And now, from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colber captioning sponsored by cbs cheers and applause stephen nice to see you. cheers and applause how are you . cheers and applause thanks, everybody. Thanks down here. Thats a fantastic. What a lovely crowd. You can tell a friday crowd when you hear one. Theres no you cant you cannot fake that. Jon right, yeah. Stephen you know thatsed friday. Welcome to the late show. Im Stephen Colbert. Your host this friday. Folks, its friday. applause its friday its friday oh its friday stephen i dont know what song youre dancing to but i like it. Now, i have a quick word of warning before we get started tonight. Tonights monologue was created in a factory that also processes peanuts. And its important to say in case anyone has an allergy. Especially now, because mylan, the company that produces these epipens right here anybody use one of these . They have jacked up the price of these pens from less than 100 for a pair, to over 600 bucks. Yeah, that price is enough to send you into shock, but dont do it because you cant afford the pen anymore. Now, Mylan Pharmaceuticals claims the price, has changed over time to better reflect the value the product provides. laughter now, to be clear, that value is saving the lives of people who cant breathe. Or as mylan likes to call them, gasping, cashfilled meat sacks. laughter now all of this, you know, hiking up of medicine, reminds a lot of people of a guy named martin shkreli, the pharmabro who jacked up the cost of h. I. V. Drugs by 5,000 . Can we put up a picture of skhreli . That was a close one. Im severely allergic to douche. cheers and applause and when asked about mylan, shkreli certainly had something to shkrell about it. These are lifesaving drugs. People dont have a choice whether they can buy them or not. Yeah, well, thats up to insurance to pay for them. Like i said, its 300 a pen. 300. My iphone is 700, ok . But you dont need an iphone to exist. Yeah, that doesnt matter though, because its 300 and 90 of americans are insured. Stephen okay, ive got two problems with that his total heartlessness, and her assertion that it is possible to exist without an iphone. So does she have a galaxy . I dont understand. Well, after starting a firestorm, yesterday, mylans c. E. O. , heather bresch, came forward to address the criticism. Heather, surely you must understand the outrage. The American Medical Association has said this is basically the same product it was in 2009, and yet the price has gone up 300 or 400fold. So, look, no ones more frustrated than me. laughter stephen shes frustrated i mean, the tonedeafness of that just takes your breath away. And getting your breath back will cost you over 600 bucks. cheers and applause now, in other news cheers and applause in other news, the f. B. I. Is investigating whether russian intelligence agencies have hacked the computers at the new york times. Or, as the times reported it, putin named worlds sexiest leader. laughter oh, heres a new occupational hazard to worry about now if you play the bagpipes and who amongst us has not dabbled watch out that you dont get what doctors are calling bagpipe lung. Thats when the mold and fungi lurking inside your bagpipe trigger coughing, shortness of breath, and even fever. I mean physical fever, not bagpipe fever. Which we all have. This is according to an article in a medical journal called and this is true thorax. Im a subscriber. I keep it on my coffee table between the latest issue of ant head and wasp abdomen. laughter bagpipe lung took a while for that to sink in . Took a while to remember your eighth grade biology class . All right. Footnotes for everybody. Whats going on here, bagpipe lung can be tricky to diagnose. Its hard to distinguish a hacking cough from just a scottish accent. Och, lets go to loch lomond and eat some potted hough. cheers and applause more scottish this week in other news yes, there is other news other than bagpipe lung. This week, mcdonalds recalled millions of fitness bands because they contain Dangerous Levels of irony. laughter applause its in the happy meal. In the happy meal. Ill wait. Ill wait. applause mcdonalds recalled the wristbands after they left people with burns and blisters which, technically, is the job of their apple pie filling. Any lord of the rings fans out there . cheers and applause me, too. Well, a story just came out about napster billionaire sean parkers lord of the rings themed wedding back in 2013. Heres what happened. Sir ian mckellen has revealed that he turned down 1. 5 million to officiate the wedding as gandalf, saying, i am sorry, gandalf doesnt do weddings. Damn right gandalf doesnt have time to marry you, sean parker he is the servant of the secret fire, wielder of the flame of anor. He killed the mothertruckin balrog, after chasing the ancient immortal demon through the tunnels of khazad dum until they climbed the peak of zirakzigil where he smote the demons ruin on the mountain side. cheers and applause yeah no, im mad im angry now and you know did you know, gandalf himself died and then returned from the dead as gandalf the white. And why . So he can marry the napster guy . no napster hasnt been a thing since the earindel flew vingilot to valinor. If you invite gandalf to do the wedding besides, listen, if you invite gandalf, gollums going to want to be the ring bearer and somebodys losing a finger. laughter now say hello to the fellowship of jon batiste and stay human stephen my, my. applause cheers fantastic. Fantastic. I am so excited its friday. Jon, do you have any plans this weekend . Jon oh, wow, this weekend stephen did you stump you . Did i stump you . Jon yeah, i did. I didnt realize we werent done with the show yet. Im in show mode. Stephen and show mode, you dont know what youre doing later . Jon show mode i dont know nothing. I just know bumper. Then bump in. Then guest. Walkon. Bumpout. Good night. Go home. laughter applause stephen thats a good description of the show. Jon im not thinking about the weekend yet. Stephen thats what it actually says in the little Digital Guide on your cable. Bump in, bump out, guest walks in, go home. Jon no, no, guest walks out, good night, go home. Stephen all right, ive got a lot to learn, evidently. You know, as the host of a talk show, i wield unlimited power. For instance, any time i want, i can remind you of the cool, refreshing taste of bud light. But you know what . I would never do that. Because thats an abuse of me power. Weekend is starting soon. And yet, there are those even more powerful than i. Historys most despotic leaders. People like genghis khan, kim jong il, and spike lee. Oh, do not cross him, or he will sentence you to play for the knicks. These merciless tyrants have but two things in common, and one of them is a big furry hat cheers and applause cheers and applause stephen now that this hat is upon mine head, i am endowed with unquestionable power this is due to my hats two main attributes its bigness, and its furriness. Any proclamations i make whilst thusly enhattened are now and forever law. Let us begin. cheers and applause henceforth, whenever i order a side of fruit with my omelette, the waitress shall accidentally bring me hashbrowns. laughter cheers and applause from this day on, Actor Paul Rudd must begin aging like the rest of us. laughter cheers and applause i hereby decree, anyone who says, it is what it is, will be hit with it and not told what it was. laughter cheers and applause anyone who brags about his or her standing desk shall be forced to use a standing toilet. laughter applause i declare that any child who kicks the airplane seat in front of them may be used as a flotation device. laughter cheers and applause let it be written that if a neighbor asks you to pick up their mail, you are allowed to open it first. laughter by the way, grandpa batiste, thank you for the 25. laughter ill be sure ill be sure jon gets it. Every fifth popsicle stick must have an adult joke. 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Hurry in for a 1,000 volkswagen reward card and a five hundred dollar labor day bonus when you buy or lease a new 2016 jetta. applause stephen welcome back, everybody. My first guest tonight is an oscarwinning actress you know from movies like the Constant Gardener, the mummy, and the lobster. She now stars in the new movie, complete unknown. Please welcome, rachel weisz hello good evening. One kiss. applause stephen just now i gave you one kiss or you gave me one kiss and you said, one kiss. Yes. Stephen is that because two was an option . I was told that if i was going to give you two, i should let you know in advance, but i didnt have time to. Stephen somebody backstage actually said, warn him if you kiss him twice . Yes, because im such a good girl. I was like, im not going to screw things up on Stephen Colbert, im going to do one kiss. I thought if i gave two, it might throw you off. Stephen lets find out. One two. Stephen thats three. Thats three. cheers and applause three. You dont have any lipstick. No lipstick. Stephen okay. The results are in. And it threw me off. Because im a huge fan of yours. Your performance in the Constant Gardener obviously you won the oscar for that, but as i told your husband when he was was here, daniel craig, it was one of the most beautiful, subtle, nuanced performance i have ever seen. Thank you, my goodness me, thank you so much. Stephen thank you, thank you. And now your new film is called, let me get this right, complete unknown. Yes. Stephen and you play a woman who actually has multiple identities. Yes. Stephen who is the character and why is she doing this . She is an impostor. She has a pathological need to become people for many years. So, she will, for five or six years, change her name, her Social Security number, her profession, fake diplomas, fake college degrees, and say, im a nurse and have these diplomas, and go live in a new city, with a new name, with a new sartorial look. Stephen is she running from the police . Why is she doing this . No, shes not. Shes just pathologically unwell. laughter well, i mean, to point out the obvious, youre an actress, and you do that professionally. laughter is there anything aahhh stephen is there i mean i hear you. Stephen its an obvious question, obviously, but is there anything about your love of acting, inhabiting other peoples personas, that is pathological, you think . Its really i hear what youre saying but its really different being an actor. Yeah, because i go home every day to my family and my my real life. And when ive been on the stage or ive been on the set making a movie, Everybody Knows they have to make up lies, right . Theres a contract. Stephen right, right. Were liemaking together. Whereas this woman in the film is just doing it on her own. Shes writing her own script. Shes making her own movies. Stephen and how many different identities do we see . Nine. Stephen is this like cybil or something, where there are different accents . My character does not have different accents, though. She just has she stays in america, yeah. Stephen okay. Shes american. Stephen shes american. Like me yeah, shes american. Stephen are you american . No. Stephen i dont know, because sometimes people are born here and move over to england and get the speech impediment, but they come back laughter they cant break it. They cant break it. They cant break it. You said earlier that, like, i you said, we were lying together. As actors, actors lying together. Are you a good liar . No. Stephen really . Im terrible. Stephen thats what a good liar would say. You got me there is there did stephen did you lie as a child . Did you make up stories and stuff like that . Yeah, but in my head, on my own. I didnt, like, spread them. Spread the lies. Are you into lies . Stephen i loved it. I loved lying. Did you. Stephen i loved the idea. I would lie to anybody on a plane. I would lie what my occupation is, what i do. What did you say . You cant do it anymore because youre very recognizable. Stephen no, i cant anymore. What a shame. Stephen it was a lot of fun. Like what . Stephen if it was a young guy on the plane, what do you do for a living . I run a security firm. We just do modeling shoots. We just make sure the young, beautiful models can get from place to place. And theyre like, thats the greatest job in the world yeah, its pretty cool. Its how i met my wife. How i met my wife, yeah. applause i said we have to take a little break here. You can stick around . You aroused envy. Stephen i aroused envy . Thats not all i aroused. Well be right back with more rachel weisz. Get to kohls now for great savings on all the denim your kids want get every shade of blue and even polkadots too plus yes2you rewards members earn 1 point for every dollar spent. Get a 5 reward for every 100 points now thats the good stuff. Kohls. Sorry. Sorry. Regerts . Sorry, i was eating a milky way. The ford freedom sales event is on our biggest event of the year just got better announcing zero for seventytwo across the entire lineup of ford cars, trucks and suvs. Plus, tagged vehicles now get a thousand smart bonus. Thats freedom from interest. And freedom to choose with ford. Americas best selling brand. Now get 0 financing for 72 months across the entire ford lineup, plus specially tagged vehicles get a thousand smart bonus. After 15 years pretending to be someone else, i infiltrate his dinner with another name. Stephen were back with rachel weisz. And in the film, complete unknown that we were talking about before the break, also in the film is michael shannon, who plays a man who is well, hes hip to your game. Yeah, he knew me 15 years ago when i was somebody before i started reinventing myself. Stephen is the person he knew, the real you . Yes. Stephen wow. Yes. And i show up at his dinner party, at his Birthday Party with another name. And i say, hi, im jenny. And hes like, what . Stephen and he says the following. Jim . You know they used to lock the building on sundays to make us stop practicing and get out of those tiny piano studios. I didnt know what to do with myself. I went across town, and i remember seeing the list of all the different departments you guys had. I mean, you could study anything. You looked at me so differently when i told you the truth about i was impressed. I liked who you were. Stephen is he applause does he can he accept that youve done all this in the 15 years since youve seen him . Yes. And he, by the end of the night it all takes place in 24 hours, the main part of the movie hes kind of jealous, and he sort of toys with the hes jealous. He kind of feels like this would be kind of a cool thing to do. Stephen because you can become anything you want. It starts by being crazy to him, and then it becomes appealing. Stephen again, like an actress. It seems a crazy thing to do, but then if someone is good at it, its very attractive. Thank you. applause stephen youre also doing very attractive. Youre going to be on broadway again . No, downtown new york at the public theater. Stephen oh, the public theater. Sure, what are you doing there . Doing a play called plenty. Stephen david hair. Yes, and he wrote the screen play for denial. Stephen denial. Thats very nice. You performed in the west end in london, right . Yes. Stephen and you performed in america. Whats the difference between the audiences . With the lights off, can you tell the audience the differences between the audiences . Yes. laughter stephen are you willing to share what the difference is . Yes. laughter its an audio thing. I mean, you can hear it with the lights off. So, number one, a very simple thing in america, when people have reached a certain kind of celebrity come on the stage such as yourself. Possibly even in the middle of a scene, walk on, the audience claps. Its called troving. Stephen you come in and say, i caught you cheating, or whatever. And the audience goes, whoa thats rachel weisz. Youve seen plays on broadway. Stephen sure. Youre on broadway right now. In england that doesnt happen. Stephen they dont give it up for stars . Never, ever. Stephen they make you earn it every time. They make you wait until the end. Stephen well let you know if its good at the end. Which one do you prefer . Im just more used to the british one because i lived there longer. And sometimes american audiences can be more vocal about how theyre feeling about the play. laughter its true. Stephen youre doing a great job yeah, or the reverse. Stephen you suck well, i did a play in 2002, i think it was, and it was uptown at the promenade theater. It was the first time i did a play here and i was playing a character who was not nice at all. And oftentimes, they would be you know, it sounded like more older ladies from uptown, from the upper west side. I would hear them say to their friends during the play, oh, shes such a bitch. Really stephen wow. Hopefully you get the same with the public theater. Good luck. It was lovely to meet you finally. Nice to meet you. Stephen rachel weisz, everybody. Complete unknown is in theaters now. With my moderate to severe ulcerative colitis, the possibility of a flare was almost always on my mind. Thinking about what to avoid, where to go. And how to deal with my uc. To me, that was normal. Until i talked to my doctor. She told me that humira helps people like me get uc under control and keep it under control when certain medications havent worked well enough. Humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. Serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened; as have blood, liver, and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. Before treatment, get tested for tb. Tell your doctor if youve been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if youve had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flulike symptoms or sores. Dont start humira if you have an infection. Raise your expectations. Ask your gastroenterologist about humira. With humira, control is possible. Hey there. Hi, im looking for a deal on an iphone. I was thinking, something along these lines. Oh, okay. Well, how about this . Heres my answer. Is this you with a dinosaur body . Its just me with happy hands. It just means ill take it. Right now, buy an iphone and get another one free when you add a second line. Choose from a mouthwateringe new varietyred grill menu. Seared to juicy perfection over split american oak. Like savory woodfire grilled chicken with two sides for just 9. 99. The new wood fired grill. Only at applebees stephen hey, everybody. My next guest is a cult movie machine. Hes been writing and directing films like clerks, mallrats, and dogma for over 20 years. Please welcome kevin smith band playing cheers and applause stephen thanks for the double hug. It was on both sides. Can i share, before we go any further, this is this is such a huge night for me because i this is going to sound weird but i wake up to you every morning. Youre the first face i see when i wake up. cheers because my wife sleeps in so i wake up usually by myself. Everyone sleeps in. So i wake up and get stoned. The first thing i do is watch your show from the night before. Im like, preach, preach. So every morning every morning, i sit there and kind of wake in bed with you. So i watch the show. Im a religious fan of the show. This is, like i dont like doing talk shows because i hate sitting down. I love talking, obviously, but i hate doing talk shows because you have to sit down. I look like jabba the hutt when i sit down. So i got like yeah, give me a pillow to put right over this. Oh, sorry. laughter so i got two talk shows on a. M. C. , both shows are designed so i never have to sit down. Im always standing. So i never like to do talk shows because i have to sit, and its when i look my worst and im at my weakest. But i love the show so much im like, im going. I dont care how fat i look. So im here. cheers but, but what was really weird laughter what was really weird is ive been watching the show backstage. And so, kind of like a pavlovian response, when i see you on tv im like, i gotta smoke weed. And i couldnt do it because were here. So theres no point to that story. I was just saying. Its kind of weird. But its so weird. And i can share thing that happened with us backstage before it happened. Let me tell you what happened real quick, man. This is huge. laughter applause this is absolutely huge for me. I was backstage, and i was laying down. I was taking a nap before i came out, and all of a sudden the door opens and stephen comes in, and he starts busting lines from this is where you get to talk he starts busting lines from a man for all seasons, one of my favorite movies in the world. Do what you did for me do it stephen when a man takes an oath he holds himself in his hands like so much water. And if he should home in his fingers in that moment he should lose all hope of ever finding himself again, some men are incapable of this. I am loathe to think that your father is one of them. Oh, my god, if you like that movie, thats, like, pornography, man. cheers and applause yes stephen and then you said wasnt that good . Hes such an actor. Hes saying this, and i had the same reaction. Im getting turgid. It was a huge moment for me. laughter so so i turned to him and i busted he busted a line so i busted a line. I was like, richard, it i was like, richard, it profits a man nothing to give his soul for the whole world, but for wales. And we did it like that. Stephen well, you brought your phone out here. Whats the deal . You brought your phone out here . I want to share a text with you i wrote with my kid. Stephen your film is called . Oh, yeah, yoga hosers. This movie i have coming out september 2, called yoga hosers. Also in theaters august 30. Stephen its a comedy action . Kind of. Stephen theres action in it. I like to describe it as this. Two girls fight monsters come up out of the earth. I like to say its like clueless meets gremlins. And people have seen the movie and they say hey, man, gremlins is good. So, okay, its like clueless meets critters. And some people are like critters is good. So, okay, and then its like clueless meets puppet masters nine. And they were like, thats fair. Stephen your daughter is in this. Yes. Stephen and we have a clip here of your daughter and her friend getting in trouble. Jim . Try clicking like on this girls. No phones for the rest of the day what you can get them back at 2 45, after the last bell. Our phones are who we are. If you take away my phone like some sort of pygmalion monaco, who am i going to be . I think im going to pass out. You have a new phone plan now, girls. Unlimited minutes. Unlimited looks to the world around you. And no roaming charges. So go roam without your phones. Here i go. laughter applause stephen now is that your daughter on the right or on the left . The one that passed out. Stephen the one that passed out. Is it hard to direct your daughter . Did they listen . The set is the only place where, you know, you can get away with being, you have to do this or youre fired. I cant do that in real life. So its easier to kind of get things done. But im honestly not very dictatorial. I dont direct, like most critics will tell you thats true. I dont i dont direct like most people do. Like heres the feeling. Its nuanced. Im a monitor director. So we shoot something and i say, come over here and see haw did, and i show them the playback. No actor is going to do better if i say, here, you can do this, or this. An actor wants to look better than anybody else in the world. You show them their take, theyll figure out where they went wrong and go back in. I did that with her same way as with everyone else. Stephen youre 46yearold man, right . I dress like a 12yearold but im a 46yearold man. Stephen is it hard to capture the way teenagers talk now as opposed to when you grew up . No, because i had the girls right there which made it also like i couldnt direct them to act like teenagers. They were teenagers when we made the movie stephen what text did your daughter send you . Wow, were going there. Stephen i just want to make sure you get to it. Its a good story. So, we write back and forth all the time. My texting friend and stuff. This is a Text Exchange we have. I go on the road a lot. Stephen shes going to be cool with you sharing this . I hope so. She made it through yoga hosers. So shell make it through this. So, i tour a lot, i was away for three days and my kid texted me and said, where is in the world are you, father. And i said, atlanta, georgia and it was 4 20, that date, National Holiday for those of us who are the travelers of the green. I said, other im in atlanta, georgia. And she writes, on 4 20 . What if cnn catches you smoking. And i was impressed that a girl in private school knew that atlanta was cnn headquarters. I was like, that private school is paying off she said, when do you come home . I said saturday after the austins show. She said, do you want to go to harry potter world on sunday . They opened one, and i said weve already seen it. You know what its like. And she said, you dont believe in magic, and storms away. She was bugging me about going and stuff, i tried to take the logical approach. I said, isnt it going to be crowded on a sunday . And this when things get weird. We can just buy frontofthe line passes, dumbledick. laughter lest you think thats the way we roll in our house, thats not the thing at all. She must have heard her mom call me that. Stephen true, true . Yeah, my wife once called me we were fooling around it was a sex thing. And it was kind of like the wand chase the wizard sort of thing. laughter applause so, so but but, but there is there is no stay with me. Theres no way on earth the kid knows that context. So i dont want to freak her out and send her to a therapist and stuff. So i say, hey, kiddo, youre not allowed to call me that. Only your mom calls me that. And she doesnt understand at all. Instead she goes, oh, mr. Thin skinned dumbledick, bothered by his nickname. So at this point im like, the gloves are off, man. So i write back, do you know why your mom calls me dumbledick . And she dont even see it coming, man, which makes me rethink that private school education. So she wrote, because youre the head of hogwarts . Hahaha. And i write back, no, kid, its a filthy sex thing, hahaha. laughter applause and she writes back, oh, my god. And i said, yeah, so keep calling dad dumbledick. And she said, i just threw up in my mouth a little. Stephen thats a very sweet story. Thats my kid. Stephen lovely to meet you. Youre awesome. Stephen yoga hosers opens next friday. Kevin smith, everybody. Well be right back. Before taking his team to state for the first time. Gilman go get it, marcus. Go get it. Coach gilman used his cash rewards credit card from bank of america to earn 1 cash back everywhere, every time. At places like the batting cages. [ crowd cheers ] 2 back at Grocery Stores and now at wholesale clubs. And 3 back on gas. Which helped him give his players something extra. 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The Bud Light Party is for everyone. Men bar crowd yeah women bar crowd woo people of all genders we dont care well sell you beer. Well sell you a beer any day of the week. Steel mill workers yeah cheers and applause stephen my next guest was a writer and producer on some shows you might know, called seinfeld and the late show with david letterman. Now, he hosts car matchmaker on the esquire network. Please welcome, Spike Feresten applause stephen come on up. So excited. Stephen all right. To be here. Stephen nice to see you again. Good to see you. Do you remember the last time we saw each other . Stephen the last time you and i saw each other was the dana carvey show. Stephen right, there was a show on abc, the dana carvey show, in 1996. You were a writer on the show. And i was a writer on the show. I shared an office with you and another steve. His name was steve carell. Thats right. Stephen you werent there for the whole thing. I came in to clean up the mess after that first sketch you guys had. Stephen it was only on for seven episode. Six episodes. Stephen no, we were on for seven. We did eight. The eighth one was never broadcast. That was the magic one. Thats what would have saved the show. I think i was in that episode. I had a day job at the time on seinfeld. Stephen you wrote the soup nazi. I wrote the soup nazi. Thats right. cheers and applause thank you, thank you very much. But when the dana carvey i came to write on dana carvey because i loved what you guys were doing. I couldnt believe that was on television. Stephen neither could abc. And i remember the day the show was canceled, i thought, god, there are these two guys, steve carell and Stephen Colbert are the nicest, funniest guys, but theyre going to be squeegeeing windshields out by the lincoln tunnel at the end of this. Stephen it was over. Its over. Their career is done. Stephen they had their shot and it didnt work. I was really worried about you. Stephen seriously . Seriously. Stephen you thought we wouldnt work again . Well, six episodes and out . Yeah. Stephen seven seven, whatever laughter but im so happy to see you here. Stephen it was a fun show. There were amazing people, louis c. K. , you, dana, me, steve carell. Charlie kaufman. Stephen charlie kaufman. Rob harlok from 30 rock, an Amazing Group of people, and it didnt matter. No. Stephen listen, i just want to ask you one question about the soup nazi. Do you mind still talking about that show . Well, you know, what, the idea came in this building so no. Stephen you wrote for dave here. I wrote for dave. I was upstairs when the whole thing happened to me. Stephen so you would go over there so cbs actually owns that idea is what youre saying . Yes, it is their property. Stephen theres a lawyer out there who agrees with us. It was 20 years ago. But we used to go every day to the soup nazi. There was a real soup nazi on 55th and 8th. Stephen he wasnt really a nazi. Thats how i was introduced to him. He was a jerk. He was a misogynist a little bit. You had to order your soup correctly or he would kick you out of the line and say, no soup for you. Stephen have you been back . I went back a year after the episode aired, with Jerry Seinfeld because jerry wanted to meet him. And i had to explain to him, the guy is not excited about meeting you. And he said why . I said, you called him a nazi to the world and he takes offense to that, weirdly. We went back to order soup, jerry and myself and a couple of the writers. And jerry got into the line and people in the line were thrilled this was unfolding in front of them. The soup nazi did a tripletake and then unleashed a string of expletives which i will not repeat here, and took the soup away, no soup for you. It was uncomfortable. He screamed. What he doesnt know is later that day, jerry came back with his girlfriend at the time, sent her out of the town car and got the soup and was able to eat the soup finally. So he beat the soup nazi at his own game. Stephen the new show is called car matchmaker on esquire. Whats the point of show . You know, ive been a car guy for a long time and worked for a couple, letterman, and seinfeld. If youre car guy in the neighborhood you help people find cars so this show is a natural extension of that. Someone comes on the show. I show them three options and they pick one. Stephen did you help someone find the mystery machine . I drove i drove that in the first season. Heres a funny story about that. I drove by a pot dispensary, and a stoner came running out, and he was like, no way, man the mystery machine. Wait here stephen was it kevin smith . It was kevin smith. laughter applause stephen how about this . What is that . Who are you matching to what is that car . Thats a bmw, a little bubble car. Those are very popular in europe. And this is for shaq . No, its a guy who collects microcars. Little cars. Stephen and this is . One of my favorites. Stephen a German Police car. From 1979. I own that car now. Thats my little weekend fun car with my boys. Stephen do you have a favorite car that youve matched somebody with . Geez, i dont know. You mean, that ive showed them . Stephen yeah. Thats every car i hear about from the customers and buyers who come back and say im happy, a year or two later. Stephen what. This one . Jim. This is not going to be good oh, god that is insane whats going on here . Were floating. Thats a good thing. For now oh, i had to put the clutch in. There we go. Yeah, baby i dont like this. The amphicar. Stephen everybody wants that. Thanks so much for being here. Stephen, thanks for having me. Stephen car matchmaker is on wednesdays at 9 00 p. M. On the esquire network. Spike feresten, everybody well be right back. applause ,,,,,,,,,, cheers and applause stephen hey, thats it for the late show, everybody. Tune in next week when i have john krasinski, christian slater, and riz ahmed. Our friend james corden is next. Have a great weekend good night captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready to have some fun feel love tonight dont you worry bout where you come from this is a test its the late, late show reggie ladies and gentlemen, all the way from kuala lumpur,
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