Transcripts For KPIX The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20160901

But i am. Its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, stephen welcomes christian slater. Chris geere. And congressman john lewis. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen hey wooo wooo i caught you early. Whats going on . Jon whats happening. Stephen do you feel that . Jon i feel it i feel it oh Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Wow, man. Thank you so much, everybody. Thank you. Chris, hey, paul. Whats going on, paul . How are you . Hey thanks so much, everybody. Thanks so much. Listen, thanks so much for that greeting. I am Stephen Colbert. Welcome to the late show. I am Stephen Colbert. I dont know if you guys have been watching the news this afternoon while waiting for the show to start, but this campaign has been unusual from the start, but today it jumped the z. Train to weerdzville, because donald trump went to mexico. Quick, build the wall cheers and applause ill pay for it cheers and applause heres the deal. Heres what happened here. Trump was invited to mexico by their president enrique pena nieto, which is a little strange since nieto has previously compared trump to hitler and mussolini, which explains why the invitation asked trump to choose chicken, fish, hitler or mussolini. Now, the two men met in private, but we at the late show have obtained exclusive dpootage of their summit. Stephen thats rough stuff, but, you know, its what trump gets for sleeping with pena nietos lover while he was in a coma. Now, i am surprised really that trump would go someplace so dangerous. And i dont mean the drug gangs. I mean people down there love hitting trumpshaped pinatas, and this was their chance to find out if he is actually full of candy. Now here is the crazy thing about this trip trump looked cheers and applause i mean, heres the deal there he was, theres the podium and another president , and a equals b equals si, si, senor. You can really imagine him doing that again but, like, with the training wheels off. The big boy pants. The launch codes. I mean, the whole world saw him doing something hes never done before stay quiet while someone else was talking. And the whole thing changed the way you look at trump. But thankfully, it didnt change the way you hear him. I have many friends, so many friends, and so many friends coming to mexico and in mexico. I am proud to say how many people i employ. And the united states, first, second, and thirdgeneration mexicans are just beyond reproach. Stephen yes, trump is a big fan of second and Third Generation mexicans. Or, as theyre known in america, americans. laughter applause thats right, thats right. Jon americans. Stephen and at this press conference, trump outlined a number of specific policy goals. Improving nafta, number four. Nafta is a 22yearold agreement that must be updated to reflect the realities of today. Stephen its true. Nafta is so old, trump wouldnt even date her. laughter afterwards, a reporter asked if the two discussed the border wall. We did discuss the wall. We did not discuss payment of the wall. Thatll be for a later date. Stephen thats what hes said from the beginning were going to build a wall, and were going to make mexico discuss who pays for it at a later date now, this was excellent optics for the trump campaign. I cannot imagine the clinton folks are happy about this. In fact, im being told we have the official response from hillary clinton. Whats happening . laughter applause cheers stephen lets see, what else is frightening . Oh, it might be the end of the world see, theres this guy named lyle jeffs, leader of a religious fringe group, and he was under house arrest for ripping off millions of dollars in food stamps. He recently disappeared, and the f. B. I. Has been trying to track this guy down, but his lawyer has suggested jeffs was possibly swept away in the rapture. Thats right he is hiding out at gods place until the heat blows over laughter if this is true and the judge hasnt ruled yet, so we dont know that means we are in the end times. Evidently, when god judged the seven billion people on the planet to decide who he would save from the tribulation of the beast, he said, tell you what. Start with that food stamp guy right there. Now, of course, the doubting thomases at the f. B. I. Have their own crazy theory. They believe that jeffs dissappeared from house arrest by coating his ankle monitor in olive oil and sliding it off. But come on. Just because the f. B. I. Found some greasedup ankle monitor doesnt mean this guy wasnt also raptured. He was probably just oiling himself up so he could slip right through the bars of the pearly gates. After all, jesus said its easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of god. Imagine how much youd have to oil use on a camel. But on the outside chance that this guy wasnt raptured to sit at the right hand of the father, you should all be on the lookout, because the f. B. I. Is offering a 50,000 reward for his return. Whoa, whoa, hold on. Wait. What was that, stephen . Did you say 50 gs . Stephen oh, hey, god yeah, theres a huge reward for this guy. Why, have you heard something . That depends. I may have seen him around. Is his one of those no questions asked kind of deals . laughter stephen i imagine so. Why . Well, i dont want it to lead back to me. You know, snitches get stitches, stephen. But i could use a little extra scratch. Im thinking about remodeling the kitchen. I need a really big backsplash. Stephen so why dont you just go grab him, then . I keep trying. The guys really slippery hes covered in olive oil stephen well, good luck, lord. Good luck with that. Hey, did you see trump in mexico . He looked really president ial. Stephen not you, too. Just saying. Scary stuff. Could be a sign of the end times. Stephen god, everybody give it up. You know what . Stick around. Weve got a great show tonight. Christian slater will be here. And when we return, i will stand up for the National Anthem. Well be right back. cheers and applause coming up on look famous people we catch flo, the progressive girl, at the supermarket buying cheese. Scandal alert flo likes dairy . woman busted [ laughter ] right afterwards we caught her riding shotgun with a mystery man. Oh, yeah [ indistinct shouting ] is this your chauffeur . What . no, i was just showing him how easy it is to save with snapshot from progressive. 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Mother cool. band playing cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody. Give it up for our friend jon batiste and stay human, everybody. cheers and applause jon yeah, baby stephen is trump president yet . Because i saw him meeting with a foreign leader earlier. He looked really president ial . Hes not . I can imagine him throwing out the first pitch. All the important president stuff. Speaking of, which lets talk about baseball for a second. Thats called a segue. It was an incredible play i saw in cleveland. Lets take a look. A line drive from Zach Mcallister from the indians, kicks it over his shoulder and catches it. Unbelievable theres still a team called the indians . If baseball is going to be this exciting, we may have to find Something Else to think about during sex. Of course, the big story in sports continues to be quarterback Colin Kapernick and his refusal to stand during the National Anthem. He says he is not going to stand up to show pride in a flag for a country that oppresses black people and people of color. A bold stance. Or, technically, a bold sits. The 49ers are playing their last preseason Game Tomorrow Night in san diego, and all eyes will be on kapernick because anything is more interesting than watching a preseason game. laughter now, kapernicks protest has caused a firestorm of controversy. A lot of people are upset with him, including, well, you know who. I think its a terrible thing and, you know, maybe he should find a country that works better for him stephen well said. If a country doesnt work for you, find one that does. Thats why trumps factories are all located in china. cheers and applause now, i want to be clear now, i want to be clear. I, Stephen Colbert, love the National Anthem. I stand up when i hear it. I know the harmony. Its easily in my top three songs about ramparts. I also love america. And one of the things i love about america is everyone has the right to protest things theyre upset about, including protesting other peoples protests. Thats all covered in the secret map on the back of the constitution, also on the front, in the words. So, constitutionally, kapernick protesting and people being upset with him is a winwin two words the 49ers will not be hearing a lot this season. laughter applause but this controversy has made me wonder how the National Anthem and sporting events got connected in the first place. Well, interesting story. Turns out, it goes back to a very strange time in American History when the cubs were in the world series. It was 1918. World war i was just ending, and the cubs were opening the series at home against babe ruth and the red sox. They expected a raucous crowd, but instead, the papers reported that the game was perhaps the quietest on record. It was so quiet, you could hear babe ruth thinking about alcohol. However, there was one moment when the crowd came alive the seventhinning stretch, when the musicians fired up the starspangled banner. Thats right, the starspangled banner was the original jock jam. laughter its hard to understand now, but at the time, the most popular form of entertainment was finding out which of your cousins had spanish flu. Now, the cubs realized instantly they had a hit. And for the next two games, they had the band play the starspangled banner to enthusiastic crowds. And the crowds went up from 19,000 to 27,000. They played the anthem at every game, and the cubs continued it to lose. Traditions that have continued to this day. The story proves that playing the National Anthem at games is the most american thing of all marketing. So maybe its not that offensive to sit it out. Or if it is offensive, it should also be offensive not to buy a mattress on president s day. 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Dont start humira if you have an infection. Raise your expectations. Ask your gastroenterologist about humira. With humira, control is possible. Just how wet and sticky your current gel antiperspirant is. Now were going to show you how degree dry spray is different. Degree dry spray. Degree. It wont let you down. Craso come dive into disheser like the new alaska bairdi crab dinner with sweet crab from the icy waters of alaska. Or try crab lovers dream with tender snow and king crab legs. Love crab . Then hurry, crabfest ends soon. band playing cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody. My first guest tonight has been a star of stage and screen since he was eight years old. He now stars in a critically acclaimed drama that will mess with your head. Heres what were going to do. Okay, okay. Lets all take a beat. Settle down here, relax elliot . Elliot, you all right . Stephen whoa please welcome christian slater. applause give it up cheers and applause stephen i want to thanks for coming back. All the way from the 80s. Stephen yeah, exactly. Here we go. Stephen i want to talk about the the show in just a minute, but im not totally caught up. No problem. Stephen so, please, i beg you. Totally forgiven. Stephen happying about the. Thanks, august 18. Thank you, thank you. Stephen do you like do you like celebrating your birthday . Do you make a big deal out of it . I dont mind it. I didnt make a big deal out of it but i had a nice party in chicago with some friends they met when i was working in chicago, actually, a couple of years ago. Dick wolf has got about four different shows about chicago. Chicago med, chicago p. D. , chicago fire, chicago fed, chicago law. Stephen all the shows make it look like chicago is going to burn down tomorrow. Chicago is incredible, but there are a lot of actors there and a lot of friend i met when i was there so we all got together and had a nice not your favorite birthday but a good one. Not my favorite birthday but a good one. Probably if i had to choose my particular favorite birthday it was my 12th birthday. That was the big celebration. Thats the one that really stands out in my brain. Stephen why was it so much better . I hit puberty later, a little bit later, but this birthday was particularly great because, well, the surprise guest at the party my mother was always doing stuff like this because she knew pretty much everybody in show business. She was a casting director so she knew a lot of actors and people like that, so there were always different people showing up at these wonderful parties i had as a kid. And one this year at 12 was mark hamill. applause yeah, yeah. Stephen id be excited if he showed up at my birthday now. Yeah, i know. Stephen thats a perfect age for mark hamill to show up at your birthday. It was right around the time of the Empire Strikes back. You can imagine, i was beyond belief star struck. I couldnt speak to him. Stephen its all downhill from there. Well yeah, youre right. It is. laughter applause man. Yeah, no, she set the bar very, very high. But, honestly, those people in chicago were great. I love them, too. They were all good. They were good. Theyre not luke skywalker, but, you know, they did do very well. Stephen you were acting at that point. I was. I had done a few shows. Stephen at eight you were on broadway. I did the music man, with Dick Van Dyke gary indiana gary indiana i had the lisp and i would sing it but my wife would kill me. She would. Every time i attempt or threaten to sing that song shes like, youre a dead man. Shes backstage, so im not measing around. laughter . Stephen do you still do live theater . I know you performed in the west end in london, too. Yeah, i did one flew over cuckoos nest a couple of years ago in the west end. It was phenomenal. Listen, it was great. First of all, that show is amazing, and it was like a rock concert every night. I dont know. The audiences were nuts, and we all had a great time. Stephen well, you spent most of your career in front of cameras, as opposed to live on stage, right . Sure, well, i grew up in new york. I grew up going to a lot of theater. And i had started very young in the theater. But doing something in london was unique and fun, and that particular show was great because well, i kept threatening the audience every night that i would stage dive on the last performance. And how do you threaten the audience with that . I dont understand. The buildup every night, as we were getting closer and closer to the end of the run of show, i would, you know, in order to get people to come back, its a fun thing to do, you know. Stephen one of these nights im just going to take a dive in the front row . That could happen tonight. I could dive out there. cheers and applause you see . Stephen sure. Its a phenomenal i recommend it highly. Stephen okay, all right. You first. All right, lets go. Lets do it. cheers and applause stephen well get there. Well get there. Well get there. We have all night. We do, we have all night. Stephen you, me, congressman lewis, well all go out there. Sounds great. Stephen did you end up doing it . I did the last night a british audience . I thought they were so reserved. I was surprised. During intermission, they would all hit the pubs and came back and they were ready to party. It was incredible. I did it. And it was right at the curtain call. And stood there on the edge, and i said, im coming im coming and i dove out there and they caught me and carried me around and brought me back to the stage and i did my curtain call and said, sayonara. Stephen thats thats how they say gone over there. Thats right. applause stephen as a young actor growing up did you model yourself on anybody . Was there a role model for you when you were coming up. Did you say, i want to be like that guy . Or that guy gave me advice. There was one guy in particular i loved, sean connery. Stephen i heard of him. The greatest guy ever. I wonder with him when i was about 16 15, 16 years old. And, yeah, he gave me some great advice. Stephen what were you working on . We were doing a movie called the name of the rose. Stephen oh, sure, you, f. Murray abraham, sean connery. All set in this labyrinth, a 13th century murder mystery. We were wearing these monk robes and shooting out in germany and italy. And i had a particularly important scene to do on one particular day, and i just remember walking through these cloisters of this monastery with sean connery, and he was wearing a robe, and i was wearing a robe. And he said, so, you know, i understand today you have a pretty big scene. And i said, yeah, yeah, im a little nervous about it. It was a love scene i had to do. Stephen sexy . Yeah, it was a very intense scene. It was me and this young peasant girl, and we were laughter . Stephen at 16, at 16, theyre all pretty intense. It was intense, yeah. Stephen yeah. Yeah, my toes are curling right now thinking about it. It was crazy. These are great shoes, by the way. Arent they . applause yeah. I just noticed that on the thing. Yeah. All right, anyway, back to the story. Yeah, so sean just said to me, yes, i understand that youre nervous, but just remember to breathe, my boy. laughter . Stephen really . Yeah, and i went in there that was his advice . That was his advice. Stephen im going to try that next time. Always remember to breathe. Stephen so give these people a little crowd surf . All right. cheers and applause stephen hold on. Look at this. Stephen mr. Robot airs wednesdays on the usa network. Christian slater, everybody well be right back with chris geere. applause take on any road with intuitive allwheel drive. The nissan rogue, murano and pathfinder. Now get 0 apr for 72 months, plus 500 bonus cash. cause he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good and it feels so good oh yeah and it feels so good i wiso youll notice every little thing. When you notice dry skin, try johnsons new extra moisturizing wash and cream. A rich nourishing bath routine. With ten times more moisturizer. So you can notice other things mom, like how much i love you. Hey there. Hi, im looking for a deal on an iphone. I was thinking, something along these lines. Oh, okay. Well, how about this . Heres my answer. Is this you with a dinosaur body . Its just me with happy hands. It just means ill take it. Right now, buy an iphone and get another one free when you add a second line. band playing cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody. Im all recovered and tucked back in from my crowd suffering. If youve never done it, it was a lot of fun. I hope everybody is okay and i didnt clock anybody in the head with my shoes. But its really intimate because theyre feeling all parts of your body in the most innocent possible way but youre like, i dont think my wifes ever touched me there. That was thank you very much for all of that. The checks in the mail. applause my next guest stars in the antiromantic comedy youre the worst, on fxx. Please welcome chris geere. applause cheers and applause wow stephen thanks very much. Not every guest comes on and gets funcy with the band when they cross by. Hello, everyone. Stephen very nice people. You saw us crowd surfing. I kind of want to have a go now. Stephen well get there. I get there. Are you ready to be innocently groped . Yeah, i know. Did they really . I imagine people out there going, oh, no. Stephen i didnt feel any hesitancy at all. Yeah stephen it was like we were all at theater camp together. It was fantastic. Speaking of which, you have been an actor since you were a kid, right . Yeah, pretty much. I mean, i could have gone to university to do Graphic Design or i could have gone to drama school. So i chose the job that wasnt very secure and became an actor. Stephen thats like being a daredevil choosing to be an actor. Proper job or not a proper job. Yeah. I went to drama school for three years, very lucky, moved on to the Royal Shakespeare company for a year. Stephen what did you get to do with the Shakespeare Company . That was great. Stephen thats classy. Right. Stephen thats super classy. I was doing alls well that ends well with judi dench. It was an incredible play and we got to perform at the swan theater and at the west end, and i was spear holder. applause that was actually the the name, spear holder. That was the thing. You know theres that joke second spear holder from the left. Well, there were four spear holders and i was second from the left. So im holding on to that. I would mix it up every night, kind of put the spear in the different hand. Stephen to explore the character. To explore the character. And i had one line. Stephen you had a line . Whats the line . The lord calls for you. Remember, you have 175 shows, so theres only so many ways you can say, my lord called for you. And other days, my lord called for you stephen my lord calls for you. The other actors were like, what is he doing . It was wonderful. I used to sit in the wings and jawch judi dench and see how incredibly focused and incredible she was, every single show and the audience loved her. Shes still a great friend now. I feel very lucky thats the i started. Stephen one of my first professional jobs was a spear holder, too, in antony and clepat rat. Youre a fellow spear carrier . Stephen a fellow spear carrier. How art thou. Stephen it was in antony and cleopatra. I didnt have a line. I was one of the guys who came in when antony stabbed himself let us bear his body forth, but i didnt get to say that line. And the armor they gave me was too big and it actually hit me midthigh, and we had to hope the curtain fell before i knelt all the way down or else it would hit my thigh and turtle up over my head. It happened once. I got all the way down, and i completely disappeared. Well, the show is called youre the worst. Are you the worst . Because its sort of a romantic comedy. Its a romantic comdierk but i think it changes daily. These are four very damaged individuals, and we explore the reasons why theyre damaged. And its a fantastic comedy thats very, very its a real love story these days. Its very hard to find love in this current climate. And we really explore the difference between dating online and being present with the friends that youre in. Stephen and how hard it is to express that you love somebody. Yes, and its really hard for these people. Stephen we have a clip to show you have a clip and were going to play it. Thats how it works. Drink whoa i am hammered are you hammered . Youre the best. Im so glad youre my boyfriend. Look, i know we werent going to say it, but screw it. I love you, jimmy. I love you. I knew it psyche, nice try, dummy. Ive had five shots. I could fly a plane after five shots. laughter applause hes so mean stephen do you want to find some love right now . Yeah. Stephen lets go surf. Come on. Yes stephen catch the new season of youre the worst on fx. Chris geere, everybody. Well be right back with congressman john lewis. Lets go come on i tried hard to quit smoking. But when we brought our daughter home, that was it. Now i have nicoderm cq. The nicoderm cq patch with unique extended release Technology Helps prevent your urge to smoke all day. Its the best thing that ever happened to me. Every great why needs a great how. What do advanced care . 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I don know, i read that once. Thats why more people save money by combining their home and auto with state farm. Here to help life go right, state farm. ,, band playing cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody. My next guest tonight is a civil rights legend, a congressman, and now a comic book author. Please welcome congressman john lewis applause good to see you. After you, sir. cheers nice to see you again. Good to see you again. Stephen always good to talk to you and find out the latest things youre thinking about. The first thing i want to ask you. About is earlier this year you led a sitin on the floor of the house of representatives. Representatives. cheers and applause tell me what tell me what the the goal of that sitin was, and whether you think you had some success there. Well, the goal of the sitin was trying to find a way to dramatize to our colleagues in the congress that we need to do something about gun violence. cheers and applause sometimes, you have to find a way to get in the way or get in trouble, good trouble, necessary trouble. Stephen now, that is actually something you were talking about at the time, it was the hashtag associated with the sitin, which was after the tragic shootings in orlando. Was good trouble. What do you mean good trouble . When i was growing up in rural alabama as a young child, and we would visit places like troy and montgomery, and i would see those signs that said, white men, colored men, white women, colored women, i asked my mother, my father, and grandparent, they would say, thats the way it is. Dont get in the way. Dont get in trouble. But i heard rosa parks, a heard Martin Luther king jr. I met rosa parks in 1957 when i was 17. In 1958, i met dr. King, and these two individuals inspired me to get in trouble, and ive been getting in good trouble, necessary trouble ever since. cheers and applause well, one of did you all, after what protest, did you all end up getting a vote to the floor . We didnt get a vote to the floor. But we helped educate and inspire hundreds and thousands and millions of people around this nation. They want us to do something. More than 90 or 95 of the American People are saying pass legislation to stop the killing. We have lost too many of our children, too many of our sisters and brothers, too many of our mothers and fathers. Weve got to stop the killing. cheers and applause stephen well, now as i said, youre a civil rights leader from the 1950s, up till now, and now you have a threevolume set called march, which is a graphic novel or a graphic retelling of the march on the Edmund Pettis privilege, and the ramifications of that action. Why make this a graphic why tell this history through pictures like this . Well, it is important. It is a must that people understand young children, young children, those are the three, four, five, and six, those in middle school, those in high school, in college, and also adults to understand what happened and how it happened. In 1963, when i was 23 years old, i moved from nashville to atlanta, and would attend dr. Martin luther king jr. s fathers church, and sometimes the father would be sitting in the audience, and his son would be preaching. And the father would say, make it plain. Make it clear. Make it real. So when you use graphics and make it plain and make it real, and the young audience, nate paul, he has the ability to make the words jump off the pages and sing and dance. Stephen did you have anything like this when you were a child . Was there anything that inspired you . Was it made plain for you . There was a comic book, Martin Luther king and the montgomery story. Stephen i think one of my researchers might have found a copy of that. Right there. applause 10 cents. Youre right. It sold for 10 cent, 16 pages, cover to cover. And that little book became like a road map. It became the way in and the way out. And its our hope that march, these books, will become a road map for another generation. So hundreds and hundreds of School Children all across america and adults, teachers are teaching it in more than 40 states. Stephen for those of you, people out there who dont know the history or perhaps didnt see the film, the celebrated film from last year, heres a picture of the actual action on the Edmund Pettis bridge, and that is you right there being beaten by the police as you tried to cross the bridge. What what were you thinking as you walked the bridge . Did you expect this to happen . On the bridge, 600 of us tried to march from selma to mont dpomry. I thought we were going to be arrested and jailed. I didnt have any idea that we would be beaten. But i thought i was going to down the bridge. I hawt i saw death. And some force, maybe god almighty kept me here to continue to push and pull, to continue to find a way to get in good trouble. I truly believe when you see something that is not right, not fair, not just, you have to do something. Stephen what do you think do you think that spirit is being carried on. cheers and applause where do you see that spirit being carried on today in civil rights struggles . For instance, what do you think about what Colin Kapernick has done . He has caused trouble, certainly, for himself by not standing up for the National Anthem. What do you think about what hes done and peoples response to it . Well, you have a right to protest. Its protected by our constitution. You have a right to dissent. Dr. King said you have a right to protest of what is right . So this young man, this Football Player is acting according to the dictates of his conscience. And we should support him. applause stephen theres its an incredible series of books. Thank you for making this. Theres only one thing that i wish was in here, but they didnt have a chance to draw a panel for it, and thats you on my show right now talking about it. Its a big part of the story. Well, maybe in the next book. Stephen well, weve already done it for you. Weve already my Graphics Department put this together. This is one panel, people could download this. Can we put this up on the the web site . People can download this and paste it up on the back of the book if they want. This is you on my show. Ive got a captain america shield, and youve got the Infinity Gauntlet right there. And use it to remake the world. Thank you. Stephen congressman, thank you so much. Do you want to crowd surf . Yes. Stephen jump into the crowd with me . Yes. Stephen lets do it. Ready to get over the people . Jump on top . Down by the riverside down by the the,, down by the riverside narrator it wasnt that long ago. Years of devastating cutbacks to our schools. 30,000 teachers laid off. Class sizes increased. Art and music programs cut. We cant ever go back. Ryan ruelas so vote yes on proposition 55. Reagan duncan prop 55 prevents 4 billion in new cuts to our schools. Letty munozgonzalez simply by maintaining the current tax rate on the wealthiest californians. Ryan ruelas no new education cuts, and no new taxes. Reagan duncan vote yes on 55. Sarah morgan to help our children thrive. Late show, everybody tune in tomorrow when my guests will be larry wilmore, chris noth, and musical guest sampha. Now please enjoy james corden and his guests, kevin bacon and sarah hyland. Good night captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready to have some fun feel the love tonight where did you come from. The late, late show. Ladies and gentlemen, all the