you heard tim kaines spanish . Have you heard him speak spanish . Yeah, its good enough. It sounds look a little like esperanto. Its not as bad as bloomberg. Stephen hes trying, hes trying. I love anybody who tries. Stephen and youre trying, too. Youve got a new show, called latin history for morons. Yes. Stephen okay. All right. Stephen who should see it, John Leguizamo . Is it just morons or can people who are not morons see it . Well, everybody is really a