To be here. Man is it hot. This whole country is like a greasedup George Foreman grill and a vikram yoga class. Authorities are urging those in areas where heat is intense to stay indoors, unless you have a chance to catch a wiggly tuft in your neighborhood. Then go out and get it. Its going to be 96 in philadelphia where the Democratic National convention is happening. The theme for the democrats today was, united together. Which really is the best way to be united, together. So much better than being united apart. United together it was not. After the Republican Convention last week dnc was supposed to be the boring one. It was quite the opposite. Every time Hillary Clintons name was mentioned there were boos from Bernie Sanders fans. Some of these people are apparently unaware Bernie Sanders passed away six weeks ago. [ laughter ] even bernie had to ask his supporters to calm down. After a year of telling them not to calm down. Its like chef boyardee telling ravioli, it doesnt work. It was pretty crazy, because usually these conventions are a cheerleading event but Bernie Sanders supporters booed inside the convention and out. Now taking on a level of civil disobedience to block the delegates from coming into this one particular entrance, as you can see, they are laying down in front of the entrance. They are letting police through and the police all right, miguel, thank you so much. Were going to cut you off right now. Were going to cover right now boys 2 men performing on stage. Jimmy thats right. Ill tell you something, nobody interrupts boyz ii men on jake tappers watch. [ cheers and applause ] thats a fact. The outrage that people are getting mad, intensefied after wikileaks released thousands of hacked emails where Democratic NationalCommittee Staffers exchanged ideas how to weaken help the Hillary Clinton campaign. Over 19,000 hacked emails. Maybe the democrats need to stop using email. It might be time to bring Carrier Pigeons back. There are reports russians have hacked the servers, looking at all their information for a year. If russia did do this, i think we start making them villains in our action movies again. Its time for Sylvester Stallone to get back to work. If the intent of this leak was all the turmoil overshadowed what was the big news this weekend, which was Hillary Clintons choice for running mate, virginia senator tim kaine. This is hillary and tim. They are either bumping fists or clinking imaginary mimosas, i dont know. We learned a lot about tim kaine this weekend. For one thing, he speaks speaks spanish, it seems that theyre bragging. But now that hes been chosen, i guess that means neither trump nor hillary are planning to make me their running mate. [ audience aww ] no, bring me my podium, i have something to say about that, thank you. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i do want to speak about this. Have been getting tweets and email. My fellow americans, im well aware that both major candidates have chosen their running mates and i was not selected to be one of them. But it makes no difference and ill tell you why. Because i never went into this to be someones running mate. I got into this race to become Vice President of the united states. And i dont care who they pick. I will never stop running for that office. I will keep running until christmas if i have to. [ cheers and applause ] thats right. And i took offense. Because i have been running for this office since may. Mike pence and tim kaine think they can just stroll in three months before the election and take my spot . Who the hell even are mike pence governor of indiana, governor of virginia . Big deal. Arnold schwarzenegger was governor of california. He cant even speak english, how hard could this job be . Heres the question i would like you to ask yourselves. Are you going to waste your votes on nosense pence and nobrain kaine . [ cheers and applause ] or are you going to double your votes, maybe triple them, and say, gimme jimmy for Vice President . [ cheers and applause ] i dont need a donald trump, i dont need a Hillary Clinton to hold my hand like im a baby who cant wipe himself. I am a strong, fierce, proud, independent africanamerican woman. And i will lead this country into the ocean if need be thank you. God bless america. By the way, donald trump got a crazy endorsement this weekend from president obamas halfbrother malik, malik obama says hes voting for trump. Boy, i tell you. You give one atomic wedgie growing up and they never forget it. Malik has been a democrat all his life but changed Party Affiliations after Michelle Obama made him eat her lentil loaf at the last family dinner. Theres malik wearing a make America Great again hat, supporting if youre wondering who the black guy voti him. Now you know. [ cheers and applause ] the elections been fun to watch. More importantly we have a new episode of the bachelorette tonight. The finale is next week. Tonight jojo narrowed the field down from four identical pretty boys to two. My favorite part of the episode were the periodical reminders that one of the men jojo might want to marry is a former drown. Theres no competition at all. That was robby. Before the season i picked robby and jordan to be in the final two and whos in the final two . Guillermo robby and jordan. Jimmy thank you very much, thats right. [ cheers and applause ] sometimes i like to check to see if youre awake. Guillermo no, im listen to you. Yeah, thank you. Jimmy over the course of the season, its weird, a lot of the guys professed their love for jojo but she cant really profess love back or the shows over. We see her say i love you too, we know whats going on. What do you do when someone says i love you and you dont want to say it back . Heres how jojo handles that. Ive fallen in love with you, jojo. I have. Thank you so much. I am very much in the process of falling for you. Its the best feeling ive ever felt. You make me feel happy. I dont know how to say it. I think im falling in love with you. I know im falling in love with you. Want you to know that. Thank you. Im crazy about you, im in love with you. Im absolutely falling for you. Appreciate that. Im 100 in love with you. Thank you. For telling me that. Jimmy which one of you, again . The other person who has to deliver bad news every week is Chris Harrison. Heres how Chris Harrison gives the heaveho. Gentlemen, im sorry if you did not receive a rose. Take a moment, say your goodbyes. Jimmy so thats how chris normally does it. This season hes been mixing it up, trying new things. I like the new chris a lot. Gentlemen . Youre losers. And you know it. Hit the road. Gentlemen, time to cry in the gentlemen . Its time to go back to whatever weird town you came from. No one cares about you. Get your [ bleep ]. Get the [ bleep ] out of here. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy Chris Harrison, a bottle of rose and watch out. When we come back, matt damon, the dreaded matt damon and i, went to couples counseling together this morning to try and work things out. Well, well present that to you so stick around, well be right back. [ cheers and applause ] discover card. Im not a discover customer but im calling about that credit scorecard. to dog give it to me. Give it. Oh, sure we give it to everyone for free. Oh, well thats nice. to dog go get it you can go get it yourself online to dog thats a good boy. Thanks . Oh, and you can even see how your current card compares to others out there. Wow. Convenient. Ooh. Somebody wants a belly rub. What, now . Get your credit scorecard at discover. Com. Free for everyone, even if youre not a customer. vo maybe it was here, when you hit 300,000 miles. Or here, when you walked away without a scratch. 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Danny mcbride, Bryce Dallas Howard, music of prophets of rage on the way. As you may know, the Actor Matt Damon and i have issues. We do not have a good relationship. Hes been particularly difficult lately, hes got a big movie coming out friday, jason bourne. We did this once before. We went to therapy together. It didnt go very well. We decided to try again. Apparently you have to go more than once for therapy to work. So we went to see a professional to try to work our problems out like adults. Jimmy hi. Hi, there. Hi, im paul. How are you . Come on in and join us. Hello, jimmy. Jimmy hi. So. You two obviously know each other. And were off. Jimmy thanks. Jimmy yeah, i just like to have like a thing. He beat me up last time. He did . Jimmy uhhuh. How does that feel . I didnt beat you up, it was an awkward jimmy he beat me up. What brought the two of you here now if it ended so poorly last time . How did you get here today . Theres a story there. Jimmy its Court Ordered. Is it, okay. Its Court Ordered because i live in jimmys place of work. Jimmy can i just say right there, he doesnt live at my place of work. I live there. Jimmy he comes to my place of work, its technically stalking. Its not if youre invited. The judge was very clear about that. If you just stopped inviting me, maybe i wouldnt come. You invite me every day. You say im going to be on the show and ive never been on the show. So i took matters into my own hands. Is it possible that we can just really clarify what specifically you want to ideally, what do you want to get out of this . I would like to be on his show. Hes probably going to bring up the oscar special. But theres a story there too. Okay . Jimmy there is a story there. Theres a story there. I was nominated for an academy award. Okay . Thats a fact. Jimmy kind of. It wasnt kind of. Jimmy they opened up the category so there are more nominees now. Okay, thats not true. I was there at the theater across the street. And okay. His lead guest was my old friend ben. Sure, okay. I bribed ben to sneak me into his jacket. Why are you touching me . Jimmy im not touching you. Bribed him . Of course, you think he would just do that . He was the lead guest on a live show. Jimmy now im going to have to come in here with ben too, you dont give the lead slot up. You feel betrayed . Jimmy i feel battrayed by batman. I see. That was a good one. Jimmy so anyway. He snuck on to the show, wasnt supposed to be on the show. Even though i told him youre going to be on the next nights show he decided, im going to force myself on this show. Its always the next nights show, youre going to be on tomorrow, oh, we ran out of time, ive never met somebody whos so horrible with time management. So just to clar jimmy that is true, i do have a problem with that, i am going to say i do have a problem with that. Just to clarify something so that i have a better understanding, youre saying you have been waiting literally every single day for many years to get on his show . 14 years. Jimmy not every day. Theres weekends. Right, the show doesnt occur on weekends, i get to go home. I heard you say you wanted jimmy to allow you on his show. Yes. What do you need from matt . Understanding about how a show works, how the production of a show works. I understand. Jimmy that we have one hours time. Yes. Jimmy and that i do my best to get everybody on the show. You do. Okay, i will take you at your word that you try. But i just i mean, its theres thousands and thousands of evenings that ive been just about to go on and then oh, look what happened. Its like you know the shows an hour, could you build in five minutes and just have some time for me . Jimmy id love to do that but then there are repeated, multiple violations. Besides the violence. I mean, forcing himself on the show. I was tied up. I was duct taped on my face. This seems like a Good Opportunity to explain the origin of all the hatred. I snapped. Which i do. I snap. Jimmy he snaps. So im supposed to have a snapper around . Well, maybe you would snap i didnt i didnt do any lasting physical damage to him. But i did whose idea was it to come together and sit down and try to work this out . Me. Im trying i want to get on the show. Jimmy and i came im here. Ive got a huge movie opening this week, ive got a lot riding on this. Jimmy here we go again. No, ive got a lot riding on this thing, a whole Marketing Campaign that he think system stupid, that he makes fun of me. Jimmy it is stupid. Its not stupid, its good, i have good ideas. Its a stupid campaign. Its not a stupid campaign. I made bumper stickers. Can i give you one . Sure. You be the judge. Jimmy bumper stickers, like this is 1975. You ready . Honk if youre bourny. Okay, thats for you. Jimmy i mean, honestly. What do you think of that . Setting therapy aside its trying to go viral, right . You could snapchat that. Put that on your instagram. Stupidest thing ive ever seen. Honk if youre bourney . Its excellent. Jimmy you both have, again what im noticing is this pattern developing are you going to put that on your car . I will definitely look at putting this on my car. Jimmy do you have any other pillows . Theres a couple over there. Are you feeling unsafe . Jimmy i am feeling unsafe. Look how hard he puts the pillows down. Now im hitting pillows. Theres a lot of anger coming across. Sometimes theres another method that people will use and they call it art therapy. Whats art therapy . Art therapy typically has been more of a method used for kids. Well, for his maturity level, i think that would be probably advisable. Jimmy ill do it, i dont mind. Im going to ask you to each take one of these sketch pads here. Jimmy, thats for you. Jimmy thank you. Matt, this is for you. Thank you, paul. Heres your pencils. What i want you to do is sketch out how you view each other, how situation. So take a few minutes and just go ahead. Jimmy youve got other patients drawings here. I do . Jimmy im done. Youre done . Me too. You are . Okay. Who wants to go first as far as just showing us what you came up with . This is my rendition of this show. And its host. This is Jimmy Kimmel Live. And thats an ass face. Thats an ass face . Thats supposed to be an ass. Thats how i feel about jimmy and his show. An ass face. Im done. Jimmy . Lawsuit lawsuit [ laughter ] [ laughter and applause ] jimmy i just feel like this is you know what i think of i think were done. That was good. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy tonight on the show music from prophets of rage, Bryce Dallas Howard is here, and well be right back with Danny Mcbride so stick around [ cheers and applause ] . Sung galaxy for everyone in the family. Thats right, free and get 4 lines for just 30 bucks a line. Dont miss this epic deal. And here we have 1893, from the makers of pepsi cola. Im gonna smell it. Im just gonna take one small sip. Kinda seemed like more than a sip. 1893. Bloldly blended colas. Eet. Now get free gogo inflight wifi on your smartphone. Lift off, power up, text it, browse it, work it. We got you covered. And we wont stop. I have to tell you, we had the monologue and the whole time, all i wanted to know is what the hell happened to you, grand canyon universitys newly remodeled golf course is thriving in the heart of phoenix. Featuring over 7,200 yards of expansive tees and treelined fairways signature par threes greenside bunkers premium greens and a brandnew clubhouse and restaurant. Experience a University Championship golf course this summer with great rates as low as 15, available now. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hi, there. Still to come, from the new movie petes dragon, Bryce Dallas Howard is here. Then, a supergroup that unites the forces of rage against the machine, public enemy, and cypress hill. This is their selftitled single, prophets of rage from the samsung outdoor stage. Starting august 19th in fairfax, virginia. Tomorrow night, david spade will be here, ozzy and Jack Osbourne will join us, well have music from the strokes, and later this week, andy garcia, greg kinnear, jack huston, dino archie, dana white and music from the gogos. After four foulmouthed seasons of baseball on eastbound down, our first guest returns with a new show set in the chalkboardchoked world of Public School administration. Vice principals airs sunday nights on hbo. Please welcome Danny Mcbride. [ cheers and applause ] . Jimmy youre from virginia, right . I just mentioned virginia. Yes, i grew up in virginia, yes. Jimmy are you from fairfax . Fredericksburg, right down the road. Jimmy when you one of those kids running around with a movie at the time skateboarding was the biggest thing that everyone was into. Jimmy still kind of is. Were you a skater . I wasnt, not at all. If you werent good at skateboarding youd have to pretend like you were, you were a poser, you know, thats what you would do. So i spent much of my childhood pretending like i could skate. Jimmy how do you pretend you can skate . You go home late at night and rub rocks on your tr